So, you want to ruin a community?

Contents p. 6
October 1, 2010 VOLUME 6 Issue 9
Editor-In-Chief Todd Morehead
todd@columbiacitypaper.com

ARTS EDITOR Judit Trunkos

jtrunkos@columbiacitypaper.com

News.Politics.Commentary. colatheater.com
S.M. Baleem, Garrett Kellerhals
regional briefs bible belt against charity car washes 3 Design
Editorial voting machines are threatening our democracy 4 Lisa Corbin
arts West African woodcarvings at hofp 5
6 Music
Cover Story four essential elements to the ruination of a city Kingsley Waring, Shelby Sachs
Music ANTiSEEN at Hard Knox 8
Vocal booth hip hop review 10 Pg. 8 Publisher
Paul Blake

Movies.Entertainment.Etc.
paul@columbiacitypaper.com

Account Executives
John Gibson, James Wallace
soundboard punk/indie/emo/ska/hardcore/metal/rock 8 Contributors
Road Trip regional music dates 10 S.M. Baleem, Garrett Kellerhals, Ismail Lagardien,
movie times at the Nick and big mo drive-in 13 WR Marshall, Will Moredock, Ted Rall,
savage love adult sex advice 13 Dan Savage, Kingsley Waring, Baynard Woods
Jonesin Crosswords 14
Cartoons Derf & Red Meat 14 Columbia City Paper
Sudoku 15 2965 North Main Street
Pg. 13 Columbia, SC 29201
803.218.9455 (dial area code)

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are $1 and two-bits each. Views expressed do not necessarily represent the opinions of Columbia City Paper or its publisher. (C) Columbia City Paper, LLC

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 By Todd Morehead
BISHOPVILLE
Water gets hotter for former Lee
County sheriff
A former Lee County sheriff has been
indicted on 47 new charges, as the drug
conspiracy case against him takes on new
layers that now include allegations of money
laundering and racketeering.
Prosecutors say former sheriff, E.J.
Melvin’s, collusion with drug dealers dates
back to 2001, his first year in office as
sheriff. Melvin allegedly described himself
to an associate as “untouchable,” they
said, and often used his status as sheriff to
solicit bribes from dealers in return for his
protection. Prosecutors also allege that
Melvin actually trafficked drugs himself.
A witness in the case said he saw Melvin
deal cocaine from his sheriff’s office vehicle
in 2006.
Melvin resigned in May after he was
charged with conspiracy to deal drugs in
Lee County. After pleading not guilty, he has
been out on bond and is set to be arraigned
on Oct. 6.
LANCASTER
Human remains discovered after dog
dug them up, brought them home
Lancaster County authorities have not
yet indentified human remains that were
unearthed by a dog last week.
According to one media report, the dog
sniffed out a pile of human bones, dug a few
up and carried them back to a house near
Kershaw. The homeowners called police
when they found the bones.
Officials returned to the residence after
their first response but found no more bones
there. They were also not able to find a
complete skeleton or the origin of the dog’s
find. They said they hope DNA analysis can
help to indentify the remains.
“They were in pretty rough shape,”
Lancaster County Sheriff Barry Faile said in
the report.
MONCKS CORNER he believes the disciplinary action was woman said she had discovered a similar
Police officer fired for having squad excessive. substance on her window in the spring but
car cleaned at bikini car wash “The girls were washing cars. There didn’t report it.
A Monks Corner police officer joined was nothing illegal,” Badgett told the Post So far, police have no suspects.
the ranks of the unemployed after photos of and Courier. “I don’t understand why people
bikini-clad women washing his squad car for are making such a big deal out of it. If Girl ROCK HILL
charity surfaced on Facebook. Scouts were out there washing cars, would Robber foiled trying to rob sports bar
One of the bikini-clad women, who is there be a problem?” during lunch rush
a Berkeley County sheriff’s deputy, will not A Rock Hill man is behind bars after his
be disciplined because she was off duty and MYRTLE BEACH failed attempt to rob a sports bar during the
didn’t display any identifiers related to the Public masturbator holds city in his lunch rush hour. According to one report, a
sheriff’s department. grip York County Sheriff’s employee was eating
So far, Moncks Corner Police would not Myrtle Beach police are continuing lunch in the restaurant at the time.
indentify the officer, who allowed his squad to search for a man who masturbated at a Nukhem-Ra Roberts, 23, was charged
car to be washed at the “Tits n Tats” car wash woman’s window and then fled the scene. with strong arm robbery after his failed
at Rockstar Tattoo. According to the Myrtle Beach Sun- attempt to rob Luke’s Sport’s Bar.
“I think he took his personal car News, a recent victim told police she was According to a police report, Roberts
there first and then he went in his police watching television in her home, heard a handed a note to the bar manager demanding
car,” Police Chief Chad Caldwell told the noise outside her window and thought she money. The bar did not comply and he was
Charleston Post and Courier. “I don’t think had discovered “someone holding a mag detained shortly thereafter. Employees at the
sports bar said Roberts had left the restaurant
without paying for his meal in the past and
had frequented the bar for days leading up to
his attempted heist.
Newspaper reports on crab leg
incident at restaurant
A Rock Hill newspaper, possibly due
to a slow news day, recently reported that a
couple left a Fort Mill area restaurant after a
disagreement with management over a crab
leg dinner.
For reasons known only to the Rock
Hill Herald and its editorial department,
the reporter detailed an incident in which
a couple ordered crab legs at Capt. Steve’s
Family Seafood restaurant and left without
paying. The report later revealed that
restaurant management confronted the
couple for violating its “no sharing” policy.
Photo courtesy of Facebook used without permission
“Tuesday night is all you can eat crab
legs,” the news report clarified.
he was trying to be malicious. I think he used light with a light colored ring around it” Deputies were reportedly unable to
completely poor judgment.” before realizing she was actually staring at locate the couple after they walked out a
Though the officer was off duty, the a man’s penis. According to the report, the their $38.10 bill, according the story.
department has strict policies in place woman screamed and the man ran away. talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
concerning the use of take-home cruisers. A responding officer said he discovered
Rockstar Tattoo owner, Josh Badgett, said a substance on the window screen. The October 1, 2010 3
   Frank Heindel is a computer-savvy, Over the next two months Heindel
tough-minded Charleston commodities barraged the Charleston County and state
trader. When he is not buying and selling election commissions with dozens of emails
corn and wheat, he makes himself a holy and shelled out more than $300 for staff and
terror to the folks at the South Carolina and copying services, trying to obtain public
Charleston County election commissions.      records which should be easily accessible.
Within days of the June 8 party For two months Bowers offered excuses for
primaries, he started firing off Freedom of her failure to deliver. Most alarmingly, she
Information requests to these two obscure claimed she could not comply with Heindel’s
bureaucracies, trying to find out more about FOI request without surrendering proprietary
the way our state’s 12,000 electronic voting information, which belongs to the machines’
machines work. In so doing he inspired an manufacturer, Election Systems & Software. 
almost-Kafkaesque theater as bureaucrats “The Security Plan is not available
ducked and dodged and dragged their feet to for public review,” Bowers wrote in an
avoid owning up to the mess they had just email. “I am sure that you can understand
supervised. This FOI attack may have already that protecting the integrity of the election
claimed its first victim: Charleston County process means not allowing outsiders access
Election Commission executive director  to certain items. We conduct very transparent
Marilyn Bowers suddenly announced her elections but as in any other business
retirement on Sept. 16. (banking, etc) there are some things you
The June 8 primaries left many of us don’t want everyone to be able to access....”
angry and skeptical that Alvin Greene, an Heindel was incredulous. “It just
unemployed man with no campaign staff, floors me that ES&S is the only one who
no headquarters, not even a computer or understands what is going on here,” Heindel
a website, could defeat the well- healed, told me in an interview. “The average person
well-organized campaign of Democratic should understand every step of this process.
Party veteran Vic Rawl for the U.S. Senate It should be totally transparent.”
nomination. While Heindel did not vote in The FOI dispute went to the Governor’s
the Democratic primary, he was among the Office, where an attorney ruled that  Bowers
skeptical. had to honor Heindel’s FOI request. Still, the
“When the Alvin Greene results came disk with the critical data did not arrive until
in....I thought that it is indeed possible for mid-August. And when it did, it showed that
the results to say absolutely anything and no Charleston County’s iVotronic machines had
one could disprove it,” Heindel told me in an suffered thousands of “events,” including
email. “We could all just stomp our feet and power failures and calibration errors. And
say, ‘Why, that is just not possible,’ but our no one could explain what had happened or
voting system is so woefully inadequate we why.
could be told any result and would have no On Tuesday, Sept. 14, Heindel sent an
other recourse than to just accept it.... email to the board of the county election
“Then after the election, the State commission, outlining his complaints with
Election Commission and Marilyn Bowers the iVotronic machines and their oversight.
are on the news saying how wonderful the Wednesday afternoon the board met with
machines performed. They were reliable and executive director Bowers. The next morning
the security was in place so no one had Bowers sent an email addressed, “To my
anything to worry about. (State commission MANY array of friends in the ‘Election
executive director) Marci Andino told Fits World,’” in which she announced that she
News that not one machine malfunctioned in would retire after the November election. In
S.C. And that is when my BS meter started to an attached letter to the board and staff, she
go off and I started the (FOI requests) to see gave personal reasons for retiring. Bowers
what was really going on behind the curtain.” did not respond to a request for comment.
Behind the curtain bureaucrats were There is no evidence that these “events”
running from the light. (See Frank Heindel’s directly affected the vote count. But it
correspondence with election officials in strongly suggests that election officials do
Charleston and Columbia on my blog.) not understand how their machines work or
At the heart of the drama was Heindel’s why they fail. Under those circumstances,
request for a disc containing the list of anything could happen and they would not
“events” which had affected the 391 voting know it.
machines in Charleston County on June 8. Frank Heindel is now preparing a
(In S.C., voting machines do not  experience website with an executive summary of his
“failures” or “errors.” They have “events.”) findings. Watch my blog for details.
Heindel made the request by email to Bowers www.charlestoncitypaper.com/blogs/
on June 11. thegoodfight             
4 October 1, 2010
 to submerge into the society.”
Just as music is such an important
part of Guinean culture, so are the wood
artifacts, masks and statues. At the “Out
of Africa” exhibition, the visitor will see
numerous statues and artifacts that served
an important part in West African culture
and society. The Toma (mask) for instance,
is one of the first large pieces that the
visitors will discover. This Toma mask
was obtained by a private collector in
1993 from Conakry, Republic of Guinea.
Originally the mask was the healer’s mask
in the Toma tribe. It is about 90 years old
and was used by the village chief who was
a great healer. The
coiffure. Originally the Banda mask was
considered a very dangerous being, who
protected humans in times of hardship or
danger.  
Another important part of the exhibition
is the large Baga Bird. This statue is
approximately 85 years old. Its size and
detail make it extremely rare. Unlike the
headdresses, the four pegs at the top of the
head are inserted into individual receptacles
and sealed, inferring that the receptacles
were used to store medicines or potions that
would ‘empower’ the statue. In the smaller
versions, the pegs and the head are carved as
a solid piece.  

