1

00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:19,242

SELINA: Andrew, you know what?

2
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:22,369
You resented my success
when we were married, okay?

3
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:25,011
But now it is absolutely eating you raw.

4
00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:26,047
You were the best thing to
ever happen to him

5
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:27,240
- and he threw it away.
- Yeah,

6
00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:28,691
you were the best thing...
I was the best thing

7
00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:30,683
that ever happened to you
and you just threw it away.

8
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,406
Ma'am, we have to go now if you want to
catch Kent for a hostages meeting.

9
00:00:33,480 --> 00:00:37,530
Okay, listen, I will not have you
undermine me with Catherine.

10
00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:39,722
- Will you be wanting a clutch?
- I will.

11
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:41,564
- Okay.
- I will not.

12
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:43,768
- Oh, you don't?
- No, no, I will. I want the bag.

13
00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:46,411
No, I want Catherine
to spend Thanksgiving with me,

14
00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:48,209
not some random boyfriend.

15
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:51,727
And what about poor Memaw,
who's guaranteed to be dead by March?

16
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:52,961
With any luck.

17
00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,769
Mmm-hmm.
Well, congratulations.

18
00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:57,605
You have successfully learned
how to manipulate Catherine.

19
00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:00,562
How is that insulting to her?

20
00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:02,927
God, you just turn it all around... Okay.

21
00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:04,724
- Just hanging up on him.
- Shall we go?

22
00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,689
- Yeah, let's just get out.
- There's some Advil in the bag.

23
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:08,762
Yeah, I hope we have a number
for a contract killer, too.

24
00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:09,927
(LAUGHS) <i>I'll</i> do it.

25
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,529
Nice wheels, Mike. This new?

26
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:16,364
Not quite. Like your mother,

27
00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:19,364
it's been previously loved
and paid for by a couple of guys.

28
00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:21,329
I guess this means
you cleared your debts, huh?

29
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:23,721
No, I've added this to my debt.

30
00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:27,009
The old "drink your way
out of alcoholism" approach.

31
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:30,448
- I like it.
- No, this isn't like when I drank.

32
00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:32,602
You had a drinking problem?

33
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:35,081
(STAMMERING)
Not a problem. An issue.

34
00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,288
Not even an issue. A hitch.

35
00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:38,930
You had a drinking hitch?

36
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,128
Dan, I owe 100 grand.

37
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:43,202
Nothing I can do will change that.

38
00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:45,931
So, I've accepted what I cannot change.

39
00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:47,690
A few extra grand doesn't matter.
40
00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:49,603
Are you drunk right now?

41
00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:51,887
Morning, Mr. Egan.
Have you read the regionality paper?

42
00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:53,724
- No.
- Okay.

43
00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:55,763
Have a great day.

44
00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,286
- I get that all the time.
- No, you don't.

45
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:02,646
But I need to talk to that autistic
lumberjack son of a bitch.

46
00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:04,290
There he is. Hi, Kent.

47
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:07,045
- Madam Vice President.
- Hey, I heard you were doing Pilates.

48
00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:08,804
I didn't know you had a core.
(CHUCKLES)

49
00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,291
I do and it's like steel.

50
00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:14,806
So are we really not doing anything
about the hostages now?

51
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:17,724
- Nothing at all?
- We are doing something.

52
00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:19,484
- Yeah? What are we doing?
- Nothing.

53
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,369
Until the numbers support intervention,

54
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:23,761
doing nothing is the most
positive thing we can do.

55
00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:25,968
You know, it's just so great
talking to you, Kent.

56
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:27,684
I love being close to the inaction.

57
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,161
The national security meeting this
afternoon is still happening, right?

58
00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:34,450
Yes, 4:30. Hostages and the SM-17
missile defense system sale

59
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,204
to Israel will both be discussed.

60
00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,328
SM-17d. There's a lower case D.

61
00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,050
- Apologies, sir.
- Details are important.

62
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:43,363
- A misplaced decimal point can kill a diabetic.
- Yes, sir.

63
00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:45,807
I look forward to attending
the meeting as per our deal.

64
00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:48,008
POTUS would love to have you there,
as would I.
65
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:50,526
That's if you can possibly be back in time.

66
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,126
- Back in time from what?
- I'm sorry, I have an 8:45.

67
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:54,531
- Mr. Ryan.
- Yes, sir.

68
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,001
- What? Kent?
- Uh, ma'am.

69
00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,321
- Yes?
- The Listen to Rural America program

70
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,971
that you okayed with POTUS
after the midterms is looking...

71
00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,160
You know what?
Why don't you put on your running shoes

72
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,248
and get to the fucking point, Jonah?

73
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,680
The North Carolina Pork Board
is having a pig picking today.

74
00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,842
Sounds classy. Will Kate
Middleton be there?

75
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:12,371
POTUS would like to get you down there

76
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:15,683
and utilize your people skills
to kick off US, Hey.

77
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,489
- That's what they're gonna call it?
- Yeah.

78
00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:19,369
Who came up
with that incredibly shitty name?

79
00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:21,044
That would be me, ma'am.

