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By Henr y Thacher
Today I am her e to tell you the stor y of a OK. Today I got a note in my box and this
com plete bebjer bjnjw nvjw j disaster in the is w hat it said: ?I suspect that articles are
kitchen. hypnotizing people into thinking Walker is
But befor e I tell you this I w ould like to innocent? M abey?
shar e a quote fr om TOTA fr om our skits fr om I think this is ver y tr ue because after
playing categor ies. So I played a gr andm a and anyone r eads that Walker is good they alw ays
for this quote I give full cr edit to Char lotte for tr y to m ake ever yone else tr y to think that
thinking up this quote and all I did w as say it. Walker is good! Also, this is how you spell
So cr edit to you Char lotte!! And the quote is, ?m aybe?: ?m aybe?. Anyw ay, this m ust be
?back in my day apples gr ew on bushes and im por tant so ever yone m ake sur e to stay aw ay
car r ots gr ew on tr ees.? fr om the ?good Walker ? stuff. #Fir eWalker
But ther e is one m or e thing I w ould like Also, other Walker hater s, I w ould like to
to say befor e I star t this stor y. So, today in Daily join/for m a Walker hate squad.
Double w e had an am azing guest appear ance
by the am azing Addy w ho is Sor en?s daughter.
So I just w anted to m ention that.
Al l Abou t Wal k er (Fak e I n t er v i ew )
And now finally I w ill tell you the stor y
By Saskia
of the kitchen disaster. It w as a few hour s
befor e my bir thday par ty and I had an activity
because I have a tw in so w e decided to at one W hat is your name?
point to br anch off dur ing the par ty and my ?M y nam e is WALKER? Scr eeches a tiny voice of
tw in w ould do an ar t cr aft and I w ould do a hor r or.
desser t in the kitchen. So my kitchen pr oject
w as r ock candy geos fr om a w ebsite called W hat do your friends call you?
HOW TOCOOKTHAT.net and w e had to m ake ?Fr iends? W hat? M ost people call m e WALKER
fondant but the video didn?t tell us how to m ake The Soul Sucking M ango of Death and Doom .?
fondant so w e looked ever yw her e for a r ecipe We heard the screeching again.
but w hen w e tr ied it the fir st tim e it didn?t w or k
out at all so w e ended up tr ying again and again W hy do you like working as a camp newspaper
until on the 4th tr y it still didn?t w or k . But then editor?
w e w ent to Par ty City to look for an ingr edient ?Because I get to suck the souls of innocent
in fondant that w e didn?t have but they didn?t cam per s!? He scr eeched.
have ever y tim e w e tr ied and failed w e had
kept using a substitute for it, but w hen w e got
ther e they didn?t have it but online joanns
fabr ic had it so w e w ent ther e but appar ently M ov i e r ev i ew
they had stopped selling it but w hen w e got By Helina Lifshatz
back our m ost r ecent attem pt looked and felt
like fondant but w e still got fondant fr om the Have you ever w atched the m ovie The
stor e. Incredibles? It is about a fam ily of super her oes.
We w er e r eady for the par ty!!1!!! We Elastigir l: she is ver y flexible and can bend into
still hadn?t tr ied the w hole thing, w e just tr ied anything. Dash: he is a kid ver sion of The Flash
the fondant. So at the par ty I used the and can even r un on w ater. Violet: she can
hom em ade fondant w hile ever yone else used becom e invisible, but that doesn't stop her fr om
the stor e bought fondant. So w hen w e pour ed being solid! M r. Incr edible: He has super
the sugar syr up w e had to let them sit for 12 str ength and dur ability. All super her oes have
hour s so w e w er e going to deliver them in that been banned by the gover nm ent fr om using
w eek . But w hen w e cut them off the plate. (I their pow er s, but the Incr edibles have to fight a
accidentally stabbed myself.) They hadn?t huge, pow er ful, r ound r obot. For som e r eason
cr ystalized at all, and then it w as so hor r ible 14 year s(now ) later they decide to m ake a
and the hom em ade fondant com pletely failed second m ovie. You can w atch it in the m ovie
and so w e ended up thr ow ing it all aw ay and theater but not at hom e yet. I liked this m ovie
that is the end of the hor r ible kitchen disaster. because it is funny and about team w or k . Hope
Adios, folks!!! you enjoy the m ovie!
