How To Go From Girlfriend To Wife Ebook NicoleGayle

How to Go from Girlfriend to Wife EBook
Nicole Gayle
www.howtogofromgirlfriendtowife.com
Exude strength, reveal essence, artfully seduce, and live gracefully.

Be the kind of woman your man HAS to marry!
DISCLAIMER AND TERMS OF USE AGREEMENT:
By reading this e-book, you agree to all of the following:
You understand this to be an expression of opinion and not legal or professional advice. The information
contained in this e-book is strictly for educational/entertainment purposes. You are solely responsible for
the use of any of the contents and hold Nicole Gayle, www.howtogofromgirlfriendtowife.com harmless in
any event or claim.
Copyright © 2008 Nicole Gayle All Rights Reserved Worldwide
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How to Go from Girlfriend to Wife EBook Chapters
Preface on dating on passion
What Men Really Want
Intro: Are you the kind of girlfriend your man wants to marry?
Definitions: Girlfriends that REAL men won’t marry
Chapter 1 Spiritual Chemistry and the awakening of the soul

Chapter 2 How to be a cool Girlfriend
Chapter 3 Wear the girlfriend title but keep the exit door open
Chapter 4 How we teach men to relate to us
Chapter 5 The key to being irresistible = artfully resist
Chapter 6 How the art of detachment will make you a good catch
Chapter 7 How to test his emotional intelligence
Chapter 8 Why men rarely change
Chapter 9 Why a man must fall for you first
Chapter 10 Why should make him wait
Chapter 11 How a man decides you’re “The ONE”
Chapter 12 What is “Fear” and “Passion?”
Chapter 13 Creating Fear
Chapter 14 Creating Passion
Chapter 15 When a man falls in love
Chapter 16 How to deal with disagreements
Chapter 17 Female nagging = Male rebellion
Chapter 18 What to do if you want to spend more time with him
Chapter 19 What to do when you’re really angry with him
Chapter 20 The danger in waiting
Chapter 21 If you need to let him go
Chapter 22 If he ends it
Chapter 23 How to get a trip to the jewelry store – or not
Chapter 24 Channeling Energy
Chapter 25 If he decides to take you by the hand
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Preface on dating and passion
“A man will treat you the way you treat yourself – you basically teach him what to expect
based on how much self respect you’ve got.” Nicole
I am a deeply passionate woman who wants you to experience true love. My

goal is to help you to understand how much the right man wants to make you
his Queen. I want you to believe wholeheartedly that you deserve to find and
have the kind of relationship you’ve dreamed about.
But I am also concerned about a kind of disconnect between men and

women in our society today. There appears to be an epidemic of hurried and
fabricated connections called "relations" and not true and authentic
relationships or friendships that have solid form.
I am also intensely optimistic and know that there are good people who want
to make a difference.
I think some women are partly to blame for the emotionally shallow, free
sex, all you can eat, instant meal deal mentality because they have not kept
themselves a secret from men….plenty of women are willing to just give
men a good screw (oops…did I really say that?!?).
I feel the mystery between the sexes is disappearing…for example, the

unknown in a woman, the intrigue for her, the calling out to her inner most
being, the patient purposeful intense passionate pursuit that would cause her
to surrender to the masculine energy in her own time.
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Plenty have come to demand surrender and some men have a selfish
expectation that a woman should give it up and if she’s not then she is
inhibited, repressed, unfun, unsung, subdued and unresponsive.
But there is a waiting that you should expect from a man in order for you to
be convinced that he is man enough to deserve you. There is a gentle care
that he must give to your feminine energy, knowing how to really seduce
you and cause you to awaken to him.
A man has the strength and power to bring a real woman to her knees, not by
force but when he gives up his own desire and desires a woman’s essence,
get lost in your beauty, appreciate her fundamental nature, and become
captured by your feminine grace.
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What Men Really Want!
Sex! Lots and lots of sex.
And after that, more sex.
Sex, plus other things that's sexual.
Then something called a quality companion whose fun, not grumpy, can take
note and shut up when needed, and leave them alone for something else
called their time alone to unwind into a manhole.
O yeah...she should be trustworthy, kind, generous, self-sufficient, secure,

and confident who can whip back into looking like Barbie after having a
baby.
Honey do I look fat? No dear, you look [sigh] great.
Kidding aside. A real man wants a woman who can awaken him like a clap
of thunder. A man wants an adventure, to discover, go out to slay a few
giants, and come back proud. A real man wants to fight for something and
he wants a real woman who can be by his side who believes in the
something that he's fighting for.
And somewhere in the middle of his quest, he wants to also fight to win a
woman's heart. He wants to know she's special because he wants to go
through hell to get her and she's made him go through hell to win her.
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He really wants you to give him a hard time, just not the kind of hassle that a
demanding, overbearing, drama queen, superior, almighty superwoman bitch
chick would give.
He really wants to see what you're made of, whether you can hold your own,
whether you have an opinion so that he doesn't have to worry that he's with
Dolly the sheep.
Men want to fight. Break through into something more meaningful and
hopefully on the other side they'll find true love in a woman who really is a
dream girl.
A real man wants to show you that he's tough and tender, manly and
mannish, brave and scared, bad and good, strong and weak, and he wants to
know that you'll still admire him even if he doesn't always live up to it all.
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Intro: Are you the kind of girlfriend your man wants to marry?
No doubt you’ve heard of the girlfriend from hell or the EX from down
under and may have had your share of having a history book written about
you. You know you went crazy if your Ex(s) wants to go in the other
direction when he sees you, “Oh no, it’s the Wicked Witch and I gotta split!”
You didn’t mean to be wicked and you were most likely not quite a witch,
but your insecurity disease had men thinking “Run!”
You’re in a relationship now, hopefully, not just a relation and more than
likely you’re looking for more than wearing the girlfriend crown. “God,
why would any woman want to be a man’s girlfriend forever?”
It just doesn’t sound right.
First things first….are you the kind of girlfriend your man wants to be with
for the long haul? Translation - Is he thinking of marrying you? Can he see
himself with you for a very long time?
If this question makes you nervous, you may have some serious thinking to
do and as you look at the definitions below, you may see yourself below. In
this case, you will have to make the kind of adjustment that could have your
man take your relationship from girlfriend to wife friend.
If you’re not nervous then this is a good sign but you may still need to make
some adjustments in order to take your relationship to the next level.
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Obviously, there are no guarantees. Some relationships just can’t be helped
and need to be treated with a good breakup. Some girlfriends, well, they
need to just stop being a man’s girlfriend and learn to become their own best
friend first.
Sorry, there are no cure-alls.
Becoming a great girlfriend and leaving the impression on your man that
you could be his dream is being the kind of woman who takes pride in who
she is, not in the title that she wears. A great girlfriend is a woman who
takes personal responsibility for her life and will not attempt to superglue
herself to a man in order to feel validated as a woman. She defines her life
and creates the sort of living that causes her to rise to her full potential.
Even if she has shown initial interest, she prefers men to do the chase and it
is for her to decide if the relationship is worthy of her. She knows what she
deserves and places the responsibility on herself to make decisions that are
right for her. She does not lose her mind in a man just because he appears to
have all of the qualities that she is looking for.
She holds herself accountable to the people around her, does not temporarily
disown her girlfriends while in a relationship nor get lost in a man’s world.
She has the intelligence to listen to the advice of her inner circle about the
man she’s with because she knows that her affection for him may cause her
to miss blatant red flags. She is not afraid to be wrong about a man’s
intentions.
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She is a passionate woman who desires to experience a true and lasting
relationship. She will readily give her love and knows how to receive love.
She exposes herself to the possibilities of forever and leaves her past behind
to find a beautiful future with the man who is her true love.
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Definitions: The types of girlfriends’ REAL men won’t marry
Below you will find definitions of the types of girlfriend a real man wont
marry even if she was his 24/7 playboy bunny.
If you find that something feels “off” in your relationship and you can’t
quite put your finger on it, it means that something is really off. Don’t deny
your gut instincts. Learn to be true to who you are so that you don’t get
cheated by being emotionally weak and needy.
The Girlfriend who deceives first then introduces her pack of kids
A man deserves to know that it wasn’t his sperm that impregnated you. The
worst thing you can do to a man is to string him along by acting real cute
because you want him to buy into you while having your kids in the witness
protection program because you want to trap him into being into you. It just
isn’t fair. Women who do this are desperate and insecure because they
figure that if the man knows about their kids then he’ll lose interest.
This kind of woman hides info about her life because she wants to cover any
evidence that she’s a mom. She figures being a mom will kill her chances of
men wanting to be with her so she pretends that she’s childless then drops
the bomb, “Ummm, I forgot to tell you about Johnny, Mary, Miley, Cutie,
Bobby, and Sally….they’re real cute and you’ll love them.”
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The Girlfriend who shacks up forever
You may have heard me rant and rave about moving in with a man,
pretending to be his wife and giving him all of his hearts desires when he
might not be thinking about really being with you long term.
If you’re this kind of woman, you’ll agree to live with your boyfriend or
worse, buy a place with your man on the make belief way to the altar. You
swear up and down that he’s going to marry you and you’re just trying to get
things in order to prepare for your wedding. You do everything that a wife
does but you don’t have the ring.
And here’s where it gets messy. Maybe you spend countless nights crying
yourself to sleep. On days when you are PMSing, your emotions bring
everything to the surface and you wonder when he’s going to pop the
question. You may have become his business partner or deeply intertwined
in your relationship with this man but there’s one thing gone wrong, you
didn’t get your dream wedding. Your man is contented having you for his
comfort food.
I recently met a man who I knew was wickedly attracted to me. I must
admit, his charm stroked my ego real good, but he’s not the sort of man I
would ever settle with.
He was living with his girlfriend, they bought a house together. I asked him
straight up, “When are you going to marry that woman?” He gave me a
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smirk. I said, “Man, I’d never let you get away with that. I’m not going to
live with no man, give him everything without a deeper investment. She’s
good.”
No, I didn’t hold back because I knew him very well. He looked at me like,
“Damn, you’re so right and you’re the type that I know wouldn’t put up with
crap like this.”
My comments actually pulled him towards me because deep on the inside he

knew that he was getting away with, um, a killing.
Maybe you’re the kind who did eventually get a ring but your man will put
up another road block to delay really tying the knot by making any excuses
possible. Because you’ve shown him all of you by living together, all of the
mystery is gone and he may now scare to death of marrying you.
He may be worried about the way you handle money or why you’ve settled
for wearing those washed out undies that you believe really gives your butt a
lift. It’s easier to love someone’s flaws when true love has progressed
through a number of stages and tested with time, not hurried infatuation
without substance like putting the cart before the horse.
But you’re going around showing off your ring while he stalls, excuses come
up, another year goes by and you’re still engaged. If you keep watching the
ring, it won’t magically make a wedding happen for you. If that were me
and it’s been a year with no plans, I’d give the ring back with a smile and
sashay outta there. Bye!
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The Girlfriend who keeps it coming with sex and benefits
You’re a sex and benefiter. Your man does not call you his woman. You’ve
made that title for yourself by being his 3am booty call girl.
I spoke with a man who was very honest with me. He found me attractive
and we chatted on and off for weeks. He was very upfront about the way he
felt about sex and told me that it was something that he quite enjoyed. No
kidding.
He also told me that a friend of his would meet up with him over a two year
period and they would have uncommitted sex. I thought, “Hmmm.” Then I
told him that I don’t think a man could respect a woman who’d do that. He
said, “I don’t agree with that. She is one of the women I really respect and
as a matter of fact she’s going to be getting married this year and I’ll be
going to her wedding.”
Ok.
I didn’t push it with him any further. I just thought, “Sure you respect her.
You respect the fact that she was always up for a good screw and expected
nothing else from you. That’s what you REALLY respect!”
A sex and benefiter will have a man running around with anything on four
feet and still come back for sex. He may not have used a condom. If you’re
this woman, you may have performed all types of sexual acts with your man
at his request or accommodated different types of sexual arrangements.
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Your man knows he will never have you for a wife and will try to “buy” his
sex from you by being extra charming even if his burnt-out conscience
catches up with him.
The Girlfriend on crack

