LORD OF

THE RINKS
BY SIR HJC
 Chapter 1 - The More the Merrier

Eamonn, Paul, and Harry sat around the fire smoking a Kentish blunt. Harry took two
puffs, and Paul three, but Eamonn the wizard smoked the most. By the time the blunt
could be passed around, he had smoked it all. Paul became angry and withdrew his
sword, “Why have ye smoken mine share of joint?”
“I made it, rolled it and grew the Kentish leaves! I deserve the most, you infantile!”
Eamonn answered. Paul put his sword back in his sheath and sat down. All the while
Harry sharpened his golden axe upon his metal hat and sang tunes to ward off the bite of
the cold night.

The fire was soon going out and it was becoming increasingly cold. The Grieve monsters
howled in the dark night, hungry for food. Afraid of being eaten, Paul recommended they
skedaddle, but just as they got up a shadowy figure came out of the mist. It was
Raymond! An old friend from Bots Town, maybe he could help us escape this wretched
red desert.
Harry greeted him, “Hi hoe Sir Raymond! Why doust thou travel upon such a place?”
“I became worried when you men had left me. That and thy town had been burnt down to
a crisp. Ye men were lucky ye had escaped. The evil witch raided the town looking for ye,
but especially for me. Luckily I’m a robot, nothing could kill me.”

Harry had nearly forgotten that old Raymond was a robot. He was created by Eamonn in
his laboratory to do his mindless chores. Nonetheless Raymond was practically still
human, for you see his shiny metal body was infused with the soul of a dead Oarlock
child.

Those Oarlocks and their crazy man rituals, over the years they have killed over 1 million
children, testing their ability to fly. Anyone if anybody knows that only a master Yogi can
fly. But yet they ignore it. In spite of this annual tragedy, good has come out of it…
Raymond the robot.

Anyhow, Raymond continued to explain what happened, “The queen continues to look
for ye men. I recommend we flee to the next town of Spinoza. I hear they have the best
Szechwan dishes.”
Paul interrupted, “We can’t go there and bear the risk of getting another town being burnt
down. We will just have to return this pendant which she wants.”
“No way!” said Eamonn, “Don’t you know what power this piece of doo holds? Inside it
is a mini universe. What is so special about it you say?! If thy evil queen unlocks it she
will destroy this planet! Though she will become immortal and have god like powers…
But we can’t let the evil queen get to it or we may end the lives of millions on this measly
planet Cyanooda.”
All the men, and the robot, got up and gave a high five. They would not let the stupid
queen get her hands on the stupid pendant. Eamonn, Paul, Harry and Raymond got up
and continued to walk through the desert. Although the men were originally lost,
Raymond the robot had a map built into him and he led them to a small village called
Catsky.

Upon entering the village all the men could smell a distinct odor. It smelt like the urine of
the furry beast Catsko. Harry was beginning to get afraid, for the Catsko were notorious
for eating dwarves, especially oriental dwarves. The dwarf heard a howl and immediately
peed in his pants. The wizard looked at Harry and rolled his eyes. He took out magic
herbs and sprinkled them over Harry, and in a jiffy he was dry. Paul continued into the
village at a hurried pace and led everybody into a small hut.

“Why are we here?” asked the Robot.

“To take a nap, I’m tired.” Paul replied.
But a hut so small, how could it provide temporary residence for all four? Eamonn took
his staff and bonked the hotel clerk over the head. When he was knocked out Harry threw
him outside and everyone took a nap. It was still cramped but better than having five
inside.

Soon after, the morning came and all the men woke up. To their dismay, the men were not
in the hut. They were bound and gagged in a small dank cave. The hotel clerk took it
upon himself to make the men pay for what they did. Harry pleaded with him not to kill
them.
The clerk laughed, “I’m not going to kill you! I just want to make you suffer! Ha! Ha!
Ha!”
Paul drew his dagger from his back and cut the ropes. Once he freed himself he ran away.
“Where the hell are you going?!” cried Eamonn.
The clerk took out a fire pistol and began burning away at Harry’s hair.
“Stop… why are you being so cruel?” Harry asked.
The clerk looked blank for a moment. He withdrew his fire pistol and proceeded to take
out a 100 bilobond sword. Fortunately for Harry, the clerk could only lift 50 bilobonds.

It was a funny site watching the clerk try to life up this 100 bilobond sword. What a
weakling…and what a pervert. He had a huge stack of Juggy Jug magazines in the corner
of the cave. While Harry was staring at the magazines, and while Eamonn was sleeping,
Raymond had an idea. Maybe if he befriended this clerk they would let him go.
“What’s your name sir clerk?” asked the robot.
The clerk promptly replied “My name’s Wesley and how about you good sir?”
“I sir am Raymond the Robot. Oh and the other two are my friends, Harry the dwarf and
Eamonn the wizard.” Said Raymond, “Why don’t you let us go?” he suggested.
Wesley thought about it for a while but was too angry to think straight, so while he was
scratching his head a wooden mallet bonked him over his head. It knocked him out cold.
It was Paul! Hurray, he had returned. All the men were happy to see him. Quickly Paul
drew out his sword and cut everyone loose.
“What took you so long?” Harry asked.
Paul’s face grew flush and he admitted that he got lost, “It’s so damn dark in here. I
couldn’t find my way around. Also I was looking to rob this midget of all his
possessions”

Before anybody could leave, Wesley awoke from his deep slumber, “What the hell is
wrong with you guys?! Stop hitting me on the head!”
They didn’t know what to say, so they were on their way. Just before they could leave,
Wesley stopped them, “Wait guys, I’m so lonely. Please let me join you on your journey.”
Eamonn said no. Paul said no. Raymond said no. But Harry couldn’t refuse; he had
gotten to like this midget. When Wesley heard this, he clicked his heels together and
followed everyone.
Wesley took the men around Catsky and introduced them to everyone, saying each time
“These are my new friends!”
No one really cared that Wesley was so ecstatic, but he was so damn slow. His little legs
could barely carry him, so Eamonn took out his staff and cast a spell upon Wesley and
made him into an elf. Then again it was too cliché, so the wizard just turned him into a
medium sized man.

And with that the men continued through the town. As they did, Wesley recommended
they go to a restaurant…his treat. The men were surprised at his generosity. They all sat
down and let Wesley order food for them, he recommended the Land Shark Soup. It
didn’t matter what the food was though, the men were so famished they could eat
anything…anything!

Raymond sipped his soup but then stopped abruptly. There was a hair in his soup! It was
a Catsko hair. Yuck! The robot banged his fist on the table and demanded another bowl of
soup. Wesley warned Raymond not to say anything more because the Chef was very
sensitive. But it was too late. The chef heard everything and he came out wielding a
butcher’s knife. The chef proceeded to attack Raymond.
Raymond took out his whip and whipped it around the chef’s neck, “Back away sir or I
shall break ye neck!”
The whip began to tighten around the chef’s neck and his face began to change color.
“Stop you’re killing him!” cried a lady.
Raymond continued to yank the whip and made the chef continued to gag and gasp for
air. Then he clicked a button and sent an electrical shock through the chef’s body. After
being satisfied with his whipping, Raymond took the whip off the chef’s neck.

He was still alive, but the men were asked to politely leave the restaurant.
When they refused, the lady who said “Stop you’re killing him!” went berserk on them.
“That was my boyfriend!” she cried out as she simultaneously drew out a poke sword.

Furiously she poked at the men and caused them to bleed all over ever so slowly. Being
an expert swordsman, Paul could not stand this debauchery so he took out his sword and
cut the lady’s top off, thoroughly embarrassing her. All the people in the bar laughed and
the sketch artists had a field day. The poor young lady clasped her breasts and proceeded
to go away, but Paul felt bad.
After wiping his sword he went after her, “Wait!” he said.

She ran faster and faster, but Paul continued to chase after her. When he finally caught up
to this lady, he thoroughly apologized for his behavior and the behavior of his friends.
Reluctantly the lady accepted Paul’s apology.
Paul asked her what her name was, shyly she said “Fatima…”
Then out of nowhere she jumped Paul’s bones and started making love to him. It was so
loud that everyone in the restaurant could hear it.
Just then it hit Paul, “What about your boyfriend, Fatima?!” Fatima replied bluntly “He
was selfish in bed…”
The left brow of Paul rose up and he slowly backed away.

He went back to his men and told them it was time they left.
Fatima went after Paul, “Wait! Don’t leave! Let me come along with you!”
Eamonn scratched his head and questioned the integrity of this new found female. Harry
and Raymond were fine with it, but Paul wasn’t sure. What if she tried to jump his bones
again? Nah… Paul proposed he test Fatima and challenge her to a duel.

“Choose your weapon” Paul said.

Fatima chose a bow and arrow, and Paul the broad sword. So away from the restaurant
they went and up to the mountains of Catsky they went. Fatima took out her bow and
arrows and Paul withdrew his sword. And in the blink of an eye the two were dueling.
Who would win? That was a question Wesley asked, but the others did not doubt Paul’s
swordsmanship.
“Oh yeah” Wesley said “You want to bet on that!?”
“Sure why not?” everyone else thought.
So Raymond and Eamonn pooled their money together and came up with 26 Wompars.
Wesley rubbed his hands together with delight…the fools!

Clang! Clang! Paul deflected all of Fatima’s crappy wooden arrows. She was quick but
not fast enough. Just then Fatima had an idea; she took of her shirt and flashed Paul.
Blinded, Paul accidentally dropped his sword and could not find it. As Fatima went to her
satchel to draw out a silver arrow, Paul took out his dagger and threw it at her with all his
might in the direction of Fatima’s shrilled voice. The flying dagger knocked the arrow out
of Fatima’s hand! When Paul regained his sight he picked up his sword and charged at
Fatima.
She leapt out of the way and grabbed another arrow from her satchel and loaded it into
her bow. She released it and it sliced Paul atop his shoulder ever so slightly. Paul took his
finger, ran it across his cut and licked the blood of his finger. Wesley was surprised, he
thought Paul was Juwarsh. Anyways, Paul took his sword and rammed it into Fatima.
Though Paul used the opposite end of the sword, Fatima was still in shock. How could he
hit a woman?!

Eamonn and Harry didn’t care; they won their bet against Wesley. Grumpily Wesley went
into his pockets and dug out 26 Wompars to give to them, although he was more
disappointed that Fatima was not going to join them. Paul felt sorry for the little bugger
and he asked his men if Fatima had proved herself. Whatever they didn’t care and so
Fatima joined the men on their journey.

“So, what are you guys up to anyways?” Fatima asked.

“Yeah what the hell are you guys up to anyways?” Wesley interjected.
Clearing his voice Raymond the Robot filled them in, “Well mates, we’re running away
from the evil queen. She is trying to hunt us down and obtain this pendant that has a mini
universe inside. It has the ability to make her into a god and destroy this planet.”

“Is that it?” Fatima asked “You’re just going to run?”

Harry interrupted Raymond, “Well we haven’t thought of anything yet. We tried to
destroy it and smash it with a really hard stone, but that didn’t work. Then we tried
burying it but the land sharks kept spitting it up from the ground…they’re very picky
about what goes into the ground.”
“I have an idea!” Wesley said “I know this elf in Sinn City. The dude knows a lot about
this crap. He’s a shut in who studies the paranormal. Maybe we should go to him and ask
him how we could destroy the pendant. Well what about it?”
The men agreed to go their, but it was over 200 metrozas away. There was no way they
could make the long journey.

Eamonn took out a crusty old book and looked up some spells. He flipped the pages
looking for a spell to cast. Finally he found something. It was a flying spell, but they
needed to find a few ingredients, and it would only last as long as the amount of
ingredients they had.
The spell called for several ingredients: Root plant, Kentish leaves, Virgin milk, Blue
Lizard Tail, and Catsko fur.
Simple enough, Root plant was all over the place; Eamonn had Kentish leaves, Fatima
had virgin’s milk, Wesley had Blue Lizard Tail but nobody had Catsko fur. There was
only one place to get it…in the Catsko chamber.

Though the men were brave, the Catsko was still the most ferocious creature on the
planet Cyanooda. It was 8 feet tall; it had 6 inch claws, 10 inch fangs, and orange fur as
rough as a cleansing pad. Truly it was a hideous beast. It had six legs and a huge hump
back, but the worst were its eyes. It had three eyes each one a different color: yellow, red
and green. It was a horrible hideous beast! Anyone who looked at it straight in the eye
would throw up all over himself.
Fortunately for the men, Fatima was a Catsko expert. Her poke sword was an efficient
weapon for defeating the Catsko. If she poked the Catsko in the eyes in a certain order
they would die.
The combination was: green, yellow, and then red.
She would never forget this as long as she lived. It was more important to her than the
combination to her locker. Yes Fatima was an expert.

Since she was such an expert, the men made her lead the way into the Catsko chamber.
Eamonn took out his staff, Harry his axe, Paul his sword, and Raymond his whip, but
poor Wesley had no weapon. This may have seemed like a disadvantage, but nobody
knew what great negotiating skills Wesley had. He could talk his way out of a fight with
ease. His talent was much underrated.

Still, Wesley followed behind everyone else. As the men went into the chamber it became
increasingly dark, so Eamonn gave glow sticks to everyone. That helped calm Harry
down, who by the way was afraid of the dark. Although it wasn’t as bad as Raymond’s
fear of Sandy Clause the jolly fat gift giving magician, it still bothered him. A dwarf
should never be afraid of anything.
With that thought in his mind, Harry puffed up his chest and went in front of Fatima to
lead the way, “This is a man’s job! Let me lead the way!”

“But you don’t know anything about Catsko or this chamber!” Exclaimed Fatima “Get
out of my way you fool!”
With her small soft hands, Fatima shoved Harry out of her way. His dwarf legs stumbled
and Harry fell on the ground, right onto a tile sticking out of the ground. Suddenly the
floor collapsed! Ah! Everyone screamed like little girls as they fell through the floor. Paul
took his sword out and jammed it into the wall. Raymond caught onto his legs, and
Eamonn caught onto his legs, and Fatima caught onto his legs, and Harry caught onto her
legs, and Wesley caught onto his legs, forming what looked like a ladder of people.

But there was too much weight. The sword began to bend…then it snapped in half!
Everyone went plummeting to the ground. Thud! Wesley got up and checked if everyone
was alive, thank god they were all alive. Eamonn got out his books of spells and cast a
well spell on everyone. All the back aches and pains of everyone were cured.

Everyone got up and brushed themselves off. Fatima looked around, yet she didn’t
recognize these chambers. They must have found a secret catacomb. There were human-
like bones everywhere scattered all over the floor. Raymond’s head began to throb. His
robot senses were going off the charts. Using his x-ray vision, the Robot scanned the
place. Catsko! They were everywhere!

This would be good on one hand because they needed fur to complete the flying spell, but
on the other hand the Catsko could kill them all. Fatima was way in over her head; she
had never dealt with so many beasts. The men wielded their weapons and formed a circle
to protect each other.
Sweat began to drip down from their faces. Fatima became drenched in sweat and this
turned on Wesley.
“No time to be a pervert Wesley!” Fatima shouted.
“How’d you know that I…oh that. Sorry.” Wesley said.
With that the men prepared themselves for the fight of their lives! A Catsko jumped out
from the corner.

“Hello” it said “Who the heck are you guys?”

They were all surprised; it had never been documented that these beasts could talk. Well
it was probably because people were too busy killing them.
People…anyhow, this astonished Fatima and she asked him “How is it that you speak?”
“We’re not idiots!” it said. Touché.

Clearing his voice Wesley spoke up, eager to use his negotiating skills “Excuse me, how
do you get out of this shit hole? Furthermore can we have some of your fur?”
“Yes, yes this can all be done, but what will I get from you guys?” it said.
“Take her!” Raymond said, and he shoved her slightly towards the Catsko.
Fatima slapped Raymond upside his head, “Stupid robit…”
“No,” the Catsko said “I want you to challenge me in the game of Smichez!”

“What’s Smichez?” Paul asked.

“Well” replied the Catsko “It’s a fun challenging game where you have to try and hop
pieces over each other and thereby consuming them. The one with the last piece standing
wins!”
“Sounds a lot like checkers” commented Fatima.
“No it is not!” the Catsko dejected, “It is way different. If you lose I get to eat you!”
Eamonn stared blankly, “All of us?”
“No” it says “Whomever I pick. Preferably the dwarf…”
“Screw you man! You’re not eating me! I’ll kill you before you can touch me!” Harry
shouted, and he lifted his axe into the air.
Paul pushed him back, “Wait Harry, we can probably beat him. Eamonn has a 220 IQ…
he’s a wizard.”
“Fine” the dwarf said “But only if Eamonn plays…”
And so the games begin. The Catsko let everyone into a smaller room and pulled out a
gigantic board. It was so big that everyone could stand on it. Eamonn stepped onto the
board with his staff and prompted the Catsko to make his move first.

Many hours pass and the game is still going on…there are only two pieces left. One piece
for Eamonn and one piece for the Catsko. After many turns the Catsko corners Eamonn’s
piece and takes it! The Catsko won! Harry started to pee his pants…literally.
Fatima stood in front of him, “Take me!” she said.
Then she whipped out her poke sword and poked the Catsko in the eyes: green, yellow,
red. Boom! The Catsko exploded! Raymond grabbed a bunch of his fur and they all
started running for their lives.
When all the other Catsko heard this noise they began chasing after them. As Fatima was
running she took out her bow and arrows and shot three into the eyes of the Catsko
following them. They howled in pain, but it didn’t affect them much. It wasn’t in
sequence. They kept running and Fatima kept shooting arrows at them to slow them
down, but she was quickly running out. More and more of these beasts continued to chase
them.

Desperately Wesley tried to negotiate with them but they were too pissed. The men had
no other options but to keep running. Finally they hit a wall. There was no way out. The
Catsko weren’t far away, but there was still some hope left. There was a beam of light
shining above from the ceiling; it might be a way out. Paul took his busted sword out and
had Eamonn repair it with his magic and then he threw it into the dilapidated ceiling;
everyone stood back as the ceiling crumbled to the floor. Even though there was now an
exit, the hole was still too high to reach; nobody could get to it, even Raymond couldn’t.
Still, Raymond tried to extend his arms but they could only go so far.

Harry suggested to Eamonn that he perform the flying spell he’d been saving up right
now. Everyone took out each of their ingredients and smashed them together in a stone
bowl on the floor. After saying the spell, the ingredients in the bowl became activated.
Quickly they all snorted the ingredients and got so high so they could fly. Just as the
Catsko arrived everyone was flying up and away. But these Catsko were smart and they
snorted the magical ingredients as well. It worked, they were flying too!

Desperately the men tried to fly up faster and faster, but the beasts caught up with them.
All the men took out their weapons and hit the Catsko in their eyes performing the killer
combination: green, yellow, red. Eventually all the Catsko fell to the ground and
exploded. Boom! The men all thought they were in the clear now, but when the Catsko
exploded they formed another entity. It looked like a worm with the head of a snake and
the jaws of a lion! It was as long as a high rise building and it sprang from the ground,
chased after the men. Chomp! Chomp! It tried to bite at everyone! And it bit Raymond
right in his metallic ass. Ouch!

Eamonn cast a fire spell and spewed brimstone at the worm creature. While its eyes were
burning, Fatima used her poke sword and stuck it deep in its throat. Then Wesley
continued to distract it by negotiating with it. Harry snuck up behind it and with his
mighty axe split it in half! Then it began to fall to the ground. Raymond grudgingly spit
on it while it continued descending downward, ‘till finally…Thud! That was it…or was
it? Yep that was it. The worm creature died. It was then quickly picked up by a bunch of
peasants and eaten. That was that, it was over. The ordeal was over. Eamonn used his
magic staff to pick up boulders and took them to cover up the hole in the Catsko
chambers.
 Chapter Two - To Sinn City

The six friends made their way to Sinn City. While traveling through the sky, Wesley
accidentally bumped into something. A beautiful lady appeared.
“Who-who-who are you?” Wesley stutters.
“I am Miranda, Oracle of the Clouds” she says “You must be Wesley. I have something of
importance to tell you and your friends…”
Wesley stared blankly, “…you were saying?”
“Oh yes,” she replied, “whatever you do don’t take candy from strangers.”
Then as quick as she came, Miranda the Oracle disappeared.

What was that? Was Wesley going out of his mind? Finally everyone else caught up with
Wesley. They looked at Wesley.
“What’s wrong?” they asked.
He explained to them about the Oracle he had just seen and what she had told them.
Everyone was dumbfounded, so they just kept quiet and continued on their way.

Fatima was particularly afraid.

When she was a child she had met the Oracle Miranda, and she told her not to “Jump on
weak bridges.”
Of course being a child Fatima didn’t know what the Oracle was talking about, so she
didn’t heed Miranda’s words. So one day when Fatima was walking across a bridge she
jumped on it! Then it collapsed! Yes the Oracle was very difficult to interpret…always
speaking in riddles.

