1

00:00:00,042 --> 00:00:06,340

Subs by Traff and Raceman
www.forom.com

2
00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:09,718
You're my girl, right?
And I take care of you, huh?

3
00:00:09,885 --> 00:00:10,636
Who knows?

4
00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:12,971
Maybe we'll see Natalie Morales, you know?

5
00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:16,183
That little firecracker,
she gets my blood running
south of the border.

6
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:17,976
That is less sweet.

7
00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:21,480
I'm gonna stop by tonight.
Maybe I'll pick up some Chinese.

8
00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:24,525
Aw, you said "Chinese"
instead of something offensive.

9
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:27,861
Yeah, I told you,
losing you last year,
changed me, huh?

10
00:00:28,025 --> 00:00:32,070
It made me more,
um...more mature.

11
00:00:33,030 --> 00:00:34,535
Huh? Come here.

12
00:00:34,705 --> 00:00:38,499
Ow, that really hurts, Dennis.

13
00:00:42,628 --> 00:00:43,918
You're back with Dennis?

14
00:00:44,089 --> 00:00:46,632
Yeah, I'm back with Dennis.

15
00:00:46,798 --> 00:00:48,462
Don't look at me
with your eyebrows all up.

16
00:00:48,635 --> 00:00:49,423
It's so annoying.

17
00:00:49,596 --> 00:00:53,052
Yes, I'm annoying, not the man
who honked your boobs on the jumbo screen.

18
00:00:53,228 --> 00:00:56,091
That was before.
And it was the playoffs.

19
00:00:56,266 --> 00:00:58,052
Does he still work
at that beeper store?

20
00:00:58,226 --> 00:00:59,352
What is it,
"Beeper King"?

21
00:00:59,515 --> 00:01:00,350
He is the King now.

22
00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:03,683
The old Beeper King retired...
Well, technically he shot himself.

23
00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:06,600
But Dennis took over
and now he's the only beeper salesman

24
00:01:06,776 --> 00:01:09,442
left in Manhattan,
which is cool in a way.

25
00:01:09,617 --> 00:01:10,901
You're doing the eyebrow thing again.

26
00:01:11,076 --> 00:01:12,863
Because it's Dennis.
Who are you trying to fool?

27
00:01:13,036 --> 00:01:14,323
- This is me.
- Exactly.

28
00:01:14,497 --> 00:01:16,112
You don't get to
give dating advice.

29
00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:18,243
You sent a letter to Scott Peterson.

30
00:01:18,418 --> 00:01:21,702
After he dyed his hair
and got super thin from all the stress.

31
00:01:21,878 --> 00:01:24,123
Are you kidding me?
He was smokin'.

32
00:01:24,298 --> 00:01:25,872
Dennis is a good guy, okay?

33
00:01:26,046 --> 00:01:26,832
Not really.

34
00:01:27,006 --> 00:01:28,083
So when did this happen?

35
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Well, last week was my birthday,
and everyone forgot except Dennis.

36
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And he called, and we went out,
and it wasn't too weird.

37
00:01:36,387 --> 00:01:37,220
And how is the sex?

38
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Fast and only on Saturdays.

39
00:01:39,096 --> 00:01:41,892
It's perfect.

40
00:02:03,877 --> 00:02:06,623
Did you see this?
It's horrible.

41
00:02:06,797 --> 00:02:08,871
They're printing
libel about me again.

42
00:02:09,047 --> 00:02:12,042
Libel, Liz Lemon!

43
00:02:13,347 --> 00:02:17,093
Oh..."Normal."
How dare they?

44
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That's what I'm saying.
That's character assassination.

45
00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:21,931
That's not normal!

46
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It only looks like
I'm walking out of a Starbucks

47
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when, actually, I'm doing the robot
goin' backwards into a Starbucks.

48
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And I don't even know
whose dog that is.

49
00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:32,772
Yes, I steal dogs.

50
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What is the problem?

51
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I can't be normal!

52
00:02:35,615 --> 00:02:37,401
If I'm normal,
I'm boring.

53
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If I'm boring,
I'm not a movie star.

54
00:02:39,667 --> 00:02:41,623
If I'm not a movie star,
then I'm poor.

55
00:02:41,785 --> 00:02:48,753
And poor people can't afford to pay back
the $75,000 in cash they owe Quincy Jones!

56
00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:59,051
Wow...Talking to that guy,
it's like looking in a mirror, huh?

57
00:02:59,225 --> 00:03:00,551
Well, my armpit rash is back.

58
00:03:00,727 --> 00:03:02,971
Oh, Jack. You're in wardrobe.

59
00:03:03,146 --> 00:03:05,510
The latest research is in.
Our audience doesn't like green.

60
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,351
Oh, that's too bad.
I like green.

61
00:03:07,527 --> 00:03:10,020
Research doesn't lie, Jenna.
It lets us know what we're thinking--

62
00:03:10,196 --> 00:03:12,401
What's too boring, what's too gay,
what's too old.

