Failure is stepping stone to success

Well, this is my first blog post ever in Blogger, about my college life. :)

This is my longest blog (or let's say NOVEL. haha) that I ever made. It's up to you guys if you want to
finish reading it or not.

NOTE: If you want to learn more about life in failures and success, do finish reading it! :P

Last year, I have been a student at the University of Santo Tomas, Alfredo M. Velayo - College of
Accountancy. I chose University of Santo Tomas because it is very near to our place, coming there and
going home. Not only that, but also because it is one of the well-known university in the Philippines, and
where it is known as the best (No.1) accountancy school in the Philippines. I would want to study in such
a good school like this, where I can get the best quality education there. The reason why I chose
Accountancy as my course because it can be useful for the applications on businesses and jobs for my
future ahead. According to my mom, Accountancy is very important in businesses and an in-demand
course that can help us find the solution to the problems on financial matters through record-keeping
and financial analysis.

Some people often tell that whenever you plan to take up BS Accountancy, you should be good in
mathematics. That can be one of the reasons why I decided to took up BS Accountancy. But due to what
our professors say that Accountancy is not all about math, it's all about analysis; that can maybe make
me feel that I chose a wrong course, yet one of my reasonable reasons are the ones mentioned above.:)

When I studied there, I was astounded by the consecutive failures on the quizzes and exams on some of
my subjects that I was taking up. I was surprised when I was the only one in block 1A8 (morning class)
who was transferred to another section (block 1A18, which is the afternoon class, where many AMV
students are being thrown there who have one or two failures, for faster debarment, I think?) due to my
two failures in first semester. Meaning, I was the only one among 41 students in 1A8 who have failures.
Even though I really prayed harder, have faith in God, really studied so hard that I sometimes tend to
sleep very late [but I can't afford to sacrifice myself not to sleep at all so that I can able to finish
everything what I need to study due to my health concerns, and I really tend to fall asleep easily even
just sitting up straight. If I will just stand in order for me not to fall asleep, then I might just fell on the
floor. haha! :))], read too much lessons [but usually cannot able to finish what I was reading though
because I read slow :(], did all of my best, and exerted all of my efforts to my sweat, blood, and tears, I
really can't pass all of my subjects because it was just too difficult for me studying there, though I got
high grades on other subjects.
One day, I saw and read the blog made my friend. I really appreciated on how he made his blog because
it was so inspiring and encouraging for me, in preparing for myself what can happen to me next. I was
surprised on what he wrote about, that his friend (and also my friend) got grades of stunning 5's. Then I
thought, "If she got those results like these, how much more... me?" If she proclaimed herself that she is
ready to be debarred during that time, I thought that there will be a greater possibility for me to be
debarred.

One time, when I finally saw my grades in 2nd semester (1st year), I said to myself, "BUH-BYE USTE.:(((",
because I reached 12 units of failures in 2nd sem. Our requirement there in UST AMV-COA is not to
reach 9 units or more failures. When I told that to my mom, she was surprised and unhappy with my
results. At first, she told me that this might be the effect of having "barkada" (which is actually NOT) and
the effect of my Facebook usage (but I limit myself in using Facebook, and I spend more of my time in
studying; I can't survive myself not using my Facebook account for two weeks, but I can make it using
Facebook just every week). I asked my mom, "What can be the solution to this kind of situation?" Then
she said, "Maybe you can try shifting to other course. But if that won't work, then you have to transfer
to another school." And then, she mentioned, "...to the nearer places as much as possible, like Siena
College or St. Theresa's College." (where there are only few college students there) And then, I thought,
"What? I don't feel like studying there.:( I want to study in a well-known school" (ang arte ko no? sorry
po.:|) Then I told to my mom, "But I don't feel like studying there, can't it be like CEU? Letran? etc...
something that is well-known and famous." Then my mom said, "But those are far and a bit difficult for
you to commute. If you don't like the nearer schools I suggested for you, then you might not be able to
study anymore, because most schools might not accept you with your results like these." What she just
said made me feel more depressed, because maybe, she cannot accept what had happened to me yet
during that time. So I wondered, "Can I still continue my tertiary education, or not anymore? :( Oh
please, I still want to study. Why had this happened? As if naman I don't give myself a priority in
studies." I thought before that I will be one of the only few students in 1A18 who will be debarred.
When I realized that I was not the only one, and we were many who were debarred, I was surprised.
When I finally knew that I am debarred in UST due to failures of a total of 18 units [1st sem failures (6
units) + 2nd sem failures (12 units... including my major subject there which is Accounting 1A&B, a six-
units course)] during my stay in UST, I would not wonder anymore why this was happened to me
because it also happens to a lot more of accountancy students in UST, resulting to us a failure trauma,
deep depression, and bitterness.

