Mentoring Others

By BNET Editorial
published on BNET.com 10/31/2007

Mentoring is generally considered to be an activity undertaken by someone “older and wiser” in the
same industry who acts as a role model, sponsor, guide, and adviser. Coaching, on the other hand,
can be undertaken by someone who is not necessarily in the same industry but who can ask good
questions and listen attentively to the responses. In this way, the coach acts as a sounding board as
the coachee brings his or her innate wisdom and knowledge to the surface.

A mentor may be considered, therefore, someone who shares his or her knowledge and experience,
whereas a coach may be considered someone who facilitates the birth of knowledge and experience
in another. In short, perhaps, the distinction boils down to the notion that coaches are “process”
experts while mentors are “content” experts.

What You Need to Know

How much time do I need to devote to a mentoring relationship if

it is to be productive?
There is no set rule about the time it takes to mentor someone satisfactorily. You’ll need to discuss
this with your mentee and set some boundaries about what is possible and what is not. However,
it is the quality of the relationship that matters, not the quantity of it. A good understanding of your
mentee’s challenges and good rapport can result in valuable conversations.

Do I need to be someone’s boss to be their mentor?

The mentoring relationship can exist outside the reporting line. It is often the case that a boss
becomes the mentor to one of his or her direct reports but mentoring is not the exclusive preserve
of the boss. Sometimes the mentor occupies a position one or two levels above the mentee. If you
are considering becoming the mentor to someone who reports to one of your colleagues, it may be a
good idea to discuss this with them so that they can understand the nature of the relationship and not
be threatened by it.

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I find that I don’t have the time I thought to devote to my
mentees. What can I do about this?
If you have more than one mentee, you probably have too much on your plate. This means that you
may appear to be neglecting one or other of them—which is worse than not mentoring them at all!
Have a discussion with the mentee(s) who you are unable to support and see if you can help them
find someone who has more time. It is much better to have one mentee to whom you can give your
time and commitment than several who feel neglected.

I would like to become a mentor, what can I do to develop the

skills necessary to fulfill this role properly?
Firstly, you may want to find a mentor of your own on whom you can model yourself. Gaining first
hand experience of the value of the relationship will give you a real sense of how you can help
someone else. Other than this and an honorable intention, it is a question of developing good
communication skills. You may already have these; feedback from colleagues will determine whether
this is so, but if you do not have them, you could attend a coaching training program that offers the
skills mentors need.

What to Do
It is known that those who are fortunate enough to have a good mentor are much more likely to
succeed in their careers. Mentors will ensure that you are not left vulnerable in situations that are
challenging and difficult to deal with. They will be “there for you” in thought and deed, orchestrating
things within their network to ensure that you have a safety net and that you are seen in a good light.
They will sponsor, champion and open doors for you, much as a father might do when his son or
daughter enters the same field as himself.

Mentors are usually people who have no personal agenda of their own other than to support someone
they feel has potential. Mentors often emerge from the chemistry that exists between two people;
perhaps the mentor sees something of him- or herself in the mentee and feels able to assist the
mentee to reach his or her full potential. Often too, mentors feel that this is a way of giving something
back to the industry or profession that has served them well. The relationship that a mentee has with
a mentor is very supportive and affirming, and it speeds up a mentee’s access to the political network
within an organization.

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Consider Whether You Are Right for the Job
If you seek to mentor someone with potential within your professional sphere, here are some
questions you may wish to consider before entering the relationship:

• Do you think your potential mentee has hidden potential, and do you feel able to assist him or her
in tapping this reserve?
• Does he or she have the right set of skills, which, if developed and refined, could lead to more
senior roles with greater responsibility?
• Do you feel professionally qualified to act as a guide or adviser on your mentee’s chosen career
path?
• Are you knowledgeable enough about your mentee’s style to tailor your approach in a way that will
affect his or her performance positively?
• Is your relationship in good shape and do you enjoy each other’s company?
• Do you have a valuable network that will assist your chosen mentee in fulfilling his or her career
aspirations?
• Are you able to “let go” and allow your mentee to find his or her own way—albeit within safe
boundaries?
• Are you prepared to use your influence to open doors and champion this person?
• Finally, what is your motivation for becoming a mentor? Are you being selfless or are you creating
a clone of yourself or vicariously meeting an unfulfilled ambition of your own?

Consider the Roles and Responsibilities of a Mentor

As well as asking yourself some of the questions above, when considering whether you wish to
mentor others, you might like to think about the role in more detail and see if you are able to fulfill the
following requirements. A good mentor should:

• arrange regular and purposeful meetings with clearly articulated intended outcomes;
• assist the mentee in understanding the dynamics of a situation so that he or she develops the
ability to diagnose and resolve future situations when they arise. This is in contrast to telling them
what to do;
• be prepared to honor meetings and timings as well as demonstrate that you have given attention
to the mentee’s issues;
• create an atmosphere of open and honest communication. This means asking good questions and
listening attentively to the answers, giving and receiving feedback and validating the mentee;
• give, and be prepared to receive, constructive feedback;
• permit the mentee to set the agenda and allow access when needed—within certain boundaries;

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 • set targets and challenges and ensure the mentee is accountable for meeting these challenges;
• share his or her experience—but not tell endless “war stories.” Rather this will be done gently and
in the context of the issue facing the mentee;
• share his or her influential network and represent your mentee in circles that will benefit him or
her;
• sponsor and champion the mentee when possible;
• be ready, when unable to help the mentee, to facilitate a meeting with someone who can.

