Th e Fi r st Day of Cam p
By Louise
Vol u m e 49A,
I ssu e 2
St u pi d Th i n gs w e Bel i eved as Ki ds
By Stella and Luca Cahill
* Thinking it w as possible to have a job as an anim al.
For exam ple, becom ing a cow w hen you gr ow up.
* Alw ays closing your closet door for pr otection. Just
in case anything w as in ther e.
* Believing that w or m s lived in apples because of
car toons and kids books.
* Thinking television char acter s w er e r eal. Like Steve
fr om Blues Clues r eally spent his tim e solve
myster ies.
* Thinking you could take w hatever you w anted fr om
stor es for fr ee.
* Tr ying not to think of Bloody M ar y in fr ont of a
m ir r or. Because w e all know if you say her nam e
thr ee tim es she?ll pr obably kill you.
* Believing ?blue r aspber r y? w as a r eal type of
r aspber r y.
* Thinking it w as a nor m al thing to cr aw l thr ough
vents to spy on people; because ever ybody in tv and
m ovies did it.
* Assum ing all r estaur ants ser ved chicken finger s,
fr ench fr ies, and m ac and cheese.
* Believing stuffed anim als w er e living and br eathing
cr eatur es.
Th e New est Bu i l di n g
By Nico Di Angelo
Ok, I?m w r iting this ar ticle because this needs to be
said. The new est building at CRCAP is w ay too
m oder n! Now , for m e this is saying som ething.
M oder n is my favor ite style of inter ior and exter ior
design. I am even okay w ith ultr a m oder n. But this
building, this is som ething else. If the style of that
building w er e an anim e m ar tial ar ts m ove, its nam e
w ould be ?Super insane ultr a m ega r adical m oder n!?
I look at it and I think ?Is this r eally our futur e?? It is
too m uch. I know m any of you agr ee. W hoever
decided that it w ould be a good idea to build it in that
style w as not in their r ight m ind. Can som ebody
please fix this? You could put a r eally big tar p over
the building, or you could just r edesign it. If nothing
is done, all our eyes w ill m elt out of our heads fr om
looking at it. Som ething m ust be done!
On the fir st day of cam p, ever yone feels like
ther e ar e butter flies in their stom achs, but you
get over it as you go to your fir st class. Yeah,
ther e ar e som e things you w ill still have to get
used to ? and som e changes, like that new
building that w e can?t even go into and the
other building that just got destr oyed ? but
ther e is nothing to w or r y about. It?s w hat your
par ents keep telling us, and it is tr ue: ever yone
has the fir st day of cam p jitter s and it ends up
fine. So on festival day, think how you felt on
the fir st day of cam p.
10 Reason s w hy eat i n g i s t h e best al t er n at i ve
By Cassidy Kolovos
1. Food is yum my.
2. You can eat m any things.
3. Cafes and r estaur ants ar e open daily.
4. Recipes for ?or ganic??foods can be found on
the Inter net.
5. You can dr ow n your sor r ow s in ice cr eam .
6. Cupcakes can keep your str ess in another
w or ld.
7. Eating w hen bor ed is a w ay to fall asleep.
8. Get on a sugar high, then cr ash, then get
another sugar high, etc.
9. M ovie snacks ar e so called ?or ganic?, so
they?r e ok .
10. IT?S FOOD!
Th e Ti m e I Tr i ed M y Si st er ?s Su gar Cook i es
By Lucia Saenz
One Tim e my Sister m ade sugar cookies
w ith her fr iend. I don?t actually know if she
used a r ecipe but if she did then w hoever m ade
that r ecipe if TERRIBLE at cooking. The cookies
had w eir d pink spr inkles on top w hich just
m ade it m or e disgusting. So w hen I cam e fr om
my backyar d I sm elt cookies. I asked my sister
if she m ade cookies and she said yes! I w as so
excited for chocolate chip cookies but then I
saw sugar cookies com e out of the tr ay in the
oven. I have alw ays liked sugar cookies so I w as
like,? Ok! This m ust be good. It?s a cookie!? But
I w as com pletely w r ong. W hen they w er e
r eady I gr abbed a cookie and I took a big bite!