I once asked my friend through text messaging, "Why is it like this? Even though I really did all of my
best in my studies and everything, nothing has worked still?" Then she told me, "Don't feel too hard for
yourself. If you really did your best, then it's not your fault anymore." Then I was thinking and
wondering, "Who's fault is this if it is not me?" :(

One time, I posted a status on my wall on Facebook. I said, "NEVER SAY DIE, TOMORROW IS ANOTHER
DAY. OKAY BITTER.:))))" Some commented there if I was okay, but of course not. So, some gave me
advice, saying, "Just move on and let go of the past, you're not alone." and "Remember, just move
forward and look straight ahead." When one of my friends read it, she was asking what happened to me.
Then I told her that I'll just explain about it in a chat room, because I don't want others to let them know
what had happened to me yet, especially if others are passed, because I felt hesitant with my results.
When I told her what happened to me, I was surprised that she gave me such great advices, like "There's
just something better for you, don't worry. Maybe the course and the school you chose was not really
for you. You should decide well this time what school shall you apply for admission next and what
course shall you take that comes from your heart and from God's will/plan for you." So, I prayed hard
during that time because I felt that I was lost, and I felt that it seems no school would accept me with my
bad records like these, so I might not able to study anymore if no school would accept me. I told to God,
"Lord, please help me find what's best for me. I still want and willing to study. I want to finish my tertiary
education and pursue my studies well for Your glory." :((( When I told to my mom that my good friend of
mine gave me such great advices, my mom told me, "Of course my dear. If there's a will, there's a way.
Do not worry, while there is life, there is hope." I also can't believe that my mom would told me these
kind of such great advices like these. I told to my mom, "Why like this? Even I really really did my best, it
was still not enough, but others can still pass even though it was really difficult? How did they made
that? I felt that others can't see yet what hardships in studies have I made and gone through." Then my
mom told me, "It's okay, I saw all your efforts that you've made." I told to my mom, "I thought there will
be no way out for me when this was happened to me. I realized that there is a solution to my problem. I
thought not." Then my mom hugged and comforted me and gave me advices, and I was burst into tears.
Then I finally cried.:"((((

A lot of my classmates in my former block (1A18) were also debarred, so we united together and formed
a group together called "mga debarmates". hahaha! :)) Through teamwork, we understand each others
feelings and reasons and helped each other out so that we can still try applying to other several college
courses in UST (as showing of our Thomasian pride and our love for UST) or try applying to other schools
in case we cannot able to admit other college courses anymore, because if one is debarred, then one
cannot able to admit to other college courses in UST anymore according to what was written on our pink
paper notice given to us and according to some staffs or administrations in UST. We inquired, work on
our important documents, and passed our requirements together. We even have bonding times
together during our times of depression, and I can't believe we could still crack up some jokes and have
some fun with each other even when we really felt so sad and depressed.:( But from all the effort we
made in order for us to admit to other college courses in UST, even when we're in groups already (10-12
members), nothing had worked.:( One of the staff in UST College of Commerce, where we tried hard to
apply there, told us, "We don't accept debarred students here", especially when we already failed more
than 9 units (like 12, 15, 18, or 21 units) We got no choice but to try to apply for admission to other
colleges and universities and to let some administrations in UST sign our pink paper (honorable
dismissal), a sign of a "goodbye" to UST. Even when I tried once there accompanying with my mom to
try applying for admission to UST College of Commerce for me (because I also passed my entrance
examination there before which was my 2nd choice), nothing also had worked.:(
One of our friends told us, "How can I hug the whole UST?" and "Someday, I shall return to UST, and I
will be the dean or the president there, and I will let all students pass there." Something like "I shall
return".:))

