CELL COUNT
The boy and his sand castle
By Zakaria Amara
My beloved 12-year-old daughter
asked me to share my story with you.
I am having a difficult time deciding
what to write and from which point
to start. Perhaps I should begin from
the present and work my way back to
the past.
I’ve been in prison for 12 years
now. I received a Life sentence after
pleading guilty to being one of the
ringleaders in the “Toronto 18”
terror plot. Thankfully, no one was
physically hurt. I was 20 then, I am
almost 33 now. In pre-trial custody,
I was deemed a radical threat to
the inmate population and so I was
involuntarily placed in solitary con-
finement for 3 years. After receiv-
ing my sentence, I was once again
considered a radical threat and sent
to Canada’s only Super Max prison
(Usually, you have to kill or stab
someone inside to be sent there). I
spent 6 difficult years there before fi-
nally getting transferred to Millhaven
Max where I currently reside.
Based on what you just read, it is
easy to imagine me as a tough,
violent, angry man with a threatening
demeanor. The truth is that I am the
exact opposite of that image.
Guilty, I am. Radicalized I was. Yet I
still find my entire situation incred-
ibly surreal. I often go back in time
to retrace my steps and figure out
how I ended up here. Every time I
engage in this exercise, I find a young
man who was caught up in a perfect
storm of internal and external influ-
ences. The inevitability of it all is what
I find most remarkable.
INSIDE
THE
SPRING IS-
SUE
FREE - FOR PRISONERS, EX-PRISONERS & THEIR FAMILIES
After any major Terrorist attack,
there usually is a fierce debate about
what makes individuals susceptible
to Radical ideologies (Unfortunately,
this rarely occurs when the perpe-
trators are non-Muslims, e.g. Right
wing extremists in the U.S). If I had
a noose around my neck and the
only thing that could save my life
was the answer to this apparently
dumbfounding question then I would
have to say it is the emotional state of
feeling utterly worthless.
I have always felt worthless. I still
struggle with this feeling to this day.
Perhaps I feel this way because I
carry within me a strong Inner Critic
that has been ripping me apart since
childhood. Perhaps it is because I
have always felt like an outsider. You
see, even though I am a citizen of this
country, I have never felt Canadian.
That is because ever since I arrived
here as a 12-year-old boy, in my
mind, to be a real Canadian you had
to be white.
Prior to immigrating here, I lived in
my mother’s country of birth, Cyprus.
There too I felt like an outsider since
I was keenly aware that my Arab
features automatically disqualified
me from claiming to be Cypriot.
Prior to that, I lived in Saudi Arabia
where native citizens are infamous
for looking down upon all non-Sau-
dis. I still remember the words of a
Saudi boy who referred to us Pales-
tinians as “Phalas-Teezi” (A hybrid
word that combines “Palestinian”
with the Arabic word for “Ass”). The
sad fact that I was sexually molested
while living there could have only
2 3-4
BULLETIN FROM
BOARD INSIDE
intensified my feelings of worthless-
ness and inadequacy.
Even in Jordan, my own country
of birth, I never considered myself
Jordanian since I belonged to a family
that originally came to Jordan as
refugees after losing their land to the
Israeli Occupation.
Many of you have probably won-
dered why the Muslim world has pro-
duced so many Radicalized individu-
als in the modern era. Blaming Islam
for it is incredibly simplistic if not
absolutely wrong. When I look at
what the people of that region have
been going through for over 100
years, I am actually surprised that
there aren’t more Radicals not less. I
can’t imagine how utterly worthless
many of them are made to feel. The
culprits are foreign and local govern-
ments who systematically strip the
people of their dignity.
What happens to a street vendor
who can’t sell his fruits without
having to pay a bribe to a policeman?
What happens to a young man or
woman who just graduated from
university but can’t find suitable
employment because all the jobs
have been given to those with special
connections? What happens to a peo-
ple who have no say whatsoever in
how their governments are run and
are treated like cattle if not worse?
What happens to a people who have
to live under the deadly shadows of
Drones? What happens to a person
who witnesses their entire family
get wiped out by a “precise” missile
strike?
Desperate for belonging to a people
5-8
NEWS
ON THE
BLOCK
Photo by Michael Baird on Unsplash
in my teen-age years, these are the
only people I ever felt I belonged to,
and as they radicalized I radicalized
with them. Bush’s 2003 invasion of
Iraq and its resulting massacre of
hundreds of thousands of innocent
Iraqis represented the crossing of
the Radical Rubicon for me. You can
pretty much draw a straight line from
there to my arrest in 2006.
How does it feel to be radical? You
feel worthy, righteous, and heroic.
You see yourself as a saviour of your
people. Your mind is obsessed with
the injustices that they are suffering
from and that’s all you wish to talk
about. You see the world in strictly
black and white terms. Deep inside
you suspect that there may be other
colours, which subconsciously drives
you to engage in constant re-enforce-
ment of your beliefs. It is said that
those who are most dogmatic are
usually the least certain. A vivid de-
piction of this internal struggle is that
of a boy who is perpetually fortifying
the walls of a Sand Castle he built too
closely to the waves.
When I arrived at the Special Han-
dling Unit (Canada’s Super Max) I was
willing to give change a chance for
the sake of my family, but unfor-
tunately the administrators were
unresponsive. Feeling rejected once
again intensified my radical state and
I in fact became more extreme in the
SHU than I ever was outside. I adopt-
ed a standoffish attitude towards the
administrators and refused meeting
my parole officer for many years.
This state of affairs continued until
ISIS declared its Caliphate and news
11
9-10 HEALTH &
ART HARM
REDUCTION
SPRING 2018 - ISSUE #84
of its atrocities began streaming
in. Prior to ISIS, whenever innocent
people were killed, I would simply tell
myself that it was “collateral damage”
if those killed were non-Muslims, or
a “mistake” if they were Muslims.
Every atrocity committed by ISIS was
like a Tsunami that would violently
demolish my Sand Castle and leave
no trace of it behind. Yet I kept franti-
cally rushing back to rebuild it.
Eventually the hideousness of this
group led me to periods of depres-
sion that followed every massacre. At
the time, I did not see my radical ide-
ology as separate from my religion
and this caused me to fear that aban-
doning it would lead to abandoning
my faith. I also feared confronting
the reality that I may have thrown my
whole life away and brought so much
suffering upon my family for no good
cause.
Holding on became harder and hard-
er until it finally became impossible
and I simply had to let go out of
sheer disillusionment. What followed
was not a free fall into a dark abyss
of disbelief but rather a surprising
spiritual ascent that is best captured
in a poem I wrote called “Servant of
the Ever-Merciful”
If you are not as beautiful as the Sun
When it spreads its light upon the
face of lands and seas
If you do not glow as the full Moon
does
In the midst of darkness
Illuminating the way for life’s travel-
ers
If you are not as graceful as the lofty
Cont'd on page 4
12
RESOURCES
& ABOUT
PASAN
2 // bulletin board
Land Acknowledgment
PASAN's office, where we publish Cell
Count, is on the historical territory of the
Huron-Wendat, Petun, Seneca and, most
recently, the Mississaugas of the New Credit
Indigenous peoples. This territory is covered
by the Dish With One Spoon Wampum Belt
Covenant, an agreement between the Haude-
nosaunee and the Ojibwe and allied nations
to peaceably share and care for the lands
and resources around the Great Lakes.
HIV+ Client Services
In order to be a client & access these services
you need to have confirmed HIV+ status and
be a prisoner or ex-prisoner (all times Eastern
Standard time)
• Phone Hours: Mon – Fri from 9-5, except
Tuesday mornings
• Workshops and Programming - Scheduled
usually on Mondays or Thursdays, give us a
call or check out our website for a complete
list of events we have scheduled.
• ID Clinic – 1st & 3rd Thursday 1:00-2:00 every
month - for everyone.
• Release Funds - $50 (twice a year max)
• TTC Tokens – 2 each for clients who attend
workshops
• Harm Reduction Materials – Mon – Fri from
9-5, except Tuesday AM (Safer-Crack-Use-
Kits, Safer-Needle-Use-Kits, Piercing Needles,
Condoms, etc.) - for everyone.
Sometimes we and the phones are very busy so
please keep trying!
About Cell Count
PASAN publishes ‘Cell Count’, a minimum of
4 issues per year. We are based in Toronto on
the traditional territory of the Mississaugas of
New Credit First Nation, the Haudenosaunee,
the Huron-Wendat and home to many diverse
Indigenous peoples. It is sent out for FREE to
Clients & Prisoners in Canada. If you are on
the outside or part of an organization, please
consider a donation @ $20 per year. We are
proud to release our 84th issue to you. We are
also grateful for all the wonderful feedback we
have been receiving from our readers, and en-
courage you to keep putting your two cents in.
Our goal is to have most of our content written
and produced by prisoners and ex-prisoners, so
we highly encourage you to get in touch with
us if you're interested in being part of the Cell
Count team.
Publisher: PASAN
526 Richmond St E, Toronto, ON M5A 1R3
Circulation: 700+ - Recirculation: ???
All original artwork, poems and writings are the
sole/soul property of the artist and author.
Fair Dealing in the Canadian Copyright Act:
Sections 29, 29.1, 29.2: “Fair dealing for the
purpose of research, private study, education,
parody, satire, criticism, review, and news re-
porting does not infringe copyright.”
A Note about Pen Pals:
We've received a lot of calls and letters asking
about Pen Pals, and it's been difficult delivering
the sad news that we no longer have the ca-
pacity or funds to run it anymore. We know it's
been a really important piece of Cell Count, and
that it has led to some amazing connections
for our readers in the past. We really wish we
could continue it, but due to a lack of resources
it is no longer possible for us. We will continue
to keep a running list of alternative places you
can send your ads and photos, although some
come with a cost. We cannot personally vouch
for these options, so please use them at your
own discretion:
Canadian Inmates Connect: Currently, there is
a $35/year subscription. Your ad will be placed
on a website, and people with internet access
browse through to decide who to connect with.
A point of caution: you are asked to say what
you have been convicted for, and your full
name will be published online. Melissa is the
person to contact for more information. Write
or call her at: Canadian Inmates Connect Inc.
3085 Kingston Rd, Suite 267, Toronto, Ontario,
M1M 1P1 - (647) 344-3404
Black and Pink: Specifically for queer and trans
prisoners. They are based in the United States,
it does not cost anything to be part of the list,
and you don't have to tell them your convic-
tion. Here is how to reach them: Black and Pink
National Office, 614 Columbia Rd, Dorchester,
MA 02125
617.519.4387
Prison Fellowship Canada: This is a faith-
based, Christian organization that connects
prisoners with volunteers of either the same
gender, or where there is a 15-20 year age
difference. The point is for you to have an
outlet to express yourself to someone who will
listen. If you are of the Christian faith, this may
be a great option for you. You can reach them
for more info at: Prison Fellowship Canada -
National Office, 5945 Airport Road, Suite 144,
Mississauga, ON L4V 1R9
905.673.5867
Prisoner Correspondence Project: "..a sol-
idarity project for gay, lesbian, transsexual,
transgender, gendervariant, two-spirit, intersex,
bisexual and queer prisoners in Canada and the
United States, linking them with people who are
part of these same communities outside of pris-
on." - From their website. Write to them here:
QPIRG Concordia c/o Concordia University
1455 de Maisonneuve Ouest, Montreal, QC H3G
1M8
Inmate Ink: "Help us bring Hope to a prisoner
one letter at a time. Offers memberships from
$20 - $40. Your completed ad will be pub-
lished on our website for anyone in the general
public to view and contact you directly. For an
application or more info, please contact Tasha
CELL COUNT//ISSUE 84//SPRING 2018
Brown at: P.O. Box 53222 Marlborough
CRO, Calgary AB. T2A 7L9 or www.
InmateInk.ca"
If you have had success using a pen
pal service (other than ours) and would
like to share it with other Cell Count
subscribers, please write to us or call.
We can list it in a future issue.
Moving?
We were getting about 75 Cell Counts
sent back to us each mail-out labelled,
‘Not Here’. Please help us reduce our
mailing expenses by letting us know of
any address change, ASAP! Thank you
for the consideration.
Workload
PASAN has been around for over 25
years now and over the years our
client population has increased dra-
matically. As a result of this increase in
workload, clients may not be able to
spend as much time on the telephone
with staff as we would like. The staff
and volunteers are dedicated and
committed and will continue to pro-
vide the best care possible. Thanks for
your patience and understanding!
Calling all artists, writers (fic-
tion, non-fiction, short stories,
etc), illustrators, cartoonists,
poets, journalists (aspiring or
otherwise), and other creative
types:
We want your submissions! We get
lots of letters from our readers telling
us how much they love seeing all your work
and they’re hungry for more. Send us your
stuff and get published in Cell Count. When
you send us stuff, please make sure you write a
line in that gives us permission to publish your
work. Also, let us know if you would like your
work returned to you or sent on to someone
else! Please also type your work or write clearly
if you can!
Writers: We get a lot of great work sent in that
we are unable to use because of very limited
space. Apologies. Please consider the column
width & keep articles/poems tight & to the
point. Honestly, the first items to go in are the
ones that fit nicely and leave space for others
– quality and quantity! Also, let us know in
writing if it’s ok to edit your work for grammar,
spelling and so we can fit it in.
Please note: If you do send something to
us, please give us a call if you can so we can
look out for it in the mail. Also, call us again
at least a week after you send it to make sure
we got it. If not, if you're sending in a piece of
writing, we can transcribe it over the phone for
you, so keep a copy of everything you send us!
We're especially looking for submissions
from women-identified folks! Women are the
fastest-growing prisoner population in Canada,
but often their experiences are marginalized
in conversations about the prison system. We
want to hear your take on prison, life, family,
or anything else you're interested in writing
about. We can guarantee confidentiality, and
can publish your pieces under a pseudonym if
you want! Please submit your articles, poetry,
art, or letters to the Cell Count editor at 526
Richmond St E, Toronto, ON M5A 1R3 - in the
meantime, check out Concrete Blossoms on
page 5.
A note when subscribing to Cell Count
We have been notified by a few different
institutions that if you'd like your subscription
of Cell Count to make it into your hands, you
have to register at the library to receive it first.
Please do this before requesting a subscription
from us just to make sure! Also, if you are inter-
ested in subscribing please contact: Cell Count,
526 Richmond St E, Toronto, ON, M5A 1R3 or
call Sena at: 1-866-224-9978 ext 228
Prisoners Justice Day Issue Due Date!
As you have probably noticed, we have been be-
hind schedule in sending out Cell Count. We have
been trying to adjust to the volume of submis-
sions we have been receiving by expanding the
number of pages in Cell Count. As well, Sena the
editor has taken on more projects, such as visiting
federal institutions in Ontario to co-facilitate
workshops inside. So the "spring" issue is coming
out closer to early summer.
We would however, ideally like to get the
Prisoners Justice Day issue out to you all before
August 10th, so we will need your submissions
for that issue to come in by July 15th with the
last submissions being accepted at July 25th.
I know this is extremely short notice and I do
apologize for that, but I'm hoping we will be back
on track by PJD.
I am looking for art work that is PJD-related, as
well as poetry and articles. Thank you so much
for your understanding and please call if you have
questions!!
