​ Sitcom

Rick Klein

EPISODE ONE
ACT ONE
SCENE A

Description: Joe and Bob’s office is a cubicle with two desks, two chairs, and a ice
mountain water tank with a small flower pot next to it. It is kinda messy and needs to be
cleaned up

FADE IN
JOE:

Okay ​Bob​, let’s start cleaning this place up.

BOB:

Okay ​Joe​, I will throw away all of the garbage.

JOE:

Okay Just make sure you follow instructions, and DO NOT throw away these
papers(HEADS OFF TO GO TO BATHROOM)

BOB:

(THROWS AWAY THE PAPER’S THAT JOE NEEDS)

JOE:

(RETURNS AND LOOKS AROUND FOR MISSING PAPERS) Where are those papers
that I had on my desk?

BOB:

(LOOKING VERY SCARED) I don’t know

JOE:

Well, I just had them on my desk

BOB:

Well, they are not there now

JOE:

Tell me something I don’t know captain obvious

BOB:

Okay…...did you know that I can burp the entire alphabet after I drink a large bottle of
soda

JOE:

Please don’t

BOB:

(DOWNS THE REST OF HIS SODA AND BURPS THE ALPHABET)

JOE:

How did I ever get stuck with such a moron?

BOB:

(OVERHEARING)Maybe because you are one too.

JOE:

Don’t you be stupid somewhere else?

BOB:
Not until four (AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

JOE:

(LOOKS IN GARBAGE) Bob, is there something that you want to tell me.

BOB:

You forgot to zip up your pants and you’ve spilled water all over it

JOE:

(LOOKS DOWN) Oh no, well, at least nobody is here to see it

(OTHER WORK COLLEUGES ENTER)

WORK COLLEGUE #1:

Okay, Joe I will see you on Monday

WORK COLLEGUE #2

(LOOKS DOWN)

WORK COLLEGUE #2

Hey, Joe, you have a little accident?

(EVERYONE LAUGHS, INCLUDING AUDIENCE)

FADE OUT
SCENE B (JOE IS TAKING A BREAK TO GET HIS MIND OFF OF THINGS, HE GOES
OUTSIDE, WHERE THE COOL BREEZE CALMS HIM DOWN, IT IS PITCH BLACK
OUTSIDE EXCEPT FOR THE STREETLIGHT THAT IS ON RIGHT NEXT TO THE
BUILDING, A PERSON DRIVING A TRUCK IS NEARBY)

FADE IN

JOE:

(GOES OUTSIDE TO GET SOME FRESH AIR)

JOE:

(TAKES OUT A BAG OF WEED) Finally away from that moron!

BOB:

(SPINNING AROUND IN JOE’S BIG CHAIR) Weeeeeeeeee!

BOB:

(CHAIR BREAKS) uh-oh

JOE:

(LOOKS AROUND TO SEE IF ANYBODY IS WATCHING, AND STARTS TO SMOKE)

JOE:

(SEES HIS CAR GETTING TOWED) No no no wait! That’s my car, i’ll move it!

TOWER​:

Sorry pal, you are too late.

JOE:

Son-of-a-bitch!

TOWER:

(SNIFFING AROUND) Do I smell weed around here?

JOE:

I don’t smell anything

TOWER:

Are you sure, cause I could've sworn I smelled somet-

JOE:

Alright buddy, take care of my car, i'll pick it up in the morning

JOE:

(RUNS BACK TO HIS OFFICE, ONLY TO TRIP ON A SIDE CURVE, CAUSING HIS
NOSE TO BLEED)

FADE OUT

SCENE C

FADE IN
JOE:

(BACK AT OFFICE, GOES BACK TO HIS DESK AND STARTS TO GET WORK
DONE)

BOB:

What happened to your face?

JOE:

Just shut up and get back to work!

BOB:

ok ok

JOE:

Uhhh. Could this day get any worse?

(CHAIR BREAKS)

BOB:

What did you do? (AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

FADE OUT

SCENE D
FADE IN

BOB:

(AT BOTH OF THEIR DESKS, TURNS ON TV, TV MAKES LOUD NOISES) hahahaha!

JOE:

That is the last straw!

(GETS UP AND GETS READY TO KNOCK BOB OUT)

BOB:

Hmm, that’s weird, where did my drink go?

JOE:

(STEPS RIGHT INTO JOE’S SPILLED DRINK AND SLIPS )

JOE:

Owww! Dad gummit!

BOB:

Oh, sorry Joe, I must have spilled my drink

JOE:

(IN PAIN) Well don’t just stand there! Go get help!

BOB:

Right!

(BOB SLIPS AND TWISTS HIS LEG TOO)

JOE:
Get up and go get help!

BOB:

I can’t, I think I twisted my leg!