63
00:03:12,566 --> 00:03:13,562
What's too old?

64
00:03:13,736 --> 00:03:14,980
That's a very good question.
How old are you?

65
00:03:15,157 --> 00:03:15,731
I'm 29.

66
00:03:15,908 --> 00:03:17,320
- What year were you born?
- 1977.

67
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- When did you graduate high school?
- '94.

68
00:03:18,748 --> 00:03:20,033
- When do you turn 40?
- 2017.

69
00:03:20,207 --> 00:03:21,323
- Junior high crush?
- Kirk Cameron.

70
00:03:21,495 --> 00:03:23,073
- Prom theme?
- Motownphilly, Boyz II Men.

71
00:03:23,246 --> 00:03:25,030
- What movie did you lose your virginity at?
- Arachnophobia.

72
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,371
Theater or drive-in?

73
00:03:27,546 --> 00:03:30,120
What's a drive-in?

74
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Of course.

75
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I don't know why
I bothered to ask.

76
00:03:33,336 --> 00:03:37,752
I can tell just from your physical appearance
that you're obviously...

77
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29.

78
00:03:42,018 --> 00:03:43,342
...So these page numbers,

79
00:03:43,518 --> 00:03:46,141
when done correctly,
should be sequential.

80
00:03:46,318 --> 00:03:47,973
Oh. Oh, Josh!

81
00:03:48,146 --> 00:03:50,180
Liz Taylor's assistant called.

82
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They wanted the address here
to send you something.

83
00:03:52,277 --> 00:03:53,601
That's awesome.

84
00:03:53,776 --> 00:03:55,193
She must have seen
my impression of her.

85
00:03:55,366 --> 00:03:57,112
Sounds like someone
loves Liz Taylor.

86
00:03:57,276 --> 00:03:57,773
I do.

87
00:03:57,946 --> 00:04:00,400
No, we mean love love.

88
00:04:00,576 --> 00:04:04,531
Yeah, like if she walked in right now
and said she wanted to do it with you, you would.

89
00:04:04,705 --> 00:04:06,121
I definitely would.

90
00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:06,913
What?
91
00:04:07,088 --> 00:04:07,581
Liz.

92
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,791
(Josh) No, I'm totally serious.
I mean, wouldn't you guys?

93
00:04:09,955 --> 00:04:12,542
Jack asked me how old I am.

94
00:04:12,717 --> 00:04:13,423
What did you say?

95
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:16,292
29. [laughs]

96
00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:17,542
Ahem.

97
00:04:17,718 --> 00:04:18,880
Jenna, relax.

98
00:04:19,057 --> 00:04:23,183
I cannot and will not relax, Liz.
I am an actress.

99
00:04:23,348 --> 00:04:27,392
And when someone asks an actress
how old she is, it's more statement than question.

100
00:04:27,557 --> 00:04:31,181
When my mom's feeling old,
she goes to this guy on 71st Street.

101
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But she's old.
She's like 38.

102
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I'm gonna be sick.

103
00:04:41,576 --> 00:04:45,243
* Betcha he reads, betcha she sews *

104
00:04:45,417 --> 00:04:47,201
* Betcha they've made me

105
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* A closet

106
00:04:48,457 --> 00:04:51,371
* Of clothes *

107
00:04:52,877 --> 00:04:56,253
Lemon, what tragedy happened in your life
that you insist upon punishing yourself

108
00:04:56,506 --> 00:04:59,840
with all this...
mediocrity?

109
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,342
What? 'Cause I'm eating a turkey sub?

110
00:05:01,516 --> 00:05:03,092
Your turkey sub,
your clothes,

111
00:05:03,266 --> 00:05:08,143
the fact that a woman of your resources and position
lives like some boxcar hobo.

112
00:05:08,305 --> 00:05:09,892
Or maybe it's the fact
that while I'm saying all this,

113
00:05:10,065 --> 00:05:14,893
you have a piece of
lettuce stuck in your hair.

114
00:05:16,526 --> 00:05:20,862
This is the unlisted number..
of Stone,

115
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:25,452
the most exclusive restaurant
in the city, currently.

116
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:30,371
I think it's time that you start
enjoying some of the finer things in life.
117
00:05:30,536 --> 00:05:32,580
Completely unsolicited
and inappropriate.

118
00:05:32,746 --> 00:05:35,660
I will only accept it
because I love food.

119
00:05:35,837 --> 00:05:40,171
Do you know why Jack Welch
is the greatest leader since the pharaohs?

120
00:05:40,348 --> 00:05:46,133
Because he didn't only involve himself
in our work lives,
but our personal lives as well.

121
00:05:46,305 --> 00:05:49,893
He introduced us to the finest booze,
the most restrictive country clubs.

122
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:54,352
He gave us the names
of the most discreet private investigators
to spy on our ex-wives.