The fir st taste w as ter r ible but the second taste
w as? ? .STILL TERRIBLE! That is the fir st tim e
that I tasted som ething disgusting that my
sister m ade. I could still taste the gr oss taste
w hen I w ent to sleep. I hope you enjoyed this
r oasting session. Goodbye.
Fi n al l y a Cou n sel or Ar t i cl e Th at ?s Not Abou t W h i ch sor t of m i n or Fr i en ds ch ar act er ar e
Wal k er you ?
By M ia Gor don By M ia Gor don

Yep that?s r ight this ar ticle is not about Walker. I W hat?s your favorite color?
know it?s cr azy, because today I?m w r iting an ar ticle A. Blue
about M ike. That?s r ight in Walker ?s ow n w or ds: B. Br ow n
?This new spaper does not have enough content about C. Gr een
M ike.? Well I?m her e to fill that void! Listen to this, D. M ULTI-COLOR!!!
you know the w hole ?Pr oject X? thing? Yeah that. I
don?t think it is w hat it seem s. I THINK PROJECT X IS W hat do you wanna be when you grow up?
A CULT. Yeah, that?s r ight. I think that M ike is tr ying A. A pianist * sigh*
to get these kids to join his cult. Those poor kids don?t B. Just footloose and fancy fr ee, you know ?
know w hat they?r e getting into. But the question on C. The gover nor of a state
ever yone?s m ind is that w hat do they pr actice in this D. Som ething fun heh heh
cult? An inter view w ith Walker said that ?M ike is
m or e Cult leader than counselor.? Wow. It is tr ue W hat is your favorite movie?
though he IS. I m ean take ?This Is Not Ar t? for A. La La land * siiiiiigh*
exam ple, tell m e you don?t think that w as ?culty? B. The Docum entar y Of KoKo the gor illa
C. The Little M er m aid
How u n l u ck y ar e you ? D. M r s. Doubtfir e -hee hee
By Noah Fallon
Out of all these foods which one is your
Count up all these things you?ve experienced. I will favorite?
then tell you if you are unlucky. A. Coffee
B. bananas
* Have you ever br oken a bone? C. Coffee
* Have you ever gotten stitches? D. Rainbow spr inkles
* Have you ever accidentally eaten expir ed/r otten
food? Alright last question-W ho is your favorite
* Have you ever accidentally lost pr ogr ess on a video friend?
gam e? A. Phoebe
* Have you ever lost your favor ite item /toy? B. Ross or Rachel
* Have you ever gotten stung by a bee? C. Chandler
* Have you ever gotten bitten by any anim al? D. Joey
* Have you ever gotten lym e disease? NOTE: No one likes M onica
* Have you ever accidentally poked your self w ith a
pencil/pen? If you got m ostly As-You ar e M ike! AKA
* Have you ever lost your pet/dog? (Went m issing.) Phoebe?s boyfr iend-sur e you m ight be ser ious
* Have you ever gotten into a class you didn?t w ant? on the outside but on the inside you?r e a
(CRCAP) passionate m usician * siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* also
* Have you had your GREAT schedule r uined fr om you?r e r eally funny.
som ething unexpected
* Have you ever slipped on an item /gr ound? If you got m ostly B's- You ar e M ar cel the
M onkey I m ean ther e?s not a lot to say about
* If you got 0-3, you are overall lucky! Some things you uhhh you?r e cool I guess.
might get in your way or negatively affect your day,
but in the end you have a great time. If you got m ostly C's- You ar e Ur sula you?r e
* If you got 4-8, you are unlucky and lucky. M any days r eally stubbor n and you know w hat you
you get the worst luck and some times are bad but also w ant, and also you?r e r elated to Phoebe so it?s
others are okay/amazing. In the end, it could be worse. a w in-w in.