You’re the drama queen who ALWAYS has an emergency. You make a
soft breeze seem like a twister because you are wired to go “off” when
things don’t go your way. You get into constant arguments with your man
or men about anything and you somehow believe that you are always right.
You’re a man bully who makes a case out of 2 plus 2. You’ll fight until you
draw blood and hold a shot gun to a man’s head demanding that he admit
that 2 plus 2 does not equal 4.
You may have been hurt several times in your past relationships and being
on the defensive is your way of protecting your turf.
When in a relationship, you don’t have a problem cussing his buddies off or
embarrassing your boyfriend and you may be on again, off again with him.
Your relationships usually follow a high then low. You go up and down on
an emotional roller coaster and the norm is just not reality for you.
The OM Girlfriend
You got yourself involved with another woman’s man and you’re waiting
for the day that he’ll leave his girlfriend/wife for you. You may even be like
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that famous celebrity who steals attached men because you don’t have what
it takes to attract and keep a free man. You’re the Other Woman girlfriend.
You may be his anytime snack, take his crap, he uses you in the sack, and
you don’t believe you’re better than that.
He may complain about how much of a bitch his woman is, why she’s not
meeting his needs, how she looks like a rag doll, making you believe that
you are exceptionally special. You get off on the fact that he puts her down
in order to be with you. He has no respect for her and you can’t see that he
has none for you either. You really think that she’s the wicked witch and
he’s your knight in shining armor.
You may have waited around for him for a long time or seduced him to be
with you and you have no guilt because you have no shame. You wanted
him and he’s now yours. Your shame went out the window when you threw
out your self respect in order to settle for a man who only wants to be with
you at his own convenience.
You may even think you’re doing his wife/girlfriend a favor by being
someone who he can “get things off his chest” with. You really believe that
she’s not doing her job and that’s why he’s with you. If your man has kids,
you don’t have time to think about them. If he’s still “trap” by the wicked
witch, you may be waiting for something terrible to happen to her so that
you’ll finally have your man all to yourself - without that distraction.
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You may also try to put pressure on your man to leave his wife/girlfriend
and year after year he keeps promising that he’s going to do it or he’s
actually stopped being a coward and left his woman for you. You may have
even met his wife/girlfriend or even deadlier than the atomic, you may be
her friend.
The Girlfriend who has her man on a leash

If you’re this kind of girlfriend you’re calling your man 24/7 – you have him
on speed dial. You want him to call you even if it’s been 5 minutes and he
needs to answer to you about what he’s done, who he’s been with, and
where he’s been. You’re his worst nightmare and he just doesn’t have the
guts to breakup with you, yet.
Your man will have you as the running joke with all of his buddies because
as soon as his cell phone rings, they’ll know its Mother Hen checking in.
You want him to say, “I love you” around his buddies for him to prove to
them that he’s really into you. Yuk! The truth is, he’s tired of you taking
him for a walk and he just wants to have a good long nap – away from you.
The Online Stalker who thinks she a man’s woman

You’ve signed up for online dating and came across a number of profiles.
But there is ONE man’s profile that you can’t seem to get out of your mind.
You may have made contact with him and you’re wondering why he hasn’t
been responding.
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The thing is, you just don’t get that you should come off of the internet and
have a life instead of sending this man thousands of winks, trying to IM him,
sending your smiles and hoping that he’s going to really be into you.
You’re holding onto a fantasy of wanting a relationship from a picture of

someone who may happen to be the stalker type or who may have a history
of treating women like crap. He might also just be a really nice guy who
wants you to leave him alone.
You don’t know anything about this man, except what his profile tells you
but you’re hoping that you will become his woman so you spend your time
in grand delusions of a greater kind.
The Jealous Girlfriend – aka JG

You’re like the girlfriend who puts a leash on her man, but worse. You are a
fire breathing dragon who’ll embarrass your man or make him spread em’ so
you can search for evidence that he’s been with someone else.
You are truly convinced that he’s always into someone else and your man
always has to explain his actions to you or adjust his words to please you.
Truth is, he can never please you because you can’t be happy. Your man ran
out of happy pills and you’re running on empty trying to get him to fill you
up.
Deep on the inside you’re not complete and you want a man to fix the
broken part of you. You’ll get into arguments with him if he’s working with
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a hot co-worker and if a woman accidentally flirts with your man, you’ll put
a “hex” on her.
The Insecure and Needy Girlfriend

Your man’s saturated by so much of you that he’s tired. You cannot stand
on your two feet and you feel threatened by other women who may appear to
have it together more than you. If you see a beautiful woman coming, you’ll
make sure you hang tight to put a claim on your man and to show her that
he’s yours. Your man may have disrespected you, talk down to you, treat
you like a doormat, or abuse you, but you don’t have enough self respect to
cut him loose.
You may have had a pattern of doing most of the work in your relationships
with men, being like a chameleon, running to China to get what he wants,
and accommodating him even if he’s cheated on you with other women.
You can’t say “no,” he has you acting like a “Ho,” and he knows he’s got
you good.
Your man has his cake, ice crème, rum and coke, whatever he wants, and
you’ll try to lock him down so that he’s not free to be with anyone else. You
may have gotten pregnant to hook him and he may still be out there running
around with your best friend but you love him so much and will wait for him
to get his act together.
Stand By My Man Girlfriend

Your boyfriend gets his regular workout all over your emotions and body.
No one can understand him but you. He loves you, he just has problems.
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Your motto is, “I’ll stand by my man” even if he’s on the verge of killing
you, stomping you in the ground, always gives excuses and has an
explanation for things that just don’t add up.
You can’t read the signs written in the sky. Your friends might have told
you to get out now but you’ve got a hold on him and won’t let go. He
consistently makes you out to be a piece of crap not worthy enough to
breathe.
You’re more worried about protecting your reputation and his. You’re
afraid of what other people would think if they really found out and you
believe it’s not that bad and some other woman is an idiot for living in hell
with a psycho boyfriend.
The Controlling Girlfriend

So right from the start you had it all planned out that there were just some
things about your man that you absolutely couldn’t stand but you continued
being with him because you thought the good things outweighed the bad but
now you realize that the bad has gone to worse. And you didn’t want to be
without a man anyway.
You’re the kind who’ll take on a man like a project, determined that you will
change him if it’s the last thing you do. You tell him what to say, how to
eat, what clothes he should wear, how he should spend his money, or why he
shouldn’t talk to his sister. You complain that he’s unromantic, or even bold
enough to tell your girlfriends that he doesn’t do it right in bed.
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You’re a perfectionist who wants the impossible to happen like your man
growing a full head of hair if he’s balding. Your man secretly thinks about
leaving you but you’re so arrogant, you don’t think something like that could
happen to someone like you.
The Woman’s Lib Girlfriend

You’re the woman who “do” modern like its going out of style. You’re
afraid to ever be thought of as June Cleaver and you make it very clear that
your career and lifestyle is more important to you than getting married and
starting a family.
In fact, the thought of having children is anti-you because you wouldn’t

want that to stand in the way of your career. “Nursing babies?” Yuk!
You’re saturated yourself in feminist ideals of “not NEEDING a man.” Men

can smell the fact that you don’t have time to meet their needs. The
relationship you have is with your career and plenty like you end up bitter
and lonely at the top.
The Girlfriend who becomes his Second Mom

Your man’s attraction for you went off the radar because you’ve become
mommy. It makes you feel good to be needed in that way.
You may have even started dressing the part of the bag lady mom who’s also
cousins with the controlling girlfriend but your control is more passive.
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Of course you know everything. He can always count on you. You take his
mess and never complain plus you bake him his favorite cake just the way
he likes it.
He keeps you around because he doesn’t really want to grow up and need
someone to tolerate all of his immature and childish behaviors so that he
doesn’t have to be a real man.
The Girlfriend who’s like “The Decept-i-cons”

This kind of girlfriend is worst than a fire breathing dragon. She actually
crawls on her belly out of view so men can’t see her betrayal coming.
One day she acts like she’s really committed to her boyfriend and then she
drops the bomb. She has a slithering dead conscience, the kind who would
leave a man for his friend.
Should I say she’s evil or grossly selfish? She’s the kind who’ll secretly
start to develop feelings for her boyfriends’ buddies because she can’t be
satisfied with having the attention of one man. She may flirt with other men,
act as if she’s single, and does not really hold loyalty true to her heart.
Deep on the inside, she’s all about her. She’s ruthless and may take a man
for all he’s got or may even use a man’s sperm as her free ticket to him.
Men shake in their boots at the thought of being with this kind of woman
because they know that all a devil does is to rob you and leave you for dead.
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Ex Girlfriend Girlfriend
We’ve all had our share of arriving at the end of a relationship where we
were either dumped or chose to move on. Being dumped unexpectedly or
betrayed is gut wrenching to say the least. You may have thoughts of
getting in the ring with your man to fight until you draw blood. I had a bad
breakup in 2006 and months of thoughts that could have landed me in jail.
As you can see, I’ve moved on to bigger and better things.
If you’re still trapped in the ex girlfriend zone, you may be thinking wicked,
evil, sinful thoughts of misfortune for the man who dumped you. It is
common to rebound by being in a relationship in order to feel loved and
validated, but it’s a waste.
It is because you’re still attached to your past and may be feeding your ego
of needing attention from the man you’re with while desperately hoping to
get back together with your ex. If you were betrayed, your breakup makes
you feel that you picked a loser and you’re left feeling used.
The feelings of being done wrong is like being banished to hell, especially if
you were with someone you thought was on the up and up, only to realize
he wanted a familiar friend. If you were faced with this kind of betrayal,
your boyfriend was basically a lazy imp who was too much a coward to
leave you first. He may have been sleeping with you and proclaiming his
undying love. Now you know he loved something else.
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You may still feel bitter and resentful. You may find it hard to move
forward with your life because your man was supposed to be with you
forever.
The Long-Term Girlfriend