80
00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,521
Okay, so they want me to go to a pig roast

81
00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:26,484
to meet a bunch of men
who probably took turns

82
00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:29,251
to fuck the pig before they roasted it?

83
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:30,651
I wouldn't presume they took turns.

84
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,041
Let me tell you something.
I'm going to that 4:30 meeting

85
00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:34,929
even if I have to get Sue
to fly around the world

86
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,571
the wrong way like Superman
and reverse time.

87
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,324
- Do you understand that?
- Yes, ma'am.

88
00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:40,765
Okay.

89
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:44,567
Um, ma'am, uh,
my dad has taken a turn for the worse.

90
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,688
I'm thinking this pig picking
is a good opportunity...

91
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,285
Oh, yeah, skip it. Skip it. Go to him.

92
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,727
I'll bring you back a sandwich
and a six-toed husband.

93
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,849
- Maybe if she landed at a different base...
- Gary.

94
00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:56,282
This is not your area of expertise.

95
00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:58,647
(LAUGHING) It's just
typing into a calendar.

96
00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:01,530
- DAN: Ohh!
- I'm sorry, Sue. Your job is really difficult.

97
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,523
- Excuse me?
- You do it very efficiently.

98
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,762
- SELINA: Gary.
- Oh, thank you, Jesus.

99
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,127
We got to go.
We're gonna go mix with the hicks.

100
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,726
Congressman Furlong called
and he'd like some face time.

101
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,849
Okay, well, let's see,
I'd rather set fire to my vulva.

102
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,081
So that's a no.

103
00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,130
He's in town trying to play nice for a
possible Senate run in the next year or so.

104
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:19,247
SELINA: Seriously?

105
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,170
Roger Furlong trying to play nice
is like Brando trying to play Annie.

106
00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:23,805
- That's a good one, Mike.
- Thanks, ma'am.

107
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:25,769
Wait. Ma'am?

108
00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:27,800
I just got a message here.
Something about a paper

109
00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:29,763
that your daughter wrote
that ended up on some guy's blog.

110
00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:33,003
See, this is why China regulates
their Internet. What does it say?

111
00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:35,731
I don't know. Some film studies course.
A paper she wrote.

112
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:37,723
Did you know that
I'm paying 65 grand a year to that school?

113
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,963
They had better be putting gold on
that popcorn instead of butter, right?

114
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:43,486
- JONAH: Oh, ma'am!
- What? Oh, no.
115
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,881
- I'm out of here.
- I'm coming with you.

116
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:48,964
- What?
- POTUS wants me to monitor US, Hey

117
00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:51,281
- as kind of my pet project.
- Oh, for fuck's sakes.

118
00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:55,251
This must be the first pet project of yours
that didn't involve resorting to chloroform.

119
00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:57,448
Yeah, well, it's early days, Mike.

120
00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:58,965
Can you take care of
this Catherine business?

121
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:00,849
- I've got someplace I've got to be.
- Where?

122
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:04,288
Well, I think I might
have found a way to get to Kent Davison.

123
00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:06,362
If you kill his mother
and then dress in her skin,

124
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:07,601
that's technically illegal.

125
00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,284
Technically.

126
00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:15,643
The Veep's office is pumped about the
new foreign policy portfolio, sir.

127
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:20,009
And I read this really interesting paper

128
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:22,367
on how regionality

129
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:26,001
is actually a more significant
political prism than nationality.

130
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:29,289
Did you just join
this Pilates studio, Mr. Egan?

131
00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:31,931
Yeah. Yeah, you know, it's convenient.

132
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,401
- Where do you live?
- Nearby.

133
00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:36,841
Local to here.

134
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:44,003
I hear the hostage situation
is really heating up.

135
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:45,525
I hope you've done Pilates before.

136
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:48,649
People think they can just
get on one of these machines.

137
00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:52,008
No. Six months I did before I got on this.

138
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:56,091
Yeah, well, I'm all about
the long-term goals.

139
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:03,445
Mike, look at this.

140
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:06,969
Look at this, Mike.

141
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,924
Just sipping some coffee. Air Force Two.

142
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:14,050
Real good. Take a picture of
me looking out the window.

143
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,565
Jonah. Jonah, calm down.

144
00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:18,007
It's a plane with a logo.
It's not Space Mountain.

145
00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:20,970
What the hell do you do on Air Force One,
rub your dick on the seats?

146
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,564
I haven't actually been on Air Force One.

147
00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:26,051
- What?
- I haven't been...

148
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,121
MIKE: Oh!

149
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,046
- Ma'am.
- Ugh!

150
00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:33,487
- How you doing, Mike?
- I'm doing great, ma'am.

151
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,722
Heard about your financial situation.

152
00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:37,404
You know, the boat and everything.

153
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:38,811
It's fine.
154
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:41,884
I've changed the only thing I can,
my reaction to things.

155
00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,407
And your boxers occasionally, I hope.

156
00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:45,720
I have a fresh pair every day now.

157
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:48,047
Oh! Good for you, Mike.
(CHUCKLES)

158
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:49,849
Hey, ma'am?

159
00:06:50,280 --> 00:06:51,441
What, Gary? What's wrong?

160
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:54,171
I know you think I'm melodramatic, ma'am.

161
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,083
I know you're melodramatic.

