The vocabulary of BDSM can be intimidating to newcomers (newcummers, heh heh).

What is
your domme talking about when she tells you to to stop topping from the bottom and take off
your Zentai suit for some CBT? What, while we're at it, is a domme? So, let’s start with the
basics: “BDSM” stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and
masochism, the core pillars of kinky fun. Beyond that, there’s a whole language to describe the
consensual power exchange practices that take place under the BDSM umbrella. At press time
there’s still no “kink” on Duolingo, so here’s a handy glossary of some of the most common
BDSM terms, from A to Z.

A is for Aftercare

Aftercare is the practice of checking in with one another after a scene (or “play session,” a.k.a.,
the time in which the BDSM happens) to make sure all parties feel nice and chill about what just
went down. The dominant partner may bring the submissive ice for any bruises, but it’s
important to know that aftercare involves emotional care as well as physical. BDSM releases
endorphins, which can lead to both dominants and submissives experiencing a “drop.” Aftercare
can help prevent that. There’s often cuddling and always conversation; kinksters need love too.

B is for Bondage
Bondage is the act of tying one another up. In most cases the dominant partner is restraining the
submissive using ropes, handcuffs, Velcro, specialty hooks, clasps, or simply a belt if you’re on a
budget.

C is for CBT (Cock and Ball Torture)

In BDSM, CBT does not refer to cognitive behavioral therapy, it refers to “cock and ball torture,”
which is exactly what it sounds like: The dominant will bind, whip, or use their high-ass heels to
step on their submissive’s cock and balls to consensually torture them.

D is for D/S

D/S refers to dominance and submission, the crux of a BDSM relationship. While kinky people
can be on a spectrum (see: “Switch”), typically you’re either dominant or submissive. If you take
away one fact from this guide, it should be that even though the dominant partner in D/S
relationship may be slapping, name-calling, and spitting on the submissive, BDSM and D/S
relationships are all about erotic power exchange, not one person having power over another.
The submissive gets to set their boundaries, and everything is pre-negotiated. The submissive
likes getting slapped (see also: “Painslut”).

E is for Edgeplay

Edgeplay refers to the risky shit—the more taboo (or baddest bitch, depending on who you’re
talking to) end of the spectrum of BDSM activities. Everyone’s definition of edgeplay is a little
different, but blood or knife play is a good example. If there’s actually a chance of real physical
harm, it’s likely edgeplay. Only get bloody with a partner who knows what they’re doing without
a doubt and has been tested for STIs. You don’t have to get maimed to enjoy BDSM.

F is for Fisting

Fisting is when someone sticks their entire fist inside a vagina (or butthole). Yes, it feels good,
and no, it won’t “ruin” anything but your desire for vanilla sex. Use lube.

G is for Golden Showers

A golden shower is when you lovingly shower your partner with your piss. It’s high time for the
BDSM community reclaimed this word back from Donald Trump, who, may I remind you,
allegedly paid sex workers to pee on a bed that Obama slept in out of spite. This is not the same
thing as a golden shower. Kink is for smart people.

H is for Hard Limits

Hard limits are sexual acts that are off-limits. Everyone has their own, and you have to discuss
these boundaries before any BDSM play. Use it in a sentence: “Please do not pee on me; golden
showers are one of my hard limits.”

I is for Impact Play

Impact play refers to any impact on the body, such as spanking, caning, flogging, slapping, etc.

J is for Japanese Bondage

The most well-known type of Japanese bondage is Shibari, in which one partner ties up the
other in beautiful and intricate patterns using rope. It’s a method of restraint, but also an art
form.

K is for Knife Play

Knife play is, well, knife sex. It’s considered a form of edgeplay (our parents told us not to play
with knives for a reason.) If you do play with knives, do it with someone who truly respects you
and whom you trust. Often knife play doesn’t actually involve drawing blood, but is done more
for the psychological thrill, such as gliding a knife along a partner’s body to induce an adrenaline
rush. Call me a prude, but I wouldn’t advise it on a first Tinder date.

L is for Leather

The BDSM community enjoys leather as much as you’d expect. Leather shorts, leather paddles,
and leather corsets are popular, although increasingly kinky retailers provide vegan options for
their animal-loving geeks.

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Hotline Bling: Lakeith Stanfield and Tessa Thompson

M is for Masochist

A masochist is someone who gets off on receiving sexual pain.

N is for Needle Play

Also a form of edgeplay (blood!), needle play means using needles on a partner. Hopefully those
needles are sterile and surgical grade. Don’t do this with an idiot, please. Most professional
dommes have clients who request or are into needle play. It can involve sticking a needle
(temporarily) through an erogenous zone such as the nipple or... BACK AWAY NOW IF YOU'RE
QUEASY... the shaft of the penis.

O is for Orgasm Denial

You know how sexual anticipation is hot AF? Orgasm denial is next-level sexual anticipation for
those who love a throbbing clit or a boner that’s been hard forever just dying to get off—which is
to say, almost everyone. The dominant partner will typically bring the submissive close or to the
brink of orgasm, then stop. Repeat as necessary.

P is for Painslut

A painslut is a dope-ass submissive who knows what they want, and that’s pain, dammit.

Q is for Queening

Queening is when a woman, a.k.a. the queen you must worship, sits on your face. It’s just a glam
name for face-sitting, often used in D/S play. Sometimes the queen will sit on her submissive’s
face for like, hours.

R is for RACK

RACK stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink, which are the BDSM community guidelines on how
to make sure everyone is aware of the dangers they consent to. Another set of guidelines are the
“SSC,” which stresses keeping activities “safe, sane, and consensual.” We kinksters want
everyone to feel happy and fulfilled, and only experience pain that they desire—without actual
harm.
S is for Switch

A switch is someone who enjoys both the dominant and submissive role. Get thee a girl who can
do both.

T is for Topping From The Bottom

Topping from the bottom refers to when a bottom (sub) gets bratty and tries to control the scene
even though negotiations state they should submit. For example, a submissive male may start
yelping at his domme that she’s not making him smell her feet exactly like he wants. It can be
pretty annoying. It can also be part of the scene itself, such as if the submissive is roleplaying as a
little girl with her daddy (this is called “age play”).

U is for Urination

Urinating means peeing (duh) and aside from pissing on a submissive’s face or in their mouth
you can do other cool and consensual things with urine, like fill up an enema and inject it up
someone’s butt! I am not a medical doctor.

V is for Vanilla

Vanilla refers to someone (or sex) that is not kinky. It’s okay if you’re vanilla. You’re normal and
can still find meaningful love and relationships no matter how much society judges you.

W is for Wartenberg Wheel

A Wartenberg Wheel is a nifty little metal pinwheel that you can run over your partner’s nipples
or other erogenous zones. It looks scary, but in a fun way, like the Addams Family. It can be used
as part of medical play (doctor fetish) or just for the hell of it. Fun fact: It’s a real-life medical
device created by neurologist Robert Wartenberg to test nerve reactions, but kinksters figured
out it was good for the sex, too.

Y is for Yes!

BDSM is all about enthusiastic consent. The dominant partner won’t step on their submissive’s
head and then shove it into a toilet without a big ole’ “yes, please!”
Z is for Zentai

Zentai is a skintight Japanese body suit typically made of spandex and nylon. It can cover the
entire body, including the face. Dance teams or athletes may wear Zentai, but some people get
off on the sensation of having their entire body bound in tight fabric, and wear it for kinky
reasons.

Enjoy your new vocabulary, pervs!