You gave up your power when you didn’t hold out enough to allow your
man to really work to win you over. He’s had no fears of losing you. His
love for you has never really been tested.
You’ve never pulled away far enough from your man to really know if
you’re the one he really wants. You may secretly hope that he wants
marriage but settled for the “girlfriend” role. Maybe you fear that if you
bring it up, it may change your relationship or change the way your man
feels about you.
Rocking the boat is not an option and you may have even moved in together
and put your life on hold while your clock ticks away. You’re sure that your
man knows that you want marriage. He just can’t seem to follow through
with making you his wife.
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Chapter 1
Spiritual Chemistry and the awakening of the soul
This book is not for the serial dater, so if you’re the kind of woman who
hangs on to any man or become any man’s girlfriend, this book may not help
you.
Let me preface by saying that this is the sort of book that is written for a
woman who wants to find an intoxicating, vibrant, alluring and profound
connection with a man and desires a lasting commitment. You may have
already found this with your boyfriend and desiring to take your relationship
to the next level.
If you’re reading this and you’re thinking, “Huh, profound

connection?”…you haven’t found it. Dump your man and create the sort of
energy that can pull this sort of connection in.
When you find this profound connection, you’ll have real chemistry. Real
Chemistry magnetizes someone to you and allows for a deeper, richer, more
fulfilling experience to flow. It literally pulls someone into your being.
And we can have connections with many on different levels…some have a

friendship kind of chemistry, physical kind of chemistry, some an emotional,
some spiritual….or combined.
But Chemistry with “The ONE” has a deeper inner spiritual awakening that
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turns into heat, set your soul on fire, fill your inward desire, and bring you
into surrender. This kind of connection is what we often call, true love.
Chemistry with those who are potential friends remains on one level while
chemistry with “The ONE” carries a dance, beat, vibe, and energy…there is
something sacred about it. It transforms, woos, and is seductive, yet it does
not flow from the physical but opens up with force from the spiritual/soul -
A soul/spirit connection.
It is a powerful force - when the female energy dances with the male energy
– it moves beyond words and carry into heights unknown, beyond the
ordinary, everyday, normal, predictable, dull or average. It “fits” into layers
of the soul.
It feels untouchable yet you can touch it, it fills you up, draws you close, you
feel an inner “bop”…..alive, potent, intoxicating, alluring, fascinated, and
enthralled. It is just plain “cool.” There’s purity to it, a respect for it, and
adoration.
Force chemistry through the physical and it may elude you.

Manufacture it through emotional desperation and it may evade you.
Find true love and it will grip you.
Not an unhealthy addiction
This sort of connection feels like your man has awakened you on the inside
much like the Prince kissing the Princess and waking her up like in the fairy
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tales. Yet this sort of awakening is a dance, soul to soul, heart to heart. If
you don’t have it with the man you are with, you may have just fallen for a
simple attraction – a “feels good for now” type thing which may look real
because you have a few things in common.
But the sort of chemistry you must have is one that holds your destiny.
Meaning, this man was made for you and he fits into every part of your soul
with ease.
If you’re forcing it, rowing the boat to get it going, or it feels as if something
is missing, this is what is called, “a mediocre connection” not a deep soulful
one. Dump your man and quit settling.
Chemistry with “The ONE” is not an addiction to someone or a need to have

someone. It is a profound desire to NOT want to live without this sort of
passion in your life.
Here I go again about sex…early sex can trick you so that you think you
have a connection. You can be highly compatible with someone on the
physical level but unable to connect on a deeper soulful level and this
physical compatibility can feed a latent emotional desperation to NEED
someone at all cost.
Sometimes sex mimics this connection because you know as a woman, your
heart and soul are attached. In past relationships or the one you are presently
in, you may feel as though the man you’re with could be “The ONE”
because the sex is great and you have a number of things in common.
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Understand that it is the intricacies and layers of a man that should awaken
you and among that are his physical attributes. If he can melt you, just by
his look or by one word, if his maleness inspires you, if he can see into you,
if this connection feels divine and fuels an inner passion, then you know that
you may have found a connection that is real.
When you feel this inner click, it is like a revelation and it makes your
search feel complete. It is the sort of spiritual formula that a successful,
lasting relationship can be built on.
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Chapter 2
How to be a cool Girlfriend
A cool girlfriend is a woman who carries herself with so much class that it
calls a man up to being intrigued by her. A real man wants to feel that he’s
with a quality woman who he can really get excited about.
The way you respond to your man now will indicate to him whether he
wants to have you as a permanent part of his life and he deserves to get to
know whether you are right for him.
Sometimes women get into relationships and continue with a pattern that
will leave them looking like road kill. They continue to make the same
mistakes over and over again and then have a ME SAD pity party about why
they’ve been done wrong.
A cool woman is not uptight, she doesn’t appear as if she’s an FBI agent
with a man, and she definitely knows how to cook a man. Cooking a man is
quite simple you see, you’ve got to have a lot of sugar, spice, everything
nice plus the heels – and we’re not talking about sex here.
A cool girlfriend makes a man do the work to win her over while keeping an
ebb and flow that builds his attraction for her. If she’s really into him, the
relationship is really his idea.
The man is almost caught off guard by her reactions and she pumps up her
essence with such intensity that he eventually falls for her without knowing
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quite what happened except one day he wakes up madly in love and can’t
see himself living without her.
But being the coolest is when you bait him, date him, make him pursue you
and bring him to the tipping point without sex in order to see if he is really
“The ONE” you want to spend the rest of your life with. You may not agree
with me here but that doesn’t mean you should stop reading my advice.
Then again….do what the heck you want.
When your essence hooks a man, he’ll be hooked for good. Are you the
kind of woman who can leave such an amazing mark on a man that he holds
you as one who he just can’t live without?
A man wants a woman who can grip him. He wants to be around a fun,
playful, charming, trustworthy, mischievous, and mysterious woman who
keeps him on his toes while lighting every single one of his burners[don’t
mean only the sex burners]until he explodes like fireworks in the sky. He
does not want a gossipy man hater, who is a full-time complainer. He’s not
looking to wipe up every tear because you’ve made him out to be your
girlfriend by always getting emotional before your period.
You’re a cool girlfriend when you are funny, sassy, sexy, respectful, and
appreciative. You have a life and plenty of boundaries set up around you and
you are accountable to the important women in your life. You’re pursuing
your goals, you’ve got dreams, things in the works and you’re on the go.
Basically a man does not own you – you have a full life and he just fits into
who you are and what you’ve already got.
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When your man sees you, he doesn’t see his Great Grandma Thelma because
you take responsibility for looking like a hot woman. You don’t get so
comfortable with a man that you let yourself look like a thrift store model.
Not that there’s anything wrong with thrift stores. I bought a few things at a
thrift store before. Cool.
You maintain the same self care energy - taking care of you just as you did
the first day you met each other. You want to let your boyfriend know that
he can be proud of his woman and that you’ll always make yourself number
one. He wants to feel good when he’s with you.
Your man should feel safe opening up to you because you know how to
communicate with him in a way unlike any other woman. You don’t push,
push, push, ask him 100 times what he’s thinking, make assumptions, or
respond in a judgmental tone. You show him that he can trust you even if
he’s done something that you’re not proud about. Your man should never
and I repeat never have a better way of communicating with ANY other
woman but his mom and you.
You keep your options open even while dating him so that if he shows that
he’s not the one for you, you can dump him and move on to finding the man
who’s made for you. Always remember that you deserve true love.
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Chapter 3
Wear the girlfriend title but keep the exit door open
Men already know that many women are just dying to have the “girlfriend”
title. Some women go around with a sign that says, “Pick me! Pick me!”
and others may even be so pitiful as to flaunt their desperation in a man’s
face by looking like the girls from the red light district.
The desperate girlfriend will do anything to please and keep a man and her
man never doubts if she’ll stay with him. You want to be the kind of
girlfriend that keeps a man wondering.
Don’t get me wrong, your man should be able to trust you but he should
never feel that you’ll always be his waiter girlfriend. He should know that
there are just some things that you will never tolerate from a man which will
earn him the “this-is-why-you’re- not-with-me” status in no time flat.
When a man knows that you won’t lie on the floor and take dirt, he will
respect you far more than if you’re like a trained parrot.
There are two things that you should burn on your man’s brain:
#1
He should know that you’re still deciding whether you want to be with him
long-term. Meaning if certain things show up while dating, you’ll respect
yourself enough to leave him alone.
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#2
He should know that you will drop kick his rear end if he crosses the
“reasons to dump you” line.
These two things should be ever present in his mind at all times because
some men have a way of trying to convert an inch to a mile and many
women have a way of taking the trash and making it out to be sacred
treasure.
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Chapter 4
How we teach men to relate to us
Many women settle for the “girlfriend for now” title in temporary disposable
relationships with just enough superficial affection to make themselves feel
good. They teach men that they don’t have to be responsible for anything
but a good orgasm.
There are plenty of women who have not clearly understood that lowering
their expectations have caused men to remain in an emotionally premature
adolescent stage so they try to beat commitment out of men with a whip.
They become the gossipy man bashing, controlling, nagging, superstitious,
crazy drama queens who holds men hostage by demanding romance and a
long-term commitment.
If a man is emotionally absent, he’ll go through plenty of shallow bump and

grind sessions or wasted relationships until he grows up, breaks through into
a deeper meaningful existence and wants to commit to having a long-term
relationship.
No amount of words or “things” can make him get there until he’s ready.
Meaning your sex, erotic toys, pleading, showers of gifts, and mama
treatment won’t cause him to be the kind of man who’ll be able to meet your
emotional needs. Heard about women who try to hook men by becoming
pregnant? This is just the same if a man has to fight hard to get away from
you because you’re trying to get your webs around him.
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If a man meets a quality woman in his toddler existent stage, he won’t have
the capacity to treat her with class. He doesn’t have what it takes to really
work to win her heart, and he will rather settle for a low class doormat
who’ll deny herself in order to meet his selfish, self absorbed needs. Years
may go by before he really gets it. If you want to be a cool girlfriend, you’ll
stay away from being a man’s lapdog.
Is your boyfriend an emotionally intelligent and stable man or is he a self

