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T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G .
In Touch Magazine
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 NEW

REAL CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD

THE CHARLES F. STANLEY LIFE PRINCIPLES JOURNAL

God often speaks to us through His Word in our quiet times, yet the insight He
gives can be easily lost in the busyness of life. This journal guides you through the
practice of journaling to help you remember more of what He reveals to you.

FEATURES
• Beautiful artwork of Dr. Charles Stanley’s 30 Life Principles
• Blank pages for reflection and writing
• Prayer Requests section with room for God’s answers
• Scripture guide of God’s Promises for You
• Scripture verses that correspond to each Life Principle
• Reflection questions that serve as
conversation starters between you and God

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From the Publisher
Make Your Peace
 THE NIGHTLY NEWS IS filled
with difficult stories—violence,
economic collapse, political
discord. Social media, which
should help us connect with one
another, causes division and
strife as people give themselves
over to outrage. Families, too,
are damaged because of con-
flict and the pain of old wounds.
Where can we go to experience
peace in a world that seems to
have so little of it? Scripture
clearly exhorts us to find rest in
Jesus Christ, but how?
Maintaining our peace in the
Lord on a daily basis is difficult
for a variety of reasons, but we
T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G .
09
18
struggle most when the situa-
tion involves other people. They
hurt us, knowingly and unknow-
ingly. They offend our pride.
We may feel that we’ve been
overlooked, misunderstood, or
misrepresented. That we didn’t
receive something we deserved
or truly needed.
Our homes, workplaces, and
even our churches are often
marked by a lack of peace, but
it doesn’t have to be that way.
Regardless of the circumstances
happening in our lives, we can
remain tranquil, joyful people.
But there is only one solution to
this turmoil: forgiveness.
02
00
09
18 Features
OUR HOMES,
WORKPLACES, AND EVEN
OUR CHURCHES ARE
OFTEN MARKED BY A
40
Missing Forgiveness
We’ve all heard sermons about letting go of hurts
LACK OF PEACE, BUT IT and failures. It sounds good in theory, but what does
DOESN’T HAVE TO BE that process look like exactly? by Matt Woodley
THAT WAY.
Yet if we’re being honest, this
seems the least desirable of all
possible responses. Reconcilia-
tion is difficult. It’s much easier
to nurse our wounds, rehearse
the wrongs, and think of ways
to get even. And while this may
seem like the natural response,
it’s not what God intends for us.
48 IN THE

PRESENCE
OF MY ENEMY
Scripture says to forgive “just as
God in Christ also has forgiven
you” (Eph. 4:32).
Christ calls us to love and pray
for our neighbors—even those
How do you want to live? spewing hate in our direction.
Would you prefer the peace of a by Patricia Raybon
forgiving spirit, or do you want
the emotional turmoil of hold-
ing onto bitterness? My hope is
that the articles in this magazine
54 T H E E N D O F
REMEMBERING
will challenge and help you to When God says He’ll remember
consider your relationships in a our sins no more, it goes far
new way—so you can experience beyond a simple act of forgetting.
God’s peace in your heart. by Daniel Darling
Prayerfully yours,
C H A R L E S F. S TA N L E Y
60 N E I T H E R D O I
CONDEMN YOU
PHOTOGRAPH BY THE VOORHES
PHOTOGRAPH BY COREY LACK
When we’re forgiven, we’re forever
changed. But how do we live in
a world that remains the same?
by Michelle Van Loon
03 INTOUCH.ORG
Departments
09
18
09
09
18 Contributors

16
FORGIVENESS IS A
NEAR-IMPOSSIBLE
9 FA I T H | WO R K S PRACTICE. IN FACT,
The Thin Line 9 JESUS SHOWED
by Charity Singleton Craig
US THAT WITHOUT
1 Question, 4 Answers 12 EMPATHY AND Daniel Darling (“The End of Remembering,” p. 54), Patricia Raybon (“In the Presence of My Enemy,” p. 48)
Special Section UNDERSTANDING, Vice President for Communications at the Ethics and is an author and speaker who lives in Colorado.
Stories of Forgiveness
FORGIVENESS ISN’T Religious Liberty Commission, is the author of several
books, including The Original Jesus.
Her newest book is Undivided: A Muslim Daughter,
Her Christian Mother, Their Path to Peace.
The Break-In
by Joseph E. Miller
14
POSSIBLE AT ALL.
Faith Healing 16

18
by Seth Haines

Stuie!18
by Sandy Feit

Phantom Father 20
by Tim Rhodes

Streams of Mercy 22
A Lyric Essay by Christie Purifoy

24 THE PULPIT Michelle Van Loon (“Neither Do I Condemn You,” p. 60) Matt Woodley (“Missing Forgiveness,” p. 40),
is a writer, speaker, and communications consultant who Missions Pastor at Church of the Resurrection in
Is Resentment Really Worth It?  24 lives in northeastern Illinois. Her latest book is Born to Wheaton, Illinois, is the editor of preachingtoday.com

31
by Charles F. Stanley
Wander: Recovering the Value of Our Pilgrim Identity. and the author of several books, including The Gospel
Viewfinder28 of Matthew: God With Us.

31 MARGIN NOTES

The Limit of God’s Love 

by Karen H. Jobes
31
24
Chapter & Verse35 Joshua Ryan Butler (“The Great Hope for Sinners,” p. 35) is the author of The Pursuing God: A Reckless, Irrational, Obsessed
Love That’s Dying to Bring Us Home. He serves as Pastor of Restoration Church in Tempe, Arizona. ➝ Charity Singleton Craig
The Great Hope for Sinners
(“The Thin Line,” p. 9), co-author of On Being a Writer: 12 Simple Habits for a Writing Life That Lasts, is a freelance writer and editor
by Joshua Ryan Butler
from central Indiana. ➝ Sandy Feit (“Stuie!” p. 18) is the Senior Copy Editor for In Touch Magazine. ➝ Seth Haines (“Faith Heal-
A Closer Look  38 ing,” p. 14) is a writer, poet, and public speaker who lives with his family in Arkansas. ➝ Karen H. Jobes (“The Limit of God’s Love,”
p. 31) is the Gerald F. Hawthorne Professor of New Testament Greek and Exegesis, Emerita at Wheaton College and author of
ILLUSTRATIONS BY JEFF GREGORY

Come Together Letters to the Church: A Survey of Hebrews and the General Epistles. ➝ Joseph E. Miller (“The Break-In,” p. 16) is the Senior Editor
by Charles F. Stanley of Content Resources for In Touch Ministries. ➝ Christie Purifoy (“Streams of Mercy,” p. 22) is a wife, mother of four, and
author living in southeastern Pennsylvania. Her first book is Roots and Sky: A Journey Home in Four Seasons. ➝ Tim Rhodes
(“Phantom Father,” p. 20) is a Global Media Producer at In Touch Ministries.➝ John VandenOever (“Until That Day,” p. 66)
66 IN FOCUS

66
is the Director of Content Resources for In Touch Ministries.
Until That Day 66
Contributing Illustrators ➝ Matt Chase, Adam Cruft, Jeff Gregory, David Milan, Muti, Jeff Östberg
by John VandenOever
Contributing Photographers ➝ Ben Rollins, Charles F. Stanley, The Voorhes

T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G . 04 05 INTOUCH.ORG

09
18 Digital Edition
intouch.o rg/sep2018

In Touch Magazine
UNLIKE MINE, JESUS’
FORGIVENESS STICKS.
I WOULD EXPECT
PRESIDENT/PUBLISHER Charles F. Stanley NOTHING LESS, THAT
CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER C. Phillip Bowen HE WOULD FORGIVE
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF MARKETING Tom Sabonis-Chafee WHOLEHEARTEDLY
AND COMMUNICATIONS
ONCE AND MEAN IT.
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Cameron Lawrence
BUT HOW CAN YOU
MANAGING EDITOR Jamie A. Hughes
AND I OFFER SUCH
DIGITAL EDITOR Aline Mello
ASSURED FREEDOM


SENIOR COPY EDITOR Sandy Feit
WHEN WE’RE TOSSED
ASSISTANT EDITOR Dallas Hazelrig
BY UNPREDICTABLE
FLIGHTS OF EMOTION?
EDITORIAL ASSISTANT Kayla Yerden FEATURE

CREATIVE DIRECTION & DESIGN Metaleap Creative

—Kayla Yerden, “Forgiven Why Forgive?
ASSOCIATE DIRECTOR OF MARKETING Allison A. Smith Supposedly,” from the new Forgiveness happens in many different ways. Matt Woodley tells
column What You Don’t Know four true stories of radical forgiveness to inspire and encourage.
DIRECTOR OF PRINT PURCHASING David Blahnik

EXCERPT
The God Who Sees Us
The Face in My Reflection Patricia Raybon grew up feeling as if she
My daughter’s tiny unfamiliar face affected me like a strange sort
was less important because of her race.
of mirror. I held her and felt my own familiar sense of self begin
In this conversation with ALINE MELLO ,
In Touch Magazine®, September/October 2018, Vol. 4 No. 5 © 2018; all rights reserved. No unsolicited manuscripts accepted. Printed in the USA.
to shift and slide. I was a good person before I became a mother.
she recounts how dependence on God is
In Touch Ministries® Inc., P.O. Box 7900, Atlanta, GA 30357, 1-800-980-0020; In Touch Ministries of Canada, Box 4900, Markham,
Ontario L3R 6G9, 1-800-323-3747 (when dialing in Canada); In Touch Ministries of New Zealand, P.O. Box 35525, Browns Bay, Auckland Of course, I was also a sinner but only in theory. “For all have
the only way toward healing.
0753, 0800 44 68 68. All prices are in U.S. dollars unless otherwise noted. In Touch Magazine is neither responsible nor liable for any part of sinned” were familiar words to me (Rom. 3:23), yet having grown
the production or distribution of international editions, whether translated or in English, unless the edition has been licensed and authorized
out of sibling squabbles and minor teenage rebellions, I had felt
Dinner in the Driveway
by the governing staff of the domestic In Touch Magazine. Scripture quotations, unless otherwise notated or quoted from a secondary source,
are from the New American Standard Bible, 1995 update, © Lockman Foundation, 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1994, for many years that I was essentially decent, patient, and kind. When a scary event threatened to tear
1995. Quotations marked “NIV” are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used As I grew to know my daughter, I grew to know myself, and I apart the neighborhood, JAMES CAIN
by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. For subscription services, call 1-800-980-0020, or email partnerrelations@intouch.org did not like what I discovered. The veneer of goodness and and his neighbors decided to draw
(intouch@intouch.org.nz in New Zealand). Please include name and address. ISSN 2379-4801 (Print) ISSN 2379-4828 (Online)
self-control I had been living beneath was unraveled by the gift closer instead.
of my strong, sensitive, complicated daughter. I don’t think I ever
ILLUSTRATIONS BY JEFF GREGORY

had a meltdown until I became the mother of a daughter who The Middle Space of Forgiveness
melted down. I had thought myself patient, but I’d been patient Because sometimes it doesn’t happen
only because I had no one to test my patience. As my daughter all at once, ASHLEY HALES explores the
learned to say ball and daddy and no!, I learned to say I’m sorry. distance between deciding to forgive and
 Christie Purifoy actually forgiving.

