Relationship Between the Immigrant Parent and their American Child 1

The Effects of Retaining Cultural Values on the Emotional Relationship Between the Immigrant

Parent and their American Child

Tianah Nguyen

Global Connections

Global Studies and World Languages Academy

December 8, 2017

Table of Contents
Relationship Between the Immigrant Parent and their American Child 2

Abstract……………………………………………………………………………………………3

Introduction………………………………………………………………………………………..4

Limitations………………………………………………………………………………………...5

Literature Review…………………………………………………………………………………6

Discussion

Immigration and Cultural Assimilation…………………………………………………7

Asian vs. American Family Values……………………………………………………...9

Discipline and Expectations……………………………………………………………13

Emotional Relationship and Mental Health……………………………………………14

Awareness………………………………………………………………………………16

Conclusion……………………………………………………………………………………….17

Appendix A……………………………………………………………………………………....18

Appendix B………………………………………………………………………………………19

References………………………………………………………………………………………..21

Abstract
Relationship Between the Immigrant Parent and their American Child 3

The purpose of this research paper was to analyze the rifts in the emotional relationship

between the Asian immigrant parent and their first generation American child caused by

immigration and cultural assimilation thus leading to the loss of traditional values. The

discussion is divided into five parts. The first part provides information on immigration and

assimilation comprised of mostly statistics. The second part discusses familial values in Asia and

is separated by relative regions, followed by America. After that section comes information

about parental expectations and methods of discipline. This is followed by parts discussing how

these factors impact the emotional relationship between the parents and their children while

slightly emphasising on mental health. A word on the growth aspect of the relationship and

awareness that develops with time concludes the research.

Introduction
Relationship Between the Immigrant Parent and their American Child 4

According to the American Community Survey data collection, roughly 13.5% of the

United States population of 321.4 million are immigrants. Each year the population increases

exponentially by around 2%. Out of those 43 million immigrants, 12.8 million came from

countries all over Asia (Department of Homeland Security, 2013). As a result of the relocation,

families have struggled to assimilate to the American culture around them. These immigrants

would soon start families in their newly founded homes. The children would then grow up

surrounded by the strange culture that their parents almost inevitably had to adapt to.

The concentration of this research focuses on how immigration and attempting to retain

cultural values in an environment so far from the native homeland affects the emotional

relationship between parents and their children. First generation American children have no first

hand knowledge on where they really came from and are only left with mere stories. The parents,

however, are trying so hard to hold on to what they have remaining of the home that they left.

The fact of the matter is that the consanguinity is so strained due to the contrasting structures in

the mutual setting encompassed within this “American Dream.” This leads to a feeling of

disconnect between the parents and their child, as if they cannot openly discuss their feelings the

way they should be able to. Also, the difference in discipline in Asian family settings pave way

to a false perception of parental love and affection for first generation youth. A consequence of

this is the development of mental health issues, a factor that several Asian parents raising

American children seem to neglect (Guo, 2006).”

It is imperative to examine the relationship between these individuals because of the

constantly increasing population of Asian immigrants in the United States. As stated by the Pew

Research Center (2015), it has been projected that in the year 2065 over 81 million Americans

will have been born from immigrant parents. The new generations have had to deal with the
Relationship Between the Immigrant Parent and their American Child 5

same kind of stress from lack of communication due to language barriers and different attitudes

towards topics that are normalized in America. The frequency of these patterns tend to exist

mostly in adolescence to young adulthood and transform into strong bonds and awareness in

adulthood.

Limitations

The research being conducted on this broad topic is constricted by these limiting factors.

A large aspect affecting any culturally centered research is region. The sources being utilized

throughout this process are concentrated within the Tidewater region of Virginia. The Asian

Americans inhabiting this area may live or behave differently than the generations living on the

West Coast, for example. The majority of this research will be conducted as interviews with

local first generation Asian immigrants and their second generation children. Such research is

limited by lack of time and funding for travel to these other regions.