Obituary Section
After facilitating a grief and loss group at Bea-
vercreek Institution in May 2018, and hearing
from people about how grief can often be a
lonely, isolating experience for people inside,
we've decided to dedicate space in Cell Count
for obituaries, as a way to express the impor-
tance someone you may have lost had to you
and others. With this section, we hope to give
you an outlet to express your grief so you don't
have to experience it alone. You can send in
an obituary about someone you may have lost
in prison or on the outside. We will start with
a limit of 125 words per obituary and expand
based on your feedback. You can also send in
a photo or art to accompany it.
Bring PASAN to your group
Are you a PEC/APEC worker or part of a Prisoner
run group? PASAN regularly visits and holds work-
shops at prisons, if you would like to request us to
come and be a part of your work give us a call at
1-866-224-9978. It is a free call from any phone
and we would love to hear from you!
Contact Numbers
If you are in any Federal/Provincial Institution
or Detention Centre call us only with this #:
Toll-free 1-866-224-9978
ID Clinic
The Partners for Access and Identification
(PAID) project opens doors and breaks down
barriers for individuals who do not have a fixed
or permanent address.
The ID Clinics are held at PASAN on the 1st & 3rd
Thursday of each month, 1:00-2:00pm
The project operates at various sites across the
city of Toronto. The PAID project also connects
individuals and families to other services, such
as: primary health care facilities, sources for
housing, sources for food & Legal Aid.
We also provide guidance and awareness
regarding other programs that are available,
including community-based support services.
For more information, please call: Neighbour-
hood Link Support Services at 416-691-7407.
Also at the Toronto South D.C. Put in a request
to see them.
Prison Radio
KINGSTON AREA - CFRC Prison Radio airs
every Wednesday evening from 7-8pm on 101.9
FM. CFRC is the Queen's University communi-
ty radio station and every last Wednesday of
the month. CFRC can be heard from Millhaven
Institution, Collins Bay Institution, Joyceville In-
stitution, Bath Institution, Frontenac Institution,
Pittsburgh Institution, and Quinte Detention
Centre.
MONTREAL AREA – CKUT Prison Radio airs
on 90.3 FM on the second Thursday of every
month between 5-6 pm as part of the Off the
Hour show and on the fourth Friday of every
month between 11am and 12pm. It can be
heard from Bordeaux, Rivière-des-Prairies,
Centre de formation fédéral, Leclerc, Montée
St-Francois, Centre de détention pour les immi-
grants, Archambault, Sainte-Anne-des-Plaines,
and Cowansville institutions.
VANCOUVER AREA – Stark Raven Collective
runs the CFRO Prison Radio show on 100.5 FM
as part of Vancouver Co-operative Radio. It
broadcasts on the first Monday of each month
from 7-8 pm Pacific Time
HALIFAX AREA - Dalhousie University's CKDU
at 88.1 FM. Listen or call in for poetry and rap
on the Black Power Hour, which airs Wednes-
days from 1:30-2:30pm , and is co-hosted by
former Halifax poet laureate El Jones. The show
focuses on social and cultural issues relevant to
Black communities, but is open all listeners.
New Indigenous Program Coordinator
We are happy to announce that Bear Charles
has accepted the position of Indigenous
Program Coordinator here at PASAN! Please
give him a call if there are ways you think he
can support you while you are inside. To get in
touch with him, please give him a call at: 416-
920-9567 ext 235
3 // from inside
“We Rise”
By Bless
Black people rise, no matter how far
we may fall
Our pride keeps our heads high, it
keeps us standing tall
You, me, us, we are champions
With a powerful drive, strength and
ambition
They say things “used to be hard”
because of the colour of our skin
But it doesn’t seem like much has
changed since then
Racial profiling, because of how we
look, or what we’re driving
Or because we live in low-income
housing
Leaving us at a disadvantage to those
with privilege
So we learn to make due with what
we have
Through our trials, we come together
Through the struggles, we help one
another
With each other we conquer and
overcome tribulations
Elevating each other to receive God’s
blessings
Even though you may be struggling
now
Know that there is light at the end of
each and every one of your tunnels
So continue to rise, rise high like a
tower of power
Because it’s not just a hashtag, it’s
true that Black Lives Matter.
This poem is re-printed because we did not
present it in it's entirety in the last issue due to
an editing error. We deeply apologize to A.V. for
this mistake and thank you for your patience
with us.
012610
By Forgotten Warrior
Buddha girl, I was ready to ride with
you
Rob with you, get high with you and
die for you
I believed in a life with you, lived my
life for you
Held my head high, cause of you
Gave up the game for you
Lived a life I learned to love with you
And marrying you gave me pride to
be with you
Now you may have the thunder
But I be the lightning that destroys
The Cancer of Resentment
By Zakaria Amara
How could you be when all I see is
suffering?
When all I see is orphaned children
cry in pain wondering
How could you let their innocence be
robbed away in darkness
How could you let their blood flow
like endless streams it’s madness
How could you be when ones who
claim belief in you are faithless They
walk around self-righteously with
vanity it’s nonsense
They play with blood as casually as
they would with water The only thing
that’s on their mind as they awake is
slaughter
I rest my case, I end my speech and
now I sit in silence Waiting on you to
answer me if you exist your highness
I heard your words I always do and
now here is the answer You’re not
the first nor are the last to have this
common Cancer
That kills the hearts and blinds the
eyes from seeing all the wisdom In all
my works, in all my deeds through-
out my endless kingdom
When I first made your father Adam
all the Angels questioned Will you
bring forth those who kill and spread
evil corruption They failed to over-
look the many evil ones and see
A few humble hearts whose very
being is mercy
They feed the poor, they help the
weak, and heal the sick and wounded
They wipe the tears, they mend the
hearts and act as I commanded They
offer thanks and speak with words
that are always tender
And when they pray they bow their
heads in humble surrender
Had every inch of earth been filled
with every kind of crime And one
such soul remained behind I would
allow them time
Can you not see that nothing could
be without its other pair Without a
North there is no South and such are
Good and Evil I gave you all the will to
choose and thus you chose to be
And now you turn around and point
your finger blaming me
A chance to be
By Zakaria Amara
If you are sitting all alone Wondering
how life took this tum Asking yourself
what went wrong?
Wondering where all the colours
have gone Thinking now all is lost
Sensing the end is nearing fast Then
I ask you to ponder over What you
have not what you lack What you
gained not what you lost
What could be not what could’ve
been
Can’t you see my dear friend
That the wheels of life always spin
That every trial is but a chance
A chance to be who you should have
been
EMPTY
By Kyle King
This void
Swallows the noise and,
The tears that roll down my face
Victories, mistakes
Triumphs, disgrace It hurts to know
That I’m in need of this place That’s
where all the feelings I chase Go to
fester
Its there I see my Mother and, Re-
member in her time of need I left her
After I stressed her Right to her limit
To the void
Is where those feelings are living It
takes and takes
I’m giving and giving Willing so willing
Thinking its helping
This game is called death and, I’ve
been dealt in
High stakes but, Death is welcome
How can I appreciate life When I
have never had 1? There is no way to
escape The void is my destiny
TRIAL&ERROR
By Kyle King
I know what’s required I swear I’m
just tired of, Waking everyday to
Rekindle this fire but, It’s the heat of
its flame That keeps me inspired To
be great
In the face of, Being promised a day
That’s determined by fate It’s the
time and the place
That, from my mind has escaped It’s
late and,
My body needs sleep You see what
you need and,
Deny what’s beneath Ignore what’s
real and, Rely on beliefs
I hope you find what you seek What’s
lost must be found
Whether you’re searching in a cave
or, 6ft in the ground
Falling from the sky or, Getting lost in
a crowd being Drawn to the sound,
The cries and wails Pain leaves a trail
Trying to survive but, I try and,
I fail...
Thru Poetry I cry…
By Tylor Beggs (Lucky)
Thru Poetry I cry… Both Mother and I
Inside my beating heart, then trav-
eled to my mind; I just want to leave
Born from my eyes, tears came alive;
then lived and died on my cheek It’s
sorrow I reap and it’s love I seek;
Again, I weep myself to sleep. My life
as a child, consisted of no laughter
For I was the victim of two parent’s
rapture
But sometimes my mother tried to,
Love this little bastard
However, she did not prevent, our
life with the master
Instead we slowly stepped, high on
the ladder
Caught in his web, where we did not
matter
Fake video moments were crafted,
but truth never captured
For it did not show, Mother and I
being battered
I remember crying and being ground-
ed for days
Weeping away, my life into plays
I felt like a lamb, to a wolf I am prey
As Mother and I both walked,
through two shades of grey
Walking on eggshells and everyday
was the same
At night mother screamed; in the
morning she’d yell
Taking her pain out on me, because
she survived hell
Sometimes it took weeks for her to
break the spell
She’d carry the facade she was doing
fine and just well
“Make sure you stay quiet and please
don’t ever tell”
But I understood very well, why she
would need
To be alone in the house where she
would dream
“Get Out - Go Away” is what she
would scream
My presence was suffocating and she
just needed to breathe
“A ride or more money” - Gimme
Gimme to me -
Just for today, won’t you just let me
be
And why the fuck do I never hear the
word PLEASE?”
So I would leave - and alone again I
would be
My poppa always sang of the birds
and the bees
to my Mom, to my cousins, he would
sing it to we
“Tell me a story, tell me a story,
Tell me a story, before I go to bed”
Now Grama’n’Grampa and aunt, are
all fuckin’ dead
Just like my soul that I sold, or maybe
the devil stole
But gone is gone and that much I
know
I say bad things ya know, everything’s
wrong
Sometimes I wish, that it was me
gone
Like I am being missed - I never get
kissed
I was the second, retarded born kid
Yesterday I was a child, today I am
old, ugly and grown
And I have so much pain, inside of
my brain and deep
in my bones
Wooden spoons, the belt, and fists
were even thrown
Hey mom, your black eye matches
my bloody nose
This is our story of two Sad and Sorry
Souls
And it does not matter who got it
more
Because in my house, abuse was a
chore
And I was the only kid that Abuse
didn’t ignore
So now my dreams consist, of one
wish, to have never
been born
I drown in the liquor I make outta
sugar and corn
All I am is a shadow, so there’s no
need to mourn
For where is my Princess, to love and
adorn
Now all I am is a convict, that once
was a child who could never do
wrong No excuses are sung, as I cry
through my song
A broken life lived too long, you can
see it in my
Sad blue eyes
Thru Poetry I cry… both Mother and I
Tock
By Larry Cardinal –
Sometimes my eyes deceive me
My eyes play make-believe with me
Sometimes I go blind
Looking at the sunshine
Then I can’t find
CELL COUNT//ISSUE 84//SPRING 2018
Anyone to believe in me
So no matter how hard I try
People still ask me why
Sometimes time stands still
Most times, time flies by
No time to kill
No matter what
My eyes always seem blurry
Like a voice
Where nobody hears me
Not unless I scream
And with eyes
It’s never what it seems
To be…
Unless it’s truly a sight
To see…
And then we’re in trouble
And then it’s time to pretend
We couldn’t see it all
Too blind to see to stand
From pedestals we’ll fall
AHHHHH…
Oh, don’t worry as no matter
We would never ever perish
We wouldn’t die no way
No need for early graves
On time, the manner, place
…On times from years as days
Oh
By Larry Cardinal
An eerie shape
Forms from a cloud’s shadow
Upon a wall of myth
Who is it with?
And who has not
Only a stars lines
We’ll decide what time
A prophet will be right
And even more at night
As Eve devoured the fruit
Now we use it to compute
If 13 is bad luck
Then what is our Lord
A fruit we can’t afford
As fruition incites pride
That eerie shape
A weary sight
And so I lied
To sheep as flock
As wolves at night
As loaves multiply
And wine
From rain
And blood
To life…
And on
I’m all that’s left
By Jeremy Hall
Here I am balancing on the edge of
all that’s left.
You’ve never seen me vulnerable like
this,
& even though it hurts -
I clench my teeth down on my fist
My heart beats wildly in my chest
My eyes Burn Bright
I’m all that’s left.
The horizon burns in front of me
The wind beats on my back
My heart is on the loose and I know
There’s no getting it back
False Hope
By Jeremy Hall
There is no forever baby
Every night dies with the morning
sun
There is no forever babe
No matter what
Every dream comes undone.
Forget about forever baby
Press your red hot lips to the barrel
of my smoking gun
Fuck the dream about forever babe
Fuck it all & fuck everyone!
There is no forever, baby.
There is no forever for anyone.
True Beauty
By Zakaria Amara
How often have you seen a man
whose beauty brings delight
yet whose ugly character
makes you run with fright
how often have you seen a girl
whose looks are not so fine
yet each word that leaves her lips
makes the whole world shine
Truly Free
By Patrick J.M. Dowdell
You can lock a person up in an Insti-
tution physically
But mentally and spiritually it is
ourselves
That hold this key
To this fine line of sanity or insanity!
To let them control this would be a
loss, but when you are in control, it is
a victory
Because within us is a vault contain-
ing our greatest memories
And it is these memories that can get
us through even our darkest of days
Whistling in Prison
By Philipe Poisson
Whistling? Why write about whis-
tling? Who cares about whistling?
You’d be surprised. Most federal
inmates (about 85%, say) know the
answer to these questions. And for
those of you who don’t know, here’s
the answer, that could just save your
life...
Back in the old days when inmates
were sentenced to death in prison,
they were put on the infamous
“Death Row.”
Death row was a hard life. From
what I’ve read and from what I’ve
been told, death row inmates were
locked down 23 hours a day, 7 days
a week. Every day they were offered
one hour outside, and every other
day, a 15-minute shower.
If you went into death row at a
very old age, then you had it all right
cuz you were knocking at death’s
door anyways. But if you went into
death row in your 20s or 30s, well
good luck buddy; you had a lot of
years ahead of you.
You are allowed a television in
your cell, as well as a pen, paper,
commissary (what is canteen now-
adays), books, jigsaw puzzles... And
cigarettes. You could smoke back
then.
And, although you were living in
an age where hangings were not
happening anymore, lethal injection
wasn’t happening yet. You are sat
in a straight-back chair, imagine
this if you will, your arms and legs
are strapped to the chair and a wet
sponge is placed on your head,
followed by a metal bowl with leather
straps and it’s strapped under your
chin.
You look straight ahead into a
windowed observation room with
wooden chairs lined up like bleachers
at a football game. And it’s not just
anyone sitting there. You’re looking
into the faces of those who love you:
mother, father, brother, sister, wife
and... God forbid, your children.
And the whole time all of this is
happening: your last meal (whatev-
er you wanted, within reason), last
smoke, walking out your cell down
the hall and into the electric chair
where they strap you in and, looking
into your loved ones faces, the whole
time, that one guard who always
loved you for this or that reason, is
whistling away as if he’s on a Sunday
stroll through the park.
Back then it was like getting
punched in the face again, and again,
and again. And being unable to do
anything about it.
The the whistling stops. In walks
a priest to give you your last rites of
passage and to hear your last confes-
sion. Then he leaves.
And then you’re no more, as the
guard throws the switch and 20,000
volts of electricity course through
your body.
Every time someone whistles,
whether it be a guard or fellow
inmate, remember all your friends
or family who have passed away that
you have cared about. And imagine it
was one of them sitting in that elec-
tric chair. While imagining this, I dare
you to whistle and not feel anger or
disgust with yourself.
That, is why we don’t whistle in jail.
