Book Wealthy Emptiness 31313

Y
e s s i c a A l a y a

W e a l t h y E m p t i n e s s

Y o u r U l t i m a t e C o a c h

...Simple Guidance to
Surrendered Living
In Sacred Intimacy
With The Divine…
Having What You Really Want!

The Real Secret to Solving All Problems & Living a Life of
Passion, Purpose, Peace, True Prosperity & Well-‐Being!
(and… it is not what you think…)
Wealthy Emptiness ~ Your Ultimate Coach

W e a l t h y

E m p t i n e s s

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Gloria in Excelsis Deo!
It is my deepest wish and highest intent that

this book may bring you more Clarity about
who You really are, why You are here, what
You really want and how to live That!
~ Yessica Alaya 31/3/13
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[so empty]
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an experiential book of
inspiration from:
Intention
Artistic poetry &
Music
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2013© Yessica Alaya
Originally Self-Published.
Co-Published by [Balboa Press, a Division of HayHouse

Publishing] in 2013.
Editorial & Production: Yessica Alaya

Type Design & Typography: Yessica Alaya
Cover Design: Yessica Alaya
Cover Photograph: Yessica Alaya
Copy Rights:
All Rights Reserved.
Distribution Rights:
All have the right to copy, reproduce and re-transmit this book in
its entirety only, with reference to the original source document
and website www.yessicaalaya.wordpress.com for donations,
without needing written permission from the publisher.
ISBN: 1-…………….
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You Are What Your Deep, Driving Desire Is.
As Your Heart’s Desire Is, So Are Your Thoughts.
As Your Thoughts Are, So Are Your Words.
As Your Words Are, So Are Your Actions.
As Your Actions Are, So Is Your Sacred Destiny…
(A somewhat Free Interpretation of the Sacred Words
of the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5)
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Foreword
This book is more than just a book… it is a living
experience… just like anything else in our lives…
All the time there is just experiencing, living, being, an
endless stream of unfolding being-‐ness… an endless
coming and going of content against a background of
content-‐less eternal space, silence, stillness, being-‐ness…
So it is Being the content and the content-‐less background
that is our experience of Being-‐ness… and in that pure
Being-‐ness, we have a miraculous power, a magical ability
to give direction to, to -‐ subtly or not so subtly -‐ influence
the ongoing unfolding in a certain direction… and to
change that direction again in every single split second
moment of ‘now’ again as well… all part of the eternal
unfolding of life living itself as us… in this ‘we’ are the
eternal awareness, both being aware of the unfolding and
being aware of ‘our’ influence on that unfolding… It Is All
One Magical Dance of Divine Life Force and Intelligence
wanting to experience its own Divinity in all of its infinite
expressions… This Is Our Light Dancing!
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(Now) Shine Your Light
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves: ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the
world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that
other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to
make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just
in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence
automatically liberates others.”
Shine Your Light

Marianne Williamson, from A Return To Love
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Dedicated to My Beloved Children
And in Special Appreciation and

Eternal Gratitude to:
Dr. Robert Schuler, Deepak Chopra, Joel Osteen,

Dr. David Hawkins, Neale Donald Walsh
Florian Tataghata & Julia Schlosser
Shakti Gawain, Wayne W. Dyer
Byron Katie, Brandon Bays
Eckhart Tolle, Peter Levine
Roy Martina, Joe Vitale
Anja, Anja, Anja and Nadine
All others I forgot, and especially
Sri Nasargadatta Maharaj
Papaji, Gangaji, Mooji, Osho
and all of my (Grand)Parents!
Who, All of You, In Your Own Magnificent & Unique

Way Have ‘Saved My Life’, Without Even Knowing It!
Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!
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(Forthcoming &) Additional Titles
from the Same Author
True Prosperity:
Living Your Truth in an Ambiguous World
R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Re-Invention:
Realize Your True Potential by Living Your Truth
Conscious C.A.R.I.N.G. Living & Leadership

Caring. Authentic. Relational.
Inspiring. Nurturing. Generous.
STOP RUNNING!
Slow Down, Stay Calm, Be Patient
Getting Clear Before Getting Busy!
A New Beginning Now

STOP Waiting for Your Real Life to Begin!
The Divine, Money & You

From Golden Handcuffs to Real Financial Freedom
The Happy Transcesexual:

How Some Men Are From Venus and Some Women From Mars
and how this created one of the last Taboos on Planet Earth…
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Clues

…Life and Language always leave clues about Truth…

“What you think you want may not be what You Really
Want, nor what You Really Need!”

“What You Really Want is not the bigger house or the new
car, or third car or boat or new job or new relationship…”

“Before You can start to find out what You Really Want,
You first need to know that You are not
who and what you think you are…”

“when it is not working… there is something missing”

“A situation is only a problem when You believe it is…

and the you that you are not, already does…”
(and that is not a grammatical error)

Please Note that throughout this book, the use of Capital and
small letters is highly intentional and will be meaningful to those
who give meaning to it!
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1)
Content
Dedication 11
Clues 13
Content 14
You Have A Dream 17
1 I Am ~ Awareness ~ You Are 37
2 The Power of Sequence Is… 52
3 Absolute Truth 88
4 Relative truth 92
5 Keeping It Simple 108
6 Why It Is Not Always Easy Yet 114
7 The Final Chapter 122
About The Author 131
More Resources 132
You Giving Back 134
There is NowHere to Go, NoThing To Do, Just Be!

(with gratitude to my Tai-Chi Teacher who’s name I can’t remember…)
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1) ‘Being2) Content’ would in itself be the very short
answer to Having What You Really Want ~ by wanting
and Being Content with what you have and get!
Being Content would therefore be THE solution for all
your perceived problems. But for many, this is too
easy… and not what they think they want anyway…
and this is the REAL problem!
“I now remember a small statue on my grandfather’s mantel
piece of an old man standing tall and proud with the scripture
underneath: “De Contente Mensch” which is ‘old Ducth’ for
“The Content Human”, and that is how he lived his life…
fascinating…”

2) ‘Being’ would actually be the shortest possible answer as

this implies just Pure Being. Letting come what comes
and letting go what goes and welcoming all of it in loving
awareness and remaining at peace irrespective of the
circumstances (as Byron Katie says: “Loving What Is” ).
Now this answer, unfortunately, is even more difficult to
accept for most people, even though…

It May Be The Ultimate Answer To All ‘Problems’!
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1 You Have A Dream
In The Beginning… You H ave A D ream …

So you have a dream… A big dream… A wild dream…
YOUR dream…

And for many years now, you have been dreaming about
this deep longing, this yearning desire that you want to
express and live in your life.

You’ve now had this dream and longing for almost as long
as you can remember and you have been trying all kind of
strategies to get what you think you really want…

Or to even try to get rid of this dream and yearning

desire…

You’ve tried goal-‐setting and applying success principles.

Improving your habits. Learning better communication
and social skills. Learning about body-‐language,
influencing and persuasion.
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Visioning, focusing, inspired and non-‐inspired massive
action. How to end procrastination. You’ve changed your
career, your relationships and location. You’ve changed
your hairstyle or your wardrobe.

You changed your social environment and friends.

Changed your gender expression or sexual orientation.

Or you’ve even created a Master Mind Group, a Movement

or a ‘tribe’ of like-‐minded people.

You have read thousands of self-‐help and self-‐

development books and even more spiritual books. You
have attended more seminars and workshops than you’re
willing to admit. You’ve listened to thousands of hours of
motivational CD’s and MP3’s, MP4’s and YouTube video’s
on your Iphone5.

You’ve tried dozens of different healing modalities and

therapies. Talked for years to your shrink or best friends…

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You adopted spiritual principles, applied the Laws of the
Universe, tried the law of attraction or polarity or cause
and effect. You tried dozens of meditation techniques,
sound healing, energy healing, bodywork, Esoteric Tantra,
encounter therapy, EFT, EMDR, hypnotherapy, dancing,
singing, new fitness regimes and healthy eating.

Oh yeah, and not to forget, you tried different variations of
yoga…

You have given away or lost all your stuff, your money,
your old career and maybe a lot of old relationships in the
process of trying to figure out: ‘What the .…. is wrong with
me?’. Why can I not find my way to realize my dream? Why
can I not seem to move forward towards what I really want?

One thing is for sure, you are not seeing the results show
up in your life as you want them to be.

And yes, you may have had success… maybe even lots of
success in the traditional sense of the definition. Maybe
even made quite a lot of money.
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And already live or have lived the lifestyle of the rich.
Living in the big house, driving the nice car. Or cars even.
You’ve had the nice clothes and shoes and eating out
nearly every day…

But none of this has given you this deep sense of

satisfaction, passion, fulfillment, inner peace and real
prosperity that you know is somewhere around the corner
‘waiting for you’, that would even make all the waiting and
frustration worth it…

Then you have even considered the monastery, moving to

India, go sit in a cave and meditate and chant ohm for the
rest of your life. Or you even have had thoughts of ending
life all together or just give up on your dream and settle
for what you have and accept that what you really want is
just that … a dream, an illusion… ‘maya’… right…?

Well… Wrong!

Guess what. You still totally feel stuck. Or even more so

than ever before.
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The restlessness and boredom alternating every other
day. The deep sense of stuck-‐ness, frustration, exhaustion,
overwhelm and confusion turning into an almost
desperate depression…

And then there is still… that dream… there still is this

longing, this yearning, the deep impulse of wanting to
move again… towards your dream…

And trying again, finding your way out of this confusion of

how to reconcile your deep insights in ‘spiritual Truth’ and
your strong yearning for a life of passion, purpose and
deep desire for real financial freedom and abundance…

And then maybe, you finally collapse and surrender…

And you say: ‘Enough is Enough!’

‘No matter what happens, I want this to be over with!’

‘I want clarity. I DEMAND CLARITY!’

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‘I am o.k. with ‘Thy Will Be Done’, but let’s finally get
clarity about what is going on!’

And that is when the final teacher shows up in your life.

To help you get clarity. To unravel the knots of

overwhelm, confusion, fear, doubt and anxiety. Unravel
the entangled mess of inner and outer conflicts and
distractions. To find your way out of this maze of ideas
and thoughts and feelings that keep pulling you in all kind
of different directions.

To get back to basics.

To get back to the root cause of what is going on.

To get back to the core.

Back to Source.

Back to your self. Back to Your Self.

To get back to the innocence of THE SELF!
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This is when you start to get some clarity and some
guidance.

Guidance from within.

Guidance from stillness…

Guidance from emptiness…

Guidance from the wealthy emptiness…

Within and without…

Your Ultimate Coach…

But you do need to STOP first.

To first slow down, stay calm and be patient.

To just sit… and be here…

To Be Still… and Listen…

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[…just listen for a while to the Silence now, the empty space…]
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And this is not easy yet…

In the beginning… this is not easy yet at all…

There is just so much noise!

On the outside and on the inside!

All these thoughts and feelings, tumbling all over each

other…

Not knowing what to do…

‘I must do something now!’

‘I must fix this…, solve this!’

‘I must get out of this mess!’

‘But how?’

‘How am I ever going to get out of this entangled mess of
problems?’

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‘I have screwed up!’, ‘I have failed!’, ‘I am tired.’, ‘I am
exhausted!’ The voice of your inner critic that you know so
well… But what if, for right now, you do not need to solve
or fix anything…, and just be still… and listen… and ask…

‘God, please, if you are out there somewhere, please help

me out of this mess!’

‘And Yes, I am sorry, please forgive me, I thank you and I
love you, but please, please, please, help me get clear on
what is going on!’

‘Who or what am I?’

‘Why am I here? What is my purpose? What is my unique
gift to the world?’ And how to share this with others?’

‘What are my true passions and how to live these in

service of my gifts?’

‘And why have all these previous ideas about what I

thought I wanted to do not worked out?’
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‘Were they really MY dreams?’

‘Or were they dreams that I believed I should pursue

based on ideas picked up from my environment?’

‘What is authentically me?’

‘What is it that ‘I’ truly want or need right now in my

life…?’

‘What is it that is in line with my True Self Nature? My true
natural state of being and natural, gentle pace of
becoming…?’

‘Am I naturally ‘loud’ or ‘soft’… ‘high energy’ or more

‘gentle and mellow’… Am I a ‘go getter’ or ‘come and get
ME’ type of energy?’

‘When do I really feel good when I get busy and when do I

just feel ‘pumped up’ and running on adrenaline … and
shortly there-‐after crash and burn…?’

