Psycho-Education for Teachers: Understanding the Child Guidance Process Part 2-Skills, Techniques, and Procedures

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Kottler and Kottler (2000) define the child guidance or counseling approach as those skills that teachers need to be able to relate to students in a helpful capacity. The helping process is based on the individual needs of children, allowing teachers to respond skillfully and therapeutically to childrens social, emotional, and interpersonal challenges. Responding skillfully and therapeutically to a students social and emotional functioning means that the teacher is able to move the troubled student from a stage of confusion to some sort of problem resolution, or at least some degree of understanding (p. viii). According to the authors, the child guidance approach helps teachers help students gain better clarity of their feelings, better understanding of the motives behind their behavior, and greater resolve in following through on a plan to change their behavior. Teachers that apply child guidance skills can expect an improvement in key socio-emotional areas such as communication skills, relationships with students, and in managing discipline problems that happen frequently.

Child Guidance Skills Child guidance is a supportive process where the teacher encourages and challenges the student to solve his own emotional and behavioral issues. Focusing on the childs feelings, the teacher listens patiently and empathetically to the childs concern -briefly paraphrasing and clarifying the concern- pays attention to the students verbal messages and body language, and coaches the child in thinking clearly and rationally so that the student makes his own decisions. All child guidance skills are interpersonal skills; for example, the teacher shows that she cares by paying attention and listening to the child, accepting the childs feelings, and not judging the childs feelings or behavior. The teacher avoids arguing, giving advice, or solving the problem for the child. This way, the student feels respected, develops his own thinking and problem solving skills, and, knowing that the teacher is not judging him, expresses himself freely. The teacher tries to understand the students words and feelings by putting herself in the childs shoes, and seeing the troublesome event with the childs eyes. Then the teacher expresses her understanding to the child, creates a problem solving alliance and, if needed, helps the child develop and follow an action plan. Among the interpersonal skills that teachers use to support emotionally and influence positive behavioral change in children are: Interpersonal Sensitivity The teacher suspends her judgment, pays attention, and listens to the student in an attempt to build an open, trusting, and accepting atmosphere in which the student feels comfortable revealing and exploring feelings (Kottler and Kottler, 2000). Nichols (1995) defines sensitivity as being responsive to the feelings of others, being interested and open enough to find out, understanding the other persons perspective, and respecting the other persons individuality. Attending The simple act of paying attention to a child can be healing and therapeutic. When we pay attention to a childs concern, we give our undivided attention and interest to that child. For example, we do not grade papers and deal with the childs concern simultaneously, and we do not rush through things. Kottler and Kottler explain the interpersonal skill of attending as using our body, face, and eyes to communicate to the child, Nothing exists right now for me except you. (p. 47)

Therapeutic Listening As Nichols (1995) states, a good listener is a witness, not a filter of someone elses experience. To listen therapeutically, we need to let go what is in our mind to hear what is on the childs mind. The focus in therapeutic listening is always on the speaker (student), never on the listener (teacher). As Nichols state, our ability to listen rests on how successfully we resist the impulse to react emotionally to the position of others (p. 95). In other words, to listen actively and therapeutically to troubled, anger-prone, and/or acting out students, teachers must resist the impulse to react emotionally to what they hear children saying or see children doing. When we are listening reflectively and therapeutically, we are trying to understand what the troubled student is thinking and feeling. We listen, we observe, and we interpret verbal and nonverbal cues as we are trying to walk in the childs shoes. Even if we disapprove of the childs behavior, we respect and accept the childs feelings; we listen for feelings and try to understand the feelings contained in what the child is experiencing, not just facts or observable actions. In addition, we communicate to the student our willingness to explore the problem and the possible behavioral choices available to the child. Body Language Nonverbal communication or body language is communication without words. Our body language expresses emotions, conveys attitudes, and even reveals personality traits. A trained listener uses body language to improve understanding of what is happening in the mind (childs thoughts). The verbal and the nonverbal dimension of communication interact; accurate interpretations of messages are easier when verbal and nonverbal communication complement each other, and harder when the verbal and the nonverbal message oppose each other or are in conflict with each other. For example, the student says, I feel fine and frowns at the same time. When mixed messages happen, nonverbal communication becomes the primary tool to get additional information to clarify the situation. Among the most important nonverbal cues identified by the body language literature are facial expression, posture, eyes expression and behavior (e.g. eye contact or blinking), touch, physiologic responses (e.g. blushing), space and distance between us and the other person or proxemics, locomotion (the way we move), breathing, use of gestures, and the way we say words or paralanguage (e.g. rate, speed, pitch, tone, volume, and quality of voice). What is important in using body language to listen

