Dear Future Child,

I’m writing to you today to tell you what is going on in my head at the moment. I want the best

for you, and I want you to make the right choices for you. Maybe that will come out of me sharing my

experiences with you. We’ll find out in a few years.

At this time in my life, I’m nearing the end of my first year as a Master’s student in Student

Affairs & Higher Education in Miami University. My experiences here left a bitter taste in my mouth, and

there have been too many times I’ve decided to spontaneously drive back home to New York and never

come back. Too many tears slid down my cheeks. Despite my woes, I’m coming back to get my degree.

I’m the first in my family to both be born & raised a U.S. Citizen and to get a college degree. As proud

and honored I am to hold the title of a first generation college student, I also am relieved and thankful that

you don’t have to. I’m glad that you have two parents who can provide for you. I didn’t have that growing

up. I relied on working lousy part-time jobs to even afford a bagel with cream cheese as an after school

snack. Fun fact - NY has the best bagels, and the best bagels with cream cheese. For a long time, I didn’t

own make up because I couldn't afford it. Now, I can, so I do, & I own a lot of it, & the good kind, too.

Part of why I wanted to leave was because my marginalized identities were being attacked so

often that I wondered why I was letting myself get beat down. I grew up in Astoria, where I saw so many

people that looked like me. I thought diversity was normal. I thought it was normal to have Muslims

dispersed everywhere. I knew Islamophobia was a thing, but I didn’t think people were actually afraid of

Muslims. People were actually afraid of me and my family merely because of who we worship and how

we worship. Society didn’t want the whole story. Society condemned us and misguided people through

media and atrocious acts. When a Muslim achieved or did a good-hearted act, that was not nearly

publicized as much as when a proclaimed Muslim hurt someone. I use “proclaimed” because anyone

Muslim who kills a human in the name of God is not a true Muslim. Islam promotes peace, and death can

only cause pain. People perceive Muslim women as submissive, Muslim men as aggressive, all of us as
incapable of being competent and rational, and all of us as a threat1. But we are not threats. You are not a

threat. You are brave, strong, and an agent of change. Commented [1]: Thank you for sharing so honestly
here, Jenn.
I have never changed my last name and I never intend to. I legally changed my first name a few

years ago, to be officially called what I had been informally called, but changing my last name was never

a thought that even knocked on the door to my mind. Though your father and I chose your name with

great thought, it is ultimately up to you. It is up to you on whether or not you want to hold my last name

as well. It is up to you on whether or not you want to practice this faith. If you don’t, it should be for the

right reasons. Not because you are afraid of the glances and slurs, among other things, that society throws

your way, but instead because you connect with the faith and its values. I have fought too much for you Commented [2]: Yes, to this!

before you were even a thought to be conceived, let alone the living & breathing person you are when

reading this letter. If you do choose to be a Muslim, you should do it for the right reasons. Not because

you think this is a great way to fight for Muslim rights and practice resiliency, but rather because you

connect with it. Are you noticing a theme? Follow your heart. It can be tiring to constantly explain

yourself and your ways, to listen to the horrendous words that ignorant people associate you with. To me,

one of the most irritating acts I face every day is whether or not I’ll find something that I am able to eat in

a dining hall. But you’ll find a community, and you’ll find ways to resist the system, and you’ll always

have me to support you along the way.

I’ve made Islam my own. I know that my intention is what matters most. Your Dhadha and

Dhadhi think that it is necessary for me to cover myself head-to-toe and wear the hijab. I disagree. What

is the purpose of covering myself? Some say that it is to deter the male gaze. Well, they can control

themselves. And what about the woman gaze? Or the non binary gaze? What if I attract all of the gazes?!

Some say covering oneself promotes modesty and keeping yourself more focused on the pathway to God.

Well, I can still be on the pathway if I don’t cover myself. That’s another thing - Islam is so subjective.

There are a few things that are not negotiable - ie, don’t kill people. But other “rules” are not really rules.

For instance, I don’t need to cover myself to be considered a Muslim. I love my hair & I love my body,

1
Ali, 2013
and I will style as I please. I don’t identify as a Muslim; I identify as a Modern Muslim. There’s a

difference! I believe that love is love, regardless of sex or gender. I believe that abortions are okay,

depending on circumstances. I believe that I should be able to not cover myself and still be a good human

being. I believe in a lot of controversial ideals in relation to traditional Islam. I didn’t do any research on

the term “Modern Muslim” until after I started calling myself by it. I knew I couldn’t be the only one who

felt this way and thought this way. I knew there had to be a name for all of us who were both Muslim and

liberal. I knew they shouldn’t be separate entities. And I was right. I came upon the term & was ecstatic

that I thought of something that happened to be an actual thing before researching about it. Commented [3]: I appreciate your thoughts in this
paragraph; they prompt thinking!
Another extremely taboo act in Islam is getting a tattoo. In my last semester of undergrad, I got

my first tattoo. It was the infinity sign with the word “hope” intertwined in the loop on one side and

Allah’s name in Arabic inside of the other loop. Tattoos are taboo because they puncture the skin and

body that Allah gave for you to keep pristine. My argument against that is that I know too many Muslims

and people who have piercings in various parts of their bodies. Another reason people like to say that

tattoos are forbidden is because they say that there is a permanent barrier to the skin and water cannot

seep in when cleaning the body before prayer, so the body is never completely clean. My argument

against that is that that is not how science works; water doesn’t get in the skin unless there’s an opening.

