Say Something

I wish i would’ve said something to help, I could have made a difference if I said

something.

I walked in the lunchroom smelling all the delicious food that was being made. All the

Students talking about their topical day at school. The sound of the cooks scraping the

containers serving food. I went to my seat where I found this girl sitting by herself. She felt

lonely and I could tell in her eyes. Sitting there just toying with her food with a sign of boredom.

She tried to speak to people, but everyone acted like she was nonexistent. I could’ve invited her

over to my table, but I didn’t say a word.

Throughout the day I was in class and she had the same look of sadness on her face. It

was clear she was just wanting a friend to have and to speak too. I felt like I could tear up for

her right then and there.

The teacher said, “Get into groups of 2.”

Everyone was screaming to friends with excitement, ”Hey you’re my partner!”

But she sat there quiet as a mouse, I still didn’t say a word.

The clock struck 3 PM, I was getting food before my game at Subway, I was smelling the

fresh bread, chicken and etc. I got my phone and the cashier said, “Thank you have a nice day.”

I turned to go sit and that same girl walked in and went to the back and sat down alone. I

went and sat down to eat, the clock kept moving for about 5 minutes, then these other kids that

went to our school came in to eat. They were a group of friends just having a good time. They

were joking with each other and screaming. Then, they started whispering to each other. They

were pointing at the girl and then started busting out laughing. She got upset about it and just

sat there depressed while they continued to talk bad about her. I was furious that people could

do that to another person. I sat there with a blank face and continued on like nothing was

happening when I knew I could’ve had done something about it.

 The next day I went to lunch and she wasn’t there at her table. I thought she just

probably didn’t show up that day. Then a week passed by and she wasn’t there at all. I was

curious to where she had disappeared to. Come to find out that she left our school and decided

to be homeschooled because of people bullying her. I then immediately regretted everything

and told myself that I would never do that ever again. I could have invited her to our lunch table

or sat at her table. I could’ve picked her as my partner in class. I could have stood up for her,

but the thing that I will never forget is that I didn’t. I just sat there and didn’t say a thing.