T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G . 06 07 INTOUCH.ORG

09
18 Faith | Works

STAFF
PICKS

  IN THE EARLY days of our

marriage as my husband and I
FIELD GUIDES FOR INNER STRENGTH adapted to life as a couple, some-

Build your spiritual fortitude with these recommended Life Principles Study Guides,
The Thin Line times we acted as if we were
still living separate, individual
which will lead you toward wholeness and maturity in Christ. Suitable for personal Sometimes it’s not forgiveness we need to extend, but love.
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or group study, these three guides will illuminate the path to experiencing nize chores without consulting
forgiveness, emotional renewal, and strength in adversity. BY CHARITY SINGLETON CRAIG 
him and expect him to pitch in
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 FA I T H | W O R K S
and forget to tell me. While he
mostly shrugged off my insen-
sitivity, I routinely got my feel-
ings hurt. The problem was, I
assumed he should know I was
upset, even if he didn’t.
While we’ve gotten better
at communication, we haven’t
solved all the problems of two
sinners trying to make a life
together. We’ll always have to
deal with the worst parts of
ourselves bumping up against
each other.
But marriage isn’t the only
situation that forces people to
confront daily offenses. The
same dynamic is at play in all
kinds of relationships—with
parents, roommates, cowork-
ers, neighbors, children, and
friends. Maybe you’ve been
there yourself?
Left unchecked, these kinds of
regular, minor infractions can
be nursed into bitterness, which
leads to all kinds of animosity
and discord.
In Luke 17, Jesus warns against
these kinds of “stumbling blocks”
in our relationships. Surprisingly,
He places the greater responsi-
bility on the one offended rather
than the offender. For instance,
if a brother sins, it’s the role of
the offended to rebuke him. If he
repents, the one wronged should
forgive. If needed, repeat the pro-
cess over and over, even seven
times, Jesus says (v. 4). Clearly
He knows something about
relationships.
But in Matthew’s account of
this same story, we see Peter
pushing back. Really? Seven
times? I have to forgive my
brother seven times? Jesus
responds by upping the ante
to “seventy times seven”—and
T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G .
not only that, but He also tells a
story about a servant who, after
being forgiven a very large debt,
demands repayment of a much
smaller debt owed to him. Upon
hearing of the double standard,
the master, who originally for-
gave the very large debt, throws
the servant in prison. “Should
you not also have had mercy on
your fellow slave, in the same
way that I had mercy on you?”
the master asks (18:33).
It’s a fair question. The long
list of infractions that occur in
my life travel both ways: I’m both
the offender and the offended.
But I often don’t experience it
that way. True, in the big issues,
my sensitive conscience usu-
ally propels me toward speedy
reconciliation. And I’m quick
to forgive others, too, when it
comes to major offenses. But
in those daily interactions with
Certainly there are times
when I need to confront
sin and extend forgiveness.
But more often, what
I really need is to love.
10
my husband and sons, or with
friends or coworkers—when
someone utters an unkind
word or eats the leftovers I
had planned for my lunch or
stretches the truth to make the
situation look better than it
is—I struggle. I don’t remember
all the times I’ve made the same
hurtful comments or taken the
same offensive actions toward
others. I assume the role of vic-
tim, and if I forgive at all, it’s
out of a sense of self-righteous
magnanimity.
But that’s not the kind of for-
giveness Jesus is calling us to.
We can’t smugly brush each oth-
er’s sins under the rug because
we think we’re so much better.
That’s why He calls us to some-
thing different in this parable.
It’s why He tells the disciples to
forgive “from your heart” (v. 35).
Because often, forgiveness is just
a small part of what’s needed.
What we’re really lacking is a
greater sense of love.
In fact, I often confuse the
need to forgive with the need to
love. Certainly there are times
when I need to confront sin and
extend forgiveness, even in the The Lord’s forgiveness
day-to-day offenses. But more
often what I really need is to of sin serves as the
love those whose sin collides
with mine. In 1 Peter 4:8, Peter basis by which we can
describes this kind of love as
“cover[ing] a multitude of sins.”
forgive others.
It’s the same kind of love Paul
calls the church to in 1 Corin-
thians 13—love that’s patient
and kind, love that isn’t easily
angered, and especially this: love
that keeps no record of wrongs
(vv. 4-7).
This kind of love isn’t easy for
those of us with thin skin, who are were never addressed, as well as But the freedom from sin that
easily offended by the sins of oth- for the ongoing presence of sin Christ offers is what allows
ers. If I had to guess, I probably that infected the whole nation, us to love as He loved: “You,
weigh out the options between the priests made an annual my brothers and sisters, were
love and forgiveness at least a atonement offering. Two goats called to be free. But do not use
dozen times a day. When I hear were brought: one sacrificed on your freedom to indulge the
a criticism or detect a sarcastic the altar, the other released to flesh; rather, serve one another
tone, suddenly my shoulders the wilderness (Lev. 16:7-10). humbly in love” (Gal. 5:13 NIV,
stiffen and my breath catches. I Together, they made the people emphasis added).
physically feel the offense and “clean from all [their] sins before Just last night, after a few
wonder whether I should say
something. Sometimes I do, and
the Lord” (v. 30), and together,
they offer a picture of how Christ
carelessly flung words, I had
the opportunity to choose again:
forgiveness is quick to follow. made atonement for us. By His Rebuke and forgive or let love
Other times I think, Love can
cover this. And it does. Love has
love, we are both forgiven of our
sin and released from its power,
cover over it? I felt the famil-
iar tension and understood the
a way of doing that.
God has a way of doing that,
just as Paul says in Romans 6:18:
“You have been set free from sin
stakes. Then I remembered the
goats, how love and forgiveness
too. From the annual sacrifice
of atonement on Yom Kippur,
and have become slaves to righ-
teousness” (NIV).
both spring from the sacrifice
Jesus made for me. And this
we get a better understand- In a perfect turnabout, it’s the time, I decided to let it go.  
ing of how love and forgive- Lord’s forgiveness of sin that
ness work together. The law of serves as the basis by which
atonement wasn’t prescribed we can forgive others. As Paul New Column: How can you tell
for the particular sins of the writes, “Be kind to one another, you’ve forgiven someone? Read
people. Those were handled tender-hearted, forgiving each the first installment of the digital
through individual sin offer- other, just as God in Christ also column What You Don’t Know.
ings. But for all those sins that has forgiven you” (Eph. 4:32). intouch.org/supposedly
11 INTOUCH.ORG
 FA I T H | W O R K S
ONE QUESTION, FOUR ANSWERS
WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE FOR SOMEONE WHO IS
TRYING TO SET HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP BOUNDARIES?  temptations, potential threats, and stresses.
THIS MAY SEEM counterintuitive, but focus
on the other person’s needs rather than
your own (see Phil. 2:3). I let people walk
over me when I am overly fixated on my own
happiness. I really am not free to hang out
all day, read their manuscript, or make their
car payment. But I fear conflict or what
they’ll say about me, so I do it. Being a door-
mat seems easier.
What if my first thought weren’t What’s
easiest for me? but What’s best for them? I
might conclude they need to build
self-reliance, develop other friendships,
or learn that choices have consequences.
I would not bail them out this time—not
because I’m the selfish person they just
said I was, but because I want their highest
good. It’s surprisingly hard to set healthy
boundaries around ourselves. One key
might be to think less about ourselves.
—Michael Wittmer, Professor of Systematic
and Historical Theology at Grand Rapids
Theological Seminary and author of
T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G .
Becoming Worldly Saints: Can You Serve
Jesus and Still Enjoy Your Life?
IT’S IMPORTANT to discern when love and
wisdom require you to say no to certain
ministry opportunities—or certain rela-
tionships. For help in this, I encourage you
to seek the prayerful counsel of one or
two spiritually mature friends who know
you best and who know the Word of God.
Ask them to help you to work through two
questions as honestly as you can: First, Am
I sincerely considering the interests of Christ
(Phil. 2:21) and others (v. 4) as well as my
own? And second, Am I acting out of “faith
working through love” (Gal. 5:6) or bit-
terness? (Eph. 4:31). For example, when we
love a person struggling with active,
enslaving addiction, love may require us
to ignore all-night, crisis-laden texts. Or
love may require us move towards that
person and sacrificially help. We consider
the person’s safety, our safety, the safety
12
of our children, and preeminently, we con-
sider Christ.
—Tara Barthel, attorney, mediator,
wife, mother, and coauthor of two
books, Peacemaking Women and
Redeeming Church Conflicts
BOUNDARIES LAST ONLY as long as our hearts
are oriented rightly toward Christ and one
another. Whether family, friendship, or
romantic relationships, we must tend them
well so they blossom to full potential. We
must plant them with the seeds of the gos-
pel, a boundary that offers the greatest free-
dom from sin’s destructive impact. We must
root them in Christ for deep, strong flour-
ishing. We must water them with love that
sacrifices for the other and discerns when to
lovingly say no. We must grow them in com-
munity because we need people we can
confide in who’ll hold us accountable. Finally,
we must fence them properly to guard our
hearts and protect our relationships from
—Kristie Anyabwile, pastor’s wife and mom,
writer, and Associate Director of Women’s
Workshops at the Charles Simeon Trust
WHAT WE BELIEVE about ourselves, others,
and God will determine the health of the
boundaries we all must maintain. So if you
lack self-value, or fail to believe that you are
gaining emotional ground.
someone Christ deemed worthy to die for,
the result will be unhealthy boundaries. As a
caring person, reject the belief that you are
the savior of the world. I had that belief, and
When we struggle with unhealthy emotions, our passion for life dims and our relationships
it was very painful to identify and deal with
suffer. In Emotions: Confront the Lies. Conquer With Truth., Dr. Stanley offers practical
(but so liberating). There is already a Savior,
and every problem is not your problem. Take
solutions for overcoming destructive feelings of fear, rejection, guilt, bitterness, and
time to rest and reflect. The fourth com- despair. Sharing from his own experience, Dr. Stanley will help you find healing for hurts,
mandment is the only commandment that rebuild damaged relationships, and more fully reflect Christ’s character.
Christians passionately justify breaking.
Jesus took time out when needy crowds sur-
Softcover $12 usd
ILLUSTRATION BY DAVID MILAN
rounded Him, and the world still functioned
pretty well. The same will be true when you
take a regular Sabbath.
—Gil Odendaal, Senior Vice President,
Integral Mission at World Relief and author
of Standing With the Vulnerable
1-800-980-0020 | INTOUCH.ORG/STORE
 FA I T H | W O R K S
Forgiveness
Stories of
OFTENTIMES THE BEST
WAY T O U N D E R S TA N D
SOMETHING IS TO SEE
I T I N A C T I O N.
Illustrations by Jeff Östberg
THE BREAK - IN
BY JOSEPH E. MILLER
SAT A L O N G T H E frame of the
I waterbed, the hard edge some-
how so much less painful than
the conversation at hand. If only
my 8-year-old self could have fallen back
through the plastic, into the water, and never
be seen again.
Mom was angry. Terrified. Her emotions
seemed such a jumble, and as the only son to
a single mother I always wanted to please, I
had tried to read her in this moment. I tried
but felt entirely lost. The force of her words,
her tears, told me I had done something
unbelievably wrong. I got that to some degree
when the cops showed up to question me. But
the brunt of it was her unraveling before my
eyes. “How could you?”
EDWARD HAD EXPLAINED IT as if rules to
a board game. Of course we were going to
break into the neighbors’ apartment. Of
course we were going to find toys and candy
and treasure and whatnot. He knew the fam-
ily would be gone Sunday morning, and that
would be the perfect time to act. He was four
years older, and I ate up pretty much every lie
or half-truth he told me. Our younger accom-
plice, also named Edward, agreed but with
reservation. I asked Edward the Greater if he
was absolutely sure we wouldn’t get caught.
“They’ll be gone for hours,” he said.
That Sunday came, and we found ourselves
climbing up the exterior balcony to the second-
floor apartment. Edward the Greater helped
Edward the Lesser through an unlocked
window, and in the short space of time we
waited for him to unlock the sliding door, I
felt regret gnawing at my stomach. Before
I could turn back, the smallest of us stood
on the other side of the glass, grinning. He
unlocked it, and we ran in.
Edward’s “plan” was simple:
Hit the kitchen and look for any
sugary foods, knocking things
over on our way. Once thor-
oughly jacked on sweets, we’d
jump around the apartment like
a pack of wild monkeys, breaking
lamps and other fragile things.
Then we’d head to the kids’
rooms, looking for any stuff
worth taking.
And we pretty much stuck to
the plan. Edward stressed that
we couldn’t stay for more than
five to 10 minutes. We didn’t
really think about the noise we
were making. It was the perfect
collision of cunning and stu-
pidity. It was also exhilarating,
doing something so wrong so
brazenly.
We ended up taking only a few
things, but the apartment looked
like a war zone. Running out the
back, we headed to our secret hideout in the
woods to come down from the high.
When the cops arrived at the complex, we
were nowhere to be found. But once they
left, a curious neighbor went to the parents
of Edward the Lesser, and our partner in
crime opened the floodgates of confession,
pointing his little fingers straight at the two
of us.
The police returned, and they were not
amused. I remember them treating us as
adults. Edward the Lesser was off the hook,
because of his age and quick confession. But
the other Edward had been in police custody
before, and they detained him. He would go
to JDC, the juvenile detention center. They
told my mom they considered sending me as
well, but that since this was my first official
crime, they’d return me to her. There was one
condition: an in-person apology.
I was as afraid to face the family as I had
been to face the cops when they’d first arrived
at our door. What would the neighbors do
to me? How would they treat me? Deflated,
I sat there on the waterbed, trying to work up courage I
just didn’t have.
After Mom’s emotional lecture, we walked to the apart-
ment and knocked on the door. A dark-haired woman
came out and knelt down to meet my face, Continued on pg 16
THE FORCE OF MY MOM’S WORDS
AND TEARS TOLD ME I HAD DONE
S O M E T H I N G U N B E L I E VA B LY W R O N G .
I G O T T H AT T O S O M E D E G R E E
W H E N T H E C O P S S H O W E D U P. B U T
T H E B R U N T O F I T WA S H E R
U N R AV E L I N G B E F O R E M Y E Y E S .
15 INTOUCH.ORG
 FA I T H | W O R K S

