TASK 3 : ACADEMIC WRITING : INDIVIDUAL TASK (30%)

I Don’t Belong Here

By : Siti Nur Alia Binti Abdullah

“No! No! I’m not going in there!” I said angrily as my mum tried to persuade me. I cannot do
it. I cannot force myself to do the thing I hate. I just cannot. I cannot even move a step to that
place, a very terrifying place. That is last place I want to be. I am terrified whenever I pass by
or hear about. I will try to avoid myself from encountering the place. School. It is school, that
I hate. This hatred stays with me for years. Without my realisation, this hatred develops to
phobia.

A phobia is an irrational fear, a kind of anxiety disorder in which the individual has a
relentless dread of a situation, living creature, place or thing. Peoples’ will not affected if the
phobic person rarely comes into contact with such as snakes. However, some complex
phobias are impossible to avoid and their daily lives will be affected, such as agrophobia
(fear of leaving home or public places). There are three main categories of phobias namely
specific phobia, social phobia and agoraphobia. Specific phobias (simple phobias) involves a
disproportionate fear about specific situations, living creatures, places, activities, or things
such as dogs (cynophobia), flying (aviophobia) and frogs (ranidaphobia). In the other hand,
social phobia and agoraphobia are known as complex phobias. They are connected to deep-
rooted anxiety or fear of certain situations. In my case, I am having didaskaleinophobhia,
fear of school. I hate school.

What is didaskaleinophobia? It is the persistent and irrational fear of going to school.

This phobia is better known as separation anxiety. In case of Didaskaleinophobes, the mere
thought of going to school can trigger a full blown panic attack. Most psychologists believe
that such phobia is typically more common in preschool aged children of 4-6 years. This is
often due to the fact that they are leaving the safety of their homes for the first time. Often,
diagnosis of this phobia is difficult as the young child is unable to express his fears
accurately.

A child with this phobia will try every possible way to avoid going to school. I know
this all too well from personal experience. I gave my mom hell. I was always sick, I was hurt
or I did not get enough sleep. I tried it all, usually it did not work, and she would drag me to
school nagging and screaming. I cried all night long in the night before. It is worse when
school holidays are over as I cannot stay at home anymore. The days of excitement and
adventures are over. I cannot no longer play at the playground and I have to face stressful
hours of schools. I am always stressed whenever I am at school. I felt pressured and
depressed. I cannot be myself. I am not free as at home. I am timid at school. No one realise
my presence.

I was a happy child on the first day of school. I was very excited to go to the school.
There is a thrilling feeling in myself as I am expecting a whole new journey are waiting for
me. I cannot wait to experience it. I cannot hold myself of getting too excited till I cannot
sleep the night before I enrol into a primary school near my house. However, things do not
turn up as the way I expected. I was verbally-abused by my friends. I was teased by my
friends because of my physical. I was a plump, short, chubby girl, weighted 37kg. I was
considered as an obese for a 7-year-old girl. My friends hated the way I looked, dressed,
behaved and talked. They called me names and insulted me in public. Then, I was not
accepted into the clique. I was isolated and left alone. Then, I do not have self confidence
and self esteem. I felt inferior and self-conscious. The school was a hell for me. I felt I do not
belong in school.

Furthermore, academic pressure made my phobia worse. Homeworks, tests and

examination give me stress. While most students feel some trepidation about attending
school when exams and projects are scheduled, I felt intense, persistent anxiety when faced
with the idea of attending classes each day. It comes as a result of academic stress. Now,
more than ever, I felt competition and pressure when attending school. In order to gain
entrance to colleges or universities, good exam scores and overall performance are
important. I became phobic when the pressure gets to be too much. I experienced my
phobia until my high school life. Academic stress got worse when I was Form Four. I was in
the science stream and took Biology, Chemistry, Physics and Additional Mathematics. It was
stressful to in that stream as the subjects were new to me and I had difficulties in coping with
the lessons. I always failed in Additional Mathematics test. I had tried my best to pass but
sadly, I could not achieve it. I felt so stupid when my classmates got excellent results and I
envy them. I felt terrified and anxious during exams. I forced myself to study and I neglected
my health.

One day, during my final year for Form 4, it was Additional Mathematics paper. I was
terrified to go to school. I wished I could escape the exam and runaway from school. I do not
the confidence to solve those questions. But I was forced to school and I took the exam. I
answered it nervously. I could not focus during that time. Once the exam was over, suddenly
I felt pain in the chest, had trouble breathing and my heart started pounding faster and
faster. I panicked, which only made it worse. It felt like I was suffocating and I was sure my
time had come. One of teacher called an ambulance and I was taken to the hospital, but
they couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me so I was sent home again.

After 3 months of several visits to the hospital and the doctor, they finally found the
cause of the problem. This was too late though, as I had already developed a serious
anxiety disorder that greatly affected my life. My parents’ were shocked to know that. Both
of my parents or one of them will accompany me whenever I go as I did not feel safe
anywhere and could not be alone without worrying about having another panic attack. I were
sent to treatments to help me to overcome didaskaleinophobia. I took medications and anti-
depressants to ease anxiety. My family showered me with love and their true love made me
feel I am not alone in this journey. I felt so appreciated and cared. To overcome my phobia, I
talked to my mum about it. I shared the hurtful experience and I felt relieved after doing that.
My parents took me to a counsellor to help overcoming my phobia but I do not share my
feelings to her as I do not trust her. I felt I cannot trust anyone else than my parents. So, my
parents took me home treated me.

Fortunately, after staying at home for a month, I felt better. My phobia of school was
not as bad as before. I began to accept the reality and the situation around me. I realised
that the world is cruel and only tough ones will survive. There are a lot of challenges and
obstacles ahead. So, I build up my self confidence and self esteem to face the them.
Therefore, I studied hard for my Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM) examination and tried my
best. And I got 6A’s for it. It was a big achievement to myself as I had proven myself to
everyone.
 REFERENCES

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school-phobia-didaskaleinophobia/

Hope, I. (2013). School phobia-didaskaleinophobia. Retrived from

http://rnspeak.com/psychiatric-mental-health-nursing/school-phobia-didaskaleinophobia/

Jean, N. C. (2011). Weight Alone Can Cause Obese Individuals To Suffer From Social Anxiety
Disorder. Retrieved from http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/222375.php

CBSNews. (2010). Understanding, overcoming school phobia. Retrieved from

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/understanding-overcoming-school-phobia/