Rubric rating submitted on: 3/7/2018, 7:16:16 PM by danielle.cook@redstreaks.org

5 4 3 2 1 0

Introduction 5 = Fully 4= 3= 2= 1= 0 = No
W.3.a and Demonstrat Attempted to Attempted to Attempted to attempt
Your score: creatively ed demonstrate demonstrate demonstrate made
5 demonstrate Engages ; a couple ; a few ; several Engages
d and orient errors exist errors exist errors exist and orient
Engages the reader Engages Engages Engages the reader
and orient by setting and orient and orient and orient by setting
the reader out a the reader the reader the reader out a
by setting problem by setting by setting by setting problem
out a (conflict), out a out a out a (conflict),
problem situation, or problem problem problem situation, or
(conflict), observation (conflict), (conflict), (conflict), observation
situation, or and situation, or situation, or situation, or and
observation determines observation observation observation determines
and its and and and its
determines significance. determines determines determines significance.
its Establishes its its its Establishes
significance. one or significance. significance. significance. one or
Establishes multiple Establishes Establishes Establishes multiple
one or point(s) of one or one or one or point(s) of
multiple view and multiple multiple multiple view and
point(s) of introduces point(s) of point(s) of point(s) of introduces
view and the narrator view and view and view and the narrator
introduces and/or introduces introduces introduces and/or
the narrator characters. the narrator the narrator the narrator characters.
and/or and/or and/or and/or
characters. characters. characters. characters.
Rising 5 = Fully 4= 3= 2= 1= 0 = No
Action & and Demonstrat Attempted to Attempted to Attempted to attempt
Climax creatively ed demonstrate demonstrate demonstrate made
W.3.b,c,d demonstrate Uses ; a couple ; a few ; several Uses
(1) d dialogue errors exist errors exist errors exist dialogue
Your score: Uses and Uses Uses Uses and
4 dialogue description dialogue dialogue dialogue description
and (characteriz and and and (characteriz
description ation) to description description description ation) to
(characteriz develop (characteriz (characteriz (characteriz develop
ation) to experiences, ation) to ation) to ation) to experiences,
develop events, develop develop develop events,
experiences, and/or experiences, experiences, experiences, and/or
events, characters. events, events, events, characters.
and/or Uses and/or and/or and/or Uses
characters. pacing, characters. characters. characters. pacing,
Uses reflection , Uses Uses Uses reflection ,
pacing, suspense pacing, pacing, pacing, suspense
reflection , and reflection , reflection , reflection , and
suspense foreshadowi suspense suspense suspense foreshadowi
and ng to and and and ng to
foreshadowi develop foreshadowi foreshadowi foreshadowi develop
ng to experiences, ng to ng to ng to experiences,
develop events, develop develop develop events,
experiences, and/or experiences, experiences, experiences, and/or
events, characters. events, events, events, characters.
and/or Sequence and/or and/or and/or Sequence
characters. events so characters. characters. characters. events so
Sequence that they Sequence Sequence Sequence that they
events so build on one events so events so events so build on one
that they another to that they that they that they another to
build on one create a build on one build on one build on one create a
another to coherent another to another to another to coherent
create a whole and create a create a create a whole and
coherent build toward coherent coherent coherent build toward
whole and a particular whole and whole and whole and a particular
build toward tone and build toward build toward build toward tone and
a particular outcome a particular a particular a particular outcome
tone and (e.g. sense tone and tone and tone and (e.g. sense
outcome of mystery, outcome outcome outcome of mystery,
(e.g. sense suspense, (e.g. sense (e.g. sense (e.g. sense suspense,
of mystery, growth, or of mystery, of mystery, of mystery, growth, or
suspense, resolution) suspense, suspense, suspense, resolution)
growth, or Uses clear growth, or growth, or growth, or Uses clear
resolution) transitions resolution) resolution) resolution) transitions
Uses clear frequently to Uses clear Uses clear Uses clear frequently to
transitions help develop transitions transitions transitions help develop
frequently to the frequently to frequently to frequently to the
help develop sequencing help develop help develop help develop sequencing
the of events. the the the of events.
sequencing Uses a sequencing sequencing sequencing Uses a
of events. precise/stro of events. of events. of events. precise/stro
Uses a ng words Uses a Uses a Uses a ng words
precise/stro and precise/stro precise/stro precise/stro and
ng words phrases, ng words ng words ng words phrases,
and telling and and and telling
phrases, details, and phrases, phrases, phrases, details, and
telling sensory telling telling telling sensory
details, and language to details, and details, and details, and language to
sensory convey a sensory sensory sensory convey a
language to vivid picture language to language to language to vivid picture
convey a of the convey a convey a convey a of the
vivid picture experiences, vivid picture vivid picture vivid picture experiences,
of the events, of the of the of the events,
experiences, settings experiences, experiences, experiences, settings
events, and/or events, events, events, and/or
settings characters. settings settings settings characters.
and/or Develops a and/or and/or and/or Develops a
characters. theme and characters. characters. characters. theme and
Develops a weave it Develops a Develops a Develops a weave it
theme and throughout theme and theme and theme and throughout
weave it the weave it weave it weave it the
throughout narrative. throughout throughout throughout narrative.
the Presents the the the Presents
narrative. and narrative. narrative. narrative. and
Presents develops Presents Presents Presents develops
and complication and and and complication
develops s to lead up develops develops develops s to lead up
complication to the climax complication complication complication to the climax
s to lead up and s to lead up s to lead up s to lead up and
to the climax develops a to the climax to the climax to the climax develops a
and clear climax and and and clear climax
develops a or turning develops a develops a develops a or turning
clear climax point in the clear climax clear climax clear climax point in the
or turning narrative. or turning or turning or turning narrative.
point in the Uses point in the point in the point in the Uses
narrative. figurative narrative. narrative. narrative. figurative
Uses language in Uses Uses Uses language in
figurative the narrative figurative figurative figurative the narrative
language in to develop language in language in language in to develop
the narrative the plot, the narrative the narrative the narrative the plot,
to develop characters, to develop to develop to develop characters,
the plot, events, the plot, the plot, the plot, events,
characters, and/or characters, characters, characters, and/or
events, experiences. events, events, events, experiences.
and/or Uses at and/or and/or and/or Uses at
 experiences. least one of experiences. experiences. experiences. least one of
Uses at the Uses at Uses at Uses at the
least one of following: least one of least one of least one of following:
the irony, the the the irony,
following: symbolism, following: following: following: symbolism,
irony, multiple irony, irony, irony, multiple
symbolism, plots, symbolism, symbolism, symbolism, plots,
multiple paradox, multiple multiple multiple paradox,
plots, archetype, plots, plots, plots, archetype,
paradox, flashback, or paradox, paradox, paradox, flashback, or
archetype, stream of archetype, archetype, archetype, stream of
flashback, or consciousne flashback, or flashback, or flashback, or consciousne
stream of ss. stream of stream of stream of ss.
consciousne consciousne consciousne consciousne
ss. ss. ss. ss.