* If you got 9-13, you are just unlucky. You?ve been
through a lot of bad times and many days have just If you got m ostly Ds-you?r e Fun Bobby-w hat
been awful. Don?t worry though, you are still here and m or e can I say you?r e r eally fun and you can
you?ve overcome the hard times. br ing a sm ile to ever yone?s face!
W h at t ype of dog ar e you ? I t ?s Back ! !
By Eliza Kam holz By Leila New m an

Ever w onder w hat type of dog you ar e? Yes, I know , by the title I guess that you ar e
Well now you can find out! w onder ing: w hat do you m ean? W hat?s back? Well,
befor e I tell you, since it is the fir st day of cam p I w ill
1] How active are you? [be honest for a fir st say som ething about m e: I am pr obably the
real answer] biggest cat lover that you w ill EVER m eet. I say this
A.10% because I looooooooooooooooooove cats. Well, now
B.35% that I have told you that I w ill tell you w hat?s back .
C.50% IT'S THE LLAM A APOCALYPSE!!!!!!! It?s back and it?s
D.75% bigger than ever. How do I know this? Yoda w r ote it
E.100% in the star s. So, you don?t believe m e?!! Well, look up
if you don?t believe m e! If it?s night, you better get
2] In 90 degree weather how hot are you? r eady. They ar e com ing all the w ay fr om M ar s, so
[temperature] you have tim e to save your self befor e they com e
A.cold because M ar s is about 300 days aw ay. So you should
B.nor m al pr obably get m oving, because they left 299 days
C.hot ago!!!!! I hope you ar e r eady, because this m ay be
D.r eally hot shor t, but this is a ver y im por tant w ar ning. Ever y
E.super duper hot per son for them selves!!!! Oh no! They?r e her e!!!!

3] W hat's your fav food?

A.fish
B.Steak
C.fish sticks and fr ench fr ies
D. ANYTHING!!!!
E.Nothing
Don't eat soap.
4] Are you honest?
A.I w on?t tell YOU that Don't f igh t t h e
B.Not r eally llam a apocalypse.
C.Yup!.....:)
D.No In st ead, join
E.give m e som e m oney and the next day On e-A-Day
I?ll have a car Wr it eam in
5] Can you read?
(Per iod 5)
A.No cause I?m to stupid We h ave on ly
B.M or e or less
C.Yes
4 people,
D.M aybe an d 2 ar e
E.I?m going to eat you m issin g.
6] Do you like dogs? We do w eir d
A.No w r it in g
B.YESSSSSSSS!!!!! act ivit ies.
C.NO
D.M AYBE? ? ? ? ? ...if you w ant to die You m igh t
E.I?m not listening to you! lik e it (?)
M ostly A?s: you?r e a cat
M ostly
M ostly
M ostly
M ostly
B?s: you?r e a beagle
C?s: you?r e a fr ench bulldog
D?s: you?r e a bloodhound
E?s: you?r e a chihuahua
JOIN US.
Th e Real Reason s f or Cam p Ru l es W h at An i m al Ar e You ?
By Roxanne ?Rules ar e M ade for Br eaking?? Glassenber g By Echo Lar sen

You m ight r em em ber that ther e ar e (supposedly) only 4-5? 3? W ho 1) How do people describe
know s?-at CRCAP. But w hy? Not w hy that fluctuating num ber of you?
r ules, but w hat ar e the r easons behind the CRCAP r ules? And you a) Funny
m ight think, ?Roxanne, the r eal r eason for the cam p r ules ar e b) Fr iendly
totally nor m al. Don?t go behind a building because it?s a liability c) Fier ce
for the cam p. Don?t r un in the buildings because you m ight knock d) Fun
som eone over and it w ould be a liability for the cam p, etc., etc.? e) W hy ar e these all F
And I w ould say, ?Hey you! I know w hat you?r e thinking and you. adjectives?