W h i ch M edi eval Bat t l esh i p ar e Oh m y God!
you ? By M s. Som eone
By Ben Cr able
Hi guys! A few days ago dur ing Festival Per iod in the Daily
Question 1: You and your friends Double r oom w e got a shipm ent of a bunch of bulletin boar ds!
are walking down an alley when People kept on saying ?Oh my god!!!!? Ser iously, w hy is getting
all of a sudden, Walker appears a bunch of bulletin boar ds ?Oh my God? w or thy!?!? Also,
and tries to suck you and your w her e ar e the bulletin boar ds fr om ? W hat w ill w e use them
friends souls. W hat do you do? for ? M aybe the SOUL SUCKING M ANGO sent them to distr act
A: I car r y my fr iends and get out us! W hat is Walker planning? Well sucking souls duhhh, but
of the alley! m aybe ther e?s som ething else! M y ar ticle has com e to a close.
B: Because I am so thin I can Goodbye, Cam per s!
easily battle Walker and r un aw ay
C: Beat him up because he is 10 St eps t o h el p avoi d Wal k -Pock ol i ps
tr ying to suck my soul By Walker Adam s
Question 2: W here are you most 1. Figur e out w her e Walker Is, The far ther aw ay you ar e fr om
likely to be found? him , the sm aller of a chance for your soul to be eaten.
A: In inland seas such as the
M editer r anean 2. Get indoor s; Walker uses the sun?s ener gy to steal souls.
B: In the Indian Ocean
C: Thr oughout Eur ope 3. Get aw ay fr om M ike and Kelsey T.; they ar e par t of the
Or der.
Question 3: W hen running to get to
the lunch line, where are you in 4. Do a 5k w alk for Walker ; doing a 5k Is healthy and the sw eat
the line? fr om the 5k w alk confuses Walker.
A: M iddle par t of the line
B: I'm alw ays the fir st per son 5. Find a cow bell; the sound blocks Walker ?s evil pow er s fr om
C: If I'm lucky I?m the second to w or king.
last per son
6. Get close to Aar on; Walker is scar ed of Aar on
Question 4: W hat are you best at?
A: Tr anspor ting tr oops acr oss the 7. Escape Fr om Daily Double; if you take Daily Double or any
ocean other of Walker ?s classes, ESCAPE!
B: Tr aveling fr om India to Afr ica
C: Battle other ships w ith lots of 8. Take fr equent w ater br eaks; it takes 50 m inutes to steal a
ar tiller y soul. Ever y tim e you take a w ater br eak, the clock r esets.
Question 5: Do you believe that in 9. Watch ASM R. Just Because you can.
the Harry Potter World, the Soviet
Union collapsed? 10. If pr evious ones failed, r un Aw ay; JUST RUN AWAY, RUN,
A: Yes RUNNN!!! FIND THE NEAREST EXIT AND RUN!!!
B: w ut
C: No #NotM ySoul #WakeUpSheeple #5kWalker For Walker
#DontWalk #M ySoulisM ySoul #GetYour Ow nSoul
If you answ er ed m ostly A?s, then #Or der OfTheM ango #StopTheOr der #ResistWalker
you ar e a galley! You suppor t #Fir eWalker
your fr iends and ar e ver y #SueWalker #YouRottenM ango #DontEatTheM ango
athletic. #StaySafeCRCAP #DontEat #DabOnWalker
If you answ er ed m ostly B?s, then #Walker IsTheM angoDevil #M ySoulFor M e #DontBeAWalker
you ar e a car avel! You ar e super #WalkAw ay #Walker InABottle #Walker IsYoM um
athletic and can r un a long w ay! #Star tToTalkAndStopTheWalk
If you answ er ed m ostly C?s, then #WeAr eOnAHighWayToWalker Hell
you ar e a car r ack! You ar e big, #Don?tSubscr ibeToWalker OnYoutube #RJandKelseyTAr e
str ong, and can beat up anyone InTheOr der #Walker ?sM ustacheIsTheDevilsAr m pitHair
that com es in your w ay! #Walker IsAntiSuper m an #RunFor Your Life
Th e Lu k u r zagah n Con spi r acy M y Tak e on Fu r r i es (A.K.A) W hy do peopl e n ot l i k e
By Nico Di An-JELL-O f u r r i es.