therapeutically and to clarify meaning is that the way the child is expressing something may carry more significance and weight than the words she is saying. By making the students nonverbal communication clear, teachers can avoid arguments and resolve misunderstandings. Empathy Empathy is the essence of therapeutic listening. Empathy requires listening attentively and reflectively to understand what the student says and does from the childs own perspective and experience, and then conveying our understanding back to the child. Simply put, we communicate to the student that we understand what he means from his point of view. To be truly empathetic, we need to accurately perceive the meaning of the childs experience, recognize the emotional content of the experience, and attend to the childs feelings. Empathy is frequently confused with, but is not the same as, sympathy. Sympathy is a feeling of compassion or concern; we want to see the child feeling better or happier. When we sympathize, we may adopt the childs feelings as our own. In empathy, we understand and relate to the childs feelings while remaining detached. For example, How embarrassing! is a sympathetic statement, but I can see that you were embarrassed because is an empathetic expression. We can express empathy verbally or nonverbally; for example, saying, I understand or I follow you To enter into the perceptual world of the troubled child, Schaefer (1994) recommends that we ask, If I were doing _____ and saying _____, what would I probably be thinking and feeling? From Hardee (2003), we adapted for use with children the following elements of empathetic communication: 1. Recognizing the presence of a strong feeling (e.g. fear, anger, or shame) 2. Pausing to imagine how the child may be feeling 3. Stating our perception of the feeling, for example, I can imagine that you must be or You sound upset about 4. Legitimizing the childs feeling 5. Respecting the childs effort to cope with the event 6. Offering support and a collaborative alliance; for example, I am willing to work with you to or Let us see what we can do together

Rapport The key to communicate effectively and therapeutically with a troubled child is to move closer to the child both in physical space as well as in emotion. We can accomplish this by adopting an overall physical and mental state that is similar to the childs physical and mental state; in other words, we establish rapport with the child. People in rapport tend to mirror each other in posture and gesture. Like dance partners, two individuals in rapport respond and mirror each others movements and their body language is complementary (OConnor and Seymour, 2002). By matching the childs body language and gently imitating key gestures and behaviors, we can easily establish rapport; for example, a leaning forward or leaning back posture, matched breathing, crossing the arms, voice matching, the general style of movement, or hand movements. The greater the rapport we establish with the child, the greater our ability to elicit behavioral change from the child.

Child Guidance Techniques The child guidance techniques and procedures that follow aim at assisting children in selfexploration. Meier and Davis (1997) define self-exploration as the elaboration and deepening of self-awareness (identifying and recognizing emotions) and self-concept (perception of self) that happen when the child speaks about him or her. Self-exploration enhances childrens knowledge of themselves (self-knowledge), providing the information about what the child must do for behavioral change to take place, and it can be therapeutic by itself. The authors warn that we should not confuse advising children with giving information. Advice giving tells children which specific actions to perform and provides the solution. Information giving consists of facts, knowledge, and alternatives that students may find useful in their decision-making (Cormier and Cormier in Meier and Davis, 1997). Meier and Davis present the following example: Student: I am having trouble with my boyfriend. Teacher: Have you tried talking with him? (Advice giving) Teacher: Tell me about the trouble you are having. (Information giving) (p. 21) Kottler and Kottler (2000) divide child guidance into exploration and action. In the exploration phase, we use techniques such as:

Questioning Questions are the best way of getting information, and the more general the questions the better. Our questions should invite the child to tell us more and should promote talking about feelings and examine feelings; for example, How has all this made you feel? and How did you feel when that happened? Emphatic questioning goes to the source of what the student is feeling, e.g. What are you feeling at this moment? Open questions are more effective than closed questions. For example, How did you feel when that happened? (Open) invites the child to investigate her feelings, but Were you angry when she cursed? (Closed) labels the feeling for the child and the student can answer this last question with a simple yes or no. Questions should also help the student clarify her thinking; for example, What is it that you really miss about _____? and What do you mean by _____? Questions are useful in establishing the facts, for example, What happened? How did it happen? What further information we need to clarify the event? What feelings are associated with the event?

Questions should help the child develop alternative thinking (e.g. How else could you look at this or think about this? and What options do you think do you have in this situation?), and help the child initiate constructive behavior, e.g., What do you plan on doing? Paraphrasing When we paraphrase, we repeat key ideas, key thoughts, repeated themes, and strong feelings of the child. In a few words and tentatively, we restate the childs words using vocabulary and phrases that the child has used. Paraphrasing is much more than simply repeating what the student said; we are trying to capture the essence of the message by describing the feeling; for example, You appear to be feeling disappointed. Is that because _____? When we paraphrase the students words, we verify the information to make sure that we understood what the student intended to communicate (e.g. It sounds like you are saying _____ or As I understand it, you plan to). If we are accurate, the student confirms our interpretation; if we are inaccurate, we give the child the chance to clarify.