4 // from inside
Sand Castle
con't from cover story
Clouds
Spreading shade over life’s scorched
inhabitants
Raining water upon their parched lips
Bringing life to their dead lands
Then I am afraid
You have misunderstood
What it means to be
A servant of God
I felt liberated to finally be able to
see the world in its true colours. This
feeling only intensified as I slowly
took the shackles off one by one. This
process began a few years ago and
continues to this day.
How do I view my experience? De-
spite its hardships and painful losses,
I see it as a blessing. Sometimes I tell
myself that I am acquiring a PHD in
Life Studies from the University of
the Incarcerated. I live a very mean-
ingful life despite living behind bars
and I am incredibly optimistic about
my future. To God I am ever grateful
for all of this.
I ask the Canadian public to forgive
me for betraying their trust and
welcoming arms.
I ask the Muslim community to
forgive me for causing them so much
apprehension by helping to cast
them under a dark cloud of suspi-
cion.
I ask my dear parents to forgive me
for breaking their hearts.
I ask my brother and sister to forgive
me for causing them so much stress
and sadness.
I ask my ex-wife whose loss I never
recovered from, to forgive me for
abandoning her and devastating her
in such a way.
I ask her entire family to forgive me
for turning their lives upside down.
I ask all the young men who became
involved because of me to forgive me
for everything.
I ask their families for forgiveness
as well.
Last but not least, I ask my beloved
daughter to forgive me for leaving
her without a father. Princess, when
I see you in my dreams I hold you in
my arms and weep, and weep, and
weep ‘till I wake. Beloved, knowing
what I know now, if I could go back in
time to be with you, I would be there
in a heartbeat. But grieve no more,
for I once heard that “the Truth shall
set you free”...
Now I know that what I heard is true.
TIME SHARE
By Gregory J. McMaster
For the second consecutive year, my
wife and I spent Christmas together
in what Heidi affectionately calls
our Time Share in Eastern Ontario.
Actually, it’s a small three-bedroom
duplex with a living room, kitchen
and full bath. The duplex is in a shel-
tered spot, off the beaten path, far
away from the frenzy of vacationers
and holiday party enthusiasts. It’s not
entirely isolated, there are several
duplexes just like it nearby so we
do have neighbors. Although the
neighbors are different each time, we
all have one thing in common due to
our similar situations.
Heidi and I utilize our Time Share
twice a year for a much-needed week
of intimacy. For the rest of the year,
we live apart, separated by several
thousand miles. Essentially, we have
the classic long-distance relationship,
though we stay in constant contact
through phone calls and letters.
Heidi is a lawyer, an Appellant
Specialist in the hectic arena of
Criminal Law. Her daily life is filled
with snarling Judges, conniving
Prosecutors and prisoners desperate
to have their Appeals heard. Heidi’s
work often leaves her feeling as if the
weight of the world is resting upon
her 5’10” willowy frame. When we
walk through the front door of our
Time Share I can see the wear and
tear melt away.
Once we unpack and put the
groceries away Heidi and I kick back
and relax without a single concern. In
between the cuddling and passionate
love making we eat whatever strikes
our fancy.
We both enjoy cooking and each
day the heavenly smells of seasonal
delights permeate every room. Apple
pie, oven roasted turkey, Scottish
short bread and chocolate chip cook-
ies are all on the menu. Every day
life doesn’t afford us the opportunity
for these luxuries so we tend to go all
out when we get the chance.
Under the circumstances, we natural-
ly treasure our private time togeth-
er, particularly during the holiday
season. Simple acts, routine with
couples who live together full time,
like snuggling on the couch or playing
Scrabble at the kitchen table, take on
a whole new meaning for us. In fact,
during our Christmas vacation, Heidi
and I spend more time together than
most couples would in two months.
We’re together every minute of the
day, 24 hours a day, for the entire
week. Some might consider that a
nightmare, but for us, it’s Utopia. We
become so caught up in ourselves
and our special time together that we
continuously forget where we are.
At set intervals the kitchen phone
rings three times per day, this being
the only intrusion on our solitude.
We exchange a knowing look as I pick
up the receiver. The conversation
never varies.
“Hello?”
“McMaster, you and your visitor
step out for count.”
“Yeah, sure.”
And I hang up. The communica-
tions are always short, if not sweet.
We put on our bathrobes, push open
the screen door and step out onto
the small cement porch. Standing
under the watchful eye of the gun
tower’s surveillance cameras, we wait
for the guard to make his rounds. It’s
count time at Collins Bay Peniten-
tiary.
As a Lifer with 22 years of incarcer-
ation under my belt I’m accustomed
to it all, but I often wonder how Heidi
internalizes the sights before us. The
gun tower resembles the turret of a
castle and is so close it could be hit
with an apple. The massive perim-
eter wall, with its razor wire, looms
directly in front of us. Our small
yard, caged in, with a padlocked gate,
rounds off the picture. We exchange
niceties with the prisoner and his
family next door through the open
links of the fence that separates us.
They’ve received the same abrupt
phone call. And, though we can’t see
them, there are four other prison-
ers stepping out onto small cement
porches with their loved ones, wait-
ing to be counted.
There is a total of six Private Family
Visiting trailers at Collins Bay. We call
them trailers, but in reality, they’re
small duplexes, all huddled together
in one comer of the prison. They are
surprisingly nice considering their
location. Heidi and I affectionately
refer to Trailer #6 as our Time Share.
During this trip Heidi and I hung
homemade decorations, watched the
first big snowfall of the season, and
set out treats for the family of mice
that live under the sidewalk. We
cuddled in the living room, watched
rented videos, listened to some of
our favourite music and, worked to-
gether in the kitchen on devilish food
fantasies. On clear nights, I would
carry the living-room reclining chair
outside to watch the moon and stars.
For two decades, I had never seen
the twinkling of a star or watched
the moon as it traversed the night-
time sky, so I find myself naturally
mesmerized by these celestial gifts.
To celebrate the last full moon of the
millennium, Heidi sat bundled up in
my lap as we roasted marshmallows
over the flaming hibachi. For Heidi
and I, the true spirit of Christmas is
the giving of ourselves to each other.
All too soon, our time together is
over. With our happiness comes the
distinct sense of pain and depression
that follows each of our separations.
We shed our tears. and bury the ache
deep inside as we remind ourselves
that our cup is half full, not half
empty. The wonderful memories of
this time will sustain us until we’re
together again this summer.
Conjugal visits are often seen by the
public as an indulgence to prisoners,
but I can emphatically state that our
week-long visits have changed my
life. They put an end to 19 years of
enforced celibacy, and have allowed
me to re-enter the realm of human
beings. Those 19 years without
companionship, or the simple act of
human affection expressed through
a caress, had a devastating affect on
me. Before my first trailer with Heidi,
my self-respect had been based on
being a solid, stand-up con. That’s all
I could aspire to be in this concrete
and steel fortress. It helped me
survive, but that’s all it did. It’s not ex-
actly something that will impress the
Parole Board. But now I’m proud to
say, I’m just a man, a man who feels,
shares, gives and loves. Heidi and I
had to wait seven years for our first
opportunity to be alone. Now we only
wait six months. It’s still a long time,
but not the eternity it used to be.
I’ll be applying for Parole in 2002, 24
years after I first walked through the
front doors of a maximum-security
penitentiary. There is nothing in life
that could have prepared me, or
anyone else, for this inconceivable
journey known as a Life Sentence.
Ironically, it was within prison that
I found the skills, humanity and
compassion necessary for my suc-
cessful re-integration into society.
Over the years I made many of the
necessary changes on my own, but
I never would have evolved into a
fully rounded human being without
the benefit of a loving partner and
accessibility to the Private Visiting
Family Program.
For those that would criticize con-
jugal visitation, l would suggest they
re-think their conclusions. A man can
walk out the front door of a peniten-
tiary with a belief system based on
being a solid con, or he can return to
that special place called home, where
he’ll find stability, support and a com-
mitted partner. It shouldn’t be too
hard to figure out who you’d rather
have walking the streets and living in
your neighborhood.
Untitled
By Kyle King
We refuse to acknowledge the right
in a way that promotes recognition
and insist on accepting the wrong
giving the illusion that it’s the norm.
Ask yourself when the people that
appear to be the strong pick on the
weak who should be wearing what
shoe? The strong are supposed to
protect the weak not victimize them
which begs the question if it’s done
as a show of strength the person
with the bad intention is most likely
trying to bring someone down to
their level. The bottomless pit of
scum sucking hatred for oneself and
everything around you that you feel
that the only way to make yourself
feel better is to be as ignorant and
insufferable as you can be.
It’s not only what you say it’s how
and just as important where and
to whom you say it to. Words my
friends are as painful as any physical
blow.
If we construct the wall strong
and high enough you’ll isolate
yourself. Isolation is dangerous it’s
written so much in history yet we
repeat the same practices of the
CELL COUNT//ISSUE 84//SPRING 2018
foolish men, generations and even
kings of the past. In a nutshell what
they’ve taught us is that we all need
somebody: the shoulder to cry, ear to
listen or the security a hug provides
when we feel lonely.
It is fear that inhibits us and sets
internal limitations hindering us from
seeing people for what they are.
Their true intentions whether they
have your best interest at heart or
their ulterior motives. Differentiat-
ing between someone having good
intention and bad is important and
should never be confused.
Know your friends and recognize
your enemies. Understand and ac-
cept the people in your life that may
be different from you they’re still
your friends and there for you and
your perception of them shouldn’t
change because you choose to
ignore the writing on the wall.
Never make an enemy of a friend
because there is no limit to which
they’ll go to show you the mistake
you made. Cherish what you have
because to lose it could mean losing
everything.
Only the strong survive they say
but sometimes you need 2 play the
sucker to create a sucker and falling
into the trap could be your demise.
Don’t fall victim to pride and the
thought of how you’re perceived by
others.
WARRIOR
By Nolan R. Turcotte
I am from...
the bloodline of Revolutionaries
the ones who got their plots hon-
oured in the cemeteries
they’re alive in my veins but forever
buried
can’t call bullshit on this one...
Louis Riel the greatest Metis known
to mankind
Who’s great-great-great-great grand-
father was Sioux war chief Standing
Moose from Minnesota?
MINE!!!
Rising up for Our People’s in my family
tree
So I smudge and thank Creator just for
planting the seed...
As I sit and ask myself, “Why follow
when I can lead?
Why run when I can bleed? Why eat
when I can feed? Why take what I
don’t need?”
And the answer is, “I come from a
loyal breed.”
My name is Stands with the Wolves
and I’m an Indigenous man with an
ingenious plan. I’m willing to vision
quest and protest against what’s
against Our teachings from Our land!
I ride for what is right
If I fall when I fight I will get up and
fight harder
I could use a tomahawk but I think
my mind’s a little sharper...
I’ve been called heartless
but my heart goes out to every Mur-
dered and Missing Indigenous son
and daughter...
I find it ironic how I’m a leader, but
I’m following in the footsteps of my
ancestors.
Those are big moccasins to fill
I got a big buffalo to kill But still...
I will.
Whether the results are minor or
major I’m still playing my part
One thing I can promise, I won’t stop
once I start...
My voice will be heard like a drum
But actions speak louder than words
So my acts will be seen like the artifacts
Discovered under Mother Earth…
I am from…
The bloodline of Warriors.
ORIGINAL SAVAGES, Part 1
By Nolan R. Turcotte
They’re calling us savages... they’re
calling us savages...but they are the
savages... They’re the ones killing our
women and raping our children and
stealing our land
My name is Stands with the Wolves and
I’m taking a stand
I come from the Kopahawakenum Band
Fuck Parliament they eliminate hope
Word to the rope around Louis Riel’s
throat!
They weakened us with diseases,
alcohol, diabetes, false treaties...
then conquered us because they
couldn’t win in a fair fight, forced us to
believe in Jesus!
They disrespected the Mother that’s
beneath us
and slaughtered buffalo, to control the
way they would feed us, Mistreat us!
They made it look like we needed them
but they need us...
To feel superior, important, we were
peaceful, they were morbid
We only took what we needed they
wanted more of it...
to make profit, they were greedy, they
“gifted” us with sugar, then they sugar
coated those treaties
We offered them tobacco and squash
and taught them how to trap beaver
They gave us guns so we can kill each
other...not to make hunting easier
The trees we used to make tipis were
chopped down so they could make
books
That way they can say to the future
generations that we were the crooks
We gave to them, they took from us,
now tell me who’s truly crooked!?
A portion of the Black Hills was trans-
formed into four ugly ass faces of the
white race after they took it.
Was that racist? I don’t care.
They created racism in the first place.
I practice Truth because Turtle Island’s
my birthplace!
ets O
nTwe
Priso
An idea developed by Jeff Craig
Cell Count contributor Jeff Craig
came up with "Prison Tweets." A
"tweet" is a super short quote,
shoutout, piece of wisdom, thought,
update, or anything you can come
up with! Mail us or call with a tweet,
and you might see it in an upcoming
issue. Let's see what you got!
Kyle King Tweet
+ Appreciate what you have before it
becomes what you had.
Nick Paccione Tweets
+ Keep in mind that whenever you
undermine another person's hu-
manity by, say, calling or referring to
that person as a cunt, a pig, a fag, or
a n----r, you lose a part of your own
humanity in the process."
+ Whatever you give your attention
to, you give power to. So be very
careful what you give your attention
to, and be very smart by giving it to
kindness and positive change."
Forgotten Warrior Tweets
+ We learn what we live & we live
what we learn
+ You first have to do you and the
right things will fall into place
+ When I left all I took with me was
my scars
+ You cannot kill what you did not
create
+ This is where dreams & nightmares
begin
+ I know you’re mind altering, but are
you life changing
+ The love that I lost wasn’t worth
what it cost
+ I’m not here to love my twisted soul
into your life
+ Days turn into nights, nights into
years
+ My horizon is limited to the next
day’s struggles
5 // news on the block
What's New in Prison News?
Needle exchanges coming to 2
Canadian prisons
By Rafferty Baker
CBC News, May 14, 2018
Inmates at two federal prisons who
use injection drugs will have access
to clean syringes beginning in June,
with the Correctional Service of Cana-
da planning to roll out the service at
other institutions next year.
The correctional service has pre-
viously made needles available for
inmates with diabetes who require
insulin and for people needing
EpiPens, but this is the first time drug
users in Canadian prisons will have
access to clean needles.
"Correctional Service Canada's
prison needle exchange program
is an initiative that will strengthen
ongoing efforts to address infectious
diseases in federal penitentiaries and
in our communities," said interim
commissioner Anne Kelly in a written
statement on Monday.
Phase 1 of the needle exchange
program will begin with one men's
institution, the Atlantic Institution in
Renous, N.B., as well as one women's
facility, the Grand Valley Institution in
Kitchener, Ont.
A correctional service spokesper-
son said the prisons were selected
because they have the highest rates
of injection drug use and needle
sharing, based on routinely gathered
health information.
According to the service, HIV rates
in prison are 200 times higher than in
the general population, and hepatitis
C rates are 260 times higher. For
both diseases, the rate within prisons
has decreased considerably in the
past 10 years.
Long overdue, advocate says
The announcement was welcomed
by harm reduction advocates on
Monday.
Sandra Ka Hon Chu is director of
research and advocacy with the
Canadian HIV/AIDS Legal Network.
She said the plan to make clean nee-
dles available in two institutions is a
positive step, but that it should have
come two decades ago.