Rising 5 = Fully 4= 3= 2= 1= 0 = No
Action & and Demonstrat Attempted to Attempted to Attempted to attempt
Climax creatively ed demonstrate demonstrate demonstrate made
W.3.b,c,d demonstrate Uses ; a couple ; a few ; several Uses
(2) d dialogue errors exist errors exist errors exist dialogue
Your score: Uses and Uses Uses Uses and
4 dialogue description dialogue dialogue dialogue description
and (characteriz and and and (characteriz
description ation) to description description description ation) to
(characteriz develop (characteriz (characteriz (characteriz develop
ation) to experiences, ation) to ation) to ation) to experiences,
develop events, develop develop develop events,
experiences, and/or experiences, experiences, experiences, and/or
events, characters. events, events, events, characters.
and/or Uses and/or and/or and/or Uses
characters. pacing, characters. characters. characters. pacing,
Uses reflection , Uses Uses Uses reflection ,
pacing, suspense pacing, pacing, pacing, suspense
reflection , and reflection , reflection , reflection , and
suspense foreshadowi suspense suspense suspense foreshadowi
and ng to and and and ng to
foreshadowi develop foreshadowi foreshadowi foreshadowi develop
ng to experiences, ng to ng to ng to experiences,
develop events, develop develop develop events,
experiences, and/or experiences, experiences, experiences, and/or
events, characters. events, events, events, characters.
and/or Sequence and/or and/or and/or Sequence
characters. events so characters. characters. characters. events so
Sequence that they Sequence Sequence Sequence that they
events so build on one events so events so events so build on one
that they another to that they that they that they another to
build on one create a build on one build on one build on one create a
another to coherent another to another to another to coherent
create a whole and create a create a create a whole and
coherent build toward coherent coherent coherent build toward
whole and a particular whole and whole and whole and a particular
build toward tone and build toward build toward build toward tone and
a particular outcome a particular a particular a particular outcome
tone and (e.g. sense tone and tone and tone and (e.g. sense
outcome of mystery, outcome outcome outcome of mystery,
(e.g. sense suspense, (e.g. sense (e.g. sense (e.g. sense suspense,
of mystery, growth, or of mystery, of mystery, of mystery, growth, or
suspense, resolution) suspense, suspense, suspense, resolution)
growth, or Uses clear growth, or growth, or growth, or Uses clear
resolution) transitions resolution) resolution) resolution) transitions
Uses clear frequently to Uses clear Uses clear Uses clear frequently to
transitions help develop transitions transitions transitions help develop
frequently to the frequently to frequently to frequently to the
help develop sequencing help develop help develop help develop sequencing
the of events. the the the of events.
sequencing Uses a sequencing sequencing sequencing Uses a
of events. precise/stro of events. of events. of events. precise/stro
Uses a ng words Uses a Uses a Uses a ng words
precise/stro and precise/stro precise/stro precise/stro and
ng words phrases, ng words ng words ng words phrases,
and telling and and and telling
phrases, details, and phrases, phrases, phrases, details, and
telling sensory telling telling telling sensory
details, and language to details, and details, and details, and language to
sensory convey a sensory sensory sensory convey a
language to vivid picture language to language to language to vivid picture
convey a of the convey a convey a convey a of the
vivid picture experiences, vivid picture vivid picture vivid picture experiences,
of the events, of the of the of the events,
experiences, settings experiences, experiences, experiences, settings
events, and/or events, events, events, and/or
settings characters. settings settings settings characters.
and/or Develops a and/or and/or and/or Develops a
characters. theme and characters. characters. characters. theme and
Develops a weave it Develops a Develops a Develops a weave it
theme and throughout theme and theme and theme and throughout
weave it the weave it weave it weave it the
throughout narrative. throughout throughout throughout narrative.
the Presents the the the Presents
narrative. and narrative. narrative. narrative. and
Presents develops Presents Presents Presents develops
and complication and and and complication
develops s to lead up develops develops develops s to lead up
 complication to the climax complication complication complication to the climax
s to lead up and s to lead up s to lead up s to lead up and
to the climax develops a to the climax to the climax to the climax develops a
and clear climax and and and clear climax
develops a or turning develops a develops a develops a or turning
clear climax point in the clear climax clear climax clear climax point in the
or turning narrative. or turning or turning or turning narrative.
point in the Uses point in the point in the point in the Uses
narrative. figurative narrative. narrative. narrative. figurative
Uses language in Uses Uses Uses language in
figurative the narrative figurative figurative figurative the narrative
language in to develop language in language in language in to develop
the narrative the plot, the narrative the narrative the narrative the plot,
to develop characters, to develop to develop to develop characters,
the plot, events, the plot, the plot, the plot, events,
characters, and/or characters, characters, characters, and/or
events, experiences. events, events, events, experiences.
and/or Uses at and/or and/or and/or Uses at
experiences. least one of experiences. experiences. experiences. least one of
Uses at the Uses at Uses at Uses at the
least one of following: least one of least one of least one of following:
the irony, the the the irony,
following: symbolism, following: following: following: symbolism,
irony, multiple irony, irony, irony, multiple
symbolism, plots, symbolism, symbolism, symbolism, plots,
multiple paradox, multiple multiple multiple paradox,
plots, archetype, plots, plots, plots, archetype,
paradox, flashback, or paradox, paradox, paradox, flashback, or
archetype, stream of archetype, archetype, archetype, stream of
flashback, or consciousne flashback, or flashback, or flashback, or consciousne
stream of ss. stream of stream of stream of ss.
consciousne consciousne consciousne consciousne
ss. ss. ss. ss.

