Академический Документы
Профессиональный Документы
Культура Документы
Hell to Home
I sat on the top pillar of the play-scape solemn and confused. One of the only friends that
I had made at my new, white, public elementary school was no longer allowed to play with me
due to her mother’s complaints to the after-school care program coordinator that my first-grade
dialect was too “hood” and it was rubbing off on her daughter. Ashley picked up some of the
synonyms and abbreviation embedded in my dialect and had begun to use them as her own. Her
white mother did not like the influence I had on her daughter. I wouldn’t say that was my first
glimpse of what a different world I was now in, but it was the first time the world had made me
feel inferior.
The complexities of white vs. black, rich vs. poor, and proper English vs. “hood” or
“ghetto” accents were all being thrown at me. From the age of 1 to 6, I was reared in a Baptist
Church formal schooling system. I wore uniforms. I went to bible study Wednesday nights, I
attended a church service during the school day Thursdays, and early Sunday morning I made
my way to the choir pews with little to no rebuttal because as a village, my mother, nor
grandmother, nor aunties, nor teacher expected anything less. Sometimes I would have to be
reminded of the repercussions, but not often. Lockhart, Texas held a population of about 10,000
people. My Na-na was known for taking in children that didn’t have a place to rest their head at
night. We are a communal family. We went out to the country for church, funerals, and to ride
horses. I didn’t know that this was not everyone’s truth until I was made an outcast by my peers.
An hour drive from home to hell was a difference in school districts and opportunity. In my
young eyes, it was the difference in nice people and mean people, the difference in people who
understood me and those who did not, and finally the difference in mannerisms and dialect. In
Brown 2
her short story, “How to Tame a Wild Tongue”, she reflects on the cultural imperialism, racism,
and identity reformation she endured in south Texas. It called me to see my prior linguistic
practices as the means of this “crucified” Anzaldua speaks of. My personal experiences closely
correlated with the words Gloria Anzaldua wrote, “because we speak with tongues of fire we are
orphan tongue.” My environment, my family, and the origin of my religion all played vital roles
in how others heard me. The perception of who I am is heard through how I speak and it did not
fall directly in the realms of the metropolitan, white-washed, public elementary school that is
The idea that a “wild tongue can’t be tamed, they can only be cut out” isn’t unfamiliar to
most public school teachers where I am from. On different sides of town it was evident that there
are greater benefits from students learning from teachers who looked like them or had experience
with students from colored neighborhoods. This notion was not upheld on this unfamiliar side of
town. There was no attempt to incorporate my original dialect into my new knowledge of the
English language. The heritage and experience that my accent showed was lost when I was
forced to separate all of my words and loose the twangy slur my grandma taught me. This “God-
teacher” that Caffilene Allen introduces to us in her short story, “First They Changed My
Name…”, further sheds light on the stigma that a lot of parents, which in-turn influences their
children, believe that teachers are all knowing. Teachers have taken on the role of recreating
students, especially if they catch them in their adolescence. Educators who do not share the same
dialect with students must question their intent. There must be a clear goal of what will be
accomplished in the best interest of the child. Who is to say that my dialect as a child did not
Brown 3
help the depth of my thoughts? What I chose to write and how I chose to express myself was
hindered by the pressure to conform to the unfamiliar “standard English” that was naturally used
by my white classmates. This “right way” theory Allen builds upon affected the way that I
viewed my speech in such that I began to alter the way I sounded to mirror how the teachers and
students spoke. This change was evident in my writing, speech, and the teacher’s evaluation of
my work. My voice in my writing grew to become “better”, though it was all fake. My thoughts
were genuine, but I was not perceived as myself. A divide between home and hell was due to
distance and the difference in identity. Educators found themselves teaching me what society has
deemed the best choice of dialect and correctness. I was not myself in my learning environment.
The people teaching me no longer looked like me, the people I was learning with no longer
looked like me, and I wasn’t learning about people who looked like me.
A confusing turn in identity was happening and it became difficult to distinguish my two
selves. My cousins from back home started calling me things like “oreo” and “Miss Thang”. The
English I spoke was not the English they were used to hearing from me. We grew together from
birth, they knew where I was from and who raised me, but the way I sounded was the means to
the end of our familial alliance. Just as Heinz Paige wrote in his book, The Dreams of Reason:
The Computer and the Rise of the Science of Complexity, we as a black community are called to
“come to grasp the management of complexity, the rich structures of symbols, and perhaps
consciousness itself, it is clear that traditional barriers –barriers erected on both sides –between
the natural sciences the humanities cannot forever be maintained.” In other words we need to
find a common awareness of the symbols and works around us so that they do not divide us.
Brown 4
Actions that could be viewed as conformity when it comes to learning “standard English” are for
most students mere effects of their new found knowledge. I have not magically acquired white
ancestry. I am no less black. The correlation between the English that is taught in school and the
dialect that I am used to at home is strong. “Proper English” is seen as white. Any other southern
slang or black dialect is seen as inferior and unintelligent. This makes it a hardship within the
education system to speak in any other dialect but the one that is deemed proper. Instead of
adding value and depth into the way I think as a student, the focus is turned to how I use
language and correcting the patterns in which I do so. There is definitely a piece of me that was
compromised. Measuring the amount of time that I spent in the formal education setting, without
any resemblance of the black culture that I come from portrays my discomfort to the point I did
not feel at home. The pressure to conform outweighs the influence of my family and community
had on me. This did open the door for me to intentionally pursue the creation of a identity. I had
to choose a voice that both my family and future employers could understand.
For the most part, a public school education that never provided me the opportunity to be
taught by a black teacher ultimately led me to pursue higher education at a historically black
university. I do feel robbed of my culture looking back on my public school years. Howard
Alumnus, Kenneth B. Clark, said it best in his book, Dark Ghetto, “dark ghetto’s invisible walls
have been erected by the white society, by those who have power, both to confine those have no
power and to perpetuate their powerlessness. The dark ghettos are social, political, educational,
and –above all– economic colonies” (13). I am a product of an oppressed people that is why I
search for so much individuality in my English because I flee from any conforming practices.
There is life within the struggle my people have been through and I owe it to them to profess
Brown 5
pieces of my culture that are shown in me. There is so much that can be learned from black
culture and the black community. It is a misfortune, but also a blessing that the entirety of my
rearing was not immersed in it all. My personal experience has taught me that everyone who
lives in America should not be forced to learn “standard English”. As a black student I took away
from culture and individuality. The imposition of white ideals and ways of though isn’t
something that is bigger than how we teach our children. It is a pattern that can be seen
throughout our nation’s political system, mass media sources, and the influence of many aspects
Anzaldua, Gloria. Borderlands: the New Mestiza = La Frontera. Aunt Lute Books, 2012.
Clark, Kenneth Bancroft. Dark Ghetto: Dilemmas of Social Power. Wesleyan University Press,
1989
“Forum N.H.I.: Knowledge for the 21st Century Archives.” Education, Liberation & Black
century/.