Lesson 1 - A Soldier's Lie

The Story

Once a soldier asked his commanding officer for a day's leave to attend his sister's
wedding.
The officer asked him to wait outside the door for a few minutes while he considered the
request.
The officer then called the soldier back in and said, "You are a liar. I've just phoned your
sister and she told me she's already married."
"Well, sir, you're an even bigger liar," the soldier replied, "because I don't even have a
sister."

Vocabulary Practice

Mark the best choice.

1. 'Leave' here means ......

a. going out from a place
b. one part of a tree
c. permission to be absent from work
d. asking a person for some money
2. To 'attend' here means to ...
a. take care of
b. pay for
c. be present at
d. look at

Questions for Discussion

1. Why did the soldier tell the officer a lie?

2. Why did the officer tell the soldier a lie?
3. Can you remember telling such lies?
Lesson 2 - In Pajamas
The Story

Staying at a hotel in Yarmauth, I couldn't sleep because the television in the residents'
lounge was so loud. As I could see from the top of the stairs, the lounge was in total
darkness, so I crept downstairs in my pajamas. I went to the TV and after some
fumbling with the knobs I managed to switch it off.
As I turned to leave, I suddenly became aware of a semi-circle of people sitting in the
dark who, up until that moment, had been enjoying a television program.

Vocabulary Practice

Mark the best choice.

1. 'Lounge' is ..........
a. kind of taxi in the airport etc.
b. small room for workers
c. public sitting room in a hotel
d. special case for television
2. To 'creep' means to .........
a. run quickly
b. jump off
c. shout out
d. move quietly
3. To '.......' means to move the hands awkwardly to do something or to find
something.
a. fumble
b. manage
c. switch
d. reside
4. A 'knob' is a.....
a. hotel room
b. small TV
c. round handle
d. special table

Questions for Discussion

1. What is the main funny point in the story?

2. Why did the man go downstairs in pajamas?
3. What do you think will happen next?
Lesson 3 - Beggar Replacement
The Story

The doorbell rang, and the housewife answered it. She found two beggars outside. "So,
you're begging in twos now?!" she exclaimed.
" No, only for today," one of them replied. "I'm showing my replacement the ropes
before going on holiday."

Vocabulary Practice

Mark the best choice.

1. A 'beggar' is a person who.......

a. sells food and clothes
b. has no money
c. asks for money
d. does the housework
2. To 'exclaim' means to..........
a. say something kindly
b. say suddenly and loudly
c. walk quickly
d. look angrily
3. A ..... is a person that you put in place of yourself or another.
a. beggar
b. rope
c. housewife
d. replacement
4. 'Ropes' here means .......
a. the rules and customs in a place or activity
b. pieces of strong thick cord
c. people you probably meet in a special place
d. houses which are expensive

Questions for Discussion

1. This joke is telling us something about beggars' life. What is it?

2. Do you know a joke or a true story about beggars?
Lesson 4 - Wedding Gifts
The Story

Jack and his bride were opening their wedding gifts. After unwrapping each package,
Lisa would exclaim enthusiastically, "We really need these towels" or "We'll enjoy eating
off these pretty plates." Then she opened one very large box. It contained a vacuum
cleaner.
"Jack," Lisa said, "look what you've got."

Vocabulary Practice

Mark the best choice

1. To 'unwrap' means to .....

a. fasten
b. break
c. open
d. write
2. 'Package' means .......
a. plate
b. parcel
c. room
d. book
3. 'Enthusiastic' means ......
a. quite angry
b. indifferent
c. with great interest
d. showing disliking
4. Another word for 'vacuum cleaner' is ..........
a. electric fan
b. cleaning machine
c. Hoover
d. electric machine

Questions for Discussion

1. What is funny about this story?

2. Who do you think should use the vacuum cleaner? Why?
Lesson 5 - Wedding Gown
The Story

When my sister got married, she wore my mother's wedding dress. The day she
tried it on, the gown fitted her exactly and mother started to cry. "You're not losing a
daughter," I reminded her, putting my arm around her, "you're gaining a son."
"Oh, forget about that!" she said with a sob, "I used to fit into that dress."