hers still puffy from crying. I’d experience a miracle, which

Coming home from church, they seemed odd, because despite the
were in shock at the destruction. enormity of my first-grade faith,
She told me that of all the things, I didn’t feel anything miraculous
it hurt most to see their family happening.
portrait fallen to the floor, frame Within the week, I had another
and glass in pieces. I eked out an asthma attack, the suck-your-
I T O O K T H E B O N E S O F M Y S T O R Y,
embarrassed apology, staring inhaler-dry kind, and I knew
holes in my shoes. She gently the truth. I’d not been healed. WRAPPED THEM WITH WRONG
took my face in her hands, lifted And if I hadn’t been healed, I
my head, and said eye to eye, “I hadn’t had enough faith. And if C O N C L U S I O N S , FA S H I O N E D A
forgive you.” I couldn’t conjure enough faith, B O D Y O F D O U B T, A N D C L I M B E D
That fall, the whole family wasn’t my sickness my own
showed up at my front door fault? Wasn’t my wheezing evi- I N S I D E I T. T H E N I H E L D G O D — T H E
with a wrapped package. “Happy dence of my doubt?  GOD WHO HADN’T HEALED ME—
birthday!” the woman said, The details of this moment still
handing it to me. Inside were cause much pain. I was a child. AT A R M ’ S L E N G T H .
several toys, comic books, and The faith healer was an adult. He
some candy. It almost felt like a put the onus of healing on the size
joke, I was so caught off guard. of my faith, and over the years as
But I could see the sincerity in I pondered the moment, I came
her eyes. Was I actually being away with a simple set of conclu-
celebrated by these people? sions: Either God was capricious
Within months my mom in His failure to heal a faithful
remarried, and we moved two child, or He was absent. I took shake that faith healer’s voice and still believed my lack
hours away. I never saw that the bones of my story, wrapped of faith was the reason for God’s inaction. He’d cursed
family again. But I’ve never for-
gotten the woman’s response.
FAITH HEAL ING them with these conclusions,
fashioned a body of doubt, and
me with doubt, I thought, and I hated him for it. I couldn’t
stop the pain of that hatred, the pain of my lack. And so I
Her forgiveness felt like a splin- BY SETH HAINES climbed inside it. Then I held drank. A lot.
ter lodged in my mind—a foreign God—the God who hadn’t healed Life does what life does: It pokes at your pain points. But
object my body wanted to expel. me—at arm’s length. God’s mercy does what it does: It reveals the cure for those
When I came to faith in Christ a Y MOTHER AND I walked into the church sanc- The years passed and I did pain points, sobers you up from more than just the alcohol.
decade later, I saw it for what it
was: a buried seed, waiting for M tuary, where a traveling faith healer was dol-
ing out miracles—a final shot at finding relief
what any good Christian does
with a body of doubt. I covered
And when God’s mercy visited me, He showed me the cure
for my pain born of hatred and resentment—forgiveness.
the right conditions to grow.   for my severe childhood asthma. Where all it up with layers of good works. He showed me this, too: Forgiveness is a near-impossible
others had failed (pediatric specialists, allergists, chi- I studied Scripture, attended practice. In fact, Jesus showed us that without empathy
ropractors, iridologists, and freaky hippies who swung prayer meetings, and went and understanding, forgiveness isn’t possible at all.
crystals), he might succeed, my mother said, and we both on hospital visitations. Years If any man should have harbored resentment for spiri-
carried that hope through the side doors. passed, and I did my best to push tual or physical abusers, it was Jesus. The religious pow-
It was a long service, at least insofar as kids count time, the faith healer’s voice back, to ers of the day turned Him over to the political powers of
and after what seemed like hours of singing, shouting, and ignore the pain of the doubt, and the day. Those political powers—the Roman soldiers—
healing, it came to a close. That’s when my mother took me I managed just fine. scourged Him, crowned Him with thorns, nailed Him to a
by the hand and led me down the blue carpet to the front, I managed, that is, until I wooden beam. And after enduring the worst punishment
where the preacher lingered. He asked what I’d come for, couldn’t. A new season of sick- men could mete out, the Creator looked down on His cre-
and I told him I wanted to be rid of my asthma. He smiled ness had set in—the sickness of ation, religious leaders and Romans alike, and prayed,
and said, “With enough faith, all things are possible.” He my youngest son. In that sick- “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are
marked my forehead with an olive oil cross and prayed my ness, when I needed God most, doing” (Luke 23:34).
lungs would open. He claimed my healing by the precious when He didn’t come through As I began to truly experience God’s mercy, I learned
blood of Jesus. He assured me that if I believed enough, with a medical miracle, I couldn’t the practice of forgiveness by examining Continued on pg 18