‘What has been my pattern in this for years now?’
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‘Is there something I can learn from that?’

‘Have I been trying to do the same thing over and over and
over again for too long now?’ ‘Am I able to see my own
blind spot now for once and for all?’

‘Have I been pushing and pulling and forcing and trying to

create something all by my self even though I felt tired,
exhausted, not at peace, not happy nor fulfilled?
Continuing to believe that at the end of this pursuit I
would find deep satisfaction and feeling vibrantly alive, as
I know is possible and somewhere deep inside? Or can I
find this right here, right now?’

‘What if I just right here, right now, would sit still and let
all thoughts and feelings go and notice that underneath all
of this noise there is just THAT…’

Deep silence… deep peace… stillness… clear blue sky

clarity… pure being… pure awareness… a pure open field
of all possibility…

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‘And can I notice, that BEFORE any thought or feeling,
there is just peace, deep peace, tranquility, pure Being Life
itself… Self-‐Aware Life itself…’

‘And what if I remain there for a little while now… just

resting… deeply resting… and letting all energies come
back to me first… before moving… before getting busy…’

‘And can I be still… and listen… listen to Life itself… of how
It really wants to move through me now… what it is that
really wants to be expressed… what it is that Life itself
really wants to live out through me, AS ME…?’

‘Is it really about pursuing this dream or is it about being
my True and Unique Self first… and letting the dream
unfold and ‘come to me’?’

‘Is it the beautiful body or perfect relationship I want or is

it because I believe I will then be more loveable and
appreciated?’

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‘Is it the money I want or the freedom I believe I will be
able to ‘buy’ with the money? Do I really want a business,
busy-‐ness and clients? Or just do yoga? And would that be
acceptable to me?’

‘Is it the money and lifestyle I want for my self or is it

because I believe I will then be able to help many more
people achieve what they believe they want…? Do I really
want to help them pursue the promise of a false dream?’

‘Is what they believe what they want really what they really
want or are these dreams not their dreams? Do they really
know what they really want?’

‘What is real and what is false?’

‘What is ‘mine’ and what is just a conditioned idea of what

I have come to believe that I want, or should want…?’

‘Do I want that career in finances, law, medicine, real

estate, network marketing, coaching, consulting or option
trading because that is really my deepest passion and true
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gift to others or just because I believe the promise that
these will bring me financial independence? Still believing
that this is the ultimate key to finding happiness?’

‘What is it that really makes me happy and at peace?’

‘And what are the false dreams and promises that only
promise happiness but never deliver on their promise?’

‘What is real and what is false?’...

‘And what is real and what is false for me?’

This is what is really going on, on the inside… most of the
time… if not all of the time…

‘So when am I going to find peace?’

‘When is this ever going to ‘stop’?’

‘Can ‘I’ stop it?

‘Could I just stop this? Right Now!?’
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‘Could I… maybe… just stop this endless mind loop of
thoughts tumbling over each other trying to figure this
whole thing out once and for all?’

‘And could I just be here?’

‘Just be here for one moment?’

To Just STOP!

And just BE!

Right here, right now!?

And just breathe…

And just rest…

Just rest in BEING…

Just rest…

And be still… and listen…

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Listening to the small voice of ‘knowing’, deep inside…

‘What is it that I really want and really need right

now…?’

And what if the answer comes…

‘Just write’…

‘Just write all of this exactly as it is… and find the clarity in
the writing…’

To acknowledge to my self that this is what is going on

right now and has been going on for quite some time now.

And that I really feel lost again… stuck… overwhelmed…

confused… exhausted… empty… That this is ‘true’ in this
moment...

And that I am still desperate to live my dream life…

Of helping others find clarity in their overwhelm and

confusion.
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Of guiding them out of their darkness and frustration, their
boredom and restlessness, their tiredness and exhaustion,
their overwhelm and confusion and guide them back to
the light of crystal clear blue sky clarity.

Of guiding them back into a new life of re-‐ignited passion,

clear purpose, deep inner peace and true prosperity.

Of doing it ‘my way’… being truly feminine… not loud and
pushing… but being soft and gentle… quiet and mellow…
with dance and music… with lots of fun and laughter…
with sensuality and playfulness… with joy and ecstasy.

Of holding a sacred space… for highly sensitive, feminine

beings… for whom the ‘world’ seems too loud and harsh…
too fast paced and overwhelming…

Of guiding gently, inviting a softening, inviting a deep

relaxation, allowing an open-‐ness, a soft receptivity to let
The Divine Kiss touch deeply…

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Not doing it ‘for the money’… but first of all because I can
not not do it…

Not doing it for the lifestyle… but for the fun of it…

Not even doing it for ‘giving back’, ‘live my legend’, or

‘leave a legacy’, but for giving free and unique expression
to what Life itself wants to live out through me…AS me…

Not for the fame or success… but just because this is what
I came here for to share with others… to help them slow
down and stop…, be still and listen…

Of being truly and uniquely a creative expression of Life

itself, celebrating and enjoying life to the fullest, in this
and every moment, just by being this true expression of
Spirit… sharing my unique gifts and living my passions.

Of enjoying the spontaneous unfolding of this Being-‐ness…

with or without a specific plan or goal, just celebrating and
deeply enjoying ‘my self’, in joy, in this moment…

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What if this… is My dream!?

What if… I am born this way!?

What if my dream is, of just being me… lying on the grass…
in early spring… watching the clouds… gently move by…

Crystal Clear, Blue Sky Clarity…

Of getting clear before getting busy…

What if… this is your dream…!?

You Have A Dream©

Yessica Alaya
Wealthy Emptiness
Your Ultimate Coach

Sometime in Spring
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2 I Am ~ Awareness ~ You Are

It All Starts and Ends With ‘I Am’
It All Starts and Ends With Awareness
It All Starts and Ends With You

YOU ARE AWARENESS. You ARE: ‘I AM’. I Am-‐ness. IS-‐ness.

YOU are ‘I AM THAT’, Spirit, Animating Life Force, Life

Itself, The Breath of Life, Love, Compassion, God’s
Inspiration, The Holy Ghost, Prana, Ki, Chi, Source,
Conscious Space, The Awareness Aspect of Living Essence,
Pure Consciousness. Now you have to find out for Your Self:

YOU ARE THAT! I AM THAT! Therefore, I AM YOU!

You are not your body, not your thoughts, not what some
people call ‘your mind’ or ‘your ego’, which is nothing
other than a bundle of thoughts having a bundle of
thoughts about a bundle of thoughts.
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You are Not a coming and going of never ending thoughts,
feelings and experiences. You Are the never changing
Blue Sky Background of all of these comings and goings.

YOU are Not even what some people call ‘your soul’.

YOU Are That Which Is AWARE of all of these things.
YOU are That which is aware of thoughts, feelings, ‘your’
body, ‘your’ soul, ‘your’ words and ‘your’ actions.
And none of these are ‘yours’ to begin with…

THAT Which Is, and is AWARE of all of these things is…

Awareness Itself

THAT is YOUR TRUE SELF NATURE!

That IS WHO YOU Truly ARE

Becoming Aware of Being That Awareness itself is what

some call the primary purpose of living this human life or:

Spiritual Awakening
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When this awareness is ‘Total’ and Consciously Known in
every moment, some call that En-‐Lightenment, Nirvana,
The Kingdom of Heaven or Sat~Chit~Ananda, which can
be translated as Being~Knowing~Bliss & Ultimate Peace.

This is the ‘Ultimate State of Ecstatic Being-‐ness’

attainable by human beings as related to us by all
Enlightened Beings ever walking on our Beautiful Planet.

But, BEFORE and AFTER the labeling and naming of any of
these concepts, THERE IS JUST YOU AS PURE BEING-‐ness.
Not ‘A’ Being, just Being-‐ness. Not even as consciousness.
Conscious consciousness only comes in one split second
after waking up in the morning. (Unless you ‘sleep’
consciously! Which is awake sleeping, or sleeping awake,
but going into that right now may be too confusing…).

Before you wake up in the morning, in deep sleep, there is

Just Pure Being, Pure Life, without the ‘thinking process’
(at least not conscious) of naming and labeling concepts.
Like thoughts, feelings, thinking, mind, body, soul, or
‘problems’.
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Even the word ‘I’, which we use to identify ourselves with,
is only a word, a label, a concept. ‘I’ itself is a thought
about a thought. The thought of ‘i’. ‘I’ itself is a bundle of
thoughts having a bundle of thoughts about a bundle of
thoughts...all by itself by the way…which You are aware of.

BEFORE the thought of ‘I’, there is only a physical notion

and sensation of Being-‐ness, which is perceived as ‘in-‐and-‐
of-‐this-‐body’ as this basically is a concentrated form of
conscious awareness and attention linked to the energy
fields that make up the human physical and energy bodies.
‘This body’ is perceived through the physical senses as
separate from everything other than ‘this specific body’.

Of course, most people by now know, that ‘everything is

just energy at different vibrations’ interacting with each
other. One Holographic Energy Matrix. We are all floating
energy-‐bubbles, or cells, in one big ocean of energy
consisting of different energy bubbles, an ocean of cells,
vibrating at different frequencies. All like different, unique
drops of water in one big ocean of drops of water.
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Basically, these different energy bubbles are ‘information
packages’ which are the thoughts and feelings, memories
and emotions, desires and fears that are picked up by the
human senses and translated by the human nervous
system and brain into ‘names’, ‘labels’ and ‘thought forms’.

Now what does all of this mean?

What this all means is that everything other than just

PURE BEING AWARENESS, is a PERCEPTION and
INTERPRETATION of energy and information by the
human senses, nervous system and brain.

Now why is this important to be aware of?

Because this shows why everything we THINK, every

THOUGHT we ‘have’ or perceive and every FEELING that
the senses pick up ARE IMMEDIATELY INTERPRETED by
the human senses, nervous system and brain based on
past experiences, ideas, concepts and conditioning (and
especially previous likes and dislikes).

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These interpretations therefore very often are a total
MISUNDERSTANDING of what actually is going on. What
most people perceive as ‘their reality’ is all based on
assumptions, interpretations and conclusions.

Knowing all of this is CRUCIAL to get a grip on the elusive
subject of trying to get Crystal Clear Clarity on the Three
Key Questions a human being tends to ask many times:
Who Am I? 1)
Why Am I? 2)
What Do I Really Want and How Do I Get It?

1) or, What is the ‘I’ we refer to?

2) or, What is the meaning & purpose of (my) life?

The alert and aware reader will already notice that these
questions in and of themselves are just ‘thoughts’!!! They
are superimposed thoughts, on top of Pure Being. They
are just artificial fabrications, mind-‐constructs, ideas,
thoughts created by the human thinking mechanism
arising from bundles of memories, desires, ideas, fears and
concepts based on past conditioning.
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Therefore, the ‘Spiritually Correct’ answer (and I mean
this literally!), is that these questions are part of the
‘problem’, not whether or not we are able to find
satisfactory answers…

So, from a purely ‘Absolute Truth’ point of view (which in
and of itself of course also is just a series of words,
concepts and labels to communicate ideas amongst human
beings…) the answer is: ‘Pure Being’, ‘Pure Life’ is Who
and What I Truly Am.

And Pure Being has its own meaning and purpose of
Pure Being and this is in itself the ‘Why I Am (Here)’,
which is: to ‘Purely Be’!

The ‘What I Want’ and ‘How To Get It’ questions are then
‘seen through’ as purely a human mind-‐made-‐concept,
super-‐imposed on our natural state of Pure Being and
would not come up in a state of Pure Being where one
would just experience ‘What Is’ as ‘What Is’ and one would
either be okay with that or not.

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And still, whether okay with ‘What Is’ or not, all of that
would still be ‘What Is’ in every moment unfolding.