By Walker Adam s
Ther e is a countr y in the M iddle East
called Lukur zagahn. It is ver y sm all, Hello, Today I w ill be talking about my take on
appr oxim ately 180 squar e m iles. It is said to fur r ies. I know a lot of people don't like them , but just
be one of the m ost beautiful countr ies in the hear m e out. my ar gum ent w ill hopefully change
w or ld. It is m ainly a ver y hilly countr y, w ith your m ind about fur r ies.
a lush for est nam ed the Yufaknus Woods. It * Par tial* Definition: The fur r y fandom is a subcultur e
also has a sm all deser t, nam ed the inter ested in fictional anthr opom or phic anim al
Im donw i. The m ost fam ous delicacy of char acter s w ith hum an per sonalities and
Lukur zagahn is the Labaflann, a desser t, char acter istics. Exam ples of anthr opom or phic
w hich is like like flann, but m or e bur ned. It attr ibutes include exhibiting hum an intelligence and
also consists of str aw ber r ies, and it tastes facial expr essions, speaking, w alking on tw o legs, and
fr uity. About 432,900 people live in w ear ing clothes. (Sour ce: W ikipedia)
Lukur zagahn. It is a Com m unist Countr y. Appar ently, a lot of people do not like fur r ies. I
The r eligion in the countr y is m ainly know ther e ar e r easons for that w hich I w ill explain
Lukur zagahnist (A r eligion der ived fr om later in this ar ticle. But let m e tell you about the good
Lukur zagahn), M uslim , and 3% Buddhist. things fir st.
All of these facts ar e m eaningless. Fur r ies help people expr ess how they feel, and
They w er e to bor e those w ho ar en?t as show w ho they ar e. Som etim es fur r ies help people
intellectual as us, so as to keep them fr om com e out about being hom osexual, bisexual,
r eading this. Know that this is classified pansexual, dem isexual, tr ansgender and tr anssexual
infor m ation, and that you shouldn?t know (along w ith other sexuality and gender s). Fur r ies also
this. It is a m essage fr om the--never m ind can help people escape fr om r eal w or ld pr oblem s by
you don?t need to know that. dr essing in a fur suit and pr etending to be som ething
The countr y Lukur zagahn doesn?t they?r e not. Im agine a day w hen nothing goes r ight
legally exist. You can?t find it on the and you w ant to escape. You just dr ess up like a fur r y
inter net, in any legal files, encyclopedia, or and for get about your pr oblem s.
other w ise. All those facts ar e infor m ation Fur r y fanar t: W HY DO PEOPLE HATE FURRY
that any gover nm ent official w ould tell you FANART?!? Fur r y fanar t is just people show ing their
is r idiculous. Even its sur r ounding love for fur r ies thr ough dr aw ing and painting. I know
countr ies don't know it exists. How does it that once in a w hile, fur r y fan ar t can be a bit
keep hidden? Well, I need to know inappr opr iate. Well, have you ever gone to a m useum
som ething fir st. Have you seen the m ovie and seen a pictur e of som eone naked? A m useum is
Black Panther ? In it, the countr y Wakanda sor t of like a fur r y fan ar t page, except w ith anim als
keeps hidden w ith a cloaking shield. It is the (and anim als ar e naked in the fir st place).
sam e w ith Lukur zaghan. All you see w hen Fur sonas: for som e r eason, people think they
you look at that spot is a beautiful for est ar e w eir d. How is a dr aw ing that has a per sonality
that is illegal to enter because it is a cor ner and feelings w eir d? A fur sona is like a still anim e TV
of natur e pr eser ved by the ?gover nm ent.? show.
How ever , it isn?t like you could just sneak in Thank you for r eading my ar gum ent, I hope I
and find it. Once you enter the ar ea, those changed your m ind about fur r ies. #FURRIESAREFUN
w ho ar en?t Lukur zagahnian still don?t see, #DONTHATEONFURRIES
hear or sm ell anything besides w hat the
Lukur zagahns w ant them to see, hear or I Don ?t Kn ow W h at To Wr i t e.
sm ell. Once they enter , they br eath in a By Lucia Saenz
special gas that m akes them see for est, but
that Lukur zagahns ar e used to. I don?t know w hat to w r ite so I?m just gonna say som e
Lukur zagahn vir tually does not exist. I hope cool stuff. M y fir st w or d w as ?Or eo?. M y half bir thday
that, even though you now know this, you is on Chr istm as. I don?t have a m iddle nam e. I love to
don?t speak about it, lest the Lukur zagahns dr aw. I love chips. I am eating chips w hile i?m w r iting
be found and their peaceful lifestyle com e this ar ticle. Cheese blocks w ear shir ts. Paper clips ar e
to an end. Do the r ight thing. I?m tr usting hiding in bags of snacks. Teeth ar e cr eepy. I have
you w ith this know ledge, so don?t fail m e never tr ied dr agon fr uit. I absolutely HATE bananas.
and expose the Lukur zagahns. And I still don?t know w hat to w r ite. Bye!
Ar e You A Com m u n i st on t h e I n si de? Tak e Th i s Qu i z t o Fi n d Ou t ! W h i ch CRCAP Bu i l di n g Ar e
By Nico Di An-JELL-O You ?