T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G . 16 17 INTOUCH.ORG
 FA I T H | W O R K S

the cross, and as I did, I saw my
life in a new light. I learned to
extend the benefit of the doubt
to the man who’d robbed me of
my childhood faith. Was he a
misguided co-laborer, someone
who thought he had the gift of
healing? Was he a man of crazy
faith, one who might have hap-
hazardly wielded his theology
with the best of intentions?
Who knows? To see the heart
of man is a privilege reserved
for God. To extend the for-
giveness of Christ is the call of
the Scriptures. As I learned to
stretch into that call daily, prac-
ticing forgiveness led me to the
understanding of just how I’d
been pardoned.
The practice of forgiveness
didn’t undo the pain worked
into my life by the faith healer. It
didn’t rid me of my doubt, either.
Instead, it gave me specific lan-
guage—Father, forgive the faith
healer, for he did not know what
he was doing. And offering that
prayer day after day, I began
to sense something setting in,
something like empathy. Some-
thing like healing. Something
like sobriety. 

we chatted with Cindy and Bob

ST U I E! about their life and ours, they
asked what led to Elliot’s sur-
BY SANDY FEIT
gery. Once again, we launched
into the story of Stuie and the
painful, lengthy repercussions
OR MORE THAN 40 years, we would sneer the of his mean prank. Instead of
F name whenever it came up in conversation.
And come up, it did—with increasing fre-
the sympathy we expected,
however, Bob sensitively asked,
quency as my husband’s hip pain worsened. “Have you ever thought about
Anytime someone asked Elliot about his limp, he’d tell forgiving him?”
of that seventh grade basketball game, when Stuie inten- We hadn’t. But the seed took
tionally stuck out a leg to trip him. root. Later that evening, Elliot
The smashed knee finally mended but left a souvenir poked around on Facebook,
of the “accident”—a peculiar angle to the lower leg that found a Stuart with the right last
would, in time, prematurely wear out his right hip. The name, and sent a message ask-
first indication of trouble was the need to trade jogging ing whether he had attended our
for a lower-impact elliptical routine. Next, our neighbor- junior high school. The next day
hood walks had to be eliminated. And finally, just getting an affirmative reply arrived—
up from his desk at work became so difficult that Elliot with a phone number.
dreaded walking to the next room. It was pretty remarkable to
When the relentless pain shrouded his cheery per- have a front-row seat as this
sonality in a veil of crankiness, he finally scheduled hip unfolded. I was impressed with
replacement. We’d just recently begun attending the both Elliot’s teachability and his
church near our home and felt touched that people who promptness to comply once he
barely knew us signed up to bring meals during Elliot’s saw what God expected. Not only
convalescence. Even more than receiving some very that, but I myself felt challenged
deluxe dinners, it was a blessing to get acquainted with to reconsider how I’d been pro-
the folks bringing them. cessing certain biblical direc-
One young couple’s visit was especially memorable. As tives and applying them (or not).
statute of limitations.
Another thing about all those
F O R G I V I N G S E E M E D I R R E L E VA N T — sermons I’d listened to: In var-
ious ways, they each described
A S I F T I M E E R O D E D T H E N E C E S S I T Y. unforgiveness as an attitude that
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO OBEYING
was intended to somehow punish
the perpetrator but never suc-
G O D, T H E R E’S N O AG E C O NST R A I N T ceeded. That’s because, though
we remain keenly mindful of the
O R S TAT U T E O F L I M I TAT I O N S . wrong done to us, most often
the culprit is totally unaware of
our disgruntlement, the injury,
or the part he or she might have
played in it. Pastor after pastor
For example, I had heard many a forgiving seemed irrelevant—as alluded to the fact that unfor-
sermon about unforgiveness, but if time eroded the necessity, or giveness backfires, holding the
to be honest, I never put Elliot’s different rules applied because offended hostage while having
injury in that category. The bas- the players were just kids. But no impact on the offender.
ketball incident had taken place Bob’s question helped us see Wait a minute—our unfor-
what felt like a lifetime ago. So that when it comes to obeying giveness holds us hostage? I
now, all these decades later, God, there’s no age constraint or found that hard to Continued on pg 20

T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G . 18 19 INTOUCH.ORG
 FA I T H | W O R K S
conceptualize no matter how
often it was preached, and my
understanding remained aca-
demic at best. But now, as Elliot
punched the numbers into his
phone, all those teachings were
about to pop alive with a real-
time demonstration of how for-
giveness actually works. Only,
not the way I expected.
I had assumed that after some
initial pleasantries, a description
of the surgery, and a reminder of
its seventh grade origin, Elliot
would say something to the
effect of, “I just wanted to let you
know I forgive you.” That’s not
what happened. Instead, I was
shocked to hear him say, “I called
to ask you to forgive me, because
all these years I’ve been speaking
your name in anger.”
I suddenly realized Elliot had
forgiven his old classmate even
before placing the call, which set
him free to ask forgiveness for
his own part. As soon as he did,
that 40-year-old anger simply
vanished from us both. Though
we hadn’t recognized we were
hostages, release felt wonder-
ful. We never again felt a drop
of resentment, and never again
hissed Stuie’s name.
T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G .
PH ANTOM FATHER
BY TIM RHODES
Y FATHER’S disappearance went almost com-
M pletely unnoticed by us children. Though he
had been a constant in our life—always pres-
ent, always there—when he didn’t live under
the same roof, we for a brief time assumed he was around
the corner, just out of eyesight. Maybe he had to work
late. Perhaps he was doing chores downstairs. There was
no other place for him to be than home.
By Monday, what began as a weekend away to “figure
things out” had developed into moving out for good. I’m
not certain he returned for all of his belongings. Despite
being a town away, despite still seeing us on the occa-
sional weekend, he was a part of our lives only to the
extent that we visited him. Gone. In every scene, there
was a reminder he was missing from it. And this was true
not just of the big moments, like school events or Christ-
mas, but of the smaller ones, like watching fathers put
an arm around their kid during church, or accidentally
setting an extra plate at the dinner table. Everything we
saw and did replayed our abandonment. As though a limb
had been newly amputated.
Initially the status quo prevailed, as we waited for
my father’s eventual and certain return. Life around us
I N E V E RY S C E N E , T H E R E WA S A
R E M I N D E R T H AT H E WA S M I S S I N G
F R O M I T. E V E RY T H I N G W E S AW
A N D D I D R E P L AY E D O U R
A B A N D O N M E N T. A S T H O U G H A L I M B
H A D B E E N N E W LY A M P U TAT E D .
 and forgive.
20
continued, just as Dad continued to move on and estab- at my wit’s end. I realized there
lish a new life. Weekend visits slowly grew further apart, was nothing I could do to restore
and birthday and holiday get-togethers gradually became a relationship I had more of a
birthday and holiday phone calls, which sometimes stake in than he did. It was a low
became silence.
Every time we saw or spoke with him, Dad would
moment for me, involving ran-
dom and tearful phone calls to
emphasize how he wanted to see us more and lamented my mother, asking her not when
that it had been so long since our previous reunion. Over Dad stopped caring about us, but
time these statements began to ring more and more false. if he ever did. Forgiveness was
Bitterness and resentment started to creep in where hope the only way not to give up on
had once resided.
Before my father left, I understood the traditional blue-
him—not to give up on us.
Since that time, forgiving my
print of forgiveness: Someone hurts or wrongs you, he or father has developed into an act of
she apologizes, and you accept the apology and forgive, love toward him. I can only guess
washing your hands of the situation; then both you and his motivations, but through the
the offender grow from the experience. It has the tidiness practice of forgiving, I find myself
of a half-hour sitcom: By the end of the program, order is becoming more concerned with
restored to the universe and all is well. his troubles than my own, with a
Forgiving my father has been another matter entirely. desire to understand and empa-
If I’m being honest, it wasn’t something I did out of obe- thize with what he might be
dience and holiness, but rather a last resort, when I was going through. I sense a shift in
my thinking—from releasing him
from the hurt he has caused, to
forgiving him because I cannot
begin to imagine the sort of strug-
gles he must be dealing with.
What would cause someone to
do this to his own children? What
pain troubles him—perhaps a
pain I can’t fathom?
Forgiveness has a way of help-
ing us see past our own pain and
understand those who have
wronged us. The ongoing act of
forgiving my father is in its own
way a prayer, a way of caring
for his situation and hoping for
a better future. The ritual has
helped me be a more selfless
son, to strive for connection, and
to look for the best despite the
disappointment.
The most difficult aspect of it
all—that there continues to be
no resolution—can also be quite
beautiful: The story isn’t over.
For now, I continue to hope and
forgive, hope and forgive, hope

21 INTOUCH.ORG
 FA I T H | W O R K S

LYRIC ESSAY we needed to leave for school. It of everything from pancakes to post

STREAMS OF MERCY
should make me laugh to recall it, offices, I seem to have little time for
but I feel only shame. patience. Where is the quiet moment
by Christie Purifoy What a mercy the boys don’t for kindness, for being generous?
remember. I spoke about that day,
but they looked at me incredulously.
The paint forgotten. My yelling and I can’t remember my grandmother
Blessed are the merciful, for they how quickly his suddenly long limbs my tears forgotten, too. ever in a hurry. In my memory, she
shall receive mercy. —Matthew 5:7 carry him away from me, but he raised her voice only to cry out
trips back up the steps and throws “Mercy!” while the grandchildren