The original research was intended for all immigrants from everywhere living in

America. It would have been hard to condense such a cluster since there is such a large number

of immigrants in the world. The research excludes immigrants from South America, Europe, and

Africa.

Another factor that limits research is author’s bias. The conductor of this research is a

first generation Asian American. Narrowing the large number of immigrants in America to this

smaller sample size allows for more accurate research on the group as opposed to scattered

information on every country emigrated from.

Literature Review

The majority of sources were found through the Gale publisher databases under the

subcategory of Global Issues in Context (Koh, Zhou, Bankston). One large benefit of utilizing
Relationship Between the Immigrant Parent and their American Child 6

this engine to find sources was the variety of the documents themselves. It provided a large

collection of articles, newsletters, essays, and more to choose from. At the beginning, it was

rather difficult for the author to research such a specific topic until it was broken down into

different parts. Excerpts from the International Encyclopedia of Social Sciences, obtained

through Gale, provided a substantial amount of information in regards to family values and

cultural assimilation. These subjects make up the bulk of the project itself, as the topic is about

how cultural assimilation as a result of immigration causes the shift in family values in America.

The original subjects were going to be immigrants from each continental region of the

world but while initial research was being conducted, it proved to be rather difficult to obtain a

bulk of information for so many places. It was determined that the research be narrowed down to

countries in Asia. Most of the sources were centered around countries of East and Southeast

Asia, but some information on West Asian/Middle Eastern was found through PBS. Although it

is easier to conduct research on the countries that present themselves more frequently, there

needs to be an equal balance. It is important for the research to encompass the cultural aspects of

all regions of the Asian continent.

The Department of Homeland Security along with sources from Zong and Batalova

provide information on immigration statistics. This is an important contribution to the research

because this topic deals a lot with immigration and the affect it has on retaining cultural values.

The statistics provide insight on just how much of the world population is subjected to these

changes.

The country profiles from the British Broadcasting Corporation provided a bounty of

information on each country’s cultural aspects as well as statistics regarding population and
Relationship Between the Immigrant Parent and their American Child 7

religion. The knowledge obtained from these sources were compiled in the subsection of the

paper that discusses family values in Asia versus in America.

Discussion

Immigration and Cultural Assimilation

This international phenomenon occurs when a group of people move from their country

of residence into another in hopes to gain citizenship and establish a new life. There are push

factors that cause those to leave their area and pull factors which draw them into a new place.

Some push factors include lack of services and safety, high crime, crop failure, war, and poverty

while pull factors consist of better climate, job opportunities, political stability, and lower risk of

natural disasters (BBC, 2014). In 2013, as stated by the Migration Policy Institute, 64.2% of

immigrants were between the ages 15-64. While this range may be large, statistics state that the

median age amongst those is 36 years old. The chart of Asian Immigrants in the United States

shows a list of Asian countries by region and the number of immigrants from there along with

the percentage (see Appendix A). The largest cluster of immigrants are from Southeast Asia, a

region with a largely concentrated lower income/impoverished population.

As a result of this dramatic inflow of low-skill immigrants, not exclusive to Asia,

● “One-third of all immigrants live in families in which the head of the household lacks a

high school education; and

● First-generation immigrants and their families, who are one-sixth of the U.S. population,

comprise one-fourth of all poor persons in the U.S.

● One out of six poor children in the U.S. is the offspring of first-generation immigrant

parents who lack a high school diploma (Rector, 2006).”

When immigrants reach their final destination, they are instantaneously faced with a challenging

task of adapting to the new world around them while retaining their existing integrity.
Relationship Between the Immigrant Parent and their American Child 8

Assimilation is the process by which individuals or groups adopt, either voluntarily or

forcedly, the language and cultural norms and values of another group (International

Encyclopedia of Social Sciences, 2008). In this case, the Asian immigrants adopt the norms of

American culture after they have relocated. These groups assimilate by forming enclave groups

all across the country. Some prime examples of these Asian ethnic villages include Chinatown,

Little Saigon, Koreatown, and Little Tokyo (Le, 2017). These realms consist of small businesses

that are run by families. The profits that are created help to sustain the inhabitants of such areas

that attract an abundant amount of tourists.