West African woodcarvings and statues

will be on show at HOFP Gallery from
October 1 through Oct. 2. The exhibited
artifacts were used in actual healing and
other rituals in Africa and are believed to
have special powers. The opening reception
will provide a guest speaker on West African
culture, traditional African drum music by
Borenya, and African cuisine.
Darren Gilley spent 13 years in the
Republic of Guinea in West Africa where
he studied the region’s music and customs.
As an anthropologist and a student of music,
Gilley was especially interested in West
African music.  Living in a former French
colony, Gilley began to play drums with the
local drum players and slowly assimilated
into their society.  an antelope, the body of a serpent, and the
“Living in Guinea I found that music
was a very important social part of their
life,” he says. “As I drummed my whole life,
using this instrument was a great way for me
role of the mask was
to assist with healing “Living in Guinea I found that
and was considered a
mediator between the
music was a very important
living world and the
supernatural world of
social part of their life,” he
the dead. says. “As I drummed my whole
The largest piece
at the exhibition is the life, using this instrument was
Banda mask. This mask
is a mixture of human
a great way for me to submerge
and animal. The long
horizontal headdress is
into the society.”
composed of the face
of a human being and
the jaw of a crocodile, whose angular teeth Gilley came back to the United States
are visible along the side of the mask. The to share the uniqueness of Guinean culture
top of the headdress features the horns of and music. He also believes that music can
help at-risk youth. For this cause, Gilley’s
tail of a chameleon. The human face is band, Borenya, is raising funds to travel the
characterized by Baga scarification marks U.S., performing for young people at at-risk
as well as a woman’s elaborately braided elementary schools. 
October 1,, 2010 5
 These days it seems like just about
all governments – from the smallest town
councils to the largest – are trying to
ruin the communities they govern. This
can seem like a daunting task; for the
amateur, cutting through fads and hype to
find truly effective methods of ruining a
community can be confusing, frustrating
and downright difficult.
Fortunately, there are some leaders in
the field who have developed tried-and-
true techniques for ruining a community.
I’m proud to say that my hometown is
one of the nation’s leaders when it comes
to destroying its own community. As a
long-time observer of the goings-on of
city council and the municipal government
at large, I have decided to make it easier
for you, the prospective community ruiner,
to get the job done by distilling the tools
and techniques of our beloved state capitol
down to the bare essentials.
I have identified four essential elements
to the ruination of a city, and I have also
developed a nifty little acronym to make
it easier to keep track of everything. Just
remember:
COLA.
1. Combat the Arts.
2. Oppress the Youth.
3. Lie, and Lack a Plan.
6 October 1, 2010
4. Assault Small Business.
Combat the Arts, or: F___ Hippies.
In order to win a battle, it is important
to know the enemy. In our situation, the
enemy is anything that makes a community
grow and prosper. Fortunately for us,
there has been a lot of groundbreaking
development in the past few years when
it comes to understanding what makes
a community flourish. Professor Richard
Florida has demonstrated in several
studies, culminating in his book The Rise
of the Creative Class, that “knowledge
workers” who constitute “the creative
class” comprise the foundation upon which
all successful modern communities are
built.
Just what is a knowledge worker?
Simple: any highly trained, skilled
professional who performs creative, often
technical work that can’t be automated.
You know, folks such as architects,
engineers, software designers and the like.
Knowledge workers are awesome when it
comes to building communities because
they bring in a lot of wealth, they hype
up the perceived status of a city and they
bolster secondary business models like
high-end fashion and retail shops, gourmet
coffee shops, dentists and other fancy
businesses that we average Joes could
never afford.
Of course, since our goal is to ruin
our community, we have to ferret out these
pesky little buggers and send them packing,
never to return again! Which brings us to
our next question: what attracts knowledge
workers to begin with? The answer: the
arts.
I know what you’re thinking! For
years, the arts have been used as a way
to drain public coffers and pretend you’re
doing something for the community you
govern, while actually doing nothing. If it
weren’t for highly visible publicly funded
atrocities like the Blue Sky fire hydrant,
for instance, Columbia would be hundreds
of thousands of dollars less in debt.
Don’t worry, councilmen and women
of America, your artsy-fartsy boondoggles
are safe. What you have to be careful
not to develop, if you really want to ruin
your community, is a thriving, vibrant
and authentic arts scene in your area. You
see, individual artists and small, active
art groups like musicians, performance
artists, theaters, independent film scenes
and such are like catnip to knowledge
workers. (Anyone who’s seen a mechanical
engineer roll around on his back and bat at
the sky with his hands and feet during
an improvised jazz concert knows what
I’m talking about here.) In Columbia, the
municipal government is doing a fantastic
job destroying the knowledge economy by
going right to the root of the problem: the
artists.
Case study: Columbia
Alternacirque. This is a real staple of
Columbia’s performance art scene.
Assembled every weekend at Art Bar is
a collection of belly dancers, fire eaters,
magicians, live musicians and other artists
participating in a smorgasbord for the eyes,
ears and heart. It is a precious little gem
for Columbia. We’re talking top-notch,
national-caliber entertainment that gathers
a huge, peaceable crowd of arts lovers
(many of whom, of course, are nasty little
knowledge workers).
Columbia is doing an impeccable job
of pounding this shiny nail back into the
ground by harassing patrons who wander
six inches away from the “free zone” of
Art Bar property with cocktails in hand.
Oh, but it doesn’t stop with an undignified
game of “the sidewalk is lava!” The
atmosphere is also ruined by a veritable
“Rat Patrol” of tow trucks that strobe
bright lights a few feet away from the
Alternacirque stage and a complete lack
of support for the cast and crew of our
humble little circus when it comes to
things like parking and promotion.
A community that wants to grow would
seek out fantastic groups like Alternacirque,
but of course we, the community ruiners of
America, can learn a fine lesson from the
animosity which has been cultivated by the
City of Columbia.
the local press! Even alt-weeklies like the
Free Times have lionized him from the
starting gate. And his cohort, Tameika
Isaac Devine, has been given one free pass
after another since she stumbled her way
into an 8 point re-election after facing a
plummet and crash to the ground with an
oily, choking cloud of smoke and flame.
Case study: temporary vendors
Columbia is cracking down
on temporary vendors. We saw the
foreshadowing when it red-taped a potential
entertainment districts in Columbia at 2
a.m. Sure, it would be reasonable to pass
a curfew restricting minors from being in
entertainment districts after a certain time,
but Belinda thinks grown-ass men and
women like you and me have no business

“Belinda Gergel has proven to be the

taco truck into submission by pretending carousing and reveling after 2 a.m.
there was some sort of “precedent” or This will be a master stroke, as it

most onerous nanny to hit the scene

“justification” for blocking a new business will Combat the Arts, since a lot of local
from moving into an area developed and musicians play well into the night; Oppress

since Fran Drescher ” zoned for exactly what the taco truck
entrepreneur was aiming to do. Now
the city is coming out swinging against
the Youth who want a decent nightlife in
Columbia; Lack a plan for how bars and
night clubs who rely on this after-2 a.m.

O
ppress the Youth, or: Get Out of
Here, You Kids!
Happy, productive young people –
especially bright young professionals – are
a shining source of energy and spirit for a
healthy community. But if you really want
to ruin a community, you have to make
sure these kids are given the boot, hard and
often. Now, a healthy community might
institute reasonable restrictions on minors
– like curfews in entertainment districts –
in the interest of public safety. But a truly
ruinous municipality doesn’t stop there!
You know what kids love? Video
games! Columbia’s municipal government
recognized this fact, acting upon it by
citing local bar The Whig for “lacking a
license” for a free cocktail table version
of “Space Invaders.” Now, keep in mind
26-year-old sweaty, bearded nobody with a
total budget of $2,000 to her $50,000 plus.
(Hi, Grant!)
Of course, you can lie and still find
success. Just look at Bill Clinton, Richard
Nixon and Baron Münchhausen! So you
need to pair your lying with a complete
lack of any sort of cohesive plan or vision.
Columbia has been a champion at this
for decades under the guiding hand of
former Mayor Bob Coble. It looks like
Benjamin and his new regime will take
up the torch with gusto as they amble
their way through one council meeting
after another, quibbling over minutiae and
bringing in a Ziegfeld Follies-esque parade
of consultants, committees and experts
– most highly paid and all completely
without answers.
produce farmers and other vendors like
our love-him/hate-him artist Ernest Lee.
Whereas most healthy communities would
fight to allow temporary vendors to grow
and flourish in a manner that benefits the
city, in this example, we see that Columbia
has managed to Combat a staple of our arts
community; Lie to a taco vendor; Lack
any sort of plan to make room for these
worthy, contributing small businessmen
and women; and, of course, Assault small
local businesses with ruthless precision.
Case study: 2 a.m. closings
Belinda Gergel has proven to be
the most onerous nanny to hit the scene
since Fran Drescher, and her for-your-
own-good, tough-love, mother-knows-best
crusade has most recently taken the form
of a maternalistic campaign to shut down
income will be able to compensate; and
Assault small businesses by placing even
more restrictions on the already over-taxed
and over-regulated restaurants and bars of
our fair city.
See? Once you get the system down,
it’s fool proof! Now, all you outlying
municipal councils and governments, get
out there and ruin some communities!
If you do your job right, you might
even be able to get the same reaction out of
your local artists as we got out of good ol’
Earnest Lee, who was quoted in The State
Newspaper as saying: “I’ll go to another
city or state if I have to. That’s the end of
that.”
Don’t let the door hit you on the way
out, Chicken Man!
talkback@columbiacitypaper.com

that this version of “Space Invaders” – a
classic 1980s video game that anyone can
obtain for free on a notebook computer,
mobile phone or graphic calculator – was
completely free! The Whig did not charge
a dime, nickel, penny or back rub for
anyone to sit down and play. So when
I tell you the City of Columbia cracked
down on The Whig, no longer allowing it
to offer this whimsical laser blastin’ action
game for play at its bar, you understand
what I mean when I say this was a stroke
of genius. Community-ruining wannabes,
take note!
A
ssault Small Business, or: Stop
Mom and Pop.
Finally, it is important to destroy small
local business at every turn. This can be
as simple as having the highest tax rate
in the entire state for local businesses, or
you can go the advanced route and favor
out-of-town big developers when doling
out public contracts and hiring consultants
and experts.
It’s also a good idea to make small
business operation impossible by
perpetrating extremely expensive and