Decoding Long, Wood, and Fecser (2001) define decoding as helping the child translate her behavior into a statement about specific feelings. When we decode, we connect what the student is doing and saying to what she is feeling. For example, when Yolanda ripped her drawing after her best friend refused to share her crayons, the teacher decoded the behavior, You share your things with your friends, and when they do not do the same for you, you feel hurt and disappointed. With decoding, the teacher makes the connection for the student between the specific behavior and the associated feeling. This helps the teacher show the student how feelings may cause unwanted behavior. Gradually, the responsibility for decoding and interpreting the childs behavior shifts from the teacher to the student (self-decoding); for example, What went through your mind when Theresa refused to share her markers? Reframing Reframing is simply placing a positive spin on the problem; we reframe the childs current perception of the event or behavior, giving the student a new understanding and increasing the probability of positive behavioral change. For example, we can reframe acting-out behaviors as intense and energetic or a student that does not complete math tasks as, You are not challenged by repetitive classroom activities with little room for you to express your creativity. Good reframing presents the problem to the child in a way that seems more easily resolvable. Reflecting When we turn an observation or remark back to the student without adding our own ideas, we are reflecting (Long, Wood, and Fecser, 2001). Some examples are, It did not sound fair to you, You did not mean to hurt Randys feelings, and You feel I singled you out when the class was throwing spitballs. In reflective listening, we make no judgments, pass along no opinions, and we give no solutions to the student. We simply acknowledge the emotional content of the childs message. Kottler and Kottler (2000) divide reflections into Reflecting Content or rewording the childs message to make sure that we heard accurately; for example, (Student) Mickey keeps hitting me. He wont leave me alone and teases me all the time. (Teacher) Mickey wont get off your back no matter what you do. (p. 51) Notice that, in the example that Kottler and Kottler provide, the teacher brings the focus back to the childs own behavior. Putting the responsibility for his

feelings and behavior on the student opens a whole range of emotional and behavioral possibilities, facilitating the transition from exploration to action. Reflecting Feelings or identifying and reflecting the underlying feelings that we hear expressed. To reflect feelings, the authors recommend that we: 1. Listen carefully to subtle nuances 2. Decode deeper meanings 3. Identify accurate feelings 4. Communicate this understanding in a way that the child can accept (p. 52) To reflect the students feelings, we can use a sentence stem such as, You feel _____ because _____. Summarizing In summarizing, we reflect back the big picture; for example, So, overall, what you are saying is _____. Is that right? Alternatively, This is what I have understood so far Summarizing is a variation of paraphrasing, but in summarizing, we make sure that we tie together the main points, describe important themes, identify feelings, and connect related issues as well as key thoughts and ideas. We should always summarize at the end of mini-sections and at the end of our conversation with the child.

Child Guidance Procedures The second part in child guidance, as described by Kottler and Kottler (2000), is the action phase. To help children in the process of behavioral change, we use procedures such as: Goal Setting Goal setting is a major procedure in child guidance. As Kottler and Kottler (2000) state, goal setting helps translate an elusive, unambiguous issue or concern into concrete results. A goal helps the student in focusing his effort in a specified direction; that is, an effective behavioral goal guides the student in which path to follow (a road map). Simply telling a child, do your best or try hard is not going to do the trick. Doing your best and trying hard have no external referent and, because of lack of external reference, are useless in eliciting a specific behavior. To elicit a specific behavior from the child, it is important that we give the child a

clear view of what we expect from him. A more effective behavioral goal would be, Try to get more than 80% correct or Concentrate in beating your last time. The language in these two goals is unambiguous, behavioral, and measurable. Goals should be specific, so that the student knows what to do and what not to do (i.e. what, when, where, how often, and for how long), achievable, so that the child has the skills to reach the goal, and challenging, so that the child feels stimulated and motivated. Simply put, the goal represents the objective towards which the student is both able and willing to work. Problem Solving To teach children to recognize problems and articulate concerns, evaluate consequences, develop strategies, anticipate obstacles, and implement effective coping strategies; in other words, to teach children how to solve social problems, problem solving is a key child guidance procedure. From Bloomquist (1996), we adapted the following social problem solving steps: 1. Stop! What is the problem? (Recognition and Definition) 2. Who or what caused the problem (Description) 3. What does each person thinks and feels? (Clarification) 4. What are some plans? (Brainstorming and Planning) 5. What is the best plan? (Decision-Making) 6. Do the plan (Implementation) 7. Did the plan work? (Evaluation) Combined with goal setting, problem solving is an excellent child guidance tool to help children organize and guide their performance or behavior. Using social problem solving, the teacher presents the problem or concern to the student in a goal-directed manner and in a solvable form. To clearly link goal setting with problem solving, we can use the following outline: 1. What is my goal? 2. What steps do I need to reach my goal? Step One Step Two Step Three