Of course Eamonn had met the Oracle once before and he knew how to properly interpret
her tales of forewarning. He knew about the candy monster that lured children into its
Ginger bread hut and how it ate them…and lured them in with candy!

Despite the tales of the candy monster, Eamonn wasn’t afraid. He was going to lead
everyone to Sinn City safely. Soon after some time of flying everyone reached their
destination and it was good timing because their flying abilities had just run out.
Everyone was amazed at how huge the city was. The buildings were at least 20 Drubits
high and at least 12 Drubits wide. Wow. Harry was so excited and he cranked his neck
into the air looking at all the amazing structures.

Fatima grabbed Harry by the arm and dragged him along, “Come on we have to find that
Elf.”
“Wesley where is this elf?” asked Eamonn.
“I don’t know” Wesley said “I don’t know him, I just know of him.”
Wesley tossed Eamonn a newspaper, “See there he is in that ad.”
Paul grabbed the newspaper and started reading it to himself, “Jon Super Elf, knows all…
To Contact Call 1-800-455-3902”
“What the hell is a phone?!” Paul shouted. “Don’t worry I have one” Raymond said “I
called him, nobody’s home.”

“Don’t get your panties in a bunch my friends; I’ll just ask somebody directions” Harry
said as he headed into a house, “Hello do you know Jon the Super Elf?”
There is a man sitting in chair quietly.
After a few seconds of eerie silence he turned around, “Yes that would be me. What do
you guys want?”

What a stroke of luck, they found him already.

“How did you know we’d be here?” Harry asked.
“I know all…” the elf said.
Then he got up and brought everyone else in.
“Would you like some tea?” he asked Eamonn.
“Uh sure why not…” Eamonn said.
With a snap of his fingers, tea appeared right in front of wizard Eamonn’s face.
“Wow I’m impressed, and I’m a wizard” said Eamonn.
Jon the Elf already knew what their problem was. Nobody even said anything. He told
them that they needed to go to the island of Talma and get the pendant blessed by a
special priest and then by sprinkling holy water on it, it would be weakened enough so
that they could smash it. Then one of them would have to ingest the remains.

After explaining everything, the elf sticks out his hand “My fee please…”
“Fee! What fee? We have no money!” Fatima said “We barely have enough to feed
ourselves you damn bastard!”
The elf tapped his fingers on his desk thinking to himself, “Well I need my money. If you
don’t have it you’ll have to work for me then.”
Harry refused, elves and dwarves never got along. Wesley got everyone into a huddle,
“Okay when he’s not looking we run.”
Eamonn refused, saying that a Wizard would never break his Wizard oath. So Eamonn
made it final, everyone had to work for the Jon the elf.

Jon gave everyone rooms to sleep in and told them they would work right away in the
morning. When Jon got up to wake everyone, they were all gone.
There was a note on Jon’s desk, “Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!” The elf was so pissed off, but
there was nothing he could do, or was there? Jon had a plan up his sleeve to get those
liars back. He put on his overalls and went to meet his neighbors.

In the meanwhile the six friends galloped away on stolen Stove Horses. Away they went
with the breeze blowing in their ears, galloping with only a few cares on their minds.
Wesley stood on his horse, “Hey Fatima, look what I can do!” then he fell down!
Paul stopped to help him up and everyone else continued to ride.

It looked like Wesley had hurt his leg really bad. Paul put a bandage on it and sprinkled
some fairy dust over it to heal it.
Then Paul put Wesley back up on his horse and hit him upside his head “What were you
thinking you idiot!?”
Then an argument between Paul and Wesley broke out. They kept arguing and arguing. In
no time the pack was far ahead of them. Trying to shield the sun out of his eyes Paul put
his hands above his eyes and squinted ahead, he saw nobody.

Just then he heard a rumble in the ground. Paul got off his stove horse and put his ear to
the ground. Carefully he placed his other ear on the ground. He told Wesley he could hear
horses and men on foot. Wesley made a yelp noise, and he tried kicking Paul out of
frustration.
Brashly Paul swept Wesley’s foot away with his hand and his ear still to the ground, “It’s
getting louder…”
At the top of his lungs Wesley screamed out “They’re here Paul!”
Jerking his head up to see what Wesley was talking about Paul saw hundreds of galloping
horsemen and foot soldiers approaching their direction.
“How did the Queen know we were here?!” Paul shouted over the noise emanating
closely.

There on top of a small steep hill was Jon the elf holding a bag of gold coins smiling. He
must have told the Queen where they were. Bastard! Paul got on his horse and with
Wesley they rode ahead as quick as they could. They galloped for dear life. The Queen’s
men rode furiously, wielding spears and swords. As Paul and Wesley galloped they had to
continually dodge arrows. One nicked Paul in the shoulder and nearly caused him to fall
but he continued to ride. Their horses were slowing down. So Paul and Wesley headed up
a hill to lose the army.

Far ahead of Paul and Wesley, the rest of the men continued to gallop without notice of
their absence. A horrible feeling came over Eamonn and the rest stopped riding to aid
him.
“Where are Paul and Wesley?” he said.
Looking all around Fatima and Harry scoured the open field for them, of course they
were nowhere to be found. Raymond looked back and used his super vision to see. He
could see Paul and Wesley going up a hill.
“To the hills!” cried Raymond.

Far back Wesley and Paul struggled to escape the army. The horses couldn’t go up the
steep hills, so both Wesley and Paul had to abandon their horses. As the queen’s army
tried to follow them up the hill, Wesley came up with an idea. Borrowing Paul’s dagger
he smacked the stove horses on their asses causing them to panic and the fly down the
hill at top speed. The large horses flew down the hill and rammed right into the lead
horseman causing a domino effect. All the men went tumbling down the hill falling on
top of each other.

More of the Queen’s men continued up the hill and numerous arrows bombarded the two,
so Paul and Wesley took cover behind a large boulder. As they leaned against it, the
boulder began to shake and it tumbled down the hill at an alarming speed! Dozens of the
Queen’s men were crushed under the boulder.
That gave Paul an idea, so he prompted Wesley to continue to push boulders down the
hill. The Queen’s mean decided to go around and find a different route. Paul’s ingenious
idea quickly fizzled, so he took out his sword and hacked away at a large tree. Handing
Wesley his dagger, he helped Paul hack away at the tree. When they finally got the huge
Root tree to fall down, they with all their might pushed it down the hill. Like a giant
arrow it sped down the hill for a collision course with the Queen’s evil army. Some men
made it all the way up the hill and Paul and Wesley had to fight them off, Paul with his
sword and Wesley with Paul’s dagger. But they soon begin to tire, there were so many
men attacking them.

In due time, back up arrived. Firing her arrows with complete accuracy, Fatima took
down three men at the same time. Axe wielding dwarf swung his axe around like crazy,
slicing many men and half. And Raymond used his lightning whip to shock multiple men.
Eamonn raised his staff in the air and caused a dark storm, making the top of the hill
foggy. The Queen’s men were having difficulty seeing. With the mass confusion, Paul
gets on Fatima’s horse and Wesley gets on Harry’s horse. They leave as quickly as they
can. After the artificial storm passes it can bee seen that there are less than half the
Queen’s men left, but still a lot nonetheless.

Eamonn decided to save everyone and so he stayed behind while he instructed everyone
to go ahead, but Fatima decided to stay behind with him. She backs Eamonn, shooting
arrows at the Queen’s oncoming men, so he can perform a spell. When Eamonn
completed his spell, the ground began to shake. The ground split open and swallowed the
Queen’s men. Eamonn then closes the pit to finish them off. Fatima and Eamonn take a
breather and then ride on to catch up with the rest.

When they do catch up Harry jokes with them, “What took you so long?”
“Very funny, but we better get out of here, more may be coming” Fatima warns.
Wesley still seems angry, “That bloody elf screwed us over. I say we go back and find
him!”
“It could be risky.” Raymond says.
Despite this, everyone else is angry. They ride back to find the elf.

When they arrive back at the city they are aghast to see that it has been pillaged and burnt
to the ground. Not one person is out and about on the streets and the place smells like
sulfur. The evil Queen has destroyed the city. A little boy came running out unto the street
screaming for his mommy but she was nowhere to be found. So he ran up to the only
people present, the men, and asks where she is.

Befuddled by what to say, the men stay quiet and scratch their heads. After minutes of
deaf silence Fatima speaks up, clearing her throat she replies “Your mom is…she’s
dead…” The little boy says nothing; he looks like he’s going to cry. No tears come out,
but he sniffles a little. He then looks up and has grimace on his face. A wide evil grin then
appears upon this child’s face. A loud thunder clap goes off in the distance and while the
men stare they see it. The little boy is transforming.

He drops to the floor and goes into seizures. He screams in pain! The men start backing
away, but out of curiosity Wesley stays to watch. Wesley looks in awe as the boy’s skin
starts changing color and turn to scales. Talons grow from his feet and claws on his
hands! His whole head changes shape and then the rest of his body. This child is no
longer a child, he is growing larger and larger screeching with pain. When the child has
completed morphing, everyone can see what he is. A dragon! With utmost quickness
Wesley turns his steed around and tries to escape. The red dragon grabs the leg of his
horse with the tips of its fingers and sends Wesley tumbling off his stove horse.

Dangling the horse in the air, the dragon dropped it into its mouth. Ferociously it looked
at the men and opened its mouth again. With one quick swoop it gulped them all up. It
came so fast that none of the men could escape; it took them and their horses and
everything with them.

Inside the belly of the beast were others, men, women, children, animals. This wretched
creature had consumed the whole city. Maybe it was the one who had burnt the town
down? But how could a mere child transform into a dragon?! These questions would be
answered. An old man went to the men to greet them and explained what had happened.
“This dragon, as you call it” said the old man “had consumed the city in order to save us
all. The dragon is really guardian of Sinn City and it has disguised itself as a child. When
the Queen’s men returned to the City and could not find you they thought we were hiding
you. So the men burnt down the City. So this is really all your fault.”

“How do we get out of here?” Paul asked.

“Well” the old man said “You have to wait for nature to occur.”
“What do you mean nature?” Paul asked “What is nature?”
Before Paul could speak the belly of the dragon child began to rumble and without
warning everyone found themselves on the floor. The dragon had pooped everyone out.
When everyone came to their senses the men took to their feet and were going to leave.
Just as they were, the dragon stopped them.
“Wait” it said “Where are you going?”
“We’re going home” Eamonn said “This place is messed up.”
“Why leaving so soon?” the dragon said “Don’t you have to destroy that pendant of
yours?”
“How did you know?” Eamonn asked.
The dragon replied “I can absorb the knowledge of all those I consume. Also this pendant
is stuck in my bum. Hold on a minute I’ll give it back to you.”

The village people went aback as the dragon opened up his butt cheeks and pooped out
the pendant. Whoosh! With a mighty wind following it the pendant came out and right
into Harry’s hands.
“Thank you!” Harry said as he put the pendant into his pocket.
“Do you not have to go to the Island of Talma?” the dragon said “If you would like I
could take you there. I have been there many times before.”
“No thank you.” Eamonn said “We can get there on our own.”
Out from the crowd came a yogi who spoke up, “You cannot get there wizard. Even I
who can fly cannot. The air is so thin that only a dragon could breathe it. Other than
flying the only way you could get there is by ship and it looks like you don’t have one.”
“We can get one!” Fatima said “We just have to find one…”
The people of the city laughed. Nobody could get across the sea to Talma, not even the
great explorer Norwa who traveled there 7 years ago today. But the men were determined
to get to the island regardless of anyone helping them. Fatima in particular was not
particularly excited about being helped by a dragon, so she prompted the rest of the men
to leave. Not knowing what to do or say the men decided to just follow Fatima. As they
were walking the dragon kept following behind. They all could see his large shadow over
sky flapping his wings.

Eamonn told them to ignore it. After an hour of walking the dragon was still following
them. All the men were tired from the battle earlier so they decided to stop for a rest.
They went into a bar and each ordered a drink. Eamonn ordered a beer. Paul ordered a
glass of malt liquor. Wesley ordered a vodka cooler. Fatima ordered a margarita.
Raymond ordered a Pena Colada. Harry ordered a glass of milk.
When Harry did order a glass of milk, the barkeep looked at him strangely, remarking
“Don’t you want a real man’s drink?”
Only being a little annoyed, Harry decided to keep to himself. While drinking his glass of
goat’s milk a drunk approached Harry.
The drunk put his hand around Harry’s shoulder “Hey Sailor, why don’t you have a real
drink? It seems to me only a real man could handle a real drink. Since you’re not a man, I
assume you’re a sissy. Yeah I drilk minking tissy! Ha! Ha! Ha! You’re a stupid, stupid
man!”

Everyone else followed the drunkard’s lead and began mocking Harry’s drink as well.
Out of nowhere Harry snapped! Grabbing his golden axe he took it and chopped off the
drunk’s right arm. Blood was spurting everywhere. It was a god-awful site! Harry’s men
looked at him in horror.
“What the hell are you doing?!” Eamonn said “Have you lost your mind?!”
Harry didn’t answer; he just stood there holding his bloody axe. The rest of the drunks in
the bar stood up.
Then one shouted “Get him!” and in an instance everyone began attacking Harry.
Wielding his golden axe, Harry sliced up everyone who came at him. Blood was literally
everywhere. Before long all the on comers were dead. The bloody mess made the barkeep
pooh his pants.
Wesley got up off his bar stool and looked in horror, “What have you done?! You
freaking psycho!”
Putting his hand over his mouth, Eamonn took a big yawn. He lifted his staff in the air
and chanted strange foreign words. A bright purple flame like light emanated from his
staff and a bright flash blinded everyone.
When the men opened their eyes, all the blood was gone. The wounds in the people had
healed up. Slowly they all got up and took to their seats, wondering what happened.
Eamonn gave a wink and a gun, proud of his hand dandy work. He then led all his men
out of the bar (as to make sure no more trouble was caused). As soon as they got outside,
Fatima started screaming at Harry.
“What is your problem Harry!?” Fatima shouted “Are you retarded?! Huh! Huh!”
Then Fatima hit Harry upside his head.
“I don’t know what came over me, I just snapped. But I hardly remember anything at all;
it all seems like a fuzzy blur.” Harry replied “I think the goat’s milk was tainted. Here
taste it.”
Harry handed the glass to Fatima and it stank like pooh. She would just have to take his
word for it. Curious, Wesley grabbed the glass of goat’s milk from her and drank it.
Fortunately for everybody Wesley was a small man, and rather than hallucinate, he just
passed out.

With a portion of his strength, Paul hoisted Wesley onto his shoulders and everyone
continued to walk. It was getting dark and so the men increased their pace. As they were
walking they could still see the dragon following behind. So the men started running
while Fatima led the way.
“Where are we going Fatima?” Raymond asked.
“To the docks” Fatima replied
“Why?” he said.
Eamonn interrupted “You know, there are mythical creatures there, yep dangerous
mythical creatures!”
“Like what?” Fatima asked.
“Oh I don’t know” Eamonn replied “Hydro monsters, Werewolves, Vampires, Michael
Jackson and such…”
“Meh” Fatima said as she shrugged her shoulders.

Just after a few minutes of running the men became tired.

“I’m tired” Wesley said “Can’t we just use that stupid dragon?”
“No!” Fatima said “I had a bad experience once.”

Fatima reminisces…
“I remember it like it was yesterday. I was in some sort of city and there was a dragon.
And it ate me and then pooped my out of its butt. It smelt. Oh it was horrible. And
then…”

Paul interrupted, “Ahem. Uh we were there Fatima. Also it wasn’t yesterday.”

“Well” said Fatima “I didn’t like coming out a dragon’s ass, so the answer is no. Plus
there are other ways we can get around.”
“Like what?” Paul said.
“I know!” Eamonn said, and then in a blink of an eye he disappeared into thin air.
After a few minutes of waiting Eamonn returns, “Here I am!” he says.
“Where’d you go?” Raymond asks.
“I went to the future” Eamonn says “And I brought back something. Here take a look.”
Fishing into his pockets, Eamonn brings out a little capsule.
“Interesting” Harry says “But how is that going to help us?”
“Watch” Eamonn says as he whips the capsule on the ground.
A puff of smoke then surrounds all of the men. When it disappears a car appears. But not
just any type of car, a hover car!
“I call Shotgun!” Harry said and he got in the right side passenger seat.
Fatima went in the middle front, and the rest went to the back.

Eamonn stuck the key in the hover car and turned it. Vroom! Vroom! And away they
went!
“So” says Fatima “What does this vehicle run on exactly, meat?”
“Did you say meet?” Eamonn replies, “No, not at all, it runs on hydrogen.”
“Hydrogen, what’s that?” Harry asks “Is that some sort of food?”
“No.” Eamonn says “It’s a fuel…”
“What’s a fuel?” Wesley says “What’s a fuel?”
“Forget it, ask Raymond…” Eamonn says as he continues to drive in silence.
Raymond begins with “You see…” then ends with “Forget it you’ll never understand.”
This leaves everyone in awe and wonder. They never understood a word he said.

While Eamonn is driving Wesley remarks that the dragon is still following them. Eamonn
is irritated and he drives faster and faster, so fast that the dragon can barely keep up. The
wind is blowing in everyone’s face. It is making them tear.
“Don’t you think we’re going a little too fast?” Paul says.
“No!” Fatima remarks “We have to outrun this sky stalker!”
And with that, Eamonn pushes the car to maximum speed, thus slowly leaving behind the
fat dragon. The car was now going a top speed of 300 mph! In no time the men were at
the docks. But something was wrong, the car wouldn’t stop. They drove right into the sea.

The car made a giant splash and threw everyone out. It rolled over and quickly sank into
the deep blue sea. The men quickly swam ashore and squeezed the salty water out of their
clothes.
Everyone looked vex at Eamonn and all he could say in reply was “Sorry!”
But there was no time to stay angry, for night had come and the ships were fleeting. The
only one left was a small little dingy clutched upon the dock. In it was a shriveled up old
miser. As Paul and the rest approached the old miser he was quick to offer them his boat.
“Greetings, would you like this here fine boat? It will only cost you 120 wompars.” He
said.
Was he out of his mind? 120 wompars could buy ten of these boats.
“We’ll give you 50 Wompars.” Fatima said “And that is all.”

The old miser refused, “This is the only boat here. How can you refuse? Do you wish to
swim by foot? There is no other way to get across the sea. You can have this boat for 100
Wompars.”
“Okay” Fatima said “40 Wompars…and we won’t kill you!”
With a nervous look on his face the miser chuckled lightly, “That is less than what you
had offered me before!”
Swiftly withdrawing his sword, Paul placed it against the old miser’s neck, “Do we have
a deal?”
“Of course” he said “Of course.”
And the old miser came of the dingy and prompted them to go ahead. It was small; it
barely looked like it could fit half the men. Nonetheless, they were on a mission more
important than their lives, so they knew it out unto the heartless sea for them. When
Harry looked back he saw that the miser had vanished. It seemed odd to him, where could
he have gone? Well that was of no importance to him, the only thing that was on his mind
was to destroy the pendant.

Eamonn, Fatima, Harry, Wesley, Raymond, and Paul boarded the dingy one at a time,
taking care not to capsize it; surprisingly it fit them all, but just barely.
“I don’t think this boat will hold up to the mighty sea” Harry said “It’s too small.”
The rest agreed, but Eamonn was optimistic, “Fear not, I shall cast a spell upon this
boat.”
Raising his voice, Eamonn chanted an ancient verse from the book of spells. When he
finished the boat had been cast in iron and grew to more than thrice its size.
“Wow” Paul said “I’m impressed.”
Then Eamonn took out a boat motor and attached it to the back of what was once the
dingy.

“Pull the cord!” Eamonn said.

Raymond pulled the cord and the engine sputtered, then the turbine spun the blade and
pushed them off. Out they went into the sea. The waters were perfectly calm and the boat
had no trouble traveling. After a few hours of sailing the sea became increasingly violent.
The tides went up and down, moving the boat around. This made Wesley and Fatima
seasick. Both of them threw up overboard as they grabbed onto the edges of the boats.
Paul mocked them as he laughed standing with one foot on his seat, “Can’t handle a little
motion?” he said and continued to laugh.
“Sit down” Eamonn said “The seas will not be calm for another hour, you may fall over.”
It happened. The boat shook and Paul fell over. He grabbed onto the side but something
grabbed his leg. It looked like a long tentacle.

“Help me!” Paul cried out “Something’s got me!”