L
ie, and Lack a Plan; or: How
I Learned to Stop Worrying and
Just Forget About All My Campaign
Promises.
It’s no secret that politicians stretch the
truth during campaigns to gain the power
needed to effectively ruin a community,
but our mayor, Steve Benjamin, has made
tremendous strides in the art, that would
give even national-level players a run for
their graft. Not only has he “failed” to
implement any of several flat-out, cross-
my-heart-hope-to-die promises (such as
agreeing not to hold any vocational position
other than the office of mayor, or balancing
the budget), but he has done so without
eliciting even so much as a murmur from
poorly conceived streetscaping regimens
like those previously on Main Street and
in Five Points and, to this day, on North
Main. You also have to think long-term
by concocting harebrained schemes like
the “Renaissance TIF District,” which will
cost our city millions of dollars over
the next few decades and will provide
“benefits” ranging from opening a pizza
parlor to publicly funding developments
for a private school (which is illegal),
while simultaneously driving out lower-
middle class folks living in that area.
Once you become comfortable with
the individual measures outlined above,
you can begin dabbling in combination
maneuvers. These one-two punches will
ensure that your community will stall out, September 23 2010 7
 Southern legends ANTiSEEN will
brutalize all who partake at Hard Knox
in West Columbia this Friday. Twenty-
five years in, the South’s flag bearers of
rock n’ roll chaos are still as hard and
disturbing as ever.
You don’t get many bands like this
anymore. Definitely none to the chaotic
pitch of ANTiSEEN. Youngsters hungry
for authentic mayhem, take heed: that’s
real barbed wire and real blood streaming
8 October 1, 2010
from singer Jeff Clayton’s head. These
guys, after all, used to play with GG
Allin.
This is not a show for the politically
correct. But, if you want some solid hard-
ass Southern punk rock and, potentially,
some very real danger, put on your big
boy britches and come on out.
-Norbet Sykes
 Peace and blessings. Hope you have been
well out there. Both USC (R.I.P. McKinley) and
Clemson are off to great starts, the temperature
is dropping, and the South Carolina State Fair is
right around the corner. Let’s get it!!
NOSTALGIA
Since autumn has officially begun and
we have steered clear from any Hurricanes
(literally); I developed a list of 15 artists (and
albums) that have come into the game with the
power of a category four storm. Some have
had everlasting impacts, some where just for a
season. This list should inform you as to what
comes out your mouth and how you spend your
time can never be taken for granted...
1) RUN-DMC Raising Hell (1986):
Although this was their third album, this was
the album that separated Run-DMC (& Jam
Master Jay) from every other Hip Hop act
on the planet. The number of accolades
garnered from this album will forever remain
in the record books. Respect the architects.
2) L.L. Cool J Mama Said Knock
You Out (1990): After three previously
successful albums (with a few slip ups), many
thought that the self proclaimed ‘G.O.A.T.’
was down for the count. This album proved
otherwise. With monster smashes like
‘Boomin’ System’, ‘Jingling Baby’, and the
killer ‘Around The Way Girl’; Mama Said
Knock You Out bought LL the title to over 20
years in the music business.
3) N.W.A. Straight Outta
Compton (1988): The DNA to ‘Street Reality
on Wax’ begins with this album. Although
there were some earlier who touched on the
topic of the other side of poverty; no other
said it as this prophetic. Think of ‘F#$k The
Police’ and you’ll understand. Salute!!!
4) Ice-T Power (1988): The
Original Gangster solidified his presence
with this album. From the historic album
cover (sweet Darlene) to the thunderous
tracks (shouts to Afrika Islam), Power is the
blueprint to the West Coast sound.
5) Boogie Down Productions
Criminal Minded (1986): ‘Poetry’, ‘9mm Goes
Bang’, ‘South Bronx’, ‘P Is Free’, ‘Dope
Beat’, ‘The Bridge Is Over’, and the title track
all appear on this ferocious debut. KRS-One
became an emcee like no other before or after.
Singular would fit him best.
6) Eric B & Rakim Paid In Full
(1986): ‘I Ain’t No Joke’, ‘My Melody’, ‘I
know you got soul’, ‘Eric B for President’,
‘Move The Crowd’, and the title track all
are records that have literally shaped the
approach that any and every emcee who has
released a single, EP, LP, or bonus DVD after
1986. Hands down the most influential album
ever recorded.
7) Dr. Dre The Chronic (1992):
No explanation can be given if you have
never heard this record and no explanation is
needed if you have. Classic!!!!!
10 October 1, 2010
8) Wu-Tang Clan Enter The
36 Chambers (1993): The Wu-Tang Clan
consisted of nine of the fiercest emcees (RZA,
GZA, Inspectah Deck, U-God, Raekwon,
Ghostface Killah, Masta Killa, Method Man,
and the Ol’ Dirty Bastard-R.I.P.) ever. They
changed how music sounds sonically (i.e. -
‘Protect Ya Neck’), how albums are made
(i.e. Wu-Tang Forever double album), and
how music business is handled (literally
rewrote recording contracts). Their impact
is worldwide.
9) Snoop Doggy Dogg DoggyStyle
(1993): The West Coast crowned its young
king on this album. His reigned has not
waned since. Listen to ‘Gin & Juice’, ‘What’s
My Name’, ‘Doggy Dogg World’, and ‘Murder
Was The Case’ and you will understand why.
10) The Notorious Big Ready To
Die (1994): Although I am partial to Life
After Death as being his best album; he would
not have been able to make that album if
this one was not released. This is one of the
most greatly lyrical and relevant albums ever
made. R.I.P. to Big Poppa
11) Outkast ATLiens & Aquemini
(1996/1998): These two albums are two
distinctively different sounding albums,
but both convey the same message…
CREATIVITY. No other albums made sound
like these and you will be hard pressed to find
two other albums that say so much and are
still true.
12) Public Enemy It Takes A Nation
of Millions To Hold Us Back & Fight The
Power (1988/1990): Simply pick up these two
albums before you pick up any other albums
on this list and you will truly understand the
power of what Hip Hop is. Classic!!!!!!!
13) NAS Illmatic (1994): Released
to a deaf public but slow burning to divinity.
Many have deemed this the greatest album in
Hip Hop history, and based on the beats (Pete
Rock, DJ Premier, Large Professor, etc.), the
songs (‘NY State Of Mind’, ‘World Is Yours’,
‘Ain’t Hard To Tell’, etc.), and the seminal
album cover (see insert), that argument is
hard to dispute.
14) 2 Pac All Eyes On Me (1996):
Much respect goes to one of the greatest
people to ever walk the face of the Earth.
Tupac Amaru Shakur was seminal and this
album is proof positive as to why. Classic!!!!
15) Jay-Z (Blueprint), Eminem
(Slim Shady LP), 50 Cent (Get Rich Or Die
Trying), EPMD (Business As Usual), Heavy D
& The Boyz (Peaceful Journey), Gang Starr
(Hard To Earn), Puff Daddy (No Way Out),
UGK (Riding Dirty), and so many more to
come. Stay Tuned!!!!!
WORDS OF WISDOM
Seek and you shall find!!!
DJ KINGPIN-Villain of Vinyl
(kingpinvillianofvinyl@gmail.com)
All Hallow’s Eve Spectacular!