162
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,367
Our world has just ended.

163
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:05,811
Mike!

164
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,445
Read this.

165
00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:12,565
What is this?

166
00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:17,807
MIKE: "Revealed.
Selina's secret stash of signals.

167
00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,769
"When the VP rubs her right ear,
an aide will tell her

168
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,968
"she has an important
call that she must take.

169
00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:24,771
"In an unwanted conversation,
this is her exit strategy."

170
00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:28,487
All right, well,
somebody WikiLeaked the code.

171
00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:31,131
So we can't use those. We need new signals.

172
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,611
GARY: Those signals took years.

173
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,484
I can't just tear up the gestictionary

174
00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:36,130
and come up with new codes like that.
(CLICKS FINGERS)

175
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:38,123
Okay, that could be a signal.
Kind of a silent click.

176
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:39,690
Would you please... Okay, could you just...

177
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,205
I just need something basic for today.

178
00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,169
I don't want to get stuck talking pig shit

179
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,208
with people who use hay as furniture.

180
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:47,248
I need an exit strategy
181
00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:49,283
to be in DC by 4:30, so start thinking.

182
00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:51,522
Okay, but we have to make
these new signals subtle

183
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:54,251
so they don't kind of look like signals.

184
00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:56,163
You do realize that that was the point

185
00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:59,210
- of the old signals, right, Mike?
- I realize that.

186
00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:02,523
You slap your hands together.
Kind of give it a little thumbs up.

187
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:04,284
No, that's like I squished a bug

188
00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,089
and then I said,
"it's so cool I squished a bug."

189
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,481
What if you scratched
your head with your phone in your hand?

190
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,005
SELINA: What about this?

191
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:12,401
GARY; No...

192
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:14,608
- MIKE: You don't look pretty.
- Oh, forget it.

193
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,165
I got it. You can rub your eyebrow.

194
00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:17,685
No one will see that. It's subtle.

195
00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:18,841
MIKE: It looks natural.

196
00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:20,968
What if people think
I have crabs in my eyebrows?

197
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,361
How can you have crabs in your eyebrow?

198
00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:25,482
Okay, Gary, when a man and a woman

199
00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:28,006
love each other very much
and it's the man's birthday...

200
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,526
- Crap in a hat.
- What?

201
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,887
- It's your daughter.
- What? What is it?

202
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:36,760
She's fine, but she's done something
that'll make you want to kill her.

203
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:40,250
Christ, it's everywhere.

204
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,368
Well, if it's just a film studies essay...

205
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,329
No, Catherine's essay is about

206
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,687
Emad Burnat's movie <i>5</i> Broken Cameras.

207
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,603
If Owen Wilson's not in it,
I probably don't know it.

208
00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:52,127
It's about nonviolent Palestinian resistance
to Israeli settlement on the West Bank.

209
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:53,964
That doesn't sound like one of Owen's.

210
00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:57,681
She talks about the masterly portrayal
of brutal, illegal Israeli aggression.

211
00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:58,761
Ouch.

212
00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:00,604
We have to issue a statement.

213
00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:03,490
All right, well, standard
issue pro-Israeli,

214
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,040
pro-Palestinian,
but subtly more pro-Israeli statement.

215
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:07,849
I mean, hit F9 and print that fucker out.

216
00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,365
No, this needs to be top-notch.

217
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,720
This needs to be the Gettysburg Address
of tightrope-walking, say-nothing bullshit.

218
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,649
My time has come.

219
00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:18,888
(SCOFFS) All right, well, next election
I guess we lose Florida, then.

220
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:20,610
We got wheels down in 15.
221
00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:21,761
All right, I've got to change.

222
00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:22,887
All right, I'll text Amy.

223
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:25,088
Gary, what am I supposed to wear today?

224
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:26,924
At least that's good.

225
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,287
Well, howdy, y'all.

226
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,964
Oh, my goodness. Look at this.

227
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:32,440
Walking the walk, talking the pork.

228
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:35,371
Look at you,
a grown woman with cotton candy.

229
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,807
Pink like your cheeks.
I'm gonna give you both a hug.

230
00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:40,281
Oh, gosh, that looks
like finger-licking fun.

231
00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,567
That's a term I just coined today.
Do you like it?

232
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,802
Everybody's having such a good time.
But this young man

233
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:47,008
doesn't have anything to eat.
Now why would that be?
234
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,606
I hope you're not
just starving to death, sweetheart.

235
00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:51,762
What's going on?
We've got to get some meat on your bones.

236
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:53,444
And there you go.

237
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:55,488
Ask and you shall receive.

238
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:58,211
Why am I the only one wearing a cowboy hat?

239
00:09:58,280 --> 00:09:59,770
I'm gonna take this hat off.

240
00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:01,729
No. Hat hair, hat hair. Please don't.

241
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,326
Yes, she's pressing the
flesh very well, sir.

242
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:07,131
And these people have a lot of flesh.

243
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:08,565
Two things in politics to avoid,

244
00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:11,041
Middle East and family strife.
And we're combining both?

245
00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:13,168
<i>Now you get the daughter to apologize.</i>

246
00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:14,969
You have my authority.