The organization is one of five
groups and individuals that launched
a lawsuit against the correctional ser-
vice in 2012. Chu claims the lack of
clean injection equipment is a denial
of prisoners' rights to health.
"It's been over five years [since the
lawsuit was launched] and I think this
is sort of the tragedy — in that five-
plus years, numerous people have
been infected with HIV and hepatitis
C," she said.
Prison report urges needle ex-
change programs
Lawsuit seeks needle exchange pro-
grams for prisons
According to Chu, prisoners who
use injection drugs go to great
lengths to create and share make-
shift syringes, sometimes made out
of things like pens..
"It's quite terrible," she said. "I've
heard stories from prisoners using
one needle that's been used by 30
or 40, up to 50 people, just shared
because there's so little access."
Chu said she's concerned about the
needle exchange model the cor-
rectional service is planning to use,
which requires inmates to return a
needle to get a new one. She said
there should be a diversity of needle
distribution models, and making
prisoners hand in a syringe to obtain
a clean one reduces overall access.
Prison guards object
The Union of Canadian Correctional
Officers said in a written statement
that it is concerned about the launch
of the needle exchange programs in
two prisons, which it claims are being
implemented without new training
or safety measures for correctional
officers.
"This program represents a
dangerous turning point. Correc-
tional Service Canada has decided
to close its eyes to drug trafficking
in our institutions. It has chosen to
encourage criminal activity inside the
walls instead of investing in the care
and treatment of inmates who are
drug addicts or carriers of infectious
disease," union president Jason
Godin said.
"We are also wondering what's
happening with CSC's zero-tolerance
policy on drugs?"
Godin expressed confusion about
the role of correctional officers who
witness inmates using the needles to
inject contraband drugs, and wheth-
er they're expected to intervene, or
permit drug use.
He also claimed the new program
will be a threat to officers and put
inmates' lives at risk with the risk of
overdose, and that the correctional
service's role should be to continue
to reduce the supply of drugs.
According to the correctional ser-
vice, "The safety and security of staff,
the public and inmates are of utmost
importance when making decisions
about CSC programs and policy."
Will Hamilton's jail death
inquest bring change? Law-
yer fears another 'toothless'
response
By Dan Taekema, CBC News, May
22, 2018
A lawyer who has appeared at
several inquests into the deaths of
Ontario inmates says the massive
examination of eight overdose
deaths at Hamilton's jail may not
produce the change family members
hope for.
After a six-week inquest, the jury pro-
vided a list of 62 recommendations
for the Ministry of Community Safety
and Correctional Services on Friday,
and family members said they were
hopeful the inquest would mean
their loved ones didn't die in vain.
But Kevin Egan, who represented
the family of one of the victims at
the Hamilton inquest, said he has his
doubts the government will listen.
"There was a certain level of eupho-
ria after such extensive recommen-
dations from the jury Friday," said
the lawyer. "I really hate to burst
anyone's bubble, but it may not
mean anything.
Egan speaks from experience.
He said one of the recommendations
— the need for real-time monitor-
ing of surveillance cameras — was
something he's seen suggested at
two other inquests, first in 2011 and
again in 2015.
The Ministry of Community Safety
and Correctional Services didn't end
up adopting it in either case.
"They basically ignore [inquests] or
feel no compulsion to respond," said
Egan. "There's no guarantee of any
kind of meaningful response."
In a statement to CBC News, ministry
spokesperson Andrew Morrison
rejected the lawyer's claim, writing,
"Recommendations from inquests
over the years have led to numerous
positive steps in developing new
policies and procedures."
Inmates openly used drugs
During the inquest, the jury heard
how inmates, including Marty Tykoliz
(Egan represented his family), openly
snorted drugs off a table in a day
room of the Barton Street jail. Video
evidence also showed inmates using
string as a "fishing line" to pass
something between two cells over
the course of several hours.
On Friday the jury called for better
video equipment, including mon-
itors and cameras that would be
monitored by staff in "real-time" in
order to detect "high-risk situations
that involve the presence or use of
contraband."
Egan said he's been waiting for
real-time monitoring in Ontario's
jails since a 2011 inquest into the
death of Kenneth Randall Drysdale
who was killed at the Elgin-Middlesex
Detention Centre (EMDC).
That was the first time Egan saw
real-time monitoring as a recommen-
dation.
During the 2015 inquest into the sui-
cide Keith Patterson, another inmate
at EMDC whose death was caught
on camera, real-time monitoring was
again recommended.
"The [ministry] basically ignores
inquests or feels no compulsion to
respond," said Egan. "There's no
guarantee of any kind of meaningful
response."
Ministry has already made changes
Morrison said the ministry already
made several changes to the way
things are done at the Hamil-
ton-Wentworth Detention Centre
during the inquest process, including
making overdose-antidote naloxone
available in all correctional facilities
for suspected overdoses and setting
up a dedicated team to search cells
and collect information about contra-
band at the Hamilton jail.
"Coroner's inquests contribute to
that ongoing work and the ministry
carefully reviews jury inquest recom-
mendations directed at the ministry
and strive to implement changes to
improve its policies," he added.
Here's a look at some of the other
recommendations the ministry will
consider:
•Increased canine searches.
•Upgrades to surveillance cameras
and real-time monitoring of inmates.
•Creating inmate check lists and logs
to track relevant information about
health and history when it comes to
contraband.
•Reopening the jail's gym to inmates
with four dedicated recreational
officers.
•Providing CPR training to interested
inmates.
Protesters want better commu-
nity support, not bigger jail
By Tom Spears, Ottawa Citizen, April
27, 2018
A year ago, Ontario announced
that Ottawa and Thunder Bay would
get bigger jails after years of over-
crowding in the current jails.
The Ministry of Community Safety
and Correctional Services arranged
to meet some community groups in
Ottawa Friday, but postponed that
meeting a few days ago.
Instead, several dozen protesters
stood near the downtown Marriott
Hotel at Kent and Sparks streets,
where the meeting was scheduled to
take place, to voice opposition to a
bigger jail.
They say the problem lies in putting
too many people in jail in the first
place. Most of the prisoners at
OCDC are awaiting trial, not serving
sentences.
“Building community requires
doing more to address inequalities
contributing to social harm,” said
Justin Piché, a criminology professor
from the University of Ottawa. “Jail
expansion takes resources away
from this work.”
The money should be spent on
treating drug addiction and giving
support to people who have none in
this city, he said.
In her early 20s Charlotte Smith
was in and out of OCDC. She was
homeless and was taking drugs.
Now 29, she is finishing degree at
Carleton University and says that
help through Rideauwood Addiction
and Family Services did what the jail
could never do for her.
“There’s a perception in society
that criminals are bad people who
do bad things and they get what they
deserve,” she said.
“I didn’t see bad, evil people (in
jail). I saw wives, mothers, daughters,
CELL COUNT//ISSUE 84//SPRING 2018
people with families waiting for them
on the outside, and some people
who had not a single soul waiting for
them or who cared about them.”
The jail did nothing to help her
overcome her life of living from crisis
to crisis, she said.
“Help is not what you get in OCDC.
We couldn’t access mental health
supports, housing supports, (or)
supports for addiction.
“I didn’t meet a single person there
who didn’t have a strong desire to
change their life but there was simply
no help … And you can’t solve it in
jail. When you’re released, you are
worse than when you went in.”
Smith said she began to feel that
there was a steel wall separating her
from “decent society,” a feeling she
overcame only when Rideauwood
counsellors spent a year helping her
fight addiction, find stable housing
and eventually get back into school.
“We’ve organized this event today
so that different community groups
can come forward and talk about dif-
ferent alternatives to incarceration,”
said Lydia Dobson from the Criminal-
ization and Punishment Education
Project.
“There are going to be a lot more
beds in the new jail, and what we
would like them to focus on is in-
stead of putting more people in jail,
looking at different ways to prevent
people from ending up in jail.
Supreme Court rules prison
risk assessment tools may dis-
criminate against Indigenous
people
By Alex McKeen, StarMetro Vancou-
ver, June 13, 2018
A Métis man who has been incar-
cerated in Canada for over 30 years
feels he may finally have a fair shot at
parole, and escorted temporary ab-
sences from prison after a Supreme
Court of Canada decision Wednes-
day threw a wrench in Correctional
Services Canada’s use of statistical
risk assessment tools, concluding the
practice may discriminate against
Indigenous inmates.
Jeffrey Ewert, who was raised in
Surrey, B.C., is serving two concur-
rent life sentences for second-degree
murder, attempted murder and
escape from custody.
The high court accepts Jeffrey
Ewert’s challenge of assessment
techniques to gauge the risk of reof-
fending and potential for violence.
The high court accepts Jeffrey Ewert’s
challenge of assessment techniques
to gauge the risk of reoffending and
potential for violence.
As is procedure for Canadian
inmates, he participated in a number
of “risk assessment” tests adminis-
tered by Correctional Services Cana-
da when his incarceration began.
Those tests included the Hare
Psychopathy Checklist (PCLR) and the
Static-99 test for sex offenders, which
are designed to predict an inmate’s
risk to public safety based on person-
al characteristics and crime history.
The tests are used to help Cor-
rectional Services determine things
like whether the inmate should go
to minimum, medium, or maximum
security prison, and when they are
eligible for parole.
But the validity of using those tools
to predict risk for Indigenous offend-
ers has been in question for decades,
largely because of a lack of research
testing their applicability among
Indigenous inmates, whose repre-
sentation in adult federal prisons was
nine times that of their representa-
tion in the public in 2014-2015.
In a case brought by Ewert and sup-
ported by the BC Civil Liberties Asso-
ciation and the Union of B.C. Indian
Chiefs, three levels of court heard
that Correctional Service of Canada
knew the tests may not be valid at
predicting Indigenous offender risk
as early as 2000.
Canada’s top court Wednesday, in a
7-2 decision, found that use of these
tools for Indigenous inmates may be
discriminatory, because Correctional
Services Canada had, in Ewert’s case,
failed to fulfil its obligation to ensure
it used the most accurate infor-
mation possible to make decisions
about inmates.
The majority of the Supreme Court
found that obligation extended to
ensuring the reliability of the assess-
ment tools themselves. In the same
decision, the court found Ewert did
not prove that his Charter rights had
been violated due to the use of the
tests.
A spokesperson from Correctional
Services Canada said the department
“is reviewing the decision and will
determine next steps.”
Jason Gratl, Ewert’s lawyer in the
case, said the department will have
both immediate and medium-term
obligations as a result of the deci-
sion.
“The immediate concrete obligation
is to conduct statistical research to
assess the validity of these tools as
applied to Indigenous inmates,” he
said in an interview with StarMetro.
Then Correctional Services will have
to determine to what extent, if at all,
it will use the assessment tools for
determining Indigenous inmate risk
in the future.
The Supreme Court decision’s
implications extend beyond the
assessment tools, Gratl said. It also
confirms that Correctional Services
Canada has “a broad obligation to
remedy historic injustices against In-
digenous people and work to remedi-
ate overrepresentation of Indigenous
inmates.”
That obligation comes from the
Corrections and Conditional Releases
Act, which directs Correctional Ser-
vices Canada to “advance substantive
equality in correctional outcomes for
Indigenous offenders,” the decision
found.
The decision was welcomed by the
Union of British Columbia Indian
Chiefs, which released a statement
saying it had intervened in the case
in order to ask the court to ensure
the Gladue principles — which
require courts to consider the unique
circumstances of Indigenous people
— extend to prisons too.
“Today’s decision is a step forward
in the fight to reduce the over-incar-
ceration of our people,” said Chief
Bob Chamberlin, UBCIC vice-presi-
dent in the statement.
With files from The Canadian Press.
Summary of Report on Health
care in provincial correction-
al facilities
By Brendan Arnott, May 3, 2018
This is a summary of a submission by the Canadian
HIV/AIDS Legal Network, HALCO and PASAN
This report says that we need to
• Implement needle and syringe
programs;
• Offer opioid substitution therapy
for anyone who needs it
• Give direct access to naloxone for
all
• Offer training that gives the facts
about HIV
• Never segregate prisoners for any
reason
• Develop a program for safe tattoo-
ing in prisons
• Offer people with severe chronic
pain the equal treatment they'd get
in the community
Health care in provincial prisons:
This report looks at 3 major strate-
gies to improve the health of people
in prisons. Legally, prisoners deserve
the same level of health care that's
available in the community, but the
Continued on page 9
6 // news on the block
Part II: “Why” Restorative Justice?
Photo by Katy Belcher on Unsplash
Hello fellow sentient beings,
Welcome to part two of my Restorative
Justice article...
By Michael Hector
I think I should once again mention
that I am in no way advocating an
end to Retributive Justice, I genuinely
believe that the two (Restorative
and Retributive Justice) should move
together through our Justice system.
The reason I say together, is quite
simple. I believe that we cannot have
or find Justice without balance and
we will never find balance with the
implementation of only one or the
other. Now having said that I think it
only fair, at this point, that I qualify
the word simple.
Just this past week I started a new
Restorative Justice Principles group
with the Chaplain from the minimum
side of our institution (BCI). In that
session as we began discussions on
just what Restorative Justice is by
breaking down the words Restorative
and Justice, in doing so, some of the
discussion brought to light, that the
principals, as they are, seem “simple”.
This is where we need to make the
distinction between “simple” and
“easy”, because as we have learned,
simple and easy may seem the same
but there are many times when
something may be “simple” to under-
stand but not necessarily be “easy”
Taking care of yourself when you're LGBTQ2S and in prison
Good day “Cell Count” readers, last
issue I received the honour to see my
article “sticking up for my LGBTQ2S
community” in print and now I am
proud to say that my article was very
well received. I was approached by
many friends, peers and strangers
and congratulated, high fived and
had my ego stroked.
To the ones who I thought were
friends and ignore me – “grow up”.
And to the (only) one to walk past
me outside the gym and pointed his
finger at me in a mock gun position
and pulled the trigger – LOL… “trix are
for kids” and you do not scare me.
Now! On to important matters. As
I sit here in my cell with my beautiful
trans cell partner, I am listening to
Slipknot’s first album with a million
things swirling in my head, and
most importantly I’d like all to know
that my new drug is activism and
non-profits and I love the fact that
my voice can be used to help or save
someone. I’m here for my community
1000% and I’ve got a ton of riends
who know how important my word
is to me.
So, since PASAN published my last
article, my LGBTQ2S group grew by 7.
To some, 7 may not seem like much,
but in this joke of a prison, with the
homophobic population running the
show, 7 is awesome and I am super
proud of those 7. Next step, a Pride
event this summer and a paid advo-
cate and support position.
If other joints don’t have an
LGBTQ2S group and you are like me
and want to start one, it’s easier than
you think. Put a request in to “Social
Development” and a second into the
to do. This is an extremely important
distinction to be made when going
through the Principles of Restorative
Justice. So hold that thought we will
come back to this in a few minutes.
The question today is “WHY” Restor-
ative Justice?
Restorative Justice should be the
go to, because it was how we, as a
species, meted out Justice before we
became too big as a society to handle
our own difficulties and frailties.
Again, this is not a panacea and may
not necessarily be the first step in a
crime as horrendous as murder but
I can assure you, even in that case, it
could be invaluable one day. But let’s
start this discussion with an example
of a break and enter.
A man breaks into a house and
steals some of the homeowners’
valuables. Let us first focus on the
victim of this crime, as we should.