e s h o w
Liv deon Fox Theatre
at the Nickelo
m / s h o w a t 8 p m
doors at 7p
“B es t. Lo ca l. Pr og ra m . Ev er .”
-C ol um bi a C it y Pa pe r

Fi nd us on Fa ce bo ok .
Dr in ki ng In Th eM or ni ng .co m
Friday October 1 Kim Richey w/ Mando Art Bar New Brookland Tavern New Brookland Tavern
Saenz. Music Crawl NBT Battle of the bands Pomegranates New Brookland Tavern
Cafe Strudel The Fluorescents NBT Battle of the bands
Rosanna Mae Utopia Sunday October 3 Utopia TBA
The Tray Hourne Band Open Mic w Betz Kirby Utopia
Hard Knox Grill New Brookland Tavern Utopia Vince McKinley Band
Anti-Seen with Saturday October 2 Freshman 15 Friday October 8 Blue Train
You, Me, and Us My Losing Season Thursday October 14
Murder Media Cafe Strudel So Contagious Hard Knox Grill Sunday October 10
Flagship Admirals Versus The Robot Zack Deputy 10:00pm New Brookland Tavern
Museum Of Art Hawaiian Shirt Day New Brookland Tavern NBT Battle of the bands
Nora Jane Struthers Martin Luther King Simple As Surgery New Brookland Tavern Invoking The Abstract
Park Black Veil Brides Vespers Utopia
New Brookland Tavern Columbia Blues Festival Monday October 4 William Control Ironwill Open Mic
5:45Kemp Ridley Jason Ricci & New Blood Motionless In White Roselyn
Emily McCollum The Holmes Brothers Tuesday October 5 Saying Goodbye To Friday October 15
Ned Durrett Eden Brent Utopia Scarlett
Paul Brazell Wednesday October 6 J’Overt New Brookland Tavern
10pm NBT’s DIY-Pod New Brookland Tavern Monday October 11 All-New Badges
Dance Party Bio Ritmo w DJ New Brookland Tavern Saturday October 9 Two Cow Garage
Bring your iPods Gardnsound NBT Battle of the bands Art Bar New Brookland Tavern Dave Hause (from The
Utopia Sons Of Young, Head Acoustic Open Mic Night Loved Ones)
The Sly Fox Utopia Loose Shoes Space w/ Brightford Timshel
Jason Dalton The System Cafe Strudel
The White Mule Thursday October 7 Redd Wyne Wednesday October 13