Establish the Terms of the Mentoring Relationship

When you enter a mentoring relationship, it is important to establish the terms of your engagement.
Being explicit about both your expectations is a good starting point and will ensure that a successful
relationship is formed.

At your first meeting, therefore, you may want to set out the framework of your relationship and agree
to:

• the benefits you both seek and the expectations you have from the relationship;
• the style of your communication—an open, frank, and honest exchange;
• the role of feedback—both giving and receiving;
• confidentiality agreements;
• timings and regularity of meetings;
• the nature of the relationship outside the times when mentoring conversations are taking place;
• the level of access the mentee has to you between meetings.

Even though these agreements may sound very formal, they need to be made explicit so that no
misunderstandings can develop and get in the way of the relationship.

Create a Productive Relationship

There are some skills that a mentor needs that will be helpful in creating a productive and useful
relationship. These can be easily summarized as rapport-building or coaching skills. They comprise:

• asking open questions—Who? What? Where? Why? How?—These are the “tell me more”
questions;
• listening actively—suspending assumptions and judgments and allowing the full communication to
take place before responding;

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 • focusing the conversation—ensuring that it stays on track and is channeled toward the agreed
outcome;
• giving and receiving constructive feedback—Typically, this is known as the “positive sandwich.” It
begins with what you liked, proceeds with a description of the behavior you observed, and ends
with what you would like to see done differently. For example: “I think you managed the project
really well. I noticed that you became stressed when people didn’t meet their deadlines. I would
like to see more contingencies built into the plan next time”;
• winning and maintaining trust—a non-trusting relationship defeats the whole point of mentoring.
Trust is gained through personal disclosure and demonstrating commitment through action;
• summarizing agreements and actions.

Of course, this is not an exhaustive list!

All good relationships come to an end. Be aware that the fruitfulness of your relationship may diminish
over time and eventually cease altogether. Your mentee may need to move to fresh fields to progress
in his or her career. It may feel like a young adult leaving home for college, but a parting must come,
and it may signify a valuable new beginning for both of you.

What to Avoid

You Allow Personal Motivations to Interfere with the

Relationship
Some mentors invest heavily in their mentees performance and success. Perhaps they see their
mentee as a political pawn they can use for their own advantage. If the mentor has a desire to
inveigle his or her way into territory that he or she has lost or as a means of accessing information,
the relationship will turn sour and not add value to either party. It must be a “clean” relationship free
from political and power games.

You Monopolize Conversations

Mentors can use the presence and attention of mentees to reminisce and relive their finer moments.
If, as a mentor, you find that you are using most of the air time, ask yourself whether you are adding
value to the discussion or monopolizing it. Of course, it is often interesting to hear of someone’s past
experiences, but if it becomes the point of the conversation, you are doing too much of the talking.

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You Allow the Mentee to Rely Too Much on You
Mentors sometimes find that their mentees become over reliant on them and end up being a bit of a
burden. If you feel beleaguered by your mentee, try revisiting your initial agreement and renegotiate
the way forward. You may need to consider whether it is time that your mentee moved on.

You Allow Yourself to Become a Go-Between

Senior colleagues may use you as a conduit for giving your mentee feedback if it is challenging or
difficult. Make sure you do not get sucked in to being a carrier of negative messages or dealing with
situations that should be dealt with elsewhere. Be clear about your boundaries, not only with your
mentee, but with your colleagues too. If they have something to say to your mentee, encourage them
to take responsibility for saying it themselves.

Where to Learn More

Books:
Hawkins, Peter, and Nick Smith, Coaching, Mentoring and Organizational Consultancy: Supervision
and Development. Open University Press, 2006.

Flaherty, James, Coaching: Evoking Excellence in Others. Butterworth-Heinemann Limited, 2005.

Alred, Geoff, and Bob Garvey, and Richard Smith, The Mentoring Pocketbook (Management
Pocketbooks). Pocketbooks, 2006.

Clutterbuck, David, and David Megginson, Techniques for Coaching and Mentoring.
Butterworth-Heinemann Limited, 2004.

Parsloe, Eric, The Manager as Coach and Mentor (Management Shapers). Chartered Institute of
Personnel and Development, 1999.

Parsloe, Eric, and Monika Wray, Coaching & Mentoring: Practical Methods to Improve Learning.
Kogan Page, 2000.

Brounstein, Marty, Coaching and Mentoring for Dummies. Hungry Minds Incorporated, 2000.

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 Web Sites:
Center for Coaching & Mentoring: www.coachingandmentoring.com

Fast Company.com: www.fastcompany.com/articles/2001/04/cof_mentor.html

Copyright © 2007 CNET Networks, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

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