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Choose Equipment

THIS TOOK ME ALL Characters can carry 3 weapons, or 2 weapons and a shield. No class
restrictions because fuck that. Now direct your attention to the armor

EIDAMUR ADDITION Weapon Example Damage

Small dagger, sling, rock, bottle 1d4
Ranged bow, crossbow, javelin 1d6
Medium sword, mace, axe, club 1d8
Find Your Race Large polearm, greatsword, spice’s ego 1d10
No race mixing allowed you liberal cuck.
Human Congratulations, you’re +1 damage with Armor Armor Class (AC) Movement (MV)
average. swords and daggers. Unarmored 10 12
Dwarf Small steroidal +1 damage with Leather 12 9
bastards. See in pitch hammers. Chainmail 14 6
dark. Platemail 16 3
Elf/Half- Ethereal beauty. Never +1 damage with Shield +1 -1
Elf sleeps. Creepy as fuck. spells.
Shifter Can turn into a wolf or Animal form twice a
some shit. day. Number of Attacks
Halfling What the fuck is a +1 damage with Try Hards get one extra attack for every 4 levels they’ve
halfling? small weapons. grinded through—probably ignoring the plot while they’re at it.
Half-Orc Big manly half man. +1 damage with No one else gets this, fuck you. Warlocks can use “mage
large weapons. powers” once per turn, even if they’ve attacked or used a spell.
Tiefling Fucking red skin. See Cast invisible for 1 Jealous? Piss off.
in pitch dark. Very min./ level twice a
edgy. day. Your Character Sheet
Wow you’re almost done. Unless you picked a wand waver, then
you’re fucked. Characters are recorded like this:
Find Your Class Jason Dark, Lvl 1 Human Rogue (AC13, MV8, HD 1d8, hp 8,
You can only pick one, dickhead. #ATT 1, leather, 1d4 dagger, 1d8 sword, 1d4 bottle of hard
Try Hards - d10 HD liquor) One dimensional, foul tempered adventurer with an
Barbarian Illiterate. +2 damage with large weapons. alcohol addiction rivalled only by his lust for male blacksmith.
Fighter +1 to do stunts and maneuvers and shit.
Monk +2 to hit unarmed. Fist deal 1d6 damage. Combat
Paladin Blessed. +1 damage to undead. Initiative: Roll 1d20 + MV. Cheap Bastards get +2. Highest
Witcher +1 damage to wand wavers. number goes first. This means that those chumps with tons of
Cheap Bastards – d8 HD armor are slower and fast fuckers will shank you first.
Bard Your music kills things.
Attack: Roll 1d20 + level. If it is equal to or greater than the
Ranger Has an animal companion with equal HD to
targets AC the attack hits. Shit’s that simple. Casting any spell
Rogue Can perform sneak attacks for x2 damage. counts as an attack for that round, unless stated otherwise.
Wand Wavers – d6 HD Damage: Roll the damage die next to the weapon, and
Cleric Trade heals for sexual favors. subtract the result from the target’s hp. At zero hit points you
Sorcerer Gain an extra spell slot. die, motherfucker.
Warlock Blast shit with your mage powers for 1d8.
Two less spell slots. Morale: After someone gets fucking murdered, both sides
Wizard Pointy hat. Cosmic powers. Virgin. roll 1d20 and add the level (or HD) of their greatest
combatant. If your total is at least twice what the other fuckers
got, they lose their shit and run away. If the enemy rolled
Roll Hit Points double what you got, you take a -1 penalty to all rolls until
New characters get the full hit points (hp) for their hit die (HD) you can make a higher morale roll than them (because
at level 1. So, a fighter gets 10 hp. Each time you level up, roll they are winning and you are getting scared like a bitch).
your HD and add that number to your total hp.
Recovery: Characters can recover up to their max hit points
either with spells, scrolls, mystical plot armor, or 4 hours of
THE DIE OF FATE Sometimes the GM will roll the
die of fate to see how the situation is established.
Low numbers are ill-fortune, high numbers are
good fortune (or at least not misery). The die of
fate might be rolled to establish the weather,
indicate a random NPC’s general attitude, or to
determine if a wandering monster appears. The
GM may also roll the die of fate if the PCs take
some action for which sheer chance is the only
factor in the outcome. These rules are yours to
bend to your