Ar e. Wr ong!!!? So, in or der to cor r ect these hor r ibly com m on
m istakes about the or igins of cam p r ules, I pr esent the r eal 2) W hat is your favorite
r easons for var ious cam p r ules. color?
a) Pink
1. Don ?t go beh i n d t h e bu i l di n gs w i t h ou t a cou n sel or : Buckle b) Blue
up, kids, because this is a fun one. So one day in like the 80?s this c) Yellow
kid-let?s call him Dr ew -w as in M ockum entar y. And he w as like, d) Gr een
?Hey, br o, it?s 1986 let?s seize the day. I'm gonna go behind the e) Rainbow
com m unity center.? So he left class w hen the counselor s w er en?t
looking and he w ent behind the building. Once he w as back ther e 3) W hat is your favorite
he saw a tr ee. And so he clim bed it. Dr ew w as at the top of the sport?
little tr ee w aving to his fr iends fr om up ther e. Of cour se being a) Hockey
dum b, he clim bed dow n to the end of a big tr ee br anch, and just b) Sw im m ing
as he r eached the end of the br anch, CRACK! He fell and br oke his c) Basketball
w r ist. But that?s not w hy w e can?t go behind building. No, w e can?t d) Soccer
go behind buildings because one tim e Aar on saw a feather behind e) Annoying people in
the M iddle Building and it fr eaked him out so he m ade up the public
r ule. Tr ue stor y.
4) W hat is your favorite
2. Don ?t m ess w i t h an y of t h e book s i n t h e CRS l i br ar y: And no, book?
this isn?t because the books ar en?t cam p pr oper ty. No, it?s because a) Har r y Potter
CRS is acclaim ed for its collection of eldr itch tim es. M aybe six b) Per cy Jackson
year s ago a cr eative star ts kid opened one thinking it w as com ic c) All The Answ er s
book and his eyes m elted. And then of cour se he w as possessed by d) Keeper Of The Lost
a dem on and it w as just a huge m ess. A cappella tr ied to per for m a Cities
m usical exor cism and the nur se had to m op up so m uch slim e. e) The r andom ?Wor ld
Thus, all the books have been outlaw ed to avoid m or e six year Book? that?s sitting on the
olds possessed by dem ons. Debatably m ost of the students w ho shelf
take Wr iting Depar tm ent classes ar e possessed, but that?s all
subjective? 5) W ho is your favorite
celebrity?
3. Never t ak e of f you r sh oes: This is a w eir d one. Basically, at a) Em m a Watson
one point in the cam p?s histor y ther e w as an issue w ith the pasta b) Justin Tim ber lake
alfr edo that m ade ever yone?feet sm ell like they had w alked in c) Selena Gom ez
cheese. After a w eek, the cheese sm ell got w or se and w or se and d) Car di B
w or se as the m etaphor ical cheese r otted. Finally fed up, the cam p e) Justin Bieber
dir ector at the tim e m ade ever yone keep shoes on all the tim e to
m uffle the sm ell. Pr ior to this, people w ent ar ound shoeless like Her e ar e your r esults:
ther e w as no tom or r ow. Of cour se, ever since this r ule w as M ostly a)s: M onkey
instated, ther e have been sever al subver sive bar efoot gr oups all M ostly b)s: W hale
acr oss the cam pus (one of w hich goes by the nam e of ?Gir l Band?). M ostly c)s: Eagle
M ostly d)s: Elephant
Fr om now on, w henever your fr iends com plain about annoying M ostly e)s: ?????
cam p r ules you can give them these Cer tified Accur ate answ er s
pr ovided by your favor ite CRCAP histor ian, Roxanne Glassenber g!
W h at Type of Wal k er ar e YOU?
By Ben Cr able
Hello cam per s! If you?r e new her e, you m ay
not know Walker. Walker is a w ell-know n
counselor at cam p, and a pr im e sour ce for a
m ajor ity of jokes in the Daily Double. So her e
is w hat type of Walker you ar e!!!
Question 1: W hen given a lunch tray with
cereal and milk in it, your response is?
A: Wonder w hat type of cer eal and m ilk is in
the tr ay and if it is secr etly poison
B: Thr ow the tr ay at som eone out of r evenge
or just for fun
C: Im m ediately eat the cer eal and hug the
per son w ho gave it to you
Question 2: You?re babysitting a toddler, and it
starts crying, what would you do?