obsessed weapon of mass? My theory is that men really are not afraid of
commitment, they just don’t commit to women they don’t fear (I’ll explain
the meaning of “fear” later). When a man knows that you just can’t live
without him, you’re dead to him.
You’ll mean nothing, and no amount of begging will get you into his heart.
It’s better to be alone than to have the feeling that at least you have
someone. It doesn’t matter which way you slice it, you really don’t have
your man if you don’t have his heart.
The sad truth is that plenty of quality women have to wait on some men to
become real men who’ll go past the low class one-dimensional way they
have learned to respond to women into wanting a deep and meaningful long-
term relationship. I am not suggesting that you put your life on hold for these
types of men, just letting you know that you shouldn’t waste your time
trying to get a boy to grow into a man.
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Chapter 5
The Key to Being Irresistible = artfully resist
If you want to heighten a man’s attraction and deepen his connection to you,
you must maintain an aura of always slightly being out of his reach. Think
about it as waves in the ocean crashing against rocks. The water comes in
and increases its intensity against the rocks then it pulls back. Each time the
waves come in, its force is different but its effect, powerful.
Many women kill a man’s attraction for them by allowing a man to get right
into their space but not allowing him to pull away or not gently coaxing him
away.
Building attraction is all about resistance. Resistance increases the feelings

of attraction in a man towards you because it stimulates his natural desire to
pursue you.
Resistance = Irresistible.
When a man comes close, you’ll naturally want him to keep coming towards
you but you must learn how to build anticipation by elevating his
expectations. Bring him close then gently push him back. Never allow him
to continuously push in to you without leaving him wanting more. Allow
him to unfold you.
Don’t always be available for your boyfriend to have full access to you,
hang off of you 24/7, know the exact details of your every move, see you in
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your worst state i.e., like wearing baggy, frumpy clothes, unshaven legs that
an animal can scratch on, bad breathe that would kill even a baby’s smile or
being too out of control emotionally. If you know you become like a fire
breathing dragon just before your period, take a leave of absence from your
boyfriend but never let him know that it’s because of PMS. EVER!
The sure fire way to have a man vexed is to act like a drill sergeant or a
prison guard. This kind of behavior is not resistance, its overkill and yes,
oh, yes, as nice as you may appear to be at times, you will not get the
attention of a man if he doesn’t know which side of you will come out to get
him.
I know you are NOT Barbie, and neither am I, but keeping the mystery alive
is critical to moving into deeper stages of intimacy.
If he wants to see you every night, come up with some excuse why you
can’t, like…you’ve got your own life equals, “Hon, I’m really busy tonight,
can we get together next week?” Make a date with yourself instead and hold
off seeing him until the following week.
Temper his need to be close and you’ll find that he will be even more locked
onto you when you’re not that available. This is what I call the Law of
Scarcity - If something isn’t that available, its price goes up.
The goal is not to frustrate your man and cause him to begin to resent you.
You have to learn how to be a pro at this…which is also called the art of
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seduction. Seducing a man has very little to do with taking your clothes off
and more to do with using your attitude and mind to get him to beg for more.
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Chapter 6
How learning the art of detaching will make you a catch
When I was in high school, I was brainwashed with feminist ideas of “not
NEEDING a man.” This whole philosophy was about empowering women.
Empowerment is great, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of disrespecting the
male energy. Men have a primary need of being needed.
These ideas need to be grounded in a respect for the masculine need or there
will not be enough maturity to have proper balance when it comes to relating
to men. It is both a respect for self as well as respect for having a healthy
relationship with the opposite sex.
If you’ve read my definition of the “Woman’s Lib” girlfriend, you know by

now that she’s the kind of woman who turns men off so much so that she
usually end up lonely and bitter.
There is nothing wrong with wanting independence and financial freedom

but you have to know where to draw the line. When I speak about
detaching, I mean having a graceful attitude of self confidence that will
cause you to not be a needy and insecure woman who settles for any Joe on
the go. If you’ve learned the art of detaching, it means that you feel
complete with or without a man in your life.
You are in tune with your feminine essence and you exude real passion and
strength. You are not the kind of woman with so much garbage that you
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need an incinerator and you are open and free with men so that your energy
pulls quality men in while pushing away the men who do not deserve you.
A desperate woman will do anything to make a man love her. She sits
around and throws tantrums. She complains that men do not pay her any
attention, how her biological clock ticks so loud you can hear it from outer
space, and has a diary full of the number of Jerks that did her wrong.
She’s the kind of woman who leaches on to men and make them responsible
for her happiness. Call her the ATTACHER! She usually lives for men, not
her own life. She NEEDS men and it is that she NEEDS men that she often
sabotages her relationships, get dumped or if she’s ready to date, can’t seem
to attract the right one. There are some who are 35 plus who have too many
lists, a man wouldn’t be able to fit in. They are too detached and men can’t
find them a catch.
And you will have to take some time to think about whether you have a way
of getting in your own way when it comes to drawing true love towards you.
You have a boyfriend now, but will you become an ATTACHER or will you
be the kind of woman who practices detachment?
When you practice detachment, it means you get busy with living your life,
pursuing your dreams, taking care of you, and give your boyfriend the
freedom to do the same for himself while being open to building a
relationship that could turn into a marriage.
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Being happy, carefree, laidback, fun, passionate, ambitious, caring,
sensitive, sensual, and kind are just some of the qualities that men search for
when they think about long-term. These qualities translate into being a
woman who’s artfully detached, a woman who can hold her own. If you
pretend to be all of this just to keep your man, eventually, the real you will
show up and sorry to be blunt but he should dump you if you’re not who you
say you are.
The more balance you carve into your life and relationships, the better off
you’ll be. Give your boyfriend the space he needs to pull even closer to you.
When you are “absent” from him enough but continue to leave a mark on
him, he’ll have no choice but feel you in his heart and soul. Because who
can compare with a virtuous woman?
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Chapter 7
How to test his emotional intelligence
The way to test a man’s EI is to see whether he meets your emotional needs
without having to beg it from him. If you consistently feel like number 1,
your man’s meeting your needs. If you don’t then you’re wasting your time.
If you’re begging, you should dump him. Reason: he’s not in tune with your
needs and if he’s not there, you shouldn’t have to hold a gun to his head to
convince him to give you his attention.
Forget about feelings for a minute and think about whether you want to
continue having to do all of the work and row this boat. I’d rather row a
boat all by myself than having to drag around dead weight anytime.
If you’ve been dating for a while and it feels right to you, imagine what life
will be outside of your romantic ideals. This should not be about, “And they
lived happily ever after.” Living happy has more reality in it than romance.
Your EI checklist:
 Are you his priority?
 Do you feel adored?
 Does he remember special events like your birthday and truly
celebrate you?
 Does he “get” you?
 Do you trust him?
 Is he emotionally present?
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 What do family/friends say about him?
 How does he treat people, family, and friends?
 Do you feel like the luckiest woman alive or are you yearning for a
magic spell to get him fine tuned to what you really long for?
 Does he speak to you with respect?
 Does he acknowledge and validate your feelings?
 Has he ever lied to you?
 When you disagree, does he withdraw emotionally without caring
about your feelings?
 Is he really a giving person?
 What is his outlook on life?
 Is he generally happy and upbeat?
 Does he have passions outside himself, a desire to make a difference,
to give back?
 Does he have solid friendships?
 Does he have a healthy emotional bond with his mother/family?
 Is his family normal?
 What were his past relationships like – was it always the woman’s
fault why it didn’t work out?
 How does he deal with his Ex if they share kids together? Is she the
bitch?
 Does he blame other people constantly?
 Does he beat you?
 Does he verbally abuse you?
 Does he prefer a long-term live-in arrangement over marrying you?
 Has he ever cheated on you or in his past relationships?
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This is a lot to think about, but better now than later. One of the critical
mistakes women make is creating a delusion of what a man could be and
holding on to the fantasy. When women do this, they are hoping that a man
will eventually change, but I’ve got news for you, they rarely do.
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Chapter 8
Why men rarely change
The first opposite sex relationship a man usually has is with his mother. If
this foundation is not a healthy one, a man cannot truly know how to love
and cherish you. Some men, who did not have the opportunity with a birth
mom around, did the work or found maternal bonding with aunts, grandmas,
mentors etc.
When the missing piece of a woman’s unconditional love was never formed
in a man, he will not know how to love you forever.
I recently spoke with a woman who was married for over 40 years. Take it
from someone who’s had experience. She told me that if a man does not
know how to love and respect his mother, he will NOT know how to love
and respect his wife/women and this has nothing with being a mama’s boy.
Some women would rather hold to a man than take wise advice.
I don’t care if he brings gold to your feet everyday – if you unlock him and
look deep within his core, you will see who he really is on the inside. This is
why I tell women to not rush sharing every layer of themselves with a man –
let him tell his own story by giving him time to reveal who he really is.
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The groundwork of his personality was formed before 7 according to pop
psychology. If he had a bad childhood, that’s a good indicator that he may
still be messed up. Feel sorry for him all you want and keep hanging on.
It’s hard for people to change and men are good at not changing for anyone.
In fact, women usually act how they think men want them to act more often
than men for women.
If he ignores you now, he’ll continue to ignore you. If he shows you he’s a
dog, he’s still going to have four legs 10 years from you.
A man’s ego usually stands in between him being a better man. Men usually
don’t want to admit they have problems because it’s not manly to do so and
they would rather change themselves than having other people tell them to
change.
If a man is too weak to make a change, he’ll never be the man that he could
be. He’ll always do life from his weak self instead of rising to be the hero
that he could be. But you can’t make him see it, believe it, think it, feel it,
spell it or do it.
It has to be his journey, his adventure, his pursuit, so if you’re wanting for
your boyfriend to change, you should change and get another boyfriend. I
know you love him but so what!
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Chapter 9
Why a man must fall for you first
When a man wants to have a relationship he’ll do whatever it takes to try to
convince the woman he’s interested in. He’ll literally try to charm his way
into your heart and make it clear that he wants you. If you’re uncertain
about the way your boyfriend feels about you or you are working at trying to
convince him to want you, you’re not treating yourself like a Queen and
he’ll just follow your lead. Stop dating him.
It’s a modern world, but it’s not equal on the playing field when it comes to
the dynamics of male/female courtship. Men should pursue women and fall
in love first.
If this does not take place in a relationship between a man and woman, the
woman is at a critical disadvantage because of the way men and women are
wired.
On a more instinctual level, men are wired to push forward using their innate
biological need to reproduce. Because men respond to their inner drive to
“plant their seed” a woman’s job is to respond to him in such a way that she
ensures that he has a deep emotional connection to her before surrendering
to his drive to have sex “NOW.”
Women are generally wired to want security from relationships and often
look at relationships with the end in mind. If you want to take your
boyfriend to your instinctual need for “FOREVER” artfully cause him to
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come to the tipping point where he falls in love with you and get hooked on
the idea of being with you forever.
If a man does not fall in love, him being with you is all about having or
waiting out for a good screw. Sex alone has nothing to do with love.
When a man is pursuing you, you have the power to accept or reject his
advances and you need to retain your power even after you decide to be his
girlfriend because he will not get to home base until he gives up the
opportunity to pursue other women in order to make you his “forever”
woman. If he’s only in the, “Damn, this feels good” stage he won’t have the
kind of bond that will cause him to be your forever man.
Giving up the pursuit to commit only to you is what you truly deserve. You
may enjoy his company, love to do things together, and share a special
connection but if he’s not willing to give up the pursuit to be with you
forever, you are not that special to him yet. You’re only good for NOW. If
you’re in this position with a man and you’re thinking that he will be your
lifetime partner even though he’s made no indication of this, get out of
dreamland and face reality.
Generally men fall in love with having great sex or making out faster than
actually falling in love – the kind that leads to a real commitment. Because
men give up their freedom slowly and methodically - like launching a shuttle
and checking/double checking to make sure that all of the calculations are
correct - you need to make sure that he stays in a zone where he’ll have a
chance to have a deep emotional attachment.
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Bond with your man outside the bedroom by doing things together that will
deepen your attachment. Share activities together, try new things together,
talk about your passions/dreams, etc. Basically, involve each other in
interests that will cause you to grow together so that you can develop into
deeper stages of intimacy.
Just because you have the girlfriend position doesn’t mean that he wants you
for a wife. If you can hold out enough to build his anticipation and cause his
desire for you to be red hot, then you’ll cause him to come to a tipping point
where he’ll begin to fall in love – with everything that’s unique about you.
When a man can get away with not having to show what he’s got, he’ll take
the easy way out. He’ll respond with his lazy ass self and become like a
giant manmade stone. A smart girlfriend holds out in order to test her man’s
character so that he can prove to her that he’s “THE MAN” – not a sex
starved beggar who fell out of a tree.
This is why giving your man a chance to prove himself is critical before
spending time with him becomes all about doing the bump and grind.
What you’re trying to see is whether he has what it takes, whether he truly
deserves you. If you’re dating a man and he did not come to the tipping
point, do not try to bring him there yourself. This sort of behavior is
forbidden. Why? You shouldn’t manipulate with words or attitude
demanding commitment.
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If your boyfriend truly loves you, he has both the fear of losing you and
passion for you intertwined in his heart. When something is of great value,
people usually have a hard time letting it go. Does your boyfriend cherish
you or are you simply his girl for now?
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Chapter 10
He makes your toes curl but you should make him wait – the critical
ingredient to enhancing his emotional and spiritual connection to you.
Giving men sex without them giving women commitment has pretty much
become the norm in today’s culture. Women need to make men work to win
them over. If you’ve read my eBook, I’m Not That Kind of Woman, you’ll
see that I went on and on about why it’s important to make men wait. Not
because I am a self proclaimed virgin who’s never had sex with a man.
Been there done that, was married for 9 years, now single and still want
some good cheesecake.
I am an extremely sensual woman in my prime and recently made a