Vocabulary Practice

1. Mark the best choice.

2. A 'gown' is a ........
a. building where people marry
b. dress worn at a special time
c. person who is married
d. meal served at wedding
3. To 'fit' means to ..........
a. find something out
b. live happily
c. see something sad
d. be the right size
4. A ... is a noisy and irregular breath from crying.
a. gown
b. gain
c. sob
d. fit

Questions for Discussion

1. What is funny about this story?

2. Who do you think is telling the story?

Activities

1. Now you tell your friend(s) the story in your own words.
2. Pronounce the following words several times:
1. Gown
2. Marry
3. Gain
4. Wore
Lesson 6 - Rational Dispute
The Story

A young housewife told me: "My husband and I never argue, no matter how angry we
may be. Instead we sit down and rationally discuss both sides of the dispute. Then I
make a list of all the crockery I intend to smash."

Vocabulary Practice

Mark the best choice.

1. 'Rationally' means .......

a. silently
b. angrily
c. not foolishly
d. very quickly
2. 'Dispute' means.....
a. fight
b. wife
c. list
d. talk
3. 'Crockery' means .......
a. paper money
b. ice-cream
c. cups, plates, etc.
d. washing machine
4. To 'smash' means to ....
a. write something down
b. clean something in hot water
c. drop something and break it
d. put something back

Questions for Discussion

1. What do you think of the couple?

2. Why should the lady smash crockery?
3. Do you know a better way to settle a dispute?
Lesson 7 - The Best Accountant
The Story

An accountant answered an advertisement for a job with a large firm. At the end of the
interview the chairman said, "One last question-- what is three times seven?" The
accountant thought for a minute and replied, "Twenty-two".
Outside he took his calculator and realized that he should have said twenty-one. He
concluded that he had lost the job. A fortnight later, however, he was offered the post.
After a few weeks, he asked the chairman why he had been when he had given the
wrong answer.
"You were the closest," the chairman replied.

Vocabulary Practice

Mark the best choice.

1. An 'accountant' is a ......
a. person who wants a job
b. machine which adds, deletes, etc.
c. person who keeps money records
d. company manager
2. 'Firm' here means ....
a. strong person
b. business company
c. shop manager
d. important decision
3. A 'chairman' is a person who .....
a. sells or buys chairs
b. controls a meeting
c. answers phone calls
d. says the latest news
4. A fortnight is ......
a. one month
b. one year
c. twenty days
d. two weeks
5. 'Appoint' here means to ......
a. interview someone
b. choose a person for a job
c. call a person to come
d. let a person visit a place

Questions for Discussion

1. What did the chairman mean by the last sentence?
2. How true can such a story be?
3. Why do you think should an accountant make such a mistake?
Lesson 8 - Delicious Pie
The Story

We were two Australian student nurses training at an English hospital. During visiting
hours, we would take a break in the ward kitchen and often a kindly visitor would slip us
a cake or some chocolate.
One night a woman brought a pork pie to the kitchen and asked me, "Would you 'eat
this up, love?"
My friend and I ate every crumb and were delighted--until the woman returned and
asked, "Is my 'usband's pie 'ot yet, dear?"

Vocabulary Practice

Mark the best choice.

1. 'Ward' here means .......

a. a kind of cooker
b. head nurse
c. a part in a hospital
d. temperature
2. To 'Slip' here means to ......
a. divide sth
b. give secretly
c. move slowly
d. d get worse
3. 'Pork' means meat from ......
a. cow
b. sheep
c. hen
d. pig
4. 'Crumb' means a ......
a. kind of fresh fruit
b. very big piece of pie
c. very small bit of bread, cake, etc.
d. person who works in a hospital
5. 'Delighted' means .......
a. very angry
b. quite tired
c. pretty dark
d. very pleased

Questions for Discussion

 1. The woman in the story cannot pronounce a sound. What is it? What can be the
reason?
2. What do you think will happen next?

Activities

1. Now you tell your friend(s) the story in your own words.
2. Pronounce the following words several times:
1. ward
2. crumb
3. delighted
4. until
5. slip
Lesson 9 - My Modern Car
The Story

After lunch my friend and I paid the bill and made our way to my car. I took out my
remote-control gadget and pressed the button which automatically unlocks the doors.
Not having noticed what I did, my friend looked puzzled and asked, "What was that
clicking sound?"
"It was just the doors unlocking," I answered.
He looked at me with astonishment and said, "The car recognizes you?!"

Vocabulary Practice

Mark the best choice.