Road Trip
10/01/10 :: Friday Jack of the Wood Knight Theater Kim Richey t8rtot
The Wormhole
Futurebirds 40 Watt Asheville, NC Charlotte, NC The White Mule
Club Athens, Columbia, SC Savannah, GA
GA Jonathan Scales (Jon Dead Confederate
Scales Fourchestra) Mt. St. Helens BoomBox Mia Borders
Dave Matthews Mo Daddy’s Vietnam Band Archnemesis Blue Ridge
Tribute Band Asheville, NC Snug Harbor Gottrocks Pride Festival
Last Call Athens, Charlotte, NC Greenville, SC Asheville, NC
GA Yard Dogs Road
Lingo New Show Orange Rebecca Loebe Standing Small The Woodgrains
Earth Music Hall Peel illicitizen The Channel Grammer School
Athens, GA Asheville, NC Raina Rose Greenville, SC Mo Daddy’s
Yadkin River Theory Asheville, NC
Emancipator Where The Buffalo The Evening Muse Jupiter Coyote
Live Wire Music Hall Roamed Static Charlotte, NC Matt MacKelcan Where The Buffalo
Savannah, GA Age Records The Handlebar Roamed Static
Asheville, NC Sugarland Greenville, SC Age Records
t8rtot Little Big Town Asheville, NC
The Wormhole Rafe Hollister Randy Montana George Jones
Savannah, GA Stella Blue Verizon Wireless Timmons Arena Margot and The
Asheville, NC Amphitheatre Greenville, SC Nuclear So & So’s
Domino Effect Charlotte, NC Cameron McGill &
Wild Wing Cafe Now You See Them Bret Mosley Acme What Army
Savannah, GA O Mello Cello Tree Paul Cataldo Cantina Isle of The Lonely Forest
The Emerald Lounge South Rock Palms, SC Stella Blue
Plumnelle Moon Asheville, NC Hendersonville, NC Papa Roach Asheville, NC
Dingus Magee’s Skillet House of
Statesboro, GA Keller Williams Holy Ghost Tent Blues N. HudsonK
Pisgah Brewing Revival The Myrtle Beach, SC Westville Pub
Plumnelle Moon Black Mountain, NC Sunrise Theater Asheville, NC
Dingus Magee’s Southern Pines, NC Electric Six
Statesboro, GA The South French The Constellations Ratatat
Broads The Tater Family New Brookland Dom
Shannon Whitworth Town Pump Black Travelling Circus Tavern West Bobby Birdman
Biltmore Estate Mountain, NC The Moonshiner’s Columbia, SC Amos’ Southend
Asheville, NC Reunion Charlotte, NC
Appetite For Campobello, SC 10/02/10 :: Saturday
Cotton Jones Destruction Elf Power 40 Watt Mae
Pepper Rabbit Amos’ Southend Jason Aldean Club Athens, Terrible Things
Broadway’s Charlotte, NC Luke Bryan North GA Windsor Drive
Asheville, NC Charleston Coliseum Domino Effect Casbah
Papadosio Charleston, SC Rye Bar Athens, Charlotte, NC
VibeSquad Club 828 Double Door Inn GA
Asheville, NC Charlotte, NC Concrete Jumpsuit Yard Dogs Road
The House Bret Mosley Fiddlers Show
The Packway Mary Chapin Columbia, SC Savannah, GA Neighborhood
12 October 1, 2010 Handle Band Carpenter Theatre
 movie times
Movie times listed Regal Columbiana More Info Friday-Thursday
are for the weekend Grande Stadium 14 1:35 4:20 7:15 9:40 Friday, Oct. 1- 3:00,
of October 1, please 1250 Bower Pkwy, Wall Street: Money 6:00 and 8:00
confirm with theater. Columbia, SC 29212 Never Sleeps new! Saturday, Oct. 2- 3:00,
(PG-13) 6:00 and 8:00
Written by Michelle Hennessy young celebrity’s star is continually rising, Regal Columbia The Social Network 1:00 4:00 6:55 9:50 Sunday, Oct. 3 - 3:00,
http://www.moviefilmreview.com/ and her acting in this film certainly will Cinema 7 new! (PG-13) You Again new! (PG) 6:00 and 8:00
3400 Forest Drive No Passes 1:20 4:15 7:00 9:45 Monday, Oct. 4 - 6:00
author/mhennessy keep up that momentum. However, Chopin
Suite 3000, Columbia, 11:50am 2:20 5:00 Alpha and Omega 3D and 8:00
Oliver Stone fans were thrilled to be and Finn could have done better in selecting SC 29204 7:50 10:35 (PG) Tuesday, Oct. 5 - 6:00
able to see the great director’s first sequel the young male lead. Shia LaBeouf has yet Digital 3D Showtimes and 8:00
to one of his own movies this weekend. to make an impression on audiences, and Case 39 new! (R) DP (Digital More Info Wednesday, Oct. 6 -
Over 20 years ago, the renowned film- although he does give his best performance 2:40 5:00 7:20 9:40 Projection) Showtimes 2:10 4:25 6:40 9:00 3:00 and 6:00
maker began his sky-rocket to fame with to date, he is still only mediocre. As for the Let Me In new! (R) (Passes Allowed)More Resident Evil: Afterlife Thursday, Oct. 7 -
the hit movie “Wall Street” starring Michael supporting cast, they all did a phenomenal 2:30 5:05 7:30 10:00 Info (R) 8:30pm
Douglas and Charlie Sheen. With the econ- job. Josh Brolin was his usual stellar self, Wall Street: Money 1:50 4:30 7:10 9:50 1:25 3:50 7:30 10:05
Never Sleeps new! Devil (PG-13) Resident Evil: Afterlife
omy collapsing, Stone decided to revisit his as was Frank Langella. Moviegoers got the (PG-13) 12:30 1:00 2:45 3:15 3D (R) THE BIG MO
hit-making film, and audiences flocked to rare opportunity to see Eli Wallach on the 1:45 4:40 7:40 10:30 4:55 5:30 7:15 7:45 Digital 3D Showtimes MONETTA DRIVE-
the theater to watch. big screen, which was another little treasure You Again new! (PG) 9:20 10:00 More Info IN
Anyone knowing anything about in this picture. 2:00 4:30 7:00 9:30 Easy A (PG-13) 1:10 3:35 7:05 9:30 5822 Columbia
Oliver Stone is aware of his right-winged Oliver Stone’s directing style is unique, Alpha and Omega 12:15 2:30 4:45 7:00 Lottery Ticket (PG-13) Highway North,
political idealism and knows that Stone is and while audience members may not (PG) 9:15 1:05 3:40 6:30 9:10 Monetta SC 29105
unafraid to make a political statement in always agree with his political leanings, 2:10 4:20 7:10 9:20 Nanny McPhee Gates open at 6:30pm
The Town (R) DP (Digital Returns (PG) and show starts at
his work. Because the economy has been they can all agree that his style is flawless
1:50 4:45 7:35 10:20 Projection) Showtimes 1:15 4:10 6:45 9:20 8:00.
making headlines for two years now, mov- and elegant in every movie he makes. Wall Takers (PG-13) More Info The Switch (PG-13) Oct 2,3 and 4.
iegoers expected to see Stone’s perspective Street 2: Money Never Sleeps is no excep- 2:20 4:50 7:25 9:55 12:45 3:00 5:15 7:30 1:30 4:05 6:35 9:15
on screen. And that is just what they got. tion. His subtle sense of humor is infiltrated 9:45 Vampires Suck (PG- Screen 1
Upon being released from an eight in many great moments of the film, and Carmike Wynnsong The Town (R) 13) Easy A
year prison stint for insider trading, Gordon every second is crafted both masterfully and 10 1:10 4:20 7:35 10:20 2:30 4:40 6:50 9:25 The American
Gekko finds himself alone in a changed intelligently. The script was also superb, 5320 Forest Drive, Going the Distance The Other Guys (PG-
world. He decides to work his way back to with shrewd wit and elegance throughout. Columbia, SC 29206 (R) 13) Screen 2
12:05 2:40 5:10 8:00 1:10 3:45 6:25 9:05 Predators
the top by selling a book based on his own Alan Loeb and Stephen Schiff are both Chain Letter new! (R) 10:35 Wall Street 2
experiences as a stockbroker in a booming relative newcomers to screenplay writing, 1:45 4:30 6:50 9:20 The American (R) Regal Sandhill
economy, titled “Greed is Good,” a philoso- but each already has a handful of fantastic The Social Network 12:20 3:05 5:35 8:05 Stadium 16 450 Town St. Andrews Cinema