connection with an incredible man. But as incredible as he is, nothing would
cause me to share myself with him in a profoundly intimate way unless he
was my spouse. I truly believe that he should deserve me that much and
there are a lot of psychological reasons why leveraging will increase your
worth and value in a man’s eye.
You may be thinking, “Well, that’s your rule, not mine.” Let me emphasize
that, in all respects, I am not a robot, but feels things very deeply and
express my affections without inhibitions; however, if you understand a
man’s natural drive and how your heart and body are attached, then you may
begin to give it a second thought.
This is why it is fatal to be with a man who does not have the ingredients of
being your spiritual/long-term life partner. Every time sleep with a man
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who’s not “The ONE” you’ll only scrape away at your heart leaving you
open to emotional trauma. If while dating you find out that he’s not a good
fit, you should dump him and date around until you find that fit and I
advocate dating around without sleeping around.
Having a physical attraction to a man is not enough, nor having a few things
in common. You job is to date around until you find a man who awakens
you so that he fits into the purpose for your life.
How many have failed and felt cheapened because they fell into their
feelings and ended up with nothing? I am not saying that it is a guarantee
that keeping that sacred part of me will turn out for the best, but at least my
heart and conscience will be quieted to know that any man didn’t dip his
stick in me and made me his flavor for the day – “No, honey, this is not for
sale!” “If you want easy sex, go and get it from the booty girl crowd.”
Giving him sex won’t make him love you more – he can love sex and not
love you. This is the way he’s wired. He can be physically attracted to you
and not love you. He can love to be around you and not love you. If he falls
for you, if he loves your essence, if he’s emotionally hooked on the thing
that makes you (YOU), if you have a deep spiritual connection, he will want
to take your relationship into a forever status.
I have had the chance to speak to a quality married men who felt sorry for
women who lost their sex in a men without a “forever” commitment. He
adores his wife of 20 years. While driving into town with his wife, he began
to share with me how men are really wired. He said, “Trust me Nicole, I
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didn’t want to admit this to my wife but she made me see it, men are like
predators.”
He continued to tell me that men are partly driven by instincts and women
need to understand this instinct to have an advantage. When women are
easy with men, they find it hard to respect them. He said that respect is the
key that causes him to adore his wife because she is a secure woman who
often offers him a challenge. Without this sort of resistance, a man can’t
really appreciate what he’s got because he’s wired to be a worker. When
men work for something, they add value to it.
You may end up with men who won’t confess this inner secret because they
don’t want you to know how vulnerable they really are. But if you’ve been
married or spoke to men who will dish it out, you’ll begin to get a picture
about the inner secrets of men.
I watch a pretty delicious romantic comedy recently. I give it 10 stars

because the woman who became the man’s love interest was his best friend
who wouldn’t put up with his crap. The super greatest part is that she was
an attractive woman who was in his life as a friend but she didn’t sleep with
him like the other easy girls. He had plenty of beautiful women who slept
with him.
But this woman understood him and stayed away from being that kind of
friend. She remained his friend – not his friend with benefits, and this gave
him a chance to grow up past being a horn dog to realize that all of the easy
women weren’t for him.
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Some women can’t wait for this to take place so they quickly accept the
girlfriend role and give their boyfriend sex hoping that his will keep him
around. A man can be physically attracted to you without an emotional
attachment. You bring him to decide to fall in love with you based on how
much value you place on yourself.
If he’s good looking and you continue to look at him with desperate longing,
then he’ll know he’s got you hooked. But if you act like he’s not all that
while remaining friends then he’ll wonder why he’s superman and you’re
not falling for him like all the other girls.
Whether you agree with my opinion or not, sex for a man can be different
than it is for a woman. So although many women believe that men have
more options, they really don’t if plenty of women smarten up.
Because men are usually trying to open women up so that a woman can feel
secure enough to surrender to him, she has the power over whether she will
keep her sex or give it away.
If you’re the kind of girlfriend who already has your man on his second
season of sex, then you’re not giving him any reason to work towards
proving that he could really be the man of your dreams.
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Chapter 11
How a man decides that you’re “The ONE”
Infatuated (love) can happen at first sight. You meet someone and there is
the feeling of an instant deep connection. You somehow feel in tune with
this person and surprisingly drawn in by their energy. This usually happens
unexpectantly.
Other types of love can develop overtime, but primarily you want a man to
have agape (unconditional) love for you because this is the only foundation
where true love can last.
When a man decides you’re the one for him, this means that he’s not only in
love with you but he has enough love in his heart to support a long-term
commitment with you.
I recently spoke with a man who told me 3 women were willing to come
with him when he had to leave town to relocate because of his job. I told
him, I’d never move for a man. He told me that when he finds that special
woman he feels is “The ONE” she won’t have to ask him, he’ll make it clear
that he wants to be with her forever.
These women just wanted a boyfriend and placed themselves in this man’s
heart. They were willing to sacrifice themselves for him. A smart woman
knows better.
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Now that you’re his girlfriend, he’ll likely want to keep you in hibernation to
see whether or not you have what it takes to commit to you further. Some
men know right away and some take their time because they value their
freedom and don’t want to crap their pants knowing that they made a bad
decision.
If a man is putting you in hibernation, it is a type of waiting period much

like a baby who hides and develops in a womb. A man wants time to watch
you, to check and double check that you won’t turn out to be his worst
nightmare. Men must be impregnated with love for a woman and it takes
time for a man’s affection for you to go from his body to his soul.
You need to allow him to take this journey on his own without holding a
shut gun to his head by having the talk about where your relationship is
going. Don’t ever have the talk with a man – a smart man will dump a
woman who’s trying to define where the relationship stands and rightly so.
A man wants to feel that you respect and appreciate him - that he’s not being
used by you to get ahead so he may test you in ways that shows up the real
you. For example, if it’s been past six months and he takes you out to a nice
restaurant, he’s looking for whether you’re going to complain about the
service or appreciate his efforts. If the food was bad and you can’t shut up,
it will make him feel like he can’t please you. It’s better for him to say it
was crap.
When he consistently feels like he can’t please you, he won’t feel that he can
make you happy and the number 1 thing a man wants to feel is that he can
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make a woman happy. If he can’t feel that he can make you happy, he will
feel incompetent as a man. He’s looking for someone who makes him feel
manly. But that’s not to say that you should a little “d” girl. A real man
wants a strong woman who knows how to be feminine yet has the ability to
hold her own.
Are you the one he feels an amazing connection with on all levels and do
you fit into his values/lifestyle, family/friends/future? These are the sort of
questions on a man’s mind. In order for a man to pick you, he must feel like
he’s never been with a woman quite like you and he could never go back to
anything else.
You know how a man has to “find” himself so to speak? Well it is much the
same as falling in love with you. A man must capture the love for you in his
heart until it burns him up. And you want him to burn, hot on fire for you,
so that everything about you penetrates his inner being.
He has to stumble upon a realization that you’re the woman who he HAS to
be with forever and the best way for this to happen is when he has a chance
to feel both the fear of losing you and an indescribable passion for having
you in his life.
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Chapter 12
What is “fear and passion?”
Creating fear is not about having your man literally afraid of you but making
him know what should be burned on every female’s brain – which is also
technically called – having self respect.
It’s him knowing that he cannot and should not take you for granted, that
you will leave him in the dust if he crosses the “reasons to dump a man”
line, and make him have regrets for more than 1000 years if he were ever
dumb enough to do something stupid.
When a man has no fear, then he’ll have no respect which in turn causes him
to try to get the house, car, Iphone, booty sex, a little somethin’ somethin’,
laptop, and flat screen TV for free. Plus, he’ll verbally, mentally,
psychologically put you down, treat you like trash, take a few, move in with
you, when people ask he’ll say, “who?” or keep you for his long-term
girlfriend. I know, I know, you may disagree here. Its ok, I love you
anyway.
The next time you listen to your married/attached girlfriends go off about
their man, listen for how they talk about their man and you’ll tell whether
their man has “fear and passion” for them.
When you love yourself enough to demand being treated like a queen, you
don’t go around being a dog who barks to get attention. You insist on it by
the way you treat yourself. If your man pouts, you’re still happy. If he
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doesn’t like your choice of clothes, you wear them anyway. If he tries to
push your buttons, you call him out and you don’t give him makeup sex if he
has done something wrong and won’t say he’s sorry.
When a woman cherishes herself, she acts like a rare gem. She doesn’t give
anything away for free. She makes a man work to win her heart, and she
doesn’t let her entire world hang on his opinion. This kind of attitude will
create a healthy fear in a man’s heart which will cause him to “adore” you.
This fear is the foundation on which respect is built. A man will keep
thinking, “She’s so different, could she slip away?” or “I’m falling in love
with her, I don’t want to lose her.”
When a man respects a woman, he can feel passionate about the things that
are unique to her. She creates passion by being a unique version of herself,
not a carbon copy of a fake she-man who hijacks him into a relationship.
Her life is meaningful, she does the things that contribute to her happiness
and to the people around her, and she is a spiritually balanced woman who
adds value to the lives of others.
Your personal passion awakens his masculine energy and he’ll begin to fall
in love with the things that are unique to you. You appreciate and respect
him, he feels manly when he’s with you and there is also an intoxicating
sexual chemistry when you are together.
You fuel the passion by the necessary space that he needs to continue his
pursuit until he falls into heat over you and wants to be with you forever.
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You respond with a kind of resistance by being available but being elusive.
This kind of response just happens naturally if you’re living from your inner
essence.
You pull him in, then hold back, then remain a mystery, then become
unavailable which makes him wonder, throwing his heart into good chaos
which helps test it to see if there is real love there for you. If he did not find
this passion for you, then he’s with you for the wrong reasons.
If you’re the kind who sits around making house with a man for a
millennium, being old dependable, and nagging him to death, then it’s time
to make a change. Stop wasting your time dating your man and start to
make room in your life for a quality man who wants to make you his #1.
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Chapter 13
Creating Fear
Ever heard of the kind of the woman who’s with a man, really cares about
him, has the ball in her court and couldn’t care less about trying to hook him
in even though she wants a long-term commitment? If you’re not this kind
of woman, then your man may not have any fear or passion for you.
You have to be the kind of woman who can tell your man like it is without
coming across like a female Hitler. You’ll turn him on when you can “speak
your mind” while being charming. You must show him that you are a gutsy
woman who does not make false threats. If you say you’re going to do
something, then you should follow through.
For example, if he’s always running late and you’ve communicated that
you’ll make plans to do something else if he’s not on time, then you should
do it without calling him to tell him that you’re making plans because he
didn’t show up. Men need to be shocked into good behavior.
If your boyfriend has never thought of you as a sassy woman, you’re not
being a cool girlfriend. You’re just kissing his rear end in order to make him
marry you. A cool girlfriend is a woman who can offer her man a real
challenge. And men will leave when they don’t have the kind of struggle
that causes them to have renewed respect over and over again.
I am not advocating for you to be a domineering wrench, you’ve got to be