123
00:05:54,527 --> 00:05:59,810
He held our hands during our triumphs
and our Senate hearings.

124
00:05:59,987 --> 00:06:02,363
I want to hold your hand, Lemon.

125
00:06:02,525 --> 00:06:03,613
Yikes.

126
00:06:03,786 --> 00:06:04,692
This is a perfect example.

127
00:06:04,867 --> 00:06:08,363
You have a million-dollar view,
yet you refuse to acknowledge

128
00:06:08,538 --> 00:06:10,870
that there's a whole world out there.
129
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,371
Oh, my.

130
00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:16,540
There appears to be a gentleman
making passionate, angry, love to himself.

131
00:06:16,718 --> 00:06:17,410
Yeah, I know.

132
00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:19,330
That's why I closed the blinds
in the first place.

133
00:06:19,506 --> 00:06:21,213
Right in his office.

134
00:06:21,388 --> 00:06:23,553
Huh.

135
00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:27,880
Lemon, I like to think of myself as a winner.
I like to surround myself with winners.

136
00:06:28,056 --> 00:06:29,053
I see potential in you.

137
00:06:29,226 --> 00:06:31,802
Let me be...
your Jack Welch.

138
00:06:31,978 --> 00:06:34,681
Let me be your mentor.

139
00:06:34,855 --> 00:06:36,520
No, thank you.

140
00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:38,060
That is unfortunate.

141
00:06:38,238 --> 00:06:39,692
You've, uh...

142
00:06:39,855 --> 00:06:43,153
got to admire his persistence
and stamina, though.

143
00:06:43,325 --> 00:06:46,400
Am I wrong,
or is he in the middle
of a staff meeting?

144
00:06:46,570 --> 00:06:48,785
Maybe you should be his mentor.

145
00:06:48,955 --> 00:06:54,549
Obviously, he doesn't need one.
He's got it all figured out.

146
00:06:58,838 --> 00:07:00,048
I got one for ya.

147
00:07:00,219 --> 00:07:02,792
See the old guy over there
with the girl?

148
00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:04,421
Mistress or daughter?

149
00:07:04,597 --> 00:07:06,003
Oh, my God,
I hope it's his daughter.

150
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:08,092
Yeah, me too.

151
00:07:08,267 --> 00:07:10,763
Oh, my God!
Oh!

152
00:07:10,936 --> 00:07:12,050
God, I hope it's his mistress.

153
00:07:12,227 --> 00:07:13,930
Oh, that is just wrong.

154
00:07:14,106 --> 00:07:16,972
Hey, 007, how about some
more rolls over here, huh?

155
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:20,062
Oh, my, my, what a pleasant
surprise-- Lemon.

156
00:07:20,238 --> 00:07:22,480
And you brought a man.
Jack Donaghy.

157
00:07:22,655 --> 00:07:24,061
And this is my friend Anastasia.

158
00:07:24,238 --> 00:07:24,690
How are you?

159
00:07:24,867 --> 00:07:27,402
Hi. Dennis Duffy,
Beeper King.

160
00:07:27,577 --> 00:07:28,993
The Beeper King,
really?

161
00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:31,913
Uh, Dennis has his own business.
Yes, he's an entrepreneur.

162
00:07:32,078 --> 00:07:32,992
He's very successful.

163
00:07:33,168 --> 00:07:35,453
You've probably seen my ads
on the 7 train, right?

164
00:07:35,626 --> 00:07:38,160
I didn't know they served
chicken nuggets at this restaurant.

165
00:07:38,337 --> 00:07:40,791
It's cod. It's, uh--
They made it special.

166
00:07:40,968 --> 00:07:42,502
Dennis has some dietary restrictions.

167
00:07:42,675 --> 00:07:46,461
Actually, I'm allergic to all fish
unless it's fried.
168
00:07:46,638 --> 00:07:47,210
You know?

169
00:07:47,387 --> 00:07:48,843
That's a sharp tie
you've got there, Dennis.

170
00:07:49,015 --> 00:07:50,553
That douche bag up
front made me wear it.

171
00:07:50,726 --> 00:07:51,841
Does he know you're
the Beeper King?

172
00:07:52,018 --> 00:07:53,013
I don't think so.

173
00:07:53,187 --> 00:07:54,513
Anyway, thanks for the hook-up.

174
00:07:54,686 --> 00:07:57,103
This is clearly the nicest restaurant
we've ever been to.

175
00:07:57,266 --> 00:07:57,680
Hold on a second.

176
00:07:57,858 --> 00:07:59,270
This place ain't that nice, all right?

177
00:07:59,435 --> 00:08:01,690
It's got rats and roaches
like every other restaurant.

178
00:08:01,857 --> 00:08:03,103
No rat talk tonight, okay?

179
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:05,613
You know there are 17 rats
per person in Manhattan?