Step Four

3. Did I reach my goal? (Bloomquist, 1996) Cognitive Restructuring From the rational-emotive literature, we get the cognitive restructuring procedure or confronting irrational thinking. The basic premise in the rational emotive view is that the things that happen to us do not upset us, but our view or interpretation of what happened is what upset us. According to the rational-emotive school of thought, our emotions and behavior are not merely a reaction to the environmental forces around us, but respond mainly to our thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes about our environment. In simpler terms, thinking creates emotion. Another main premise is that thinking, emotion, and behavior are interrelated; what we think and believe influence how we feel, and how we feel influence how we behave. We are able to influence behavioral change when we help children change their feelings, and children change their feelings when they modify their thinking. Ellis (1977) defines irrational thinking as any thought, emotion, or behavior that leads to selfdefeating or self-destructive consequences (self-destructive feelings and/or behavior). Irrational thinking is a consequence of irrational or illogical conclusions based on limited and/or distorted evidence, overgeneralizations (e.g. Everyone hates me!), absolutistic thinking (e.g. I will never learn long division), and catastrophic thinking (e.g. Mr. Anderson totally humiliated me when he did not select me for the basketball team. This is the worst day of my life!). The procedure of cognitive restructuring consists in helping students understand that their troubled thoughts are hypotheses, not facts, and in helping children detect, challenge, debate, discriminate, and redefine those illogical and self-defeating conclusions that they base on limited evidence and/or distorted information. We help the troubled student recognize the inconsistencies and contradictions in his thinking and behavior, and we challenge the childs irrational thinking by asking, What evidence supports your belief? In answering this question, the student debates and discriminates between his rational and irrational (logical and illogical) thinking, learning to differentiate between the good and the bad points in his behavior. When the procedure of cognitive restructuring is complete, the child has developed a new, rational definition of the problem that helps stop self-defeating generalizations and stick closer to reality

(Ellis, 1977). With a new, rational definition of the problem comes more efficient coping skills and better-adjusted behavior. Using cognitive restructuring, we help students: 1. Feel more in control over their cognitive (mental) and emotional states 2. Accept responsibility for their feelings and behavior 3. Become more analytical and logical in the way they reason using cause and effect relationships 4. Make choices about how they want to react to the things and people around them 5. Change how they feel and act by changing how they think (Kottler and Kottler, 2000)

References: Bloomquist, M. L. (1996). Skills training for children with behavior disorders: A parent and therapist guidebook. New York: Guilford Press. Ellis, A. (1977). The basic clinical theory of rational-emotive therapy. In A. Ellis & R. Grieger (Eds.), Handbook of rational-emotive therapy (pp. 3-34). New York: Springer Publishing. Hardee, J. T. (2003). An overview of empathy. The Permanente Journal, Vol 7(4), pp. 1-9. Kottler, J. A., & Kottler, E. (2000). Counseling skills for teachers. Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin Press. Long, N. J., Wood, M. M., & Fecser, F. A. (2001). Life space crisis intervention: Talking with students in conflict. Austin, Texas: Pro-Ed. Meier, S. T., & Davis, S. R. (1997). Elements of counseling, Third Edition, Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks Cole. Nichols, M. P. (1995). The lost art of listening: How learning to listen can improve relationships. New York: Guilford. OConnor, J., & Seymour, J. (2002). Introducing NLP: Psychological skills for understanding and influencing people. Hammersmith, London: Harper Element. Schaefer, C. E. (1994). How to influence children: A handbook of practical child guidance skills (Second Edition). Northvale, NJ: Jason Aronson.

About the Author

Carmen Y. Reyes, The Psycho-Educational Teacher, has more than twenty years of experience as a self-contained special education teacher, resource room teacher, and educational diagnostician. Carmen has taught at all grade levels, from kindergarten to post secondary. Carmen is an expert in the application of behavior management strategies, and in teaching students with learning or behavior problems. Her classroom background, in New York City and her native Puerto Rico, includes ten years teaching emotionally disturbed/behaviorally disordered children and four years teaching students with a learning disability or mental retardation. Carmen has a bachelors degree in psychology (University of Puerto Rico) and a masters degree in special education with a specialization in emotional disorders (Long Island University, Brooklyn: NY). She also has extensive graduate training in psychology (30+ credits). Carmen is the author of 60+ books and articles in psycho-education and in alternative teaching techniques for low-achieving students. You can read the complete collection of articles on Scribd, or her blog, The Psycho-Educational Teacher. To download free the eGuide, Persuasive Discipline: Using Power Messages and Suggestions to Influence Children Toward Positive Behavior, visit Carmens blog.