I
with one
EMERGE FROM SLEEP warm arms around my middle. How The envelope lies on the table, forgot- flung themselves from hay bales and
word on my mind: mercy. long has it been since he last offered ten. Now my husband’s offer to help dashed through rusty fences.
Behind my closed eyelids, his embrace? has become an unkindness. I grab the She fretted about broken arms and
images from dreams still car keys with a clatter and tug the broken hearts. She worried her grand-
flicker. I wonder if this mercy door—too hard—behind me. I would children might hurtle down paths that
belongs to the night retreating or the Time is a gusty wind on school morn- have tackled this errand anyway, but would carry them too far from the
day appearing. The word was spo- ings, but the air settles as I watch our now it feels like an imposition. warm wooden pews of the church.
ken in a gentle Southern voice by the children begin their walk to school. I That care felt like a too-small shoe
grandmother who died years ago: Oh, say to my husband, “Remember when rubbing a blister. Restricting. Imped-
mercy. teachers unwrapped them from our Anger ebbs at the sight of the full gas ing. But perhaps it had only been
Dream or memory? legs? Remember how they refused to tank. He must have filled it up last restricting like a hug is restricting.
Or is it prayer? let go of our hands?” night when buying milk. I hate stop- Tangled in a hug, something is given
Perhaps sensing memory’s heavy ping, standing in the cold while my and something is received, and two
hold on me, my husband offers to take clothes take on the stink of gasoline. are bound together.
We bow our heads to pray, and my an important envelope to the post My shoulders sink. Life is an
younger son spills juice over the plat- office on his drive to work: “That way impossible tangle of loveliness and
ter of freshly made pancakes. Perhaps it will get there on time, and you won’t irritation. At the end of the day, my head returns
this is why I do not yell, mired as I am in have to rush,” he says. An envelope in my hand suddenly to the imprint on the pillow. My arms
thoughts of mercy. I had served the chil- seems so much less important than are empty but still feel the bedtime
dren first, of course, and those pancakes the fact our children are hurtling hugs I gave the children. Hugs that
remaining on the platter were mine. Too many hurried moments when toward adulthood. felt like holding on and letting go.
I sigh deeply, reaching for cold patience eluded me. The morning Drifting toward sleep, I hear my
cereal. years ago when my sons drenched grandmother singing. “Streams of
themselves in every color of paint Are the children moving too fast or mercy never ceasing …”
they could pull from the craft cab- am I? With my eyes fixed on clocks, Dream or memory or prayer—
Time for school and my son tumbles inet. My dripping boys and the calendars, and lists, with my heart set “Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
from the door. I am surprised by paint-splattered carpet just when on fairness and the equal distribution bind my wandering heart to Thee.”

T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G . 22 23 INTOUCH.ORG
 The Pulpit
09
18
you” (Eph. 4:32). The admo-
nition is clear: When we are
wronged, we’re to absolve our
offender—that is, we no longer
hold any resentment, bitterness,
or grudges against the one who
caused our distress. But even
with such clear guidance, it’s dif-
ficult to comply when the wound
is painful or the offense griev-
ous. However, let’s consider
what’s at stake if we decide not
to obey God’s command.
AN UNFORGIVING SPIRIT AFFECTS US PERSON-
ALLY. Unforgiveness is like a poi-
son that spreads throughout
our body. We can’t hold onto
bitterness toward one person
and expect it to harm only one
relationship. Like a drop of ink
in a glass of water, it eventually
stains our entire being.
 It affects us internally.
Listen to what Jesus said
in a story about a man who
was forgiven much but
hostility is impossible. As much refused to forgive some-
as we may want to get along, one else: “And his lord,
there will be times when all our moved with anger, handed
Is Resentment efforts fail. We will disappoint,
hurt, and wrong people around
him over to the torturers
until he should repay all
Really Worth It? us—even those we love dearly.
And we in turn will experience
that was owed him. My
heavenly Father will also
heartaches, insults, and abuse do the same to you, if each
Holding on to grievances may seem justified, but doing so ends with ruin.
inflicted by others. of you does not forgive his
It’s important that we learn brother from your heart”
BY CHARLES F. STANLEY
how to deal with the inevi- (Matt. 18:34-35). Con-
PHOTOGRAPH BY CHARLES F. STANLEY
table wrongs and hurts we sidering how much God
suffer in life, and the remedy has forgiven us, we have
found throughout God’s Word no right to hold anything
 IF YOU’VE EVER GONE on a family vacation, traveled with cowork- is forgiveness: “Be kind to one against others. In all our
ers, or been around a group of people for an extended period of time, another, tender-hearted, for- attempts to “get even,” we
you know how difficult it can be to prevent friction and stress. Because giving each other, just as God end up being tortured by
we’re imperfect beings, avoiding conflict, misunderstanding, and in Christ also has forgiven our own bitterness.
T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G . 24
Like a drop of ink
in a glass of water,
unforgiveness eventually
stains our entire being.
 It affects us spiritually.
In addition to causing
emotional torment, unfor-
giveness stunts our spir-
itual growth, hinders our
service to God, grieves the
Holy Spirit within us, robs
us of His fruit, and gives
the devil an opportunity
to wreak havoc in our life
(Eph. 4:26-32). It’s just not
worth the cost.
It affects us physically.

Resentment invariably
changes our countenance
and damages our physical
and mental health. Godly
counselors can often trace
depression and emotional
problems back to unad-
dressed bitterness. If we
don’t deal with it, we’ll end
up being hurt twice—first
by the offense and again by
ourselves as we drink the
poison of unforgiveness.
OUR UNFORGIVENESS AFFECTS OUR RELATION-
SHIPS WITH OTHERS. Bitterness doesn’t
stop with us. Hebrews 12:15
25 INTOUCH.ORG
warns, “See to it that no one
comes short of the grace of God;
that no root of bitterness spring-
ing up causes trouble, and by it
many be defiled.” When we get
others to join us in our griev-
ances, our attitude damages
them. We actually cause them to
stumble in their walk with Christ
by falling into sin with us.
AN UNFORGIVING SPIRIT DAMAGES OUR REL A-
Unforgiveness
TIONSHIP WITH GOD.
is completely contrary to the
message of the cross. Christ
laid down His life so we could
receive forgiveness, and the
sum of our sins against God far
outweighs what anyone else
could ever do to us. It’s utter
pride to think that someone’s
offense against us is unforgiv-
able while our wrongs against
God deserve mercy.
Jesus made this very clear
in His instructions regarding
prayer: “And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debt-
ors … For if you forgive others for
their transgressions, your heav-
enly Father will also Continued on pg 26
 T H E P U L P I T

forgive you. But if you do not for-

give others, then your Father will In all our attempts
not forgive your transgressions”
(Matt. 6:12, 14-15).
to “get even,” we end
When a person trusts in
Christ as Savior, all of his or her
up being tortured by
sins are forgiven. And from then
on, the believer is to walk in obe-
our own bitterness.
dience before God. That’s not to
H OW TO B E C O M E A C H R ISTI A N

D
say sin is exclusively a thing of
the past; rather, when we do
wrong, we are to confess and oes forgiveness seems like a foreign concept or a sign of
receive cleansing (1 John 1:9). weakness to you? That probably means you’ve never had
But if we let the sin of unforgive-
ness remain, we can expect our initial step is important, you” (Luke 6:27, 31). In our an encounter with Jesus Christ and the transformative
heavenly Father to discipline us but you must also realize own strength, we could forgiveness He offers to those who accept Him as Savior.
(Heb. 12:7-11). that when the hurt is deep, never bring this about, but If you’re hurting or feeling alone, or if you’ve been deeply
the process may be lengthy. as believers, we have the wounded by another person or the world at large, there’s
IT’S TIME TO LET UNFORGIVENESS GO. Hold- However, you can always power of the Holy Spirit,
ing on to a grudge isn’t worth give your pain to God, who enables us to do what- hope. And it’s found at the cross.
all these awful consequences. thank Him that He’s for- ever God has commanded
Instead, deal with the resent- given you for all your trans- us. Showing kindness to The perfect relationship between God and mankind was broken when sin entered
ment, and come out of the prison gressions, and ask Him to the one who wronged us the human race and severed our communion—our unhindered connection—with
house into freedom. enable you to do the same may be the path the Lord
for the other person. wants to use for reconcil- Him. Today, our personal sins continue to be a barrier between us and Him. But the
C onfess
 it as sin. So iation. However, whether Bible teaches that “God is love” (1 John 4:8). In fact, He loves us so much that He
often we want to think of Pray
 for the offender. or not that occurs, it’s sent His Son to reconcile us to Himself (Col. 1:18-22). On the cross, Jesus defeated
an unforgiving spirit as This is one of the things still a blessing for us to sin and then rose from the grave, triumphing over death.
a noble fight for justice: I’ve found most helpful be able to release our bit-
We were wronged; the in changing my attitude terness and replace it with
offender must pay. Yet we toward those who have kindness. By choosing to live in relationship with Jesus Christ, we’re no longer slaves to the
would never want God to hurt me. It’s also some- way of life that ends in spiritual death—eternal separation from God and His
take that approach with thing Christ commands It has been said that we are never lovingkindness. Through Him alone, we can experience freedom and joy. But to be
us. His Word says, “Let us to do: “Bless those more like Christ than when we
all bitterness and wrath who curse you, pray for forgive others. The hurts and saved, we must confess from our heart that Jesus is Lord and believe that He rose
and anger and clamor and those who mistreat you” offenses we suffer should be from the dead and is alive today (Rom. 10:9).
slander be put away from (Luke 6:28). It’s amazing seen, not as causes for indig-
you, along with all mal- how God softens our heart nation and resentment but as You can have eternal life now by asking Jesus to become your Savior. Pray a prayer
ice” (Eph. 4:31). Although when we turn our pain opportunities to trust God and
what was done to us was a into prayer. let Him transform us. If we sur- like this or use your own words:
sin, we must acknowledge render our hurts to the Lord,
that our unforgiveness is Love and do good to the
 knowing He has holy purposes Lord Jesus, I believe You died so that I might be accepted as a child of God.
a sin as well. wrongdoer. Once again for them, we’ll drink of His Please forgive me, help me turn from my sins, and show me how to follow You
Jesus says, “Love your peace and joy instead of the poi-
Repent
 of it. You don’t enemies, do good to those son of bitterness.   each and every day. Thank You for saving me and giving me eternal life. Amen.
have to “get even.” Surren- who hate you,” which is
der that need into God’s basically the Golden Rule:
hands, and ask Him to root “Treat others the same Adapted from the sermon “Forgiven, but To take the next step, call 1-800-789-1473 or visit intouch.org to receive our free resource Now That You Believe: Beginning Your New Relationship With Jesus.
it out of your heart. This way you want them to treat Unforgiving” by Charles F. Stanley