He fumbled around for his dagger and used it to stab the creature’s arm causing it to let
go. Paul climbed back into the boat.
“That was very foolish of you” Eamonn said.
Raymond peered into the water, “What was that?” he said.
Just as everyone thought everything was safe, two tentacles came from the water. One
grabbed Harry and one grabbed Paul. It pulled them under water. Frantically, Fatima
grabbed her arrows and shot them into whatever was in the water. It didn’t help! Harry
and Paul were still being held underwater. As hope would seem lost, Paul and Harry came
afloat.
Harry got on board and grabbed Paul in, bellowing out “Quick! Let’s get out of here!”
Raymond tried revving up the boat, but it was no use. The raging water had cause the
engine to short circuit. Panic struck the men. Wesley cowered in the corner of the boat as
Eamonn tried to allay everyone’s fears, “Calm down everyone! It’s probably nothing.”
Eamonn stuck his head over the boat and looked for anything, “See there is nothing.”

Just as everyone calmed down, an eerie silence came over them. Suddenly the sea
creature appeared! It jumped up from the water and over the boat. It was hideous! The
beast had eight tentacles, a long body, and a beak with a thousand teeth! Its body was
covered with pink fish like scales and it had eight eyes! This eight arm creature grabbed
the boat with its eight arms and dragged the boat down into the great depths of the sea.
All the men hung on for dear life not knowing what it was going to do with them.

While everyone panicked, Paul withdrew his sword and sliced off the creature’s tentacle.
Then he withdrew his dagger and stabbed it right into the flesh of the monster. It
squealed, but it didn’t let go of the six and it continued to the depths of the ocean. To
Paul’s surprise the tentacles kept growing back; in fact each time he cut one off two came
back. So he decided to put his sword and dagger back. Grabbing Eamonn, Paul gestured
him to do something. Struggling to stay alive, Eamonn took out a bag of magic herbs and
sprinkled as much of it as he could on the men. It was a special formula that would allow
them to breathe in the water temporarily, but even so, that did not solve the problem of
the creature.

The pressure of the water pressed against everyone, which was almost far worse than not
being able to breathe. The pain became excruciating, but as they were about to give up
the creature took them into a cave. Inside was dry. The creature let go of the men. They
all came out of the water and onto the rocky land. It then disappeared unto the water.

“Where did that heathen go?” Harry asked.

Everyone looked into the water.
“I don’t know.” Raymond said “Maybe we should get out of here while we can.”
“Good idea” Eamonn said, “But we cannot go back out, the sea pressure is too much.”
“What then do you propose we do?” Fatima said sarcastically, “Pray?!”
While the men argued, Wesley went exploring in the cave. Grabbing a light fish from the
water, Wesley tied it around his neck to guide him through the dark cave.
As he walked around aimlessly he spoke to himself, “Strange I hear a noise from around
the corner. Are we the only in this place?”
Cupping his hands around his mouth he shouted “Hello! Is anybody there?!”
As Wesley continued walking, he lost grip of his light fish and it fell back into the water
and swam away. It was now nearly pitch black. Strange noises continued to echo through
the cave and this made Wesley’s knees shake. But he proceeded through the cave, and as
he walked through he could hear loud crunching noises from underneath his feet.

Back with the others, Eamonn was performing a light spell. Out from his bag he brought
out two powdered light fish and crushed blue grass. Combining them together while
chanting a spell, he made the whole cave light up.
Wesley who was away from the gang, persisted to find his way back, but he knew he was
far away. All throughout, he kept hearing crunching noises underneath his feet. As he
took another step the cave suddenly filled with light. Beneath Wesley were thousands of
eggs! They came in different shapes and sizes but they were all pink and spotted.

Wesley slowly backed out of the cave room when he bumped into somebody. It was Paul
and the rest, thank god.
“Why did you wonder off?” Paul said “We were looking all over for you. Hey what is
this place? There are so many eggs; pink and spotted.”
“I don’t know” Wesley said, “I just came here…”
Before anybody could say anything more, the eggs began to hatch. The large ones in
particular were mainly hatching. This must have been a feeding ground! No wonder the
tentacle creature brought them here.

The two knew they were in trouble. Without hesitation they ran back to the others. Soon
after ten eggs hatched, then twenty more eggs hatched, then thirty, then a hundred more.
Hungry for food the mini tentacle creatures followed after the two. Trying to run from
these creatures seemed a folly; they were too fast and too many, they kept moving around
and rolling like little balls until they surrounded the men.

In no time the creatures were on top of the men. With their little beaks they bit upon the
men, trying to siphon juices from their bodies. Frantically Harry rolled around, crushing
them. The rest followed suite and rolled on the ground in an almost hysterical manner.
After getting off all the tentacles creatures the men drew their weapons. They were
useless, too many of them were coming, but Paul continued to slash away with all his
might. Eamonn fumbled to get his book of spells out. When he did get his book out, he
could not find a spell to vanquish water creatures, but he did find a spell for dementia
dimension travel. So he chanted the spell and a black hole opened in the cave. Everyone
jumped inside while Paul continually slashed away at the creatures.
“Get in!” Eamonn said “The portal is closing!”

Paul hacked away at one more creatures and jumped into the portal; Eamonn then
proceeded to close it up. Once the portal was closed, the men found themselves in a
twirling tunnel, plummeting to who knows where.
“Where are we going?” Wesley asked.
“I don’t know!” Eamonn said “I’ve never used this spell before; I just hope it transports
us to safety.”
Panic stricken, the men flailed around as if trying to grab onto something. They were
beginning to go hysterical. All the colors of the tunnel had an effect on them, but before
the insanity could kick in the men found themselves in another place.
 Chapter Three – Poison Candy Land

It was a strange place like no one had seen before. There were enormously tall buildings,
people wearing strange clothes, and odd vehicles traveling across grey roads with yellow
lines.
“Where are we?” Paul asked.
Nobody answered, because nobody knew. Even Eamonn himself look baffled and
partially afraid. For this was new to him too. There these brave men who had fought in
hundreds of fights (except for Wesley) just stood there on the streets huddled together,
afraid. All the lights and noises perturbed them in a way they had never experienced
before.

“Go ask somebody where we are Paul.” Harry nudged Paul.

“No way, why don’t you?” Paul retorted.
Harry kept insisting Paul ask, and finally he gave in. Reluctantly Paul tapped a stranger
on the shoulder, “Excuse me sir, we’re lost. Can you tell us where we are?”
The stranger turned around, “What are you nuts?! Get away from me…” and he walked
away. That didn’t work.
“Did he call us nuts? What does that mean?” Paul said “Hey you ask somebody this time
Harry.”
“Alright fine…” Harry said.

Looking around for somebody less intimidating, Harry finally saw somebody he thought
looked munificent.
Walking along side the lady, he stopped her and told her “I’m lost, can you tell me where
I am?”
The woman looked at him in a strange manner (much like the manner Harry saw her in)
and then she spoke up, “You’re a funny look elf aren’t you? Are you going to the comic
convention?”
“I’m not an elf, lady! I’m a dwarf” said Harry “You look funnier than I you know! I don’t
know of this comic convention which you speak of, but I’m going to assume it’s some
sort of place where thou eats. Anyway lady, I am lost. Tell me where I am at once!”

The woman looked angry, but then a wide smile came across her face. Surprisingly she
found Harry amusing.
“What’s your name?” she said “And who are your funny looking friends?”
“I am Harry” said Harry “This is Fatima, that there is Eamonn. That is Paul and Wesley.
Oh and that is Raymond. Might I ask who are you?”
“My name? My name is Roshni” said the lady “…I’m confused, who are you guys?”
Eamonn interjected “We are nobody in particular, but we come from a different world. It
is a universe parallel to yours. We have traveled here to escape wretched tentacle
monsters. I used a spell from my book to get my men here. Actually it was an accident.
Most of these things I say are from my own inferences. To tell you the truth I have no
clue what is going on really. But I can tell you that we are an important mission. We have
to hide a special pendant from an evil Queen to stop her from destroying the world and
gaining god like powers.”

Roshni tried to hold in her laughter as her face turned blush.

“What kind of stunt are these guys (and one girl) trying to pull?” she thought “Maybe I
should humor them.”
“So tell me guys” she said “Would you like me to take you around and answer your
questions?”
All the men agreed but Fatima, “I don’t know” she said “Are you just humoring us?”
“Actually” Roshni said “Yes I am.”
Fatima took out her pendant and showed Roshni the universe. Roshni looked closely with
intent and couldn’t believe her eyes. Though she was skeptical, it was nothing like she
had ever seen before. There were billion of stars and planets inside. It mystified her as
she held it lightly in her hand; the lights were so engaging, nearly hypnotic.

“You know” Roshni said “I’ve never seen anything like this. This may sound crazy…but
I absolutely believe you.”
With a smug look on her face, Fatima smiled and said “…I knew you would.”
Roshni grabbed Paul around his arm and told him to follow her. As they went around
New York on foot, Roshni described all the sites and sounds. The men had many
questions and Roshni could barely keep up, but she gladly answered them all. It was as
exciting for her as it was for them.

After much walking and touring the sky soon become dark, but being New York the city
lit right up. Roshni and the men were now hungry and so they made their way to a nearby
restaurant. When they went in the people all gave them funny looks. It was obvious to the
men that they were strangers in a foreign land, but they felt increasingly uneasy. Eyes
followed them around the room as they went to take a table. There was one man in
particular who was interested in them.

When the men took to their seats, so did this man follow as well, sitting right beside
Raymond.
“Howdy ho!” the mystery man said “Those are some interesting costumes you have!”
“They’re not costumes” Roshni said “These guys are from a parallel dimension.”
It looked like the mystery man was going to laugh, but he didn’t. Even for New York he
was dressed strange as well. His hair was pitch black and styled like Hitler’s hair. He
wore a long trench coat with brown boots and baggy clothing! It could only be assumed
he was homeless, but how could he be? This mystery man ordered drinks and food for
everyone at the table, plus he paid with a master card. So who was he?!
“Who are you?” Fatima asked.
“Dennis!” he said while clearing his throat.
“A strange name” Wesley said “A strange name indeed, but even stranger is you!”
Not knowing what to say, Dennis quickly quipped “Well you’re short!”
That shut Wesley right up and let Dennis speak without interruption.
He continued to say “I’m a drug dealer! You guys want some drugs! I got all kinds, crack,
coke, weed…whatever you want!”
Standing up from the table Roshni shouted out “You’re a drug dealer?! You?!”
“Keep it down” Dennis said “Let’s discuss this outside…” And so everyone went outside
and into a dark alley.

In the dark alley, Dennis opened up his jacket only to reveal the biggest shit load of drugs
Roshni had ever seen!
“First hit is free!” Dennis said.
Roshni was in utter heaven, she’d never seen so much wonderful drugs. It was like being
a kid in a candy shop.
Eamonn was curious, “What are drugs you speak of? Can I make a potion or a sort of
elixir with it?”
Dennis just smirked, “Why yes of course you can!”
“Then I and my men shall take a batch load of the white stuff!” Eamonn said.
Happily Dennis handed it to them, “Why don’t you come to my place and you can get
high there.”
“I don’t know…” Roshni said.
“Come on!” Dennis argued, “It’ll be fun!”
“Well,” Roshni said “okay.”
Off Roshni and the men went to Dennis’ grungy dirty messy apartment. It was infested
with roaches and rats…so Dennis decided to take them to his penthouse! This place was
spick and span, extremely clean. There was neither a spot anywhere nor a dust bunny
under any tables. What a place! This drug dealer was rich! He had arcade machines,
plasma TVs, porn magazines, gizmos, gadgets, and a bunch of shit the men had never
seen! All the men were extremely curious and they went their own ways to look around
the place.

Harry was sitting on the black leather vibrating chair. Eamonn was looking at the fridge.
Fatima was looking at the computer. Wesley was looking at the plasma television.
Raymond was looking at some video-graphic pornography, and Paul was looking at a cell
phone. Ah yes the men were having a merry good time. Dennis on the other hand was
carefully preparing the crack that Eamonn had asked for, dividing the pack into sniff-able
portions. Roshni was not a crack addict, so instead she sat in the corner smoking a pipe.

When Dennis was done preparing the crack he called the men. They went to the table and
stared at it.
“Come on guys, come and sniff it” Dennis said.
“Sniff it?” Eamonn said “Why should we do that?”
“Don’t kid me around guys, it’s so you can get high!” Dennis said, “Alright I don’t know
who or what you guys are, but I’ll explain it in layman terms. You have to sniff this white
powder to receive the effects of this substance. It will make you feel good.”
“Well then I suppose we should!” Eamonn said.
Then he took his staff and nudged the rest of the men with it to sniff the white powder.
“I don’t trust him” Fatima said “Do you think it might be poison?”
“No not at all” Dennis said “Watch me.”
Taking a straw and putting it up his nose, Dennis sniffed up a section of crack. His eyes
began to water and he began to twitch then he just dropped back on his couch. His eyes
were now red and he began to drool and foam at the mouth. All the while
Roshni was relaxing in the corner smoking her pipe, “Maybe you guys shouldn’t sniff
that crack” Roshni said “, could be harmful.”

Despite her warning Fatima decided to sniff the crack. Kneeling at the table she pressed
her nose against the white residue, but just as she was about to sniff, Wesley remembered
what the oracle had said. But it was too late…Eamonn had already stopped Fatima from
sniffing the coke. Wesley was no hero, but he did enjoy pretending to be a hero. Paul on
the other hand was a hero, back on the planet Cyanooda, he once saved a village from a
blob monster! He did it simply by screaming at it! Yes screaming it! And it went away!
Poor Wesley…he had always wanted to be a hero and show everyone how brave he was.
The men knew how weak Wesley was, so they excused his weakness…nah just kidding,
Wesley was very courageous and brave. Also he always knew when to tell a joke.., like
now for instance.

“That’s not the only thing Fatima likes sniffing!” Wesley quipped.
But nobody responded. So Wesley decided to take his life. Taking Paul’s dagger he
plunged the object into his gut. But being so weak he could not do it. Poor, poor
Wesley… Lowering his head Wesley walked away in shame. He walked out of the
penthouse and slammed the door behind him in embarrassment.
“Wait!” Fatima said “I love you!”
By the time she said that, Wesley had already gone out of earshot.
“You love Wesley?” Paul said “Since when?”
“Oh I’m just lying to get him back in here” Fatima said “We need his powers of
negotiation.”
“Touché” Eamonn said “Touché…”

The men, including Roshni, were all stumped. Why was Wesley feeling like this!? What
could it have been? After many minutes of arguing, Roshni finally won the argument and
said that he must have felt homesick. Putting on Dennis’ trench coat, Roshni went out to
go get Wesley. The men stayed in the penthouse, devising a plan to destroy the pendant.

“How will we get back to our world?” Harry asked “We have to destroy the pendant do
we not?”
“I know” Fatima said “Why don’t we just leave the pendant in this world? The queen
could never find it!”
Stroking his beard and thinking hard, Eamonn replied “No we can’t. The queen may be
able to cast the same spell as I did and she would only come to this world and destroy it.
But we could always take that risk…on the other hand I don’t trust this place. What do
you think Raymond my loyal robot?”
Stroking his chin ever so slightly Raymond said to Eamonn “Let’s go find Wesley first.”
All of them had nearly forgotten about Wesley. Running out of the penthouse at top
speed, they bellowed at the top of their lungs Wesley’s name, “Wesley! Wesley! Where
the hell are you?!”

Two hours passed by and the men still could not find Wesley. Maybe something horrible
had happened to him or even Roshni? The suspense was killing them. Eamonn could no
longer wait; he took out his book of spells. In it he found a finding spell.
Raising his gigantic wooden staff in the air, Eamonn chanted these words “A hooma a
booma, a ram a tama tooma, a shooma a dooma, a yooma looma lama!”
Instantly the spell began to work, Eamonn’s staff lit up with a red light and made a
pleasant beeping noise. It would flash and beep faster the closer they were to Wesley.

The men walked around New York looking for Wesley. Eamonn’s staff kept beeping and
beeping, and flashing and flashing. After half an hour of walking the staff stopped
beeping and flashing. The men had found Wesley. There he was sitting beside Roshni on
a park bench.
Immediately the men questioned his actions, Paul saying “You fool! Why did you wander
in such a foreign land! You could have been killed!” Wesley just rolled his eyes.
“Leave him alone” Roshni said “He’s not feeling well. He misses his home.”
Fatima sat down on the bench beside Wesley and put her arm around him, “There, there,
don’t worry we’ll get home.”
Wesley got up and said “No! You’re all wrong! I’m not home sick! I want powers!”
“Powers?” Raymond said “What do you mean?”
“I want powers like you guys!” Wesley said “Look…Fatima is an archer, Paul can wield
a sword, Eamonn is a know-it-all wizard, Raymond is a super robot with a whip, and
Harry is a mighty axe wielding dwarf! But me?! Nothing! Nothing I tells yah!”
“You have the powers of negotiation!” Eamonn said “Neg-freaking-gotiation!”
Sitting back down Wesley thought about it for minute…”Screw you guys!”
“What happened to your fire pistol?” Harry asked.
Angrily he replied, “I lost it damn it!”
Eamonn thought to himself, “What an idiot!”
Then he had a better idea, why not make Wesley his own weapon?! That would be great,
because he’d stop bitching! It was decided, Eamonn would make Wesley his own
weapon.
“What weapon would you like?” Eamonn asked Wesley.
“I don’t know” Wesley said “How about a sword?”
“Get your own damn weapon!” Paul said.
“How about a whip?” Wesley said.
“Screw you!” Raymond said.
“How about a bow and arrow set?!” Wesley said.
Then Fatima hit him upside the head.
“Look,” Eamonn said “Stop copying other people’s ideas damn it, you need to get your
own damn weapon unique to you!”

“I know,” Roshni said “How about nunchuks!”

“Nunchuks?” Wesley said “What are those?”
Taking out a pair of nunchuks from Dennis’ trench coat, Roshni demonstrated to him all
the possibilities. She kept swirling and twirling it until Wesley got dizzy.
“Like ‘em?” Roshni said.
“No!” Wesley said. “Fine let’s just get you a gun then!” Roshni said. Roshni and the men
then went to a convenience store to pick up a gun…or two.

In the convenience store Wesley stared at all the guns, “How do these work?” he said.
Taking out a magnum from her purse, Roshni brought Wesley nearby outside and
demonstrated for him on a local tree. Bang! It split right in half. Definitely Wesley was
impressed. Looking at all the guns he couldn’t decide. Finally he made up his mind and
decided upon a silver one. But Wesley had no money, so Roshni covered him.
Satisfied with their purchase they proceeded out of the convenience store, but the clerk
quickly stopped them, “Wait Boss! You forgot your other gun!”
“Other gun?” Roshni asked.
“Yes!” he said, “Today is a two for one sale; give this gun to your friend as well.”
Roshni took the silver gun and handed it to Wesley. The clerk ran back inside.

Wesley was so happy. When they got outside he kept shooting away at birds. One by one
they fell to the ground, but he soon ran out of bullets.
“What’s wrong with this?” Wesley said “Why isn’t it working?”
“It ran out of bullets” Roshni said “You need more.”
“Don’t waste your money Roshni” Eamonn said “I shall make his weapon infinite.”
Drawing out his might staff and pointing it into the air, Eamonn chanted these words
“Nug bug zug rug mug zug bug nug!”
The gun now had an infinite amount of bullets and Wesley kept shooting more birds; he
was really particular about pigeons. Anyways, Roshni and the men made their way back
to Dennis’ penthouse.

At the penthouse Dennis was still foaming at the mouth. Roshni placed his trench coat
over him. Mounds of foam covered him all over his body. Some of it even spilt on the
floor. This was quite shocking! Never before had Dennis foamed at the mouth so much!
“What do we do with Dennis?” asked Roshni, “Maybe we should take him to the
hospital?”
“No, no, no. We shouldn’t take him to this strange place you’re talking about.” Eamonn
said “Instead I shall cure him with my magic stone. Now stand back!”
Bringing out a stone from his bag, Eamonn placed it on Dennis’ lap, Eamonn and the rest
stood back. The mighty stone glowed a bright green, becoming brighter and brighter!
“What’s going on?” Roshni asked.
“The stone is absorbing Dennis’ disease.” Eamonn said. Absorbing his disease?! Wow.
That’s amazing. Dennis stopped foaming at the mouth, and furthermore, where the foam
had once been was now clean!
Shaking his head, Dennis got up and went to the washroom. He then came back to the
room and took a seat back on his couch.
“So” he said “Who wants to get high?” Harry looked at Dennis for a minute.
“Why are you staring Harry?” Dennis said, “Is something wrong with you?”
Just as Dennis put his nose up to the table, Harry tackled him to the floor spilling his
precious drugs all over the place.

“You fool!” Dennis said “Now I’ll have to clean this mess up…with my nose!”
“No you won’t!” Eamonn said.
He then raised his staff in the air and then tapped Fatima on the shoulder “Clean this up
will you. Oh and put on this French maid’s dress.”
Fatima told Paul to do it, then Paul told Raymond to do it, then Raymond told Wesley to
do it, then Wesley told Roshni to do it. Wesley ended up cleaning the floor.