phy he has followed throughout his career. work under his belt: Loeb being credited new! (PG-13) 10:30 Center Place 5 527 St Andrews
Miles away, up-and-comer stockbroker Jake with the scripts for both “21″ and “The 1:30 4:15 7:00 9:45 The Last Exorcism Road Columbia, SC
Moore watches an interview with Gekko on Things We Lost in the Fire,” and Schiff hav- Legend of the (PG-13) The Social Network 29210 (803) 772-7469
television and abruptly has the television ing written “Lolita” and “The Deep End of Guardians: The Owls 12:55 3:10 5:25 7:55 new! (PG-13) Please call
of Ga’Hoole new! 10:05 1:15 4:00 7:00 9:50
turned off by his girlfriend, Winnie Gekko. the Ocean.” The two men working together
(PG) Takers (PG-13) Regal Pastime
Jake climbs the Wall Street ladder in a ris- create fantastic work, and moviegoers will 1:30 4:10 7:05 9:30 12:10 2:35 5:05 7:40 Nickelodeon Pavilion 8 929 North
ing economy, until one fateful day when certainly get the opportunity to enjoy more Legend of the 10:10 h t t p : / / w w w . Lake Drive, Lexington,
everything changed. The country’s entire of their work in the future. Other notable Guardians:The Owls Eat Pray Love (PG- nickelodeon.org/ 937 SC 29072
financial system takes a huge hit and begins elements of the film were the art direction of Ga’Hoole 3D new! 13) Main Street
to plummet uncontrollably. So, against any and editing. With such credits under his (PG) 1:15 4:15 7:20 10:25 Case 39 new! (R)
of his girlfriend’s wishes, Jake goes to a belt as “The Ice Storm” and “The Thomas Digital 3D Showtimes Get Low (PG-13) French filmmaker 2:40 5:05 7:30 10:10
seminar to see Gordon Gekko speak. At Crown Affair,” art director Paul D. Kelly More Info 11:50am 2:15 4:50 Jean-Pierre Jeunet The Social Network
1:40 4:20 7:15 9:40 7:25 9:55 takes a satirical new! (PG-13)
this momentous meeting, the two men begin is no amateur, and his expertise is clear Devil (PG-13) Inception (PG-13) look at the global 2:20 5:00 7:40 10:20
a “trading” relationship for favors that each throughout the movie. All of his elements 1:50 4:00 7:20 9:35 12:00 3:20 7:05 10:15 arms trade with this Legend of the
desires. Gekko begins to help his new match Stone’s subtle directing style and cre- Easy A (PG-13) f o r e i g n - l a n g u a g e Guardians: The Owls
apprentice work the down-turned economy ates an exquisite visual experience. David 1:45 4:20 7:05 9:30 Carmike 14 comedy starring Dany of Ga’Hoole new!
and continue to be successful, utilizing Brenner and Julie Monroe are both film The American (R) 122 Afton Court, Boon as Bazil, who (PG)
his financial genius, in turn for chances to editors that Oliver Stone uses frequently, 1:30 4:25 7:15 9:45 Columbia, SC 29212 rallies his friends to 2:15 4:40 7:00 9:40
mend his relationship with his estranged and their collaborative work is impeccable, Piranha 3D (R) take down weapons Wall Street: Money
Digital 3D ShowtimesCase 39 new! (R) m a n u f a c t u r e r s Never Sleeps new!
daughter. But, as is typical with Gordon as every scene seamlessly follows the next.
More Info 1:40 4:25 7:10 9:55 responsible for his (PG-13)
Gekko, not everything is as it seems. Wall Street 2 is a fantastic film, and 1:35 4:40 7:10 9:20 Let Me In new! (R) father’s death. Bazil 2:00 4:50 7:45 10:30
Michael Douglas reclaims one of his there are so many wonderful subtleties The Expendables (R) 1:55 4:40 7:20 10:00 also discovers a dump You Again new! (PG)
pivotal roles and reminds audiences every- throughout. Viewers not only get to embark 1:40 4:30 7:05 9:40 Legend of the into an underground 2:10 4:30 7:20 9:50
where what a film icon he truly is. Master on a thrilling cinematic adventure with Despicable Me (PG) Guardians: The Owls haven for cool tools Alpha and Omega
of the screen that he is, Douglas shines in more surprises that they even bargained for, 1:30 4:05 6:50 9:15 of Ga’Hoole new! and sculptures crafted (PG)
every moment of the film. Nothing else can but they also get to delve deeper into the (PG) from discarded junk. 2:30 4:55 7:10 9:30
be said about him except that he is pure per- world of Wall Street and the corruption that AMC Dutch Square 1:50 4:30 7:25 9:50 Dominique Pinon, Easy A (PG-13)
14 Legend of the André Dussollier and 2:50 5:10 7:50 10:00
fection in this movie. Stone obviously was has led to the countrie’s economic down- 800 Bush River Rd., Guardians:The Owls Jean-Pierre Marielle The Town (R)
looking for up-and-coming actors to portray fall. Equally thought-provoking and hard- Columbia, SC 29210 of Ga’Hoole 3D new! co-star. 2:05 4:45 7:25 10:05
the young couple, and Kathleen Chopin and hitting, as well as intelligent and flawless, (PG) MICMACS
Sarah Finn made the perfect choice in cast- Wall Street 2 is a must-see movie. Digital 3D Showtimes OCTOBER 1-7,
ing Carey Mulligan as Winnie Gekko. The October 1, 2010 13
 SavageLove Sex Advice
by Dan Savage
JONESIN’ CROSSWORDS
“Surprise Endings”--TV like you’ve never seen.
by Matt Jones 47 Maker of “2 in 1” pet 25 “Surgeon General Mills
products Recommends Three to Five
I’m sorry about There’s a lot of cross-orientation play in the Across 49 Underwhelmed grunt Servings of ___ Per Day” (“The
sending this letter to you BDSM scene these days, LDT, which has become 1 Chinese-born actress ___ Ling 50 Show about what really goes Onion” headline)
via snail mail. I don’t less sexually segregated with every passing year. 4 Pub projectile on in a flower bed? 26 Country rocker Steve
want to send an e-mail Skills are skills: An inexperienced straight bondage 8 Rough files 54 “Old MacDonald” noise 27 Blair of “The Exorcist”
because I’d rather not top can learn a lot from a gay bondage expert. The 13 “Ew, I’m not touchin’ that!” 57 Company behind Hello Kitty 28 Comply with
have a record of this experience may be less erotic, or less intense, than 14 Playing in someone else’s 58 Show about how difficult 30 Raunch thrown into
living forever on some being tied up by someone you’re physically and stadium it is to work with actress comedies for an R rating,
server somewhere. emotionally attracted to, of course, but it is still
15 Punk rocker with the backup Blanchett? slangily
About six months band The Pharmacists 61 Like some short plays 31 You are, in the Yucatan
erotic—street clothes and/or magic underpants 16 Show with mystery numbers 62 Cards money 32 Messy people
ago, after watching my girlfriend insert a tampon, I notwithstanding.
asked if I could do it for her next time. She thought like “Lost,” only they’re all 63 Golf peg 34 ___ majesty
As for the Mormon Church’s “Clean & Safe divisible by 2? 64 Proud black woman, per 38 Way out of style
it was an odd request but agreed. After “helping” a
Media Pledge,” LDT, that seems to work about 18 Ice cream shop freebies Urban Dictionary 40 Coffee alternative to robusta
few times, the conversation turned to what it felt like
to wear one. Her response was, “Want to try one as well as those purity pledges taken by countless 19 Tony Danza sitcom 65 Family jewels, alternatively 41 Wine bluntly turned down in