247
00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:17,520
Ergo, you have POTUS's authority.
248
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:18,965
<i>- Understood?</i>
- Yes, <i>sir.</i>

249
00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:21,525
(SIGHS) If this were the '60s,

250
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:23,880
we could just have
the National Guard shoot the daughter.

251
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,920
West Wing, West Wing.
Pardon me. Coming through.

252
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:27,086
- Oh, hi there.
- Pardon me, West Wing.

253
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,286
Pardon me. Excuse me.

254
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,966
Oh, hello, little girl.
Office of the President.

255
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,122
Please step off to the side. Thank you.

256
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:36,409
Ma'am, I have been charged
with informing you

257
00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:38,528
that you need to get
your daughter Catherine

258
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:42,286
to apologize unequivocally and immediately.

259
00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:45,523
Yeah? Well, go shit
yourself, Long Tall Sally,

260
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,568
because I will deal with my daughter

261
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,484
in my own way on my own terms.

262
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,164
Yes, ma'am.

263
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:54,402
- Oh, here's your ma.
- SELINA: Hey, you got her?

264
00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:56,687
Hi, Catherine. How are you?

265
00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:59,883
- Hi, Mom.
- Stop it. Stop it. You're freaking me out.

266
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,769
<i>Stop xx.
- Freaking you out?</i>

267
00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:03,524
No, honey. Not you, Catherine.

268
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:06,325
It was Mike. He had you on top of his body.

269
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,528
No, that came out wrong.

270
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,443
- Listen, how are you doing?
- I'm okay.

271
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:12,329
<i>I'm getting a lot of attention.</i>

272
00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:14,204
<i>- Yeah.
- Why are you wearing</i> a <i>cowboy hat?</i>

273
00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:16,123
I'm at a pork event.
274
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:19,244
Listen, you can't talk
to anybody about this essay.

275
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:21,129
No media, no journalists or anything.

276
00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:23,040
You have somebody there, sweetie?
Who is that?

277
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:24,840
(MAKING KISSING SOUNDS)

278
00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:27,366
<i>Yeah, actually, it's my boyfriend.</i>

279
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,920
You're kidding. That's exciting.

280
00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:32,327
<i>His name is Rahim. He's Dilka's brother.</i>

281
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,243
Dilka's brother?

282
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,368
<i>What? Do you have a problem
with him being Iranian?</i>

283
00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:40,650
Okay, Catherine, you know
that I am not a racist, okay?

284
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:43,286
My boyfriend in college
was a quarter Cherokee.

285
00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:46,489
<i>Mom, I'm sorry, but I'm
not gonna say sorry.</i>

286
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,409
<i>- Okay?
- No...</i>
287
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:49,965
Catherine, don't... All right.

288
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,566
- Well, that worked perfectly.
- Good talk with Catherine?

289
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:54,927
Uh... Well, we've had
happier conversations.

290
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,843
Like when I told her her grandpa had died.

291
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:58,365
Oh, she didn't like him, huh?

292
00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:00,169
No, that's not what I meant.

293
00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:02,567
Oh, sorry. It's just my grampy,
he was a real prick.

294
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,210
- Okay, Mike.
- I mean he was...

295
00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:05,645
You need to get a chopper.

296
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:07,370
I want you to go to Catherine's college.

297
00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:10,125
No. You pick her up,
bring her to the air base. All right?

298
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,248
Get some towels.
I may need to daughter board her.

299
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:13,606
Okay?

300
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:17,166
- You hate choppers, Mike.
- I know.

301
00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:19,561
I'm always afraid I'm gonna
get my head cut off.

302
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:21,165
Yeah, it happens.

303
00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:30,130
While Israel's military non-occupation...

304
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:31,770
No, no, presence.

305
00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:34,081
While Israel's military presence,
words, words, words.

306
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,811
ROGER: This whole being pleasant
is fucking exhausting.

307
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,086
Yes, sir. It's very tiring.

308
00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:40,606
I'm running out of nice juice
to spray at these shit munchers.

309
00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:42,011
Hi there. Good to see you.

310
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:45,163
We also desire a settled homeland
for the Palestinian people.

311
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:47,129
ROGER: Oh, look who we have here.

312
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,885
Not only Ginger Rogers,
but also Ginger Rogers.

313
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,650
Nice joke construction, sir.

314
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:54,291
Stop trying to polish my dick,
you fucking four-eyed failure.

315
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,203
- Okay.
- And...

316
00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:58,965
Greetings, friends. We were just
in the building, so we stopped by.

317
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:02,010
In the building? Okay. What,
are you guys washing the windows today?

318
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:03,889
- Working on the bathrooms?
- You're quite the wit, Dan.

319
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:05,530
Yeah, I am quite the wit.
And you're quite...

320
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:06,806
AMY: We were just heading to the hospital.

321
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:10,202
My father's breathing has become very bad.

322
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:12,601
They think he might not
last through the night.

323
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:16,287
And Dan needs to come with me
so we can continue the statement.

324
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:18,522
- Apologies.
- Oh, no, not at all. I'm sorry about your dad.

325
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:20,602
- Okay, we should be going.
- Ah, we'll talk another time, then.