Only a few days later, the perpetrator
of the crime is arrested and placed in
custody for the Break and Enter. Only
some of the items stolen have been
recovered and the victim has to place
a claim with his/her insurance com-
pany. Keep in mind this is a second-
ary thought for the victim up until
the point of the perpetrator being
caught because until he is caught
the victim fears that the person
may come back. Think of how that
might feel because that is one of the
mitigating factors when it comes to
deciding Restorative Justice is some-
thing that should be utilised in this
situation.
Here is where we start to apply the
principles of simple vs easy. Some of
what comes next may be simple in
principle but I can assure you from
both sides of this equation it is not
easy. And, I will leave it up to you as
an individual to decide the value.
Let us get back to the problem at
hand, the victim has experienced fear
and now that the criminal has been
caught, does that end the victim's
fear? Unfortunately, it is only the
beginning. Sure there is a moment
warden stating that you don’t wish
any special treatment, you’d just like
to start an LGBTQ2S support group
so that the community in your prison
has somewhere to vent, to ask for
help, to feel safe or to find others like
yourself so others know that they are
not alone. It’s no different than any
other group, no matter if it’s BIFA or
Euro-Canadian, etc. You are entitled
to this privilege just like all the other
groups.
Then write a proposal covering why
you think cons would benefit from
such a group. Anything you hold close
to your heart is feasible, don’t be
afraid to open up and try to get a list
of signatures from friends, confidants
and others who would support this
idea, this would be very helpful in
your struggle.
The rest boys and girls will fall into
place, it’s a human rights issue, trust
me, CSC wants to refuse you. I en-
courage you if you care considering
this – like any other race, community,
where the victim is relieved to know
the perpetrator has been caught and
even somewhat relieved to get some
of his/her things returned but what is
to follow?
The person who committed the
crime is now “in the system.” The
victim is able to observe some of the
process but inevitably, the perpetra-
tor of the crime is going to be dealt
with by people who are being paid
to mete out “Justice”. They have no
real connection to the crime, other
than to decide, “What law has been
broken, Who did it and What do they
deserve?” At the end of this process
how is the victim reassured? How is
the victim able to move on without
fearing retribution? Why would the
victim fear retribution, you ask? Well,
it really is a matter of how Retributive
Justice is meted out. The victim and
the perpetrator of the crime have not
really had any contact to this point
and this lends itself to the fact that
the victim has no way of knowing if being a victim of a crime.
the perpetrator feels any animosity
toward the victim for having been
arrested. Is that a rational thought?
I can’t tell you because I have only
been on the perpetrator’s side of this
equation but I know from numerous
conversations that it is something
that the victim goes through and fear
no matter the motivation is in many
ways debilitating. But let us move
through this scenario to the point
where the perpetrator has been
found guilty given a chance to apolo-
gise to the victim (through the court),
and he does. If for no other reason
than to be able to move on and it
was something that was expected of
him, according to his lawyer. Now he
receives his sentence, and is sent to
a facility to do his time. The victim is
still left to wonder if the perpetrator
will come back after he gets out? The
victim may also be wondering if the
person who broke into their house
is going to get the punishment/help
they deserve. This depends on the
victims personal perceptions. Some-
religion or belief, it’s not OK to hurt or
belittle us. Our suffering falls in line
with all others who have suffered.
Our pain does not play second fiddle
to anything and just how racism
spews bullshit and cowardly non-
sense, so does homophobic hatred
and violence. If someone doesn’t un-
derstand our hearts and minds work,
that’s OK. Just ask, just don’t listen to
the uneducated, cowardly haters.
Before I move on with my raging
and raving, I’d like to give a shout-
out and a silent hug to a couple of
cons that have passed away as of
late. Stephen Hill, Mike “Fallsy” Fall
and “The Henke” brothers. You will
be missed, you are loved and thank
you for being a part of my life. Now,
moving on to all my sexually active
cons in federal custody. On the mar-
ket right now is a medication called
“Truvada” (PrEP). At first it was used
as a treatment for HIV. I think it was
simply a part of the cocktail given to
patients. But now, through science,
CELL COUNT//ISSUE 84//SPRING 2018
thing I can mention at this point is
that there is not too much available
for the perpetrator inside the system
to give them a better chance to
succeed upon release (compared to
a couple of decades ago) but that will
be a discussion for a different article.
There is no way to know if the victim
will ever get closure when it comes
to being the victim of a break and
enter and in that, no way to know if
the fear will ever completely go away
with time. We also can’t know if the
debilitation created through fear is
going to have a lasting effect on how
they interact with family, friends and
people they come into contact with
in passing. I can tell you from the nu-
merous conversations and an abun-
dance of literature that there are
considerable effects to all of these
interactions that I have mentioned,
due to fear. Please keep in mind that
this is only one of the many variables
that can be perpetuated through
Now let us consider for a short
time the difference if we infuse
Restorative Justice into this equation
by using the Three Pillars; “Who
has been harmed, What are their
needs, and Who’s obligation is it?”
We know who has been harmed
and what their needs are as well we
know who’s obligation it is. It really
is simple in this case to figure all
three of those things out, isn’t it? But
remember earlier when I mentioned
simple versus easy? Well here we
are, it is just that simple to figure out
the answer to all three Pillars but it
is not that easy. We know who has
been harmed and how it happened.
We think we have an idea of what the
victim needs, now that we know that
the victim is fearful of the perpe-
trator possibly coming back. And
we know without a doubt that the
person who broke into the house is
obligated to do something to make
amends for their transgression. The
not so easy part of this equation is to
somehow try to bring the “stakehold-
Photo by not brittany shh pls on Unsplash
testing, etc…yada yada, it proves to
be a good preventative medication.
Like condoms and everything in this
world, there is never a guarantee.
But! Truvada has proved itself able
to prevent the transmission of HIV-1.
Great strides have come in fighting
this disease, and now a preventative
medicine even.
Speaking from experience, the side
effects are minimal to none (on me
at least). I am negative, I am also on
Truvada and intend to continue it.
Now! Does CSC cover it? YES! They do
and don’t let them tell you differently.
Only 2 more things I’d like to
touch on, the first being “PASAN/
Cell Count”. Listen! These people
have helped me and held my hand
through a ton of shit over the last 14
years. Every call returned, every letter
as well, and every question answered.
If you think being outed in Collins
Bay by some mail thief that read my
mail was easy, I’m here to tell you
differently…But some super sick
ers” together so they can come to
some form of reconciliation. Perhaps
the person who broke into the house
will need to repair any damage that
was done, maybe some added yard
work to help make up for some of
the pain of suffering (Yes I said that
right: of not and). As well an opportu-
nity to apologise for all the victim was
put through and within the apology
the victim might get to hear why or
how the perpetrator ended up in a
situation that could allow them to do
something so hurtful to another
person. This in turn affords the per-
petrator an opportunity to gain some
insight into how much pain they have
caused in just one shameful act.
Will this be the end of crime for this
particular person? I don’t know but I
do know that we have been able to
give some emotional and physical
relief to the victim and in the process
and we have also saved the taxpay-
ers a considerable sum of money. So
regardless of your motivation Restor-
ative Justice can bring considerably
more to the table of Justice.
I would be remiss not to mention
that there will be times when one or
both parties have no interest in Re-
storative Justice and when that is the
case Retributive justice will have to
do. However, I hope I have been able
to help you to see how Restorative
Justice is able to bring so much more
to the Justice table and its value to all
of us as a Community.
As I sign off for a second time, I
would like to tell you that I owe my
new found sense of community
to my involvement in Restorative
Justice. As well, the principals I have
learned from my involvement in
various Restorative Justice Groups
are principles I use in my everyday
life. There is something powerful and
prized to living Restoratively. Which
is something I endeavour to share
at every opportunity and if you have
read my first article on Restorative
Justice you can see (I hope) just how
much that means to me and “why”.
friends and PASAN got me through
and to the level of Pride I now am at,
so if you can ever give back to PASAN
or help in any way…Do so!
Last item on today’s (this issue’s)
rant. Homo-/transphobia is not a dis-
ease. I don’t feel sorry or respect any
of them. It is a learned or followed
behaviour. At best, in my eyes, some-
one can be confused or just not quite
understand homosexuality, but are
willing to try to. But, you wanna talk
shit about me/us, jump and hurt me/
us or belittle or assault us, then that
is not confused nor is it a disease.
It is the behaviour of a coward or a
follower who doesn’t have a mind
of their own. Like I’ve said a million
times before: “I am kind and gener-
ous, I’m not a rat or sexual predator
and I don’t have a debt in any joint in
Canada or anywhere else.” Beyond
that, my word is fucking gold. Those
are the points I should be judged
upon. As a gay man, and as much as
I got picked on and beat up because
I am gay…I’m still alive for a reason.
I am not afraid of anyone and am
proud to be the man that I am. We all
should be.
Something that just popped into
my head – sorry, last thing I prom-
ise – there is no such thing as gay
for pay or gay for the stay. Male or
female, if you have any kind of sexual
contact with a member of the same
sex; if you, or they cum and it is truly
consensual, you are bicurious at
best… True story my phobic friends.
Just cuz it rhymes doesn’t mean it’s
true LMFAO.
Stand Tall Stand Proud, You’re not
alone.
7 // news on the block
Black History
in America
By Christ Kennedy
The civil war that devastated the
fledgling American republic and
ravaged its countryside resulted in
southern reconstruction, the KKK, Jim
Crow laws and black emancipation.
Yet a century later African Americans
had only traded their iron shackles
for the shackles of poverty. America’s
black leaders rose up and spoke out.
Men like Elijah Mohammad, John
Lewis and Martin Luther King, Jr. took
center stage in a fight for a better life,
better housing, jobs, health care and
education in what history calls the
Civil Rights movement, a movement
that united the black community in a
fight for equal rights.
The police brutality that erupted
into L.A.’s Watt’s Riot incited Huey
Newton and his Black Panther Party
to take advantage of California’s
open-carry laws to arm themselves
and intimidate the police to ensure
that black men were not brutalized
during routine arrests. Rather than
destroying their own neighborhoods
in riot, they demanded better hous-
ing, education and freedom from
police brutality while remaining with-
in the law. The Black Panther Party’s
community mindedness, which had
been previously adopted by black
gangsters as fierce as Chicago’s Vice
Lords in the 1950s, brought badly
needed lunch programs and health
clinics to their neighbourhoods.
While the sons of WWII veterans
were needed to fight in the jungles
of Vietnam, black celebrities began
to rise for their due of acclaim. And
when Corporate America compared
the threat of teenagers being influ-
enced by black artists like Fats Dom-
ino, James Brown or Chuck Berry, to
seeing leaders such as an articulate
black militant like Malcolm X or an
educated leader as charismatic
as Martin Luther King, Jr. and his
powerful ‘I had a Dream’ speeches,
‘My Ding-a-Ling’ won the contest and
‘Johnny B. Goode, who never ever
learned to read or write so well’ be-
came the cultural images approved
by the white corporate promoters,
just as Malcolm X had recognised
when he said that black people were
“scientifically manoeuvred by the
white man into a life of poverty”.
As James H. Cone reports, it was
the fear of a Black Muslim uprising
that kept Malcolm X from destruction
at the hands of white Americans who
loathed the thought of an organised
and educated black tide in America.
The northern black perspective of
Malcolm X’s militant and violent call
to arms is what made Martin Luther
King, Jr.’s southern pacifist mes-
sage palatable but when Malcolm
X criticized capitalism, his bombed
out home and other gentle warnings
became lethal. In the age of McCa-
rthyism, Roosevelt’s New Deal had
Corporate America, feeling neutered
by the sudden appearance of the
EPA & SEC, co-opt Christian America
into painting socialist programs that
help the poor, as a sin against God’s
8th Commandment, ‘thou shalt not
steal’ and that a poor man decry-
ing his poverty committed the sin
of coveting his neighbour’s house.
While Republican President Dwight
Eisenhower, and his pillar of strength
Jerry Falwell, gave the Koch brothers’
message of greed a Christian bent,
Malcolm X could speak against Chris-
tianity calling it a tool used to enslave
black people and not suffer too dire
a reprimand from the white man. But
when Malcolm spoke of ‘capitalist
blood-suckers’ in November 1964,
the Nation of Islam’s estranged and
continued on p. 8
Dead Memoriez #2
By Forgotten Warrior
I just stepped outta the cab, here
I was Main & Hastingz, one summer
day heading 2 count 4 a soft case. I
ran into one of the girlz I knew from
the dope housez of east hastingz
street. I was clean & sober, had a nice
house. My friend, she had been up 2
many dayz. I ran across her heading
2 court, she was up 2 long, looking 2
nest up. I asked her if she wanted 2
forward 2 Nanaimo 2 the house I was
renting out, and have a rest from the
game, get a grip on her health, and
get some much-needed rest.
Now this was a rider! A money
maker, a solid Katty who had a heart
of gold. Her and I used 2 sit in the bar
and have deep conversationz 4 hourz
for the life we led. She was one of the
many who you couldn’t judge by the
lookz, her sad story was the same
one thatz occurring every day across
Klanada. Every day dirtbagz are de-
stroying beautiful innocent livez and
feeding the shreetz lost soulz.
I alwayz reminded her of her
brainz, how connected she was 2
social issuez. We’d do a smash of
down, hit a hotel room and nod out
2gether, talkin and talkin and more
talkin, alwayz talkin, about every-
thing, about the streetz, the trickz
who were dangerous, the dope, who
had good, who to stay away from,
then about our own livez, what was
goin on. It was as beautiful 2 know
someone so deep and trust with no
questionz. I was her sounding board,
someone who wasn’t alwayz trying
some way 2 get something from her.
Her friendship, companionship was
enough.
She was always someone who no
matter what, could always have a
good conversation, a breath of fresh
air in the streetz so when I asked her
if she’d forward 2 my crib, she was
2 deep in the dope. Had me spend
Love & Generosity
By Grizzly Bear
All my life I have loved with all my
heart, mind, body and soul. Every woman
I have been with you see, loving people
comes naturally to me, like breathing.
When I fall for a girl I fall hard and truthful-
ly. I have had many relationships - most
have ended or been put on hold due to
me going to jail or prison, some I have
started when on the run from the law on
my way to jail. A few could be considered
like Bonnie & Clyde type relationships,
where it ends up with me in the back seat
of a cop car, and in court, taking all the
charges for the lucky girl I was with.
In all my years of crime, love and pain, I
have broken a few hearts. Mine for years
was shattered and I built a brick wall out of
the pieces and put it around what was left
of my heart. There are still a lot of those
girls grown into women & ladies who
have families of their own, that still hold a
soft spot for me in their heart, others are
still in love with me, but all of them still
miss me. You might read this and think
the day with her gettin into deep
topicz while we were high. After we
spent the day 2gether, she spoke
of forwarding to the crib on the
next trip 2 court, so I gave my girl a
big hug, a kiss and told her that no
matter what, that she was loved and
always had a place 2 chill any time
she wanted it. Just page me and it all
be good.
So then the day forwarded 4 me 2
hit court once again and after hit the
bar lookin for my friend, well nobody
seen her around, here I am wander-
ing the block paging peepz. Then I
saw it, taped 2 a telephone pole – her
picture, her information, her pres-
ence! All down 2 wordz on a paper
taped 2 a pole in a city of sorrow and
pain. Another dead memory in my
head the pain and loss of true friendz
– the friendz we lost, true friendz,
peepz who were old school, depend-
able and good 2 their word- gone
unjustly. Gone before their time,
many friendz and family left behind
2 bare the pain of their loss, the loss
of friends that are never 4gotten,
the hurt of wordz left unsaid, doubt
of wondering if enough was done 2
prevent their fate.
