Criminal Institutions

This topic requires a segment dedicated entirely to definitions and explanations before
really digging into it because there are so very many irrational thoughts, beliefs, and habits that
are so extremely illogical that someone foreign to the environment would probably think that the
5levels of self and social delusion found in these environs are imagined or mythical. It really is so
fantastical at times. I have spent over 50% of my adult life locked up and it still doesn’t make
any sense to me where this unwritten dogma takes its roots from or by what means it continues to
exist.
Allow me to start with the most important ‘rule’ of all: to use the words ‘punk’ or ‘bitch’
10directed towards another inmate means war automatically and without redemption. People are
killed in some of the rougher places and prisons for name calling with these words.
Webster’s has multiple definitions for the word punk. The closest I can find to the lock-
up definition is the slang interpretation of ‘inferior’. Inferior is a fair synopsis of the prison
definition but in our criminal institutions it has evolved into something more as well. It has
15become similar to an Asian letter or symbol which represents an entire concept or idea. “Punk’
has come to be a title for someone who ‘deserves’ no respect and even merits intentional
disrespect. And while the criteria for earning the title of ‘punk’ are shady at best there are a few
clear-cut ways to do so including: 1) Refusing to get into a fight over ‘disrespectful’ comments
directed towards you publicly which in and of itself forfeits control of your situation anyway; 2)
20allowing yourself to be victimized in any way, which also constitutes disrespect directed towards
you, and then responding to the situation non-aggressively; and 3) by being ignorant of the
unwritten ‘rules’ which vary from place to place and can include such things as not passing gas
or using the toilet while anyone is eating or even dragging your feet while you walk if others are
sleeping thus creating to much ‘noise’, just to give you a few examples of the pettiness of some
25of the ‘rules of respect’. Basically you can earn the title by not ‘standing up for yourself’
aggressively and there are no such concepts as chivalry, compassion, or humility as it is a pride,
arrogance, and power oriented culture.
Bitch is a much simpler term to explain in the prison lingo. It is indicative of someone
who has no rights because they are ‘owned’ by another. Punk is encompassing of the offense of
30‘being a bitch’ to everyone. Because someone ‘is a bitch’ it means that they are ‘property of’ or a

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 slave. As such, protection is often provided by the ‘owner’ but, like all property, can be taken by
a show of force.
There is one last term, lame, to be explained but it is generally recognized as an opinion
whereas ‘punk’ and ‘bitch’ somehow maintain authority as ‘fact’ until the accused accosts or
35“handles” the accuser. It is reminiscent of the Salem witch trials in a way; guilty until proven
innocent and the accuser needs no authority of knowledge on the subject. I guess the only real
difference is that in our criminal institutions we don’t bother with trials. Due process consists of
fighting or accepting your accused title. No one will stand up for you for fear of being labeled
right along with you unless they want to use the opportunity to claim you as their ‘bitch’ in
40which case the accuser has no right to damage the ‘owners’ property without permission. And to
think that these are the people complaining about society’s laws and government! 
What is more is that when I have addressed this ‘system’ with one person they will see
the idiocy of it immediately but because it has become such an ingrained and established
standard no one is willing to go against it. When I have addressed it with more than one person at
45a time someone always defends it, even those who have agreed with me in private on an
individual basis.
It would seem that these people highly value faith and tradition by keeping such an
absurd system in place but neither is the case except in ignorance and blindness. I must admit
that it is not nearly as dogmatic as I have made it out to be and is ever so slowly developing into
50an entirely non-dogmatic way of life in some of the more mellow housing units but the going is
horrendously slow in changing something that ahs never been formally established to begin with.
It is not exactly possible when the only people in the position to distribute a message of change
are the guards and officers, whom we cannot trust because of these same unwritten laws, to
announce that it is an obsolete way of thinking especially as there is no leader or leaders to ‘have
55the authority’ to change things. Meanwhile there is this supreme Neanderthallic ‘system’ which
we all get to be a part of in criminal institutions. After all, we have ‘proven’ our inability to play
by society’s rules.
Now that we’ve covered the most important of the incarcerated vocabulary we can move
on to the meat of the subject: the thinking, or lack thereof, which plagues most incarcerated
60persons. Let me note that I am only slightly, if any, less susceptible to conforming to and
becoming an idiot of the group consciousness. I do not profess to be better than anyone and even

