Draft of Dialogue - Trevor

Goehring.docx
by Trevor Goehring

Submission date: 21-Mar-2018 10:39AM (UT C-0500)

Submission ID: 933859414
File name: Draf t of Dialogue - T revor Goehring.docx
Word count: 1479
Character count: 6645
 Who are these
individuals? Even if
you don't include
1
their essays here,
name their jobs or
what they've written.

Art icle T it le

Art icle T it le

Cit e Paraphrase

Thompson could be
much more specific with
his examples. He could
mention Deep Blue or
Kasperov.
4

Where do you think all of this is leading us?

7
??
Again, this is just not very
specific. You could have Carr
refer to this history of our
minds being altered by
technology and propose
where we will go. At very least,
give the specifics Carr gives
from A Space Odyssey and
HAL.

Alt hough/However

10

But he also says that

staying focused as
always been a struggle
for people (355). Bring Have you
that in to transition into experienced any of
your last two sentences. the benefits
Sp.
Thompson
discusses? That
would be a good
addition here.
Cit e Paraphrase
ABC

HI It al.

It al.
Draft of Dialogue - Trevor Goehring.docx
ORIGINALITY REPORT

12 %
SIMILARIT Y INDEX
5%
INT ERNET SOURCES
0%
PUBLICAT IONS
12%
ST UDENT PAPERS

PRIMARY SOURCES

1
Submitted to Ventura County Community
College District
5%
St udent Paper

2
Submitted to So. Orange County Community
College District
2%
St udent Paper

3
Submitted to Tarleton State University
St udent Paper 2%
4
Submitted to South Dakota Board of Regents
St udent Paper 2%
5
Submitted to Armstrong Atlantic State
University
1%
St udent Paper

6
about.diigo.com
Int ernet Source 1%

Exclude quotes Of f Exclude matches Of f

Exclude bibliography Of f
Draft of Dialogue - Trevor Goehring.docx
GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

94
T revor,

I appreciate the work you put into your comic; those

/110
can take a long time, even if you're not actually
drawing them! You also have a solid dialogue, even
if you could use a lot more specif ics. A f ew changes
could really bring it up to the next level.

With this assignment, I'm looking specif ically at f ive

skills that you'll need f or the f inal paper, so I'll try to
organize my comments around those skills. T hey
are 1) the ability to accurately understand the
arguments of others; 2) the ability to synthesize
views; 3) the ability to state a specif ic issue; 4) the
ability to develop a strong response to others; and
5) the ability to cite.

1) T he largest problem here is that you simply don't

use many specif ics f rom the essays. In particular,
you really don't include any of T hompson's specif ic
skills or cognitive benef its that we receive f rom
working alongside computers. T he details f rom
Carr's essay are also very sketchy. Just adding
more of these details could improve your grade
anywhere f rom 1 to 5 points.

Remember that the goal is to show a deep

understanding of the overall arguments and even
some points of support.

2) Using more details might also help deepen the

synthesis because you will be able to compare
subtle points.
 3) Also usef ul would be a stronger issue. Right
now, you have a very broad topic that the two will
discussion, not an issue. Remember that an issue is
more specif ic than a word or phrase and is usually
expressed like a question or debate. Identif ying that
specif ic debate both are weighing in on could help
you f ocus on the details you need to discuss, too.
For example, if you say that the issue of discussion
is "What ef f ect does technology have on our
brains?" then you'll be more likely to pick out details
in both essays that support each authors answer to
that question.

4) Your response is solid.

5) Citation also looks pretty good, but don't f orget

italics on the Works Cited page and in-text citation
f or paraphrased inf o!

Overall, it would be wise to make sure you are

comf ortable with expressing a precise issue well
bef ore Paper 3!

PAGE 1

Text Comment. Who are these individuals? Even if you don't include their essays here,
name their jobs or what they've written.

Comment 1
Notice that you don't have an issue. You have a topic--advancing technology. What is the
debate or question both are arguing about? Probably something about what kind of ef f ect
technology has on our brains.

QM Article Title
T his is an article title, the smaller work. T hat means it should be in quotation marks.

QM Article Title
 T his is an article title, the smaller work. T hat means it should be in quotation marks.

Strikethrough.