“So” Roshni said “What’s on the agenda for today? Are you guys going to go back to
your world? Or what’s the deal? Huh? Will yah? What’re yah going to do? Huh? Hey!
Hello!”
“We heard you the first time Roshni,” Paul said “And the answer is yes. Yes we will. Do
you want to come with?”
“She cannot come with!” Eamonn said “She will ruin our mission!”
“Come on!” Roshni said “I swear I won’t get in your way! If you bring me along, I’ll
give you this!”
Taking out a lighter Roshni showed it to the men.
“Fire in a box!” she said.
“I don’t know…we already have fire, plus Eamonn can perform spells…” Raymond said,
“But what the hell! I’m a robot! I say you come along! Men what say you?” With a loud
cheer and an “Ay” it was decided Roshni would be brought along for the adventure.

That was fine and dandy for Roshni, but what about Dennis? Should he be brought along
as well? The answer was no. His dope smacking problems would be too much of a
burden. So the men decided it was best to leave Dennis in his rut. And with that, the men,
including Roshni left Dennis’ penthouse. Dennis was a bit offended, but he decided to
upkeep the temple in his own realm. In the meanwhile, the men went out for one last
glimpse of the big apple.
 Chapter 4 – Wet as a Dog

Splash! The men had landed in the sea, and there was a storm raging. Rain drops beat
down on the men and tidal waves washed them around. The men were doing fine, but
Roshni had never seen such rough weather. Immediately Raymond went to her rescue.
Using his robotic legs like a propeller, he swam to Roshni and put her upon his back.
“Are you alright?” he said. Coughing, Roshni drudgingly nodded her head.

While Raymond tended to Roshni, Eamonn gathered the men and urged them to form a
circle, “This will keep us warm and together!” he said.
So the men linked arms and faced the raging sea as a team. Raymond took Roshni to the
middle to be protected. But she was being worn down by the waters, and could not keep
her eyes open. The sea filled her mouth with water and had strewn her hair all over his
face. Roshni looked a mess.

“Give her your air!” Wesley hollered above the rapids.

With a discomfited look on his face, Raymond quickly placed his mouth around Roshni’s
mouth, giving her his air. With his mouth agape, Eamonn had just remembered a spell in
his book to calm waves. Reaching into his bag he pulled out his book. He tried to open to
the right page, but the pages were stuck wet. They were wrinkled and difficult to read. As
he fumbled around with his book the men were swept away, he should not have let go.
They all became separated into the sea. If that were not trouble enough, Eamonn dropped
his book and it fell below into the deep waters.
“No!” he cried. Eamonn then dove down and disappeared. It was now only Raymond and
Roshni together.

“Hang on” Raymond said “We’ll get you to safety.”

Barely able to keep her eyes open from the sting of salt, Roshni just gave a nod. Just as
Roshni was about to pass out, Raymond looked ahead and saw a ship. Extending his arms
to its farthest reach, Raymond waved as hard as he could. Success! The large ship arrived
on time. It lowered a rope into the water and took up Roshni and Raymond.
Both were greeted by the captain of the ship, “Chips ahoy mate! Why would ye venture
out on such a cold night?”
Muttering his words, Raymond replied “We were traveling and we suddenly found
ourselves at sea. But we are not the only; there are more of my comrades out at sea. Do
you think you could find them for us?”
Stroking his long gray beard the captain looked at his crew for approval. Looking at the
Captain with her beady eyes, Roshni convinced the Captain to do it.
“Yare! I’ll do it!” he said.
The Captain’s crew then went to tend to Roshni and Raymond, giving them Flaish towels
to dry off with, fresh water to drink, and food to eat. And then they went on a look out for
the others.
Out at the sea Eamonn was still under the sea looking for his book. Fatima was with
Harry, and Paul and Wesley were still separated. There was nothing any of them could do
but wait. Swimming against the tides would be foolish and screaming for help wouldn’t
help anyone either. Hence the only logical thing to do was to stay put.

The wizard on the other hand was less hopeful. He continued to look for his book of
spells, going up for air and going back down incessantly. After twenty two dives Eamonn
had finally found his book under the raging sea. Using his staff he drew it toward him.
Taking out magic drying herbs from his bag (which was enchanted by the way), Eamonn
sprinkled it over his book. It was now readable and he had found the sea spell.

The sea immediately became calm once the Wizard chanted the spell. The waters had
now become flat and motionless. The clouds cleared from the sky and the suns shone a
bright yellow. Using his staff, Eamonn went to locate the others. In no time at all the
remaining men in the sea were united.
“What took you so long?!” Harry said jokingly “I almost peed in my pants!”
Ha! Ha! Ha! The men had a good laugh.
“That’s not funny!” Fatima said “I had to hold your hand in the water!” The men had
another hearty laugh…but Harry did not.

“So what’s next?” Wesley said “Wandering in the desert? How about we search for the
promise-land?”
“What? Have you gone mad Wesley?” Paul said.
Wesley replied, “Yes I have.” And all the men had a third hearty laugh!
As they were in the middle of their laugh, a loud noise was heard. It was a trumpet!
“What is that noise?” Wesley asked. “Look up!” Eamonn said.
Above their heads was the ship which had rescued Roshni and Raymond. “Hurrah!” they
said. A rope then lowered down into the water to bring them in.

On the boat the men reunited.

“So” Harry said “What do we do now?”
“I don’t know.” Eamonn said “Maybe the captain will take us to the island of Talma. How
about it Captain?”
“Did you say you were going to Talma?” The Captain said.
“Why yes we are” Eamonn replied “We have to destroy this pendant.”
The Captain became wide eyed and left the deck to go into his cabin.
“Where are you going sir?” one of the seamen asked, but he had already walked away.

It was unusual for the Captain to leave so abruptly, especially when he had guests over.
So something must be wrong, but what? The seamen wondered what was bothering the
captain, so one of the head seamen sent a deck scrub to go in the cabin and check on their
beloved sea father. When he got inside he saw the Captain speaking into a cellular phone.
His face was stern and serious; it seemed the Captain was making an important call.
“Excuse me Captain” the deck scrub said “Can I have a moment of your time.”
The Captain only glanced at the deck scrub and shooed him away with his hand.
“I’m busy!” he said “Go away!”
And so the deck scrub left. He went back outside and reported to his superior. The deck
scrub’s superior was perplexed as he. Never had the captain been such a bastard!
Something was definitely up!

After half an hour the Captain had come out of his cabin. He gathered his men and
brought them to the front of the ship away from the now seven heroes. Talking for several
minutes he explained to them what was on his mind.
“Ooing” and “Ahing” the seamen listened with intent; all the while the seven heroes were
clueless of what was going on.

Finally, the Captain and his men were done. They all came back from the front of the ship
and greeted the seven heroes again. But when they got there, all they did was stare at
them. Their eyes gleamed with greed. A moment of silence embellished upon everyone,
and then in a sudden outburst one of the seamen attacked the seven heroes! All the
seamen withdrew their swords and began attacking, slashing and hacking away. But the
heroes were too skilled; the seamen could not lay one blow on any of them. So they
decided to change their plans and they went for Roshni.

The heroes formed a circle around Roshni to protect her. She was helpless. This may have
been too much for her. The heroes continued to fight of the seamen. When the fight was
over the heroes came out victorious. Well that was fast, mostly because of Wesley’s
gun…and Roshni’s grenade.

Oh that was a bad idea the ship was going to sink. Should Eamonn use his magic to repair
the ship? They did rescue him and his men, but on the other hand they tried to kill them.
But why did the Captain and his men try to kill them?
“Why did you try to kill us?” Eamonn asked the Captain.
“I was having financial troubles” the Captain said “The sea-lords were going to evict me
and my crew. I needed the money. You see, there is a price on your head. The Queen is
still looking for you and she offered 10 million wompars for the capture of you all. And
well I panicked. I’m so sorry. Now I have nothing and my men are soon to be dead.”

Or are they?! The seamen got up and cleaned themselves of the fake blood. They had all
played one big trick on the Captain. They knew the Captain was in a desperate time and
that he might be rash, so they decided to teach him a lesson. It was a lesson well learnt;
everyone on board had a hearty laugh. The Captain realized how foolish he had been and
was sorry.
“But how did you cause the explosion?” the Captain asked Eamonn and his men.
“An illusion” Eamonn said.
The Captain was definitely impressed. Never had anyone played such a clever trick on
him. Too bad the Captain looked like an idiot. Well, all’s well that ends well. So the
Captain made a resolution with the heroes. He promised to take them all to the Island of
Talma.
 Chapter 5 – Journey to the Centre of the Darkness

Exhausted from the long trip to the island, the men drudgingly boarded upon land.
Stretching and moaning and groaning the men complained of the foul smell. Its stench
was so strong that the flowers wilted and the animals hid away. It was so horrible that it
made Harry throw up. The Captain decided not to accompany the men, the stench was
unbearable and he could not stand it. He decided to leave them and so he went back on
ship and waved them good bye. The men waved goodbye back to him and then continued
forward on the island.

As they journeyed on the Island, the weather became increasingly humid and hot. On the
upside they were getting used to the smell. It soon became unnoticeable. While they were
walking through the tropical like forest, a tiny little creature approached them. It was only
five inches tall, but it looked liked a human.

“Hello there” it said.

Shocked that it could talk, the men were speechless. After getting themselves together,
Paul decided to speak to it.
“Who are you?” Paul asked, “Are you friend or foe?”
“Foe” it replied promptly “I am Joshua, keeper of this island.”
Paul scratched his head in astonishment, “How could you be keeper of this island? You
are so small he said!”
“Don’t be fooled at my size” Joshua said “I have incredible powers.”
“If you do” Paul said “Tell us where the head priest of this island is.”
“Let me take you there” Joshua said, and the men followed this little man through the
forest.

Strolling through the forest, the men had a merry time. Joshua showed them all the
different plants and creatures of the island. Pointing to a yellowish green plant with broad
leaves, Joshua explained how poisonous it was and to stay away from it. Even one touch
could incapacitate a foe. It interested the men, particularly Eamonn. The wizard put on
leather gloves and carefully plucked some of the leaves and put it into a sachet.

Joshua led the men around for quite a long time, and Fatima asked what was taking so
long.
“Patience” Joshua said “We’re almost there.”
Finally after many minutes, the little man stopped in front of a lake with a little water fall.
“In there” he said while pointing “You should find a priest behind the falls.”
That was a strange place for a priest to be, but not knowing any better, the men decided to
go ahead. Eamonn raised his staff in the air and parted the water ahead of the fall like
Moses.
The men went into the temporarily parted lake and followed the dry land to the falls.
When they got up to the falls Eamonn chanted another spell and stopped the water from
flowing down. Still dry the men climbed into the cove behind the now dry fall. Once they
were all in, Eamonn tapped his stick on the ground three times and the water began
flowing again.

It was dark in the cove, but the light reflecting off the fall allowed them to see somewhat.
“Use your light spell” Wesley said.
Sifting through his bag Eamonn became exasperated as he could not find the ingredients
for his light spell.
“I’m all out” Eamonn said “Does anyone have a candle?”
“Not to worry” Raymond said “I have a flashlight built into me. Just turn around while I
go get it.”

The men turned their backs to Raymond while he took out the flashlight.
“All done!” he said as he turned on the flashlight.
He shone it down the cove and lit the way for the men. The men all followed behind him
and walked slowly through the cove.

The ground was hard and cold, and each time they walked the floor shook. As Raymond
led the way he suddenly stopped.
“What’s wrong?” Paul asked.
Raymond went down on the ground and spread his body across.
“There’s a gap in the floor,” Raymond said, “Walk on top of me to get across. But wipe
your feet…God help you if you don’t wipe your feet!”
So everybody wiped their feet and walked across on Raymond’s back. Soon everyone got
across, and so Raymond hoisted himself back up and again went ahead of the group to
lead them.

As Raymond continued on bravely through the cave, the men became increasingly
anxious and walked at a slower pace than before.
“Why are you all following behind so slowly?” Raymond asked.
“I’m scared,” Roshni said “How long is this going to take?”
“I don’t know.” Raymond said, “Ask Eamonn.”
“I’m sorry I don’t know,” Eamonn said, “I left my Caves and Coves Bible at home. Who
knows?”
Yes who knows? Nobody knew. This journey grew more and more tedious. Raymond
decided to try and allay everyone’s fears…by singing show tunes! But it didn’t work.

The only song he knew was Old McDonald.

“Would somebody press the eject button on my back?” Raymond asked.
Using his index finger Wesley pushed the eject button on Raymond’s back and pulled out
the previous CD, “Prince’s Greatest Hits.” “That’s not mine,” Raymond said “I swear…”
Wesley smirked with a sarcastic tone, “I believe you Raymond. I believe you.”
Raymond scowled and Wesley put in the Old McDonald CD. The men journeyed through
the cove listening to Old McDonald. It put Roshni at easy as she sang along, repeating
“La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,” over and over again.

Gingerly continuing through the cove, Raymond’s CD began to skip and then it stopped
all at once.
“What was that?” he said.
The floor swung wildly and made all the men fall on their asses.
“Hey, we’re on a bridge!” Eamonn said, “How come nobody noticed?!”
“Well,” Roshni said, “We were all watching Wesley do magic tricks. What were you
doing Eamonn?!”
Eamonn rolled his eyes, “Well if you must know I have ADD.”
Harry was shocked, “Eamonn you have…”
And before he could finish the bridge swung again and threw Harry off the bridge. The
men got up and looked over the side.
“I don’t see anything,” Paul said, “Think he’s dead?”
“Don’t jinx it,” Fatima said, “he might still be alive…Harry?”
“Down here!” Harry replied, “The fall wasn’t that high. In fact I’m on my tippy-toes
touching the bridge with my fingers. I’m a little shocked but I think I’ll manage…Uh I’m
in some kind of goo here. Oh crap. I’m sinking! I can’t move! Help! For the love of God
help me!”

Grabbing Eamonn’s staff, Paul extended it to Harry, “Grab on!” he said.

Harry wrapped his hands around his staff and hung on for dear life. The men held the
other end and pulled with all their might. They kept pulling and pulling but it was of no
use, Harry kept sinking and sinking. The goo was up to his neck and he kept thrashing
around. When all hope was almost lost a huge green hand grabbed Harry by the head and
it pulled him out! It threw him back onto the bridge. Then from the green huge hand
emerged a troll, he came up from the goo and onto the bridge.

The men stood in silence until the troll spoke, “You ruined my gumbo you fool!”
He stood there with an angry look until finally one of them spoke up.
“We’re sorry,” Fatima said “It was an accident.”
The troll scratched his beard and rolled his eyes up, “Well okay see yah.” And with that
he disappeared back into his gumbo.

The men were relieved and they continued to walk to the end of the bridge. Just as they
were about to reach the end the troll popped back up.
“That’ll be 100 Wompars each!” he said.
The men all laughed, they thought it was a joke and they proceeded to finish going across
the bridge.
“I’m serious guys, now pay up. I have to make a living to you know.” It said.
“We’re not paying you 100 Wompars to cross your stinking bridge!” Paul said.
“Well I guess I’ll have to eat you all.” The troll said, “Now who’s first?”
Frustrated Paul took out his sword and slashed the ugly troll right across his face. The
rest watched and awaited the troll’s wrath. It looked angry.

It covered its face…then broke down into tears. The troll was crying! How could such a
large creature be so timid?
“I had a traumatic child hood!” it said, “Geez can’t you guys take a joke?! I wasn’t really
going to charge you a toll!”
Paul felt bad, and the other men leered at him.
“How could you?!” Roshni said as she hugged him.

“But you were going to eat us though?” Eamonn said.

“Only one of you!” the troll said, “I’m only a troll you know. Plus I would have taken the
robot!”
“Hey!” Raymond said “I have a sophisticated A.I. that can accurately recreate emotions
okay! So don’t get me started. Don’t even get me started. Why I oughta open up a can of
robot whup ass! ”
“Easy,” Roshni said “He’s very sensitive. What’s your name Mr. Troll?”
“Jerry…” the troll replied.
“Jerry Maguire!?” Harry interrupted, “Show me the money! Show me the money!”
“Hey let the man, I mean troll speak.” Fatima said.
The troll continued, “Actually I don’t have a last name. I was thinking of calling myself
Jerry O’Connell…but then again I’m not Irish, or Scottish for that matter. Actually I don’t
know the difference. Eh it’s all the same to me….”
Eamonn hit the troll upside his head, “They’re way different you moron!”
Jerry began to cry again.
“Screw this,” Paul said “I’m crossing. Who’s coming?”

The men followed Paul while the troll continued to cry his gigantic eyes out. He wiped
his tears with his blue hair and sobbed and sobbed.
“If you need me,” Jerry said “Just call my name out three times!”
Roshni ran back and gave him one last hug, “Goodbye Mr. Troll I won’t forget you.” And
then she ran back the group waving good bye.
“Geez what a queer,” Fatima said “he really freaked me out.”
“You’re telling me!” Wesley said “I felt like peeing in my pants and throwing up!”
“Come on you guys he’s not that bad” Roshni said “So he’s a little sensitive, no big deal
right? Look at Harry.”
Harry cut in, “You know I had a traumatic child hood!”
“Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Good one!” Wesley said while holding his ribs so his sides
wouldn’t split, “You should so become a comedian!”
Smacking his forehead, Eamonn rolled his eyes. Paul ignored their chit chatting and
moved on ahead bravely. As he continued through the cove the lights went out.
Raymond’s flashlight batteries had went out.
“No problem!” Raymond said. He pulled a crank out from his side and began to wind it.
After a minute the batteries were fully charged.

Raymond turned on the flashlight and a hideous creature appeared. It had wings. And it
was tall as two wizards and as wide as two warriors. It had golden scales all over its body
and a long snout that breathed fire. The creature opened its mouth and revealed razor
sharp teeth and a long pink tongue. Its breath reeked like a garbage dumpster, this
creature definitely had halitosis. All the men but Eamonn were taken aback.

The wizard dropped some coins into its mouth and climbed on top of it.
“Get on top” Eamonn said “It’s just a transport dragon. It’ll take us to where we want to
go.”
“Where to bub?” the dragon said.
“Let’s go out to the lobby!” Wesley exclaimed, “I mean could you take us to the head
priest on the Island of Talma?”
“Sure thing,” the dragon said “I’ll have you there in no time.”

“Hey,” Roshni said “How come you have a New Yorker accent?”
“I was born there.” It said, “Actually I’m a crocodile. I used to live in the sewers but I got
plastic surgery.”
Roshni didn’t seem that surprised, “Well how did you get here?”
“Same way you did, through a portal.” It replied.
Roshni said no more, and the men were off. The dragon spread its wings and began
flapping them at a rapid rate.
“Here we go!” Roshni shouted. The dragon hovered in the air and turned around towards
a dark tunnel. And zoom! Off the men went into the tunnel on top of the dragon.

Using his fire-breath the dragon lit up the tunnel and he flew through with ease, dodging
rocks and boulders like a bat.
Wesley leaned his head over the dragon and threw up, “I always get sick on dragons.”
The men just stared up at the ceilings while the dragon continued through the cove
tunnels. Wesley’s throwing up was really grossing them out but they distracted
themselves with other things. Paul sharpened his sword. Harry sharpened his axe. Fatima
tightened her bow. Raymond changed his oil. Eamonn read a book. And Roshni did a jig.

By the time they were all finished, and when Wesley in particular was finished, the ride
was over. The dragon stopped and crouched down to let everyone off, “Go through
there.” it said.
The men stepped off the dragon and stood before a large brown door.
“Here we go,” Raymond said, “this is it.”
The dragon, being a New Yorker scoffed at the men, “What no freaking tip?!”
“I got a tip for you,” Paul said “Don’t ask a former dragon slayer for tips.”
The dragon turned around “Fine yah cheapskate!” and it flew away.
“Now,” Fatima said “where were we? Ah yes, the door. Quickly open it.”
Paul grabbed the handle and yanked it open. The other rushed through. They looked both
in astonishment and contempt.

It was another damn village! Just when they thought things were going to get easy they
have to now journey through another sticking village!
“Damn it!” Harry said, “Where are we now?!”
Stretching his eyes out like binoculars, Raymond looked around.
Upon the hill he saw a sign, “Lester Village”. “Looks like we’re in Lester Village”
Raymond said.

“Damn it!” Harry said.

“What’s wrong with Lester Village?” Roshni asked.
“It’s full of drunks and prostitutes.” Harry replied.
Wesley hopped out of the cove and into the village.
“This is my kind of town!” he said.
While Wesley hopped around, the men cautiously approached the village. It looked
innocent enough. The place was spotless and clean. It was actually beautiful. There were
flowers along the neatly paved road and tall fruit trees everywhere. The houses were
round and made from straw and all looked a like, and they were all neatly lined up and
had perfectly cut circles for windows. The place even smelt wonderful. It reminded
Roshni of Canada.

While Wesley frolicked through the destitute village the other men were greeted by three
beautiful prostitutes. The first one was very slim. She has long black hair, hazel nut
brown eyes. The second one was very curvy. She had long brown hair, and green eyes.
The third was combination of the other two, slightly slim but yet still curvy. She had
blonde hair and blue eyes.