A: Star t questioning w hether this baby is
actually a baby or a Br itish spy tr ying to find
out your w eaknesses and find out w hat
happened to Far m er John
B: Becom e angr y at the baby and w r ite it a
m ean r eview on Reddit
C: Cheer the baby up w ith tr aditional
m ethods such as m aking it w atch car toons
and such
Question 3: You are eating tacos, and your
third taco falls onto the floor, what is your
response?
A: Wonder if this w as an assassination
attem pt that took dow n the taco by m istake
B: Get angr y and eat the taco off the floor
w hile cur sing the taco and it?s fam ily to never
fall on floor s again
C: Believe that the taco w ill be a w onder ful
m eal for the insects and r odents living on the
floor
Question 4: You are reading books about the
founding of America and it DOES NOT
mention CRCAP in any way, what is your
response?
A: Com e up w ith conspir acy theor ies
claim ing that CRCAP w as founded by aliens
as an alien base and all the counselor s ar e
aliens contr olling m ankind
B: Rip the book to shr eds and bur n the
r em ainder s, then w r ite a m ean r eview on
Reddit that CRCAP is not in the histor y books
C: Realize that CRCAP w as not established
dur ing the Am er ican r evolution and shr ug it
off. Then hug som eone for no r eason
Usel ess an d/or Obv i ou s Fact s; No r eal l y, t h ese
f act s ar e u sel ess.
By Ben Cr able
1. You just r ead this sentence.
2. W hen w alking, you ar e m oving
3. Walker has the ability to suck som eone?s soul
fr om their body
4. Water is w et, but w et isn?t w ater
5. CRCAP w as established w hen Walker w as bor n,
ar ound 1 A.D.
6. Walker has a m inecr aft let?s-play channel that he
r ecently deleted
7. Hot Dogs taste gr eat w hen coated in bacon bits
8. Wum bo gr ew a m ustache and bear d
9. The Old Building w as destr oyed to cover up the
evidence of Alien ar tifacts fr om Walker ?s alien past
10. Dante Capone has spent the last 2-3 year s in
Alcatr az (follow ing in the footsteps of his ancestor ,
Al-Capone), and has last been seen at CRCAP in 2015
Top 5 Lat e-20t h -21st Cen t u r y Son gs
By Henr y Thacher
Hihi. So, I?ve been listening to a lot of, like, slightly
older songs, like by the Spice Gir ls, * NSYNC, Aqua,
and Br itney spear s. So, her e ar e, like, my top five
favor ites.
1. "Wannabe"-Spice Gir ls
2. "Oops! I Did it Again"-Br itney Spear s
3. "Bye Bye Bye"-* NSYNC
4. "Baby One M or e Tim e"-Br itney Spear s
5. "Bar bie Gir l"-Aqua
You don?t have to, but I, like, suggest that you kinda,
like, listen to them , and, just, tell m e w hat you
think? I?ll, like, put up a sheet to, sor ta, like, w r ite
on? So, like, bye bye bye!
If you answ er ed m ostly A?s, then you ar e PARANOID
WALKER. You ar e par anoid about EVERYTHING and
tr ust NO ONE. You m ay be insane but no one m inds
because they love your conspir acy theor ies.
If you answ er ed m ostly Bs, then you ar e ANGRY
WALKER. You ar e easily anger ed and w ould cause
the univer se to explode if it w er en?t for the fact you
w er e Walker. Over all you ar e still w ell-liked but not
w or shipped because you ar e still Walker , w hich
m akes you angr y.
If you answ er ed m ostly C?, then you ar e POSITIVE
WALKER. You LOVE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE
AT ANYTIM E. Ever yone loves and w or ships you as a
God/Goddess and no one m inds you ar e Walker.
An Un bi ased Opi n i on on t h e Lat est Tr en d: For t n i t e W h at t ype of dog ar e you ?