Comment 3
T his really isn't Carr's major concern with technology. Or perhaps I should say this isn't his
specif ic concern with technology. He is f ocused on the level of contemplation and
concentration we are capable of with the internet. Can you f ind the word "lazy" in his essay?

QM Cite Paraphrase
Paraphrased inf ormation needs citation too!

Text Comment. T hompson could be much more specif ic with his examples. He could
mention Deep Blue or Kasperov.

Comment 4
More specif ically, when reading.

Comment 5
And because of how we read online--skimming, clicking through links, etc (316). Again, be more
specif ic.

Text Comment. Where do you think all of this is leading us?

Strikethrough.

Comment 7
T his is not something that T hompson discusses. It would be better to stay f ocused on the
skills or cognitive benef its T hompson thinks we'll gain through working side-by-side with
computers. See 352, f or example, or 350.

PAGE 2

Strikethrough.

Text Comment. ??

Text Comment. Again, this is just not very specif ic. You could have Carr ref er to this
history of our minds being altered by technology and propose where we will go. At very least,
 give the specif ics Carr gives f rom A Space Odyssey and HAL.

Comment 9
Again, specif ically what are we gaining in this interaction?

Basically, what I'm seeing here is that you're not digging very deep into the essays and, instead,
coming up with ideas that the authors might say, when you still could be using the essays to
have them discuss what they've already stated in those essays.

QM Although/However
"Although" and "however" have become commonly conf used words. Remember that "although"
cannot be used as alone as an introductory phrase; "however" can. "Although" has to start an
introductory clause. For example:

"I'm glad you are both want to end cyber-bullying. However, we are straying f rom the topic."

I'm glad you both want to end cyber-bullying. Although many people are concerned about
this problem, it remains a serious threat on social media."

Comment 10
I think you're bringing this up because of the f act that T hompson acknowledges Carr in his
essay. But that's not clear here and it wouldn't be clear f or readers that hadn't read the
essays. So have T hompson provide that inf ormation.

Text Comment. But he also says that staying f ocused as always been a struggle f or
people (355). Bring that in to transition into your last two sentences.

Text Comment. Have you experienced any of the benef its T hompson discusses? T hat
would be a good addition here.

QM Sp.
Spelling error

PAGE 3

QM Cite Paraphrase
Paraphrased inf ormation needs citation too!

PAGE 4
QM ABC
Don't f orget alphabetical order!

QM Ital.
Italicize

QM HI
Don't f orget hanging indent!

QM Ital.
Italicize
RUBRIC: SYNTHESIS PROJECT RUBRIC 9 4 / 110

COMPLET ION 0/0

A Includes 12 lines of dialogue or 6 lines f rom each author

(0)

A/B Includes 6 lines f rom one author and 5 f rom another (-5 pts)
(0)

B Missing two lines of dialogue f rom authors (-10 pts)

(0)

B/C Missing three lines of dialogue (-5 pts)

(0)

C Missing f our lines (-20 pts)

(0)

C/D Missing f ive lines (-25 pts)

(0)

D (-30 pts)
(0)

D/F (-35 pts)

(0)

F (-40 pts)
(0)

LOW F (-45 pts)

(0)

FOCUS 7 / 10

A Names a specif ic issue f or the conversation

(10)

A/B
(9)

B Names an issue, but may be broad

(8)

B/C
(8)

C May not have a f ocus other than the topic

(7)

C/D
(7)
D Little sense of f ocus
(6)

D/F
(6)

F No sense of f ocus f or the conversation

(5)

LOW F
(0)

READING 8 / 10

A Accurately identif ies arguments and support of each author; uses comprehensive
(10) detail

A/B
(9)

B Accurately identif ies arguments and multiple points of support; f ewer details; may
(8) have very minor misunderstandings; may cherry-pick quotes without strong sense of
context, but still accurate

B/C
(8)

C Accurately identif ies arguments, but may not discuss support well; may report only
(7) one point of support; uses f ew details; some misunderstanding; may cherry-pick
quotes completely out of context

C/D
(7)

D May not accurately identif y arguments; serious misunderstanding of essay

(6)

D/F
(6)

F
(5)

LOW F
(0)

ANALYSIS 7 / 10

A Goes beyond the surf ace to reveal new connections

(10)

A/B
(9)
B Strong analysis, but not as deep as an A
(8)

B/C
(8)

C Basic; doesn't go beyond agree/disagree, but accurate

(7)