JOE:

What the heck!

BOB and JOE:

Heeeellllpppppp!!!!!

JOE:

Why did you walk RIGHT into that mess?

BOB:

What?

JOE:

You are an idiot

(BOB FALLS ASLEEP AND STARTS SNORING, SOUND:HEAVY SNORING)

JOE: Get up!

(FADE OUT)

SCENE E
(STUCK IN THE OFFICE, JOE IS STARTING TO WORRY)

(FADE IN)
JOE:

Great, nobody is here. How am I supposed to tell me wife where I am at?

BOB:

Joe..

JOE:

Shut up! Hmm...I guess she will just assume that I have extra work to do

BOB:

Hey, Joe…

JOE:

Dammit Bob! I said shut up!

BOB:

But Joe..

JOE:

WHAT THE HELL IS IT?

BOB:

I think that it is Saturday

JOE:

(Puts his head down in frustration) Why me?

(FADE OUT)
END ACT ONE
 ACT TWO

SCENE F

(JOE’S HOUSE, WIFE IS MAKING DINNER AND WONDERING WHERE JOE IS)

(FADE IN)

JOE’S WIFE​:

(TALKING TO SON)

Where on earth could your father be? It’s almost time for dinner

JOE’S SON​:

beats me

JOE WIFE:

Well, I am going to try and find him, you stay here

(WIFE LEAVES)

JOE’S SON:

Thank god! (CALLS HIS GIRLFRIEND TO “SLEEPOVER”)

(FADE OUT)

SCENE G

(BACK AT THE OFFICE, JOE IS GOING NUTS)

(FADE IN)

BOB:

Hey Joe, I bet you fifty-bucks that I can burp the entire alphabet again!

JOE:

Bob, I have a question for you?

BOB:

And what is that Joe?

JOE:

How old are you?

BOB:

twenty-five…..next month

JOE:

I see

BOB:

See what?

JOE:

Why you are so irresponsible

BOB:
Joe, how old are you?

JOE:

Forty-nine

BOB:

I see

JOE:

See what?

BOB:

Why you are so fat and ugly

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

(FADE OUT)
 SCENE H
(WIFE DRIVING TO SEE IF SHE CAN FIND JOE)

(FADE IN)

WIFE:

What the hell has happened to my husband!

WIFE:

Ahhhhh! This is absolute hell, driving in these horrible conditions.

WIFE:

I can barely see anything

WIFE:

My son won’t listen to me, I have no idea where my husband is, and I’m driving through
hell tonight
(takes out a carton of weed)

WIFE:

At least my son doesn’t know where I keep my “cigarettes”

(BLOWS OUT SMOKE TO RELAX)

(SPEEDING DOWN THE ROAD, AND POLICE SEES HER AND PUTS SIREN ON)

WIFE:

Oh crap! (POLICEMAN STARTS TO FOLLOW HER)

(FADE OUT)

SCENE I

(BACK AT THE OFFICE)

(FADE IN)

JOE: (PLAYING SOLITAIRE)

BOB:

Hey Joe, do you mind if I play?

JOE:

I’m playing solitaire einstein

BOB:

So?

JOE:

So you can’t play

BOB:

Why not?

JOE:

Cause it’s for single players only!

BOB:

Hmm, well then that means I’ll fit right in! I’m single and ready to mingle!

JOE:

Gee, I wonder why you’re single

BOB:

(LOOKING ON AN ONLINE DATING SITE) No way! I got matched with someone!

JOE:

(LOOKING UP FROM HIS CARDS, LAUGHING) Oh man! I can’t wait to see who this
tramp is.

BOB:

Oh my god! Look how pretty she is! I’m going to send a message, maybe she’ll respond

JOE:

(AMUSED) Oh I bet

BOB:

Hey what do you know, she sent me a message back!

JOE:

(LAUGHING)

Oh yeah! What does it say?

BOB:

It says ​hey cutie, wanna meet up tomorrow for some coffee?

JOE:

(LAUGHING)

Let me see this girl

JOE:

(SEES A PICTURE OF HIS DAUGHTER)

JOE:

@#$%&@#&%@#^%$#

(STARTS TO CHASE BOB, BUT CAN’T BECAUSE HIS LEG IS HURTING)

(FADE OUT)

SCENE J
(COP STARTS TO TALK TO JOE’S WIFE)

(FADE IN)

COP​:

Ma’am, do you know why I pulled you over?

JOE’S WIFE:

N-no officer

COP:

Busted headlight

JOE’S WIFE:

(RELIEVED) Oh, I am so sorry sir, I will fix that immediately

COP:

You better, All right, have a nice day ma’am

COP:

(STARTS TO WALK AWAY, AND THEN TAKES A SNIFF)

COP:

Ma’am, is there something that you want to tell me?