Another friend gone, another
dead memory within my head,
dead memoriez that will never be
forgotten or eased by time, always
in my thoughtz every year round the
time whe went gone, so much pain 2
much 2 express! Just no way in put-
ting it into wordz, always tell those
in your life what you feel, what they
mean 2 you. Don’t hold back you
never know what fate might hold,
love when you can love and never let
go of love cuz there may come a time
when 2morrow may never come.
Then itz 2 late, and lastly 2 all of our
Native women, you will never be
forgotten, you touched 2 many livez
with your power. Respect always my
Red sisterz – Forgotten Warrior xxx
I’m conceited but it’s the truth. Why? Cuz
I treated them all with love and respect.
In some cases I was the knight in rusted
armour that saved them from trouble or
a bad boyfriend or abusive father or took
them away from their troubled life for a
time and treated them like royalty and
showed them a great time. My generosity
has no bounds, even though most of my
money came from crime or drug dealing,
I still spent it with or on all the “friends’
around me. I share everything, even today,
11 years into a 24 year sentence in a Max
Prison, I am kind, respectful and generous
with what I do & have. I wear my heart
on my sleeve, my right arm is covered in
tattoos of family members, some lost to
the sky, some still struggling in the streets,
others have been blessed with kids and a
family of their own.
You see the way the Roussau family
was raised is to be polite, respectful, and
to never raise a hand to a woman or be
disrespectful to elders, or anyone. In truth,
even in my life, I was still the guy to help
with carrying someone’s heavy bag or to
open the door for an old lady. I’m quick
CELL COUNT//ISSUE 84//SPRING 2018
concrete blossoms
A column for self-identi-
fied women, genderqueer
and non-binary folks.
By Mary Ellen Young
This photo is of me. I’m 37. I’ve
lived in Winnipeg, Crosslake, and
Bloodvein, Manitoba and can speak
both the Soto and Cree languages.
Because my parents went off to
university while I was at a young age,
I lived with my auntie. There was a
lot of abuse in my auntie’s home,
and to escape it I’d go to my granny’s
place to tell her, or I’d just run away
completely. My cousins would be
sent to look for me but they could
never find me.
When my mom finally came back
I was so relieved and happy. During
this time, my mom enrolled me in a
school where I met the daughter of
one of the teachers. The daughter
was a fancy dancer and she taught
me how to do it too! It became my
dream to get an outfit, regalia and
dance at a Pow Wow. I finally went to
one in Sioux Valley! I had a beautiful
fancy dance outfit that my Granny
made for me and I won first place!
This was the happiest I’d ever been
growing up.
Things started to get worse after
my mother decided to leave my
father. When I was 11 or 12 and living
in Crosslake, I saw my mom at our
home rushing around packing stuff
up. She told us to get in the car. I
hid in a bush instead because I didn’t
want to leave my dad alone like that.
She called out my name and looked
for me but I didn’t come out. So, she
drove off. I went inside to tell my dad
that mom had left him with the other
kids and our things, but that I had
stayed. My father is an alcoholic to
this day, and during the year I stayed
with him, while he was out drinking, I
would drink and smoke weed.
Eventually, my mother came back
and took me to Winnipeg. I contin-
with a smile and a “good morning” or
“good day”. In fact, I have learned to say
“good morning” and “good night” in 10
languages.
When it comes to love & generosity, I’m
loyal to both. I love to a fault and will liter-
ally give the shirt off my back to someone
in need. I have put others first my whole
life. I have taken charges and done most
of my life in prison for crimes that were in
some ways to “help” my friends. This last
sentence almost cost me my life, in more
ways than I can write. When I love, I love
ued to drink and smoke weed. I’d
also hang out at an arcade called Las
Vegas and a bar called Club Morocco.
I met people quickly when I hung
out at these places and it wasn’t
long before I got involved with gang
members and their house parties. I
ran in these circles for some years
until I got pregnant for the first time
at age 15. I got my own place and
lived on my own until I was 17. I was
independent, and eventually I had 5
kids. I have two grandchildren now.
The father of my first kids took off
to Saskatchewan when I was 18. He
took the kids with him without telling
me. I waited for them at home and
when I realized they weren’t coming
back, I cried and cried. He never even
called.
I went out to a bar and ended up
meeting a guy named Shortman. I
told him I wanted weed but he said
he only had some back at his place,
so I went there with him. I ended up
with a crack pipe in my mouth. We
also ended up in a relationship for
the next several months. Once all of
his dope and money dried up, to the
point where he couldn’t pay the rent,
he told me I had to find somewhere
else to stay.
At this point I went off to the
street, where I saw how girls made
money as sex workers. I wanted
crack, so when I guy called me over I
agreed to stay at his place with him
for the night. The next day I was on
my own again, so I built up the ener-
gy to become a sex worker. I told my-
self that it’s so simple and that I could
do this. I would stand on the corner
and get picked up, do my thing, and
get paid. I didn’t mind it for awhile. It
felt like easy money and I met lots of
cool people in the drug scene. There
were a few close encounters where I
almost died though. One guy sexually
assaulted me and threatened to kill
me when he was done. He told me
he had killed before. He tried to kill
me but I defended myself and luckily
survived.
I have an appeal coming up and
am going for manslaughter. I would
get out after time served, maybe in a
year or less. I don’t want to go back
to the same lifestyle. I’ve never had
a job or even a driver’s license. I hav-
en’t finished school either. All I know
is straight street life. I only know
how to make fast money. I want to
learn to live a different way though
because I don’t want to come back
here. Thanks for reading my story,
I hope you learned a little bit about
me from it.
hard, when I’m in love I love my life and
all around me, love is one of the most
powerful feelings one can feel.
The love of a mother to a child is one of
the most cherished and unconditional, like
a diamond. The love of a father to a son is
one that can and will stay true, like a rock.
The love of siblings is love of respect, trust,
faith, built stronger with time, troubles
and tribulations. The love of a husband &
wife is only one step away from the love
of your life. The love of God should be the
love of your life.
8 // news on the block
Harm, State Intervention & a New Social Order-Let’s Talk
By Nick Paccione
The other day I received from a
friend a letter containing a question
for me to ponder. I offered a re-
sponse with which I was, and remain
dissatisfied. In further thinking about
the matter, I realized how relevant it
was to complex issues dealing with
both personal and social trans-
formation and how much I could
potentially learn from you, and we
from one another. You will therefore
find below both the question and my
response, in relation to which you
are invited to share your thoughts
and ideas, whether through a printed
article or a letter sent directly to me
at the address provided.
Question
This question is about Ella [not real
name], who is a poor, brown trans-
woman who’s been around for over
10 years in the queer & activist com-
munities. Ella has sexually assaulted
and harassed numerous women
during these years. She targets
queer, feminist women because of
their unwillingness to report violence
at the hands of a poor transwoman
of colour. The survivors have dis-
closed their experiences anonymous-
ly to a few organizations who tried
to enact restorative justice methods
instead of resorting to the injustice
system, but Ella’s always played coy.
When privately confronted about her
actions, she minimizes everything
and shifts the topic to her own expe-
rience with oppression.
No accountability methods have
worked. The police are not an option
because it would mean discrimina-
tion and violence, which has been my
own experience with the police as a
white, middle-class transwoman and
activist - so imagine someone like
Ella! Plus, I’m an abolitionist.
The only idea we’ve had is to shun
A look at Black History in the United States of America
cont'd from page 7
wayward son was assassinated in
February, before the end of the next
financial quarter.
That left Martin to travel north
with his dream and finally witness
the truth about desegregation and
equality in the squalor of Malcolm’s
nightmare of black Chicago, Detroit
and New York. His soft stance on
communism became a cry for Dem-
ocratic Socialism when he criticized
America for spending $500,000 to
kill one foreign enemy in Vietnam
while refusing to spend more than
$50 to raise one American child out
of poverty predicting that “the nation
would be destroyed by its own moral
contradictions”.
With Malcolm’s rhetoric silenced,
Martin’s recent warming to Dem-
ocratic Socialism would soon see
him shot. The day after he was shot,
the memory of the Watt’s Riot still
fresh, James Brown’s Boston Garden
concert was televised nationwide
by the Johnson administration to
manoeuvre the black community into
staying home to watch the concert
on TV rather than protest in the
streets. Anyone who may have been
inclined to take to the streets in pro-
test against the wrongful shooting
of a popular black leader was invited
to watch his television set where the
injustice carried out against his own
community was promptly dulled
by the appearance of a black man
playing Rock n’ Roll on white televi-
sion. And so ended the Civil Rights
Movement.
Since the police brutality that
opposed the activism of the freedom
riders and peaceful protesters in
Montgomery brought sympathy to
the plight of the black community,
her until she changes her behaviour,
and to spread the word that she
can’t be trusted. She’s already been
banned from a few places, but I think
this might make things worse. I hate
this. We all do. Ella is fundamentally
a good person who’s done tremen-
dous work in the community and has
helped many, but she obviously has a
very serious problem that has caused
her to hurt many as well. This must
stop. What can we do?
My response
Re: Ella - oof, that’s a tough one.
Mutual support and protection are
obviously essential.
Also, you might consider lovingly
approaching Ella with a series of op-
tions for help (she might be an out-
of-control sex addict, in which case
the option of Sex Addicts Anonymous
could be included) and then offered
the choice of opting for help or facing
police intervention and therefore
possibly prison. At the very least, she
must be made to understand that
while you all want to help her, her
harmful behaviour will no longer be
tolerated.
“But Nick,” you might be thinking,
“I told you police intervention isn’t
an option.” Yeah, I know, but I’m not
sure I agree.
Look, I agree that police and
prisons are at their root, all about
oppression and control and that we
must speak boldly about abolishing
these systems as they currently exist.
But we must act prudently. We
must erode the power of the state
to violently intervene in our lives in
proportion to the degree that we de-
velop the community power to make
us independent of the state and its
false solutions to social problems,
otherwise we end up with chaos and
possibly even worse evils.
This restructuring process re-
state violence was unlikely to quell
the protests once they’d started.
Better tactics were needed to keep
lawful social activism from becom-
ing an effective means of change
and when the riot police and their
attack dogs proved to be too bloody
to remain effective an alternate
dream was proffered to break-up the
Civil Rights movement. What better
dream could be offered to disband a
united community than fame when
fame is the only public resource,
that is wanted by all, but cannot be
equitably shared.
What America fears most is an ed-
ucated, organised black community
armed with the truth to fire its anger.
Television, and its obvious power
to influence the people became the
stage which divided the commu-
nity like slaves who worked in the
master’s house vs in the fields. But
instead of all the slaves in the field
picking cotton feeling resentment for
the ‘pampered’ house slaves, youths
of today can look up to, admire and
wish to emulate the rich, glamorous
pop-idols they see on TV that look
like them and come from the same
ghettoes as them. Art’s power to
control life was experienced with
the power of the media to control
the images and back stories of the
select few stars who are glamour-
ized, idolized and, most importantly,
imitated so that kids watching can
buy the pipe-dream of stardom sold
by the rich pop-stars who shunned
education and slam honest labour.
TV, commercial radio and Hollywood,
promote the ghetto-life in music
videos and movies for kids to see
their favourite artists and believe
that what they need to do to attain
quires that we look beyond the old
reform-abolition dichotomy or resist
seeing reforms uniquely in terms of
their amenability to corruption by
oppressive elites, and that we instead
advance reformist methods strategi-
cally towards the long-term revolu-
tionary goals of abolition and social
transformation. Each little reform,
each little victory, makes us stronger,
bolder, more demanding and less
willing to compromise on matters
essential to freedom, equality, and
justice for all -until, before we know
it, the walls of power are pushed far
back enough to allow for a new social
order to spread and to eventually
supplant the old.
The development of this new
social order requires our challenging
and finding remedies to structures
of oppression (patriarchy, capitalism,
racism, ableism, militarism, hetero-
sexism...) that foster social harm and
violence.
Crucially, more work needs to be
done to address sexual domination
and the glorification of violence, with
the interplay of mass media and op-
pressive structures clearly implicat-
ed, and with the patriarchal nuclear
family loudly called out for what
it is - the central site of sexualized
violence and of learned heterosex-
ist and domineering attitudes and
behaviours.
Relatedly we need a wider diver-
sity of familial arrangements, chosen
to suit individual needs and freed of
the imposition of standardized roles
and routinized relationships.
Not unrelatedly, we need more
building of community ties, of com-
munity trust, of community support
systems. We need to multiply centres
of community life and press for a
reshaping of the social order along
decentralized lines so that more non-
the easy life of fame, fortune & glory
is to be gangsta, sling crack, pimp
hoes and flash their rock bejewelled
pipes in their own poverty-stricken
neighbourhoods. While a dozen are
plucked from poverty, shown life
beyond the tracks and kept tethered
to their promoters by promises of
success if they stay in line while
being reminded of the tragic endings
of Tupac & Biggie, the glamorous
images of the very few seen by the
very many encourages millions of
young kids from the ghettoes, to take
a fast track to life in prison, death
row and the morgue if only to prove
Malcolm X wrong when he said, “you
can’t get anywhere in life without an
education.”
MTV has seen black-on-black vio-
lence escalate since its inception.
By promoting uneducated black art-
ists who rise from the ghetto, unedu-
cated black kids wishing to attain the
status of their heroes, throw the dice
at life on the streets, shun school
themselves and look for ‘respect’
from their peers as they are manoeu-
vred to compete against each other
in their crack-infested, gun addicted
neighbourhoods. The common op-
pressor of poverty remains faceless,
economic slavery is fulfilled and
freedom is dreamed of in pop songs,
which encourage the disenfranchised
to brutalize each other reaching for
the slender crust of pie. There just
isn’t enough for everyone and it
wouldn’t be the same if there was. So
while black Africans see America as
an oasis from their plight of poverty,
African-Americans throw away their
birthright to the free basic education
and honest employment, the Black
Panther Party and other Civil Rights
CELL COUNT//ISSUE 84//SPRING 2018
violent and non-oppressive actions
can initiate the revitalization of the
community.
We also need to do more work
on breaking old patterns of domi-
nation and creating new patterns of
mutual exchange and democratic
decision-making; on transmuting old
energies based on hate, indifference,
and prejudice into new energies
based on a real sense of community;
on cultivating human resources like
love, trust, compassion, acceptance,
forgiveness, confidence, imagination,
leadership, responsibility, under-
standing, self-control, self-reliance
and kindness.
All this work and so much more
besides is required if we hope to
create a more just, humane, and
genuinely democratic social order.
But it is a process, and it requires
prudence.
And it is in this spirit of prudence
that, in the case of Ella, I suggest
police intervention as a last re-
sort. If Ella’s like most people, she
probably wants help but is too
proud, ashamed, afraid, addicted,
traumatized, or whatever to seek or
accept it. A “firm nudge” in the right
direction could help.
But if police intervention is re-
sorted to, then it is crucial that you
smother Ella with love and support
because she’ll need it!