326
00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:22,091
I got all the time in the world.

327
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:24,447
We do actually have to be
out of DC by tomorrow.

328
00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:27,000
- It's a metaphor.
- I don't think it strictly is, sir.

329
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:28,206
It's a figure of speech...

330
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,521
You know, you're about as annoying
as a condom filled with fire ants.

331
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:31,960
How's that for a fucking metaphor?

332
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:34,240
- That's a simile, sir.
- Shut your mouth, you fat girl.

333
00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:39,811
So what hospital is your dad in?

334
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,649
George Washington.

335
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,370
Oh. That's a good one.

336
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,447
They got a big Starbucks there.

337
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:50,363
It's nice.
You know, people go in there that aren't...

338
00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:52,568
- You don't have to speak.
- Thank you.
339
00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:55,007
There you go, ma'am. You taste that.

340
00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:56,809
- That's heaven right there.
- This is big.

341
00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,291
<i>But I bet I can finish it.
I'm going to try.</i>

342
00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,169
KENT: I want to smash the I-4 corridor,

343
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:03,767
and I mean smash it,
all the while focusing on the inside game.

344
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:07,003
Then what... Holy cow.

345
00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:08,966
A pig.

346
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:14,209
MIKE: It's not being in the helicopter.
That's fine. I can ride in a helicopter.

347
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:17,124
It's just getting in.
I'm afraid it's gonna wobble.

348
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,089
Like, you know,
it'd chop the top of my head off

349
00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:20,571
like a soft-boiled egg and then I'm, like,

350
00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:22,449
running around trying
to put my head back on.

351
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:25,842
This is crazy, Mike.
All I did was write a review of a movie.

352
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:30,050
I know, Catherine, but the whole
Middle East thing is very confusing.

353
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:31,531
Right, Rahim?

354
00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:33,927
No, sometimes it can seem
pretty clear-cut to me.

355
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:35,081
- Yeah, well...
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)

356
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:36,161
Excuse me.

357
00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:39,329
Mike, where are you?

358
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:41,647
I'm at the hog roast.

359
00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:43,927
And are you paralyzed from the neck down?

360
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,924
- Why aren't you stopping this?
- Stopping...

361
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,606
REPORTER: Has the position of this
administration changed

362
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,808
toward Israel and Palestine?

363
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:55,529
<i>We support the state of
Israel, of course...</i>

364
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:58,331
Mike, the VP is voicing solidarity
365
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:02,007
with the Jewish people
in front of rotating pork.

366
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:05,209
<i>- For the Jewish people.
- Change the visual.</i>

367
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,487
- Deport the visual.
- Yes, sir.

368
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:08,641
(CELL PHONE RINGING)

369
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:11,127
J-1-1. What's your Jonah emergency?

370
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,407
Jonah, move the Veep away from the pig.

371
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:15,724
<i>Think about the sensitivities here.</i>

372
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:19,361
What, pork? Mike, most Jews in
this country are fine with pork.

373
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,925
Pork schmork, they often say.

374
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:24,004
Most Jews in this country
are fine with pork, Mr. Davison.

375
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,684
Pork schmork, really.

376
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,489
You ever hear of the Old Testament, Mike?

377
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:28,971
Israel, Europe.

378
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:30,690
Jonah, Israel, Europe.

379
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:32,922
Okay. Fuck. Fine, Mike.

380
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,968
But you fucking owe me for this. Excuse me.

381
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:39,526
These pork folks won't ask Selina
about Middle East politics, right?

382
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,523
Oh, no. Those fuckers probably think

383
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,489
the Middle East means Kansas.

384
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:46,643
Hey, you know what?
I'm not really great with illness

385
00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:49,769
or death or basic empathy,

386
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:53,128
but I just want to say I'm sorry about your
dad and I think you're being really brave.

387
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:54,645
What? Why are we stopping here?

388
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,290
That's my dad.

389
00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:58,249
Jesus, he doesn't look like he's dying.

390
00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,561
My family was guilt-tripping
the shit out of me

391
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:02,369
and so I exaggerated to come visit.
392
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:05,086
Besides, a dying dad
can be a get-out-of-jail-free card.

393
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,128
- Like with Furlong.
- Wow.

394
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,009
That is cold.

395
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:10,969
Also kind of hot.

396
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:14,768
(SPEAKING WITH MOUTH FULL)
and as a homeland for the Jewish people

397
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,808
<i>while at the same time we support</i>

398
00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:19,087
<i>a settled homeland for the Palestinians.</i>

399
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:20,845
I can still see the pig's ass.

400
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:22,649
You're not blocking it. Bend down.

401
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,245
Tie your shoe, whatever.

402
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:27,164
<i>That's a circle that's tricky to square.</i>

403
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,083
<i>And the President and</i> I...

404
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:32,323
We really need a bulkier
man in this situation.

405
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:35,165
<i>- Am</i> I <i>there?</i>
- MIKE: <i>Get closer towards it.</i>

406
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,368
Okay, Mike, it's right next to the coals.

407
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:38,601
The coals are hot.

408
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:42,082
Hey, quit touching the pig.
It's not a fucking petting zoo.

409
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,322
Ma'am, this is a matter of security, okay?

