Divorce and Dating Impact 1

Divorce and Dating Impact

Shandy T Clark

Salt Lake Community College

Author Note

Page 2: Research Question

Page 2-4: Literature Review

Page 4: Methods

Page 4 : Results

Page 6 : Discussion
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In America 40-50% of first marriages end in divorce, and the rates are higher for the

second, third and so on (n.d, 2017). When researching divorce, there is extensive research done

on how it affects the children of divorced parents. When researching impacts of dating for

someone that is divorced, there was little academic research actually done. With little

information on dating for a divorced person, significant factors in their emotional life go

unnoticed. Research needs to be done about the impacts of dating on divorced. What type of

impact does being divorced have on dating?

Literature Review

Research on the specific topic of divorce impacting dating are limited, though

subcategories can be found to help one understand some of the effects of divorce. One study

emphasises how religious elements and how it plays a part in divorce rates and the process of

getting one. Another subcategory focuses single parents struggles in dating, and the impacts of

having a child while finding a mate. A third subcategory discusses having feelings for an ex

impacts views of yourself. The last study talks about online dating and the outcomes for people

looking for a serious relationship. These subcategories will lead to a better understanding of a

divorced person's emotional state. Also, they will help to address the specifics of how divorce

impacts dating.

Religion plays a huge role in marriage; people that practice tend to stay in their first

marriage. A study found that people that were married under a religious ceremony are 30% less

likely to separate over those who didn’t (Vaaler, 2009). Choosing to get a divorce can cause

strain not only at home, but also at church. Social costs are higher with couples that are part of a
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religion; this could delay or dismiss marriage separation (Vaaler, 2009). Knowing there are

higher social costs for separating for religious couples, dating after divorce could be more

difficult for these individuals.

Dating as a single parent comes with many of its own challenges and stresses. One study

found that when a woman’s dating profile picture is viewed, she is considered less attractive and

less datable when a child is posing beside her (Sommer, 2013). In today’s use of social media

and online dating, this finding can predict how tough dating can be for a single mom trying to

date online. When a mother places her child’s opinion over her own in potential dating partner,

they are more likely to have negative dating outcomes (Anderson, 2011). Dating, while being a

parent, they want their child to approve of dating partners. This can lead to having a more

difficult time trying to find a positive relationship between a new partner. From these studies, we

can see the hardships associated to these factors pose for single parents in relation to dating.

Online dating is the one of the most popular way to meet someone. 1 out of 10 Americans

online date and about 25% have found a partner or spouse through this platform (​Wiederhold,

2015)​. Having more options and hand selecting who you want to be approached by, can increase

the success rate of dating. Compared to individuals who had met their spouse traditionally, those

who found their spouse online, found higher marital satisfaction, and less likelihood of divorce

(​Wiederhold, 2015). ​With results like this, the appeal to look online after going through a divorce

makes sense to avoid going through a second.

The healing process is important to go through before finding a relationship. It takes a

while to lose feelings for someone, especially if they were your spouse. A person’s psychological

well being is poorer with the association of continued love for an ex partner (MASON, 2012).
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Taking some time to build yourself up will be more beneficial to finding a healthy relationship

down the road. After divorce, without a healing process, dating will become unsuccessful due to

a negative state of mind.

Method

In this exploratory qualitative research study, in which divorced individuals answered

questions about their dating life. Using Facebook to gather participants through snowball

sampling, as well as having professors from SLCC to distribute the survey to their students.

Males or females ages 18 and up were asked to complete a 10 question survey during November

2017. The 27 participants were asked about the impact their divorce has had on their dating life.

Finding broad themes within their responses to gather significant findings.

Results

Views on dating

Going through a divorce can skew your views on many aspects of life, one of the biggest

is dating. The Survey asked the participants whether or not their divorce had affected their view

on dating or not. Forty-four percent of the participants found that they took dating more seriously

after their divorce and were more picky about who they dated. These individuals dating again,

want to pick right and minimize the risk for a second divorce. One participant stated “It’s a lot

harder to get back out there and date. But you know the qualities you don't/do want in a partner

which is kind of the silver lining.”