the sort of woman who will have your boyfriend know that you’re not stuck
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on him like superglue - this is how to create true fear which equates to
respect.
Fear Creation Tips
1. Do not be instantly available every time your boyfriend wants to go

out with you, call you, email you, or tries to get in touch with you. If
you think this is about playing a game, then you don’t know how to
create value in the heart of someone else. Anything that is easily
available loses value. Don’t go running to the phone like you’re
going for Olympic gold. He’s only a man for crying out loud!
2. Change your look every six months to a year. Upgrade your style,
wear a different perfume, get a new haircut and make sure your
accessories say “I’m in love with me.”
3. When you get into disagreements, take the high road and don’t give in
just because you don’t want to rock the boat. A decent amount of
boat rocking is good for a man’s soul.
4. If he keeps doing something that bugs you, don’t talk about it
anymore. Follow through with a plan that will cause him to wonder if
you’ve been snatched away by a harlequin man to Hawaii for a few
days. He needs to feel that way.
5. Speak once, follow through twice!
6. If he crosses the line by acting like a man who hasn’t eaten for days,
let him have a couple of weeks to think it through. Meaning, don’t
call him to nag him about respecting you or pick up the phone if its
him who’s calling. Respect yourself first.
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7. Have a sense of humor like a real Hottie who’ll cause him to not quite
know if you’re always serious about serious matters. Say things in a
sly, mischievous, playful matter. For example, if he’s talking about
going away with you for a few days, joke around by saying, “Hmmm,
you know I was thinking of spending sometime away with Doug so I
don’t know if I can go with you!” He’ll be thinking, “Who’s Doug?”
8. Act as if he hasn’t quite got you even if he’s the most wonderful,
sincere, amazing man you’ve ever met.
9. Speak your mind but be respectful of his opinions.
10.Call him out if he’s trying to wiggle his way out of a situation but let
him hear it with respect.
11.Dump him if he deserves it.
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Chapter 14
Creating Passion
A man can be passionate about you when you have the ability to bring out
the man in him unlike any other woman while living a supercharged life
outside of him. He secretly wants to know that you can get inside his head,
challenge him to be a better man without being his mother, and that you
won’t tolerate his crap.
When you are a woman who has passions in life without trying to convert
him to your way of seeing things, then he’ll respect you for not making him
an inner city project. Men hate it when women try to change them. They
have a “try-to-change-me-and-I’ll-dump-you” built in switch.
You have to be a woman who has something to live for, who exist outside of
him and who’ll make decisions that are in your best interest while still
communicating to him that you care.
Men are passionate about women who are different without being weird.
This kind of woman has a different way of seeing things but she is not
arrogant about it. She doesn’t appear to be a superior feminist who’ll
emasculate him but treat him as an equal and has a high degree of respect for
his masculine energy.
If your life if flat, you are skating on thin ice. You’re making your life all
about him and although he may love the feelings of being comfortable with
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this sort of arrangement, don’t be surprised if he begins to withdraw in order
to search for a challenge.
If he is already withdrawn, he’s just waiting for something more interesting

to come along or may have already gone fishing. If you don’t suspect he’s
gone fishing, you can pull him back in by creating a fascinating life outside
of your relationship without telling him why you’ve made these decisions.
For example, you can say, “Honey, I’ve decided to volunteer for helping to
build homes for needy families.” This alone will make him wonder why
you’re making the sort of life change and will renew his interest.
Passion Creation Tips
1. If you’re not in tune with what you were created to do on planet earth,
begin your search immediately and find your mission.
2. Have a BIG life outside of him. If you haven’t done anything lately,
do something for charity. Find a new hobby like taking salsa classes.
You’d be surprise how doing something new will cause him to be
even more stuck on you.
3. Follow your dreams and achieve your goals. Don’t ever let a man
stand in the way of following your dreams nor change your goals just
to please him. If he’s not aligned with your life’s goals, he may not
be the man for you.
4. Spend time making a difference in the lives of other people but make
sure that he knows that your relationship is priority and actually make
it a priority.
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5. Understand him like no one else does. Do memorable and unique
things for him.
6. Celebrate him, not necessarily what he’s got. Place more emphasis on
who he is as a man by not missing a special occasion.
7. He should know that you respect and appreciate him. Show your
appreciation for his opinions and his hard work.
8. Take a break from him by getting away with girlfriends, be passionate
about taking care of yourself and he’ll follow suite.
9. Live a happy life free of consistent complaints and make him aware
that he makes you happy, if he really does.
10.Always pursue personal growth and self improvement.
11.Stick to your personal values and don’t ever compromise them for
him or anyone else.
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Chapter 15
When a Man falls in love
When a man falls in love, there is absolutely no doubt in his mind that he
wants to be with you. In fact, his desire for you burns him up. There are no
and’s, ifs, or but’s…he’ll want you….BAD!
He can feel it in every part of his being. He feels helpless when he thinks
about how much he cares about you and excited at the same time. When
he’s in love, you literally hold the keys to his heart. You can make him or
break him.
A man’s true love is powerful. It is consuming and has the power to ignite
and awaken you. He’ll have a pulsating desire for you, he’ll be able to feel
his desire for you in his soul, it will consume him, he won’t be able to get
you out of his mind, and he’ll want you with every fiber in his body. He’ll
long for you, ache to have you close, and think about spending his life with
you
His love for you fuels your potential because he believes in everything you
are and everything you can be.
He’ll support you and cover you. He’ll sacrifice, he’ll lay himself down for
you and he’ll always be in your corner. You won’t have to beg for his time,
he’ll give it freely. He’s in tune with what you want, your desires, your
needs, your passions and he’ll step up to the plate for you. He’ll want to be
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a better man because of the way he feels about you and the influence of his
love will cause you to want to become a better woman.
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Chapter 16
How to deal with disagreements
Having a man thinking that he’s always right is what the insecure girlfriend
does but you’re not that kind of girlfriend. Your man must know that you
have an opinion and will hold your own.
When you disagree, take the high road and this will naturally cause him to
have his back against the wall. Call him out without cussing him out by
asking questions. Questions get you what you want - Statements get you
into more arguments.
Saying things like, “you always or “you never” will cause a man to shut
down so fast that he’ll most likely stone wall you. Asking questions is
easier said than done when you’re in the heat of the moment but remember
that the person asking questions is the one who is in charge of the
conversation.
So if he makes a statement, then you could say, “Would you clarify what
you meant by XYZ? Or if he accuses you of something, then you could say,
“Is that what you really think?” When you’re the one asking the questions,
it puts the ball back in his court and keeps you in control of you.
And if you really just need to go off on your man, then roll up your sleeve,
look him in the eyes and walk. When a woman walks, it causes a man to
tremble. He’s looking for her to get into a cat fight but she’s proving that
she’s in control of her emotions which makes him shudder. A man is used
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to walking because that’s how he keeps his power but you’re the kind of
girlfriend who’ll make him think twice.
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Chapter 17
Female nagging equals Male rebellion
If you nag, please stop. If you intend to nag, don’t! If you’re going to live
your life nagging your man, he should dump you and you should be single.
Men will literally want to give me thousands of dollars for writing this
chapter. This is because nagging is a serious female disease. You’re not his
mama and he’ll lose the attraction that he once had for you.
When you nag, he’ll respond to you like a toddler and act out. He’ll rebel
because he wants a Hottie not a Mommy. You’ll lose your edge and slowly
kill his desire for you, and then you’ll wander why you ended up dumped.
Again!
It is because you don’t want to listen…you think you know it all and you
always want to be right.
Well you’ll be right when your man goes right out the door.
Men hate nagging. They despise it. They don’t like it when a woman tries
to change them, blame them, guilt them or fault them.
Actually they want to believe that they are always right. We know they are
not.
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But there is a difference in wanting to believe that and actually trying to
always act as if you’re always right.
If you don’t stop, he’ll go look for an easy going, drama free, baggage free,
and stress free relationship. Guaranteed!
“But he loves me!”
Well he might love you but he won’t put up with your superior domineering
attitude for long. Trust me, he won’t.
If you’re thinking about what you can do to make your relationship better
and you think it’s trying to change him, you’re wrong. It’s actually
changing you. Being woman enough to stop throwing tantrums!
If he’s not doing what you want, get a new boyfriend or get lost. Go away
for a while and don’t call. But don’t ever try to change him or you’ll
unleash the beast.
Want to know the art of influencing a man? Tame the beast by showing him
that you appreciate everything he is and believe in everything he can be
now. Even before he does what you want.
Show him you can be happy even if he’s not doing what you want. He’ll be
impressed. This will translate into you being responsible for your own
happiness.
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Chapter 18
What to do if you want to spend more time with him
Your man needs his “guy” time but he may have an “excessive hanging with
the guys” syndrome.
Women do not like when the men they are with spend all of their time
getting drunk in being “male” because they come out of their caves stiff,
rigid, and unromantic. Your man may have heard you nag for the billionth
time about always being with the guys but now it’s your time to shine.
I know you know how to pick up the phone and call 1-800-My-Little-Trip, a
very useful intervention to getting your man’s attention. When you decide
to dial that number, you’ll shut up and get so far away from him, he’ll begin
to wonder if you were locked in the arms of hot guy. This is how to
straighten him out!
The next time he’s gone buddy bonding, decide to not answer your phone
when he finally decides to call. He’ll most likely call you waiting to hear
you go on and on about how long he was away. Drop that school girl
attitude by not being available so that you can start the ball rolling when you
finally decide to surprise him with the news of your trip.
No, I was not kidding about dialing 1-800-My-Little-Trip. I really meant