All the men stared at the third lady and grew intense with immoral.
Just before any of them could act upon their emotional reason, the first one approached,
“One night of pleasure, only a 1000 Wompars…” The men were quickly dissuaded by the
high price, so the second one approached. “One night of pleasure, only 800 Wompars…”
Then finally the third one approached, “Only 100 Wompars…” Then she gave them a
subtle wink.
“No way are you guys sleeping with these harlots!” Fatima retorted, “We’re not here for
schmooze fest. We’re here to find the head priest!”
The men realized how foolish they were being so they put their wing-wings back into
their pants. Raymond on the other hand was tabulating the amount of disease these three
girls had and had been too preoccupied to take out his wing-wing.

“Hey,” Roshni said, “Where’d the blonde go, or Wesley for that matter?”
Both of them had disappeared, it seemed very coincidental or very suspicious. Elsewhere
Wesley was trying to get it on with the blonde.
“Gee,” Wesley remarked, “I never thought I’d get such a great deal.”
It was now go time. Using his little hands he ripped the blonde’s clothes off and began
doing his hanky panky. He pulled out some crushed herbs and gave them to the prostitute.
“I think these are aphrodisiacs.” Wesley told the prostitute, “I got them from my friend’s
stash. Here take a few.”
The blonde opened her mouth and put some of the stuff on her tongues. Her eyes rolled
back in her head and her tongue flopped out, drooling all over her self.
“Man I must really be good!” Wesley thought to himself.
So he kept on going but then he soon realized that something was wrong. The blonde was
as stiff as a board.
“Hey lady you awake?” Wesley said.
His pupils dilated with fear, it was very clear this blonde board was now a stiff. Picking
up his pants Wesley ran out of the straw hut as fast as he could while simultaneously
shouting a cowardly scream,
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!”

The men stared at Wesley’s bare ass and pondered what debacles he had gotten himself
into again.
“What’s wrong with you Wesley?!” Harry shouted.
“…Nothing, nothing at all!” Wesley said in panic.
The other two prostitutes ran into the straw hut to see what had happened. When they
came out they were holding the body of the blonde in all her mummified glory, with her
eyes rolled up and her tongue aside her mouth. The body was heavy and the two women
dropped their comrade on the floor and she rolled down in front of Wesley. Scratching his
chin once again, Eamonn contemplated for a little while. Then upon scratching his chin
he scratched down town.
“Did you take any herbs from my bag Wesley?” Eamonn asked.
“Just these,” Wesley said presenting Eamonn the herbs, “they’re aphrodisiacs right?”
“No my friend,” Eamonn replied, “it is, or rather it was poison.”
While Eamonn scolded Wesley, Raymond was on the look out.

His danger meter was going off the scale. Now wavy lines were coming out from his
head.
“Run!” Raymond shouted. There were a hundred drunkards rolling down the hill…and
they were armed! The men ran as fast as they could and Raymond took Roshni on his
back. The mob was quickly catching up.

The drunkards kept shouting obscenities and catch phrases, such as

“She was our only affordable hoe!” and “I’m drunk!”
All this running irritated Paul he wanted to stay back and fight.
“No!” Harry said “You’ll get yourself killed! Don’t stay back!”
“No!” Paul said with a thundering voice “It is my duty as a warrior to kick ass!”
And with that, Paul stayed behind to fight the drunks while the rest ran through the
village looking for safety.

The rest of the men soon found safety while Paul continued to maintain his ground. In the
factory, where the men were staying, they all pondered what to do. Should they stay or go
back? Wesley puffed his chest up and stepped forward.
“Raymond should go!” proclaimed Wesley, “He’s only a freaking robot!”
Raymond contemplated. All he could come up with was hitting Wesley upside the head.
“Ouch that really hurt!” Wesley proclaimed.
Then they proclaimed they better think of a better plan. While the men put their heads
together to think of a plan Paul was building his rage, planning to release it at the right
moment.

Being a “rage-oholic” Paul knew how to harness the power of his emotions into one huge
ball of domestic violence. Lifting his trusty sword in the air Paul summoned the power of
the gods.
But being that he didn’t believe in the gods he swung his sword around like a wild man,
“Stay back!” he shouted.
The drunkards were taken aback temporarily but not being able to feel the pain from the
amount of alcohol they consumed, they quickly piled on top of Paul. Nothing could save
him now…not even a convenient plot setup to create suspense. With the circulation of his
blood being cut off, the lights grew dark…mainly because there were so many people on
top of him, but not due to his lack of oxygen. It doesn’t make sense…but anyways, with
his last bit of strength he penetrated his arm through the pile of drunkards and made a last
fist in rebellion.

While Paul was slowly dying the men were relaxing in the factory, totally and entirely
forgetting about this brave young warrior. At the factory, of unknown origin, Roshni
remarked how parched her throat was so she asked for a drink. Looking around Fatima
found nothing. The place was drier than a son of a beach. Raymond used his x-ray vision
to look around for some cool liquids. Scanning the place he located a pipeline flowing
with mysterious liquid, probably alcoholic liquid. So in haste Harry took his axe and
cracked it open.

Beer! It was wonderful Canadian beer! It was coming out of the pipe at a rapid rate far
faster than any of them could drink it.
“Keep drinking!” Wesley shouted, but none of them could keep up. The beer kept coming
out and out. Soon the factory was full of beer ‘till it could hold it no longer.

In the meanwhile Paul had passed out. Just when all hope was lost, a brownish yellowish
tidal wave came flowing down from the hill. It crashed upon the drunkards and swept
them off their feet and away from Paul. It was beer! Sweet Canadian beer! Like cats on
milk the old drunk men gathered to the spots where the beer had pooled. In no time they
quickly passed out forgetting about any previous events in their life. Following the tidal
wave were the rest of the men who came to Paul’s rescue.
“Oh sorry we forget about your buddy,” Wesley said “I swear it was all Fatima’s fault.”
Paul was still knocked out so Roshni gave him mouth to mouth. Then he awoke! And
then his head fell back down.
“Air is not enough,” Eamonn said “We must fill him with the life force.”
Tilting Paul’s head back, Eamonn opened Paul’s mouth and squeezed beer into it from his
clothing. Soon he awoke.

“We were so worried about you!” Roshni said.

The rest nodded. Paul got up and trudged around for a bit, spouting Welsh profanities
(though he had never been there). Also he was not born of earth. Anyhow it was quite a
mystery…but in an hour or two the effects of the tasty Canadian beer had worn off. The
group was back to normal. Wesley celebrated by firing his guns into the air…killing
many innocent birds. But coincidentally that was what the men were going to have for
dinner. They grabbed some dead birds and took shelter under a large tree, and lit it on fire
to cook their birds.
“Tasty!” everyone remarked (also they noted how it tasted like chicken).

As they sat down enjoying their meal a large man came out from nowhere. He
approached the men. Though he was large, there was something unusual about him. He
was brown, but that wasn’t that abnormal, but he had green hair. Which if looked at
properly resembled leaves.
“Excuse me, did you seven burn down that tree?” he asked.
Harry stood up staring this guy right in his woody eyes, “Why yes I did. So what’s it to
you?”
The man, who was not a man but rather a creature, stroked his leaf covered chin slowly.
Twiddling his thumbs Eamonn pondered at what this thing had wanted. Then he realized
it was nor thing nor man, but a tree. It was a bloody tree! A bloody walking talking tree!
Before anybody could grasp what this tree man was feeling, Harry swung his golden axe
into its leg.
“What the hell is your problem?!” the tree man asked. In a blinding rage he curled his
twiggy branches into a ball and swung furiously at everyone sitting around the campfire.

Everyone split up and ran in different directions, the abrupt behavior of this tree man had
scared them away.
Foolishly Harry kept hacking away at the tree, “This will make good fire wood!” he
retorted. While Harry had seemingly gone mad, the others decided to hide for their lives,
not running, because running was too strenuous.

Anyways, Roshni and Fatima hid together up in a tree, while Raymond and Paul hid
under a rock. Eamonn on the other hand had merely turned himself invisible. And last but
not least Wesley jumped into a hole.
Now it was all up to Harry. Using all his mighty dwarf muscles he kept hacking into that
tree like there was no tomorrow. Speaking of which, it was tomorrow. The suns had risen
and in a glorious twist of fate Harry’s golden axe had magnified the intensity of the suns’
light and set the tree man on fire.
While the tree man ran around with his leaves on fire Harry laughed a glorious laugh of
triumph, like this “Ho! Ho! Ho!”
Too bad he didn’t know how to stop drop and roll eh? Well ‘twas funny to Harry but there
was a serious problem to come. While the tree was looking for water to douse his flames
in, he ran into the forest and set more trees on fire. Then so on and so on.

Eventually the whole forest was ablaze in flames and the whole sky looked like the
blistering pits of hell. After the entire ordeal was over the men came out and saw that
nothing was left from the trees but ashes, sweet, sweet ashes. In a high coincidence, the
priests were walking in the forest to collect ashes for Ash-Wednesday. The gods were
good to them. But there was still the matter of the homeless creatures. Without a forest
where would they live and eat? I don’t know, don’t ask me. I’m sure something would
come up but for now we just have to wonder.

Yes and wander they did. The men wandered through the burin forest to see what a
horrible tragedy they had caused. Or rather the horrible tragedy that Harry had caused. In
short the animals of the forest formerly known as Lush Forest were very angry. In fact
they were seeking revenge. Revenge I tells you! Luckily they were too stupid to know
who did it. Their mental capacity could not comprehend the emotions that were
synonymous with most humans. Actually the men weren’t really humans. Nor were they
all men. Roshni was clearly a woman. Fatima, it’s still questionable, but there’s definitely
something wrong with this picture. What was I writing? Ah yes the men were definitely
in deep shellac. The forest fire had created a smoke signal and brought unwanted
attention, which I might add was very unwanted.

The fire had brought the attention of the local police men or as they’re commonly known,
pigs. These pigs were very pissed off. Being that they were on their round cake break it
made them even more peeved. They had to come all the way from the mountains on
winged dui-bobs! The pigs were in a whomping mood they were. When they arrived at
the forest they saw the men standing there totally speechless. Eamonn tried to speak for
the men but nobody could see him. So the men were left without words.

Why couldn’t the others speak? Well you see Eamonn is a master of Rhetoric! When he
was a young little wizard he learnt the magic of coherent argument. It was taught to him
by his father who was the head wizard at the school of Bog-warts. And his father was
taught by his father, and his father by his father, and his father by his father, and his father
by his mother. Yup, it definitely ran in his blood it did.
In any case the men were screwed, for without Eamonn to act as advocate nobody could
delegate what would happen. In short it was time for a chicken run! Before the pigs could
get to them, Raymond transformed into a car and everyone hopped into him. Vroom!
They were off. Luckily the forest fire created a clear path for them, so they could now
drive through the forest. Despite this speedy getaway the pigs were way ahead of them
(vehicle wise). Their dui-bobs could easily match Raymond’s land speed.

I must say though, these dui-bobs were quite strange creatures. They were neither bird
nor fish nor groundling. Rather, they were a strange combination of all three. The dui-
bobs were a result of an experiment gone wrong. It all began with a mad scientist named
Mr. Atlantis.

Atlantis worked for a gigantic corporation known as Magna-cola, and he was proud of his
job. He was the head of research and had seniority within the company. To his dismay his
job was not entirely secure, the company was merging with another corporate giant, and
they had hired an efficiency manager. This lawyer fired thousands of workers and was a
ruthless cunning bastard. The lawyer, whom we will call Larry, was adamant about
making cut backs. Larry didn’t care about how many people he hurt.

Knowing this, Atlantis was afraid of losing his position within the company. So he had a
great idea, or so he thought. Being the mad scientist that he was, he tried creating a real
living replica of the Magna-cola mascot, Moby-penis. Again to his dismay the creature
could not be made, instead he created some horrible freakish creature. He named it the
dui-bob. The dui-bob’s were very strange. They had huge jagged wings. Their feet
resembled that of an earth kangaroos and their hands looked like largely blown-up human
hands. Their faces were the strangest though. They had the eyes of blow fish and the jaws
of a Siberian tiger. Their tongues were as long as their bodies and their skin was white
like snow, but rough as sand paper. Though these creatures were hideous the marketing
team found a use for it and eventually made Mr. Atlantis a rich bitch.

This story isn’t really relevant, but it was important that you know how hideous these
creatures were. The site of them made grown men cry! Luckily the men were no ordinary
men. So they did not fear the pigs on dui-bobs and they maintained their composure. Also
Roshni and Wesley were shooting at them, the pigs that is. While the pigs followed
closely behind the men were coming up with a plan to escape.

Too bad though. They were so distracted by the pigs that they accidentally fell into a
creature pit. And with that, the pigs had caught them. Wearing their tight rainbow
uniforms they proudly tied the men up and threw them onto the mother dui-bob and took
them to a nearby holding facility.

The men had never been in a holding facility before. It smelt, the walls had feces all over
it, and puddles of yellow liquid were coupled all over the floor. The detainees literally
lived in their own waste.

Amongst the detainees were various criminals. To name just a few there was, Jonnie the
Homo-cidal maniac, Buzz the Chainsaw killer, Jack the Offer, and CEO of Microsoft
William Gates Jr. (a.k.a. the big software bopper [a.k.a. Bill Gates {a.k.a. the Earth’s
wealthiest man}])
Little Roshni was quite surprised that Mr. Bill Gates was in jail, especially on another
planet.
So she asked him in a timid voice, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE
MAN?!”
“Me?” he questioned back.
“Yes you!” Roshni said, “Why are you here? Furthermore how the hell did you get here?”
Clearing his voice Bill answered in a calm and rationale manner, “I HAVE NO CLUE
YOU MORON! GET ME OUT OF HERE!”
Again, in anger, Paul drew his sword to Bill’s neck “Don’t talk to her like that or I’ll stick
my sword straight up your nerdy ass!”
Bill knew he was beat and backed down, answering Roshni’s question in a calm and
rationale manner (really I swear), “I was stalking you, alright! I have a fetish for brown
chicks! Are you happy now? Now get me out of here!”

“Wait,” Wesley said “So how come you’re in jail?”

“Because I’m an idiot your freaking moron!” Bill quipped, “I have no idea. They put me
on some bogus charge for stealing windows XP from them!”
Touché Mr. Gates, touché…The men (Fatima, Roshni, Paul, Harry, Eamonn, Raymond,
and Wesley) put their heads together to come up with a plan (to escape!).
“I’ve got an idea,” Wesley said, “Why don’t you just use your magic Eamonn?”
“Sorry,” Eamonn said, “But the pigs confiscated my stuff. Those fat bastards!”
“I know,” Wesley said, “How about we get Fatima and Roshni to put on cocktail
dresses!”
“And then seduce the pigs right? And knock ‘em out right!?” Harry said.
“Sure…” Wesley said all shifty-eyed.
Roshni looked in her purse, nope no cocktail dresses. There must have be a better way to
bust out.

Bill Gates had a plan. They would ‘till the guards were asleep and then wake ‘em up.
Then the girls would call out to them in a seductive voice and make suggestions to them.
“That’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard of in my life!” Eamonn said.
But since nobody else had any better plans, they decided to go with Bill’s plan. Soon
night time came and the pigs were fast asleep.
YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Harry kicked Jonnie the Homo-
cidal Manic in the testicles, making him scream like a little girl. The pigs woke up.

The plan was beginning to work; they definitely looked dazed and confused.
Fatima and Roshni did a Hawaiian dance swaying their hips back and forth, “This is a
dream you jackasses! Oooooooooh! If you don’t give us the keys your head will fall off!”
Being dumb pigs, the pigs threw their keys at them. Fatima and Roshni picked the keys
up and opened up the plasma gate.
“Yes!” Bill Gates exclaimed as he ran to a computer.
Typing away at the keyboard he created an E.T. program to get him back to the good ol’
U.S. of A.
“Are you douche bags coming?” he asked.
“No we’re on a mission,” Roshni replied, “But when you get back tell my parents I said
hi!”
“Will do!” Bill said, and with that he was gone in a blink of an eye.
The hyper space USB port sucked Bill Gates in and safely transported him through the
internet to his billion dollar mansion.

“Oh my God!” Roshni said.

“What is it?” Harry asked.
“I left the stove on!” she said, “I should have asked him to turn it off!”
“Meh!” they all said, “Meh!”
Roshni was a bit upset, but she had much larger trouble on her hairless shoulders, the pigs
were beginning to fully wake. So quickly the men ran out of the building and jumped
onto a sport utility dui-bob.

When the men hopped upon the S.U. dui-bob, they realized nobody knew how to use it. It
was so large, and huge, and long, and quite hard, quite hard. So what to do? Why what
else of course, refer to the Junior Wood-beavers guide! Luckily, in spite of their luck,
Harry had one of these, such guides on him. Pulling the guide out from his hard hat, the
Dwarf frantically searched for the pages on how to fly S.U. dui-bobs.

No such luck the pages had been torn from the page! Where was it?
“Hey guys!” Fatima yelled out, “Look what I made!”
It was a paper crane, how very nice the men thought. But upon second glance they saw it
was the pages of which Harry was looking for.
“Give me that!” Harry said as he snatched away the paper crane.
He then opened it and read the given article.

Fatima hung her head low. Harry felt bad so he decided to scan the papers into robot
Raymond and gave her back her paper crane.
“Thanks,” Fatima said in quiet voice “I love you!”
WHAT! Fortunately what she said was quite inaudible and nobody heard it. The ride now
would not be ruined with sexual awkwardness. Or would it?! No it would not for the men
were already off in flight with stout Harry as their captain.

Guiding the mother dui-bob Harry went in and out of clouds, swooping up and down,
swirling and twirling through the air, leaving the pigs far behind. This was making
everyone sick though; quite sick indeed, so sick that Paul threw up all over everybody.
Yuck! Eamonn took out a rag from his bag and wiped his face off. Raymond simply
turned on his windshield, I mean eye wipers. The stench was horrendous it had gotten
everywhere, even under the wings of the creature.
“Stop the car!” Roshni shouted, “I can’t take the smell!”
Using her commanding New Yorker voice Roshni made Harry take the dui-bob down to a
nearby water hole (despite being in an abhorrent situation!).

As he guided this monstrous creature down to the water hole, Wesley noted a peculiar
smell.
“I smell something funny!” Wesley told Harry, “Maybe you shouldn’t land here!”
“Don’t be silly mate,” Harry told Wesley, “There’s nothing here but water. Anyways, I
farted.”
Okay too much information thought Wesley, but that wasn’t it. Wesley had smelt his farts
before and this was definitely not that kind of smell. Nonetheless Roshni coaxed Harry to
continue landing the dui-bob.

Hovering over the water, beating its wings tirelessly, the creature landed atop the water.
Lowering their heads to the water the men drank the water ‘till their stomachs were full.
When they were done Harry decided it was time to leave, but Paul suggested they take a
bath before they leave and then rest for a bit, seeing that there was no harm in that so
Harry took the dui-bob near more shallow waters and landed it there. They all took their
clothes off and took a dip in the water. The water was lukewarm and was invigorating as
they poured it all over their hot sweaty bodies.

Paul, Harry, and Wesley stared at Roshni and Fatima. To their disappointment they could
not see a thing.
“Raymond,” Paul said, “Can we use your scanning device?”
“No way,” Raymond cried, “stop being perverts!”
It was worth a shot. Harry then asked Eamonn if he could do a spell so they could see
underneath the water. Eamonn was taken aback somewhat, but he reluctantly agreed and
did a spell for the men. As Paul, Harry, and Wesley stared at the girls, one of them felt a
hard nudge on their leg.
“That’s really gross,” Paul said to Harry, “keep it down!”
Scratching his forehead with one finger Harry wondered what Paul thought was so gross.
Out of curiosity Harry looked around to see what Paul was squawking about.

As he did, he saw something nudging Paul’s leg. It nudged it once then nudged it twice.
Paul kept shouting out profanities but then realized it was not his two comrades.
Clearly their “units” were in place.
“Hey,” Paul said, “Who keeps touching me?”
Wesley shrugged his shoulders “I don’t know.”

There was definitely something wrong, now all of them felt a nudge on their leg. Harry
jumped back and put his clothes back on. He then grabbed his axe, wielding it in the air.
“Stand back!” he cried.
Then with a sudden burst of energy he rushed back towards the water and struck what
kept nudging them.
“That should do it, right?” Harry asked unrequited.
Paul and Wesley seemed anxious, something was still wrong.
They all felt a rumbling in the ground. Then out from nowhere came out a large pink
creature! It had no eyes, no mouth, but appeared to be a snake. It went high into the sky
and then whipped back down around the dui-bob! In a blink of the eye it was gone! It had
disappeared into the middle of the water hole.
“Let’s get the hell out of here!” Eamonn cried.
And all the men began to run away.
“But wait,” Paul said, “What about our clothes and equipment!”
He ran back into the water hole to get the men’s items.
“I’m coming!” Harry cried out.
And he followed behind Paul. Paddling in the water, Paul and Harry dived down to get
their things. A few minutes passed. They resurfaced and said they could not find
anything. They both swam back to shore, but as luck would have it the water hole spit
their clothes and items up back into the air. Everyone ran to get their things. Quickly they
suited up and they ran away.

