Академический Документы
Профессиональный Документы
Культура Документы
Salvador Cabrera
Professor Holly
English 28
11 December 2018
After much reflection on the feedback I received on how I can better my essay I took the
time to address the things that were told to me. For instance I was told by both my english
teacher and my english tutor to merge my first two paragraphs to create one solid introduction,
paraphrasing what I had wrote in the first two paragraphs of my intro to creat a solid Introduction
to my essay. I employed a move used by the writing center to write thesis statements “Although
(first reason)..., …..(second reason)..., …… (third reason. This is the move I added to introduce
my main points of my essay. Also I introduced a whole new body paragraph to my essay to
provide the counter argument to my essay. This was for the purpose of giving my essay more
credibility. This also allowed me to include more quotes into my essay. Speaking of witch I also
addressed the in text citations and included them based n the feedback.Then I changed one two
of my supporting Maine points. The original fist body point was about identity but instead I
Replaced it with a paragraph about the educational benefits to being multilingual. This was done
because i felt i had more supporting evidence to develop this pont over the original. The main
point for the third body paragraph was kept but I developed it in a different way removing
Also I changed the name from native language to heritage language because it sounded better.
Over all I focused on the feedback I received from others to refine my essay it flows a lot more
better and I Was able to include more outside sources along with the counter argument that was
ask of me to develop more. This essay feels to be something new, but instead it is a culmination
of much revising. Also I had to do all the tedious work of selecting better words that made my
point clear throughout my essay. This is more or less smaller revisions that where done. This
essay had the most revisions of any of my works in the past but i'm thankful for it and that it's
finally finished.