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 concede the point that with the awareness I have of the situation, I am probably even less of a
person than those who are ignorant of how ridiculously they are behaving.
I must give a bit of credit to this primitive way of life to an extent. It is somewhat
65reminiscent of the afterlife of some beliefs. You are either condemned or you are not, and it is
the ‘fear of God’, so to speak, that keeps people in line. This creates the same problem that is
found in many of the various well-intentioned churches and sects that being: if you are behaving
out of fear of retribution then you really aren’t becoming a better person and are probably even
building feelings of hate and vindictiveness. Better behaved maybe, but essentially making no
70personal progress as is achieved by acting ‘good’, respectfully, or ‘righteously’ of your own
accord.
This brings me to the major retardation of the prison mentality: respect. All that anyone
claims to really ‘deserve’ in lock-up is respect. Now I set apart the word respect here because
very few people who are incarcerated have any realistic idea whatsoever of what respect means
75or what it really is. And, as I am no philologist, the opinions I have are not law, or even
necessarily credible, but I do hope that they at least entertain if not inspire. The idea of respect
within an institution is pretty much and abstract form that requires omnipotence of the
expectation and standards of the truly institutionalized.
Huh?
80 What in the world is that supposed to mean? It means that some people actually expect
you to automatically be aware of their often irrational personal beliefs, tastes, moods, and
passing desires and woe be unto he who is not for he might be called out as a ‘punk’ in front of
everyone because he didn’t wipe off the toilet seat. Oh no! Or maybe he committed the
unforgivable sins of overhearing someone else’s conversation and commenting uninvited or of
85spilling food or beverage on something or someone that is not yours! You had better look out
because you may unknowingly make a ‘disrespectful’ comment, or ‘disrespectfully’ awaken
someone in a bad mood on accident or, heaven forbid, sit in someone else’s unassigned seat
during mealtime!
Look out for these ever so easily offended persons for in their pettiness and pride is also
90the hypocrisy of believing the same thing as the very courts which they so despise:
IGNORANCE IS NO EXCUSE! For just as it is not the responsibility of our society to teach us
what its laws are, neither is it the responsibility of the institutionalized to teach you how to read

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 their minds! And just as there is no mercy from the law for accidental and remorseful actions,
neither is their mercy or forgiveness from the institutionalized person!
95 So, you see, even though I have exaggerated a bit, the rationale is not exactly stable and it
raises questions such as: Who is to say what respect is?; and, who are we as criminals to demand
respect from anyone after earning our place in life through countless acts of DISRESPECT!?
For the former question I answer it thus: respect is to show honor or esteem. A lot of
people, not just inmates, have a horrible problem of tying consideration into respect and thinking
100of them as one. I won’t waste time with that here as there are other pages dedicated to the
subject.
This leaves the latter question for me to sink my teeth into as best I can. Who indeed are
we felons to demand respect!? It is my personal belief that all humans deserve some respect as
God’s very own individual creations but let me just set that idea aside for a moment. . . ah, there
105we go, safely tucked aside for the time being. . .
So, how does a killer, rapist, child molester, thief or batterer demand respect after being
so extremely disrespectful to their victims to the point that society deems it criminal!? How does
the drug addict demand respect when they obviously have so little respect for themselves?! How
in Heaven, on Earth, or in Hell do these hypocrites demand respect whilst they themselves
110proselytize that respect MUST BE EARNED!? Have they truly deluded themselves into thinking
that they have really earned it without the slightest regret for what they have done in many
cases? And even in the cases of those who are repentant of their disrespectful actions towards
others, do they truly believe that they are the same person they were before the offense and that
they are unaccountably entitled to that same level of previous respect? These same people who
115would spit in the face of God himself if He were to demand respect from them, yet they are as
proud and bold as to make these demands to their peers, their keepers, and to society.
To these people I say, any demand is being disrespectful in and of itself and the false
expectations we hold to others are highly disrespectful to ourselves and our intelligence. Let he
who is perfect cast the first stone. We are all punks for the ignorance of what respect is and for
120pretending to be wise, for the disrespect we show to ourselves and to others. We are all punks for
taking pride in our crimes and in the time we have wasted in incarceration. By the very same
unwritten rules that are lived by inmates are they condemned! We are all ‘bitches’ to our
addictions, pride and delusions.