After running away they found themselves in the middle of the forest.
“Thank god!” Eamonn said, “That was damn close. We could have been eaten by who
knows what!”
Just as he finished his sentence, Harry saw the same pink creature from the lake.
“Why look at that!” Fatima exclaimed “A pink snake!”
The “pink snake” went up slightly and down slightly. Then it went left to right, and right
to left. Circling around in semi-midair it pointed straight outward. It went back a little
and then disappeared.

There was silence among the men and sighs of relief. Then out of nowhere it popped up
from the ground and whipped it self around the men! Squeezing them tightly it dragged
them back to the waterhole! Acting quickly Paul took out his dagger and stabbed the pink
creature several if not hundreds of times. Nothing! It seemed to heal it self instantly!
Wesley took out his gat and tried shooting the horrid “snake”. Nothing! Raymond took
out his pneumatic whip and lashed it around a tree.

Holding it as tight as he could, he held the creature in place for a while, but his robotic
joints were not well lubricated and he let go of the whip.
“My favorite whip!” he cried. Fortunately for him he had another whip, but alas it was
not pneumatic. A spell would be in place Eamonn thought, but alas he could not reach his
bag, for the creature was well wrapped around his arms and his wizard limbs were not
strong enough. The men struggled frivolously (those fools) but in no time they were
dragged back to the water hole.
Chapter 6(66) – Big Beast Belly

Click! Click! (Raymond turns his flashlight on)

“Where are we?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” Eamonn called back, “It’s still bloody dark in here! Kife! Hey is
everyone alright?”
“No!” Fatima said, “I’m in some kind of translucent goop here!”
“You’re telling me!” Harry remarked, “I’m up to my dwarf knees in goop here too!”
“Alright calm down everybody!” Eamonn commanded, “Where’s Roshni, Wesley, and
Paul?”
“Down here!” Paul called out, “I think I found a way out of here. Shine your flashlight
over here Raymond!”
Paul pulled his sword out from his sheath and plunged it into the wall…The place began
to rumble.

“I’m scared!” Roshni screamed.

“It’s okay,” Wesley said, “Hold me!”
Roshni opened her mouth slightly but could not reply to Wesley’s strange request, for she
had suddenly been thrown back by a violent shake. Eamonn sat down calmly and
contemplated a plan to escape. But first they had to figure out where they were!

“Raymond,” Eamonn asked, “Where are we?”

Using his radar, Raymond concluded, “We’re inside some sort of creature.”
Tapping his chin ever so slightly Eamonn figured out which beast they were in.
“We,” Eamonn said, “are in a Hymengina.”
What is a Hymengina you ask?

The Hymengina are an ancient creature of the underworld. Its species is over a million
years old and has been unchanged since. This strange creature is a very rare sight to see
though, there are only 100 or so left on the planet. Many of these creatures disappeared
due to air pollution. Air pollution created acidic rain which in turn dripped into the
mouths of the Hymengina, hence killing it.

The Hymengina is an enormous creature which disguises itself as a waterhole. So when

unsuspecting creatures go for a drink there, the Hymengina eats it, consuming it whole. It
uses its long pink tongue to hold the creature captive and sends it to its stomach. There
the poor unfortunate creature is slowly digested; the stomach acids slowly eat away at it.
Though, if the creature can find its way out of the Hymengina it can escape virtually
unharmed. The acids are very mild. Creatures eaten usually die of starvation first. Not
much more is known about the Hymengina but that it is a long tube like creature that can
extend for a long distance, so it is believed that escape is nearly impossible.

Though, that didn’t deter the men though from escaping. For they knew, that if they died,
the fate of the universe would be quite iffy. And they didn’t want that on their mind
before they died! So Eamonn deduced that it would be a good idea for Paul to keep
hacking away at the beast’s insides. He gave him thumbs up.

As Paul kept hacking away the rest just sat down and waited patiently.
“It’s quite smelly in here,” Wesley said, “Why don’t you use a spell to get us out of here
Eamonn?”
Clearing his throat Eamonn told Wesley why he couldn’t…..................
Wesley made a note of this. The men waited patiently while the beast roared in pain and
spun around.

An hour passed and Paul was still hacking away at the creature’s insides. Then another
hour passed by, then success! The gallant warrior noticed a peak of light coming through
the lining of the Hymengina’s stomach. Exhausted, Paul put his sword down and put his
eye against the hole. It was small, really small. A warrior, dwarf, or even a wizard of
proper size could probably not fit through. There was only one whom was small enough
to fit through the hole.
“Roshni,” Paul called out, “could you do me a small favor and stick your head through
that hole?”
Roshni was reluctant but she knew it was their only way out, so she did it anyway.

Tying her hair back in a ponytail fashion Roshni stretched the hole out with her arms and
put her head through. She looked up and saw dark clouds looming over head, but other
than that, the proverbial coast was clear.
“What’s going on up there?” Eamonn asked. Wesley sloshed through the intestinal goop
of the creature’s stomach and made his way to Roshni, “Alright you can come down
now!” She didn’t say anything. Wesley asked what the matter was but there was no
response.
Finally she cried out, “I’m stuck! Help me! The creature’s clotting, the stomach hole is
closing! Help me quick!”
Panicking the men grabbed Roshni’s legs and tried pulling her down, but when she
wouldn’t budge they pushed her up. And out she came! The hole continued to close, so
Roshni looked down one last time to assure them she was alright. She even reached her
hand down to touch Eamonn, but when the Wizard looked, it went as quick as it came
and disappeared. Peeping through the hole, Harry noticed Roshni’s absence. Something
had taken her! He looked again. Oh no! A winged thing had taken her.

The rest began to panic again. Using all their weapons at once they hacked away at the
Hymengina’s lining. Wailing out, Eamonn took his staff and raised it to the gut of the
creature. His staff was glowing like no other time and its light pierced the eyes of the men
(except Raymond, he’s a robot)! Then the men were taken aback by a humongous blast!
TADOOM! A hole was made, just large enough to fit one man at a time.

“Hurry up and get through!” Eamonn shouted.

The men scooted through as quick they could while Harry hoisted them up. One, two,
three, four, and five were through. Now it was the stout dwarf’s turn. He squatted down
and then leaped through the hole!

Now out of the hole and all sticky he began to wipe himself off. As he brushed his head
he noticed he forgot his hat. So he jumped back in and got his hat. The hole was closing
quickly, but in the last second he jumped out! And now the Hymengina was fully closed.
“That was close,” Wesley remarked, “We thought you were dead. Actually you know, it
reminded me of that movie ‘Indiana Jones’ you know the one we watched in New York.”
“Indeed” Harry replied as he placed his hat back onto his head (actually it was really a
helmet).

“We must get Roshni back!” Fatima exclaimed, “She was my only female companion.
And Wesley doesn’t count. So I say we get her back promptly. Though she is merely an
Earth human, she has become quite the play mate for me. If we don’t get her back I shall
keep nagging you guys.”
“I’m tired!” Eamonn said, “Let’s rest for a while!”
“No you dumb-asses! The Winged Thing is getting away!” Fatima shouted, “For holy
fuck sake you fat whores get off your fat asses!”
“Don’t worry Fatima,” Raymond said, “I threw a homing device on her. Let’s just take a
rest. I know you mortals like that stuff.”
Sighing loudly Fatima gave in and the men decided to camp in the Babushka trees.

The morning soon came and the men slowly awoke.

“That was the best night of sleep I ever had!” Harry exclaimed, “But shouldn’t we be
going after Roshni now?”
“Yes,” Eamonn said, “We should. She does have the pendant…OH CRAP! SHE DOES
HAVE IT! LET’S MOVE OUT!”
Hastily the men packed up their belongings and got down from the Babushka trees. “…
To the Hamptons!” Paul shouted.
Leading the pack Raymond ran as fast as his robot legs could carry him, shouting,
“This way!” and “That a way!”
Blindly the men followed him around in circles. Only after a few minutes did they realize
they were going around in circles. Retracing their steps they went all the way back to
where they came from. Bending down Fatima reached towards the ground and picked up
a peculiar item.
“Hey!” Raymond said, “That’s the homing device I put on…”
The robot then realized his mistake. Kife! How were the men to find Roshni and the
pendant? I don’t know you’ll have to find out later because this is the end of this book.

THE END

Just Joshing…
The men were not done yet! The wizard had something up his sleeves. Looking in his
sleeves he found a time reversal spell. So he decided to reverse time and make sure that
they chased after Roshni the next time ‘round. And that they did…

(A page or two back)

“What’s going on up there?” Eamonn asked, “Tell Roshni to give me the pendant!”
Wesley sloshed through the intestinal goop of the creature’s stomach and made his way to
Roshni, “Alright you can come down now! Oh and Eamonn says to give him the
pendant!”
She didn’t say anything. Wesley asked what the matter was but there was no response.
Finally she cried out, “I’m stuck! Help me! The creature’s clotting, the stomach hole is
closing! Help me quick!”
Roshni tried getting to the pendant so she could throw it to Eamonn but she could not
reach it. Panicking the men grabbed Roshni’s legs and tried pulling her down, but when
she wouldn’t budge they pushed her up. And out she came! The hole continued to close,
so Roshni looked down one last time to assure them she was alright. She even reached
her hand down to touch Eamonn, but when the Wizard looked, it went as quick as it came
and disappeared. Peeping through the hole, Harry noticed Roshni’s absence. Something
had taken her! He looked again. Oh no! A winged thing had taken her.

The rest began to panic again. Using all their weapons at once they hacked away at the
Hymengina’s lining. Wailing out, Eamonn took his staff and raised it to the gut of the
creature. His staff was glowing like no other time and its light pierced the eyes of the men
(except Raymond, he’s a robot)! Then the men were taken aback by a humongous blast!
TADOOM! A hole just large enough to fit one man at a time was made.
“Hurry up and get through!” Eamonn shouted. The men scooted through as quick they
could while Harry hoisted them up. One, two, three, four, and five were through. Now it
was the stout dwarf’s turn. He squatted down and then leaped through the hole!

Now out of the hole and all sticky he began to wipe himself off. As he brushed his head
he noticed he forgot his hat. So he jumped back in and got his hat. The hole was closing
quickly, but in the last second he jumped out! And now the Hymengina was fully closed.
“That was close,” Wesley remarked, “We thought you were dead. Actually you know, it
reminded me of that movie ‘Indiana Jones’ you know the one we watched in New York.”
“Indeed” Harry replied as he placed his hat back onto his head (actually it was really a
helmet).

“We must get Roshni back!” Fatima exclaimed, “She was my only female companion.
And Wesley doesn’t count. So I say we get her back promptly. Though she is merely an
Earth human, she has become quite the play mate for me. If we don’t get her back I shall
keep nagging you guys.”

“Yes let’s go!” Eamonn said, “We can’t rest, not even for a while!”
“Yes you dumb-asses! The Winged Thing is getting away!” Fatima shouted, “For holy
fuck sake you fat whores get off your fat asses!”
“Don’t worry Fatima,” Raymond said, “I threw a homing device on her. Let’s just take a
rest. I know you mortals like that stuff.”
“No you didn’t!” Eamonn said pointing, “Look there’s the homing device on the floor!”
“That’s my bad!” Raymond said, and he picked the device up again and threw it onto
Roshni this time.
“Now can we take a rest?” Wesley asked.
“No! No!” Eamonn said, “We must go after her! Quick you lazy bastards follow me!”
Raising his staff in the air again and speaking in tongue, the wizard drew a cloud down to
the ground. Then sweeping his staff over it he made it solid.
“Get on!” he said.
Hesitantly, the men got on the cloud foot by foot. When they were all on Eamonn
commanded the cloud to follow Roshni and the Winged Thing.

Pacing behind Roshni and the Winged Thing on their cloud the men shouted out to
Roshni, “Get yourself free and we will catch you!”
Looking down made Roshni’s stomach churn but at the advice of her mates she tried to
get herself free. Struggling Roshni tried to kick herself free, but the Winged Thing was
too powerful. Going on bended knee, Fatima took out an arrow and placed it in her bow.
Using her tiny muscles she sprung it back and released it with the utmost aim. It went
right into the crook foot of the creature, but nothing happened, it did not even flinch. The
creature looked back briefly and then in a sudden moment shot itself up vertically.

Speaking to the cloud Eamonn shouted to the cloud, “Up, up, and away!”
In a thrice moment the cloud shot itself up as well taking ‘suit of the horrid creature. The
men clung on to the cloud for dear life as it took them up into the stratosphere. Frost
formed around Eamonn’s beard, but he kept following. The Winged Thing was now
shivering; ha it couldn’t take the cold! So in a swift movement the creature took a nose
dive and headed back down to Cyanooda. It was diving, and it was diving fast. As the
cloud followed it down the men were in tears, the wind was so great and the heat was so
hot. Fatima’s legs began to chafe.

It was indefinite that the cloud could not keep up with this Winged Thing for it was far
too fast. Nonetheless there was no option but to follow Roshni. There were two reasons.
One Roshni was their friend. Two Roshni had the pendant.
Done and done. In short, it had to be done.
The Winged Thing had the stamina of an athlete on steroids, this thing was never going to
stop…well until it ran out of steroids and then its body began to atrophy and it turned into
a woman. But that wasn’t going to happen soon! So the men continued to follow this
tireless bastard and eventually they were reaching somewhere.

They looked below and saw a city of gold, literally. The streets and all the buildings were
golden. This could only be one place! It was the City of Gold! Yes this was the city where
the Evil Queen stayed. She loved gold; she was absolutely obsessed with it. In fact there
was a story.
“Yeah what was the story?” Wesley grinned.
I’m getting to it! And the story goes something like this…

Once upon a time lived a very old man, a very old man was he.
He was so old, so old, he could not even pee.
Though he had become old, so very old, he still had one obsession that which was gold.
Everyday he lay in bed thinking about gold, gold to fill his house, gold to fill his
kingdom, gold to pay of his credit card bills.
But still though, even though he had so much, he wanted much more, perhaps a golden
touch?
When he was asleep he was visited by a fairy, she took him outside and followed up with
a query,
“Why old King do you love gold so?”
“Because,” the King answered “So I could do it without paying for another hoe!”
The fairy shook its head, then it sent him back off to bed,
“You will get your wish old King, your soul will be made of gold.”
The next morning when the King awoke, he was shocked, but he still spoke,
“My whole room is made of gold, what a delight, oh what a delight, maybe I should
check to see if everything is right!”
So he got up and walked around and he touched everything he could, he got so excited so
excited, that he even got morning wood.
“Alas!” he said “Now I will be one rich bitch. Oh joy to the heavens I will be richer than
William Gates!”
The fool ran around and waved to the butler saying “Lates!” Off the garden he went
touching everything.
Look at him sing! Oh look at that dumb-ass sing! He does not even know a thing!
When his daughter came up to him he gave her a hug, but then later he exclaimed “What
the fug!”
She turned into gold; she was so hard and cold!
The king cried and cried…but being a dishonest man he lied. “She’d probably have died
anyways! There’s no use doing nothing. But nothing is worse than something.”
Then he figured that he was too senile to make coherent speech, so he went to the evil
queen and he thought she was the hottest babe he had ever seen.
So when he went up to her he proposed that they be wed, but instead she treated him like
dirt and stuffed him into a shed.
The Queen was mean and bold and she made the King turn the city into gold.
The Queen became obsessed with gold and soon even the old trees were gold.
“We can’t live off of gold!” the people cried, but the queen was stuck and she certainly
didn’t give a puck.

So in short, everything was shiny, but alas nothing was tiny. One day while in the shed
the king got lonely, so he went on solely.
He stuck his hands in his pants and did a funny hand dance.
But he had accidentally turned himself into gold.
Oh the poor fool; now he was no longer considered cool.
Yes the queen was sad so she out him in her bathroom, and then she said “meh” and left
to eat a ‘shroom.

That is the end of the story.

“Oh is it really?” Wesley said, “Because it sucked!”
Before Wesley could finish, the cloud landed in the City of Gold. The Winged Thing
gently put Roshni in its mouth and proceeded to the Queen’s Spiral Palace. The men
continued to follow the Winged Thing but it was well aware of their presence. It was only
after a short distance that the Winged Thing began to become angry. It dropped Roshni
out of its mouth and spit a glob of sticky mucus on her (everywhere but her head). She
was stuck to the ground and could not move no matter how much she struggled. The
beast approached the men slowly; they decided it was now time to use a portion of their
cunning…no all their cunning!

They all had a plan in mind. Huddling together they whispered inaudible comments and
ideas to each other. It was decided what to do. Sifting through his bag Eamonn took out a
smoke bomb; he then lit the fuse and threw it at the beast. The smoke filled the area and
made everything pitch black. The Winged Thing spun around in dismay.

When the smoke finally cleared the men were nowhere to be found.
Neither Harry, nor Paul, nor Wesley, nor Raymond, nor Fatima, nor Eamonn were
anywhere in site.
The beast turned back around. Roshni was gone! Nothing was there but a pile of
translucent goop! Sticking his nose into the mucus, the beast smelt it.
He could smell dwarf…Flaring his nostrils and huffing smoke from its nose the Winged
Thing became infuriated.

Roaring and humping and jumping in the air, it pounded the ground with its feet! Like a
fool it exhausted all of its energy, so it ran out of breath and had to lie down. Panting for
air its chest went up and down. Things seemed quiet, nothing the matter. Yes it was
quiet…too quiet, like something was going to happen. But nothing happened yet. The
Winged Thing was still there, lying on the floor. Man is he out of shape. It probably
should go on the slim fast diet or something.

Wait I think something is going to happen. Hey keep it down. Keep on reading. I see
something! Oh no, nothing at all…

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ATTACK!”
Paul shouted. While the beast lay on its back each man attacked the beast with a ferocity
that had never been seen before. Fatima used as many bows as she could and shot them at
the beast from head to toe. Harry hacked away at its legs, while Paul attacked its head.
Wesley shot his guns at will and Raymond lassoed its wings.

Eamonn went garbanzo on it and was actually on top of the Winged Thing, pounding
away at it with his staff. It was a full onslaught attack. Roshni on the other was up in a
tree trying protecting herself; for she still had the pendant with her.
While the men went “ape-shit” it brought the attention of the people from the town.

The beast got back up on its feet and swung its mighty tail around. Whoosh! Whoosh!
The men were beaten down with its tail. Whoosh! Whoosh! Again and again it kept
knocking them down. Each time they took to their feet it bashed them down.
Desperately the men went “ape-shit” again and attacked the beast as hard they could. The
beast was unaffected. Finally Eamonn got tired. He sat down and watched everyone else
do their thing, so to speak.

Using Harry’s Junior Wood-beavers guide Eamonn looked up why the Winged Thing
couldn’t be defeated. Reading as quickly as he could he discovered an odd fact, it read,
“The Wing Thing is an immortal beast, it is a creature of the Queen. It can neither be
pierced nor burnt but only tamed.”
And with that Eamonn commanded the men to stop. Knowing that the Wizard was all-
knowing they stopped. The Winged thing kept swishing its tail around and trying to hit
the men, but light on their feet they dodged the creature like nothing.

“What,” Harry asked, “should we do?”

Eamonn replied, “There’s nothing we can do but tame it. Somebody must be strong
enough to hold it down.”
Hearing that, one of the city folk came up to them, “I hear you’re in a bit of trouble, do
you need any help now?”
Scoffing Paul said “I think we’re strong enough!”
Jumping up and down Paul glared at the stranger.

He then took of his shirt and revealed his rippling muscles.

“I am son of Arnold!” he said “I have the strength of ten warriors! Let me help you!”
Still dodging the Winged Things attacks, Paul decided to let him give them a hand, “Bah
okay just hurry up!”
This man, this son of Arnold, grabbed the Winged Thing by its tail and lifted it high into
the air. Grunting he jumped high up and slammed it straight into the ground, head first.
The beast was now tame and in the ground. It could not move at all.

“Ha! Ha! Ha!” the man laughed, “How’d you like that?”
Paul just crossed his arms while Harry went to greet him.
“Hello!” Harry said, “That was mighty impressive son, what’s your name?”
“Mark!” he replied.
“How would you like to join us?” Harry said, “You would be of some use.”
“What’s in it for me?” Mark asked.
“Nothing,” Raymond said, “But you do get to be part of the group!”

Resting his hand on his face he thought to himself for a minute.