Another way that immigrants assimilate to their new surroundings is going through the

process of English as a Second Language (ESL) Classes. If they are searching for an education

and furthermore a stable career, this is required. English is used as the lingua franca across

nations where it is not the national language. Also, first generation children who were raised in a

household without English being their first language are placed in English Language Learner

(ELL) classes as they start primary school. “The percentage of public school students in the

United States who were ELLs was higher in school year 2014–15 (9.4 percent, or an estimated

4.6 million students) than in 2004–05 (9.1 percent, or an estimated 4.3 million students) and

2013–14 (9.3 percent, or an estimated 4.5 million students (National Center for Education

Statistics, 2017).”

Throughout the process of assimilation, the next of kin are more accustomed to the

American culture around them. Although immigration requires the first generation Asians to

readjust to the new mise en scene, they still keep their age old values alive.

Asian vs. American Family Values

Relationship Between the Immigrant Parent and their American Child 9

Family values are different across every household in the world. Most of the time,

however, there proves to be several universal aspects. To organize this research, the information

will be broken down by regions of Asia being followed by America.

West Asia/Middle East. This region is constantly a hot topic in American media and is

subjected to several stereotypes formed by people who have never visited the area. One large

factor influencing the familial values is religion. Being the birthplace of monotheistic religion

(Public Broadcasting Service, 2002), that has a huge impact on everyday structure. According to

this source, traditional Arab households contain much extended family including in laws and

generations of cousins, however migration has separated many of these groups. They follow the

Shari’a Law, which is the Islamic way of life. Its establishment was based on the Qu’ran and is a

moral system that is second nature to most Arab families. Such rules consist of Muslim men only

marrying Muslim women, or having non-Muslims convert at the time of marriage. Husbands

also have rights of polygamy while women are meant to stay obedient (Encyclopedia

Britannica). Generations so on, no matter the location, are subjected to the same standards.

North/Central Asia. This unknown region of Asia is commonly mistaken for part of

Eastern Europe due to the fact that the countries of Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan,

Tajikistan, and Turkmenistan were former Soviet Republics. This region is known for its

mountainous landscape and myriad of nomadic ethnic groups. Islam is the most common religion

followed by Christianity, according to the British Broadcasting Corporation Country Profiles,

with the exception of Buddhism in Mongolia. The women in these societies are in charge of

performing household chores while the men are out and about finding other wives (Cagatay,

1995). While women are subordinate to men, they are still very important for the family to

function. Central Asian families are larger and consist of 4-6 children while rural Mongolian
Relationship Between the Immigrant Parent and their American Child 10

families are smaller (Hays, 2014). As far as immigration is concerned, more of these ethnic

groups, Tajiks, for example, tend to move towards Russia rather than the United States (Erlich,

2006), however several do end up in the U.S. An Uzbek girl named Munisa Habibova tells the

story of her family living in New York. In an article written by Neil Gluckman (2013), she states

that her family lives in a very small apartment much like the other immigrant families from

Uzbekistan. At home she is expected to clean the house until her parents get home since she is

the oldest out of 4 siblings. Also, she states that the marriage culture of Uzbekistan shall be

carried out even in America. Habibova hopes that her parents wait until she is 25 to match her

with a husband instead of the usual 18, as she feels it is much too soon.

This just goes to show that even though several traditions are relinquished as a result of

immigration, the core values such as family and marriage will always remain the same.