that you should go away for a few days or make plans to go away by
yourself or with some girlfriends. You will have your man shaking in his
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boots because a woman’s silence has enough atomic power to make a grown
man cry.
He’s gotten used to you always being in his face and may initially like the
fact that he can go off and do some “guy stuff”, but the reason why this will
work is because you going away without nagging him about being with the
guys is something out of the ordinary. He’ll think that you’ve had it and
found another man – a great, great attention getter!
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Chapter 19
What to do when you’re really angry with him
If you’re like me, you want to cuss your man out and send him to hang with
the satellites in space when he does something to really get you going but
you must learn the sacred art of silence. When you’re really pissed off, just
keep saying, “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up……….”
Shut up!
Remove yourself from him and do not initiate contact until he gets the
message that you won’t tolerate his behavior. Don’t wait by the phone for
him to call, do things that will channel your energy elsewhere in order to
take your mind off him. Do not allow him to be in charge of your happiness.
You must force yourself to learn how to get into this zone and it will not be
easy because women tend to have vocabularyitis by ripping men up and
down about what they’ve done wrong. If you’re a punisher, he’ll feel like
he’s been a “bad” boy and get worse.
Make him have to call a few times to get a hold of you and when he finally
comes crawling back, don’t punish him, just listen. Respond by letting him
know how his behavior made you feel and what your expectations are next
time. Then forgive him and move on.
Men know that women have more to say than they do and you may be the
kind of girlfriend that still go on and on about nothing even after your man
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says he’s sorry. A genuine “I’m sorry” from a man is your cue to shut up
and change the subject. If you can shut up, your man will thank God for you
everyday. Trust.
It will be hard for him to come back to say he’s sorry if he thinks you’re
going to send him to hell for it. If he keeps up an undesirable behavior and
you can’t see yourself living with it any longer then you have two options:
dump him or dump him.
You’ll know which to choose based on whether his behavior falls into the
“Do not tolerate” category. Is he disrespectful or just is a minor flaw? Your
man needs his “guy” time but if he gets into the habit of taking off on you,
maybe it’s time to take a permanent vacation from him.
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Chapter 20
The danger in waiting
The most dangerous place for a woman is standing right in the middle of a
man’s intense desire for her and waiting for him to make an exclusive
commitment or for him to propose.
I’d say this is more difficult than getting a bikini wax – joke. No, this is
more difficult than getting your teeth pulled.
See, when a man is high on you, he needs to also follow through with his
desire to make the decision to actually have you as the only woman he wants
to be with now and forever.
Sometimes men know this and act on it. Then there are the poor guys who
just need so much help, you want to just whack them over the head and say,
“Will you PLEASE hurry up already!”
Not that you should be in a hurry. You also need to make sure he’s Mr.
Forever but the poor guys, their inner clock seem to go as slow as a turtle
crossing the road.
You just have to be patient with these kinds or maybe, just maybe you’re
giving way too much so that he’s not experiencing “Fear.” If you are
waiting, you should never have the “talk” with your man. This is a sure fire
way for your man to fix you in his mind as weak and insecure. Again, it
should be his idea.
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Some women wait around for way too long and these kinds should know –
“If he hasn’t popped the question by now, he will never, never, never pop
the question.”
These types of women won’t accept reality and continue to waste their time.
To be a smart girlfriend is to not waste your time but allow your relationship
to take a natural progression, climbing into different levels of intimacy and
commitment.
You’ll have a knowing inside when you’ve grown together through a variety
of life changes, talked about issues that are apart of a long-term commitment
and you can picture yourself authentically being with your man for the long
haul.
You may not like my article below but I believe it is one of the reasons
some men stall on marrying a woman he has gotten to know pretty well:
Article - Why Your Man Hasn’t Married You
You've been dropping the hints like rain on bees or maybe you've been nagging
your man and you still can't get him to marry you.
Why don't you sit back and really think about why he should marry you? Would
you want to spend the rest of your life with "you?"
I mean another version of you.
The other you - the nagger, complainer, whiner, tantrum throwing, and blowing
fire through your nose kind of woman who can't get your man to really commit.
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I'm sorry to punch it out so loud but you've got to start thinking about why you
think that you deserve so little as to be with a man who won't commit to you. Why
did you settle for that?
Is it because he's better than nothing?
Is he a genius who can make stars or something and can put them in your eyes?
Is he like Superman who can catch you if you're falling out of the sky?
What's so important about him that you're waiting around wasting decades of
your life on someone who doesn't share the same value as you?
I know I've asked a lot of tough questions but, lady I'm just trying to get you to
think about it because you probably think that waiting around for your man is
going to convince him to finally make a trip to the jewelry store.
It won't.
He'll love you for providing comfort and security when he's supposed to take the
lead to make you feel like the most important and special person in his life.
Men won't act when women wait around for them. Actually, they sit back and
enjoy getting their egos on steroids with women who just can't leave them alone
because, "I know she'll always wait around for me."
That is until you become the sort of woman who'll kill him with the heels.
If you're not a walker, that's why your man hasn't married you.
You've given him everything and nothing to work for so he sits around with his
crazy ass self thinking that desperate old you will never go because you're stupid
and you can't get a man other than him. (that's what he's really thinking)
But if....
If you decide to be the sort of woman who'll truly command a man's attention -
with your ACTIONS - not your words, you'll see how fast he breaks the Olympic
World Record for world's fastest man - the fastest man to the jewelry store.
But by then, he should be dumped!
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Chapter 21
If you need to let him go
There comes a time when you need to say, “Bye, bye” to a man and it could
be for a variety of reasons. As I have said in my other book on dating, I’m
Not That Kind of Woman, don’t try to figure out how to keep a man. This is
a sin. I’m sorry to be so overly dramatic about this but if your relationship
isn’t working, this ought to be more than a sign from God. He’s not for you
or it may not be the right timing if you were not yet together as a couple.
If you’ve been having sex with your man, you will find it much more
difficult to untie the knot and I wish I could have convinced you that making
a man wait is in your best interest. When you need to break it off, you have
to break away from different levels of emotional attachment from a man and
sex creates a deeper level of emotional bonding. Breaking away from this
level of emotional bonding is more of a heart breaker.
You’ve come to a decision that you need to let him go so don’t waste your
breath by going on and on about why you made up your mind to go your
separate ways. Just keep it real, sincere, calm and brief.
What you could say to your man:
I think you are wonderful and I want you to be happy. I’ve come to a
decision about what I want and I feel it is best we go our separate ways.
I think the world of you and I don’t regret the time we’ve spent getting to
know each other. Wish you all the best.
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Chapter 22
If he ends it
Here’s what I shared in my book, I’m Not That Kind of Woman on what to
do when a man wants to end a relationship:
When a man breaks it off, it can be a hard pill to swallow. File him away in
your Mr. Wrong category and the ones who are genuine Jerks, move them to
the part of space that has a black hole in it. Don’t allow Mr. Wrong to take
up space in your mind. Do whatever it takes to get your mind off of him.
Get yourself together and get happy. Quick
You may have had hopes of him being the one and really enjoyed being with
him but you must take what he says to you seriously and do not become a
Drama Queen. EVER! Your secret weapon: joy, lots and lots of it.
You don’t have time to wallow in self pity. Pick yourself up, even if you
have to do so by your bra strap and don’t listen to any well meaning advice
that you should give him time, try to remain friends, or contact him. This is
not in your best interest because you should never beg a man to reconsider.
That’s not being smart!
You don’t want to appear weak because people don’t respond very well to
desperate acts. If you’ve ever watched the bachelor, you’ll know what I
mean. This is beneath you. When a man starts telling you that he is no
longer into you, he means it. You must remain calm and together. Don’t
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ever break down by starting to cry in front of him but remain in control and
act like it’s totally OK with you - deal with your feelings after. Break down
and let it all out after you’ve turned your back. What he wants to hear is that
you can handle yourself like a lady not buckets and buckets of rain.
When you’re able to get some perspective, you’ll be proud that you were
strong and didn’t fall apart. You’ll feel good about how you handled it
instead of having a criminal record of holding a man hostage to you.
My girlfriends’ relationship with a co-worker didn’t work out and she found
it difficult because it ended unresolved. She was raging angry but she didn’t
show it when she would go to work. After a couple of weeks of reflection,
she came to the realization that knowing her personal self worth and value
was the key.
She decided to not allow a man, opinions, or circumstances to define who

she is as a woman. This level of enlightenment caused her to begin to
pamper herself by going out on the town, to the spa, getting her hair done,
and new clothes. And she told me that the best thing that could have ever
happened was to bump into him looking like a Fox. That day she was hot
and she knew it. As a matter of fact when she saw him at the elevator it was
a showdown - her chance to strut her stuff. They locked eyes, he checked
her out, and when she did the cat walk straight towards him while being
happy like she just won a million bucks, he suddenly lost his confidence
[BOOM].
He tried to make small talk and she thought she’d stop but she looked down
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and saw that her legs kept walking. She walked away with her power and he
was left there drooling.
P.S. That’s how you should handle a breakup.
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Chapter 23
How to get a trip to the jewelry store – or not
CAUTION – Use this strategy only if you are an extremely secure woman
who believes that you deserve more and willing to lose your man to truly get
what you deserve. Yikes!
This decision is very easy for a woman who is self assured and knows that
her future does not hang by the thread of her boyfriend’s coat. If you’re the
kind of girlfriend who still wants to hang with the long-term, 10 years plus
crowd, then this is not for you.
Some men take their time to decide what they want and it should come as no
surprise that if you’re giving your man sex, dessert, breakfast in bed, and a
pole dancing show then he won’t be in a hurry to marry you.
If you’ve been dating for more than a year, then you’ve had plenty of time to
figure out if your man is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.
This is by far the best way to know whether he wants to marry you.
Take a few days to think over what I’m about to suggest because I don’t
want you to write me to tell me that I’m responsible for you no longer
having a boyfriend. It is my suggestion but your decision, got it?
What do you want? Do you want a long-term boyfriend or do you want a