A lot of these rules are so outdated, which is why I’m a Modern Muslim. I got my tattoo because if

anyone were to question my devotion to Allah based on my interpretation of Islam, I’ll know that they are

not truly a Muslim, or good human, because a Muslim wouldn’t judge another on how they choose to

practice the faith. Also, I have Allah’s name on my body - how can one argue against that?

If you choose not to follow the faith, that is okay and I will still love you. A lot of Islam is about

intent. I may not agree with that concept for all situations, but for many. It truly is the thought that counts.

I know your heart is always in a good place, and I want to do all I can to keep it that way, even if it means

you are not a Muslim.

For the future, find a person who will respect and support your decisions like your father respects

and supports mine. I consistently find a new reason to love your father. Ze would rarely eat pork when we
would share a meal together, knowing how sinful it is in our culture. If ze did eat any variation of pork, ze

would use Listerine to wash away the subtle signs of Christian dominance before kissing me with

celebration, appreciation, and love. Ze also celebrates every holiday with me. Little Oxford, Ohio is a

very white and a very Christian town. I had been striving for a community to celebrate my holidays with

me. I used to think that holidays were kind of boring because we didn’t have too many family who also

immigrated to NYC. Holidays back home were usually Tanim, Tammanna, Konika, and Mahbuba

visiting for a little, if they had the time to spare, and a lot of food from everyone. If I gave my salaam to

my parents and older siblings and cousins, I got money. I always gave my salaam, more so for the money

than the respect and appreciation concept. My first Eid here was so lonely. No one here knew what Eid

was. No one here texted me a Happy Eid or Eid Mubarak to me. Fortunately, some friends from back

home did and my family certainly did. I didn’t appreciate what I had back home during those boring

holidays until I got to a holiday that I didn’t have anyone by my side to even acknowledge the day.

Fortunately, I found out a Muslim friend of mine from NYC was visiting Columbus for work purposes. I

drove two hours to visit her and somewhat celebrate for a few hours. We ate an amazing brunch and

bought make-up - what an amazing day! It wasn’t directly on Eid, and I didn’t have my closest and

dearest people with me, but I had someone on some day next to my holiday, which is more than I had the

day of, so I was very thankful. Now, I have your father, who will never let me stay unhappy for too long.

Your Dhadha and Dhadhi don't support our relationship but that's okay. They don't support a lot

of my thoughts and doings. I’m fortunate to have been born and raised as a US citizen in one of the most

lavish cities in the world - New York City. To this day, your grandparents don’t know that Abba is mahu.

They think ze is male, and use masculine pronouns. They don’t understand that gender is a spectrum.

They don’t understand the difference between gender and sex. They don’t understand that love is love,

and labels are arbitrary and unnecessary. To them, gender and sex are one and the same, and there are

only two boxes available for people to pop out of. I have the privilege of being my authentic self, at least

with my gender identity and expression, around anyone, while Abba has to pick and choose where ze can

do so. It pains me when I have to pick and choose what pronouns to use when referring to zir in the
presence of someone who may not be accepting. I fear someone mistreating my love because ze is

incapable of checking off the appropriate box on the census or any application form. I know living as a

mahu is so much harder for Abba, but I cannot help but always think about how to protect zir. I know ze

is perfectly capable of handling situations zirself, but I don’t care. I love zir and will do as it takes to keep

zir safe and happy. Same goes for you, little one.

I tell you the truth because I love you. I’m tough on you because I love you. I’m sharing my

experiences with you because I want you to learn from them as I have and I want you to make whatever

decision is best for you. All because I love you. Don’t dare question my love. Your Dhadha, Dhadhi, and

Khala do that, and I can’t stand it. It upsets me when the people I love the most and do everything for

cannot see the sacrifices I make for their happiness and success. Thank you. Commented [4]: Jenn--this letter captures so many of
your values in a clear, accessible way. I appreciate the
Love & Sparkles, care with which you wrote it and how it exemplifies who
you are.
Amma Stephen

Section Comments Points

Depth of personal reflection You provided depth in how you 4/4

reflected throughout your letter.

Specific examples of the The examples you used to illustrate 6/6

connections to privilege, power, and privilege, power, and oppression
oppression worked well.

Creativity The creativity was apparent in your 2/2

letter.

Writing, grammar, flow, and APA Writing was clear and understandable. 3/3
(as necessary)

Total 15/15
 Works Cited

Ali, A. I. (2013). A threat enfleshed: Muslim college students situate their identities amidst

portrayals of Muslim violence and terror. International Journal of Qualitative Studies in Education,

27(10), 1243–1261. http://doi.org/10.1080/09518398.2013.820860