By Echo Lar sen
Out of these five, what is your favorite color?
A: Red 1) How do people describe you?
B: Blood Or ange a) Cr eative
C: Yellow b) Quiet
D: Blue c) Fun
E: Gr een d) Dead
How much do you eat grown food (i.e. corn, strawberries, carrots)? 3) Are you honest?
A: 90% of the tim e a) Som etim es
B: 75% of the tim e b) Totally!
C: 50% of the tim e c) Heh? no.
D: 25% of the tim e d) ?
E: 0-10% of the tim e
4) Cats or dogs? (PS: Cats 4
Out of these five, what is your favorite country? lifeeeeee!!!!!!!)
A: China a) Blehhhh? dogs
B: Vietnam b) CATS 4 LIFE
C: Russia c) Uhhh? idk
D: Lukur zagahn d) ?
E: Am er ica
5) W hat is your favorite color?
If you got m ostly A?s, you ar e definitely fully a com m unist. You ar e a a) Blue
fan of agr icultur e and w or king. You believe pr oper ty should be b) Pink
ow ned by a com m unity, not a single per son. You think ever yone c) Red
should be paid accor ding to that individual?s abilities and needs. d) ?
If you got m ostly B?s, you ar e m ostly a com m unist. You m ay believe M ostly a: M iddle Building
that your com m unity should get som e shar e of people?s pr oper ty, M ostly b: Com m unity Building
but you think that people should ow n som e of it, too. You m ay like M ostly c: Activity Center
agr icultur e and gr ow ing food for other s benefit. You ar e about 20% M ostly d: The Old Cr eative
or so som ething else. Star ts Building (PS: You ar e
dead.)
If you got m ostly C?s, you ar e 50% com m unist. You m ay like or ganic
or gr ow n foods, but not that m uch. You believe people should Hel l o, Peopl e
benefit fr om each other ?s w or k and land, but you still w ant to ow n By M yster ious Hum an
your pr oper ty.
Hello, people. I am r allying
If you got m ostly D?s, you ar e only 20% com m unist. You believe against the fight w ith Walker.
ever yone should ow n their ow n pr oper ty, and occasionally you Sur e he is sucking the souls of
m ight shar e som e of your food or land w ith som eone. You like a lot innocent cam per s, but
or ganic and gr ow n food, but only a little bit. ever yone gets angr y
som etim es. We should pick
If you got m ostly E?s, you ar e not a com m unist at all. You ar e m ost another one to hate.
likely a capitalist. You believe in an ever y m an for him self #STOPM ANGOHATE
envir onm ent, and only you and your em ployees m ake m oney off of #w hyWalker ?
your tr ade and industr y. You believe pr ivate ow ner s should contr ol #leavethesoulsucker alone
their businesses. #HATESOM EONEELSE
Un t ol d Ru l es abou t CRCAP W hy w e sh ou l d al l l i st en t o M i ch ael Scot t M or e
By Ben Cr able By M ia Gor don
Ever yone know s the basic r ules such as The Office. W hat a show ! I m ean w ho doesn?t love it?!
not going behind the buildings, but her e You laugh a little, you cr y a little, you cr inge a lot. A
ar e som e r ules that CRCAP used to have, big hum ongous par t of The Office is M ichael Scott.
but got r id of. Not only is M ichael alw ays fabulous, but he also gives
am azing advice. For instance, he says that ?You m iss
1: No r iding on the school unicor n 100% of the shots you don?t take.? How clever is that?
Back in m edieval Scotland, a w ealthy king Only a sm ar t per son could com e up w ith that advice
donated a unicor n to CRCAP because the on their ow n. He?s also quoted saying, ?Don?t ever , for
king?s son lear ned how to duel fr om the any r eason, do anything to anyone, ever , no m atter
dueling class at CRCAP. (The dueling class w hat.? That is just so tr ue, and br eathtaking. He also
w as canceled a few year s later , since kids says, ?Pr esents ar e the best w ay to show som eone
w er e beating each other up.) The kids how m uch you car e. It is like this tangible thing you
kept clim bing onto the unicor n and tr ying can point to and say ?Hey m an, I love you this m any
to r ide it into the sunset. One day a kid dollar s w or th.? Am azing r ight? But does anyone take
m anaged to r ide the unicor n all the w ay this advice ser iously? No, no they don?t. So that?s w hy
to Boston w her e it gr ew w ings and flew I'm her e to say that for all these r easons and m or e w e
acr oss the Atlantic Ocean. To this day no should all listen to M ichael Scott.
one has seen this kid, and Aar on II
published the r ule that pr events kids
fr om r iding the Unicor n. St op t h e Wal k
By Chloe Cr able and Eli Gr assi
2: No M agic Allow ed on Cam pus
Dur ing the Salem W itch Tr ials, w itch We thought of som e hashtags about
childr en w er e picked on by Walker I stopping the Walk . So w e decided to
(pr esent-day Walker ?s father ). Because of show them to you. And w e all now
this, Aar on VI outlaw ed m agic on cam pus. know these hashtags, so if w e ever
As a r esult, the hear one w e know to save a hum an
tur n-w ater -into-apple-juice class w ith fr om the Walk .