180
00:08:05,776 --> 00:08:08,730
You eat a pound of rat crap
every year without even knowing it, huh?
181
00:08:08,907 --> 00:08:10,191
I think I read about that
in The New Yorker.

182
00:08:10,368 --> 00:08:11,702
Anyway, we'll leave you
to your meal.

183
00:08:11,868 --> 00:08:16,910
I hope you enjoy the,
uh, choices that you've made.

184
00:08:22,968 --> 00:08:25,421
Stop it.

185
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:32,552
And that former call girl went on
to become one of NBC's biggest news anchors.

186
00:08:32,726 --> 00:08:35,050
Star coming!
Wall hug, everybody.

187
00:08:35,227 --> 00:08:37,263
[gasp] That's Tracy Jordan.

188
00:08:37,435 --> 00:08:42,060
He seems like such a nice,
normal young man.

189
00:08:42,315 --> 00:08:44,981
[screaming] No!

190
00:08:45,156 --> 00:08:49,863
Let's keep going, you guys.
Let's keep goin'.

191
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:05,580
I enjoyed the restaurant.
Thank you.

192
00:09:06,467 --> 00:09:07,212
Just say it.

193
00:09:07,387 --> 00:09:12,972
Just say what you're dying to say.
Dennis is nice to me, okay?

194
00:09:13,135 --> 00:09:14,421
He fixed my toilet.

195
00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:16,553
He broke it first,
but he fixed it.

196
00:09:16,725 --> 00:09:20,060
And he loves hockey,
and I'm...figuring it out.

197
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:23,310
And it's easy--
I get a lot of work done.

198
00:09:23,488 --> 00:09:25,023
I don't have time
for a personal life, okay?

199
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:29,112
I can't just go to Central Park
and join the singles touch football league.

200
00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:30,772
Like I'd want to anyway.

201
00:09:30,947 --> 00:09:33,691
People in those posters,
always laughing in their sweaters.

202
00:09:33,867 --> 00:09:36,613
Who are they foolin'?

203
00:09:36,787 --> 00:09:40,783
Oh, okay, you're not going to say anything to me
because I rejected you as a mentor?

204
00:09:40,957 --> 00:09:41,413
Who cares?

205
00:09:41,585 --> 00:09:45,621
I have a lot of friends
I can talk to about my life.

206
00:09:45,795 --> 00:09:49,210
The bottom line is,
Dennis is my boyfriend
because he inquired.

207
00:09:49,387 --> 00:09:53,762
He was the only applicant,
and I am not--

208
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:56,633
Doin' great.

209
00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:00,102
Come in.

210
00:10:00,268 --> 00:10:01,100
Do you have a minute?

211
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,642
I gotta talk to you about
this whole Dennis thing--

212
00:10:02,817 --> 00:10:04,983
Ah! What did you do to yourself?

213
00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:07,192
Me?
Nothing.

214
00:10:07,355 --> 00:10:09,983
Just getting more rest,
drinking more water.

215
00:10:10,158 --> 00:10:13,823
Really? This water-- does someone boil it first,
then throw it in your face?

216
00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:20,320
Okay, I had a little Botox and some collagen,
and a chemical peel, and something with shark DNA.

217
00:10:20,497 --> 00:10:23,123
Admit it,
I look ten years younger.

218
00:10:23,296 --> 00:10:26,042
No, younger even.
You look like a fetus.

219
00:10:26,217 --> 00:10:28,832
Look, I came here to talk to you
about my problems with Dennis.

220
00:10:29,008 --> 00:10:31,002
Oh, I can't right now, honey.

221
00:10:31,176 --> 00:10:34,800
If I don't do my facial exercises,
I could wind up looking weird.

222
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:37,843
I just mentioned Dennis,
and your eyebrows didn't go up.

223
00:10:38,018 --> 00:10:39,011
They didn't?

224
00:10:39,185 --> 00:10:40,511
No.

225
00:10:40,687 --> 00:10:42,013
How about now?

226
00:10:42,187 --> 00:10:43,813
Unh-uh.

227
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,521
Anything?

228
00:10:47,358 --> 00:10:49,101
Hey, what's up, baby?
Liz around?

229
00:10:49,277 --> 00:10:51,523
She should be back soon.
Is that a present for her?

230
00:10:51,696 --> 00:10:54,533
Yeah. If she doesn't get back here soon,
I'm pokin' air holes in it.

231
00:10:54,695 --> 00:10:55,653
Excuse me.
232
00:10:55,828 --> 00:10:59,533
I couldn't help but notice that, uh...
none of you are wearing beepers.

233
00:10:59,706 --> 00:11:00,912
You sell beepers?

234
00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:02,910
I sell a way of life,
my friend.

235
00:11:03,085 --> 00:11:05,873
Cool. I can use some ironic accessories.

236
00:11:06,047 --> 00:11:06,791
What are you doing here?