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 So there! Big fat raspberry to us all! :-P
125 No, none of us is perfect but if we would stop wasting our time making demands and
condemning the rest of the world and feeling like poor, pathetic, mistreated souls we would stop
being poor, pathetic, mistreated souls. Obviously all people have problems but when it comes to
problems like these we simply do not have to have them at all.
Allow me to harp on the incarcerated population in a bit more of a speculative manner.
130 As you have probably already noticed the institutionalized have some much unfounded
high expectations. Yes, we expect to be treated respectfully, and expect to be provided medical
and dental care, and expect the institution to feed us properly, and expect our mail to be
uncensored and delivered in a timely manner. We expect to have rewards for good behavior and
all of these expectations are based on our own feelings and beliefs of what is humane, decent,
135acceptable and ‘right’. But then those beliefs are also expectations we hold to the way we will be
treated by the system. Sounding familiar at all?
So where do these expectations take their root? Largely from the past and its experiences
but, again, there are pages more in depth on that topic elsewhere. For the time being it is
irrelevant.
140 It really does not matter where our expectations come from or whether they are rational
or not for our present purposes. Why expect anything at all especially in a new, foreign,
inconsistent, or unstable environment? Surely it can only lead to disappointment, frustration and
anger. Personally, I don’t care much for any of these feelings and so instead of being in an
expectant role I opt to take a curious role and/or perspective. Every day is new and foreign to me
145so I try to expect as little as possible each day. I do not expect people to be humane or
considerate of me or others unless I have observed that they usually are or always have been.
Even then the door must be left open for change and exceptions. To concretely expect things and
people to always be as they have always been is to deny all forms of progress and evolution.
That can be a major problem since there is nothing we can do to keep the world from changing
150and evolving around us even as we choose not to for ourselves. Instead try to keep in mind that
the expectations that we all inevitably develop are only probabilities and are not bound to any of
the expected results that ‘should’ or ‘would’ be. If you can reign in your expectations and stop
thinking about the world in terms of how it ‘should’ work you will begin to notice how it really
does work and then you can either do something about it or you can’t. Either way you will find

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155life is far more exquisite, fun, and marvelous if you are changing what you don’t like or else
accepting the fact that there is nothing you can do and moving on instead of dwelling upon it and
making yourself miserable. Life could always be worse or better but for now it is what it is.
For those of you who cannot accept that there may be nothing you can do, let me
continue to help you understand how my own head justifies it. First of all, you’re right. I admit it,
160there is always something you can change and be in control of if it is control you are after. You
can always control your own actions, beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and even memories. That’s all
folks! You can influence and maybe change other aspects of your life as well but as far as
complete control goes you have only yourself and that only if you take it unless someone else
willingly forfeits control of themselves to you or you to them. You cannot control anyone or any
165other living thing other than yourself except in forfeiture. The best you can hope for is that others
might willingly listen to your perspectives and instructions and accept them as their own, and
then willingly act in a way that you believe is acceptable. You might consider it control but that
consideration only serves to reveal your intentions. What this willingness really would be is
openness to either enlightenment or else delusion depending on what ideas are presented but,
170again, I’m getting off the topic and this will be discussed later on.
Back to the point, it is really only necessary to control your own thoughts to find that you
can accept your present situation as acceptable. Just try to keep in mind that while there may be
actions for you to take they may not serve your purposes in which case it is better to accept the
situation as beyond your present ability to do anything about. For example, you receive a letter
175post-marked two weeks ago. In the incarcerated environment there is a grievance process you
can take but let’s say it yielded no results because you only got excuses in return which is a
common occurrence. You now start to harass every officer you come into contact with about
mail every time you see them. In turn they now have the opinion that you are an annoying,
disrespectful little twit because they have answered your question even though the answer is not
180satisfactory to your expectations. As a result of this the offended guard(s) now has no intention
of giving you mail and you very well may have earned yourself a personal grudge form someone
who is in total control of your freedom and privileges. So, you see, sometimes the best course of
action is acceptance of your present situation and having the patience to wait until your
environment changes of its own accord to grant you more opportunity to have things your way.
185Sometimes the best course of action is inaction.

