 introduction

"Interpersonal skills" refers to mental and communicative algorithms

applied during social communications and interaction to reach certain
effects or results. The term "interpersonal skills" is used often in
business contexts to refer to the measure of a person's ability to
operate within business organizations through social communication
and interactions. Interpersonal skills are how people relate to one
another.

As an illustration, it is generally understood that communicating

respect for other people or professionals within will enable one to
reduce conflict and increase participation or assistance in obtaining
information or completing tasks. For instance, to interrupt someone
who is currently preoccupied with the task of obtaining information
needed immediately, it is recommended that a professional use a
deferential approach with language such as, "Excuse me, are you busy?
I have an urgent matter to discuss with you if you have the time at the
moment." This allows the receiving professional to make their own
judgement regarding the importance of their current task versus
entering into a discussion with their colleague. While it is generally
understood that interrupting someone with an "urgent" request will
often take priority, allowing the receiver of the message to judge
independently the request and agree to further interaction will likely
result in a higher quality interaction. Following these kinds of heuristics
to achieve better professional results generally results in a professional
being ranked as one with 'good interpersonal skills.' Often these
evaluations occur in formal and informal settings.
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Having positive interpersonal skills increases the productivity in the
organization since the number of conflicts is reduced. In informal
situations, it allows communication to be easy and comfortable. People
with good interpersonal skills can generally control the feelings that
emerge in difficult situations and respond appropriately, instead of
being overwhelmed by emotion.

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  Social skill

A social skill is any skill facilitating interaction and communication with

others. Social rules and relations are created, communicated, and
changed in verbal and nonverbal ways. The process of learning such
skills is called socialization.

 Social skills among children

It is vital that young children have adult supervision due to their limited
social skills, which can impact their emotional development. Bullying
and peer pressure occurs in young children who are not properly
supervised by adults.

 In Behavior Therapy

To behaviourists, social skills are learned behavior that allow people to

achieve social reinforcement and to avoid social punishment. According
to Schneider & Bryne (1985), who conducted a meta-analysis of social
skills training procedures (51 studies), operant conditioning procedures
for training social skills had the largest effect size, followed by
modeling, coaching, and social cognitive techniques.

 The Need for Social Skills 3

Good interpersonal skills assume even more importance on a social
level. They are the invisible glue which binds relationships together.
Without those skills, we would cause much pain and anguish for our
friends and associates and unhappiness for ourselves. Advance skills
reveal themselves through a readiness to share ideas and resources, to
give credit where it is due, to offer constructive criticism, to enquire
into a person's health or circumstance or even being the first one to say
hello.

Shy people find it difficult to do most of these things because their own
level of self appreciation is often so low they cannot project a
favourable image of themselves or take any genuine interest in others.
The focus is always on themselves as they seek approval without really
having the courage to get what they want. Being pre-occupied with
what strangers are going to think, or how they will be treated, shy
people come to dread every interaction.

 Soft skills 4
Soft skills is a sociological term relating to a person's "EQ" (Emotional
Intelligence Quotient), the cluster of personality traits, social graces,
communication, language, personal habits, friendliness, and optimism
that characterize relationships with other people. Soft skills
complement hard skills (part of a person's IQ), which are the technical
requirements of a job and many other activities.

A person's soft skill EQ is an important part of his or her individual

contribution to the success of an organization. Particularly those
organizations dealing with customers face-to-face are generally more
successful if they train their staff to use these skills. Screening or
training for personal habits or traits such as dependability and
conscientiousness can yield significant return on investment for an
organization. For this reason, soft skills are increasingly sought out by
employers in addition to standard qualifications.

It has been suggested that in a number of professions soft skills may be

more important over the long term than technical skills. The legal
profession is one example where the ability to deal with people
effectively and politely, more than his or her mere technical skills, can
determine the professional success of a lawyer.

Examples of interpersonal skills 5

 Participate in a team (see team building)
 Teach others
 Provide services
 Lead a team (see leadership)
 Negotiate
 Unite a team amidst cultural differences
 Motivation
 Employ decision-making skills
 Employ problem-solving skills
 Observe forms of etiquette
 Engage with others
 Maintain meaningless conversation (small talk)
 Maintain meaningful conversation (discussion/debate)
 Neutralize arguments with timing, instructions and polite, concise
language
 Feign interest and speak intelligently about any topic

 Basic Interpersonal Communicative6

Skills
Basic Interpersonal Communicative Skills (BICS) are language skills
needed to interact in social situations, for example, when speaking to a
friend on the telephone. BICS refers primarily to context-bound, face-
to-face communication, like the language first learned by toddlers and
preschoolers, which is used in everyday social interaction.

We use this language skill in face-to-face interactions, rather than in

dealing with academic tasks.