And in court, double down on that
love and support. Include the survi-
vors. You mentioned their willingness
to enact restorative justice process-
es. Now’s the time to really press for
this. Have the survivors themselves
speak against punishment and pris-
on and instead plead for restoration
and healing, welcoming the state in
the role of facilitator, if need be. Let
them themselves suggest alterna-
tives to incarceration - alternatives
leaders fought for n the ‘60s, for the
mirage of hip-hop fame. Gone are
the Freedom-Songs, replaced by the
powerful voice of hip-hop, which has
fractured into glory seeking individu-
ality the once united community that
formerly had its eye on equality.
Once convicted for any felony
crime, such as simple drug posses-
sion, a felon is unemployable with no
right to collect food stamps or vote
to try to change his economic plight
outside the realm of the criminal
world. Where the old Jim Crow
was blatant and overt, as Michelle
Anderson reports, ‘Whites Only’
segregation was transformed into
the semblance of equality of the New
Jim Crow. Crack, which is flooded
into the ghettoes to manoeuvre
black youths to shoot each other in
gang wars for its lucrative street-level
control, is 100 times less expensive
than cocaine, 100 times more harshly
convicted than cocaine, and results in
100s of 100s times more blacks being
labelled felons for consuming it than
whites for consuming cocaine.
The War on Drugs has resulted in
a disproportionate number of black
men incarcerated inside super-pris-
ons located in white suburbs. Prison
populations being counted in the
white suburban communities where
they are located artificially inflate the
populations of those communities
which are then reflected in the coun-
try’s representational government
and electoral colleges. Not only do
felons in the US not vote but the dis-
proportionate number of black men
in the prison system gives the rural
white vote more weight and allows a
white demagogue like Donald Trump
get elected president of the United
that, along with restorative justice
processes, might include partial
house arrest, monitoring, counsel-
ling, and sex rehab/treatment in the
community. Convince the judge that
the community is fully prepared to
help in Ella’s rehabilitation in whatev-
er way possible.
Talk about the intersectional expe-
rience of oppression and the trauma
it could cause and has caused Ella.
Use the court as a platform to voice
grievances and to highlight condi-
tions of oppression. The media will
eat it up, with the masses getting an
edifying glimpse of the deep human-
ity of the community and of what a
more humanitarian form of justice
could look like.
Of course, there’s always a chance
that Ella gets locked up. If that
happens, you hunker down on your
love and support. You write to her
regularly, visit her, send her money
as well as useful & helpful literature
(if she can’t receive books, photocopy
them dozens of pages at a time),
contact relevant persons on the in-
side (warden, chaplain, psychologist,
parole officer) to voice your support
and to initiate restorative justice pro-
cesses, find treatment for her on the
outside - in short, you do everything
you can to support and encourage
Ella and to help her to come out and
to stay out.
Well, that was it - my response,
about which I continue to sec-
ond-guess myself. I’m especially
bothered by my having suggested
police intervention as a last resort,
but I’m not sure it was entirely
wrong in this case. What do you all
think about this - about any of it?
I’ve already learned so much from
you all and look forward to learning
so much more and evolving in the
process. Peace and love.
States.
Today’s open-carry laws allow any-
one to arm themselves with the most
powerful weapon an oppressed com-
munity can have, the mobile phone
and its ability to record the police.
As police brutality in the ‘60s fuelled
the anger of the Civil Rights move-
ment, so again today it has resulted
in the Black Lives Matter movement,
which has rallied black people across
America into demonstrations not
seen in decades. But consider this,
the half dozen unforgiveable deaths
of black men at the hands of white
police each year, as tragic as they
are, are but a drop in the ocean of
violence plaguing American streets
today where black youths kill each
other in gang warfare at a rate of
several hundred gun-related deaths
daily! It is then no wonder that the
white dominated NRA is the single
most powerful voice blocking gun
legislation, because such legislation
could help prevent young urban kids
from feeling the crack-like instant
gratification of power the act of
holding a heavy piece of cold steel as
addictive as a gun can have, instead
of striving for the life-long empow-
erment of the good education black
community leaders once dreamed
of before everybody’s heads were
turned by crack, guns, gangs and the
unattainable fruit of fame.
Some book suggestions:
New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in
the Age of Colorblindness, Michelle
Anderson Martin & Malcolm, James
H. Cone
One Nation Under God: How
Corporate America Made Christian
America Malcolm X
9 // art
CELL COUNT//ISSUE 84//SPRING 2018
Prisoner health report
summary
Continued from page 9
reality is far different. Over half of
almost 4000 complaints received
from those incarcerated in Ontario’s
prisons in 2016–2017 were about
health care, including lacking access
to doctors, delays in treatment, or
problems receiving medication. It
suggests three solutions to these
unfortunately common complaints.
1) Harm reduction & substance use
The reality is that drugs can, and do
enter prisons, in Canada and around
the world, and so this report touches
on harm reduction measures that
can improve health of people in
prison. One way to do this is through
needle and syringe programs, which
reduces sharing of drug equipment.

"Peace of Heart" © Gerry Saulnier

This, in turn, reduces transmission of
HIV and HCV, reduces overdoses, and
doesn't increase drug consumption.
These programs also support people
who are failed the most by the sys-
tem, such as Indigenous prisoners.
Another harm reduction effort is
opioid substitution treatment - taking
substances like methadone or subox-
one that can help people transition
out of using drugs. The problem is
that there's no way to start treatment
in prison settings unless you're preg-
nant- a huge and unacceptable gap
between the treatment people get in
the community vs. in prison settings.
The use of naloxone is another im-
portant piece of harm reduction. The
opioid crisis has reached the level of
a public health disaster, with 4000
Canadians dying of overdose in 2017
alone. Naloxone can temporarily
reverse overdoses, and people in the
community are encouraged to carry
it, even if they're not drug users.
That's not the case in prison. Ensur-
ing all people in prison have access
to naloxone and training on how to
use it will save lives.
2) HIV, Stigma & Discrimination
Even though about 1–2% of men
and 1–9% of women in prisons are
living with HIV, fear & discrimination
causes misinformation that make
getting the facts about HIV transmis-
sion difficult.
This report suggests trainings that
dispel myths about HIV be available
to everyone, and that prisoners are
never segregated for any reason,
including on their HIV status. As well,
prison interrupts access to doctors or
specialists, causes delays in treat-
ment and problems with receiving
medication for people living with HIV.
3) Safer Tattooing & Chronic Pain
Sharing needles, tattooing and pierc-
ing equipment contributes to high
rates of infection for things like HIV
& HCV, but no action plan for safer
tattooing in prison has been put in
place, even though it's been proven
through studies to reduce harm
and enhance the health and safety
of everyone. The report urges the
government to start safer tattooing
programs that listen to people with
lived experience on the subject.
As well, chronic, disabling pain is a
reality for many people in prison, and
even though it's been recognized as
a fundamental human right in the
community, people in prison trying
© Louie Rebelo

to access pain meds get labelled

as 'drug seekers'. Inappropriate
withholding of pain medications is
an infringement of prisoners’ human
rights.
The gap between the healthcare
people have access to in prison vs
the community is still so devastat-
ingly huge. Completely missing are:
needle programs, opioid substitu-
tion therapy, naloxone for all, safe
tattooing programs, pain manage-
ment programs and non-stigmatizing
approaches to HIV education.
10 // art
CELL COUNT//ISSUE 84//SPRING 2018

© Jeremy Hall
11 // health and harm reduction
CELL COUNT//ISSUE 84//SPRING 2018

PASAN fundraiser 'Save Our Skins' a big success

By Sena Hussain
Tattooing inside is no small feat:
the risks involved, getting the equip-
ment together, and going under the
radar in a place where it is banned.
Because artists inside do not have
access to the proper equipment and
inks, the risks of transmitting blood-
borne illnesses such as HIV and even
more so, HepC are much higher in-
side of prisons than in studios on the
outside. Many tattoo artists on the
outside are unaware of the risks that
artists inside have to take, as well as
those who get tattooed.
This is where Save Our Skins
comes in, to bridge the knowledge
gap between tattoo artists on the
Tattoo on Lauren Moses-Brettler by Lazer Wizard
outside and what the circumstances
are for those in prison. Over the
month of May 2018, PASAN recruited
several artists and studios to partici-
pate in a fundraiser for our orga-
nization, as well as an awareness
campaign around prison tattooing.
The campaign ended up raising just
under $5000.
Through social media sites like
Instagram and Facebook, as well as
talking to artists and their clients
in person, we showed work that
was sent in from artists inside and
started conversations to connect
the outside tattoo communities in
Toronto with what is going on inside
prisons.
"Safer tattooing means so much
to me. When I heard there was an
initiative toward progressive efforts
for tattooing in prisons and ex-pris-
oners to mark their skin in safe ways
I was definitely on board. I am so
happy to say my participation in this
Tattoo by soft point
fundraiser has raised awareness
amongst my following and friends
as well as patrons who came to me
without knowledge of participating
and a percentage of the payment
going to the cause. I hope to contin-
ue to support these efforts!!" said
crybabyqlub, a participating artist.
On Instagram, scratch pepper
wrote: "I raised a totall of $270 for
donation to SOS over the course of
the fundraiser! Thank you so much
to everyone who participated, clients
and fellow artists alike. This cause
really hits close to home and I am
so grateful for the opportunity to
support PASAN's efforts in some
small way."
"I'm a nursing student and imple-
menting anti-oppressive practices
is something I'm truly passionate
about!" said Kieran, someone who
got tattooed as part of Save Our
Skins.
"I got a tattoo by rat at Wild World
Ink for Save Our Skins. When I first
heard about it I knew I wanted to
participate. It's a cause I truly believe
is important. Especially in prison
there is so little to do but a lot of
prisoners find art, if it's music, poetry
or tattooing is a big culture, and no
one deserves to get infected while
getting art on their body to get them
through a hard time or remember
loved ones. I think regardless all
humans deserve respect, especially
those that some people in society
shun," said another participant.
Artists inside sent their works to
us so we could display the type of
talent that we see inside. Jeremy H.,
Brendan R., Kyle Inkman, Forgotton
Warrior, Joey T., Brian K., Patricia C.
and Louie R. all kindly contributed
art, which we featured on our social
media pages, website and at a fund-
raising party.
We talked to some folks inside
about their reasons and/or meanings
Tattoo by crybabyqlub
behind their tattoos, and this is what
they had to say:
"I got bored, there was nothing to
do so I started tattooing myself," said
Nathan M.
"My tattoos on my face all repre-
sent someone who died. People think
that the teardrops on my face mean
that I killed someone. They don't.
Tattoo on Jack by rat
Tattoo on Hala by Tee
One represents my son passing away
and the other is about losing my
hero, my dad," said Dan H.
"I got my all my kids' names, I've
got two tattoos for my mother who
died. I got a ram because I'm Aries.
Every one of mine means some-
thing," said Luke B.
"The skull represents the loss
of our brothers and sisters inside
over the years. The guns represent
even though we're locked up, we're
still fighting for our rights. The bars
are broken because we still have a
chance for freedom," said Fred.
"I got mine in Sask Pen and it's
the 7 Grandfather teachings. I like to
walk the red road in a good way. I fol-
low the 7 teachings: honesty, respect,
trust, wisdom, humility, bravery and
love," Pathways member and aspir-
ing youth councilor, Kevin H.
Kevin H. added: "to the youth
inside: there's a different pathway
you can take to get out of this cycle.
It's better for yourself to do your own
time and work on yourself inside
because it's better in the long-run.
Believe me."
"I got a cross but I didn't like it on
my hand, so I got a guy to use char-
coal as the tattoo pigment to cover
up the cross. And now you can't find
it anywhere. My dad has 175 tattoos
on his body," said Albert G.
"Everything I've gotten represents
my family or my children. I came in
with 3 and I have 17 now. It feels like
they're with me, giving me strength,"
said Bobby G.
"All my tattoos represent things
I've done in life, culture, the things
I've done. I can explain my life story
through my tattoos. I'm Aboriginal
so I have a lot of Aboriginal tattoos,"
Nolan T.
"I got praying hands for my mom
and dad because I'm always praying
for them. For their health. I'm in for
life so I want them to be ok because
I'm not there with them to help," said
Froggy.
"It gives me a release. It gives me
a way to make money and putting
a nice piece of art out there," said
Epson.
PASAN would like to thank all the
Tattoo on Kieran by Tee
artists, inside and out, who helped
make Save Our Skins such a success.
We are excited to continue having
these discussions and pushing for a
harm reduction approach towards
tattooing inside, which would in turn
help reduce the disproportionately
higher rates of HIV and HCV inside
prisons. It also creates skill-building
opportunities and artistic outlets that
benefit mental health, feelings of
self-expression and self-worth inside.
We want to thank all the artists
inside, as well as those who par-
ticpated and volunteered: Soft Point,
Rat666tat, Toby Sicks, Joey Ramona,
Sedated Reality, rat, Scratchpep-
per, Rowan Aurora, Sister Piff, Tee,
Inkdigenous Tattoo, Outcast Club,
The Okey Doke and Crybaby Qlub,"
said a PASAN statement about Save
Our Skins.
PASAN will continue to update the Save
Our Skins Instagram page with art that you
submit to us. Just make a note that you
would like to have your art featured and how
you'd like to be credited."

Harm Reduction
By Reginal Nixon
I have done a lot of time to think
and one thing that keeps coming
up is one common thing people
say, “what causes a person to do
self harm, and how can we change
the outcome.” I have spoke with a
lot of people that had an addiction
to either drugs or alcohol, and I ask
them why they do it? I have also
asked them if they realize that Harm
that they are doing to themselves
and they asked me what I meant, and
why I care?
The one problem that I see with
especially with people that abuse
prescription drugs because they
don’t realize the harm that they are
doing, not only to themselves but
to the person that’s medication that
they are taking. I find that a lot of
people that have an addiction to pre-
scription drugs were introduced to
the medication at a young age. I also
deal with people that do cutting of
themselves and they are dealing with
Share Your Recipes & Food Stories!
By Chloe Taylor
While working with currently or
formerly incarcerated people, we have
learned about the restricted access
people within prisons have to quality
food, as well as the creative ways in
which incarcerated people share reci-
a lot of internal pain and shame.
What I have noticed with these
people is to try and find out what is
going on inside of them and become
their friend and show them that you
care. One of the biggest causes of
self-harm is bullying, which causes
a lot of people to become abusers
of drugs or alcohol and some of
them even get so overwhelmed and
discouraged and ashamed that they
kill themselves and far to often the
person is a youth.
I have spoke to some people in
jail and on the street that live the
GAY life and they have told me
about some of the members of the
LGBTQ community that do self harm
to themselves because of a lack of
help and no respect from family
and friends because of their lifestyle
choices, and they have asked me
what to do.
What I decided to do for the
people on the street was send them
addresses of organizations in their
area and give them names of people
that work there, that will help.
pes, ideas, and skills around food within
the walls of the institution. Inspired
by the imaginative ways in which food
knowledge and memories are shared,
as well as tasty meals, we hope to
compile a COOKBOOK co-authored by
currently or formerly incarcerated peo-
ple featuring recipes, stories, images, and more!
Ideas for Cookbook Contributions:
•Recipes
•Food stories and memories
•Poetry or creative writing about food, cooking, or
sharing meals
•Commentary on food and access to food within
jails and prisons
•Drawings or illustrations
•Collaborative works of writing/art
•Other ideas are welcome!