1. 'Bill' here means a ........

a. part of a bird's mouth
b. printed notice on a wall or fence
c. list of things bought and their price
d. piece of paper money
2. A 'gadget' is a ........
a. kind of car
b. small machine
c. long key
d. piece of cloth
3. 'Puzzled' means ......
a. very happy
b. in an angry manner
c. unable to understand
d. not suitable
4. To 'click' means to .....
a. try to understand something
b. make a short, sharp sound
c. drop something heavy
d. walk toward something
5. 'Astonishment' means ......
a. happiness
b. friendly smile
c. grate surprise
d. indifference

Questions for Discussion

1. What is funny about this story?

2. How do like this kind of technology?
Activities

1. Now you tell your friend(s) the story in your own words.
2. Pronounce the following words several times:
1. Remote-control
2. Gadget
3. Automatically
4. Puzzled
5. Click
6. Astonishment
7. Recognize
Lesson 10 - Poor Cat!
The Story

As a student I ate my meals at a seaside boarding-house. The landlady was a good

cook and, as her husband was a fisherman, we always ate fish for dinner. Eventually I
got tired of it, and took to slipping it under the sofa, where the family cat would find and
devour it.
This worked very successfully until one day the landlady tiptoed up behind me and said,
"Young man it's high time I told you that our cat was run over by a lorry three weeks
ago."

Vocabulary Practice

Mark the best choice.

1. A 'boarding-house' is a ...........
a. building which is near the sea
b. kind of very expensive hotel
c. house giving room(s) and food
d. kind of school with a pool
2. A 'landlady' is a woman who ........
a. is old and weak
b. keeps a boarding-house
c. has a lot of money
d. only looks after her family
3. 'Eventually' means .....
a. naturally
b. in the end
c. meanwhile
d. happily
4. To 'take to' here means to....
a. carry something to somewhere
b. ask someone to do something
c. begin to do something as a habit
d. go away to some place to hide
5. To 'devour' here means to .....
a. look at something angrily
b. play with something
c. throw something away
d. eat something hungrily
6. To 'tiptoe' means to ......
a. walk quietly on the toes
b. say something softly
c. hit something by foot
d. run towards something
 7. To 'run over' means to.....
a. hit something while running
b. drive over something
c. take something away
d. steal something from a place

Questions for Discussion

1. What point is funny in the story?

2. What would you do if you were the student?
3. What can probably be found under the sofa now?

Activities

1. Now you tell your friend(s) the story in your own words.
2. Pronounce the following words several times:
1. Eventually
2. Devour
3. Sofa
4. Tiptoe
5. Lorry
Lesson 1 - Book Sale
The Story

"I may want to read it again one day" is the reason why my husband keeps every book
he reads. Over 25 years most of them, never opened again after the first reading, have
accumulated in our cellar. One day, however, thinking he'd never notice their absence, I
donated most of them to a charity book sale. As I stood admiring the empty cellar, I
heard Frank call to me, "I'm home early so I can get to the book sale before it closes."
While he was gone, I prepared for the worst. But when he arrived home empty-handed,
I asked him if there had been any books that interested him.
"Yes, there were lots of good ones," he replied, "but I've got them all,"

Vocabulary Practice

Mark the best choice.

1. To 'accumulate' here means to ___.

a. become more
b. sell something
c. read a book
d. become useless

2. 'Cellar' is ___.

 a room in a hotel
 an underground room
 a very large building
 a big shelf for books

3. To '___' means to make a gift of something, especially for a good purpose.

 admire
 call to
 donate
 notice

4. 'Charity' means ___.

 some books which are no longer needed

 help for people who are poor or in trouble
 an organization for selling books
 a group of people living together
Questions for Discussion

1. Does Frank have the good books now? Where are they?
2. Do you think it is a good idea to keep the books after reading them? Discuss.
3. What do you think Frank will do when he understands what has happened?
Lesson 2 - Anniversary-birthday Card
The Story

"Do you have any anniversary-birthday cards?" a man asked the stationer.
"We have anniversary cards and we have birthday cards, but we don't carry one that
combines both. Why?"
"Simple ," replied the man. "My wife is celebrating the fifteenth anniversary of her thirty-
fourth birthday."

Vocabulary Practice

Mark the best choice.