T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G . 26 27 INTOUCH.ORG
T H E P U L P I T

VIEWFINDER “Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord from the heavens; praise Him in the heights! Praise Him, all His angels; praise Him, all His hosts!
Praise Him, sun and moon; praise Him, all stars of light! Praise Him, highest heavens, and the waters that are above the heavens!
Torres del Paine, Chile—Photograph by Charles F. Stanley Let them praise the name of the Lord.” —Psalm 148:1-5

T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G . 28 29 INTOUCH.ORG

GOD’S
WISDOM
IN BLACK
AND WHITE
Experience God’s majestic
creation with these dramatic
black-and-white photographs
from Dr. Stanley’s travels.
Inscribed with powerful, life-giving Scripture,
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09
18 Margin Notes
THE LIMIT OF GOD’S LOVE
Reconsidering John 3:16
BY KAREN H. JOBES  ILLUSTRATIONS BY ADAM CRUFT
 “FOR GOD SO LOVED the world, that He gave His only begotten Son …”
Probably no verse of Scripture is better known than John 3:16, as
even people who don’t habitually read the Bible—or even believe
in Christ—seem to know this verse so beloved by Christians. The
Son’s death on the cross for the forgiveness of our sin truly shows
that God’s love for the world is great.
But a closer look at the Greek adverb (houtós) that lies behind the
English word so can deepen our understanding of the apostle John’s
message to us. In The Oxford American College Dictionary (2002),
the adverb so is defined in English as “to such a great extent.” But
in the Greek, the word is used to refer to the
preceding thought, and may be translated “in
this manner” (see A Greek–English Lexicon
of the New Testament and Other Early Chris-
tian Literature).
If we consider that sense of the adverb in
John 3:16, we find that a reference to the cross
of Jesus immediately precedes the verse: “As
Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so
must the Son of Man be lifted up; so that
31 INTOUCH.ORG
 M A R G I N N O T E S
whoever believes will in Him
have eternal life” (vv. 14-15). In
other words, John is saying that
the manner in which God loves
the world is the crucifixion of
Jesus. This narrows the focus of
John’s thought from the extent
of God’s love (“so much”) to the
specific way He expressed that
love (“in this way”).
Another listing in the lexicon
defines the adverb houtós as a
word that refers to what follows,
also meaning “in this manner.”
Given this ambiguity in the Greek,
it’s interesting to observe that
what follows houtós in 3:16 is also
a reference to the crucifixion. In
fact, some modern translations
now render John 3:16 with the
adverb pointing to the thought
following it: “For this is how God
loved the world: He gave his one
and only Son” (NLT). With either
reading of the Greek adverb, the
cross of Jesus is, according to
John, where God reveals His love
for the world, and the ultimate
expression of that love.
It’s certainly correct to recog-
nize in Jesus’ sacrifice the great
extent of God’s love for the world,
but let’s reflect for a moment on
how and why the crucifixion is
such an appropriate expression
of the way God cares for us. It has
to do with forgiveness. God loves
the world deeply, but because He
is just and holy, He doesn’t offer
us a lenient love, one that looks
the other way when a trespass
occurs. Indeed, considering how
sin harms us, to let us continue
in sin wouldn’t be love at all. And
to punish our sin as it deserves
would destroy us in the process.
So, in the incarnation and cruci-
fixion of the Son, God’s love and
justice are brought together.
T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G .
In the incarnation
and crucifixion of the Son,
God’s love and justice
are brought together.
This analogy might help to ill child needs. The judge knows
clarify: A man robs a gas station, this to be true, but he has sworn
is arrested, and appears in court to uphold the law and pun-
before a judge. He confesses to ish violations of it. Clearly the
the crime but begs the judge for law had been violated, and so
mercy on the basis that he had the judge sentences the man to
never done anything criminal in the prison term demanded by
his past, and that the only reason the law. The man is distraught,
he stole the money was to pay for especially because he will not be
the medical care his desperately able to care for his child while in
32
prison. But then the judge does
something unprecedented. He
stands up, takes off his judicial
robe, and out of his compassion
announces that he will serve the
prison term in the man’s place.
The law will be upheld, but the The price paid for
man who committed the crime is
free from its consequences. forgiveness reveals both
Although this illustration is
imperfect, the resolution of God’s
the extent and the manner
justice and God’s love is similar.
While the most heinous crimi-
of God’s love for us.
nal may escape punishment by
the courts, God’s justice cannot
be escaped. But because of His
very great compassion and love,
the Son took upon Himself the
consequences of sin, coming into
the world to die on the cross in
our place. Though freely given,
forgiveness is not free; it’s costly.
The price paid for forgiveness of political expediency. The sin and needed to be pardoned.
reveals both the extent and the irregularities in the way Jesus This should teach us some-
manner of God’s love for us. was interrogated suggest that thing about the nature of for-
The mystery of the crucifix-
ion deepens when we consider
He did not receive the due pro-
cess of either Jewish or Roman
giveness. If we think we can sin
as often as we want because
how Jesus’ execution came
about. The Gospels show that
law. And death by crucifixion,
though commonly practiced by
God forgives freely, we err and
devalue His costly love in Christ.
the very people Jesus came
to save rejected Him at every
the Romans, was not sanctioned
by Jewish religion. Despite
For John tells us that Christ died
to put an end to sin in our lives
turn. John’s passion account being innocent of all accusa- (1 John 3:5-6). Another thing we
reveals the universal rejection of tions against Him, Jesus did not must learn is to do God’s work
Jesus—by both the Jewish and receive justice in this world. Yet in God’s way. Sinful means will
Gentile authorities—in the name Luke’s gospel tells us that while never lead to a godly goal. God
hanging on the didn’t commend the people
cross, Jesus asked involved in Jesus’ execution for
the Father to for- their part in His plan of redemp-
give those who put tion; they were condemned as
Him there (23:34). sinners in need of the very
Even though the redemption accomplished by
cross was both the the cross. So let us never think
culmination of God’s that by doing wrong, we can help
redemptive plan God’s work. At the same time, we
and the revelation should also recognize that God’s
of His love, those loving plan for the redemption of
implicated in Jesus’ the world can never be thwarted
death were still by sin. And that’s the great mys-
responsible for their tery of forgiveness. 
33 INTOUCH.ORG
 Dive Deeper. Soar Higher. M A R G I N N O T E S

Imagine spending your personal devotional time growing in faith with a

wise and godly friend. The Charles F. Stanley Life Principles Bible was CHAPTER & VERSE It is revolutionary to consider
written to guide you into a deeper, life-changing relationship with that the King of all the earth,
in His heart of hearts, is “full
THE GREAT HOPE FOR SINNERS
Jesus Christ. Based on Dr. Stanley’s 30 Life Principles, this study Bible
of compassion” (Ps. 116:5 NIV).
is filled with special features and helpful resources designed to provide
Like a pitcher filled to the brim
powerful insight into God’s Word. and overflowing with wine,
Starting at $39 usd On the inexhaustible mercy of God God’s identity spills over with
the richness of His mercy and
BY JOSHUA RYAN BUTLER  ILLUSTRATIONS BY ADAM CRUFT lovingkindness to His people.
The Hebrew word in both these
passages, racham, can be trans-
 “I CHEATED ON HER.” Tears welled up in Jim’s eyes as he looked lated as “mercy” or “compassion.”
across the room at his wife and continued. “I was a big shot in the busi- It’s often used in the context of
ness world. The pride got to me, and I thought I could do anything. I forgiveness, such as when Asaph
danced too close with someone at an event, one thing led to another, rejoiced that God “was merci-
and … I made the biggest mistake of my life.” ful; he forgave their iniquities”
It was the first time Jim and I ever met. We were at a dinner together (Ps. 78:38 NIV). Like Jim, we
with our spouses, and I’d asked for his story. And this was what he often experience the character
chose as a defining moment for his life. What surprised me most, how- of mercy most profoundly when
ever, was that the tears were not so much of sadness (the affair had we’re on the receiving end of for-
been two decades ago), but of deep affection, from an inexhaustible giveness. It changes the direction
well of gratitude for his wife, the love of his life. of our story and reunites us with
“She forgave me. I mean, she called me out for being an arrogant the intimacy and communion we
jerk and then set healthy boundaries. So I had to do my work for a were made for.
season to own up to what I’d become, but she forgave me.” He looked
as if he were about to break with joy as he stared with moist eyes MERCY FOR SINNERS You and I, however,
across the room at her. “I love her so much.” What made this such are often not merciful. King Sol-
a transformative moment in Jim’s life? He’d been shown mercy. omon recognized that the righ-
teous will care for the needs of
Our God is a God of mercy. Jim’s story is an appropri-
THE ESSENCE OF GOD not only people but also animals,
ate inroad to this divine attribute, because adultery is used through- whereas even “the compassion of
out the Bible to describe the variety of ways we, as God’s people, the wicked is cruel” (Prov. 12:10).
have betrayed Him. We were created for intimacy and communion The prophet Isaiah laments an
with the heavenly Father, but our enemy whose “bows will strike
idolatry and injustice have wreaked down the young men; they will
havoc on the relationship. Yet over have no mercy on infants, nor
and over again, like Jim’s wife, God will they look with compassion
reveals Himself to be merciful. on children” (Isa. 13:18 NIV).
Mercy is not just something God Human beings can be cold-
does; it’s who He is. In Exodus, God hearted beasts.
reveals His name to Moses, and Fortunately, by contrast,
guess which attribute He opens God’s mercy is inexhaustible.
with? Merciful. “The Lord, The David cried out in deep dis-
Lord God, merciful and gracious” tress, “Do not let me fall into the
(34:6 KJV). This is unprecedented. hand of man,” recognizing how
God’s name speaks to His iden- merciless people can be, and
tity—the place that goes deeper instead pleaded, “Let us now
than actions or behavior, grounded fall into the hand of the Lord
down into the roots of His essence. for His mercies are Continued on pg 36
1-800-980-0020 | INTOUCH.ORG/BIBLES

35 INTOUCH.ORG
 M A R G I N N O T E S

great” (2 Sam. 24:14). David

recognized the all-surpassing
greatness of divine compassion
that never fails.
Similarly, in the face of great Human beings
destruction, the prophet Jer-
emiah found hope in God’s
unflinching character: “The
Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed
can be coldhearted
beasts. Fortunately, by
THE REBEL.
never cease, for His compas-
contrast, God’s mercy
THE HATER.
sions never fail” (Lam. 3:22). This
means our God is the great hope
for sinners, and we can depend on is inexhaustible.
the assurance of His faithful love
even when we’ve been faithless.