South Asia. South Asian culture is defined by large domestic family units that consist of

grandparents, aunts, uncles, and in laws (Sulekha, 2013). Traditionally, much like other regions

of Asia, the men are considered more honorable. Women are more than likely to be shamed for

their negative actions than men and stay in the house. In America, both of the partners are

working to support the family. One important issue in the South Asian families is the lack of

discussion on mental health. Priya-Alika Ellis (2015) writes that in Indian culture, physical pains

are given more attention to than emotional issues.

“These were for small pains: cutting your big toe open while playing cricket with

the boys, or bruising your knee when you decided to climb the guava tree in the

garden. If you had a headache, Mama gave you cough syrup and checked your

temperature. If your temperature was above a hundred degrees, you got to stay

home from school. If you had a bigger pain, if the bigger pain didn’t go away, you
Relationship Between the Immigrant Parent and their American Child 11

went to the doctor. Big or little, it was always physical. What other kind of pain

could there be? For years, I didn’t know.”

East/Southeast Asia. Asians in general value family over everything. Extended families

are extremely common, although immigration to places such as Britain and the United States

makes it challenging to adhere to these formalities (The Independent, 2000). Most of the time,

the elders stay in the household with the rest of the family so they are always treated with the

utmost respect. In Confucian philosophy, this concept is referred to as xiao, or filial piety, and is

the most fundamental in all values (Chan, 1963). With this comes children being obligated to

stay home and care for their grandparents while their mothers and fathers are out working. This

is true in the U.S., as well, solely due to the language barrier that would prove to be a challenge

if the elder family members were put in a nursing home. Im Ja Choi (2014) , a Korean-American

woman working for the Penn Asian Senior Services, states in an interview with the New York

Times in regards to her mother’s diagnosis with stomach cancer:

“When she was sick, I could not just abandon her at a nursing home. That’s not in

my culture, either. That’s the agony of Asian-Americans. They have to work, and

their children go to school and their parents remain at home by themselves. They

put them in a senior housing complex, and there they are alone.”

America. Since the United States is the melting pot of culture, this “American Dream”

has branched out way further than it originally was. Each household has a different set of values

but when considering the population of non immigrants there seems to be a set of universal

ideals. For example, the idea of patriotism is very frequent in the families across the nation. The

children of non immigrant parents tend to enlist in the military serve their country after they

graduate from high school. According to an older Rand Organization Study, in 1992 only 32% of
Relationship Between the Immigrant Parent and their American Child 12

the U.S. Army was made up of older recruits while the other 68% were within a younger age

range, not exclusive to those who had just graduated from high school. Themes of patriotism and

homeland loyalty are only one factor of this culture. It is proven that the “private behavior can

never conform fully to idealized social norms, an influential current of opinion today, especially

within elite culture, views any set of unambiguous norms with suspicion, fearing them to be

oppressive and overly judgmental (Blakenhorn, 1988).” Blakenhorn’s statement to the Roanoke

Times conveys that there is no way for any single person to adhere to culture norms because

everybody is so different.

The cultural values within these Asian regions may differ from the perspectives in the American

environment, but they correspond to each other in the way that they cause several

misconceptions in children when they are raised.

Discipline and Expectations

An existing pattern in Asian society is that in order to assure that a child grows up to be a

good person who makes the right choices, they needed to be brought up with force. In Asia, it is

extremely common, not to mention culturally acceptable, to scold and beat their children

whenever their behavior proves to be disruptive. This way it reinforces the association of bad

behavior with pain (Cummins, 2014) The author conducted an interview with a subject by the

name of Phuong Uyen Nguyen, an international student who was born and raised in Vietnam

(see Appendix B). She is working on her Master’s Degree in Business Management at the

National University in San Diego. Nguyen states that when she was younger her father would

slap her across the face and yell at her until she fixed her behavior. She explained that this was
Relationship Between the Immigrant Parent and their American Child 13

more common when she was younger and approaching adolescence. While she was in high

school, she said that her parents mainly just scolded her rather than physically reprimanding her.