yourself?” With her help—and a little lube—soon unwed teen moms. Utah has the highest per capita 20 Reality show with a surgeon 66 Moose’s cousin “Sideways”
there was a string hanging out of my butt. This has online-porn consumption rates in the country. operating blindfolded? Down 42 Suffix for web
now become a regular feature of our sex life. And I 22 Where Larry King will be 1 Attacked like a mosquito 43 Where shoots grow from, in
have started doing this when I masturbate alone. I I recently had a delightful evening out on replaced by Piers Morgan 2 Eight, in Essen botany
went out and got my own box of tampons—Tampax the town with a friend of mine. Things got a little 24 Like the Vikings 3 Store from Sweden 45 Year of ___ (Chinese
Pearl Plastic Regular are the best (they’re the out of hand and both of us drank a small amount 25 “The Wire” actress Pearson 4 Name in a Dan Brown title calendar period)
easiest to insert)—which I keep hidden. of a female bartender’s urine. I would say it was 29 He killed Hamlet 5 Feeling of amazement 48 “You Don’t Mess With the
I have a few questions: about one ounce each. We were pretty drunk, and 33 Show about farming for beer 6 Son of Ron Paul ___” (Adam Sandler movie)
1. Why do I get such a euphoric feeling when I I’m not quite sure what led up to it. I think we were ingredients? 7 Tattooed boxer Mike 50 General ___ chicken
pull the tampon out when I’m coming? Does it have trying to show how “badass” we were. It sounds 35 Words for the deaf: abbr. 8 States of rest 51 Rajah’s wife
something to do with my prostate? really goddamn stupid when I type it. The urine was 36 Writer Sarah ___ Jewett 9 Huge fan 52 Individuals, in France
2. Am I doing any damage to myself? clear and it had little taste, but now I am concerned 37 Cartoon chihuahua 10 Sluggish 53 Actress Suvari
3. Just how deviant is this practice? about the health risks. What sort of diseases could 38 “Do ___ others...” 11 Phnom ___, Cambodia 55 Robinson of the NBA
The Ass Man’s Peculiar Anal Xccentricity I contract? I really don’t want to get hepatitis or 39 Geezerish 12 Cubs great Sammy 56 Company in old TV ads for
something. 40 Show that’s only a tiny bit 15 Women’s shoe feature compilation albums
1. The tampon in your ass swells as it absorbs Worried About Server’s Piss U.S.-centric? 17 Kind of tax 59 Inc., overseas
lube and rectal mucus and whatever else, TAMPAX, 44 Oil used in shampoos 21 Cleansing procedure 60 “A mouse!”
and stimulates—yes, indeed—your prostate as it 46 Body for buzzards 23 Diarist Anais ©2010 Jonesin’ Crosswords
You can scratch “drink a random bartender’s
swells. Yanking the tampon out when you’re coming piss” off your bucket list, WASP, but everyone else
further stimulates your prostate at the exact moment out there reading has to add it to theirs.
it’s being zapped by orgasmic contractions—
Drinking urine presents no risk of HIV
contractions that involve your anal sphincter, which
infection and low to no risk for just about everything
you’re also stimulating as you yank. A butt plug
would provide you with the exact same sensations— save cooties. Hepatitis C is mainly blood-borne,
well, the exact same physical sensations. Part of and if there wasn’t any blood in your bartender’s
the tampon-related thrill for you, I suspect, is the urine—and if you didn’t have any cuts or open
gender-transgression aspect of this. You’re not just sores in your mouth—then you probably don’t have
penetrating yourself, TAMPAX, you’re penetrating anything to worry about.
yourself with an absorbent feminine talisman. Not But you know what? You’re going to worry
all men who enjoy anal penetration are interested in regardless, WASP, until you know for sure that you
being symbolically feminized—ahem—but clearly didn’t catch anything. So go see a doctor and get
you are, TAMPAX. your bad ass tested.
2. My hunch: As long as you’re using lube and
not leaving ‘em in for days at a time, you should Your maple-syrup fetishist from last week—the
be fine. And a medical expert I consulted—who guy who had to smell maple syrup to get off—should
wished to remain anonymous (he didn’t want his find someone who is working on her milk supply or
name linked forever to anal tampon play on some really likes fenugreek. While I was trying to nurse
server somewhere, either)—backed me up. “This my son, I took fenugreek—an herb that helps with
would pose zero risk,” says my medical expert. milk production—and, by God, I smelled like a
“Medically, there’s nothing else to say about it.” Waffle House in all the important places.
3. When it comes to human sexuality, Intriguingly Hot Odorous Pussy
TAMPAX, deviation from imaginary and tyrannical
“norms” is the norm. Thanks for the tip, IHOP. And you weren’t the
only reader with a tip for someone whose letter ran
I had a conversation over lunch with a gay
in last week’s column.
friend who is into BDSM as a dominant. He told
me he’s “coaching” a novice dom, a young straight Seeking Slave Food’s mistress wanted to deny
fellow who doesn’t have much experience but who him the pleasures of food, and he was looking for
is into very heavy bondage and “some stuff that a “slop” that was “highly nutritious but as bland-
is potentially dangerous.” My friend warned him tasting as possible.” I urged him to patronize
away from the dangerous stuff and is coaching him vegan restaurants where he lives—much to the
on safer and saner pursuits. The interesting thing, consternation of the vegans. (Apparently, vegans
however, is that, whatever they do, they must both are prejudiced against BDSMers and don’t want to
be fully clothed at all times. The reason? The young dine with them—who knew?) But readers suggested
fellow is LDS, i.e., Mormon. For most people, that SSF try Nutraloaf, “a food served in United
BDSM is inescapably tied up (no pun intended) with States prisons to inmates who have demonstrated
sexuality, but leave it to a Mormon to attempt to de- significant behavioral issues,” according to its Wiki
eroticize erotic bondage! page. And my readers had lots of suggestions for
Pornography, on the other hand (also no pun the man who wanted to find straight porn for his
intended), is a serious plague destroying the moral iPhone: www.mobile boner.com, www.pornhub.
fiber of this country. But not to worry: Deseret com, www.tube8.com, www.thehun.com, www.
Book, the Mormon Church’s publishing arm, has americansfortruth.com, and www.spankwire.com.
developed the “Clean & Safe Media Pledge.” You’re Savage Love: It’s about people helping
supposed to download it, print it out, sign it, and put people... smell like maple syrup, avoid vegan
it near your computer. Then you don’t have to worry restaurants, and porn out their iPhones.
about porn ever again!
Latter Day Taint mail@savagelove.net
14 October 1, 2010
October 1, 2010 15
 Thursday 30 Friday 1 Saturday 2 Sunday 3 monday 4 Tuesday 5 Wednesday 6
$8 7 pm $5/8 5:45pm $10 8:30pm $5/$8 6pm free 9pm tba $8 7pm
SepTemBeR