God can’t be duped, however,
nor will He permit His love to
be mocked. While God is “slow
to anger,” a hard-hearted test-
ing of His patience is a bad
idea. Resolute rebellion is
ill-advised. Israel frequently
experienced judgment, in the
withdrawal of His mercy. Yet
even then, in the barren land
of exile, they knew they were
not ultimately abandoned but
found hope in God’s unfailing
covenant love (Neh. 9:17, 19, 31).
A MERCIFUL SAVIOR Jesus is the pinna-
cle of God’s mercy. When Mary
finds out she’s pregnant with
the Savior, she rejoices in song,
praising God whose “mercy
extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation,”
and who “has helped his ser-
vant Israel, remembering to be
merciful … forever” (Luke 1:50,
54-55 NIV).
Mercy is also a main charac-
teristic of Jesus’ ministry. After
exorcising a legion of demons,
He tells the liberated man to go
home and proclaim how God has
“had mercy on you” (Mark 5:19).
The sick, the blind, and the
afflicted cry out to Jesus, “Have
mercy on me!” and He gladly
responds, healing and making
them whole (Matt. 15:22; 17:15;
Mark 10:47-48). It is because of
God’s great forgiveness, Jesus
teaches, that the immoral tax
collector can cry out, “God, be
merciful to me, the sinner” and
be heard (Luke 18:13).
Ultimately, it is at the cross
that the mercy of God is most
extravagantly shown. Here
Christ meets the claims of justice
in order to set us free. Here we
plumb the depths of a God who
is “rich in mercy” (Eph. 2:4) and
reveals Himself to be the “Father
of mercies and God of all com-
fort” (2 Cor. 1:3).
God’s mercy also forms us as
the body of Christ. As Peter puts
it, “you once were not a people,
but now you are the people of
God; you had not received mercy,
but now you have received
mercy” (1 Pet. 2:10). Like a sculp-
ture shaped by skillful hands,
THE FORGIVER.
we have been chiseled into form by
the extravagant love of God.
The Lord’s mercy provokes
worship. When we recognize
the extent of God’s compassion
on our behalf, it pours fuel on the
flames of devotion and evokes
affection from the depths of our
heart. As Paul encourages us,
“by the mercies of God, to pres-
ent [our] bodies a living and holy
sacrifice, acceptable to God”
(Rom. 12:1), we offer ourselves in
worship to the One who offered
Himself for us. 
“the ConDition of your heart Determines the
DireCtion of your life.” — Charles f. stanley
In Welcome Home: Parable of the
Prodigal, Dr. Stanley examines the three
main characters in Jesus’ most famous
parable: the lost son who rebels, the older
brother who criticizes, and the father
who always loves. This three-part series
digs deep into the heart of each man to
address sin, bitterness, and the ultimate
forgiveness awaiting each of us when we
come home to the Father.
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T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G . 36
 EDITOR’S NOTE: We hope this brief study—taken from Dr. Stanley’s personal
M A R G I N N O T E S
notes—will help you explore and understand God’s Word more deeply.
A C L O S E R L O O K W I T H D R . S TA N L E Y
In this passage, the term that deserves further consider-
COME TOGETHER ation is reconciliation. In Greek, the word is katallassó—
when used to describe people, it means “to change from
enmity to friendship.”
From alienation and wrath to friendship and blessing
Our Need for Reconciliation

WITHOUT A STRONG MOTIVATION TO OBEY GOD, we’ll be lured away and find ourselves on the wrong path. According to Romans 5:8-11,
One of the reasons we might lack motivation is limited understanding of what God has
mankind has been alienated
done for us. As we read the Bible, it can be tempting to skim the text rather than dig from God by sin and abides
deeper to unearth the treasures waiting to be discovered. To help us avoid missing out,

under His righteous wrath.
let’s examine a term that will inspire us to live fully for Christ.
Furthermore, there is nothing
Begin by reading 2 Corinthians 5:17-21: we can do to bring about recon-
ciliation. It has to begin in the
loving, forgiving heart of God
(2 Cor. 5:18-19).
The Means of our Reconciliation

The only way to end the
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the estrangement between man
and God was through the death

old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now of His sinless Son. The Lord
charged all our sins to Christ’s
all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself account on the cross and made
Him the object of divine wrath.
through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, Through Christ’s death, we
become recipients of God’s
namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Him- grace, mercy, and forgiveness.
Because our sins were imputed
self, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has to Christ and His righteousness
committed to us the word of reconciliation. Therefore, we are
ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal Considering our helpless,
hopeless state before salva-
through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to tion and God’s gracious act
ILLUSTRATION BY JEFF GREGORY
of pardon and rescue, our
God. He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so hearts should overflow in
gratitude. The result should
that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. be a desire to live in obedi-
ence to Him.
T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G . 38
 “The church is not a theolog-
ical classroom. It is a conver-
sion, confession, repentance,
reconciliation, forgiveness and
sanctification center, where
flawed people place their faith
in Christ, gather to know and
love him better, and learn to
was imputed to us, there is
love others as he designed.”
nothing standing between us
—Paul David Tripp
and God (v. 21).
The Result of Reconciliation
Now all those who are “in  In the New Testament, the
Christ” become new creations, Greek term apokatallassó is
born of God’s Spirit (v. 17). The used three times, all in the Pau-
old things—our enmity and
line Epistles. The word means
alienation—have passed away,
and we have a renewed relation- “to reconcile completely” and
ship with God and a new quality refers to Christ’s atoning work
of life with godly motivations, on the cross.
interests, desires, and attitudes.
The Message of Reconciliation
Those who have been reconciled
 “Love is creative and redemp-
to God are then entrusted with
tive. Love builds up and unites;
“the word of reconciliation” hate tears down and destroys.
(v. 19). We must be careful not The aftermath of the ‘fight with
to distort the meaning or make
fire’ method … is bitterness and
it man-centered rather than
God-centered, because it’s the
chaos, the aftermath of the love
only message that can change method is reconciliation and
someone’s eternal destiny. creation of the beloved commu-
nity.” —Martin Luther King, Jr.
QUESTIONS
What emotions do the words alienated, separated, and divorced stir within

you when you think about a relationship with someone? With God?
After reconciliation, how are your emotions and actions transformed

when you experience friendship, intimacy, and acceptance in that rela-
tionship? In your relationship with God?
39 INTOUCH.ORG
 1
M I S S I N G