JOE’S WIFE:

No?

COP:

Ma’am, I need you to please step out of the car with your hands in the air
COP:

(PUTS HANDCUFFS ON JOE’S WIFE AND PUTS HER IN THE BACK)

JOE’S WIFE:

(SEES A BAG OF ILLEGAL DRUGS, AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

COP:

Ummm… on second thought, you’re free to go ma’am, have a nice night

(SPEEDS OFF INTO THE DARKNESS)

(FADE OUT)

END ACT TWO

 ACT THREE

SCENE K

(FADE IN)

(BACK AT OFFICE)

JOE:

Three in the morning

BOB:

Three in the morning

JOE:

(IS ABLE TO STAND UP)

I’m getting some coffee

BOB:

Can you get me some too?

JOE:
I guess

JOE:

(WALKING TOWARD THE LOUNGE TO MAKE COFFEE)

BOB:

CUT TO (GOES ONLINE TO TEXT JOE’S DAUGHTER)

SCENE L

(OFFICE)

JOE:

(DRIFTS OFF INTO A DEEP SLEEP)

BOB:

(LOOKS AROUND FOR HIS PHONE)

BOB:

Where could my phone be, I could’ve sworn that it was just hear a minute ago

JOE:

(MAKES SLEEPING NOISES)

BOB:

Maybe I should try and call it from my office phone

BOB:
(STARTS TO CALL HIS PHONE)

(PHONE GOES OFF RIGHT UNDER WHERE JOE IS SLEEPING)

JOE:

(STARTLED)

Wha-what the---!!!!

SCENE M
BOB:

I can’t take it anymore, I need to get out of this place!

(STARTS TO GO BALLISTIC)

JOE:

Bob, calm down man, take it easy

BOB:

No, I won’t take it easy!

JOE:

(SIGHING)

FADE OUT

END ACT THREE

 ACT FOUR

SCENE N
INT. OFFICE-NIGHT

(FADE IN)

(BOB STARTS TO FLICKER WITH THE LIGHT SWITCH)

JOE:

Bob please stop that, you’re gonna end up breaking the new lamp

BOB:

Joe, this lamp is already broken, I need to fix it

JOE:

Could you just leave it alone until tomorrow?

BOB:

Fine (GOES TO SIT DOWN, AND KNOCKS LAMP OVER, CAUSING SMALL FIRE)

JOE:

OH NO!!

BOB:

Don’t worry, I’ll go get a fire extinguisher

JOE:

Well you better hurry!!

(BOB RUSHES OFF TO FIND ONE)

JOE:

Now look what this idiot has done

JOE:

(REALIZES THAT THE FIRE ALARM WILL SOON GO OFF, WHICH MEANS THAT A
FIRE ENGINE WILL GO COME AND BREAK DOWN THE DOORS)

JOE:

Well it looks like I will be out of here after all!

BOB:

(HURRIES IN AND PUT OUT THE FIRE JUST BEFORE THE SMOKE DETECTOR
GOES OFF)

BOB:

I saved your life, you’re welcome

FADE OUT
 SCENE O

(FADE IN)

JOE: (PANTING, DOG-TIRED)

Please, Please make this nightmare be over

BOB:

Soon, Joesph, soon

(FADE OUT)
 SCENE P

(FADE IN)

(OFFICE)

JOE:

Finally, Monday morning

BOB:

I know right

(DOORS UNLOCK, AND BOSS COMES IN)

JOE:

G-good morning sir

:
(BOSS IS SURPRISED TO SEE THEM)

BOSS​:

Bob, Joe, what the heck are you two doing here so early?

JOE:

It’s a long story sir

BOSS:

Hmm, well I am sorry about that.

BOSS:

Wow, who made this up?

BOB:

I did sir!

BOSS:

Well, I’m promoting you

BOSS:

(TURNS TO JOE)

Joe, here is your new work partner

(BOB’S ​BROTHER​ APPEARS)

BOB:

No way boss, you gave my little bro a job here?

JOE:

Uhhhhhhhhh

BOSS:

Indeed I did, and actually, I need all three of you to work on a project tonight and drive
off to go to a meeting in my place. Do not worry, it will be a piece of cake
(FADE OUT)

(END ACT FOUR)

(END EPISODE ONE)

(THE NEXT EPISODE WILL BE AT JOE’S HOUSE, TRYING TO MAKE A

POWERPOINT WITH BOB AND HIS BROTHER, WHICH WILL BE A HEADACHE FOR
JOE, AND HIS WIFE. EVEN THOUGH THIS SHOULD ONLY TAKE ABOUT AN HOUR
TO DO, BOB AND HIS BROTHER HAVE TROUBLE FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS,
WHICH CAUSES JOE TO GO OFF THE DEEP END)