1. 'Anniversary' means ___.

 the day a person is born

 exactly the day a person gets married
 same date when something happened in the past
 party given for birthday

2. A 'stationer' is a person who ___.

 looks after stations

 sells pen, paper, etc.
 is in a station
 takes pictures

3. To 'carry' here means to ___.

 have something for sale

 to have something to eat
 give as a result
 move one's head

4. To '___' means to do something to show that a day or a happening is special.

 combine
 simplify
 celebrate
 station

Questions for Discussion

1. Why is the lady celebrating the anniversary of her birthday and not just her birthday?
2. What are anniversary cards for?
Lesson 3 - Weather Forecast
The Story

While we were sailing, my friend tuned in to listen to the weather forecast on a local
radio station. Over the airwaves, there was a pause and an audible shuffling of papers,
followed by a voice saying, "I'm sorry, I can't find the forecast, but let me look out of the
window--Oh! it's a lovely drying day."

Vocabulary Practice

Mark the best choice.

1. To '___' means to adjust a radio to receive a certain program.

 broadcast
 sail
 tune in
 shuffle

2. 'Airwaves' means ___.

 wind
 plane
 radio waves
 light waves

3. 'Forecast' is ___.

 a kind of radio
 statement of future events
 a person reading the news
 a kind of boat

4. To 'shuffle' here means to ___.

 walk heavily towards something

 move around to different positions
 write to somebody
 talk softly to someone

Questions for Discussion

1. What is wrong with such a forecast?
2. What's the weather like today?

Lesson 4 - Vacuum Cleaner

The Story

A man selling vacuum cleaners appeared at the door of an old lady's cottage and,
without allowing the woman to speak, rushed into the living room and threw a large bag
of dirt all over her clean carpet. He said, "If this new magical cleaner doesn't pick up
every bit of dirt, I'll eat it."
The woman, who by this time was losing her patience, said, "Sir, if I had enough money
to buy that, I would have paid my electricity bill before they cut it off. Now, what would
you prefer, a spoon or a knife and fork?"

Vocabulary Practice

Mark the best choice.

1. A 'cottage' is a ___.

 kind of shop
 small house in the country
 very big expensive house
 kind of car

2. To 'rush' means to ___.

 drive slowly
 talk rapidly
 move quickly
 walk heavily

3. To 'cut off' here means to ___.

 remove by cutting
 make by cutting
 disconnect
 pay the bill

Questions for Discussion

1. Why did the man throw the bag of dirt over the carpet?
2. Why should the man choose either a spoon or a knife and fork?
3. What do you think the man will do the next time he wants to sell something?

Lesson 5 - I'm Staying Here

The Story

The traveling salesman had booked himself in for the night in a small boarding-house,
but due to a lengthy business meeting he did not arrive until after midnight. He could
see no signs of life, but not wanting to spend the night on the doorstep he pressed the
bell. After an interval, an upstairs window opened and an angry woman peered out.
"What is it?" she asked.
" It's Mr. Jerkins," replied the helpless salesman, "I'm staying here."
"All right," came the response. "Stay there". And she slammed down the window!

Vocabulary Practice

Mark the best choice.

1. To 'book' here means to ___.

 read a book
 reserve a room
 take a long trip
 make a call

2. 'Due to' means ___.

 but not
 moreover
 because of
 as well as

3. To '___' means to look carefully, as if unable to see.

 slam
 press
 peer
 meet

4. To 'slam' means to ___.

 look angrily at something

 shut loudly and forcefully
  move slowly
 say something

Questions for Discussion

1. What is funny about this story?

2. What do you think will the salesman do next?
3. Do you remember a misunderstanding like this one?
Lesson 6 - Meat Order
The Story

I worked for a butcher for two years. Then he dismissed me for insolence and I decided
to take vengeance on him. The following Saturday morning, when the shop was packed
with people buying meat, I stepped in, went to the counter and slapped down a dead
cat. "There you are," I called out seriously, "that makes up the dozen you ordered."

Vocabulary Practice

Mark the best choice.

1. 'Insolence' means ___.

 being very rude

 stealing money
 fighting
 talking

2. 'Vengeance' means ___.

 asking someone for money

 harming a person who has harmed you
 trying to please someone
 going to a place without permission

3. 'Packed' here means ___.

 wrapped
 silent
 filled
 pleased

4. To 'slap', here means to ___.

 hit someone severely

 speak very angrily
 put something down hard
  cut something into pieces

Questions for Discussion

1. Why did the man take the dead cat to the butcher's?
2. What do you think will happen next?
3. What do you think of vengeance?
Lesson 7 - Killing Mothballs
The Story

The old lady walked into a chemist's shop and bought a packet of mothballs. The next
day she returned . and again bought a packet of mothballs. On the third day she did the
same and when she appeared the fourth day and asked again for a packet of mothballs,
the chemist could not restrain his curiosity.
'You must have a lot of moths, madam?' he queried.
'Yes, I have,' she nodded, 'and I don't know what I'm going to do. I've been throwing
these balls at them for three days now and I haven't hit one yet!'