So, ‘problem’ solved (which includes all questions),

without there ever having been an idea of there being any
‘problem’…

However, most human beings do not live their daily life in
this what some refer to as the ‘highest level of
understanding of Reality, Truth, Enlightenment’ and…
It is even questionable whether that would be desirable…

Because once you have experienced that natural state of

‘Being’ and ‘Knowing’ and abide in it more and more, one
may discover that living a so-‐called ‘normal life’ in the
worldly world outside the protective environment of an
ashram, monastery or silent retreat center, initially feels
as nearly impossible. This is because one becomes very
conscious of the root cause of all misunderstanding and
suffering in the ‘world’ and how difficult it is to
communicate this ‘Truth’ to those who are not yet seeing
it for themselves and who still believe in ‘problems’.
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Once this has fully been seen and understood (not only
mentally, but when this is also lived, experientially) ~ that
You Are Awareness and Reality is ‘What Is’ and ‘What Is
Unfolding Now’ ~, not only will all fears fall away but most
‘ordinary’ desires as well… So then the question ‘What Do
I Want?’ becomes easy, because the answer is either
‘nothing!’ or just wanting to share this Truth with others…,
however unimaginable this may sound to you, living from
your current state of consciousness, unless this is where
you find Your Self right now…

So, in summary, the approach to discovering and defining

‘Who and What You Are’, ‘Why You Are Here’ (or ‘Why
You Would Want to Continue to Be Here’) and answering
the ‘What Do You Want And How To Get It?’ questions, is
highly dependent on what your level of conscious
awareness is right now. This therefore is your starting
point for the rest of our journey together and for the
remainder of your journey in your life.

45

Even though there are an infinite number of different
levels of conscious awareness possible, there are three
main categories people tend to ‘live from’:

1 Victimhood or ‘at the affect of the outside world’

2 Empowered Action & Co-‐Creation
3 Surrendered Living, Inspired Action & Allowing

Most of the time we will experience a mix of these states

of consciousness which makes things ‘just a little bit’(!?)
more complicated… I’ll briefly explain my personal
definition of these different states of being and living.

1 Living at the affect of the outside world

Even though it is true that we do not control everything,
this is mainly based on believing that what is happening to
you and in your life is outside of your control and outside
of your influence and things, people and circumstances
other than your self are the cause of your life experience.
People living from this state of consciousness typically
have a lot of ‘stories’ about their life experience and tend
to complain a lot and ‘blame others’ or ‘the circumstances’.
46

2 Living by Empowered Action & Co-‐Creation
This is mainly based on ‘taking responsibility’ and using
your ability to respond based on believing that you have
free choice and are able to influence or even control what
is happening in your life. This does not mean that what is
happening is ‘your fault’ but you do understand that we
can either learn to change the things we want to be
different than they are right now, or learn to accept those
things we truly cannot change or influence. This could be
referred to as conscious co-‐creation based on ‘my will’.

3 Surrendered Living, Inspired Action & Allowing

This is mainly based on knowing that We Are One with the
One Consciousness, that We Are Spirit, that We Are Divine
Intelligence which has a certain intention for our life
expression and experience which we can become
consciously aware of, and co-‐create that experience based
on surrendered living, ‘inspired’ action and allowing
aligned with ‘Thy Will’ (which then also is ‘My Will’) or:

“Surrendered Living in Sacred Intimacy…

With and As The Divine”
47

In all these different or mixed states of conscious
awareness, You can live your life based on inspired or
‘intuitive’ guidance (= inner knowing) from That which is
larger than the personal you: Spirit, The Divine, Divine
Intelligence, Nature, Life itself, Source, ‘That’, or:

“Wealthy Emptiness ~ Your Ultimate Coach”

Aligning with this guidance is best achieved by spending

time in silence, either through meditation or just sitting
silently for 20 – 30 minutes at a time, or to go into nature
and let the silence of nature create silence in your mind
chatter so you can ‘hear’ or ‘sense’ what Life, The Divine,
Spirit wants to live and express through you, As You.

After some ‘practice’, you will notice that you will perceive
‘inspired’ guidance in every single moment of life of what
the next step is going to be.

AND You will start to notice, that you are not the ‘doer’.
That you are not the ‘thinker’, that Life Itself is living itself,
expressing itself creatively through you, As You.
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That Life Itself, Spirit, Divine Intelligence is the
originator, The One Source of ‘your’ inspirations, ideas,
thoughts, feelings, emotions, words and actions, all the
time.

When You Realize This, surrendered living may become

the only feasible way for you to live this life as you can
clearly see that all past efforts to ‘live your life’ were based
on conditioned thoughts, beliefs, ideas from your
environment and past conditioning and were not based on
what originally wants to be lived by That which is Your
True Self. Life Itself. Spirit. Source. The True You.

Now this may all seem very ‘out there’ and not realistic or
relevant, however, in order to live a life of true passion,
sharing your unique gifts contributing to the
consciousness evolution of Humanity and The Universe,
turning your passions and purpose into deep inner peace,
true prosperity and well-‐being, this may prove to be the
preferred way of living for You.

49

Living a life where All Is well!

Where You Are Love and Loved, the Be-‐Loved!

Where You Are Peace!

Where You Are Harmony!

And all it takes is going into silence…

to be still…

and listen…

and to discover all of this for Your Self…

Recommended music: Who You Are! ~ Jessie J

And: Kyrie Leyson ~ Robert Gass
Visit www.yessicaalaya.wordpress.com for information on
private Satsang sessions and group Satsang retreats.
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ETERNALLY CLEAR BLUE SKY

Drifting In The Eternally Clear Blue Sky
Soft White Clouds
Sometimes Grey
Sometimes Dark
Sometimes Beautiful
Sometimes Scary
Always Empty
Just Like My Thoughts
While A Hundred Birds Chatter In One Tree
Trying To Get Their Story Across
Interrupting One Another
And A Butterfly Landing On My Breast
Quietly Resting In The Sun
Shining In An Eternally Clear Blue Sky
What If This Is All I Ever Wanted From Life….?

ETERNALLY CLEAR BLUE SKY©
Yessica Alaya
April 23, 2012
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2 The Power of Sequence Is…

…you have to first sow before you can reap…

What I have found in my own life experience is that the

SEQUENCE of things is more important than the ‘What’,
‘Why’, ‘Where’ or ‘How’.

You can believe to be doing the right things, but if you are
not doing them in the right sequence, you will not be
happy with the results.

Even making breakfast proves that doing things in the

right sequence is more important than knowing that you
want coffee, tea, orange juice, croissants with strawberries
or fried eggs…

Especially the sequence of answering the questions ‘Who

Am I?’, ‘Why Am I Here?’, ‘What Do I Really Want and How
Do I Live That?’ is highly relevant for living your ‘dream
life’ and realizing your true potential and desired life
experiences.
52

For many many years, I believed that knowing what ‘I’
wanted was the logical starting point and enough for
figuring out how to get it. However, even when it did
result in some kind of success in the traditional sense of
the word: a successful career, a new relationship, more
money, a big house or a new car, it never brought lasting
fulfillment, peace or happiness.

I studied years to become a CPA, spent 60-‐80 hours a

week to grow a successful career and was a successful
Partner for 10 years in an international global Top 3
Financial Services Firm making a lot of money. I owned
the beautiful home, two cars, enjoyed luxury vacations in
the most exotic locations around the globe with my spouse
and children and… I was not really happy.

It was only after I started to ask the questions ‘Who Am I?’
and ‘Why Am I (still) Here?’ in the right sequence, that
my life started to change dramatically into a new direction
and experience that more and more was focusing on:

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‘Creating Value’ vs. ‘Getting What I W ant’!

It was because of this shift that I started to find clarity

about my True Self, my unique gifts, how to translate
these into creating value for others and feel real passion,
purpose, fulfillment and a deep inner peace. That in itself
was more ‘true prosperity’ than I had ever experienced
before, even though it took me 5 years to start making any
money with the value that I was creating... It also took
experiencing loosing my career status, all of my money,
my marriage, my home, my cars, most of my ‘stuff’, ending
up in serious debt, running into health issues and
effectively being ‘homeless’ for almost 2 years, if it not had
been for good friends and my sister and her family to
invite me to live with them for a while. What it really took
and still takes, is staying true to my deepest Truth! And
that was and is not always easy. What did become very
clear, however, is that creating something of value for
others is the only sustainable source of material
abundance, wealth, health, true prosperity and well-‐being.
54

Of course, one has to create an effective model to monetize
the value created but that is a learnable skill and there are
a lot of resources available on the internet today to learn
this, even for free.

What I struggled with most of the time however, was to

figure out what the value was that I wanted to create or
was able to create for others.

The rationally smart way of going about this of course

would be to look at your education and skills and what
‘the market’ wants and is willing to pay for and then
create a product or a service that is an answer to what the
market needs and wants. However, that did no longer
work for me, as I noticed that it did not give me the
passion, fulfillment, inner peace and deep spiritual
connection that I knew I was really looking for.

This is how the importance of the sequence in asking and
answering the core questions became clear to me.

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First I had to get very clear on why I believe that I am still
here on planet Earth and what it is that I want to
experience in my life, what my true passions are, my
unique gifts and solutions I can offer to other people. And
then find a way to live the lifestyle of my choice and
preference. Which by the way does not mean that you
have to make millions to be happy, fulfilled or at peace.
Some, if not many, really just want to live a minimalist
zen-‐style life in nature, with just the bare minimum in
material possessions, which can be achieved with a rather
modest amount of money. And this is actually what I
discovered I wanted for a while, even after having
experienced ~ and truly enjoyed ~ a life of twenty plus
years of material abundance during my successful
corporate career.

So I have found it is crucial to first get very clear on what it
is Life wants from us and what we want in and from Life,
but not based on what the media and our conditioning is
trying to convince us of what we SHOULD want, but what
WE REALLY WANT in line with our True Self Nature!
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To be able to answer that question, you first need to know
who and what You really are as that is the basis for your
motivation and desires. This is why I have come to see
that the sequence of asking and answering these questions
is absolutely critical to get crystal clear clarity on what it is
that wants to happen in this lifetime (while also knowing
at the same time that all is well, even when nothing seems
to be happening…).

Here are the questions that I have found to be relevant to
answer in this sequence to experience a Life of true
passion and prosperity while being at peace no matter
what the circumstances. This is how I have found a life of
Surrendered Living in Sacred Intimacy with The Divine:
1 Who & What Am ‘I’?
2 Why Am ‘I’ (Still) Here?
3 What Do ‘I’ (& Life Itself) Really Want, Now?
4 How To Live & Give That?
5 What Are ‘My’ True Passions & Unique Gifts?
6 What Is ‘My’ Core Message & Solution ‘I’ Offer?
7 What Is ‘My’ Preferred Lifestyle By Design?
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Answering these questions may take a few minutes, hours,
days, weeks, months or a lifetime and the answers may
also change over time. However, that is not important.
What Is important is that this can be your roadmap or
blueprint to living a life of passion, purpose, fulfillment,
peace & true prosperity. This is what this has done for me!

This has also brought the realization that what gives deep
meaning to why we are here is to become conscious of
who and what we really are and the unique contribution
we can make to the consciousness evolution of Humanity
and The Universe, The One Song. Once you know this,
there will be a new spark of inspiration of living your
sacred dreams and heart’s desires.

So, let’s have a closer look at these questions, shall we?