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 So cry and whine as you might about what you think the world should be, but please be
courteous, or ‘respectful’ to those of us around you and keep it to yourself because we are also
inconsiderate, self-centered, and believe that we are always right. . . just like you. 
Hypocrisy is an absolutely necessary evil but that does not mean that we should allow it
190in all things and, really, it should be avoided as much as possible. Alas, it is yet another topic for
another time and, as such, let me cut to its present relevance. If we are to expect from others that
which we are unwilling or even unpracticed at also providing, we will be disappointed. And if
you happen to be so bold as to actually request such things of others you will, most likely, find
yourself offended to top it all off. As you can see there are potentially some problems here. To be
195a passive hypocrite will lead to disappointment and to be an aggressive hypocrite can lead to
violence, hate, disrespect and only one possible avenue through which to reach your social goals:
fear.
Fear is most often accompanied with the other results of aggression, hate and disrespect,
so for the person who is seeking respect their aggressive demands are purely self-defeating.
200Would it not, then, make more sense to take an assertive approach? Are all of us ‘tough’ and
‘hardened’ criminals really so fearful of how people might react if one were to simply state
exactly what our thoughts, feelings and expectations are? Must we act like the stereotypical
drama queen and expect others to be able to read our minds? Are we really so cowardly? The
answer is, sadly, a resounding yes which encompasses humanity far beyond prison walls. Our
205pride turns us into these cowardly beings who are more concerned with what others might think
of us than what we are accomplishing for ourselves.
This is nothing to despair over for despair itself is a way of passively accepting your
situation which is just as bad, if not worse, as refusing to accept your situation aggressively. As I
have said, we can always change ourselves.
210 To actually be a coward is rather difficult to achieve, much as it is to be a failure. You
must accept your present situation in despair and hopelessness to achieve such states. However,
to act cowardly or to fail at a given situation or task is something that everyone is guilty of at
some points in time and several at that. It is nothing to despair over. It is not a reason to give up.
To do such things would be conducive of disrespecting yourself and everyone who has placed
215any sort of faith in you. It would be to accept you place in life as a whelp and a loser and to deny
your own potential. You would be like unto the servant who buried his talent, and seal your own

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 fate as a waste of life. That would be the ultimate disrespect to whatever force(s) that you believe
granted you life, starting with your own parents. No, giving up is not an option because even if
you have deluded yourself into believing you are a useless failure you can still live to
220successfully serve the purpose of motivating people to not be like you. Surely no one else is
deserving of the fate of having to go through the same wretchedness that you have gone, or are
still going through.
So, you see, hypocrisy really can be a wonderful thing because it makes it entirely
impossible for any individual to be worthless or useless. Maybe more clarification is necessary.
225To accept your situation can either meet the prerequisites of failure or else of triumph depending
upon whether you do so passively or assertively, respectively. Let me explain the difference
although it is mostly a matter of semantics.
To passively accept a situation is to do so with no further thought of it. It is to have the
escapist mentality of not being able to change anything in life or having the attitude that you
230should not change anything or try to do so. It is to accept a role in life as a victim of fate or
destiny. Passive people accept their situation as beyond their control often because they don’t
succeed on a first attempt and because they are trying to control something that they will never
be able to control (others or the environment) except through illusion/delusion.
The assertive method of accepting one’s circumstances is much healthier, logical and
235rational. To assertively accept you situation is to do so after accepting that you are responsible
for being in that situation and to be consciously aware of why you are accepting it. The assertive
person recognizes their situation for what it is, unchangeable for the better, but is also aware that
it cannot remain so. They see that the best course of action is, presently, inaction and that to do
anything can only work against themselves for the time being. Therefore the assertive person
240does not see themselves as powerless to change his/her life and that their actions are pointless,
but rather see themselves as having taken the best course of action for the present situation,
inaction or patiently waiting. They recognize the inevitability that changes by some other force
which they have no control over will eventually occur thus providing new opportunities. Upon
accomplishing this state of awareness, the assertive person shifts their focus from trying to
245change their present situation to making the most of it. If I cannot change my situation what can
I do to educate myself, strengthen myself and use this period of time as an asset not usually