“Nothing you say?” he asked.
“Yes nothing.” said Raymond.
“I’ll do it!” Mark replied. So with that, Mark joined the men on their journey.
 Chapter 7 – In Nobody I Trust

Since the men had caused such a ruckus the Queen was out on the look for them. It was
of dire importance to them that they get out of sight. Luckily Mark knew the City well
and he knew a place where they could hide. The men cautiously followed Mark and tried
their best to blend in with the crowd.
It was difficult; the men stuck out like a cow on top of the barn. However the city folks
said nothing. The Queen was very oppressing and nobody showed loyalty to her, lest she
forced them to. She was a very evil and wicked woman, but she wasn’t always like that.

When the first King was alive the Kingdom ran well and the people were never hungry.
Now they were impoverished and in angst every single day. But the people knew one day
that the Queen’s reign of terror would be over. It was written in the scriptures that a band
of men would triumph over her sinister ways and a new King and Queen would be
enthroned.

“Here’s the place,” Mark said, “I hope you like it.”

The men looked into the large golden hut and noticed a hole in the ground.
Pointing to the hole, Fatima asked Mark “What’s that for?”
“That’s where you’ll be staying!” Mark said.
“How can we stay in a hole?” Wesley asked “Isn’t it a little small?”
Mark laughed, “No it’s a tunnel. It leads to a much larger place.”

Eamonn wiped his forehead of sweat and gave a “phew!”

Paul was still curious, “Not to insult you or anything Sir Mark, but why is your place so
meager? All the buildings in the city are relatively luxurious, but you have a hut. And it’s
all the way deep in a jungle type setting. It’s hidden away from everyone.”
Clearing his throat Mark replied, “Ah you noticed. Well Warrior Paul, I live here to avoid
paying the Queen taxes. She takes 70% of your money both directly and indirectly.
Nobody knows I live here, they all think it’s an abandoned hut.”
Yes stick it to the man Mark!

But now the men became inquisitive and wondered what it would be like down the
tunnel. So they all decided to go on in. One by one they each crawled into the hole. It was
a might small at first but the further down they went it became larger and larger.
While they were going down the tunnel, Roshni remarked, “You know we’ve lost sight of
our mission somewhat. Isn’t it of utter importance that we destroy this pendant
immediately? We shouldn’t be dilly dallying around this city so close to the Queen and
the Queen’s palace. She could capture us at anytime. Right now, in this here tunnel.
There’s not time for rest!”

“Oh Roshni,” Mark said, “That’ll never happen. And anyways, why should you guys be
hit with all the burden right? You should be able to relax once in a while! I mean you
already tried going to the Island of Talma to destroy the pendant and it didn’t work out.
So relax for a bit ‘till you can get back there again!”
Eamonn stopped for a moment, “How did you know about that?”
Mark shrugged his shoulders, “It’s a gift I guess. Anyways keep going we’re almost
there!” The men without hesitation continued, they were tired and hungry; they needed
the rest.
It was not long before the men had reached the end of the tunnel. They all came out and
dusted themselves off. The men were certainly impressed. The room which they were in
was quite large.
“Wow,” Wesley said, “You’ve done quite well for yourself Mark! What do you do for a
living exactly?”
Mark cleared his throat, “It’s funny you ask, I work for the Queen.”
Paul shouted out, “You what!”
Then the Queen’s men came rushing in through the doors. Without hesitation the men
looked back to the tunnel and headed toward it, but Mark was blocking it.
“Move aside!” Eamonn commanded.
But Mark just stood there, “I’m afraid I can’t do that!”
“But why?!” Roshni asked.
“Well for one,” Mark said “You’d escape! Also I have to pay off my student loans. Now
if you don’t mind I have to go.”
And with that, Mark left the room. It was now only the Queen’s men and “The Men”

“Brace yourself!” Eamonn said.

Spreading his arms out like a bird, the Wizard chanted a spell. It went something like this,
“Yayayayayammayammayammanananabaddadoodahoohahaohmamaweredead!”

Clearing his throat, ahem, Eamonn told the Queen’s men that if they did not release them
they would be turned into frogs.
“I used to be a Wizard!” one spoke up, “And that is not a real chant. Ha! Do your worst!”
Eamonn held his stick tightly and scratched his head, “Well it looks like you’ve won…”
An awkward silence now filled the room. A few minutes passed.

The Queen’s men just stood there with their swords in their hands.
“Well,” one of them spoke up, “Now what?”
“I don’t know” the other replied, “You know I don’t really like the Queen. She’s quite
bossy and mean.”
“Well,” the other said back, “I guess we should capture them.”
“Alright Jeeves.” he replied. .

The Queen’s men walked slowly toward them, very slowly. Yawn! They all went, and
then they fell to the floor and fell asleep.

“What happened?” Fatima asked.

Smiling the Wizard replied “I did a sleepy spell. Take that Queen!”
So the men headed back to the tunnel, but to their surprise it was sealed off. The thing
had collapsed. There was no other choice than to go into the Spiral palace.

The Spiral Palace was huge, it was a humongous maze. It had twists and turns galore. If
one was not familiar with the place they’d have certainly got lost. Though it was made
like this for a reason, the reason being so the Queen could protect herself from
trespassers. But another reason was to torture peasants and with the occasional war,
prisoners of war. Many of the ones who were unfortunate enough to be thrown in the
middle of the Queens Spiral palace would often die of starvation and hunger. Thus that is
why it smelt like rotting carcasses in there.

Anyway, it was a horrible bind to be in, but there was a well known legend. It is said that
there was one man who escaped. He discovered the secret of the palace and how to get
out. Now it was lost though because apparently the man had died; minutes later after he
escaped the palace he fell down a ditch, broke his leg, and got gangrene.

Nonetheless Eamonn was not going to let this happen to his friends, so just in case they
were to get lost, he tied a string to his foot and attached it to one of the Queen’s men
sleeping in the room with the tunnel. That would help, I suppose, but what if they woke
up and the string was cut? Then what? Then nothing they would all be dead and the rest
of this writing would be ended in tragedy.

Speaking of tragedy, the men became lost. The string was chewed off by a rodent of
unusual size. This infuriated the Wizard, a lot. Eamonn ran after the rodent and caught up
with it. He stepped on its tail, turned his staff around, lifted it in the air, and then with full
force drove it down (down onto the ROUS). Splat it went! It splat all over everyone! The
blood and guts were everywhere, everywhere I tell you. It was on the ceiling, on the
floor, on the walls, everywhere, even in the room where the door was closed. It was that
bad! Everyone wiped their face off in disgust.
“There,” Eamonn said, “Now if we get lost you can accompany us in death.”
Paul threw up; he had never seen so much blood.
“Now what” Paul said, “Are you going to keep it?”
Thinking to himself for a while Eamonn said, “Yes, yes I will. It’ll make a good souvenir
of our journey.”
So he picked up the ROUS and put it in his bag.

After that the men continued on their way. They went around and around and around,
until finally they found out they were going in circles. They knew they were by the blood
stains from the ROUS. This time they had a better idea, they would leave something
behind from wherever they had been. What to leave behind though? Looking into his bag,
Eamonn wondered what he could leave behind: Eye of Habash-himash? No. Leg of
Pigusmaligus? No. Hairs of Pundahey? No. Leaves of Cralkolash? No…Then what could
he leave behind?
“I know,” Wesley said, “I’ll just shoot wherever we’ve been! See that way we’ll know
we’ve been there if there are bullet holes or bullet shells there.”
It was agreed, Wesley would shoot each place where they had been. While walking,
Wesley was having a fun time shooting but everyone else was bored. The only one
actually paying attention was the Wizard. Paul was looking at himself in his sword,
Fatima was combing her hair, Roshni was filing her nails, Harry was sharpening his axe,
and Raymond was playing his Nintendo Gameboy Advance.

After quite some time they began to become weary. Neither Eamonn nor the rest knew
where they were going anymore. There were bullet holes and shells everywhere.
“We’ve walked around this whole place at least ten times!” Harry cried, “Let’s do
something else!”
Everyone else agreed with him. Sarcastically Eamonn suggested they climb the walls,
and then mockingly he pretended to walk up the walls.
Actually, he was walking up the walls! The Wizard had done it, he found a way out! The
way out was up!
“Why hadn’t we thought of this before?” Raymond said as he walked up the wall.

All the rest followed and they were all now walking on the walls!
“This is fun,” Fatima said.
“Look at me I’m Spider man!” Roshni said jokingly as she danced.
Everyone was having a blast. Finally when they reached the top, they stopped to look
around.
“Is this the way out?” Harry asked.
“I think so,” Paul said pointing, “Look there’s a door!”

The men ran over to it and quickly grabbed the handles. It was a very large double door.
It was blood red with big silver metal studs all over it and round golden loop handles.
There was something peculiar about it though, there was a three dimensional face of a
very old and grumpy looking man on it.

The men tried to pull the door open, but when they found they couldn’t open it, no matter
how hard they tried, they finally decided to bust the damn thing down. Harry made
everyone stand back. He swung his axe back and swung it back down onto the door.
Whack! There wasn’t even a dent on the door. Paul pushed Harry aside and took out his
trusty sword. He placed it between the doors and tried prying it open. Ugh! Nothing;
Paul’s sword almost broke though.
“Stop,” Eamonn said, “This is an enchanted door, and it must be opened with magic.”
So Eamonn took out his staff…and began beating the hell out of it! At last, somebody
had a good idea. Wesley and Roshni took out their guns and began blasting at the door!
Ping! Ping! Ping! Many bullets were shot, yet still none of them did any damage to the
door.

Angrily Wesley went up to the face on the door and stepped on it, really hard.
Its eyes opened up and the face yelled out “Ouch you stupid jerk off! That really freaking
hurt!”
Wesley was speechless, but the door continued to talk, “I’m the freaking guardian of this
here door. If you wants to get in you’re going to have to tell me the freaking password
eh.”
“Password?” Wesley muttered.
“Yeah,” it replied, “you freaking idiot, a password. You know like how you freaking
typing in a password to log onto the internet! Eh! So are you coming in here or not,
freaking eh?”
Wesley looked back to the others. They decided to have a group huddle. Huddling
together they whispered ideas to each other.
The huddle was soon over and this time Paul spoke for everyone, “Okay Mister door, we
have a password for you, it’s written down here.”
Placing the piece of paper on its face the password read, “If you don’t let us in we’re
going to kill you!”
Coincidentally the password was correct.
The door let them in, “Freaking hurry up you is letting the heat out!” it said. Quickly they
all went inside.

It was the Queen’s chambers! There was her bed and there she slept. What an evil
woman, but what a babe at the same time.
“Look at all that TNA” Wesley said while sighing, “Just wasted.”
The men peered around the room looking for an exit. They could not find one. Quietly
they crept around the room looking for a way out.
Whispering Paul said to the men, “I think I found something!”
He pointed to the Queen’s bed. Underneath it was a trap door.
“This must be her emergency exit or something,” Paul said, “Let’s check it out.”
Slowly walking toward the bed the men slid underneath and went through the trap door.
Eamonn being the largest went last, he bent down to get underneath the bed but he
slipped and fell, making a loud thud noise! THUD!

The Queen awoke!

“Who dares to disturb my beauty rest she!” she cried; then she got out of bed and called
for her knights.
The Wizard’s mouth was left agape while he stood there like a statue, “I, I, I, I, I, I” he
muttered but nothing else could come out.
The Queen stood there with her hands on her hip while the Knights came to her aid,
seemingly to be fabricated from almost nowhere. Underneath the Queen’s bed,
underneath the trap door, Harry peered outside. Almost letting out a scream as he saw the
Knights, Paul swiftly cupped his hand around Harry’s mouth and pulled him back.

The Wizard was finished and there was nothing the men could do, so they continued on
their way. It was the way he would have wanted it.
On the flipside Eamonn was thinking to himself, “Where the hell are those bastards!”
Well it was too late for telepathy now; the knights had already caught Eamonn. They took
him by his limbs and carried him out an invisible door. The Queen followed after them.

Back with the others, the men were exiting the Spiral Palace. They were having second
thoughts about what they did.
“Maybe we should go back for him!” Roshni said.
“No,” Wesley said, “this is how he would have wanted it. That Eamonn is a brave soul he
is. Let’s just bury this stupid pendant in a ditch and be done with it. I want to go home
and eat pizza.”
Paul thought to himself a minute, “Eamonn’s not that brave. For god sake he once
screamed when I put my fingers in his soup! Maybe we should go back for him.”
So it was decided they would go back for him!
“Come on guys,” Fatima said, “let’s blow this popsicle stand!”
And Fatima went back up the hole. Everyone else followed. In no time the men were
back in the Queen’s chambers.
“Where do you think they went?” Harry asked.

Raymond scratched his robot head, “Let me scan the area.”

The robot’s eyes bulged out slightly and after scanning the room Raymond concluded,
“There’s an invisible door over there. Follow me in.”
Raymond then disappeared into nowhere, as did the rest.

“Where are we?” Fatima asked.

“You are in my death sentencing chamber!” the Queen wailed out.
“Good!” Fatima said, “Now go away!”
She then went right up to the Queen and pushed her away.

“What’s going on?” Wesley asked.

“Haven’t you figured it out fools?” Fatima said, “I am the real Queen! I tricked you into
coming here! And that pendant Roshni is holding is really a piece of rock candy on a
string! Moo ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!”
Shocked Roshni took the string out of her pocket and licked it, “Yep it’s rock candy
alright!”

Harry shouted back, “Well we’re taking our Wizard back...you harlot!”
Paul went to Eamonn’s aid and hacked off his shackles. Now that he was free the men
regrouped and huddled together.
“You ain’t gonna kill me!” Wesley protested as he stamped his feet in a girlish manner.
“Yeah,” Raymond said, “You’re heartless! Even more heartless than me, and I’m a
robot…meaning I have no heart! Ha take that you whore!” The men all had a good hearty
laugh.

Just then the Queen took out the pendant and began placed it around her neck.
“No!” the imposter Queen cried as she dived on top of Queen Fatima, “No!”
The pendant flew right out of Queen Fatima’s hand and landed in Eamonn’s palm.
Queen Fatima screamed aloud for her minions, “Minions!”
And in a second hundreds of dead men (or rather undead men) arose from the ground. A
zombie went up to Paul, so he literally took a stab at it, “They’re already dead…I think.
So we can’t kill them!”
Wesley tried shooting at them, “You’re right!”
“Cut their heads off!” The Imposter Queen said, “That’ll kill ‘em!”
Queen Fatima gave the Imposter Queen a back hand, “How dare you!”
The two were now engaged in a steamy cat fight. The men watched Queen Fatima and
the Imposter Queen Fight.
Fortunately Roshni had some sense in her head and she tapped the guys on their
shoulders, “Uh hey remember the flesh eating zombies?”
“Huh?” they turned around, “Oh right.”

Yah! It was back to war! Take that! And take this! Yah! Yah! Yah! Zombie heads were
flying everywhere! Yet there were still too many! The men became increasingly tired.
The Zombies were overpowering them. Even Wesley’s trigger finger became tired. All
hope was lost! Or was it?

Just in the nick of time, Mark entered the death sentencing chamber, “Oh I left my hat…
hey what the!”
Mark saw the beat down broken men and had a change of heart, “That warrior reminds
me of my elder brother who got kidnapped and was never returned. Maybe I should help
them.”
That he did. Ripping his shirt off once again and revealing his bulgy muscles Mark dived
right onto those Zombies. Just like the Hulk he aimlessly smashed and bashed those
zombies, it was no too long before there piles of dead Zombies everywhere. The irony is
that they died twice!

At any rate the two Queens were still fighting. Mark oiled himself up and went in there to
break it up.
Picking each up by the collar he asked, “Are you two done?”
The Queens nodded. Mark put the Imposter Queen down but still held Queen Fatima up.
Speaking to the men Mark asked, “Instead of trying to destroy the pendant, why don’t
you just kill the Queen. Wouldn’t that be easier?”
The Queen nearly shat her self.

“No,” Eamonn said, “That would make us the bad guys. We can’t do that.”
Mark was befuddled, “Just do it!”
Paul walked up to Mark and looked up at him, “You look familiar do I know you?”
Looking down carefully at Paul, Mark said “I believe I know you as well.”
Looking at each other, they had figured it out.
They were brothers! Mark dropped the evil Queen and gave Paul a tight hug, “Oh man I
missed you! It’s been what…20 years!”
“Fatima is getting away!” Roshni shouted. The Imposter Queen gave her a waist tackle.
Ugh!
“Get off of me!” Fatima said.
“You aren’t so tough!” The Imposter Queen said, “Now go to sleep!”
And the Imposter Queen knocked her out with a right hand cross. Whack!

“Bravo!” Harry exclaimed as he went to greet her.

“Hello!” Harry said, “I’m Harry, what’s your name?”
“I’m Dinusha!” she said, “Glad to meet you!”
They both shook hands and Harry introduced her to everyone else.
“This,” Harry said, “Is Paul. That is his brother Mark. This is Eamonn. That’s Ray. That’s
Wesley. And this is Christmas. I mean Roshni.”
“Hello Roshni,” Dinusha said, “So nice to meet you!”
“Lengthwise.” Roshni replied and shook hands.
“So Dinusha,” Roshni said, “What was it like being Queen?”
“Just great,” Dinusha said, “You won’t believe the food they have here. They even
imported food all the way from the planet Earth. It’s a small country called um…
Thailand yeah that’s it. Have you been?”
“No,” Roshni said, “But I hear it’s nice. Speaking of which, you look like me I notice.”
“Is that so?” Dinusha said, “I thought so too. Do you think we’re estranged sisters, like
Paul and Mark but girls?”
There was a short pause, and then an outburst of laughter filled the room, “Ha! Ha! Ha!
No…” Roshni replied.
“I thought so,” Dinusha said.

“Hey guys,” Harry said, “What do we do with the real Queen?”

Eamonn thought to himself for awhile…again, “I know I’ll wipe her memory clean.”
Clearing his throat Eamonn called to Wesley, “Give me your gun please…I’m going to
wipe her memory clean.”
Wesley held on to his gun tightly “These aren’t toys Eamonn. Find something else to
blank her memory with.”

Eamonn thought to himself for a while…

”Okay I got it. I’m going to change her into a dog. This way I won’t have to wipe her
memory clean nor will I have to hurt her. Is that good guys?”
The men nodded. Here we go! Eamonn opened his book of spells, poured some white
sticky residue on her face and chanted this spell
“Imayl laer agod, Imayl laer agod, Imayl laer agod, Imayl laer agod, Imayl laer agod.”

Fatima began to transform. First she began to shrink. Then she became really furry. Then
her limbs turned into dog legs. Then the rest; and the transformation was complete.
“Here you go Dinusha!” Eamonn said, “He’s yours to keep!”
“You mean SHE right?” Dinusha said.
“Not anymore,” Eamonn said, “Not anymore…So what are you going to name him?”
“I’m not sure,” Dinusha said, “How about Brodie? I like B’s. Brrrodie, that sounds good.
How about it guys?”
Roshni rolled her eyes, “Sure Dinusha whatever you want, whatever you want.”
“Are you guys patronizing me?” Dinusha asked, “Because I’m smart you know. Did you
know Buffalo wings aren’t actually made from buffalo? Yah I figured that one out on my
own.”
“Let’s just get out of here,” Paul said as he searched for a way out.
“Don’t waste your time!” Mark said, “You can only get in and out of here through a
portal. Or unless you bust this place down! Ah!”
Then Mark went ape-shit on the place and broke a hole through the wall.
“There you go!” Mark said. The men, along with Dinusha, went through the hole.

Coincidentally Mark smashed down the correct wall, and the hole led them outside back
to the City of Gold. When Mark was outside he leapt into the air and disappeared.
“Aren’t you going to go after your estranged brother?” Raymond asked.
“No Raymond I won’t,” Paul said, “He looks very dangerous. I think he has attention
deficit disorder, hence why he left.”
“You know,” Dinusha said, “I’ve never been outside these walls. Strange as it may be, I
really have no recollection of how I got here.”
“Is that so?” Paul asked, “I find that odd.”
“No really,” Dinusha replied sorrowfully, “I’m not even sure if Dinusha is really my
name. I had a dream about people calling me that so I decided to go by it.”

“I’m curious Wesley,” asked, “How did they choose you to be the Queen?”
Dinusha replied, “I already said I don’t know…I was sleeping in my bed one day and this
guy just asked me if I wanted to be a Queen for a while. So naturally I said okay
whatever. Then there I was on the throne. Of course I knew I wasn’t the real Queen, well
and then you guys showed up. I guess it’s for the better. I was treated well but then again
they always told me what to do and I could never leave that wretched place.”
“Touché,” Harry said, “touché.”
“I’m confused,” Roshni said, “Your story makes no sense at all. Maybe we should
investigate it some more. What about it guys?”