(and after that I’ll describe how best to receive answers)
1 Who & What Am ‘I’?
What is my true being? What is my true self nature? What
is my true identity at the core? What are the different
layers of my being-‐ness? What is my personality? Is it
fixed? What is my natural and authentic temperament?
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What is my natural pace of being? When am I at peace?
What makes me feel stressed? And why exactly? Who am I
when nobody is looking? Who do I want to be? Which ‘I’ is
saying that? Are there different ‘I’’s representing different
parts of me? What do these parts want? Do they agree?
Why not? Which part typically seems to be winning? What
are my typical patterns of acting, reacting and behaving?
Are these patterns different in different environments?
With different people? Why? Based on what? What are the
things that still ‘trigger me’? What are my ‘hot buttons’?
Why? What am ‘I’ trying to defend or prove? And what
does that give ‘me’? Who is it that is defending ‘me’? What
am ‘I’ trying to achieve? Which dream am ‘I’ pursuing? Is it
‘my’ dream? What is my deepest, ‘darkest’ secret? What is
it that I have known or believed for as long as I can
remember and which I have not ever told anyone yet?
Why? What am I afraid of that will happen when I do?
What are my deepest fears and hurts and why? What are
my greatest disappointments and broken dreams? Why?
What am I really afraid of losing or never getting? Who
and What am ‘I’ that is behind all of these things?
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2 Why Am ‘I’ (Still) Here?
Given that I have woken up again this morning, why am I
still here? What is it that I want to experience? What is it
that I still want to do? Be? Have? Not from a material point
of view, but from a life experience point of view? Given
that I am Life itself, what is it that I am living? What is it
that I still want to be living? What is my purpose? What is
the meaning of this life(time) to me? What is it that I
would like to contribute to the evolution of Humanity? To
the Earth? To the Universe? What is it that I want to feel?
What does my deepest true nature want to live and
experience? What does my ‘soul’ want? Even though I
know that I am not my soul, what does my soul want to
experience? How can I help? How can I be of service? Do I
want to be of service? Or do I just want to live, love and be
loved? What is it that ‘I’ truly want? Which I is saying that?
Why? What is it that it wants to get ‘out of that’? Does
there have to be a reason for being? Does there have to be
a meaning other than being? Can the purpose of being just
be Being? What is it that gets me excited? What is it that
gives me stress? What is it that gives me Peace? Joy? Love?
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3 What Do ‘I’ (& Life Itself) Really Want, Now?
Going a level deeper now! What is it that ‘I’, Life Itself,
Really Want? Where do I want to live? What is it that I
want to be doing? What would I want to be doing all of the
time, even if I would not get paid for it? What would I still
be doing most of the time, if not all of the time if I would
have one hundred million dollars in the bank and 5
different homes on five different continents and my own
private jet, yacht and staff to travel all of the time? What is
it that I would love to share with other people? What is it
that I would love to teach? What would I really love doing
now that I have all the time freedom I ever wanted? Is it
writing, dancing, making music, painting, working,
traveling, doing nothing, sitting in nature, listening to the
birds? Do I want to help people or teach them how to help
them selves? Is there a ‘cause’ I want to get busy with? Do
I want to lead a group of people? Do I want to spend most
time in silence with my Self or in silence with other people
or do I want to interact with a lot of people all of the time
talking about a lot of different topics? Or do I want to go
deep into one specific topic? What do ‘I’ Really Want?
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4 How To Live & Give That?
How do I want to live my life? Where? With whom? What
would I want to be doing there? Why? With whom? What
kind of people? What is right for me now in my life right
now? To be very busy or to take it easy and take time for
self-‐care, self-‐nurturing, rest and recovery? Do I feel
genuinely inspired to do something or is this driven based
on media messages or things I see on TV or on the
internet? Am I being motivated by an innate desire to help
other people, or solve problems, or do I believe that I
should be doing that to be of valuable contribution? What
is true for me now in my life now? What is it that I
genuinely want to give to others? What is it that I would
want to give to me? What is it that I would want to receive
from others and is this something I would want to give?
Am I still running along with ‘main stream media
messages’ or am I living my own live? Am I living my truth
or am I trying to please others? Am I focusing on giving for
giving sake or am I trying to get love and approval? Am I
creating my own life or trying to fulfill others’
expectations? How do I want to live and give what I want?
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5 What Are ‘My’ True Passions & Unique Gifts?
What are my passions? What is it that really makes me feel
alive? Music? Dancing? Singing? Writing? Drawing?
Painting? Nature? Sports? Creating new things?
Completing things? Getting things done? Organizing
events? Am I a good speaker or a good listener? What do
others tell me I am brilliant at even though I think it is ‘just
me’, being me? What is it that really gets me excited?
Traveling? Cooking? Meditating? Healing? Reading? Which
topics? What would I do most of the time now that I have
all the time freedom and financial freedom I always
wanted? What would I love to be doing even if I would not
be paid for it? What is it that I can study or talk about for
hours and loose track of time? What is it that I love to
teach others about? What makes me unique? What is it
that I do in a unique way not like anyone else? How do I
inspire and encourage others? How do I help others? What
do others ask my help with? Why am I brilliant at what I
am good at? Would there be more people that would find
support in what I love to do most? What is it that I always
wanted to do and did not yet have the courage to start?
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6 What’s The Core Message & Solution ‘I’ Offer?
What is my core message? What do I talk to people about
most of the time? What do I get really excited about when
I see it in the news, read about it or talk about it with
others? What makes me angry in society that I would
change if I would be in front of the right audience and had
all the resources to make those changes happen? What
problems do I solve specifically? What am I brilliant at in
solving for others while I may feel I am struggling with my
self? What is the core message of the book I have wanted
to write for as long as I can remember? What would I
write about if I would just start writing the first chapter of
that book right now, whether or not anyone would ever
read it or whether I would ever make any money with it?
What problems do I love to solve and loose track of time
when I am working on them? Who are my top 10 ‘role-‐
model’ celebrity authors, experts or teachers and what is
it in what they teach that I am excited about and
impressed with? What is it that makes my personal take
on that topic unique and a contribution if I share it with
others? What would I like to be ‘famous for’ as an expert?
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7 What Is ‘My’ Preferred Lifestyle By Design?
How would I be living if I would really be truthful to my
deepest self and not based on what the media or my
friends believe that I should want? Where would I be
living? In a city? In nature? On the beach? In the
mountains? In a forest? In material abundance or in
simplicity? How does my preferred living space look and
feel like? Are there different parts of me wanting different
things? Can they be reconciled? What is more important to
me: where I live or what I am doing there? Would I be
okay living where and how I am living right now right
here for the rest of my life and if no, what would I really
prefer instead as the next step? What is more important
for me: time freedom, expressive freedom, creative
freedom, financial freedom, emotional freedom or
spiritual freedom? And in what sequence? What do these
different concepts really mean to me? Would I be willing
to give up certain things in favor of others? Or do I really
want all of them at the same time? Do I believe that is
possible? How does this affect the other questions above?
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So right now, just notice what is happening to your energy
field and consciousness just reading through these
questions!? The questions in and of themselves already
affect your consciousness and energy field moving into the
direction of what You Really Want, even before specifically
answering them. This is the true power of questions. The
questions trigger a new way of perceiving, interpreting
and experiencing ‘your reality’ and in and of themselves
will start shaping your new future and destiny.

Based on a first round of reading and then answering

these questions in this sequence, you may want to do a
second and third round after a little while and notice how
your answers will evolve as you go deeper into who ‘You’
Really are, your understanding of why ‘You’ are Really
here and what ‘You’ Really want.

You may also notice that some of these questions are

overlapping and that is fine. Because what I have found is
that the questions and answers build on each other and
also that who we are, why we are here and what we want
66

are essentially the same thing! Our unique True Self
Nature is in itself the expression of our unique gift, which
we wish to share with others, which is also a reflection of
what we want to receive…

Two additional questions you may find very effective are

‘What is my preferred future?’ and ‘What is my highest,
most Sacred Destiny in this life time?’. Not to know the
answers necessarily, but to start the process of Divine
Intelligence to start creating this preferred future and
Sacred Destiny now.

You will also notice that you will start adding your own
questions based on this iterative process of asking
questions and receiving answers and this then will further
shape and refine the answers and additional questions.

Right now, you do not need to worry about getting the

‘right’ answers or ‘How’ you will achieve or ‘get’ any of the
results based on the answers to these questions. That will
actually take care of itself when we remain in a state of
Surrendered Living in Sacred Intimacy with The Divine.
67

And even though it is also possible to achieve these things
through ‘will-‐power’ and ‘effort’, you will discover that
these are not really needed to get what You Really want. It
actually took me quite a while to discover that most of the
time when ‘i’ did not seem to ‘get’ what ‘i’ thought ‘i’
wanted, no matter how much will-‐power and effort ‘i’ put
into it, was because that was not what ‘I’ Really Wanted!

The reason why I have put ‘I’ and ‘me/my’ in quotation

marks is because it depends on which ‘I’ or ‘me/my’ we
are referring to when we ask and try to answer these
questions.

When we are asking these questions from the ‘small’ ‘i’ or
small ‘me/my’, the mind and thought based ego, then the
answers will be different than when we are asking these
questions from the large ‘I’ or ‘Me/My’ with a capital letter
which I like to refer to as your True Self Nature, Spirit,
Life, Divine Intelligence or ‘That’.

Now, how do you know whether the answers are coming
from the ‘small i’ or ‘large I’?
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In my experience you will know based on whether the
answers received give you peace and joy (= True Self) or
some kind of tension and stress, however subtle (= ego).

Later on I will share some of ‘my answers’ to these

questions just as an example and reference point but first I
will describe some of the best methods I have found to ask
and receive answers to these questions. I suggest using
either one of the following or a combination of these
methods:
1 Going into silence on your own (or into your
own preferred method of meditation) or going
for a long walk in nature, along a beach,
waterfront, through open fields, hills,
mountains or forest, and repeatedly ask one of
these questions silently until you get more and
more deeper answers and insights from the
Silence itself, from the ‘wealthy emptiness ~
your ultimate coach’ which is your True Self
Nature, that give you peace and joy! Make sure
you either have something to write or a voice-‐
69

recording device (like on your phone) so you
can capture these insights while they are fresh.

2 Going into silence (or meditation) together

with a ‘beloved’ friend or life partner and let
them repeatedly ask the individual questions
softly and you answering them back softly.
They can record the answers for you so you
can stay in a deep state of relaxation and
consciousness, best with your eyes closed.
They can also encourage you to go deeper by
saying ‘Thank You!’ after each answer and ask
‘What else?’ whenever the answers slow down
or after a long silence (and yes, silence itself is
clearly one of the answers to the questions...).

3 Go into silence or meditation for 10 or 20

minutes while gently contemplating one of
these questions and then open your eyes and
start writing the question(s) and the answers
in the form of a dialogue flowing from a steady
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and open stream of consciousness until you are
totally emptied out. This can take 10 – 20
minutes for each question or multiple pages of
writing. What can be important is to put a
mark with those answers that make you feel
emotional, happy or give a deep sigh of relief
as these answers have proven to be the most
relevant to me when I do this process.

4 Another writing method is to start with an

individual question in the center of a white
sheet of paper and just start writing words and
answers around it that come up spontaneously.
When you ‘get stuck’ or the flow stops, pick the
word with the ‘strongest energy’ or strongest
‘emotion’ or emphasis so far and write that in
the center of a new sheet and continue writing
words and answers that come up. After 3 to 5
sheets you will feel that you are at the core of
what it is that is most important to you, now.

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5 Go into a free flow conversation with a
‘beloved’ friend or life partner about these
individual questions and record the
conversation and then later listen to it again
and you will ‘hear’ where the emphasis or the
energy is pointing to and what is most
important to you. You can then add onto that
with a writing exercise similar to the one
described under 4 above.

The beauty of doing these processes with a Beloved is that

you have a loving, accepting and non-‐judging witness of
Your Truth which makes the process even much more
powerful! “Where there are two or more gathered in Me…!”.

And of course the fun is that you can ‘switch roles’ and
also discover what is really important to you both in your
individual lives and in your relationship together!

Please note that all of this only really works for you…
when you actually do it!

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Additionally, please note that you can use the same
methods to ask any questions about any subject, any
challenge, and any so-‐called ‘problem’ in your life as well.

Whether related to your career, finances, relationships,

health, creative expressions or any other topic. The
answers that give you true clarity and deep inner peace
eventually will come from the Eternal Space, Silence,
Consciousness, Spirit, Life, wealthy emptiness ~ your
ultimate coach, Divine Intelligence, Your True Self!

For added effectiveness, I have found that the answers

even come faster and more ‘clearly’ when I put my left
hand on my heart and my right hand on my lower belly,
but that is something you can try out for your self.

When you answer these questions this way in this

sequence, you will find that the questions and answers
build on each other and will provide you with your
roadmap and blueprint for living a Surrendered Life in
Sacred Intimacy With The Divine. A True North Star…
Your answers from the Silence in every moment of life…
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And from that same Eternal Silence, you will then also
start to ‘receive’ daily inspiration for inspired action. You
will also start building the courage and confidence, a
strong base, of living in a surrendered state of allowing
that which is unfolding and trusting that ‘it is all good’ and
in your best interest. And even when things do not seem
to be unfolding the way ‘you want’ or would expect, or you
can not see how they contribute to living your desired life,
trust will come that Divine Intelligence has all information
available to make your desired life happen in the most
efficient and effortless manner and that this may be along
a different track of experiences than your conscious mind
could have ever imagined.

For example, I could never have imagined that losing all of
my money, ending up in a serious burnout and serious
debt and living with my sister’s family for a year would be
my path to become totally financially and emotionally
free, ‘with or without money’. Finding a level of deep inner
peace and confidence that is now unshakable, irrespective
of the circumstances or the amount of money I have.
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It is only now that I can see that without these
experiences, there always would have been a remaining
fear of ‘losing everything’, whether money or health, no
matter how much money I would have accumulated in the
bank or have in annual income.