Much of the discipline comes as a response to the child’s performance in school. The

caricature of the stereotypical Asian parent who expects their son or daughter to excel

academically has been analyzed in a scholarly essay written in 2006 by Phillip Guo, a graduate

student of UC San Diego. Guo states that the reason parents put this kind of pressure on their

children is so that they can get into a good college. While that may be the case on the surface,

underneath it all, it is due to fact that the parents sacrificed so much for this new life. “They feel

that going to a top-ranked college is the most surefire way to land a stable high-paying job and to

eventually lead a financially secure future. First-generation immigrant parents sacrificed

personally and financially to move to America, so they do not want their children to also suffer

financially when they are adults (Guo, 2006).” While this is the main concern on the first

generation immigrant’s mind, they tend to neglect the most important factor in their child’s life;

their mental health and well being.

Emotional Relationship and Mental Health

The bond between a parent and their child is one that should never be broken. Although it

is hard to maintain a good relationship due to the fact that the cultural values from the home that

these immigrants have left must acclimate to the new surroundings. Education and success for

their child are factors that get in the way when it comes to the Asian immigrant parents, since

they left their lives behind and moved into a new land with little financial support (Guo, 2006).

Aside from that, another important concept is the existing language barrier. As explained by Har

(1998), the parents are often unable to explain the way they treat their children due to the fact

that American school systems cause a loss of the native tongue as they become more subjected to
Relationship Between the Immigrant Parent and their American Child 14

the use of the English. “A brief exchange about the weather or what's for dinner isn't a problem.

But shift the topic to something a little more complicated and the conversation can spin out into

an exhausting lesson in patience as both sides struggle for the right words that will bring mutual

comprehension. This thorny linguistic situation causes the most tension for adolescents who are

managing a host of other awkward emotions and situations (Har, 1998).” In Asian culture, the

men in the family generally have more freedom than the women. Two Vietnamese sisters

interviewed by Har (1998) state that it angers them when their brothers are allowed to go out and

see their friends. They also state that they wish they could talk about it with their parents,

however the barrier makes things difficult. Although this is an issue, the limiting factors of

communication extend to way beyond language alone.

According to an article published in the South China Morning Post (2011), topics such as

sexuality and depression are not discussed in Asian households. In countries such as Uzbekistan,

Iran, Syria, and Singapore it is illegal to have conduct homosexual activities (Carroll, 2016).

While in many countries it is legal, there are no such laws to prohibit discrimination to those who

are openly homosexual. Not being able to be open about sexuality is a huge factor leading to

mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. Research done by the American

Psychological Association (2006) shows that Asian Americans are least likely to seek help for

their mental issues. The limited access and discussion of these topics in the home countries make

the parents unable handle the situation that the changing dynamics have left their child with

(Meyers, 2006).” This creates a sense of disconnect, as if the child cannot voice their issues to

their parents in the way they should be able to. Along with the feelings of isolation and the

pressure brought upon them, the children of these immigrants develop a false perception of

parental love.
Relationship Between the Immigrant Parent and their American Child 15

Amy Chua, a Chinese-American author, lawyer, and mother of 2 daughters states the

following in her scholarly essay Why Chinese Mothers are Superior (2011):

“Chinese parents demand perfect grades because they believe that their child can get

them. If their child doesn't get them, the Chinese parent assumes it's because the child

didn't work hard enough. That's why the solution to substandard performance is always to

excoriate, punish and shame the child. The Chinese parent believes that their child will be

strong enough to take the shaming and to improve from it.”

This displays the purpose for punishing the children. Due to the contrasting surroundings in the

American environment, it is difficult for the first generation born to handle the negative

reinforcement. This is shown to be true in the home countries, as well. Referring back to the

personal interview the author conducted with Nguyen (Appendix B), it was discovered that

Nguyen also felt a false sense of parental love. She thought that her parents did not love her and

because of that she felt angry at them. She then realized that everything they did was so that she

could succeed in life and turn out well.