410
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:46,283
You think this pig is gonna attack her?

411
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:50,246
Son, that fucker is skinned and roasted.
He's at a huge disadvantage.

412
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,806
Okay, look, Office of the President.
So I'm staying.

413
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:55,406
I don't care if there is a funeral
procession due to use that street.

414
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:57,960
It is to be closed by 4:00 today.

415
00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:00,646
It'll cheer the family up, sir.
Everyone loves a motorcade.

416
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,963
Hello. What do you want?
You can't have it. Good-bye.

417
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:05,610
The congressman would like to have

418
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,604
a very polite chat in the next few
days with the Vice President.

419
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:09,761
No, he cannot.

420
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:11,450
I need you to let the Veep know

421
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:14,205
that I just wanted
to apologize for any erratic behavior

422
00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:17,090
she might have witnessed
from me in the past.

423
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,242
Does erratic behavior
include you storming into this office

424
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:21,209
and violently yelling at everyone?

425
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,442
Yes. I wasn't myself.

426
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,562
I was having a bit of a rough go.

427
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,723
My wife,
and I'm not looking for sympathy for this,

428
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:31,690
but she was very ill with kidney disease.

429
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,047
Your wife is perfectly fine.
She ran the Seattle Marathon.

430
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:35,600
All right, don't fuck with me, honey.

431
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,881
Just put my fucking name
in your stupid fucking schedule
432
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:40,247
and get me a face-to-face
with the Veep now!

433
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,721
Excuse me.
You need to leave this office now, sir.

434
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,245
- We do need to leave.
- Oh, really?

435
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,800
Okay, I've got boxes
and boxes on Selina Meyer.

436
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:48,564
You understand me?

437
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:50,847
I've got Pandora's fucking boxes on her.

438
00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:54,083
But we're fighting the lies
from many people in your party

439
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,242
about the environmental
impact of what we do.

440
00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:59,403
FARMER: You can't raise pigs
without excrement, ma'am.

441
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:01,164
- Uh-huh.
- Ltjust can't be done.

442
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:03,607
- I see. Yes.
- They defecate.

443
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:05,762
And they defecate with speed.

444
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:07,763
- Oh, Lord. Oh, goodness.
- And volume.

445
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:09,683
Well, I hear that. They're pigs.

446
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:12,764
Why wouldn't they? And I'm interested
to hear a few other folks.

447
00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:14,330
I thank you for your time.

448
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,050
- Hello, Miss America?
- Yeah.

449
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:19,408
I've been scratching my eyebrow
for three and a half fucking hours.

450
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:20,480
Where have you been?

451
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:21,851
I thought we weren't
doing the eyebrow thing.

452
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:23,001
- You said about the crabs.
- Okay,

453
00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:24,884
from now on,
we're doing the eyebrow thing.

454
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,088
Okay? And we've got to get out of here.

455
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:28,924
Did I tell you my girlfriend
came up with the eyebrow thing?

456
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,720
Well, good for her. We've got to go, right?
457
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,367
Since the midterms,
it's been really apocalyptic.

458
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:41,044
- We know you're busy, hon.
- It's fine.

459
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,771
But right now I am focused on you, Daddy.

460
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:51,846
Is that Dan Egan?

461
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,850
So you discussed our signals
with your girlfriend?

462
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:58,570
Yeah, she's really creative.

463
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:00,210
I thought she could come up
with some good ones.

464
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:03,250
And is she the only civilian
that you shared them with?

465
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:04,924
- Oh, yes, ma'am.
- Uh-huh.

466
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,321
Well, no. No. Dana would not leak.

467
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:10,404
- Classic first-stage denial.
- Quiet.

468
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:13,768
I mean, it must be. Gary, think about it.

469
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:15,723
It must be Dana.
470
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,529
Oh, my God.

471
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,682
She's getting her leak on.

472
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,730
What in the living fuck
is that god-awful smell, Jonah?

473
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:26,406
My jacket is partially
soaked in pork fat, ma'am.

474
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:27,527
Oh.

475
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:32,483
So you two aren't back together, then?

476
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:35,086
No, no. Just colleagues.

477
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,640
- You broke her heart. You know that?
- Mmm, no.

478
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:40,166
- Yeah. Yes.
- No. He...

479
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:43,284
He didn't even graze it.
We went on three dates.

480
00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:45,931
Oh! Dang, Amy. You put out quick.

481
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,445
- (LAUGHING)
- Amy and I just weren't compatible.

482
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,763
Right. it turns out I can't mate
with anyone outside of my species.
483
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,604
We all know what you need, Amy.

484
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:54,170
I mean besides a big, fat slap.

485
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:57,642
I do not want children, okay?
Why can nobody accept this?

486
00:19:57,920 --> 00:19:59,604
Sweetie, you do not have
to decide right now.

487
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:01,170
You still have plenty of time.

488
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,050
- I remained fertile till I was 56.
- Terrific.

489
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:07,090
- Just because I have a vagina...
- Oh, for God's sake, Amy.

490
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:08,764
We just want you to be happy, sweetie.

491
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,889
I am happy without kids.

492
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,962
- I am... Right?
- Oh, she's deliriously happy.