Going through this iterative process of contemplating and

answering these questions is actually the basis for the
deepest levels of passion, purpose, fulfillment, inner
peace, true prosperity, happiness and joy that I am
experiencing in my life all of the time, right now! Not even
whether ‘my’ personal desires come true or not, or when…

And remember, if you still feel confused, that is just part of
the process and more clarity will soon emerge. Be gentle
with your self and realize that this is not a moment of
manifestation but a period of rest and contemplation…

The seed needs to ‘gestate’ for a while before it can

‘sprout’ and grow into the most beautiful flower to spread
its fragrance and show its true colors, bringing joy!

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It took me more than 9 years to gain the clarity of answers
to these questions that I have now while writing these
pages and realizing at the same time that the questions
are still ‘alive and kicking’ and the questions and answers
will also continue to evolve along with my evolving Being-‐
ness. This is also when I started to really see the Truth
that the joy is in the journey and not in just reaching ‘the
destination’… that the journey is the destination…

NOW would actually be a good time for you to get a cup
of tea, make your self comfortable and go back over
these questions, start with the first one and choose one
of the different methods to receive your answers from
the Silence, before continuing to read.

Of course you can always come back later, however, my
experience has been that when I do not do things now,
they typically don’t get done for a while…
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Living the Answers
Now, having received these answers from the Silence,
from wealthy emptiness ~ your ultimate coach, is actually
a new beginning in your life. A life of living the answers!

What has been fascinating to me is that when the answers

to these questions appear to be coming from my ‘Higher
Self’, True Self, Spirit, Truth, then the actual
‘manifestation’ is an unfolding of (my) Life itself…

The life that is unfolding IS the manifestation of these

answers. It is not something I have to ‘do’. It is not that ‘I’
have to ‘manifest’ these things.

I have discovered that this is also why I have had difficulty
with the concept and most popular teachings around ‘The
Law of Attraction’ because to me it does not feel that ‘I’ am
attracting things ‘to me’ but that That which is wanting to
be lived out by Spirit through me and As Me, is what is
‘attracting me’ towards Itself as long as I remain in a state
of Surrendered Living and Allowing in Sacred Intimacy
With and As The Divine…
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When ‘i’ get busy with manifesting what ‘i’ think ‘i’ want, ‘i’
may actually achieve it, however it is typically not long
lasting nor truly satisfying.

So what if…, it is not about ‘me’ trying to manifest what ‘i’
want but ‘me’ aligning with what ‘I’, Spirit wants to live
through me, As Me and allow That to unfold exactly the
way it is unfolding in every moment of now!?

The Divine, Money & You

‘Now, does that guarantee that ‘i’ will end up with millions
in the bank?’, is what the mind is tempted to ask, of course.

I believe the answer to that question is ‘Yes’, if and when

that is what is part of the life experience that Spirit has in
store ‘for me’ and As Me in this lifetime! However, if the
life experience that wants to be lived out by Spirit, My
Deepest Self, for example is one of ‘selfless service without
a lot of money in the bank or possessions to my name’, then
I believe that the answer may be ‘No’ and that I would still
be living ‘in line’ with The Highest Divine Intent for me, As
Me.
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And, that ‘I’ would still be experiencing my circumstances
as truly abundant and prosperous, however abundant or
modest in a ‘material’ or monetary sense…

The more difficult question is, whether the ‘little i’ is okay
with that or is it the ‘little i’ that comes up with all kind of
arguments and justifications why it should still have
millions in the bank now that it is living in alignment with
‘The (Spiritual) Truth’ given that it is obvious that money
is also spiritual and that Spirit is the One & Only True
Source of all material abundance and prosperity?

I have found this the most fascinating of all questions and
am still in the process of discovering the answers every
day for my self. It is clearly everyone’s Divine birthright to
live in true abundance, vibrant health, prosperity and
well-‐being and still there are many beings who are also
totally at peace and happy living in modest circumstances.

So there is not ‘one answer fits all’…

There is really only Your Answer!
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In my own journey of trying to figure out why I had so
much difficulty in getting started offering value as a
(spiritual) life coach, business consultant, writer, speaker,
teacher, counselor or Satsang facilitator, I discovered a
hidden set of ‘innocent misunderstandings’ by the mind
based on my earliest experiences as a child in Church.
Every Sunday, my parents would take me to Church and
every Sunday the priests would collect money from the
congregation. Now of course, there was nothing wrong
with that because the donations or ‘Tithings’ were needed
to maintain the church and pay for the priests and the
things they needed for the mass and ceremonies.
However, what I discovered is how my ‘child’s’ mind has
innocently misinterpreted this whole experience as:
Ø ‘using the Name of God to collect money in
stead of Serving The Divine selflessly’
Ø collecting money ‘without giving any (tangible)
value in return’
Ø ‘using fear, shame and guilt in the sermon and
‘prayers’ to ‘force’ or emotionally influence the
congregation to Tithe more’
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Of course none of this was what the priests were doing, at
least not consciously, I think, but this is how the ‘visible
facts’ and my emotional experiences were perceived and
interpreted by the child’s mind and later ‘translated’ by
the adult ego and inner judge.

All changed only after I could actually see how this

misunderstanding of what was happening has been
interfering with my deepest heart’s desire to Serve The
Divine in writing, speaking, teaching and counseling and
allowing my self to receive a healthy financial
compensation for those services. Not only did my creative
juices finally got ‘turned on’ but my financial situation also
finally started to turn around and became healthy again.
Until that clarity of insight, my mind was trying to ‘get
around’ these embarrassing and ‘shameful’ feelings by
offering a ‘solution’ to this dilemma by believing it wanted
to create a ‘commercial’ life and business coaching and
consulting business. However, that was not fully in line
with my deepest heart’s desire of first and foremost being
a spiritual writer, speaker, teacher and ‘preacher’ or
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prophet of Spirit, in Service of The Divine. To really admit
that this is my deepest Truth and heart’s desire has been
the most difficult thing in my life thus far. And this despite
other challenging experiences like a difficult separation
and divorce from my ex and family, loosing all of my
money reserves, home and possessions, facing serious
health challenges and coming out as a lesbian
transgendered woman only a couple of years ago. This
proves to show how strong our early childhood
experiences can be influencing our thinking, our words,
our actions and our destiny when we ‘grow up’.

The real reason why I am so fascinated by this discovery is
that for years I had already been working on uncovering
and reframing limiting beliefs around self-‐worth, self-‐
esteem, deserving money, breaking though my fears of
failure and fears of success. And I tried everything to
‘break through’ whatever I believed was holding me back,
including doing the ‘karate punch wood board
breakthrough’ exercise, ‘walking barefoot on fire’ on 800
degrees hot coal and even ‘eating fire’ on stage!
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And still, the situation was not getting any better only
until I discovered this relatively innocent mis-‐
understanding by the child’s mind. And to see that this is
not what I would call a limiting belief but indeed, an
innocent misunderstanding, which however, blocked my
life energy to express itself in the direction of my Sacred
Destiny for several years if not a whole decade…

This is why each and every one of us will have to discover

the answers to these questions which are true for them
and there are no generic right or wrong answers. Our
individual past life experiences, unique temperament and
deepest heart’s desires are shaping the ‘perceived’ reality
by our mind. The real challenge is to distinguish between
the ‘true’ and the ‘false’ answers for our selves, especially
whether our thoughts, words, actions, behavior and
results are driven by our authentic True Self Nature or by
an entangled bundle of limiting and conditioned beliefs,
including these ‘innocent misunderstandings’, trapping us
in circumstances which are not truly in line with what we
really would want.
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The only reliable benchmark I have found in knowing
whether we are on our own, unique personal right track
is whether there is a deep sense of inner peace
irrespective of the circumstances or whether there is a
remaining (Divine) ‘discontent’…
(applied kinesiology or ‘muscle testing’ can help us reliably
discern the true from the false when asking these kind of
questions and I really highly recommend the work by Dr.
David Hawkins for those interested to go deeper…).

So I guess, my real message is that we all have to find our
own path to real passion, clear purpose, deep inner peace,
true prosperity and well-‐being, whatever these concepts
mean to You! And that finding, discovering or creating
our own, unique path is not a simple, straight forward
process but more of a zig-‐zag-‐like path through a thick
forest where we can’t see the forest for the trees…
Sometimes, we just do not know where we are, we do not
know where it is we want to go and even when we think
we do, it sometimes proves not to be what we Really want.
This is my experience about the process of Self-‐discovery.
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Still, in order to help you gain more clarity about all of
this, I have found the following process fascinating in
discovering what is really important to our True Self in
this lifetime. This is a similar silent meditation and writing
exercise as described above under method number 4 as
follows (and you may want to consider to listen to the
recommended music to this chapter during this exercise,
which is: “Returning” by Jennifer Berezan): Write the
following words each in the center of separate white
sheets of paper and freely associate what they mean to
you and write these words on the page around the center.
When emptied out on that page or when the flow slows
down, continue with the word that has the strongest
energy or emotion on a new sheet and repeat this process
3-‐5 times or until you have a clear sense of what is the
core of your Truth around these words and concepts:
ü Passion
ü Purpose
ü Power
ü Prosperity
ü Success
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ü Money
ü Peace
ü Love
ü Well-‐Being
ü Truth

This process will give you additional deep insights in what
is really important to you in your life experience and will
help you to make conscious choices in which direction to
go on your path when new ideas and opportunities arise.

The true power in all of these processes is finding your

own truth and preferred lifestyle by design, while Being
Your True Self, sharing your unique gifts and living your
true passions with a sense of deep inner peace, true
prosperity & well-‐being, immune to outer circumstances.

Enjoy the journey!!!

Recommended music: Returning ~ Jennifer Berezan

Visit www.yessicaalaya.wordpress.com for personal
support, private coaching sessions and online programs.
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BE STILL
"...be still..... listen..... and know..... I Am..."
and Spirit said:
"Life truly Is about radical free Self-‐expression...

About finding the courage and building Self-‐confidence and
Self-‐esteem while sharing your unique gifts and living your
true passions...
It is not about pleasing or appeasing the expectations of
others or your own conditioned mind...

Live Life Being You!

Turning your FEARS into your
Finally Excited, Authentic, Radiant Self!"
...slowly, I am starting to get it...
Be Still
BE STILL©
Yessica Alaya
February 3, 2013
PS "and I Am always available for a chat with a cup of tea...
to be still... and listen..."
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3 Absolute Truth

…Is-ness…

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So first, I wanted to keep this chapter blank as that is what
‘Absolute Truth’ is to me...blankness…wealthy emptiness…

And whether or not there is such a thing as ‘Absolute

Truth’ ~ which of course is itself just a set of words, a
label, made up by the human mind ~ what I choose to
refer to as ‘Absolute Truth’ is… “Is-‐ness”, “Thus-‐ness”:

Empty Space and ‘That What Is’ and ‘What Is Unfolding
Now’ in and from That, Empty Space

And this includes the whole Universe, The One Song as a

Whole! As It Is Right Now and as it is unfolding in every
split second of now.

Nothing excluded! As, where would that, which would be

excluded, have to go? It would still be part of ‘The
Universe’, as The Universe includes All! The All-‐Is-‐ness.

And when I speak of ‘The Universe’, I mean ‘The One

Universe’, The One that includes all the ‘parallel universes’
as and however they exist.
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Otherwise, ‘The’ Universe would not include everything
and would not be ‘The’ Universe! All else than ‘What Is’
and ‘What Is Unfolding Now’ are thoughts about ‘What Is’
and ‘What Is Unfolding Now’, or about ‘what is not’.

Including all questions like Who am I? and How to live?

With thought, there is interpretation. And with

interpretation comes the root cause for misunderstanding
and suffering. All of this is what I call ‘relative truth’ and it
all comes AFTER ‘That, What Is’ and is all man-‐made only.
The good news therefore is, that all misunderstanding and
suffering can also be resolved by that same process of
using critical thought and interpretation by seeing the
misunderstanding and confusion for what it is, man-‐made.
In order for us to return to our natural state of innocence
(not able of being hurt), remaining in and as conscious,
choice-‐less awareness, in every moment of now. This may
sound difficult or impossible, but it is actually ‘Be-‐able’!

Recommended music: Return to Innocence ~ Enigma
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I AM THIS NOW

I Am
I Am This
I Am This Now
I Am Pure Being
I Am This Life Itself
I Am This Moment Of Now
I Am The Whole Universe Now
I Am All Of This In This Moment Of Now
And Now, And Now, And Now, And Now, And Now
I Am That Which Is Aware Of All Of This Now
I Am That Which Is Aware
I Am That Awareness
I Am That
I Am

I AM THIS NOW
Yessica Alaya
17/11/2012

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4 Relative truth

…my truth, your truth or The Truth?...