When I had finally gave up applying for admission to other courses, my friend approached and told me
about their funny moments with one of my block mate and their experiences in applying to other
colleges and universities like CEU, San Beda, and Mapua. My friend told me that when they tried
applying for admission at Centro Escolar University, they were automatically admitted there. If one's
chosen course there would be related to accountancy or any kind of business courses there, then
promotion to second year (even though we still have some first year subjects remaining) is allowed even
though we have our failures of 18 units. I was surprised, which made me feel that God has given me a
new direction for my better destiny to come! :) And during that time, I thought that I can still also see
there a lot of my acquaintances, which are some of my former classmates or batch mates in elementary
(Hopeans) and high school (Graceans), When she told me that it just takes around 15 minutes to
commute from UST to CEU, what came into my mind right away is that CEU is not that far from our
home. When I told to my mom about what my friend told me about CEU, by God's grace and given new
direction for me, she allowed me to follow with my friends applying at CEU. My mom said, "I really don't
know how to go to CEU if it's a time for an interview (required for transferees), so ask your friends to
teach you how to commute from home to there, and absorb what you have learned on how to
commute there, and you tell me how." But at that time, my mom was worried about me studying there
because Mendiola is maybe not that safe, because she often heard that it is a place where most rallies
took place at, based on news. I felt a bit confident during that time, and thought, "I think commuting
there is not that difficult, because for me, if commuting from our home to UST is just as easy as pie, then
I think commuting there is also easy for me." Then I said to myself, "From all the darkness I've been
through, finally, I saw a rainbow! :)" Those are my reasons why I chose CEU. So, I decided to follow with
my Thomasian friends who planned to apply for admission there at CEU.

Even though we felt depressed and bitter, my two Thomasian friends and I had fun with each other
through bonding moments while trying to apply for admissions at CEU. We met each other even if it was
summer time. We helped each other through completing our requirements for our submission. We took
our entrance exam and got good results together. I was glad that we were allowed to become a
sophomore student even though we became irregular students, I thanked God for that, because most of
my former classmates in UST who were debarred were needed to be retained in first year again, when
they transferred to other colleges or universities.

When my two friends and I had finally admitted to CEU, we promised each other that time that we
would make better results. I once told to my friend, "If ever I would become a Dean's Lister here, from
all the painful experienced we've encountered, I would cry." [char! (2x) :)))] My expectation to myself
during that time is to get passing grades, or better for me to get at least 2.00. My classmates and I were
surprised when we found out that I was able to make grades better than 2.00, using just half of my
effort (because I felt partially relaxed there. haha!), especially when they mentioned that my grades
here in CEU can be qualified in running for Dean's List and scholarship. I really cannot expect that would
happen to me. Thank God! :) However, I didn't cry. hehe.:)) God gave me one of the purpose why I was
sent at CEU, to help others who really needs help in their studies or work.:) I am happy to help others,
doing it for God's glory, but not the abusive ones. This proves that God never leaves me, nor forsakes
me. Whenever certain things doesn't work well, and one really did his/her very best, then it just means
that THERE'S SOMETHING BETTER FOR TO CREATE A BETTER DESTINY FOR A PERSON WITH
MEANINGFUL PURPOSE.:)

I learned that whenever failures come, and we really did our best, I shall not compare myself too much
with others who did their best and became successful (through their good results) because they just
have their own destiny, and that each person has its own individual purpose for God! :) And that, I shall
not lose hope and not give up, just keep on MOVING ON. Time will come that God will give us better
plans for our future. It is up to us on how we handle well our way and destiny.:) Whenever you feel that
you cannot handle your destiny for your future well, HOLD ON TO GOD WITH YOU FAITH IN HIM.:)
TRUST HIM WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING. He will surely give
you strength and encouragement for you to move on. We should be reminded that God always sees all
our efforts and our best that we've made.:) When others cannot see what such efforts have we made,
well, God sees it! :) Just hold on with God's hand because HE WILL NEVER EVER LET US GO.:)

If God is not with me, I don't know what worse things might happen to me. What comes into my mind
when I experienced debarment was that I don't believe too much about the discouragements that I hear
from what others say, because I really did my best, and God saw it. I hoped that God will make a way for
me, and He did it! :>

VERSE REFERENCES:

Hebrews 13:5-6 "Let your conduct be without covetousness, and be content with such things that you
have, for he has said, 'I will never leave you, nor forsake you,' so that we may boldly say, 'The Lord is my
helper, and I will not fear what man shall do to me.'"

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me."

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all
your ways acknowledge HIM, and HE shall direct your path."

Thank you so much for reading! May God bless your way! :)