How to Submit
To contribute to the COOKBOOK, please give
your contribution to your contact (whoever told
you about this opportunity), or, if you have access
to email or snail mail, please send the original
document, or a photo/scan of your work to:
Chloe Taylor
chloe3@ualberta.ca
Department of Women’s and Gender Studies
University of Alberta
1-17 Assiniboia Hall
Edmonton, AB T6G 2E7, Canada
In addition to your recipe, food story, food
memoir, commentary or artwork, please include
your name, contact information, and a brief
biography (a few sentences or paragraphs) telling
us about yourself.
We will try to find a publisher for this Cookbook! If
we find a publisher, we will ask for the individual
consent of all contributors to publish their work
and you will have the chance to approve of the
COOKBOOK in its final form before it is published.
You will also receive an author’s or artist’s copy
of the book once it is finished. If you are being
transferred or released, make sure to leave your
address so that we can send you a copy. We will
also contribute copies of the Cookbook to the
institutions from which we are soliciting contribu-
tions.
12 // resources & about pasan
CELL COUNT//ISSUE 84//SPRING 2018
EAST COAST 1 est, rue Sherbrooke, Montréal, H2X 107-33 Isabella St, Toronto, M4Y 955 Queen Street East, Toronto, M4M FED - 1-877-900-2437 (#’s approved
3V8 514-844-2477 2P7 416-963-4300 (Collect) 3P3 by institutions and are NOT Collect
ALLY CENTRE COMITÉ des PERSONNES ATTEINTES BLACK COALITION for AIDS PREVEN- 416-461-1925 (Collect only on Tuesday Calls)
Take collect calls du VIH du QUEBEC (CPAVIH) TION & Friday, 11am-5pm) Positive Living Society of BC
150 Bentinck St, Sydney, NS, B1P 1-800-927-2844 Accept collect calls Once out, please call 416-417-6135 Leita McInnis, Prison Outreach
1G6 902-567-1766 2075 rue Plessis bureau 310, Montreal, 20 Victoria St, 4th Flr, Toronto, M5C Worker
AIDS COALITION of NOVA SCOTIA H2L 2Y4 1-800-927-2844 2N8 416-977-9955 (Collect)  PRAIRIES  1101 Seymour St, 4th Floor, Vancou-
Accept collect calls CANADIAN HIV/AIDS LEGAL NET- HIV COMMUNITY LINK ver, BC V68 0R1 Fed: 1-877-900-2437
1675 Bedford Row, Halifax, NS, B3J ONTARIO WORK Prov: 604-525-8646
Accept collect calls
1T11-800-566-2437, 902-425-4882 2-SPIRITED PEOPLE of the 1ST NA- Accept collect calls 110-1603 10th Ave SW, Calgary, AB, T3C LINC
AIDS COMMITTEE of NEWFOUND- TIONS 1240 Bay St #600, Toronto, M5R 2A7 416- 0J7 403-508-2500 33270 14th Ave, Mission, BC, V2V 4Z7
LAND & LABRADOR Accept collect calls 595-1666 (Collect) AIDS SASKATOON 1-877-424-4242 (BC only)
Take collect calls 145 Front Street East Suite 105 Toron- FIFE HOUSE 1143 Ave F N, Saskatoon, SK, S7L 1X1306-
47 Janeway Place, St. John’s, NL, A1A Accepts collect calls NATIONAL
to, Ontario M5A 1E3 416-944-9300 242-5005 1-800-667-6876
1R7 1-800-563-1575 AFRICANS in PARTNERSHIP AGAINST 490 Sherbourne St, 2nd Flr, Toronto, CENTRAL ALBERTA AIDS NET- CANADIAN ASSOCIATION OF ELIZA-
AIDS NEW BRUNSWICK AIDS M4X 1K9  WORK SOCIETY BETH FRY SOCIETIES (Women)
65 Brunswick St, Fredericton, NB, E3B No collect calls, call PASAN 416-205-9888 No collect calls 701-151 Slater St.
1G51-800-561-4009, 506-459-7518 526 Richmond St E, Toronto, M5A HIV & AIDS LEGAL CLINIC OF ON. 4611 50th Ave, Red Deer, AB, T4N 3Z9 Ottawa, ON
AIDS PEI 1R3 416-924-5256 (HALCO) 403-346-8858 K1P 5H3
Take collect calls AIDS COMMITTEE of CAMBRIDGE, Accept collect calls HIV EDMONTON (613) 238-2422
2-375 University Ave, Charlottetown, KITCHENER,WATERLOO & AREA 65 Wellesley St E, Toronto, M4Y 9702 111 Ave NW, Edmonton, AB, BRAIN INJURY ASSOC OF CANADA
PE, C1A 4N4 902-566-2437 Accept collect calls 1G7 1-888-705-8889 T5G 0B1 1-877-388-5742 440 Laurier Ave. West, Suite 200
AIDS SAINT JOHN Have a toll-free number HIV/AIDS REGIONAL SERVICES (HARS) KIMAMOW ATOSKANOW FOUNDA- Ottawa, ON K1R 7X6 Toll-free: 1-866-
Don’t accept collect calls 2B-625 King St E, Kitchener, N2G Accept collect calls TION 977-2492
115 Hazen St, NB, E2L 3L3 506-652- 4V4 519-570-3687 (Collect), 1-877–770– 844-A Princess St, Kingston, K7L Accept collect calls CATIE
2437 3687 1G5 613-545-3698 (Collect) RR 1, Site 1, Box 133, Onoway, AB, T0E 1-800-263-1638
HEALING OUR NATIONS: AIDS COMMITTEE OF GUELPH ONTARIO ABORIGINAL HIV/AIDS 1V01-866-971-7233, 780-913-9036 555 Richmond St W #505, Toronto, ON
1-800 565 4255 Accept collect calls, prefer that people STRATEGY NINE CIRCLES COMMUNITY HEALTH M5V 3B1
3-15 Alderney Dr, Dartmouth, NS, B2Y use their Accept collect calls CENTRE
2N21-800-565-4255, 902-492-4255 89 Dawson Rd, Unit 113, Guelph, N1H 844-A Princess St, Kingston, K7L 705 Broadway, Winnipeg, MB, R3G 0X2 Prisoner Initiatives
MAINLINE NEEDLE EXCHANGE 3X2 1-800-282-4505; 519-763-2255 1G5 613-549-7540 (Collect) 1-888-305-8647
Calls from within Nova Scotia are free PEEL HIV/AIDS NETWORK PRISONERS UNITED ORGANIZATION
(Collect) PLWA NETWORK OF SASKATCHEWAN Created by and for prisoners in the
Don’t accept collect calls AIDS COMMITTEE of NORTH BAY Accept collect calls No collect calls
5511 Cornwallis St, Halifax, NS, B3K 160 Traders Blvd, Unit 1, Mississauga, Canadian federal correctional system.
and AREA Box 7123, Saskatoon, SK, S7K 4I1 306- Our purpose is to explore the ways
1B3 902-423-9991 Accept collect calls L4Z 3K7 373-7766
SHARP ADVICE NEEDLE EXCHANGE 1-866-896-8700, 905-361-0523 (Collect) in which both the experience and
201-269 Main St W, North Bay, P1B OUT SASKATOON the outcome of incarceration may be
Accept collect calls 2T8 705-497-3560 (Collect) PETERBOROUGH AIDS RESOURCE 320 21 St W, Saskatoon, SK S7M 4E6
150 Bentnick St, Sydney, NS, B1P NETWORK (PARN) enhanced. We welcome everyone to
AIDS COMMITTEE of OTTAWA 1-800-358-1833 visit our website at prisonersunited.
6H1 902-539-5556 (Collect) 700-251 Bank St, Ottawa, K2P 1X3 613- Accept collect calls PRINCE ALBERT METIS WOMEN’S
SIDA/AIDS MONCTON 302-159 King St, Peterborough, K9J org. We encourage you to share your
238-5014 (Collect) or Toll Free (ON & ASSOC. stories on our forum (prisonersunited.
Accept collect calls as long as they’re QC only) 1-800-461-2182 2R81-800-361-2895, 705-932-9110 (Col- No collect calls
HIV related lect) boards.net) and our facebook page
AIDS COMMITTEE of THUNDER BAY 54 10th St E, Prince Albert, SK, S6V (www.facebook.com/prisonersunited)
80 Weldon St, Moncton, NB, E1C 574 Memorial Ave, Thunder Bay, STREET HEALTH CENTRE 0Y5 306-763-5356
5V8 506-859-9616 Accept collect calls to shed light on the current practices
P7B 3Z2 1-800-488-5840, 807-345- RED RIBBON PLACE and problems within the Canadian
EAST COAST PRISON JUSTICE SOCIETY 1516 (Collect) Hepatitis C Treatment Program 235 (ALL NATIONS HOPE AIDS NETWORK)
6061 University Ave, PO Box 15000 Wellington St, Kingston, K7K 0B5 613- correctional system.
POSITIVE LIVING NIAGARA  2735 5th Ave, Regina, SK, S4T BLACK INMATES & FRIENDS ASSEM-
Halifax, NS, B3H 4R2 Accept collect calls from registered 549-1440 (Collect) 0L2 1-877-210-7622
THE AIDS NETWORK (TAN) BLY
QUEBEC clients STREET CONNECTIONS 2518 Eglinton Avenue West
(Recommend that you get a case man- Don’t accept collect calls No collect calls
101-140 King St E, Hamilton, L8N Toronto, Ontario M6M 1T1
CACTUS ager to get registered with them) 705 Broadway Ave, Winnipeg, MB, ph (416) 652-3131
Accept collect calls 111 Church St, St Catharines, L2R 1B2 905-528-0854 toll free 1-866-563- R3G 0X2 204-940-2504 WOMEN: 50
0563 OUT OF BOUNDS MAGAZINE
1300 rue Sanguinet, Montreal, H2X 3C9 905-984-8684 or toll free 1-800- Argyle, Winnipeg, MB, R3B 0H6 204- 6000 William Head Rd, Victoria, BC
3E7 514-847-0067 773-9843 THE WORKS 943-6379
Accept collect calls V9C 0B5
CENTRE for AIDS SERVICES MONTRE- ANISHNAWBE HEALTH AIDS PRO- JOURNAL OF PRISONERS ON PRIS-
AL (Women) GRAM 277 Victoria St, Toronto, 416-392-0520 WEST COAST 
(Collect) ONS
Accept collect calls No collect calls AIDS VANCOUVER ISLAND c/o Justin Piché, PhD, Associate Profes-
1750 Rue Saint-Andre, 3rd Flr, Montre- 255 Queen St E, Toronto, M5A 1S4 416- TORONTO PWA FOUNDATION
Accept collect calls from clients Accepts collect calls. 713 Johnson St, sor, Dept of Criminology University of
al, H2L 3T81-877-847-3636, 514-495-0990 360-0486 3rd Flr, Victoria, V8W 1M8 250-384- Ottawa, Ottawa, ON, Canada
COALITION des ORGANISMESCOM- ASIAN COMMUNITY AIDS SERVICE 200 Gerrard St E, 2nd Flr, Toronto, M5A
2E6 416-506-1400 2366 or 1-800-665-2437 K1N 6N5
MUNAUTAIRES QUEBECOIS de LUTTE- When prisoners call, they offer them PLBC - PRISON OUTREACH PROJECT PRISON FREE PRESS
CONTRE le SIDA (COCQSIDA) small bursaries to cover their calling Toronto Community Hep C Program
Accept collect calls 1107 Seymour St, Vancouver, V6B PO Box 39, Stn P
Accept collect calls fees 5S8 Toll Free: PROV - 604-525-8646 Toronto, ON, M5S 2S6

ABOUT PASAN STAFF CELL COUNT TEAM

PASAN is a community-based HIV Service organization Outreach & Education
that strives to provide community development, educa- Chaman Agarwal Sena Hussain
tion and support to prisoners and ex-prisoners in Ontario Prison Education Programs:  Lead Editor
PASAN conducts HIV prevention education programs in
Office Coordinator
ON HIV, Hepatitis C (HCV) and other harm reduction Janet Rowe
issues. PASAN formed in 1991 as a grassroots response many adult and youth institutions in the southern Ontario Eveline Allen Cell Count Supervisor
Brendan Arnott
to HIV in the Canadian prison system. Today, PASAN
region.  This program includes a Peer Educators Group, Regional Prison In-Reach Coordinator Cell Count Volunteer
whereby ex-prisoners living with HIV are educators for
is the only community-based organization in Canada Nikki Browne Zakaria Amara
current prisoners.  
exclusively providing HIV and HCV prevention, education Writer
PASAN conducts free training for those working with Women's Program Coordinator Gregory J. McMaster
and support services to prisoners, ex-prisoners and their
prison-affected and drug using populations.  Training
families. Bear Charles Writer
topics include:
Indigenous Program Coordinator Nick Paccione
Support Services ▪ HIV & Prison Writer
▪ Harm Reduction Seth Clarke Philipe Poisson
Individual Support Services: ▪ The Impact of Segregation ​Federal Community Development Coordinator (on Writer
▪ Individual support & counselling ▪ Stigma & Discrimination leave) Michael Hector
▪ case management Writer
▪ pre-release and post-release planning
Systemic Advocacy Zachary Grant Mark Zammit
▪ referrals  Since our beginnings in 1991, PASAN has always Federal Hep C Program Coordinator Writer
Forgotten Warrior
▪ advocacy for medical services  maintained a focus on systemic issues of HIV/AIDS and
Trevor Gray Writer
▪ housing supports prisons.   Some has been involved in many systemic
Community Programs Coordinator Christ Kennedy
▪ phone support through collect calling  advocacy efforts including: Writer
▪ emergency financial assistance (limited budget for fees ▪ Prison Needle Syringe Project (2014/15) Sena Hussain Mary Ellen Young
related to identification and prison release.  Application ▪ Advocacy against the use of segregation Communications & Resource Dev Coordinator Writer
requirements exist) ▪ Presentation to the Canadian Human Rights Commis- Grizzly Bear
sion (2001) Lindsay Jennings Writer
▪ Advocacy for male-to-female transsexual/transgendered Provincial HepC Program Coordinator Reginal Nixon
Community Support Services: Writer
prisoners and HIV (1999) Claudia Medina
PASAN also provides support AIDS Service Organizations Mark Zammit
▪ Presentation to the Presidential Advisory Council on Program Manager Writer
and community groups across Ontario.  This includes: 
HIV/AIDS in Washington DC (1998)
▪ resources & educational materials Janet Rowe
▪ Presentation to the Parliamentary Subcommittee on Poetry: A.V., Forgotten Warrior, Zakaria
▪ training Executive Director
AIDS (1996) Amara, Kyle King, Ty;or Beggs, Larry Cardinal,
▪ assistance to set up prison outreach and support ▪ HIV/AIDS in Youth Custody Settings: A Comprehensive Jeremy Hall, Patrick J.M. Dowdell, Nolan R.
projects Strategy (1996)
Cherisa Shivcharran Turcotte
▪ strategies to develop referral “hubs” for HIV positive ▪ Organization of the first National Workshop on HIV/ Provincial Community Development Coordinator Art: Jeremy Hall, Gregory Saulnier, Louie
prisoners Rebelo
AIDS in Prison (1995).  Aanya Wood Let us know if we mistakenly forgot
▪ networking for the development of a continuum of care ▪ HIV/AIDS in Prison Systems: A Comprehensive Strate- Federal Community Development Coordinator someone!
for prisoners transferred between regions  gy (1992)