BEFORE thought, there is just PURE BEING, HERE NOW,

NOW HERE and ‘WHAT IS, IS’ and ‘WHAT IS UNFOLDING, IS
WHAT IS UNFOLDING’, all very clear and simple.

With the arising of thoughts and feelings (which are

actually created by (sub-‐)conscious thoughts), there is
perception and interpretation. And with personal
perception and interpretation comes the root cause for
misunderstanding and suffering because all interpretation
is based on old – conditioned – knowledge. This creates a
‘my truth’ and a ‘your truth’ versus ‘what (f)actually is so’
or ‘The Truth’. All of this interpretation is ‘relative truth’.

This personal perception, interpretation and naming and

labeling of what seems to be going on, is the basis, the root
cause for different people living in ‘different realities’, in
different ‘versions’ of the same One Reality of ‘What Is’.

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This is also the root cause of all conflict. And this includes
all outer conflicts in our relationships, job, business,
family or conflicts between nations, as well as inner
conflicts. The confusion and overwhelm in our own mind
is based on different parts, ‘sub-‐personalities’ and bundles
of limiting beliefs and convictions which also have a
different perception and interpretation of what seems to
be happening and what to do about it to ‘fix the problem’.

This ‘relative truth’ is also the root cause of all anger,

jealousy, greed and aggression. Of all violence and wars.

All of these ‘problems’ are based on the perceived

difference between ‘a my truth’ and ‘a your truth’, while
when looking deeply into ‘what actually is so’, one would
find that these ‘relative truths’ are different from ‘what is
so’ and that there is a common ground or common benefit
in first agreeing on and accepting ‘what is’ right now and
then agreeing on a new course of action that is beneficial
and nurturing to the greater good of all involved, whether
different people, nations or sub-‐personalities in our mind.

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This does not mean that in some (extreme) situations one
should not set clear boundaries of what is acceptable and
unacceptable behavior but in a highly conscious
environment, this would typically only be the case in
extreme circumstances of immediate danger for life or
death and defending oneself or their beloveds against the
uncontrollable aggression of others.

All ‘problems’ Humanity is facing right now or in the

future therefore can be resolved through first raising
conscious awareness of ‘what is actually so’, and what the
actions or non-‐actions are that seem to cause the
perceived ‘problems’. The conscious awareness thereof is
also ‘the basis for any sustainable solution’ as it addresses
the root cause and not just the symptoms.

It is the perceived separation of individual bodies, groups

of people, nations and even different thoughts that cause
the words and actions that are the root cause of
‘problems’. Once it is seen that all of these seemingly
‘separate’ things are connected and ‘One’ in the one field
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of energy and information, it will be obvious that there is
only One planet Earth, One Humanity and that sharing the
space and resources of planet Earth equally amongst all, is
the only way that Humanity will be able to prolong its
existence on this planet beyond a couple of hundred years.

Planet Earth and its Natural Habitat with its oceans,

forests, mountains, minerals, plants, animals and Life itself
will continue for a couple of million years (until the sun
cools down or heats up a few degrees which will be
enough to extinguish life on Earth altogether) irrespective
of ‘our good or bad behavior’ as human beings. However, if
Humanity wants to continue for a few thousand years or
more, this will only happen when more people understand
that they are living in defensiveness of their personally
perceived and interpreted ‘relative truth’ and do not yet
see, are not yet aware of Absolute Truth, of ‘That What Is’.

Defending personal, relative truth is only relevant in the

short term time horizon of a day, a week, a month, a year,
10 years or even 100 years of trying to ‘win’ or be ‘ahead’
95

of ‘others’, but is not a sustainable option for Humanity to
survive another 500 years or more.

Once you have seen the eternal time horizon of the eternal
Now, and can see that Humanity and its lifetime on Earth
is just a split second in the lifetime of Earth, let alone in
the lifetime of The Universe, one can see that ‘all truth is
relative’ and ‘winning’ and ‘getting ahead’ become silly…

When one starts to look deeply at ‘what appears to be

happening’ and starts to see The Truth, versus ‘my truth’
and ‘your truth’, the right answers and right actions that
nurture and nourish all of those involved will arise
spontaneously out of that conscious awareness.

In my life I have seen that whenever I tried to ‘force’

solutions based on ‘my truth’ and ‘my will’, even when I
was totally convinced that ‘my truth’ was The Truth, most
of the time the solution only gave minimum benefit and
often created new ‘problems’. Whereas when I remain in a
state of loving, conscious, witnessing awareness and allow
the situation itself to unfold and resolve itself in a new
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direction, the solutions present them selves and benefit all
involved in a way that I could never have rationally
imagined or planned my self, upfront.

However, what does seem to have a significant impact on

the solution unfolding, is a loving intention set consciously
for an outcome that is in the best interest of all involved,
without ‘me’ being attached to one specific result or
manner in which this result should be achieved.

This loving conscious intention is an energy and

information package introduced by You into the field of
the One Divine Consciousness and it does influence and
affect all further movements and unfolding of that same
One energy and information field of Consciousness.

The loving, conscious intentions I typically introduce are:

Love, Peace and Harmony. Happiness, Joy and Ecstasy.

Creativity, Beauty and Abundance.
Laughter, Fun and Prosperity.

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Additionally, I almost continuously introduce the
following loving, conscious and energy harmonizing
intention towards The One Divine Consciousness based on
the Ho’onoponopono Healing method which I learned
from Joe Vitale in his book ‘Zero Limits’ which has truly
‘saved my life’ on several occasions when I really needed it
in moments of panic and even suicidal despair. I can
highly recommend this book for you to read and study the
details about this method for Your Self!:

“I’m sorry, please forgive me, I thank you and I love you
and may all unfold in the highest and best interest of all
involved, and I do not need to understand why or how.”

What I notice immediately when I do this, is that my own
energy field becomes much more loving, peaceful,
harmonious and joyful and that this is the vibration my
energy field radiates out to The Universe. Based on the
Laws of Attraction, Polarity and Reciprocity, we know that
what we sow, we will reap. What we give we will receive.
What we radiate out, will radiate back.

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And even if that would not be so, ‘I’ actually feel better
because the energy field that is the Source of my state of
Being, the Source of my thoughts, the Source of my
feelings and Source of my actual life experience, feels
lighter, feels better, feels happier, right here, right now.
I instantly feel more loving, peaceful, harmonious, joyful,
happy, creative, beautiful, abundant and prosperous. And
this state of Consciousness is the True Source of the solution
for all of our perceived ‘conflicts’ and ‘problems’, whether
within our own mind or with the ‘outside world’.

Try it for your self and repeat this sentence softly and
gently in your own mind at least 11 times right now, and
see how it changes how you feel, right now:

“I’m sorry, please forgive me, I thank you and I love you,
I’m sorry, please forgive me, I thank you and I love you,
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I’m sorry, please forgive me, I thank you and I love you!”

This sentence is not directed towards someone

specifically but towards The One Divine Consciousness
Field as a Whole. Just notice how you feel now compared
to only a minute ago without having to understand what
actually happened or what has caused the change in your
feelings.

Once You Experience Your True Self As The One

Consciousness Field Itself, it is also obvious that there is
no such thing as a separation between an ‘inside’ and
‘outside’ world because all of it, the whole thing, the whole
Universe is contained in The One Field of Consciousness,
which is Your True Self Nature, which is your extended
body. Therefore, all ‘other’ things, people, thoughts,
experiences, ‘conflicts’ and ‘problems’ are all included in
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‘your’ field of consciousness and when it is all ‘included’
and ‘inclusive’ then there can be no ‘real’ conflict or
problem. Then everything that is perceived, ‘just is’ as ‘it
is’ and ‘perceived problems’ are just that… ‘perceived’.

The best ‘practices’ I have found in my own journey to ‘see
through’ the relative truth of everything and especially my
own ‘defensiveness’ and wanting to be right about my
personally perceived relative truths, including the
conflicts in my own mind, are the following:

1 Daily meditation and contemplation. Sitting

in silence and just ‘observing’ and witnessing
my own thoughts, feelings, judgments and
patterns of defensiveness and wanting to be
right and how these behaviors are all based on
‘believing my personal version of the ‘truth’.

2 Practicing ‘non-‐judgment’ during the day.

Especially when interacting with and
observing the behavior of other people. To just
witness and really ‘see’ what is actually
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happening and how many interactions
between people are based on this
defensiveness of their personally perceived
‘truth’ and how easy it is to see that neither of
those typically represent ‘The Truth’ as seen by
You, the objective, outside observer.

3 Pausing before reacting to what someone

else says or when they are trying to defend or
prove their point and just notice how quickly
we are tempted to react with a defending
response based on our personal version of ‘the
truth’. To take the time to ‘truly listen’ and
contemplate our own answer before reacting.

4 Seeing everything from all different angles.

Consider every point of view in an argument
and ask “How can this (other/different) point
of view also be ‘true’?”, and “Can I see how
their point of view is true for them?”. And then
you may want to contemplate on how your
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point of view may not be true for them and
consider a new approach to your conversation.

5 Practicing acceptance & forgiveness of ‘what

is’ happening and what has happened in the
past, now that you understand that everyone is
living in their own version of reality. You can
also see now how everyone is acting and
reacting from their own personal perception
and interpretation of what appears to be
happening and that their actions and reactions
are also coming from their best intentions
based on their perspective and level of
consciousness in that moment. Just like yours
are coming from your best and loving
intentions for all involved.

6 Contemplating on what is the ‘common

truth’ instead of comparing and ‘fighting over’,
‘my truth’ versus ‘your truth’ as a starting
point for finding a solution that benefits all
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involved. Looking for the common ground to
start with. And even more importantly maybe,
a common goal with mutual interest is
something that can shift the defensive
reactivity into a new sense of creativity and co-‐
operation.

7 Boiling the hot potatoes before serving them.

To allow your self and the other person in a
(threatening) argument or conflict to first take
a time-‐out on your own and to meditate, reflect
and contemplate on the matter taking all of the
above approaches into consideration and
playing out the different alternative scenario’s
in your mind or on paper before engaging in
the discussion with the person involved. The
problem is often that ‘in the heat of the
moment’ the (suppressed) emotions play up
and fuel the fire of defensiveness and ‘wanting
to win and prove to be right’ while this need is
much less of a driver when the whole issue has
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been reflected on in the calmness and coolness
of your meditation and personal reflection.
And ask the silence “What is the answer here?”.
(with a big thank you to Thich Nhat Hanh’s
approach in his book ‘Embrace Your Anger’!).

And as always, this only works when you actually do it!

‘Your reality’ and the reality of those around you who are
interacting with you will start to change significantly
based on these approaches to start to see through the
relativity of everyone’s personal truth versus ‘The Truth’.

And even though initially this will only seem to

‘subjectively’ change your perceived and interpreted
‘reality’, you will start to notice that your actual life
experience and what is happening physically will start to
change ‘objectively’ as well, as raising your conscious
awareness will start to influence the unfolding of the One
Consciousness in its physical expression and
manifestation.

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This is the power of Surrendered Living in loving kindness
and conscious and ‘choice-‐less’ awareness where you will
stop ‘having single points of view’. And even when you do,
you will be more open to the points of view of others and
will experience less conflict and argument. You will find
your self in a life of less judgment, less anger and
frustration and more love, peace and harmony and will
still be able to realize your goals and dreams, often even
with much less effort than before.

All the great Spiritual teachers have said that learning to

discern the ‘false as false’ is the only way to start seeing
what is true and this is what I am experiencing in my life
as well. However, this is not always as easy as it would
seem because the (sub-‐)conscious mind is very cunning in
its ways of convincing us that the ‘false’ is ‘the truth’. This
requires a sustained awake alertness and a regular ‘pause’
to reflect on what appears to be happening, right now.

Recommended music: Love Is The Only Prayer ~ Asha
Visit www.yessicaalaya.wordpress.com for support.
106

PEACE ON A PARK BENCH

Whenever You Feel Stressed,
Overwhelmed,
Down And Out,
Or Desperate,

Know That These Are All Just
Comings and Goings,
Like the White or Dark Clouds,
Against the Eternally, Infinite Blue Sky,

Of You As Pure Awareness,
Aware of The Comings and Goings,
Welcoming Them To Come,
Welcoming Them To Go,

Totally At Peace and Fulfilled,
Resting Deeply Now,
Sitting On A Park Bench,
Listening To The Silence,

Hearing The Birds Sing Their Song,
Joyfully and Carefree,
Welcoming The New Day That Has Come,
Enjoying Being Alive,

Enjoying Just Being.