237
00:11:06,956 --> 00:11:08,211
Hey, I bought you a present.

238
00:11:08,377 --> 00:11:09,581
Oh?

239
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:12,130
Uh-oh.

240
00:11:12,335 --> 00:11:13,713
Oh, no. It got out.

241
00:11:13,888 --> 00:11:15,633
If anyone sees a salamander,
it's Liz's.

242
00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:18,720
No. I don't want a salamander!
And I don't want you here selling beepers.

243
00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:21,263
Why not? I mean, you work in a business.
Business people need beepers.

244
00:11:21,437 --> 00:11:22,643
No, they need cell phones.

245
00:11:22,806 --> 00:11:25,180
Oh, yeah, for now.
But the beeper's gonna be making a comeback.

246
00:11:25,357 --> 00:11:26,350
Technology's cyclical.

247
00:11:26,528 --> 00:11:28,351
No technology is not cyclical.

248
00:11:28,527 --> 00:11:31,853
(Jack) I thought I recognized that voice.
Dennis, how the heck are you?

249
00:11:32,026 --> 00:11:32,772
Did you enjoy that restaurant?

250
00:11:32,947 --> 00:11:34,151
Nah, I think I was right
about that place.

251
00:11:34,315 --> 00:11:35,943
We actually saw a whole nest of rats
when we were leaving.

252
00:11:36,118 --> 00:11:37,191
No, we didn't.

253
00:11:37,368 --> 00:11:39,401
I just didn't want to tell you
'cause I knew you'd freak out.

254
00:11:39,575 --> 00:11:40,823
Actually, I think I saw a rat king.

255
00:11:40,998 --> 00:11:42,363
Aren't rat kings a myth?

256
00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:43,700
What's a rat king?

257
00:11:43,875 --> 00:11:47,162
Oh, it's when a bunch of rats
are crammed into a tiny space,

258
00:11:47,337 --> 00:11:50,160
and their tails get all tangled up,
and they can't even pull apart.

259
00:11:50,338 --> 00:11:51,210
And then it gets awesome.

260
00:11:51,376 --> 00:11:55,170
Eventually, their bodies fuse together
and they form a multi-headed live rat king.

261
00:11:55,347 --> 00:11:56,751
And we saw one.

262
00:11:56,928 --> 00:11:59,511
Gosh, I hope you got a picture of that
with the camera on your beeper.

263
00:11:59,706 --> 00:12:02,802
Actually, my beeper doesn't have a camera,
but it does have a pedometer.

264
00:12:02,975 --> 00:12:04,972
Actually, not this one.

265
00:12:05,146 --> 00:12:07,850
[whispering] I love him.

266
00:12:08,025 --> 00:12:09,983
Listen, I need to talk to you
in my office, please.

267
00:12:10,148 --> 00:12:10,773
- Why?
- Now.

268
00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:13,272
What's up?

269
00:12:13,447 --> 00:12:14,313
Is that a tattoo?

270
00:12:14,486 --> 00:12:15,812
Uh-huh. [chuckles]

271
00:12:15,988 --> 00:12:17,982
Who normal now?
You hear me, America?

272
00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:21,153
Who's normal now?

273
00:12:23,498 --> 00:12:25,203
How could you do this
to the show?

274
00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:27,782
I got this tattoo
for the good of the show.

275
00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:30,452
It gives us an edge--
the reason why you brought me on.

276
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:33,291
And when you purchase Tracy Jordan,
he comes with a tattoo

277
00:12:33,468 --> 00:12:35,503
of a biblical dragon
from outer space.

278
00:12:35,676 --> 00:12:37,210
It's gonna take forever
to cover this thing with makeup.

279
00:12:37,385 --> 00:12:39,711
You can't put makeup
on my tattoo, Liz Lemon.

280
00:12:39,887 --> 00:12:42,342
It's in my contract.

281
00:12:42,517 --> 00:12:43,681
No, it's not.

282
00:12:43,845 --> 00:12:46,393
Actually, he's got a pretty weird contract.

283
00:12:46,556 --> 00:12:50,182
Great. Jenna looks like
a porn star burn victim,
and now this idiot.
284
00:12:50,357 --> 00:12:52,183
What am I gonna do?

285
00:12:52,358 --> 00:12:54,852
It's gonna be Josh's busiest show ever.

286
00:12:55,028 --> 00:12:57,401
Oof...

287
00:13:00,578 --> 00:13:02,862
Josh?

288
00:13:04,577 --> 00:13:06,533
Miss Taylor.

289
00:13:06,706 --> 00:13:08,782
When your office said you were
sending me something,

290
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:11,163
I didn't realize
it would be you.

291
00:13:11,335 --> 00:13:16,213
But I had to give you this gift
in person, Josh.

292
00:13:16,927 --> 00:13:18,093
Oh.

293
00:13:18,257 --> 00:13:20,713
I'm just glad you weren't
offended by my impression.