man madly in love who wants to commit to marrying you?
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Choose a day to go out and have fun, then when the evening is over, start to
have the sort of talk with him that plenty of women should really have with
their man. You should appear sincere, confident, indifferent and cool. This
is how your conversation could flow:
“I really love you and we’ve had so many amazing times together. You
mean the world to me. I have been thinking a lot lately about what I want.
I want for us to both be happy and for me, this means settling down with
someone to marry and start a family with so I think it’s best if we both go
our separate ways.”
Whoa…..
When you decide to have this little chat, you have to stand your ground
about what you want. No calling him after the chat to ask if he’s thought it
over. You’re making the decision for yourself about what you want without
giving him an ultimatum which equates to forcing him to want you.
You are willing to walk away even though he means a lot to you. When you
come across being kind and gentle, while making it also appear that you’re
in his best interest, it will automatically force him to make a decision about
your relationship.
When a woman has this sort of talk with a man, it will show him up in ways
that will reveal to her what his true intentions are. He will have no choice
but decide if she’s the one for him or not. You don’t want your relationship
to drag on past 1 and ½ years or you’re just wasting your time. If he decides
to let you go, then he didn’t want your relationship in the first place and
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although this may hurt, it would have caused you less heartache in the long
run being with someone who wants to go in the opposite direction.
After having this chat, leave so that you can give him time to think it over.
Give him a few weeks. If you haven’t heard back from him, then begin
serious detachment and get yourself involved in doing something new fast.
You will probably cry your heart out if he doesn’t respond in an expected
time. It’s ok. Feel it and allow it to flow out. You may have to being
detaching. Detachment can only take place when energy is channeled into
something else.
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Chapter 24
Channeling Energy
Everything in life is moved by energy. It is energy that moves things or
keeps it alive. When you are involved in a relationship you are expending a
certain amount of energy in order to participate in it. When you want a
change, you have to use your energy in order to get change. If you are
disappointed or feel disillusioned, it is only when you place your energy in
another direction that you can begin to find relief.
Sometimes individuals expect that a relationship will be successful when it

stays in a certain energy zone. As a matter of fact, this is how relationships
stall and begin to go under. That is why is important that a natural
progression happens in relationships or it will stagnate.
Ever heard of the statement “Keep it real” or “Keep it fresh?” This is true.
Any organism or organization that stays in a holding pattern will eventually
die out.
So in order to have a natural progression, you have to be willing to risk

standing by what you want while desiring the best for your boyfriend. No
ultimatums, no guns to the head, no pressures, and no demands.
Just let the energy flow a deeper commitment to you or break away from
what is stagnating in order to get what you want. This way, you are
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allowing your boyfriend to also find what he wants even if it is not a long-
term commitment with you.
When you have invested the sort of energy in your relationship and you
come to a decision about moving it further and you’re waiting for this to
happen, you need to channel your energy into something else so that you
don’t act out of your lowest self.
Acting out of your lowest self looks like - emotional blackmailing,

emotional landmines, nagging, begging, pleading, manipulating, berating or
a woman who complains to her idiot girlfriends about why her man’s afraid
of commitment.
Anything that resembles having “the talk” in order to make him see that you
need to be together for the long haul is murderous!
You shouldn’t put yourself in your boyfriend’s future unless he wants to

move in that direction. Many women move against the natural order of the
male energy to try to get to wife. The result, they choose the man, but the
man didn’t choose them. Awful! Pitiful! Wrong!
A good way to channel your energy is to move it around. Instead of making

it a goal to want to have a long-term commitment or God forbid “the talk”
move away from your boyfriend while making him aware that you are very
much in love with him and lock your energy into something else. The best
way to do this is to put it into something that you enjoy or something that
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will make a significant difference in the lives of others – much like how I
feel writing this book is a way to channel my energy to help you.
When you stay stagnant you’ll be tempted to nag or beg, then you’ll be the
kind of woman who loses value because you are locking your entire energy
on him and what a waste of energy!
Advice to the smart –don’t go there!
Moving away means moving your energy around and diverting it so that you
can create. Taking your focus off of him is good for your sanity and his
level of interest in you will more than likely increase.
If your man knows you as a “whatever” woman –meaning you’re a walker -

he’ll know that even though you care about him, you’ll “strut your stuff”
away from him anytime and anyway you please. Your boyfriend must know
that even though he can trust you, you’ll trust your “gut” about the things
that matter to you.
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Chapter 25
If he decides to take you by the hand
If your man decided to take you propose, this it’s beautiful. You deserve
this.
Being a wife is an extremely fulfilling yet difficult task. But it’s all the better
if you’re with someone who you’ve formed a bond with that will last a
lifetime. When you’ve found your spiritual lifetime partner, you can build a
great life and face any obstacles.
After getting married here are a few tips:

1. Don’t ever give up your passions and dreams.
2. Don’t go flat and lose your sex appeal. Get your nails done, hair
done, up the sexy even after baby, and please, please keep the sex
coming. Well, sometimes you won’t feel like it but if it’s just a little
headache, get some drugs called a painkiller. You know you’d take a
pill if your girlfriends really needed your help. Do the same for your
man.
3. Be not a nagger or you’ll become scorned.
4. There are no deeper meanings to his opinions. Men usually say what
they think so stop digging.
5. Be thankful everyday for what you’ve got and do not allow disgrace
to flow from your heart. Gratitude will pump life into your
relationships like your heart pumping life into your body.
6. Speak once, and then take action with a smile.
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7. Create a livable, breathable space for your man to come home to
always and make him feel welcome.
8. Practice always greeting him with a soft, seductive kiss.
9. Respect, appreciate and admire him always.
10.Go away on your own at least once a year, twice if he needs to shake
in his boots.
11.Try new activities often as it will create new energy flows into your
relationship. Commit to trying something new at least every six
months.
12.Thou shall not let thyself go. After marriage plenty of women go
downhill.
13.Yes, I am nagging you again…keep yourself looking like a hot
woman!
14.Surprise him often.
15.Be his girlfriend/wife all the time. Be his playmate, his bunny, his
reality check if needs someone to tell him like it is!
16.Don’t get into unhealthy patterns of communicating or it will rot your
marriage out.
17.Keep your sense of humor and laugh, laugh, laugh. Your man should
know you as “laugher.” When women are fun, men love to be around
them. When they are not, they usually get dropped!
18. Your money, his money, and then our money.
19.Make sure you’re always growing in the same direction. This is why
marrying your spiritual partner is critical.
20. Have sex often and more often. If you’re not in your prime, find a
happy pill and emulate the feelings of being ready to go. By the time
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you get in your prime, your man doesn’t have to do a routine first,
you’ll want to have it everyday, anytime, routine or not. “Now baby!”
Having a successful marriage starts from being a successful person. If you

believe that you are abundant, prosperous, and successful, then you will
create that in everything you touch.
You cannot build from what you are not nor create what you do not have
from within. This is why it is important to have a sense of who you are by
being spiritually and emotionally in tune with your inner self.
When you can get there, everything else will flow from this level of
awareness and you will attract and reflect who you are in every sphere of
your life.
I want to hear your personal story of how your boyfriend proposed. Send all
of the juicy details to stories@howtogofromgirlfriendtowife.com and I’ll be
celebrating with you as you take the next steps to build a lasting relationship
with your man. If you have any suggestions or ideas, send them to
stories@howtogofromgirlfriendtowife.com
Thank you for reading my eBook. I am excited for you and we’ll talk soon.
Your friend,
Nicole
Website: www.howtogofromgirlfriendtowife.com
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How To Go From Girlfriend To Wife Ebook NicoleGayle

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How to Go from Girlfriend to Wife EBook

Exude strength, reveal essence, artfully seduce, and live gracefully.

Preface on dating on passion

What Men Really Want

Definitions: Girlfriends that REAL men won’t marry

Chapter 1 Spiritual Chemistry and the awakening of the soul

It is illegal to make copies of this book or change

Copyright © 2008 Nicole Gayle All Rights Reserved Worldwide

I am a deeply passionate woman who wants you to experience true love. My

But I am also concerned about a kind of disconnect between men and

I feel the mystery between the sexes is disappearing…for example, the

Sex! Lots and lots of sex.

And after that, more sex.

Sex, plus other things that's sexual.

O yeah...she should be trustworthy, kind, generous, self-sufficient, secure,

Honey do I look fat? No dear, you look [sigh] great.

It just doesn’t sound right.

Sorry, there are no cure-alls.

My comments actually pulled him towards me because deep on the inside he

The Girlfriend on crack

The Girlfriend who has her man on a leash

The Online Stalker who thinks she a man’s woman

You’re holding onto a fantasy of wanting a relationship from a picture of

The Jealous Girlfriend – aka JG

The Insecure and Needy Girlfriend

Stand By My Man Girlfriend

The Controlling Girlfriend

The Woman’s Lib Girlfriend

In fact, the thought of having children is anti-you because you wouldn’t

You’re saturated yourself in feminist ideals of “not NEEDING a man.” Men

The Girlfriend who becomes his Second Mom

The Girlfriend who’s like “The Decept-i-cons”

The Long-Term Girlfriend

If you’re reading this and you’re thinking, “Huh, profound

And we can have connections with many on different levels…some have a

Force chemistry through the physical and it may elude you.

Not an unhealthy addiction

Chemistry with “The ONE” is not an addiction to someone or a need to have

If a man is emotionally absent, he’ll go through plenty of shallow bump and

Is your boyfriend an emotionally intelligent and stable man or is he a self

Building attraction is all about resistance. Resistance increases the feelings

If you’ve read my definition of the “Woman’s Lib” girlfriend, you know by

There is nothing wrong with wanting independence and financial freedom

I am an extremely sensual woman in my prime and recently made a

I watch a pretty delicious romantic comedy recently. I give it 10 stars

If a man is putting you in hibernation, it is a type of waiting period much

I am not advocating for you to be a domineering wrench, you’ve got to be

Fear Creation Tips

1. Do not be instantly available every time your boyfriend wants to go

If he is already withdrawn, he’s just waiting for something more interesting

Passion Creation Tips

“But he loves me!”

No, I was not kidding about dialing 1-800-My-Little-Trip. I really meant

Article - Why Your Man Hasn’t Married You

I mean another version of you.

Is it because he's better than nothing?

But by then, he should be dumped!

What you could say to your man:

She decided to not allow a man, opinions, or circumstances to define who

P.S. That’s how you should handle a breakup.

What do you want? Do you want a long-term boyfriend or do you want a

Sometimes individuals expect that a relationship will be successful when it