493
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,566
At work we actually call her Amiable Amy.

494
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,041
I think I'm gonna go get a coffee.
Anyone else?

495
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:23,011
- No, thank you.
- I will help you carry that second coffee.
496
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:27,608
I wrote an essay about
a very important film.

497
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:30,524
Okay? <i>You should be</i> proud <i>of me.
It's not Debbie Does Damascus.</i>

498
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:34,605
No, I am proud of you. But, sweetheart,
if we lose the pro-Israel vote,

499
00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:38,765
then we lose Florida in two years
and that's 29 electoral votes.

500
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:40,120
And then Mommy's out of a job.

501
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,567
Okay, I'm still not going to apologize.

502
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,120
Have you even seen the movie
that I'm talking about?

503
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,680
When would I have time to see a film?

504
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,529
I haven't even been able to see

505
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,211
that wonderful movie
with the blue people in it.

506
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,362
<i>- Avatar.
- Avatar. Exactw.</i>

507
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:55,289
So you graduate in what, a year?

508
00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:57,249
Yeah, hopefully,
if I can get the money together
509
00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:58,964
for the last two semesters.

510
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:00,530
Money's tight, huh?

511
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:02,409
You know, my attitude to money is...

512
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:05,404
I'll be 22 when I graduate,
I'll owe 60 grand.

513
00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:09,644
And I did the math. I'll chase my student
debt for the next 27 years of my life.

514
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:11,927
Hey, fresh coffee back here
if you guys want some.

515
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:13,690
Oh, great. Yeah.

516
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:15,046
Coffee.

517
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,927
Oh, God. Oh, my God.

518
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,889
I owe 100 grand.

519
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,411
Sweet Jesus Christ.

520
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,248
I want to see the film
and I will see the film.

521
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,084
<i>Gary, we need to get it.
It's Five Easy Pieces.</i>

522
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,049
<i>It's 5 Broken Cameras.</i>

523
00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:34,884
- Okay, it's Broken Cameras.
- Mom, don't even bother.

524
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,281
This is gonna be
like Super Size Me all over again.

525
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,528
Why don't you guys just
go see Mamma <i>Mia!</i> again

526
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:41,204
for the 10th fucking time?

527
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:44,608
Do not swear at me, Catherine. Don't.

528
00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:47,524
Okay, look, I'm sorry.

529
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:50,251
I understand that you
are feeling attacked, babe.

530
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:52,971
And that's why I'm here with you right now.

531
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,651
I'm supposed to be
at a national security meeting,

532
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:59,088
- but you are my priority, okay?
- Okay.

533
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,640
- You hear what I'm saying?
- Yeah, I'll apologize.

534
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:02,721
Good girl.

535
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:05,081
If I can spend Thanksgiving
with Rahim and his family.

536
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:08,164
No, darling. We've got Grandma coming.

537
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:09,969
We got to smile at her and cut her Jell-O.

538
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:12,645
(CELL PHONE RINGING)

539
00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:15,691
Yeah, Sue?

540
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:17,922
Mike, if she's in the can, haul her out.

541
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,684
I don't care if she's trailing paper.

542
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,922
She can make this
if she leaves right this second.

543
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:23,525
She's currently with her daughter.

544
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:26,080
Look, Mike, man up and prioritize, okay?

545
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,527
I do it every day. Prioritize, that is.

546
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:29,886
Okay.

547
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:33,490
- What about Wednesday?
- Ahem!

548
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:36,245
Ma'am, you need to make like a snake
and get on that airplane.
549
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:37,890
Okay, but I'm in the middle

550
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,367
of an important conversation
with my daughter.

551
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,727
- So everything can be put on hold, okay?
- Okay.

552
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:45,366
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

553
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:48,284
So I have to spend
Thanksgiving with you and Memaw.

554
00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:49,725
- Yes.
- Wednesday.

555
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:51,040
Wednesday you're with your dad.

556
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:52,560
Thursday you're with me and Grandma.

557
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:55,405
Friday you can be with
the new boyfriend, okay?

558
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:56,606
And Saturday.

559
00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:59,687
If you come home on Saturday night.

560
00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:03,805
Yeah, I'll check that over with Rahim.

561
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:07,161
(SIGHS)

562
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:09,329
Okay, let's get going-

563
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,641
- You are a great negotiator.
- I know I am.

564
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:14,603
Hey. So Sue called.

565
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:16,205
Apparently she bitch-slapped Furlong.

566
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:17,566
He usually has to pay for that.

567
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,240
And we need that Catherine apology ASAP.

568
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:20,805
Okay? I can do it, you can stay here.

569
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:22,206
We'll liaise via e-mail.

570
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:24,408
Yeah. I really...

571
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,609
Actually, you know what? I would prefer it

572
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:29,330
if you were physically there.

573
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:31,323
It's, you know, an important statement.

574
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,368
You're right. It needs to happen. Let's go.

575
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,169
You're welcome.

576
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:41,171
Amiable Amy?
That is the best you could come up with?

577
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:44,050
Yeah, you know, I knew
I should have gone with Amy Whitehouse.

578
00:23:44,120 --> 00:23:45,565
It's very nice meeting you...