294
00:13:20,888 --> 00:13:22,010
Oh...

295
00:13:22,175 --> 00:13:23,630
but I was...

296
00:13:23,808 --> 00:13:24,971
deeply.

297
00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:28,723
I'm here to give you the gift...
of pain.

298
00:13:28,896 --> 00:13:30,972
The gift of what?

299
00:13:31,145 --> 00:13:32,810
White diamonds!

300
00:13:32,987 --> 00:13:35,353
Ha ha!

301
00:13:37,816 --> 00:13:39,273
Okay, very funny.

302
00:13:39,445 --> 00:13:42,233
You bought a pager from Dennis.
Will you take it off now, please?

303
00:13:42,407 --> 00:13:45,613
Oh, I can't.
I'm expecting a call from 1983.

304
00:13:45,788 --> 00:13:47,412
Look, Dennis takes care of me, okay?

305
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:49,742
Liz, I'd like you
to meet Howard Jorgensen.

306
00:13:49,917 --> 00:13:50,493
Liz, how do you do?

307
00:13:50,666 --> 00:13:53,790
He's the vice president of locomotives,
and a rising star at GE.

308
00:13:53,955 --> 00:13:56,331
I thought the two of you
had a lot in common.

309
00:13:56,506 --> 00:13:58,670
You are relentless.

310
00:13:58,835 --> 00:14:02,960
Look, uh, Howard, you're obviously
an attractive and confident guy,
311
00:14:03,135 --> 00:14:06,261
and at a different time in my life,
I could definitely see the two of us together.

312
00:14:06,436 --> 00:14:11,222
I'm married with two
beautiful kids and a pool.

313
00:14:11,395 --> 00:14:12,561
(Jack) Liz, I wasn't
trying to set you up.

314
00:14:12,725 --> 00:14:14,273
I wanted to show you my handiwork.

315
00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:16,351
I used to mentor Howard.

316
00:14:16,527 --> 00:14:18,060
(Howard) I was a lot like you.

317
00:14:18,237 --> 00:14:21,771
I dressed poorly,
had bad posture,

318
00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:23,151
walked around
with lettuce in my hair.

319
00:14:23,326 --> 00:14:24,402
Oh, son of a bitch.

320
00:14:24,576 --> 00:14:26,611
And I cursed like a sailor.

321
00:14:26,786 --> 00:14:29,822
But Jack saw potential in me.
He changed my life.

322
00:14:29,996 --> 00:14:33,543
Now Howard's earning seven figures
and he's married to a swell Filipino gal.

323
00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:34,243
[chuckles] Oh, thanks, Jack.
324
00:14:34,417 --> 00:14:38,790
Look, I told you,
I don't need a mentor.

325
00:14:39,217 --> 00:14:41,500
Fine.

326
00:14:42,846 --> 00:14:45,300
Liz Taylor really messed him up.
He might have brain damage.

327
00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:47,170
(Liz on phone) Oh, my God.

328
00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:49,801
Maybe the musical guest
can do some extra songs this week.

329
00:14:49,978 --> 00:14:50,591
Who is it?

330
00:14:50,768 --> 00:14:51,893
James Blunt.

331
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,600
Oh.

332
00:14:53,766 --> 00:14:55,680
No, I said no lettuce.

333
00:14:55,855 --> 00:14:57,813
Are you at that crappy
sandwich place again?

334
00:14:57,988 --> 00:15:00,650
Yeah-- why is everybody
judging all of my choices lately?

335
00:15:00,815 --> 00:15:02,771
This place is fine--

336
00:15:02,946 --> 00:15:05,482
It's convenient, it's consistent,
I know what I'm getting,
337
00:15:05,657 --> 00:15:07,820
it doesn't make me
feel bad about my body.

338
00:15:07,995 --> 00:15:08,491
And you know what?

339
00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:10,991
Maybe I'm at an age where it's okay
for me to settle for this.

340
00:15:11,168 --> 00:15:15,872
Are we still talking
about the sandwich place?

341
00:15:16,046 --> 00:15:19,000
No, sadly,
I don't think we are.

342
00:15:19,167 --> 00:15:21,583
Okay.
I admit it.

343
00:15:21,756 --> 00:15:24,962
Dennis isn't a sandwich I want to eat
every day for the rest of my life.

344
00:15:25,135 --> 00:15:26,211
I'm clueless about men.

345
00:15:26,387 --> 00:15:28,631
I'm clueless about everything
that isn't this show.

346
00:15:28,806 --> 00:15:29,932
Maybe you can tell me how to live,

347
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,011
because sadly,
you may be the most stable person

348
00:15:32,186 --> 00:15:35,182
I know right now.

349
00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:38,022
Gentlemen, we'll have to continue
this conference some other time.

350
00:15:38,188 --> 00:15:39,602
(Howard on speakerphone)
That's her again, isn't it?