By Nico Di Angelo By Eliza Kam holz

I bet you?ve hear d of it. The gam e ever yone is talking Ever w onder w hat type of dog you ar e?
about. For tnite Battle Royale is definitely the talk of the Well now you can find out!
year. Ever yone w ill tell you their opinion, ?I love
For tnite! It?s so m uch fun!? Or ?W hy is ever yone talking 1] How active are you? [be honest for a
about it? It?s so stupid.? Or , once in a blue m oon (scr atch real answer]
that, ever y other blue m oon), ?W hat is For tnite?? A.10%
Ever yone has their ow n bias. But I don?t. I am a per son B.35%
w ho pr ides him self on using facts r ather then em otions C.50%
to deter m ine an answ er. And I am going to give you my D.75%
opinion on this new gam e. E.100%
For star ter s, let m e just say that I do play For tnite on
m obile. I only got it because I needed to know , ?W hat?s 2] In 90 degree weather how hot are
this gam e anyw ay?? And I found the gam e to be, w ell, you? [temperature]
iffy. I saw the appeal in it, I saw the pr oblem s in it, and I A.cold
also cam e to a conclusion. The basic pr inciple of For tnite B.nor m al
is the sam e as all the other shooting gam es. You shoot C.hot
som eone until they die and you get r ew ar ds in r etur n. D.r eally hot
It?s not m uch of a change. Sur e, it has a M inecr aft E.super duper hot
elem ent to it, and blab all you w ant about the em otes
and being com patible w ith all types of devices, but it?s 3] W hat's your fav food?
still the sam e idea. It?s r eally nothing w e haven?t seen A.fish
befor e. B.Steak
How ever , For tnite is pr obably the better gam e to get C.fish sticks and fr ench fr ies
for your kid com par ed to Call Of Duty or GTA. For one, D. ANYTHING!!!!
For tnite doesn?t have any inappr opr iate cutscenes w ith, E.Nothing
how should I put this, adult content. Also, a huge m er it of
For tnite is the lack of blood or gor y violence, w hich 4] Are you honest?
m any sim ilar shooting gam es ar e abundant w ith. All that A.I w on?t tell YOU that
happens w hen a per son dies is that they spasm and get B.Not r eally
absor bed into a little dr one thing, leaving behind all of C.Yup!.....:)
their collected loot. And it is a com plete myth that D.No
For tnite m akes people do school shootings. M any of the E.give m e som e m oney and the next
people w ho br ing a gun to a school and shoot people day I?ll have a car
alr eady have m ental illnesses like schizophr enia or
psychosis. They m ay also just happen to play For tnite, 5] Can you read?
w hich isn?t sur pr ising consider ing the r apidly incr easing A.No cause I?m to stupid
popular ity of the gam e. B.M or e or less
So w hat is my opinion, you ask? After collecting all C.Yes
the facts, w hat is your conclusion? W hat do you think? I D.M aybe
have com e to believe that For tnite is a good, fun gam e. E.I?m going to eat you
W hile som ething is definitely to be said about the lack of
or iginality, and it is cer tainly annoying to hear all the 6] Do you like dogs?
m any, m any stor ies about all the victor y r oyales and kills A.No
som eone got, For tnite is not a bad gam e. It is safer for B.YESSSSSSSS!!!!!
the m inds of childr en than m ost of the other shooting C.NO
gam es, it has fun elem ents of building a base and D.M AYBE? ? ? ? ? ...if you w ant to die
defending it, and it involves people w ith a lar ge am ount E.I?m not listening to you!
of str ategy and quick thinking in the gam e. For tnite
deser ves about 90% of all the popular ity it gets. It?s okay
M ostly A?s:you?r e a cat
to not like it, and it?s okay to like it. I have spoken my
M ostly B?s:you?r e a beagle
ver dict, and I stand by it. It doesn?t m atter if you
M ostly C?s:you?r e a fr ench bulldog
disagr ee w ith it. You have your opinions, and I have
M ostly D?s:you?r e a bloodhound
m ine. Anyw ay, thank you for taking the tim e to r ead this.
M ostly E?s:you?r e a chihuahua
Have a gr eat day!