BATTLE OF Kemp Ridley Freshman 15 Useless Trivia Fragile Heart BATTLE OF

OCTOBeR

THE BANDS Emily McCollum BIO RITMO My Losing Season 9pm Hosted THE BANDS
Ned Durrett
Paul Brazell So Contagious By Hardy Hillary Keane TBA
Kings Last Shot Versus The Robot & Dewayne
Foley free 21+ 10pm DJ Hawaiian Shirt Day TBA
Chemical Peel DIY-Pod Dance Party GARDNSOUND Simple As Surgery
Bring your iPods, MP3
Akronim Players, & Laptops to mIDNIGHT
Invader sign up to DJ a 4 song set. mUDeRAmA
Thursday 7 Friday 8 Saturday 9 Sunday 10 monday 11 Tuedsay 12 Wednesday 13
$8 7pm $10/$12 7 pm $8 8pm $5/$8 6:30pm free 21+ 8pm $8 7pm
BATTLE OF BATTLE OF
Black Veil Pomegranates Invoking
OCTOBeR

THE BANDS The Abstract Open Mic Night w/: THE BANDS
Brides The Fluorescents Vespers BRIGHTFORD TBA
TBA
TBA William Control Sign up in advance or at the
TBA Ironwill club that evening. Under 21

Roselyn
Must sign up before 10pm.
motionless In
White Saying Goodbye To
Scarlett
Thursday 14 Thursday
Friday 158 Saturday 16 Sunday 17 monday 18 Wednesday 20
$8 7pm $8 8pm $7 8pm $10/$12 8pm $8 7pm

Throttlerod XIU
OCTOBeR

BATTLE OF All-New BATTLE OF

Badges THE BANDS

XIU
THE BANDS (Original lineup/
Eastbound & Down TBA
Two Cow Garage Our Last
The Jupiter Tide Dave Hause Album-only)
Hope
The Void
Granthams Asylum (from The Loved TBA
Gods Of Mars Fire Island AK
TBA Ones)
Swig mIDNIGHT Calculator
personal pie
Timshel $2.50 all the time
mUDeRAmA
Freshman 15 ACOUSTIC Black Veil Monday October 18th
8:00 pm
OPEN MIC Brides

XIU XIU
$10 in Advance
Sunday $12 Day of Show
October 3rd William Control
6pm NIGHT motionless In

m
en t

$5 21 +
i n
White
$8 under 21 w/ BRIGHTFORD
Entert a
BATTLE OF
THE BANDS
FRee
MONDAY
or Death
TOUR
Saturday
October
30th
Valient Thorr
WeD 6 - THURS 7 OCTOBER 8:00 pm
$8 in Ad-
Friday Ocotober 8th
WeD 13- THURS 14 11 & 25 7:00 pm vance
$10 in Advance $10 Day
WeD 20- THURS 21 8pm $12 Day of Show
$13/$15 6pm
of Show

122 State St. W Columbia SC 29169

www.newbrooklandtavern.com 803.791.4413