Falling 5 = Fully 4= 3= 2= 1= 0 = No
Action & and Demonstrat Attempted to Attempted to Attempted to attempt
Conclusion creatively ed demonstrate demonstrate demonstrate made
W.3.e demonstrate The ; a couple ; a few ; several The
d problem, errors exist errors exist errors exist problem,
Your score: The situation, or The The The situation, or
5 problem, observation problem, problem, problem, observation
situation, or is clearly situation, or situation, or situation, or is clearly
observation resolved. observation observation observation resolved.
is clearly Provides a is clearly is clearly is clearly Provides a
resolved. conclusion resolved. resolved. resolved. conclusion
Provides a that follows Provides a Provides a Provides a that follows
 conclusion from and conclusion conclusion conclusion from and
that follows reflects on that follows that follows that follows reflects on
from and what is from and from and from and what is
reflects on experienced reflects on reflects on reflects on experienced
what is , observed, what is what is what is , observed,
experienced or resolved experienced experienced experienced or resolved
, observed, over the , observed, , observed, , observed, over the
or resolved course of or resolved or resolved or resolved course of
over the the over the over the over the the
course of narrative. course of course of course of narrative.
the Reflects the the the Reflects
narrative. upon the narrative. narrative. narrative. upon the
Reflects theme(s) in Reflects Reflects Reflects theme(s) in
upon the the upon the upon the upon the the
theme(s) in conclusion theme(s) in theme(s) in theme(s) in conclusion
the to leave the the the the to leave the
conclusion reader with conclusion conclusion conclusion reader with
to leave the a lasting to leave the to leave the to leave the a lasting
reader with message to reader with reader with reader with message to
a lasting take away a lasting a lasting a lasting take away
message to from the message to message to message to from the
take away story and take away take away take away story and
from the apply to life. from the from the from the apply to life.
story and story and story and story and
apply to life. apply to life. apply to life. apply to life.

Mechanics, 5 = Fully 4= 3= 2= 1= 0 = No
Usage & and Demonstrat Attempted to Attempted to Attempted to attempt
Style creatively ed demonstrate demonstrate demonstrate made
W.1.c,d & L. demonstrate Sentence ; a couple ; a few ; several Sentence
1&2 d variety and errors exist errors exist errors exist variety and
Sentence word choice Sentence Sentence Sentence word choice
Your score: variety and is effective variety and variety and variety and is effective
4 word choice and word choice word choice word choice and
is effective sophisticate is effective is effective is effective sophisticate
and d. and and and d.
sophisticate A formal sophisticate sophisticate sophisticate A formal
d. style and d. d. d. style and
A formal objective A formal A formal A formal objective
style and tone is style and style and style and tone is
objective established objective objective objective established
tone is and tone is tone is tone is and
established maintained established established established maintained
and & and and and &
maintained Writing is maintained maintained maintained Writing is
 & clear, & & & clear,
Writing is concise, and Writing is Writing is Writing is concise, and
clear, strong. clear, clear, clear, strong.
concise, and Sentences concise, and concise, and concise, and Sentences
strong. demonstrate strong. strong. strong. demonstrate
Sentences correct Sentences Sentences Sentences correct
demonstrate usage, demonstrate demonstrate demonstrate usage,
correct punctuation, correct correct correct punctuation,
usage, capitalizatio usage, usage, usage, capitalizatio
punctuation, n, and punctuation, punctuation, punctuation, n, and
capitalizatio spelling. capitalizatio capitalizatio capitalizatio spelling.
n, and n, and n, and n, and
spelling. spelling. spelling. spelling.

Comments:
Total: 22/25

Voice comment:
http://talkandcomment.com/p/3be52b2f5378ba936aa4b0ec (voice note)