Yessica Alaya
29/1/2012
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5 Keeping It Simple

…less is truly more...

The real challenge in life is often to keep things simple.

I have been thinking about writing ‘a book’ about my

spiritual insights and experiences for many years now…
and started with ‘a first chapter’ several times…

But it took until spring 2013 before I actually found my

Self, writing and finishing this first book.

And I ended up writing it in three weeks… more or less…

(And then it took a little more time to format and edit

properly, but still, it was much ‘easier’ than I could have
ever imagined…)

Now, is it perfect? Or even good enough?

Hmmm… I do not know and actually ‘i’ do not think it is…

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But, what would be the benchmark for that?

I basically just wrote what I felt inspired to write, one

page at a time, one paragraph at a time.

I believe that inspiration came from Spirit, or ‘my Higher

Self’, The Divine, Silence or from wealthy emptiness ~ my
ultimate coach.

Whatever or wherever it came from, this is what wanted

to be written.

And will it be of value to someone?

I do not know…

It has been my intention to create value in writing it and I
trust it will be. Even if you just use it to find the
inspiration and confidence to write your own ‘imperfect
perfect first book’!

It has already been of value to me, because writing this, I
not only have experienced living one of my passions giving
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me real joy and excitement but also have found more
clarity on the core of ‘my message’ and how I have been
struggling with the questions in Chapter 2 for such a long
time. And to see how I have found my way out of the maze
and entanglement of confusion, overwhelm, fear, doubt,
anxiety and procrastination. And in such a way that I did
not have to solve these individually with different skills
and strategies but that they ‘fell away’ once I got clear on
the answers to the questions in the sequence as presented.

This tells me also that there are probably more people

struggling with the same questions and therefore I trust
that Spirit will make sure that this book and its message
will be found by those who need it most.

Now, maybe you are asking your self, yes, that is all very
nice, but now what? How can I live that what I have
discovered? And my answer is… I don’t know… You will
have to discover that for your self. I have been looking for
that answer for years in the more than three thousand
books I have read and hundreds of workshops I have
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attended and every time I read or heard something that
seemed to make sense, I applied some of it… or not… And,
yes, I am very grateful for all of these books and teachers
and workshops, because they have given me the breadth
and depth of insights that I now truly enjoy, even though I
may not even be ‘applying’ 30% of what I have ever
learned in the different – and sometimes contradictory –
skills and strategies. In the end I have noticed that I am
living my life ‘my way’…

And I notice that, whenever I can actually relax into that,

without listening to the inner critic and self-‐judgment that
play up sometimes trying to convince me that ‘I should be
living differently’, I feel deeply at peace and a sense of
causeless joy and carefreeness starts to arise from within,
without me having to figure out ‘how to live’.

So all I know now is that I regularly pause and reflect on

the questions in Chapter 2, and deeply look into in what
appears to be happening and how I feel in this moment
and trust that the questions and contemplation will do
111

their work and the answers will find their way to me in
their own due timing. When I allow Life to flow and unfold
itself to me without me trying to ‘create it’ or force it, that
is when I feel most peaceful and at ease.

And then I notice there are other times when something in
me gets very busy and excited, like actually writing these
pages and that also feels part of that unfolding.

So, all I can say is that this seems to be my way of living

right now and it seems to be working more and more for
me, and, I know that you will have to find your own way.

This is really about discovering what is your truth and

learning to live according to that truth as best you know
how, in this moment. And even though this may sound
truly simple… it is not always easy yet…

Recommended music: Prophecy ~ Asha
112

I AM

Frosty Morning
Crack of Dawn
High Noon Shine
Afternoon Blues
Evening Red
Midnight Sky
I Am

I AM / Frosty Morning
Yessica Alaya
January 31, 2013

113

6 Why It Is Not Always Easy Yet

…when it’s not easy yet, something’s missing…

So what is it that keeps us from having what we want?

Very simply put, inner conflicts and distractions.

When our conscious and subconscious mind are not in

alignment with our True Self Nature and purpose of being
here, we will not be able to create what we Really want.

We will experience confusion, doubt, inner conflicts,

procrastination and fear and we will allow ourselves to
get distracted by all kind of ‘other’ things and people.

On the other hand, when we are in full alignment, we will
already, instantly, experience what we Really want
because that is love, peace and joy and these are available
in this moment, right here, right now.

We will actually already experience these immediately

when we start living in alignment with our True Self
114

Nature AS Spirit, AS Pure Being Awareness and are
following inspired actions and an allowing attitude
towards that ‘what is’ and ‘is unfolding’ and to what we
want to create as value for others in our own unique way.

For example, for years I was trying to ‘get’ the outcome,

the results, the symbols of creating value for others, like
money or a new car and it felt like effort and hard work
and I only experienced fulfillment, love, peace and joy
briefly, if at all, once I had attained these goals.

And then for years I tried to start my own coaching and

consulting business which I believed was my true passion
and unique gift and believed that the only reason why ‘it
wasn’t working’ was because I had limiting beliefs, self-‐
esteem issues or ‘money-‐wounds’ and that with a deep re-‐
programming of my subconscious mind and replacing my
limiting beliefs with empowering beliefs I would finally be
able to create and manifest what I believed I wanted.

However, whatever I tried, ‘it was not working’… until…

115

Until I stated all over… from scratch… with the questions
in Chapter 2. And it was only through that process of deep
reflection and contemplation that I finally discovered that
what ‘i’ believed ‘i’ wanted, was not what ‘I’ Really
wanted!

It was not a coaching and consulting business I wanted,

even though it was and is one of my true passions…
I finally discovered and was able to admit to my self, that
what ‘i’ believed ‘i’ wanted ‘is just not working’ and that
what ‘I’ Really want is: ‘not working’… that what I Really
want is write spiritual, experiential books and poetry and
offering private Satsang sessions and group Satsang
retreats and helping people to get crystal clear on who
they really are, why they are here and what they really
want and how to live that in their own unique way!
And all of that feels like ‘service’ and ‘playing’ to me and
not like working!!! Wow!
So much for Life and Language leaving clues about Truth!
But a blind spot is called a blind spot because it is a blind
spot until it no longer is a blind spot…, right!?
116

Now, right in this moment that I am writing this book,
these sentences, this play of words, I feel a deep and
intense love, inner peace, bubbling joy and childlike
excitement of just doing what I am doing, writing this
sentence, this word, knowing that someday this will be of
value to someone reading this. And that someone is You,
now in this moment!

And the funny thing is that even though I have not yet
received the ‘material outcome’, the results of my work
(money or appreciation) in this moment of now when I
am writing this, I will have received these ‘results’ by the
time, in this moment of now, when you are reading it…
(which shows again how everything is happening at the
same time, in this eternal moment of Now…).

What I have found in my journey is that once you are

Crystal Clear on who and what You are, why You are here,
what You Really want and how to live that your way, all
else starts to happen spontaneously by itself as if the Life
Force has been waiting for all of these things to be totally
117

clear and aligned before It could express Itself fully and
authentically in value creating activities. And that this
value creation is both giving and receiving at the same
time as I am experiencing the fulfillment, love, peace, joy
and harmony that I wish to ‘give’ to you right now even
before you have ‘received it’, as well as by writing and
sharing my experiences with my deepest wish and highest
intention for you to experience the same!

Suddenly, all previous notions of ‘fear’, doubt and anxiety

or even procrastination just miraculously dissolve after
having tried many different ‘coping mechanisms’,
‘breakthrough strategies’ and coaching and healing
modalities to deal with them.

Confusion turns into clarity, conflicts dissolve, doubt

disappears, and your ‘fears’ turn into your ‘Finally
Excited, Authentic & Radiant Self’!

What I have discovered is that until I was totally clear on
who and what I am, why I am here, what I want and how
to live that my way, all of these ‘inner conflicts’ and
118

‘distractions’, ‘limiting beliefs’ and ‘unhealthy habits’, and
even most of my ‘outer conflicts’ and ‘unwanted
circumstances’, were actually only symptoms of the fact
that there was still something missing in that clarity and
alignment of my deepest inner Truth!

So, if you are at a point in your life where you are asking
your self ‘What is next?’, or ‘Who am I?’, ‘Why am I here?’,
‘Is this all there is?’, ‘What do I really want?’, ‘What is my
purpose?’, and ‘What is the real meaning of my life?’ then I
suggest you start by asking and contemplating the
questions in Chapter 2 in that sequence with the methods
described and ask Your True Self, wealthy emptiness ~
your ultimate coach, to help You get Total Clarity Now
and everything will start to fall into place.

Especially when you feel you have ‘tried everything’ to

realize your dream and ‘it is still not working’, then you
may want to consider what is ‘missing’ based on the
sequence of questions in Chapter 2 and my experiences
shared with you in this book.

119

And yes, we are complete and perfect, just as we are in
this moment and in every moment of our lives and we
do not ‘need’ anything to make us complete or ‘whole’.

However, I have also found that until our life experience

and unfolding of our heart’s desire is not flowing
effortlessly, easy and with inner peace and joy, that
‘something is missing’… even if it is just accepting and
loving our selves and our circumstances just as they are
right now as a new starting point to create something
new. And the good news is that we can start to create
something new in every single split second of now. We do
get a second chance every second, knowing now that the
past is past, that the future will never arrive and that this
Now is the only time that we can start again. And that it is
never too late to start again, even from scratch, to start a
new chapter in your life! I wish you A Beautiful New
Beginning Now!

Music: Diamonds -‐ Rihanna
Visit www.yessicaalaya.wordpress.com for a new start.
120

ONCE IN A WHILE

Life is Precious and very fragile,
It is often only once in a while,
That we notice.

When Life issues a Notice,
That it is not us who are in control,
Of neither Life or death,

But Life Itself Is The One!
In Control,
Of Giving Life or allowing death.

And is asking us To Be!
Agile,
Not only once in a while,
But In Every Moment of Life,

To Be Aware!
Of the Beauty and Aliveness,
Inspired, Animated and Lived by Living Life Itself,

As All and Everything,
As US,
All of the time,
Not Only Once In A While…!

ONCE IN A WHILE©
Yessia Alaya
September 1, 2012
121

7 The Final Chapter

…You Will Achieve Your What When You
Live Your Why…

So, let us review where we are…

We are here, now, pure being-‐ness, pure life, pure

awareness. Able to create something new, in every moment
of now. Maybe not a new car in the driveway or one
million dollars in cash on our desk instantly, but we are
able to create something of value like loving kindness, a
book, a song, a product or a service, for our selves or for
someone else, who is willing and able to reward us for that
value with appreciation, love, gratitude, money or other
benefits. With that money or these benefits we can pursue
what we believe we want in material possessions like the
house, the car or the boat or new experiences, like travel
or dancing or learning something new. Or we can create
humanitarian help projects or more valuable products and
services. We can create whatever we want, right now!
122

We will still not be able to ‘purchase’ true love, nurturing
relationships or well-‐being. We will still not be able to
‘purchase’ true joy, happiness, time and ‘Life Itself’.
However, these we can have right here, right now… How?

By Living Our Why!

Let me explain.

So after I had finally figured out the power of the sequence
of the questions in Chapter 2 that worked for me to find
my true passions, share my unique gifts and find a deep
sense of inner peace, fulfillment and true prosperity, I
found there were still two questions missing because the 7
questions and their answers in themselves were not
keeping me motivated ‘when the going gets though’...
These additional questions were:

Question # 1: What is The Ultimate Dream I want?

Question # 2: Why do I want all or any of this?

123

The answers prove to be the real driving force and lasting
motivation to ‘keep me going’ until I have realized my
dreams... Sooo… What are your’s? These are mine:

My ‘Ultimate Dream’ Is To Live As A Beautiful Being

with other Beautiful Beings on this Beautiful Planet in
Love, Peace and Harmony and I will write, speak, teach
and travel to share my books, poetry, key notes,
workshops, seminars, private Satsang sessions, ‘silent’
Satsang Retreats and Spiritual Travel Experiences. To live
my true passions of writing, speaking, teaching and
‘preaching’, of dancing and singing and slow cooking and
soft love-‐making. To share my unique gifts and contribute
my purpose to awaken and en-‐lighten Humanity to an
ever higher state of consciousness. To uplift and unburden
and to inspire and encourage millions to Realize Your True
Potential, both Spiritually & ‘Worldly’, in SELF-‐Realization
and self-‐Actualization, experiencing deep inner peace and
true prosperity. To meet In Truth with millions like You
and share a little of our precious time together on this
beautiful planet Earth we call Home!
124

And My Truly Motivating ‘Why’ is:
Surrendered Living In Sacred Intimacy With The Divine
in every single moment of now, where-‐ever I Am,
experiencing deep inner peace, causeless joy and true
prosperity, no matter what the circumstances.
And to give back through my Foundation to help those
who need it most to find the courage, self-‐confidence and
inspiration to create their own life by their own design.