351
00:15:39,777 --> 00:15:41,520
Hi, Howard. (hangs up phone)

352
00:15:41,696 --> 00:15:43,442
Lemon, today is the first day
of the rest of your life,

353
00:15:43,615 --> 00:15:45,612
and what is the first thing
you need to do?

354
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,190
I have to break up with Dennis.

355
00:15:47,367 --> 00:15:48,071
And why is that?

356
00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:51,820
Because he wears shirts
with the Looney Tunes embroidered on them.

357
00:15:51,995 --> 00:15:53,623
Because he cuts his own hair.

358
00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:56,580
Because that one little nice thing that he does,
doesn't make up for the fact

359
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:58,870
that I don't want to
be seen with him in public.

360
00:15:59,045 --> 00:16:00,253
And if you don't break up
with him now?

361
00:16:00,415 --> 00:16:02,542
He'll just keep showing up
at work to sell beepers.

362
00:16:02,717 --> 00:16:05,423
He'll just keep calling
my mother to borrow money.

363
00:16:05,596 --> 00:16:08,212
We'll just get more and more
tangled up in each other's lives

364
00:16:08,386 --> 00:16:12,970
until I just can't even get away
and we're just like--
Oh, my God.

365
00:16:13,145 --> 00:16:16,261
That's right.
He's the rat king.

366
00:16:16,435 --> 00:16:18,181
And there's only one way
to break up with a rat.

367
00:16:18,355 --> 00:16:19,471
You have to cut him
off completely.

368
00:16:19,648 --> 00:16:20,103
I know.

369
00:16:20,276 --> 00:16:23,600
You have to stuff your heart
with steel wool and tinfoil.

370
00:16:23,778 --> 00:16:26,732
You must be ruthless.
You must to be absolute.

371
00:16:26,906 --> 00:16:28,440
Remember always,
you are The Exterminator.

372
00:16:28,616 --> 00:16:29,073
Say it.

373
00:16:29,235 --> 00:16:30,033
I am The Exterminator.

374
00:16:30,195 --> 00:16:30,943
Say it like you mean it.

375
00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:32,400
- I am The Exterminator!
- Louder!

376
00:16:32,578 --> 00:16:34,360
[shouting] I am The Exterminator!

377
00:16:34,536 --> 00:16:35,820
Okay, not that loud.

378
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:38,242
[whispering] People are trying to work
around here, okay?

379
00:16:38,416 --> 00:16:41,003
(woman on P.A.) 30 minutes to dress rehearsal.

380
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,501
Tracy, they need you in wardrobe.

381
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:47,500
(woman) That's 30 minutes
till dress rehearsal.

382
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:51,590
Why is part of your face
still on the pillow?

383
00:16:51,765 --> 00:16:53,593
Damn it. Where's my Sharpie?

384
00:16:53,768 --> 00:16:55,760
Oh, it is fake!

385
00:16:55,936 --> 00:16:57,603
Look, I'm crazy,
not stupid.

386
00:16:57,765 --> 00:17:00,063
A movie star can't have
a big old permanent face tattoo.

387
00:17:00,225 --> 00:17:02,233
I just need to walk around
with this for a week,

388
00:17:02,395 --> 00:17:05,603
get my picture on the interweb,
show the world I'm still dangerous.

389
00:17:05,777 --> 00:17:07,770
And then what about next week
when you don't have it anymore?

390
00:17:07,945 --> 00:17:08,981
You're gonna look like--

391
00:17:09,157 --> 00:17:11,491
I had extreme plastic surgery
to have it removed.

392
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:12,862
Ba-boom!

393
00:17:13,105 --> 00:17:15,110
That's another "Not Normal."

394
00:17:15,286 --> 00:17:19,161
You know this is very, very,
very bad for me, right?

395
00:17:19,335 --> 00:17:21,200
I need to protect my reputation.

396
00:17:21,376 --> 00:17:24,750
You take away my street cred,
and I am Wayne Brady.

397
00:17:24,926 --> 00:17:25,372
Nuh-uh.

398
00:17:25,548 --> 00:17:26,790
Wayne Brady has three Emmys.

399
00:17:26,966 --> 00:17:32,260
You have a People's Choice Award
that you stole from Wayne Brady.

400
00:17:32,428 --> 00:17:38,681
I shouldn't expect a white woman from Whiteville
to understand street cred.

401
00:17:38,857 --> 00:17:40,351
First of all,
I'm not from Whiteville.

402
00:17:40,515 --> 00:17:45,892
I'm from White Haven,
and it's not as nice as it sounds.

403
00:17:46,106 --> 00:17:47,442
Oh...fine!

404
00:17:47,605 --> 00:17:52,231
You can keep the tattoo.
For this week only.

405
00:17:54,367 --> 00:17:55,450
(man) Okay, here we go.

406
00:17:55,618 --> 00:17:56,913
Quiet, please!