579
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:47,244
- it's so nice to meet you, too.
- Madam Vice President.

580
00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:50,330
Sure. What are you studying at school?

581
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:51,925
Computer science. Math minor.

582
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:53,411
Where are you headed with all that?

583
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:55,369
Hopefully, actually,
get into a government branch.

584
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:58,523
- Defense or FBI, maybe.
- Uh-huh.

585
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:00,682
- Well, I speak Farsi...
- You speak Farsi?

586
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:02,603
- Yeah.
- But you were born here?

587
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:04,808
- Yes, I was born here.
- Uh-huh. Great.

588
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:06,922
And your parents were born here?

589
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:08,968
- They were actually born in Iran in Tehran.
- Mmm-hmm.

590
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:10,451
Yeah, that's where we're from.

591
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:12,488
- Oh, I see. Tehran.
- Yeah. Yep.

592
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,404
Ma'am, General Mercer
from the Pentagon is on the phone.

593
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,608
I don't need to talk
to General Mercer right now.

594
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:20,650
- He's pretty insistent.
- I don't need a General Mercer call right now.

595
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:22,722
(WHISPERING) He's really on the phone.

596
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,643
General Mercer's on the phone.

597
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:27,610
Can you hang tight two seconds, Rahim?

598
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:28,681
General Mercer.

599
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:30,524
MERCER: <i>I'm sorry to be calling,
Madam Vice President,</i>

600
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:34,650
but we are going to be discussing
the hostage situation in around 25 minutes.

601
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,690
Do you think you can get here
or should we go ahead without you?

602
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,649
No, no, no. Don't go ahead without me.

603
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,690
- We can set up a video link from the plane.
- I'm on it. I got it.

604
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:45,001
<i>So that would work out perfectly.</i>

605
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,481
And I want Rahim to stay. I've got to...

606
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:50,325
- Rahim, stay. You, too, Catherine.
- Yeah, okay.

607
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:52,560
- Thank you, Madam Vice President.
- SELINA: Thank you.

608
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:55,322
We should actually probably go.

609
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:57,767
I have to get back to study for a midterm.

610
00:24:57,840 --> 00:24:59,842
Yeah, yeah. What are your parents' names?

611
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:04,042
- That Rahim turns out to be a nice boy.
- Yes, ma'am.

612
00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:07,010
Let's run a security check
on him and his entire family.

613
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:08,525
Yes, ma'am.

614
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:10,807
- And investigate their finances.
- Yes, ma'am.

615
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:13,247
I was actually reconsidering
my financial situation.

616
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,527
Oh, are you about to ask
me for money, Mike?

617
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,762
- I don't want to.
- No, no, no.

618
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:19,842
I thought you would
and I want to give you money.

619
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,924
- (EXHALES)
- And I have the money, so why not?

620
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:24,371
Exactly. And it's not a big...

621
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,091
Giving cash to my director
of communications,

622
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,049
do you think that that
would play well, Mike?

623
00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:31,521
- Yeah.
- No. No, it wouldn't.

624
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,329
No, ma'am.

625
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:48,045
I can't videoconference like this.

626
00:25:48,120 --> 00:25:50,202
I can't get the dent out at all.

627
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:53,011
- I look like Bozo.
- Do you want me to fix it?
628
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,128
- Do you have a blow-dryer?
- I don't.

629
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:58,289
No. Whose idea was this hat?

630
00:25:58,360 --> 00:25:59,407
Was that Dana's idea, too?

631
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:00,926
Uh-uh.

632
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:02,889
- Did you talk to her?
- We texted.

633
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:05,201
- And?
- She...

634
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:07,601
She may have mentioned the signals
to one of her girlfriends.

635
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:08,681
(GROANS)

636
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:11,248
The link to your video
conference is up, ma'am.

637
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:15,041
Gary...

638
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:19,491
I do not like to say this,

639
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:23,326
but you have truly disappointed me today.

640
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:28,049
Do you have any idea
how foolish you have made me look?

641
00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:29,690
I do.

642
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,290
I am having the best day.

643
00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:41,364
This is such a great time.

644
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:44,171
We're on Air Force Two.
US, Hey is getting started.

645
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:46,686
Guys, we saved the Florida vote.

646
00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:48,524
You guys want to play iPad <i>Scrabble?</i>

647
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:51,570
Jonah, please. Just shut up.

648
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,407
Mike, you want to

649
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,482
suck some of the pork fat out of my jacket?

650
00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,369
Come on, it's a free meal.

651
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:02,520
Hey, Lori. Does Kent
Davison still come here?

652
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:03,846
No, he left.

653
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,571
He said it was too full
of DC people or something.

654
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:08,847
I see you got a mention
in Playbook yesterday.
655
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:10,763
- Yep.
- Awesome.

656
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,889
I have a Google alert set up for your name.

657
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,566
- Wow.
- Hey, did you catch Krauthammer

658
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:18,369
in the Post about the hostage situation?

659
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:20,044
Are you the guy
that always says hi to me in the garage?

660
00:27:20,120 --> 00:27:21,451
Yeah.

661
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:23,488
Yeah, I got to do some fucking weights.

662
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:25,562
This is for rubber idiots.