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Dating before divorce finalization

How long you wait after a divorce can affect your healing processes. While some choose

to date and have relationships before finalization, 37% of the participants waited until after it

was. Many individuals found it uncomfortable, and weren’t ready to jump into the dating pool

just yet. A participant stated, “I didn't date or feel comfortable dating before my divorce was

finalized.”

Dating platforms

With 44% of the participants being the ages 18-25, dating platforms are important to

know. Fifty-six percent have used an online dating source to meet people. Out of that 56%, 30%

favored Tinder over the other online platforms. As one stated, ​ ​“Tinder mostly, I’m still barely

learning the dating platforms. It’s all new and interesting to me.”

Transition back into dating

Forty-One percent found that their transition back into dating was very difficult. Fifteen

percent found it difficult because they have children with their ex-spouse. Dating as a single

parent has been known to be more difficult, than if you weren’t. One participant states, ​ ​“The

hard part is feeling like I’m never going to meet someone because I am a mother with a lot of

baggage. It’s scary starting over and doing the process of meeting people that you could

potentially date. The easy part is There is no commitment it’s just having fun.”

Overall dating impact

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A lot of these individuals experienced a lot of trust issues after their divorce. Nineteen

percent have stated that their lack of trust was the biggest impact. One statement from the survey

was, “trusting someone has become a lot harder. It has also made me more cautious knowing that

someone can just walk away at any moment.”

Discussion

From the results, being divorced makes an impact on dating. Trust and becoming open to

dating again were the most prominent reasons why people have struggled with dating again.

Going through the results, some limitations were found that would make a stronger case to why

divorce affects dating. One of these limitations was not getting much information about how the

divorce ended and how the finalization process was handled. Having more participants would

make these results even more concrete. The majority of the participants found a negative impact

on their dating lives. These findings will help others to make a better transition into the dating

process once they file for divorce.

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References

Anderson, E. R., & Greene, S. M. (2011). “My child and I are a package deal”: Balancing adult

and child concerns in repartnering after divorce. Journal of Family Psychology, 25(5),

741–750. doi: 10.1037/a0024620.

GRAY, P. B., FRANCO, C. Y., GARCIA, J. R., GESSELMAN, A. N., & FISHER, H. E.

(2016). Romantic and dating behaviors among single parents in the United States.

Personal Relationships​, ​23​(3), 491-504. doi:10.1111/pere.12139

Kulik, L., & Heine-Cohen, E. (2011). Coping Resources, Perceived Stress and Adjustment to

Divorce Among Israeli Women: Assessing Effects. ​Journal Of Social Psychology,​

151​(1), 5-30. doi:10.1080/00224540903366453

MASON, A. E., LAW, R. W., BRYAN, A. B., PORTLEY, R. M., & SBARRA, D. A. (2012).

Facing a breakup: Electromyographic responses moderate self-concept recovery

following a romantic separation. ​Personal Relationships​, ​19​(3), 551-568.

doi:10.1111/j.1475-6811.2011.01378.x

(n.d.). Retrieved December 05, 2017, from http://www.apa.org/topics/divorce/

Sommer, S., Plumm, K. M., Terrance, C. A., & Tubré, T. (2013). Perceptions of Younger Single

Adults as a Function of Their Gender and Number of Children. ​Journal Of General

Psychology​, ​140​(2), 87-109. doi:10.1080/00221309.2013.769931

Vaaler, M. L., Ellison, C. G., & Powers, D. A. (2009). Religious Influences on the Risk of

Marital Dissolution. ​Journal Of Marriage & Family​, ​71​(4), 917-934.

doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2009.00644.x
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Wiederhold, B. K. (2015). Twenty Years of Online Dating: Current Psychology and Future

Prospects. ​Cyberpsychology, Behavior & Social Networking,​ ​18(​ 12), 695-696.

doi:10.1089/cyber.2015.29017.bkw