407
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,160
Rehearsing!

408
00:17:59,325 --> 00:18:02,911
(male announcer) And now, a word
from the White House.

409
00:18:03,086 --> 00:18:05,290
Good evening.
I'm Laura Bush.

410
00:18:05,466 --> 00:18:07,543
And I'm Condoleezza Rice.

411
00:18:07,718 --> 00:18:10,841
[indistinctly] And I'm John Kerry.

412
00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:12,303
Well, we had a good run.

413
00:18:12,466 --> 00:18:13,760
What the hell happened here?
414
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:16,012
The cast had a rough week.

415
00:18:16,187 --> 00:18:19,222
These people cannot be on television.

416
00:18:19,395 --> 00:18:22,721
What is your contingency plan
for a crapstorm of this magnitude?

417
00:18:22,895 --> 00:18:23,771
There is none.

418
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,482
We go live in a half an hour.

419
00:18:25,645 --> 00:18:28,693
No wonder your career is being held back
by a lack of foresight

420
00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:31,151
and an addiction
to dysfunctional relationships.

421
00:18:31,325 --> 00:18:34,991
You have no exit strategies.

422
00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:37,280
He knows about my marriage?

423
00:18:37,457 --> 00:18:39,112
No.

424
00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:40,662
This is gonna be a bad show.

425
00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:43,041
Worse than the time we let Tracy
do that tribute to August Wilson?

426
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:44,241
That was my fault.

427
00:18:44,418 --> 00:18:46,372
I should have made sure he knew
who August Wilson was.

428
00:18:46,548 --> 00:18:48,962
Maybe we'll be pre-empted
by some national news event.

429
00:18:49,125 --> 00:18:52,631
How's Gerald Ford's health?

430
00:18:52,796 --> 00:18:55,012
Oh, a blackout.
That'll work.

431
00:18:55,177 --> 00:18:56,671
(Pete) All right,
Nobody panic!

432
00:18:56,846 --> 00:19:02,221
The backup generator will kick in
in just a few seconds.

433
00:19:03,396 --> 00:19:04,851
Okay, you can panic.

434
00:19:05,026 --> 00:19:07,640
(Liz) This is real.

435
00:19:07,818 --> 00:19:09,563
We dodged a bullet here
tonight, Lemon.

436
00:19:09,737 --> 00:19:12,732
Yes, this blackout is
a fortunate coincidence.

437
00:19:12,908 --> 00:19:14,191
You didn't do it, right?

438
00:19:14,366 --> 00:19:15,610
What, do you think
I control the universe?

439
00:19:15,787 --> 00:19:19,033
Yo, this blackout messed me up.

440
00:19:19,207 --> 00:19:23,120
I didn't get to debut my dragon face.
Could I do the Today Show tomorrow?

441
00:19:23,285 --> 00:19:24,953
No, you're on a plane
to Boston tomorrow, Tray.

442
00:19:25,126 --> 00:19:25,743
We have a laboratory.

443
00:19:25,916 --> 00:19:27,621
They're experimenting
in tattoo removal.

444
00:19:27,795 --> 00:19:32,132
It promises to be one of our biggest profit centers
once today's generation finally sobers up.

445
00:19:32,297 --> 00:19:33,840
Tattoo's fake, Donaghy.

446
00:19:34,008 --> 00:19:36,301
Fake.

447
00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:39,590
Street cred.
He's a genius.

448
00:19:39,765 --> 00:19:40,880
(man) Flashlight, $20!

449
00:19:41,056 --> 00:19:43,221
Flashlight, $20!

450
00:19:43,395 --> 00:19:45,223
- Can I give you a ride?
- Flashlight, $20!

451
00:19:45,396 --> 00:19:48,021
No. I wouldn't want to crowd you.

452
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,641
Be strong, Lemon.

453
00:19:49,818 --> 00:19:53,061
Don't let Dennis chew
his way out of this one.

454
00:19:53,238 --> 00:19:54,112
(man) Flashlight, $20!

455
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:55,520
Can I borrow 20 bucks?

456
00:19:55,696 --> 00:19:59,030
(man) Flashlight, $20!

457
00:20:05,126 --> 00:20:08,081
Dennis, wake up.

458
00:20:08,455 --> 00:20:09,750
Huh? What?

459
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:14,001
You could've burned the place down.

460
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:17,802
I wish I had burned the place down.

461
00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:20,470
There's no reason to live anymore.

462
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:22,220
What happened?

463
00:20:22,386 --> 00:20:25,302
The Islanders lost tonight.

464
00:20:25,478 --> 00:20:28,930
Doesn't that happen a lot?

465
00:20:29,106 --> 00:20:32,983
I knew you wouldn't understand.

466
00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:50,662
So how did it go?

467
00:20:50,837 --> 00:20:52,461
He moved in with me.

468
00:20:52,627 --> 00:20:56,003
Well, of course he did.

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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