C/D
(7)

D Simplistic; may not point out agreement/disagreement well

(6)

D/F
(6)

F Little ability to synthesize ideas

(5)

LOW F
(0)

I SAY 9 / 10

A Writer's response to/view on issue is clear, organized, and well developed

(10)

A/B
(9)

B Writer's response to issue clear; may be a little scattered or underdeveloped

(8)

B/C
(8)

C Writer's response to the issue is muddled or extremely brief

(7)

C/D
(7)

D Writer's response to issue barely exists

(6)

D/F
(6)

F
(5)

LOW F
(0)

LOG. SEQUENCE 10 / 10

A Ideas are presented logically and connections between statements and ideas in
(10) dialogue are sharp

A/B
(9)

B Ideas are presented logically, but not connected as perf ectly as A

(8)

B/C
(8)

C Ideas presented logically, but logic breaks down f rom time to time
(7)

C/D
(7)

D Ideas not always presented logically

(6)

D/F
(6)

F
(5)

LOW F
(0)

INT RO 8 / 10

A Provides excellent context f or dialogue; may announce or hint at "I Say"

(10)

A/B
(9)

B Provides context f or dialogue; may not have issue, but strong introductory inf o)
(8)

B/C
(8)

C Attempts at intro and context, but may not match dialogue or be very general
(7)

C/D
(7)
D Exists but doesn't introduce authors or topic
(6)

D/F
(6)

F Introductory elements included, but seriously f lawed or brief

(5)

LOW F Does not exist

(0)

CONCLUSION 9 / 10

A Skillf ully draws dialogue to a close without repetition; writer's conclusion on the
(10) dialogue is clearly stated and developed

A/B
(9)

B Draws essay to a close without repetition; writer's conclusion on dialogue clear but
(8) underdeveloped

B/C
(8)

C Draws essay to a close, but may be repetitive or too brief ; writer's conclusion on
(7) dialogue exists but muddled

C/D
(7)

D Exists, but f lawed; writer's conclusion on dialogue too muddled to understand

(6)

D/F
(6)

F Seriously f lawed; doesn't include "I Say"

(5)

LOW F
(0)

ST YLE/GRAMMAR 8 / 10

A Style and word choice excellent f or audience; adopts authors' style and tone exactly;
(10) f ew grammar or mechanics errors

A/B
(9)

B Style and word choice suited to audience; adopts authors' words well, but may only
(8) quote; f ew grammar or mechanics errors

B/C
(8)

C Style and word choice f ine f or audience, but with some discrepancies; may not
(7) incorporate authors' own words well; some grammar and mechanics errors

C/D
(7)

D Style and word choice not specif ic to audience; no attempts to incorporate authors'
(6) own language or style; numerous grammar and mechanics errors

D/F
(6)

F
(5)

LOW F
(0)

CIT AT ION 8 / 10

A Includes end-text and in-text citation; direct quotes identif ied; only minor problems
(10)

A/B
(9)

B Includes end-text and in-text citation; direct quotes identif ied; some more serious
(8) problems

B/C
(8)

C Includes some attempt at in-text and end-text; direct quotes may not be identif ied;
(7) many serious errors

C/D
(7)

D Includes end-text OR in-text citation, but not both

(6)

D/F
(6)

F Citation attempted, but not consistent or accurate

(5)

LOW F
(0)
MULT I-MEDIA 10 / 10

A Included
(10)

A/B
(0)

B
(0)

B/C
(0)

C
(0)

C/D
(0)

D
(0)

D/F
(0)

F
(0)

LOW F
(0)

RHET ORICAL 10 / 10

A Chosen multimedia f orm excellent f or assigned audience and context; purpose

(10) matches perf ectly to media; may be creative

A/B
(9)

B Chosen multimedia f orm strong f or assigned audience and purpose, but may have
(8) some questionable f eatures

B/C
(8)

C Chosen multimedia f orm f ine f or general audience, but may not be specif ic to
(7) assigned audience; purpose may not match up well to media

C/D
(7)

D Chosen multimedia not dynamic; no real reason it would appeal to most audiences;
(6) purpose doesn't necessarily match media

D/F
(6)

F Chosen multimedia extremely simplistic (added colors, f or example); no reason it

(5) would appeal to audience

LOW F Not included

(0)