Dante and Wum bo w as cancelled,
par tially because the kids w er e r eplacing #NotM ySoul
the near by r eser voir w ith apple juice. #M ySoulIsM ySoul
Ever since then Walker II and Wum bo #M ySoulFor M e
had to hide their dar k pow er s, except #M eSoul
Walker II r ecently got exposed and has #DontStealM yWonder fulSoulFr om M yWonder fulBody
been called a ?soul-sucking alien m ango?. #Im RunningOutOfHashtags
#DontBeAWalker
3: No Gladiator Battles after Lunch Per iod #DontWalk
In ancient CRCAP, Rom an gladiator battles #5KWalkFor Walker
becam e the fir st tr end on cam pus. #StopReadingThisAr ticle
Cam per s w er e constantly cover ed in #WalkAw ay
gladiator ar m or and battling each other #WalkFr om TheWalker
over the sm allest things fr om the last slice #YouRottenM ango
of italian pizza to w hose hor se-dr aw n
char iot w ill ar r ive at char iot-pool the I know Walker w ill get m ad at m e if i
fir st. The pr oblem got so bad that the fir st don?t add m or e sentences so I can just
Aar on at CRCAP had to per m anently ban talk about r andom stuff. I feel like
gladiator battles at CRCAP. Out of r evenge, Walker is tr uly a soul eating m ango.
the Gods bur ied the near by tow n of He is collabor ating w ith ever y
Pom peii under ash. But the ban r em ained CIT/Counselor in Daily Double. I
in place and soon cam per s w er e m or e believe. If w e unite w e can ? STOP
into char iot r aces than gladiator fights. THE WALK!
W h at Simpsons ch ar act er ar e you ? An I n t er v i ew of Wal k er ?s Sh oes
By Walker Adam s By M ia Gor don
Q: W hat is your favorite color? Q. If you had a reality TV show, what would
A: W hite it be called?
B: Gr een A. ?It?s a M iser able Life.?
C: Yellow
D: Red Q. W here can you be found on a Friday
E: Blue night?
F: Tan A. Life is m eaningless.
Q: W hat is your mental age? Q. How do you feel about the word
A: -39 ?Besmirch??
B: 14 A. W hy do I even tr y?
C: 2
D: 54 Q. W hat?s your happiest memory?
E: 999? A. W hat does it m ean to do? W hat does it
F: 83 m ean to cr eate? W hy ar e w e her e?
Q: W hat animal are you most afraid off? If you know your height, you can figur e
A: Bear s out w hat dog size you ar e!
B: Badger s
C: M y Br other * If you got betw een 0-3 feet, you ar e a ver y
D: Snakes tiny dog! If you w er e a dog, it w ould be as
E: I am not afr aid of anim als, anim als ar e afr aid of sm all as a Chihuahua. You m ight even be a
m e. puppy, and still have gr ow ing to do.
F: Flying Hellfish * If you got betw een 3-4 feet, you ar e sm all
dog, but not ver y sm all. It could com par e
If you got m ostly A, You ar e Hom er Sim pson ? You to a pug.
ar e stupid, Ver y, Ver y Stupid. * If you got betw een 4-5 feet, you ar e a
If you got m ostly B, You ar e M ar ge Sim pson ? You m edium sized dog. It com par es to a
ar e nice but snap a lot. bulldog, or a basset hound.
If you got m ostly C, You ar e Bar t Sim pson ? You ar e * If you got 5-6 feet, you ar e a
a tr oublem aker. m edium -lar ge dog. This could com par e to
If you got m ostly D, You ar e Lisa Sim pson ? You ar e a golden r etr iever.
pr etty sm ar t. * If you got 6-7 feet, you ar e a lar ge dog.
If you got m ostly E, You ar e M aggie Sim pson ? You This could com par e to a otter hound or
ar e a beast that lives for ever and alw ays stays ger m an shepar d.
young. * If you got 7+ feet, you ar e a m assive, extr a
If you got m ostly F, You ar e Gr am pa Sim pson ? You lar ge dog. This could com par e to the
ar e old and cr otchety lar gest gr eat dane!