This term is often credited to Jim Cummins research related to language

acquisition and learning. The other term that is often used in
conjunction with this term is Cognitive Academic Language Proficiency
(CALP). CALP refers to the highly abstract, decontextualized
communication that takes place in the classroom, especially in the later
elementary grades. CALP involves the “language of learning”, which
enables children to problem-solve, hypothesize, imagine, reason and
project into situations with which they have no personal experience. It
is a prerequisite for learning to read and write and for overall academic
success. The implications of the BICS and CALP concepts for children are
that the second language or language of the classroom needs to be
sufficiently well developed for her or him to be able to meet the
cognitive demands of the academic setting.[1] Students typically are
thought to acquire BICS in 2-3 years but take 5-7 years to develop the
CALP needed to be on the same level with their native speaking
counterparts in the classroom.

 How do you develop your

interpersonal skills?
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 Leadership
The process of successfully influencing the activities of a group
towards the achievement of a common goal. A leader has the ability
to influence others through qualities such as personal charisma,
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expertise, command of language, and the creation of mutual respect.
As well as requiring strong Communication Skills and Personal Skills,
 leadership uses the Background skills of mentoring, decision making,
delegation and motivating others.

Mentoring is:
 Being a trusted advisor and helper with experience in a particular
field. Actively supporting and guiding someone to develop
knowledge and experience, or to achieve career or personal goals
(for example, a third-year student mentoring a first year student,
helping to adjust to the university experience).
 A mentoring relationship may be formal or informal, but must
involve trust, mutual respect, and commitment as both parties work
together to achieve a goal.

Decision making is:

 Identifying appropriate evidence and weighing up that evidence to

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make a choice (for example, gathering and assessing information to
find the best way to perform an experiment).
 Taking responsibility for a decision and its outcomes (for example,
choosing a topic for a group presentation from a number of
suggestions).

Delegation is:
 Taking responsibility for determining when to ask someone else to
make a decision or carry out a task (for example, figuring out what is
a fair distribution of the workload in a group project, and sharing
responsibility with others). 10
 Distributing responsibility and authority in a group by giving
someone else the discretion to make decisions that you have the
authority to make (for example, as the chosen leader of a lab
experiment team, you could assign tasks and decisions to different
group members).

Motivating others is:

 Generating enthusiasm and energy by being positive, focussing on
finding solutions and maintaining a positive attitude even when
things are not going well (for example, when something goes
wrong, asking "What can we try now?" instead of saying, "That
should have worked better.").
 Encouraging others to come up with solutions, listening carefully
to their ideas and offering constructive feedback (for example,
gathering suggestions for a group project, and giving each
person's ideas fair discussion).
 Being prepared to support others in taking agreed, calculated
risks, and not blaming others when things go wrong (for example,
one group member's portion of a presentation receives a poor
mark - make sure that this student isn't blamed by the group, and
focus on learning from the mistakes).

 Networking
The ability to actively seek, identify and create effective contacts
with others, and to maintain those contacts for mutual benefit. In
addition to strong Communication Skills and Personal Skills,
Networking uses the Background skills of network building and
motivating others.
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Network building is:
 Creating contacts with other people and maintaining those contacts
(for example, meeting someone at a seminar with similar interests,
and swapping email addresses with them).
 Acquiring and maintaining information about people who might be
useful contacts for specific purposes (for example, seeking out
people established in an industry you hope to work with one day).
 Using a contact in an ethical manner to help each of you meet
specific goals, (for example, collaborating on projects of importance
to both of you).

 Teamwork
Involves working with others in a group towards a common goal.
This requires cooperating with others, being responsive to others'
ideas, taking a collaborative approach to learning, and taking a
responsibility for developing and achieving group goals. Teamwork
uses the Background skills of collaboration, mentoring, decision
making and delegation.
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Collaboration is:
 Working cooperatively and productively with other team members
to contribute to the outcomes of the team's work (for example,
dividing the workload and sharing the results of your own work with
others in the group, or assisting members of the group who are
having difficulty completing their tasks).

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  The Importance of Interpersonal
Skills
A relative once confided rather gloomily that he had been to a party
which was not very enjoyable because hardly anyone spoke to him.
Lacking the necessary interpersonal skills, he clammed up like a
frightened crab, hugged one section of the room and hoped someone
else would make the first move. No one did and he was the loser. Being
frightened of initiating contact themself, he was, of course, ignored.
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Interpersonal skills are essential ingredients of good communication
and social finesse, but they do not come naturally. They are strongly
related to the way we were brought up (whether we were expected to
be seen and not heard), our inner feelings about ourselves, our level of
confidence and degree of interest in others. When such skills are
missing in the home, group or office, it can lead to loneliness,
frustration, non-cooperation and substandard service. Routine skills are
required on three levels: personal, social and occupational. To have
them well-developed means you can communicate verbally, physically
and in writing with far more confidence and assurance.

For example, merely knowing how to use a phone is an indispensable

personal tool. Often people dial a number without any idea of what
they are going to say or how they should address the person at the
other end. Instead, they become the victim of nervousness, they
mumble incoherently and at length while they waste needless time in
their search for information and their desire to be understood. On the
other hand, some receptionists may rudely, or impatiently, respond to
callers in a manner suggesting some surprise that anyone should ring
their number to disturb their peace.

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