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 available to me in the hustle and bustle of ‘normal’ life at least until change can happen of its
own accord?
Hopefully you are now beginning to see how I can think that life is satisfactory even as a
250prisoner of the state. Perspective is everything. Sometimes people tell me that it sounds like I
have brainwashed myself and to that I say, “YES! Exactly!” It may be looked upon as a negative
thing because of stereotyping and usage of the word but what do you think a ‘program’ or class
is? Programming! Substance abuse programs, anger management programs, religious programs.
. . all socially acceptable forms of brainwashing. The word ‘program’ is used intentionally. The
255problem with these programs is that they are generalized to ‘work for everyone’ which is
impossible to accomplish since everyone is different. As soon as the minutest little disagreeable
detail surfaces in these programs it can quite easily discredit the entire program in that
individual’s eyes by violating the trust that an individual has placed into the program. All
because of stating generalizations as facts and not openly recognizing and admitting that there
260are exceptions to even the most sound ‘formulas’ and because of failure to include one simple
statement in all programming materials to explain that nothing in the world works for everyone.
Giving people fish and telling them that they are now fishermen, or giving people thoughts or
ideas and telling them that they are thinkers, will cause debilitating confusion in people at some
point.
265 This is why I have chosen to program, or brainwash, myself. If I get to choose the content
of my own programs I can make myself believe anything no matter how far fetched or irrational!
I can give myself real, believable, reasons to change my own personality through and through.
Just think about some of the crazy things some people have convinced themselves of, or even
yourself. We have all chosen to believe what is either convenient or ‘right’ through such
270programming tools as logic, rationalization, justification and faith. So long as we can avoid such
erroneous, not to mention foolish, reasoning as ‘just because’ or ‘everyone else is. . . ‘, if we can
avoid the idiocy inherent in social circumstances, we can become anything we desire. We simply
must dare, or have to courage, to do it. Furthermore, anyone can do it as the only prerequisites
are the desire to change, or passion, and deep conscious thought which also acts as a tool to
275assemble and create change.

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 Anyhow, this is me off on another tangent. It ought to be very obvious to you by now that
I am highly accomplished at distracting myself. Self brainwash and programming is yet another
topic more thoroughly discussed elsewhere in these pages.
I suppose the point(s) I am trying to make, or inspire, relate to my present incarcerated
280environment. I am in the closest thing to Hell that I can imagine and yet I find myself able to be
enamored by life and I have found this attitude through trial and error of the most crude and self-
defeating ways. I have not lived vicariously much at all. I have been the proud criminal, the
victim, the neglected, the opposition of God, the silent man in charge, the hustler, the player, the
apathetic, the hopeless, the careless, the sinner, and the saint. I have taken on hundreds of roles
285whole-heartedly in hopes of understanding them and in pursuit of wisdom and knowledge. I have
selected losing role after losing role, some of which worked for others as winning roles, and have
nearly lost my self completely in the process if such a thing is possible. After all of this refusal to
live and learn vicariously I have learned for myself, finally, that you can indeed be whatever you
want to be as your parents may have encouraged when you were young. Granted I have put
290myself through Hell to discover this and did not set out with the intention of seeking any such
specific knowledge but I now know not only that it is generally true but also how such a radical
idea can have such a solid foundation in reality, how it works.
While the working principles behind the idea are very simple in description they can be
very challenging in practice for many since the easiest way to become a role through and through
295is by faith. Faith is not merely belief but a means to accomplish or adopt a belief; a path to belief
that is immediate. It is the fastest way to achieve new beliefs which in turn allows you
subconscious mind to act automatically in order to carry out the actions necessary to fulfill your
role.
For most people faith simply isn’t going to work. Firstly, because most people are
300disinclined to have faith in other people, secondly, because you are hearing this from a prison
inmate with no credentials whatsoever talking about something that he himself claims to have
discovered for himse4lf through personal experience. An undeniably lofty claim on my part for
which I have no backing except that it works for me. Whether it will work for you or not is up to
you to find out but if you truly want it to, it will. I ask nothing of you but do hope that you are
305curious enough to keep reading. The most important thing to keep in mind is that we are all
unique and as such it cannot be expected that everything I have to say will work for everyone or

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 even a majority, but I do say enough that it is highly probable that part of what I say will arouse
your interest. Please try to individualize the thoughts and processes to cater to your own
mentality think of all of this as the theory from which you can find your own methods and you
310will much more likely meet success in trying to become a new person or to change old habits.
For the majority of you who cannot yet have faith in me, I will guide you through the
rationale as best I can so that you might find belief through logic and, hopefully, successful
attempts in order to establish a justified belief in these ideas and your ability to master them. So,
without further delay, let me attempt to put all of this into intelligible terms that can be of some
315use to you. . .

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