Awareness

Although Nguyen’s relationship with her parents started with them hitting her as a young

child, scolding her in high school, and leaving her confused on whether they truly loved her or

not, the 22 year old reflects on her life and realizes that everything that happened was for good

reason. When asked what she would tell her younger self anything about how her parent treated

her she responded with, “I would tell myself that I should always think that they are doing the

best for me, not trying to make me feel bad about myself or anything (Nguyen, 2017).” As these

first generation children grow up and develop families of their own in America, they realize how

important it is to cherish the relationship they have with their next of kin.
Relationship Between the Immigrant Parent and their American Child 16

Conclusion

Immigration and cultural assimilation of Asian populations cause difficulties to hold onto

old world values, thus causing a strained relationship between first generation immigrants and

their American children. The new era of hope and prosperity in the United States means

absolutely nothing when there is no happiness and well being. The fact of the matter is that the

shift in location requires for the families to let go of the values that they had in the past to adapt

to an unknown life. The differences in discipline and vocality on controversial topics create a

barrier that leads to a sense of isolation and disconnect. Although this would be the case, the

phase passes the more the child grows up. In adolescence, it is quite hard to understand why

parents do what they do. As time goes by, the American child will soon realize that everything

their parents do is so that the child can have a better life in the land of opportunity.
Relationship Between the Immigrant Parent and their American Child 17

Appendix A
Relationship Between the Immigrant Parent and their American Child 18

Asian Immigrants in the United States. (2017, March 02). Retrieved December 08, 2017,

from https://www.migrationpolicy.org/article/asian-immigrants-united-states

Appendix B

Personal Interview
Relationship Between the Immigrant Parent and their American Child 19

Subject: Phuong Uyen Nguyen

Location: Virginia Beach, Virginia

Date: November 23, 2017

-How did your parents discipline you when you were misbehaving?

“When I was younger, around elementary school, my dad would slap me in the face if I did

something he didn’t like. But after that he’d just yell at me and then after that he would tell me

that it’s not right. Yeah…that’s it. Now, like, he doesn’t really care much about what I do.”

-At any point in your life did you ever think that your parents didn’t love you?

“Yes.”

-Like, how old were you, at what point in your life was it?

“Maybe in high school, like, my dad would always complain about how I do my hair, the way I

dressed. It was so often that I thought that maybe he didn’t love me.”

-And how did you react to that? How did it make you feel?

“I was angry, but after that they explained it to me and I understood.”

-How has your relationship with your parents changed from when you were younger until now?

“When I was younger, sometimes they made me think that I was not good enough, like they

would always complain, always yell at me and stuff. But when I get older they kind of bring out

the good in me, like, they showed me what I am good at and tell me what about me that I should

be proud of so the relationship now is a lot better. We are a lot closer now.”

-How does your family feel, or people in Vietnam in general, feel about mental health,

depression, and anxiety?

“I don’t think they take it as seriously as the people in the western countries because it is not as

common in Vietnam for young people to have mental problems.

Relationship Between the Immigrant Parent and their American Child 20

-But when they do have it, do they see like, a psychologist over there or do they just keep it

within them?

“Vietnamese people are very religious so sometimes they think it has something to do with their,

like, religion. Maybe they think they are doing something wrong with their religion, but not

really thinking about the medical side of it.”

-What do you, personally, think the parent and child relationship is like in the western world?

Like, how do you think parents and children interact?

“I think, maybe, parents and children in the U.S., they are not as close as like in Vietnam because

the life there is so busy so people don’t have much time to talk, not enough time to interact with

each other.”

-One last question. If you could tell your younger self anything about your parents, like looking

back at it, what would you say?

“I’d tell myself that I should always think that they are doing the best for me and not make me

feel bad about myself or anything. Yeah, just always believe that they are always trying to do the

best for me.”

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