“Maybe later,” Eamonn said, “We first have to destroy this pendant. Hey stop that Ray!”
“Oh sorry,” Raymond said, “I was just playing with Brodie. Uh go on…”
“As I was saying,” Eamonn said, “we must destroy the pendant.”
Dinusha grabbed the pendant, “Oh it’s so lovely. Is that a universe inside there?”
“Yes,” Eamonn said, “it is. We must destroy it. If fallen into the wrong hands it could
destroy the universe!”
“How does it work?” Dinusha asked.
“I don’t know,” Eamonn said, “But if befallen into the wrong hands it could destroy
everything in our known existence!”
Eamonn snatched the Pendant back.

The men continued to walk while Brodie followed behind. While walking, the men
encountered a large crowd of people celebrating.
“What’s going on here?” Paul asked.
“The Queen is gone!” one shouted, “The streets are free again! Wahoo!”
The crowd became increasingly rowdy and naked women were dancing up and down the
streets.
“Let’s get out of here,” Harry said, “These freaks are giving the creeps.”
Wesley whistled for a taxi cab and the men were on their way back to the Island of
Talma. In the cab Roshni struck up some friendly conversation with the driver.
“So,” Roshni said, “This is a pretty unusual cab. It’s so large. It’s at least twice the size of
the ones we have in New York. But I do like the Rainbow colors on the outside.”
The driver turned around, “Why thank you. You’re so nice. Nobody’s every
complimented my taxi cab. I painted it myself you know.”
Roshni nodded, the Cabbie continued to talk, “It costs me quite a bundle. But you know
what’s great this thing runs off of berry juice. Yeah berry juice! It gets great mileage. Hey
you guys thirsty do you want a drink? I got berry juice!”
The men politely declined. Oddly enough Dinusha thought this guy was quite interesting,
she’d never been in a cab before, much less a rainbow colored cab.
“So!” the driver continued, “whose dog is that! It’s so cute.”
“Mine!” Dinusha replied.
“Oh really! You know,” The driver continued, “I used to have a dog just like that. Its
name was Gary. She was a real bitch! Oh I’m naughty!”
Becoming quite irate, Harry told the driver to shut the fuck up.
He did…for a minute!

He kept going on and on.

“Look!” Harry said, “It’s going to be a long trip to the fly port, so just shut the fuck up so
we can get there and then go to the Island of Talma to destroy this fucking pendant!”
The cabbie slinked his body down and said nothing more….until Dinusha started talking
to him again, “You know you have really nice hair Mr. Driver.”
“Really,” He said, “Thanks. I like your hair too! You’re very pretty. Hey you guys said
you were going to the Island of Talma to get a pendant destroyed. Can’t you do it here?”
“No,” Eamonn said, “The priest is a specialist in grey magic. Only he can destroy it. I
don’t know why I’m talking to you about this, but yeah. If he sprinkles special water on it
he can destroy it.”

The homosexual driver put his finger on his chin, “You know you don’t have to go that
far. There’s a priest about two towns over who specializes in grey magic. His name is
Jeff.”
“Hey,” Roshni said, “That’s the name of our priest! Do you think it might be him? Maybe
he moved?”
“I’m pretty tired,” Harry said, “Let’s just give it a try.”
Everyone gave thumbs up, and so the men were driven to the next town, two towns over.

Chapter 8- 2 2owns Over

The Taxi Cab came to a halt. The men had arrived. They got out of the car and waved
the driver good bye. Looking up they eyed the dark tower above them. It wasn’t very
wide, but it was tall and reached up to the clouds. The walls were made of black brick,
and the building was perfectly cylindrical. There was only one entrance to go inside. It
was a small dark wood door with black metal strapping across it.

Wesley stooped down and knocked upon the door. It made a loud yet eerie noise. Birds
whisked away at the sound and flew away into the dark sky. It was quite strange.
Everywhere else was bright yet this tower was shadowed in darkness. The men were not
too afraid for they had encountered stranger things, but this place gave them a weird
feeling. Patiently the men waited for an answer, but nothing. Nobody answered. Wesley
knocked again. Again nobody answered the door.

After waiting for quite some time the men became irritated. Harry decided it was time to
take some action. Placing his left foot above the door for balance he swung his axe back
and plunged it into the door. He then kicked it down.
The dwarf put his head inside and peered around, “Hello! Is anyone home?” There was
nothing but silence; the men decided to go in anyway.

Eamonn looked at the door, “I cannot fit in there, nor can any of you! Only Roshni and
Dinusha are of size.”
The two looked at each other. To win the respect of the others, Dinusha courageously
decided to go inside. It was a tight squeeze but she got in. Getting up from her feet,
Dinusha peered around. The place was dank and cold. If not for the small hole in the
wall, there would be no light. Still it was adequate enough for her to see most of the
place. By what she could tell this priest was a lonely man. The walls were bare and the
floor messy. It was as if this place had been abandoned for years.

Gazing up Dinusha noticed the large stair case which went to nowhere. “That’s peculiar,”
she thought. Out of curiosity Dinusha went to the stairs, there was a small candle before
her, which dimly lit the stairs. Slightly looking back and turning her ear to the door,
Dinusha could hear Brodie barking outside, though the men were still silent.

Maybe they had thought something happened to her. She didn’t want to worry the rest but
her curiosity befell her and the urge to go up the stairs beckoned her. Taking her right foot
she put it upon the first step and then proceeded to the next.
“There,” she thought, “that wasn’t so hard.”
Slowly walking up the stairs she became more gallant until finally she had reached the
top. Nothing was there. Giving a sigh of relief she turned around to go back down the
stairs but still she could not turn away.

On the wall a little brick stuck out. Curiously she pushed at it. The brick slid into the
wall. She stood there for a bit. Just then she heard a rumbling. A painting rolled down the
wall mysteriously. It was Dinusha! Or what had appeared to be her. The painting was
glorious. Despite the poor lighting Dinusha could make out the vibrant colors, thousands
upon thousands of colors. This was one of the most beautiful works of art she had ever
seen. Enamored Dinusha reached out to touch it. But she accidentally fell…right into the
painting!

The unfortunate lass had been sucked into this masterpiece. Perturbed Dinusha shook her
head. Slowly getting up to her feet, Dinusha dusted herself off. Her chin pointed upwards
while she looked in awe. It was a whole new world! How could a mere painting do this?
It must have been the work of magic. But Dinusha was unaware of that. Foolishly she
wandered off.

Though this was a foreign place to Dinusha, she still felt at calm somehow. There was a
certain serene about this new world she had found. Everything seemed happy. It was a
utopia. There were large trees everywhere, bountiful with fruit. Grass was a plenty all
over the ground, even giving off a sweet scent. And up ahead of her was the most
beautiful lake ever. It was like the sky, perfectly blue. The weather was incredible as well.
It was neither too hot nor too cold. The amount of wind was just right. This place was just
right…although something seemed to be amiss. It was absence of life.

As far as Dinusha could see the place, this world, was bare of people or creatures. That
didn’t bother her much though because she was having too much of a good time. This
world was intoxicating. Even the air smelt tasty.

Dinusha continued frolicking around, until a little bird surprised her and landed on her
shoulder.
Blissfully she turned her head to the bird and spoke to it, “Why hello little red bird what
can I do for you?”
The little red bird turned its head and opened its beak, “Run away from here, run far
away as you can!”
She jumped back, frightened that a bird could talk. Dinusha wanted to go back now.
Quickly she turned around and ran as fast as she could. She kept running. Finally she ran
out of breath. Dinusha was in the same spot where she had been before, or had she? She
wasn’t sure.

There were hand prints and knees prints from where she had fallen, but there was no wall
or painting! Panicking she waved her hands around in the air trying to grasp something. It
was hopeless! There was nothing there. Not giving up Dinusha ran around some more,
but she only wasted her energy. She was now stuck in this strange world.

Now giving up, Dinusha went under a tree and squatted down. Sobbing her eyes out she
asked, “Why did I come here?” Out of nowhere a fruit fell on her head. On it there was a
message, which read “Go to the island.”

“What island she thought?” When she looked up, low and behold was an island. It looked
far away but not too far away. Stashing the Pearpple in her pocket Dinusha ran toward the
lake shore.

Conveniently there was a boat for her, with two paddles. Quickly she jumped in and
began paddling. Huff, puff, it was difficult but soon she would find out if it was worth it.
Slowly moving across the lake Dinusha looked into the water. It seemed very calm.
Dipping her fingers into the lake Dinusha felt the water. It was warm and soothing.
“Oh why not,” she thought, “why not go in for a quick dip.”
So Dinusha took off her clothes and took a dip inside the lake. It was so relaxing. The
current rippled through her body and gave her a tingling sensation.
“I could stay here all day,” Dinusha muttered to herself.
Ah, it was so invigorating.

Getting carried away, Dinusha let go of the boat and it got carried away as well. When
finally she had come to realize what had happened the boat was long gone. Now she was
in the middle of the lake with no form of transportation. Panicking Dinusha splashed
around; she had no boat, no clothes, and she was lost. Crying once again, tears rolled
down from her face.

From her cheek the tears went into the water.

“Why are you crying?” somebody asked.
Turning her head out and about Dinusha nervously asked, “Who’s there?!”
“It is I,” the voice answered, “the lake.”
Scratching her head Dinusha answered back, “The Lake?”
“Yes,” it said, “You are inside me.”
Feeling slightly embarrassed Dinusha apologized.
“It is no problem,” the lake said, “I just want to know why you were crying?”

Shyly Dinusha explained her story, “I came in here through a painting and this apple told
me to go to the island. And I took a boat to get there, but I decided to have a dip in you.
Then I accidentally let go of the boat and now I’m stuck here.”
“Is that all?” the lake said, and he created a gentle current.
It carried Dinusha towards the island shore. Dinusha got up and waved the lake goodbye,
“Thank you kind lake.”
But there was no reply.

Happily Dinusha ran unto the island, “There must be an answer here!” she thought.
Looking around for some clues she tripped and fell over a rock.
“Stupid rock!” she cried.
But to her surprise a little package was awaiting in front of her nose. Dinusha grabbed the
package and stood erect. It was no larger than the size of her hand, and was rapped in
brown paper.
“I wonder what could be in it?” she said.

Tearing off the brown wrapping paper, the package revealed a set of clothes. ‘Twas the
clothes she had lost on the boat, except they were miniature.

On the clothes was a little label, which read, “Throw me into the sky.”
Trustfully Dinusha threw the clothes into the sky, and there it expanded. Lightly the
clothes came down and landed on Dinusha’s head. Hastily she put them on. In her haste
she had put her shirt on backwards. Once again she took her shirt off. She put it back on,
but when she popped her head out of the hole there was a statue affront of her.

The statue was enormous, and it stood perfectly erect in front of Dinusha. There it stood
with its hands by its side. The thing seemed to be looking her right in her eye. The stone
sculpture stood there like a silent soldier. In fact it was a soldier. It was dressed in army
clothes and everything. On the base of it was written a message.
It read, “Go to hell!”
What did that mean? What a rude statue it was. So Dinusha kicked it right in its shins. It
then fell down to the ground, but luckily Dinusha moved out of the way. It fell hardcore
with a thud! Dinusha jerked her head around it felt like somebody was watching her. But
of course she could just be paranoid, then again who knows, she is in a strange place.

Then out of nowhere (it’s always out of nowhere) a finger tapped Dinusha on the
shoulder. Anxiously Dinusha turned around. There stood the sexiest man she had ever
seen (note the sexist man SHE had seen).
Trying to open her mouth, Dinusha could only respond with a “Duh hello…”
This character was pleasantly polite, and tactfully he asked “Why madam did you kick
my statue down?”
Stepping back slightly Dinusha curtseyed and replied, “It was an accident. I am Dinusha,
what is your name?”
Placing his left hand behind his head the man replied, “It’s alright. I’m Charles. Say, we
don’t get many visitors to this place…um how do I say this. How did you get here?”

Dinusha explained to Mr. Charles, “Well I went into this weird building to find this priest
guy. But I couldn’t find him. So I pulled this brick sticking out of the wall and I went into
a painting, something like that.”
Charles was quite surprised, “You too?” he said, “That’s how I came her as well. I was
feeling ill so I went to look for the priest, but like you the curiosity got the better of me. I
haven’t found a way out since. Why did you want to meet the priest?”
“Well,” Dinusha went on, “My new friends that I met have this all powerful pendant that
they want to destroy it and so they sent me inside the tower to look for the priest. Then I
ended up here. Also did I mention I don’t know why I’m here? I mean I just found myself
as some substitute Queen. And boo-hoo it’s horrible!”
Charles tried to console her, “There, there, it is okay we’ll find out what’s up with that…
G.”

Putting his hand around Dinusha’s shoulder, Charles led her to a little straw hut,
“Welcome to my home!” he said.
He pulled up a chair for her and they sat around the table.
“You know” Charles said, “I’m a psychic.”
Dinusha rolled her eyes, “If you’re so psychic Charles, then why are you still here?”
Charles explained, “I’m not God okay!”
That shut Dinusha up for a while…for a while.
“Now give me your hand,” Charles demanded, “I shall tap into the spirit world.”
As Dinusha and Charles held hands tightly, Charles chanted, “Aummmmmmmmm…
Aummmmmm…”
This went on for quite sometime but eventually he finished.
“Dinusha,” Charles said softly, “You are not from this world, or the world outside this
world. You are from the planet Earth! And Roshni, she’s your sister! You really came
from New York. You were captured by the Queen’s men and had your memory wiped
clean. They coaxed you into staying in the palace with gifts and what not.”

Her jaw dropped open, Dinusha was in awe, “But why Dinusha, would they go through
all that trouble?”
“Well” Charles explained, “When the men got the pendant, she knew she couldn’t get it
from them outright. So she thought if she lured them to her place she could trap them.
“So” Dinusha asked, “What’s so great about this pendant?”
“If you were paying attention” Charles said, “You’d know that this could have given the
Queen god like powers. But it could have also destroyed the universe. Anyways didn’t
the guys explain everything to you?”
“Yes,” Dinusha replied, “But I had my mind somewhere else. Anyways, get me out of
here.”
Charles thought to himself for a minute. He came up with a plan.

“Here’s what I got,” Charles said, “Just scoop up a bucket of water from the lake and
throw it on the place where you originally came from. That will work for sure. I saw it on
the TV once.”
“How will that work?” Dinusha asked.
“I don’t know,” Charles, “But I already tried everything. Oh but if you do get a portal
open don’t forget to mention me, here’s my calling card.”
He handed Dinusha a card.
“But don’t you want to leave too?” Dinusha asked.
“No” Charles said, “With only me here I pretty much own the place.”
Touché Charles. Dinusha took Charles’ advice. She swam back to the other side and
made a bucket out of twigs.

She scooped up some water with her twig bucket and went back to the place where she
came from. Now standing in front of her old hand and foot prints, Dinusha closed her
eyes and threw the bucket of water in the direction from where she came. It worked! The
stupid man was right! A portal was open. Without hesitation Dinusha stepped through it.
She was now back, on the stairs in the tower. Getting to her feet, again, Dinusha ran
down and left the tower.
As Dinusha crawled out the men watched her.
“Back so soon?” Roshni asked. “What do you mean so soon?” Dinusha asked, “I was
gone for hours!”
“No.” Roshni said, “You were gone for minutes. Anyways did you find the priest?”
“Not exactly” Dinusha said, “But I met this psychic named Charles! He said we’re
estranged sisters from New York!”
Roshni turned her head to Paul, “You’ve been through the same thing; do you think that’s
possible?”
Paul shrugged his shoulders, “sure why not.”
Looking through her purse Roshni took out her cell phone. She dialed her mom.
“Hello mom?” Roshni said, “Do I have a sister?”
There was an odd moment of silence but an answer nonetheless, “Yes you do. I forgot to
tell you though, um sorry. Her name was Dinusha. She was your older sister, but then she
disappeared. We figured she’d just run away so we never asked. Anyways, did you find
her?”
Roshni eyes went wide, “Holy shit mom! Why didn’t you tell me?! How come I have no
recollection of a sister?”
Her mom replied, “Well when you were three we got a divorce. And I got remarried. So
you didn’t know you had a step dad or sister. Oh and then just last week I and your
original father got back together…yeah sorry.”
Roshni was in utter shock.
Then she hung up the phone, “its true Roshni said!” and she gave Dinusha a big hug.
Aw how cute.

So that mystery was solved. Now there was the problem of destroying the pendant.
“We have to find the priest!” Eamonn proclaimed, “It is the only way we can destroy it!”
“Are you sure?” Wesley asked, “Can’t we just try smashing it really hard on the ground?
Who knows what would happen.”
Eamonn gave it a bit of thought; no that would only waste valuable seconds.
Harry had a plan, “How about we just bury the pendant somewhere? Or how about we
throw it in the ocean?”
Eamonn gave it a bit of thought; no that would only waste valuable seconds.
“I know,” Paul said, “Why don’t we just use it?”
Eamonn gave it a bit of thought…”Okay!” he said, and he took the pendant out.
But who would wear it? Would it be Dinusha? Roshni? Eamonn? Paul? Harry? Wesley?
Raymond? Or Perhaps Brodie?
The Wizard scratched his forehead…and then his beard.
“No!” he said, “You idiots!”
Then Eamonn put the pendant back into his bag. The men then got into a huge argument!
Just then the priest came out.
“Hello!” he said.

The men stared blankly

(Except for Brodie, he was running around in circles chasing his tail).
“How do you fit through such a small door?” Raymond asked.
“That,” the priest said, “Is a doggie door. Now what can I do for you?”
Eamonn went into his bag and took out the pendant holding it in the air stiffly.
“Lower it down,” The priest said, “You’re holding it too high I can’t see it.”

Eamonn lowered his arm and the priest went up to it, carefully examining it.
“It’s real alright,” The Priest said, “What are you doing with such a dangerous item?”
“We were searching for treasure,” Eamonn explained “and we found it. Anyways forget
about how we got it just get rid of it for us.”
The priest took the pendant and sprinkled some clear liquid on it.
“You can now smash it,” the priest said.

Eamonn placed it on the ground and prompted the men to stand back. He swung his staff
at the pendant as hard he could. It flew up into the air and came back down.
Everyone looked at it, “Is it broken?” Wesley asked.
It wasn’t. It was entirely intact.
“Well I tried,” The priest said, “I’m going now.”
“No! You can’t go!” Harry said, “Why isn’t the pendant destroyed?”
The priest took a minute to think, “I don’t know, it’s probably indestructible. Why did
you think I could help you anyways?”
“I don’t know,” Eamonn said, “We were told you could destroy it. Ah well whatever.”
The Priest walked away into the darkness.
“Now what do we do?” Raymond asked, “Maybe we should take turns trying to smash
it.”
The men concurred. It was time to give this pendant what is had coming to it!

Harry spit in his palms and rubbed his hands together. He picked up his axe and swung it
down on the pendant as hard as he could. There wasn’t even a knick on it. It just became
buried deeper into the ground. Raymond tried whipping it, numerous times. Roshni and
Wesley shot at it, numerous times.

It was obvious regular weapons weren’t going to do anything. So Dinusha picked up the
pendant and swallowed it.
“What are you doing?!” Roshni cried out.
Brodie barked furiously.
“You wanted the pendant gone right?” Dinusha said, “Now it’s gone…”
The men were thoroughly shocked.
“Don’t worry,” she said, “Nobody will ever know it’s in there. Send me and Roshni back
to Earth and we’ll keep it there. Nobody from your planet will ever be able to find it.”
Their faces lit up,

“That’s a great idea!” Paul said.

They all agreed. Eamonn used his magic to open up a portal to Earth. Roshni and
Dinusha held hands as they walked toward the portal.
They both looked back, hesitantly the girls walked closer and closer to the portal.
“Bye!” they said, and the men gave the girls one last hug.
“Wait!” Harry said, “Aren’t you going to take your dog with you?”
Dinusha had nearly forgotten Brodie, she took her dog up and then they all stepped
through the portal (Roshni, Dinusha, and Brodie). The portal slowly closed. Shedding
many tears the men waved good bye,
“We’ll miss you!” they cried. And with that, the girls were gone…
 Epilogue

The next day…Dinusha woke up, “Yawn.”

“Hey! Roshni!” Dinusha said as she ran up to her sister and shook her, “You won’t
believe the dream I had!”
Roshni rubbed her eyes, “What was the dream about?”
“It was so strange,” Dinusha said, “Something about a bunch of men, and monsters, I
don’t know it was all so weird. Should I explain it to you over a cup of coffee?”
“Alright Roshni,” said.
 The two got dressed and went outside; it was a bright sunny day. They went to the
nearest Star Bucks, ordered a latte and sat down at a table. Dinusha explained her dream
to Roshni. Roshni sat their and indulged in her story…

Epilogue to the Epilogue

“Wow,” Roshni said “I had the exact same dream.”
“Really?” Dinusha asked, “So that’s where that dog came from...oh okay I get it now. So
it really did happen. Well then. I guess I better catch my poop in a cup!”
Roshni and Dinusha just smiled at each other…
THE END?