Vocabulary Practice

Mark the best choice.

1. A '___' is a small ball made of a strong-smelling substance, used for keeping moths
away from stored clothes.

 chemist
 mothball
 moth
 curiosity

2. To 'restrain' means to ___.

 add to
 be impolite
 hold back
 speak

3. 'Curiosity' means ___.

 wanting to know about things

 showing things to other people
 ability to say something
 having much knowledge

4. To 'query' means to ___.

  find out something
 look after something
 write something down
 ask somebody a question

5. To 'nod' means to ___.

 talk loudly
 bend the head forward
 show disagreement with
 jump up

Questions for Discussion

1. What is funny about what the lady has been doing?

2. Why did the chemist become curious about the mothballs?
Lesson 8 - An Excellent Hammer
The Story

An apprentice blacksmith was told by his master to make a hammer. The lad had not
the slightest idea how to begin, so he thought he'd be crafty to nip out and buy one. He
duly showed the new hammer to his master.
'That's excellent, boy' the master said, 'Now make fifty more just like this one.'

Vocabulary Practice

Mark the best choice.

1. A(n) '___' is a young worker who is learning his job or trade.

 blacksmith
 apprentice
 master
 hammer

2. A 'blacksmith' is ___.

 a person making and repairing things made of iron

 a man whose skin color is very dark
 a company which makes wooden things
 a shop which sells things made by other people

3. 'Lad' means ___.

 wood
 old man
 boy
 metal

4- 'Crafty' means ___.

 suitable for a purpose

  impolite
 clever in tricking people
 expensive

5. To 'nip', here means to ___.

 take firmly
 move quickly
 drive fast
 think carefully

Questions for Discussion

1. Why did the boy buy a hammer?

2. This story teaches us something? What is it?
3. What do you think will happen next?
Lesson 9 - Take Him to the Zoo
The Story

A policeman strolling in the park one day was astonished to see a man walking towards
him with a fully-grown African lion on a lead. 'Hey!' said the policeman, 'you can't walk
around with a lion like that. Take him to the Zoo!'
'Oh, all right, officer, 'said the lion owner, and away he went. But the next day the
policeman was again confronted with the man and his fully-grown African lion walking
along the street. 'Hey, you!' yelled the policeman, 'I thought I told you yesterday to take
that lion to the Zoo?'
'I did,' came the reply, 'and today I'm taking him to the cinema.'

Vocabulary Practice

Mark the best choice.

1. To 'stroll' means to ___.

 drive fast
 walk slowly
 watch closely
 run quickly

2. To 'astonish' means to ___.

 talk angrily
 surprise greatly
 look after
 become happy

3. A 'lead' here means a ___.

 special car for carrying a dog

 kind of wild animal
 rope for controlling an animal
 kind of very big tree

4. To 'confront' means to ___.

  go ahead of
 attacked by
 carry something
 cause to meet

Questions for Discussion

1. What is funny about this story?

2. What do you think will happen in the cinema?
Lesson 10 - A Useful Tip
Some years ago, when the brother of an acquaintance of mine was a university student,
he bought his first car. Eager to show it off, he asked his parents to go for a ride. As
they were driving along, he glanced in his rear-view mirror and saw his father sitting in
the back seat with his mouth open. He took this as the sign of his father's surprise.
Shortly afterwards, he heard his father whisper to his mother, "If you keep your mouth
open, your teeth don't rattle."

Vocabulary Practice

Mark the best choice.

1. An 'acquaintance' is a person ___.

 who works for you

 studying at a college
 you know a little
 unknown to you

2. To 'show something off' means to ___.

 hide something you have bought

 lend something to someone
 keep watching at something beautiful
 let people see something new, nice, etc.

3. To 'whisper' means to ___.

 see something very strange

 say something very softly
 write something down
 pull something heavily

4. To 'rattle' means to ___.

 make a lot of quick little noises

 laugh loudly at something
 take something up and down
 drive a car at a very high speed
Questions for Discussion

1. Was the father really pleased with the ride? How do you know?
2. What do you think of showing off? a quotable quote