For me, this is True Spiritual, emotional and financial

freedom, with and without money!

And even though some of the details of my Ultimate

Dream are still unfolding, I know it will manifest, knowing
now, I do not ‘need’ realization of The Dream to already
live my ‘Why’, right here, right now, no matter what.

And to notice, that I am not living my ‘Why’ in order to

‘get’ The Dream… This is living with a clear desire and
intent without being attached to a specific outcome, in
Surrender to Spirit to provide me with the inspiration to
create value for others in order to live my Why and
125

receive my What in Divine Timing and Divine Order if and
when that is in line with my Highest Destiny.

The most fascinating of all of this for me is that I now

realize that I have unknowingly stumbled upon ‘my way’
of realizing my dream life ‘by ‘seeing’ (or dreaming!) and
Being my dream life into Being’…

I have ‘seen’ this vision for my life purpose and preferred
lifestyle for many many years now and basically all I have
done is kept that vision alive again and again and just
refined and nurtured it by repeatedly reflecting on the
core questions of Chapter 2 and continuing to write about:

‘What is true for me in this moment?’

And to deeply reflect on the answers that come. To look

for the true and the false. To look into the thoughts and
feel the feelings. To first recognize, acknowledge and
accept them, just as they are now and then see whether
and how they serve me or not and how I can replace them
with better serving thoughts and feelings. Just by
126

witnessing my thoughts and feelings, most of the time
they already change spontaneously and typically
‘improve’. And when they do not, then I now know that…
“There is still something missing”. Something that I have
not ‘seen’ or ‘felt’ yet and that still wants to be seen, felt,
recognized, acknowledged and understood before the
process can continue. This is not always easy yet, and I
notice that it gets easier the more I do it and the more I
trust the process as a natural part of my life’s unfolding.

And even though my living circumstances have changed
dramatically during all of these years and would seem to
be insurmountable for me right now to realize The Dream,
the truth is that now, in this moment, where I seem to be
at the absolute ‘hitting rock bottom low-‐point’ of my outer
life circumstances, living with my sister’s family, without
money, in serious debt, in a burnout and transition, I am
actually writing my first book with clarity, which clearly is
the basis and foundation for living my Ultimate Dream Life
and sharing my true passion and unique gift.
127

The funny thing is that it was only recently that I read this
beautiful, simple and yet profound insight:

“To be a writer, you have to write!”

So in order to ‘get’ what we ‘want’, we have to start being
and doing what we would have to be and do to ‘get that’.

So if it is love and peace we want, we will have to start to
be loving and peaceful. And if we want to be a writer we
will have to start to write. And if we want to be a speaker
or a counselor we will have to start to speak or counsel, no
matter how small and no matter what the outside
circumstances. So just get started again with reflecting on
the questions outlined in this book to get more Clarity on
who You are, why You are here, what You really want and
how to live that in Your unique personal way and start
seeing and Being it into Being-‐ness! And It will Be So!
I wish you a beautiful and joyous journey and I look
forward meeting you in Truth soon!
Be You! Be Youthiful! Be Joyous!
Music: Forever Young ~ Laura Brannigan
128

HOME

For A Long Time I Believed
Home Is Nowhere…
Now I Know
Home Is Now Here…

Home Is Here Now

Home Is Harmony
Home Is Source
Home Is Space
Home Is Peace
Home Is Spirit
Home Is Love
Home Is I Am
I Am Home
Home Is
I Am
Home

HOME ©
Yessica Alaya
Home, April 17, 2012
129

Afterword
…From the foreword to I AM THAT…
The seeker is s/he who is in search of her/himself.

Give up all questions except one: ‘Who Am I?’
After all, the only fact you are sure of is that you are.
The ‘I Am’ is certain. The ‘I am this or that’ is not.
Struggle to find out what you are in reality.

To know what you are, you must first investigate and know
what you are not.

Discover all that you are not – body, feelings, thoughts, time,
space, this or that – nothing, concrete or abstract, which
you perceive can be you. The very fact and act of perceiving
shows that you are not what you perceive.

The clearer you understand that on the level of mind you
can be described in negative terms only, the quicker will you
come to the end of your search and realize that you are the
limitless Being.

~Sri Nasargadatta Maharaj
In Eternal Gratitude ~ Yessica Alaya

130

About The Author

Yessica Alaya

Yessica Alaya is a Pretty, Good Selling Author
Transformational & In-‐Spiritual Speaker
TransceGending Mystic & Scribe™, Subtle Energy Healer
Spiritual, Emotional & Financial Freedom Coach
EnterTRainer of True Prosperity University™ Programs:
R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Re-‐Invention of Your SELF, not the Wheel™:
Realize Your True Potential by Living Your Truth
in an Ambiguous World!
The Divine, Money & You™:
From Golden Handcuffs to Real Financial Freedom
Professional & Business Mastery Success Coach
Conscious C.A.R.I.N.G. Leadership Consultant
FunnyWordArtist™ & Sit-‐Down Comedienne™

It is her passion and purpose to help millions like you to unravel
the knots of confusion, fear, doubt, inner conflicts, distractions and
overwhelm into crystal clear clarity about who you really are, why
you are here, what you really want and how to live that in your
own unique way. Of Radical Re-‐Invention of your Self to Realize
Your True Potential by Living Your Truth in an Ambiguous World
in Service of Humanity, in Sacred Intimacy with and As The Divine.
131

More Resources

You are welcome to have a look for more resources at
www.yessicaalaya.wordpress.com

No matter where you are on your journey of SELF-‐

Realization and self-‐Actualization, I am more than happy
to provide you with the support you may need.

In addition to more books, online programs and public

speaking events, I also offer the opportunity for a selected
number of people to apply for private spiritual Satsang or
personal life and business coaching sessions and also offer
regular Satsang Retreats in various locations in the world.

For those of you who want to turn your passions and gifts
into your business and ‘right livelihood’ I also offer
R.A.D.I.C.A.L. Re-‐Invention & True Prosperity Workshops
and Conscious C.A.R.I.N.G. Business Development
seminars. I am also available for Corporate Training and
Conscious C.A.R.I.N.G. Leadership Executive Coaching.

132

“The books and teachers I highly recommend that have been
a major resource in my life to find the deep inner peace, joy
and true fulfillment in Sacred Intimacy with & As The Divine
I Am experiencing now, no matter what the circumstances”:
I AM THAT ~ Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
A 1000 Names For Joy/The Work ~ Byron Katie
The Power of Now/Silence Speaks ~ Eckhart Tolle
The Seven Spiritual Laws Of Success ~ Deepak Chopra
Answered Prayers/The Right to Write ~ Julia Cameron
Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire ~ Deepak Chopra
The Ultimate Tao/The Book of Secrets ~ OSHO
Power vs. Force/Eye of the I/I ~ Dr. David Hawkins
The Sacred Yes/Your Deepest Intent ~ Rev. D Johnson
Your Sacred Self/Wishes Fulfilled ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer
When Everything Changes… ~ Neale Donald Walsh
Zero Limits (Book & Healing Music) ~ Joe Vitale
Being/Given/Space ~ Florian Tataghata
Freedom Is/The Journey ~ Brandon Bays
Your Time is Now ~ Joel Osteen

Visit www.yessicaalaya.wordpress.com
and Receive your FREE Gifts Now!
133

You Giving Back
Through
The Yessica Alaya Foundation

The Yessica Alaya Foundation sponsors and
initiates Humanitarian Projects to expand consciousness,
education, health-‐care, peace and prosperity in developing
communities, initially in India and Africa. The organizations
the Foundation will work with include www.sewa.org,
www.kiva.org and other organizations mainly focusing on
empowering women and children in developing
communities to create a life of their own design, on their
own terms like www.impossible2possible.com. It is my
commitment to apply 30% of all income through my
services to these kind of projects. It is my deepest wish and
intent that all Sentient Beings may be free of suffering and
abuse and can enjoy and celebrate life in safety, security,
love, peace, harmony, happiness, joy, ecstasy, creativity,
beauty, abundance, passion, purpose, peace and prosperity.

Visit www.yessicaalaya.wordpress.com for more details on
projects funded by The Yessica Alaya Foundation.

If you feel I can be of service to you to find Crystal Clear
Clarity on finding your answers to the questions in this
book and create a new life on your own terms by your
own design please visit www.yessicaalaya.wordpress.com.
134

You Are That which Is Your Source. You Are That which You
are looking for. You Are That. Already. Always. Now.

You Are That which Is the Source of Your Dreams & Desires.
You Are That which Is the Power to Imagine, Create and
Manifest Your Dreams & Desires. You Are That. Already.
Always. Now. You Are That Wealthy Emptiness.

You Are That which Sees Your Dreams & Desires into Being.
You Are That. Already. Always. Now.

You Are That!
~ Wealthy Emptiness

135

Wellness ~ Spirituality ~ Personal Growth ~ Prosperity

What ever we think we are seeking, We Are Longing for
Living, Living In Sacred Intimacy With The Divine.
All Beings Are Longing for Love, Peace & Harmony,
Happiness, Joy & Ecstasy.
May this experiential book help You to find and
Live Your Deepest Longing!
Namasté
Yessica Alaya
136

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Y

Having What You Really Want!

It is my deepest wish and highest intent that

~ Yessica Alaya 31/3/13

2013© Yessica Alaya

Co-Published by [Balboa Press, a Division of HayHouse

Editorial & Production: Yessica Alaya

You Are What Your Deep, Driving Desire Is.

As Your Heart’s Desire Is, So Are Your Thoughts.

As Your Thoughts Are, So Are Your Words.

As Your Words Are, So Are Your Actions.

As Your Actions Are, So Is Your Sacred Destiny…

(A somewhat Free Interpretation of the Sacred Words

of the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5)

And in Special Appreciation and

Dr. Robert Schuler, Deepak Chopra, Joel Osteen,

Who, All of You, In Your Own Magnificent & Unique

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

Conscious C.A.R.I.N.G. Living & Leadership

A New Beginning Now

The Divine, Money & You

The Happy Transcesexual:

“when it is not working… there is something missing”

“A situation is only a problem when You believe it is…

You Have A Dream 17

1 I Am ~ Awareness ~ You Are 37

2 The Power of Sequence Is… 52

5 Keeping It Simple 108

6 Why It Is Not Always Easy Yet 114

7 The Final Chapter 122

About The Author 131

More Resources 132

You Giving Back 134

There is NowHere to Go, NoThing To Do, Just Be!

2) ‘Being’ would actually be the shortest possible answer as

It May Be The Ultimate Answer To All ‘Problems’!

In The Beginning… You H ave A D ream …

Or to even try to get rid of this dream and yearning

You’ve tried goal-­‐setting and applying success principles.

You changed your social environment and friends.

Or you’ve even created a Master Mind Group, a Movement

You have read thousands of self-­‐help and self-­‐

You’ve tried dozens of different healing modalities and

But none of this has given you this deep sense of

Then you have even considered the monastery, moving to

Guess what. You still totally feel stuck. Or even more so

And then there is still… that dream… there still is this

And trying again, finding your way out of this confusion of

And then maybe, you finally collapse and surrender…

And you say: ‘Enough is Enough!’

‘I want clarity. I DEMAND CLARITY!’

To help you get clarity. To unravel the knots of

To get back to basics.

To get back to the core.

Back to Source.

Back to your self. Back to Your Self.

To get back to the innocence of THE SELF!

Guidance from within.

Guidance from stillness…

Guidance from emptiness…

Guidance from the wealthy emptiness…

Within and without…

Your Ultimate Coach…

But you do need to STOP first.

You’ve tried goal-‐setting and applying success principles.

You have read thousands of self-‐help and self-‐

Of guiding them back into a new life of re-‐ignited passion,

Of enjoying the spontaneous unfolding of this Being-‐ness…

YOU ARE AWARENESS. You ARE: ‘I AM’. I Am-‐ness. IS-‐ness.

This is the ‘Ultimate State of Ecstatic Being-‐ness’