1 2
8 The gap between what preachers 8
say and what congregations hear

By Matt Woodley

Ph o t o g r a p h b y

FOR-
T h e V o o r h e s

GIVE-
NESS 41 INTOUCH.ORG

T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G . 40
 A S T O M 1. Sinners often sin
against each other.
2. Based on the Bible and
Jesus’ example, we
SAT
should forgive others.
3 4
8 3. Forgiving others will
benefit you; not forgiv-
ing will harm you.
4. Occasionally, preach-
ACROSS
ers will list a few
misconceptions about
forgiveness—that it
doesn’t mean condon-
ing sin, for instance.
5. Therefore, forgive
others.
FROM ME
While I passionately endorse
this list, I think Tom high-
lighted a missing piece—the
how of forgiveness. How do
you get from point one (deeply
hurt by someone) to point five
(true forgiveness)? Of course,
eating a McDonald’s fish sandwich and fries, he coolly described it’s essential to learn or relearn
how he was going to kill Dave. “That (expletive) stole my wife points two through four, but
that doesn’t always guide peo-
and then laughed in my face. I’ve hated his guts for 19 years. I ple like Tom (or me) through
have a loaded pistol strapped around my left calf. When I see the raw process of forgiveness
Dave in a few weeks, I will pull out my gun and shoot him in the for real people with deep hurts.
heart.” ¶ Trying to act calm, I dipped a few of my fries in ketchup
and explained the consequences of first-degree murder—like What Preachers Say
life imprisonment. He said it would be worth it. Tom had just
I
become a Christian, so I appealed to the Bible and Jesus’ example. had a suspicion about
He softened a bit. I read Matthew 18:21-35—the parable of the this missing piece, so I
unforgiving servant—and we discussed how Jesus had forgiven conducted a little exper-
iment. It certainly wasn’t
Tom’s numerous past sins. A deep sadness came over his face, he a statistically rigorous
heaved a sigh and blurted out, “Okay, but how? How do you for- analysis. I just started
give someone who has ruined your life?” ¶ During my 27 years talking to three groups
of people: pastors who
in pastoral/preaching ministry, I’ve heard and given many ser- preach on forgiveness, Chris-
mons on forgiving others, most of which hit the following points: tians who listen to sermons on
T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G . 42
the subject, and Christian coun-
selors who talk to clients about
their struggle to forgive. Here’s
what I found: There is a gulf
between what preachers say and
what many people need to hear
about forgiveness.
I gathered the most data on my
fellow preachers. I sent a survey
to pastors across the country,
asking them to rank 10 facets
of forgiveness on a scale of
1 (“not important”) to 5 (“very
important”). The 154 responses
were revealing. These three
statements dominated what
preachers really want to say on
the topic:
 We forgive because
God has forgiven us
(90 percent said it was
“very important”).
 Jesus gave a clear
command to forgive
others (85 percent
said it was “very
important”).
 Forgiveness is a choice
(61 percent said it
was “very important”).
The other seven items, includ-
ing “Teaching on the how of
forgiveness,” “Explaining the
difficulty of forgiveness,” and
“Using real stories about the
struggle of forgiveness,” all
plummeted to the 30 percent
“very important” range.
It’s no wonder, then, that one
of the best sermons on Preach-
ingToday.com (where I work)
doesn’t really address Tom’s
question. It has the following
solid introduction: “According
to the Bible’s presentation of
43 INTOUCH.ORG
life, we can’t get away from the
need for forgiveness in a fallen
world ... and [for growth] in
our ability to forgive others.
But how?” Yet the preacher
barely touches on that ques-
tion. Instead, after faithfully
walking through a long bibli- 8
cal text, he concludes with a
harrowing true illustration in
which a woman forgave some
thug who’d tortured and then
tried to kill her. When asked
why she forgave him, she
replied, “Well, I forgave him
because my God forgave me. It’s
as simple as that.”
What People Need to Hear
B
ut for many of us,
unfortunately, it isn’t
that simple. The writer
Elizabeth O’Connor
has captured this gulf
between preachers
and their congrega-
tions: “Despite hun-
dreds of sermons on forgiveness,
we do not forgive easily, nor find
ourselves easily forgiven. For-
giveness, we discover, is always
harder than the sermons make
it out to be.” As Philip Yancey
painfully observed, “Forgive-
ness is achingly difficult … For-
giveness is an unnatural act.”
I’ve had my own struggles
along the way, but I also have
a host of friends who are still
on the “achingly difficult” road:
Susan, the victim of a Christian
“ministry” that stole $25,000
in donated seed money for a
God-honoring film project; John,
a Nigerian friend who has seen
Muslim extremists Continued on pg 44
 blow up innocent civilians and
put a bounty on his head; Rob-
ert, a pastor whose son was
murdered; Aimee, a teacher
laid off from her private school
although she was the most qual-
ified person in her department;
5 6
8 or William, a young man whose
biological father abandoned him
and his mother. How do these
people complete the “unnatural
act” of forgiveness?
My friend Sheli has a large,
lively, and diverse social media
following, so I asked her to help
me jump-start some dialogue.
When she posted simple ques-
tions—such as “What’s the
hardest thing about forgive-
ness?”—people seldom criti-
cized the Bible’s clear teaching
on the subject; they get Jesus’
point in passages like the Lord’s
Prayer (Matt. 6:12). Instead,
they stressed that the jour-
ney to full forgiveness is often
fraught with setbacks, pain, and
gut-wrenching lament.
Consider the following com-
ments we got about the hardest
part of forgiveness:
 “Sometimes it takes
S
a long, long time to
let go—even when
you really want to
forgive.”
 “It’s harder than I
expected to forgive
someone.”
 “It is a continual
process. It comes in
waves and layers and
may take years.”
 “You need to feel the
difficult feelings, so
T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G .
that you have some-
thing to let go of when
you forgive.”
 “Forgiveness is a
continuous process.
Daily I come to the
foot of the cross and
lay my burdens down.”
 “Forgiveness doesn’t
mean we won’t have
dark moments … or days
… or thoughts that we
will have to overcome
more than once.”
It’s fair to say most preach-
ers focus on the command and
the decision to forgive—both
of which are crucial. After all,
the Bible is clear: “Bearing with
one another, and forgiving ...
just as the Lord forgave you,
so also should you” (Col. 3:13).
But most Christians need help
with the long, difficult, and
seemingly unattainable process
of forgiveness.
Finding the Missing Piece
o back to Tom’s ques-
tion: How do I for-
give? As a pastor, I’ve
found that my Chris-
tian counselor friends
serve as helpful allies.
They sometimes see
what we preachers
may not—the way people strug-
gle to apply our earnest and
biblical sermons on the topic.
This shouldn’t be surprising,
since based on my survey of
preachers, we admittedly place
a lower priority on application
44
in our sermons on this subject.
When I asked my psychologist
friend, Dr. Sandy K., about what
she has seen in her practice, she
told me, “Often people rush into
forgiveness. They want to ‘just
do it’ to soothe the situation.
But true forgiveness involves 8
acknowledging and feeling the
sting of what was lost. Hurt peo-
ple, pastors, and good church
folks often unintentionally col-
lude to sidestep that process
because it’s too painful.”
Dr. Jeff M., another Christian
counselor I respect, concurred
with this statement. Jeff said,
“Forgiveness involves grieving
well, and sometimes that means
facing hard emotions like anger. TH E RE I S A GUL F BETWE E N
Christians are often afraid to WH AT PRE ACH E RS SAY AN D WH AT
feel anger, so they jump to the
fake piety of a quick but shallow MAN Y PEOPL E N E E D TO H EAR
forgiveness without addressing AB OUT FORGI VE N ESS.
the grief and anger.” (However,
Jeff also warned that our pride
and self-righteousness could
keep us entrenched in this griev-
ing process.)
I think both Jeff and Sandy
would agree with Dr. Robert
Karen, a secular clinical psy-
chologist who claims Chris-
tians sometimes “tarnish”
forgiveness with an approach
“that ignores ordinary human
feeling.” But the Bible does not
ignore ordinary feelings—just
read a few psalms of lament
(like Psalm 13 or 55) or even
an imprecatory psalm (such
as Psalm 137). And rather
than ignore ordinary feelings,
the writer of Hebrews says of
Jesus, “In the days of His flesh,
He offered up both prayers
and supplications with loud
crying and tears” (5:7). Grief,
anger, betrayal, Continued on pg 46
45 INTOUCH.ORG
 abandonment, and sorrow—our and terrified on a dirt road in
Lord is acquainted with all of Vietnam, her village and body
these “ordinary feelings.” scorched by a napalm bomb.
Ut then set his camera aside
and rushed the 9-year-old to a
Pu t t i n g t h e Tr u t h s
hospital, where doctors saved
her life. But the journey toward
7 To g e t h e r
8 physical and spiritual healing
sludge rising in my soul and
think, Why did I do that again?”
Eventually, she noticed that the
muck was receding. “I was being
filled up with something good,”
she said. “And all of it was from
the Lord; he was refilling me with
clear, perfectly pure water … I
people get hurt and close their
heart to the Lord. For them, the
black sludge of bitterness never
goes away. Other people get
hurt, but they open their heart to
the Lord. For as long as it takes,
they keep bringing the pain,
8
BUT TH E BI BLE D OES anger, and grief to Jesus. They 8

S
would take decades. was not merely saying I wanted keep bringing it to His church as
o two biblical truths Later in life, Kim came to know to become more like Jesus; by his N OT I GN ORE ORDI NARY well, asking for prayer, talking
stand side by side: God Jesus, but she still struggled to power, this transition was actu- FE E L I N GS. GRI E F, AN GE R, about it, bringing the sludge into
commands us (it’s not forgive those who had hurt her ally becoming so.” the light. Day by day, bit by bit, it
a suggestion) to for- so deeply. In her moving memoir, Like Kim, in my experience BETRAYAL , ABAN D ON ME N T, recedes and gets replaced with a
give others as we have Fire Road, she likened the bit- as both a forgiveness-struggler AN D SORROW— OUR LORD spring of forgiveness.
been forgiven in Christ, terness in her heart to an over- and a pastor to fellow strug- Shortly before he died in 1963,
and God understands flowing cup of black sludge. One glers, we seldom forgive once I S ACQUAI N TE D WI TH C. S. Lewis recounted his per-
the messy process of day she heard the Lord say, “Kim, and for all on our first attempt. AL L OF TH ESE . sonal story of forgiving a cruel
moving towards sanctification in you simply must pour the black As my friend Robert (the pas- schoolmaster who had darkened
Christ. How do those two truths sludge out. Day by day, a bit at a tor whose son was murdered) his childhood. “I’d been trying
work together? time, until there is no more dark- recounted his journey towards to do it for years,” he confessed,
Here’s a story that may help. ness there.” Whenever that com- forgiveness, I noticed he kept “[but] each time I had thought
You may not recognize the mand seemed impossible, she using phrases like “the Lord I’d done it, I found, after a week
name Phan Thi Kim Phuc, but remembered God’s instructions: was working on my heart … the or so it all had to be attempted
you’ve probably seen her. On “Day by day, a bit at a time.” Lord kept moving in my heart.” over again.” And then, suddenly,
June 8, 1972, Nick Ut, a 21-year- But it wasn’t easy. “Sometimes, Then he said, “Because for- the forgiveness stuck for good.
old American photographer, in a moment of weakness, I would giveness is not just difficult; it Lewis said it felt like learning to
snapped a black-and-white befriend my bitterness again … I is impossible without the Lord.” ride a bike—“the moment it does
photo of Kim running naked would sense that level of blackest That might be the key. Some happen it seems so easy and you
wonder why on earth you didn’t
do it years ago.”
I’ve lost touch with Tom, but
Jesus helped drain the hate from
1. Tell the truth about written form) with talk back to yourself. It the “altruistic gift” of tempted to slip back his heart. A week after our con-
TA K I N G the hurt. Don’t someone you trust. may slowly help you forgiveness. We can all into resentment, versation at McDonald’s, Tom
minimize or excuse it. see why the other remember when reread the note. told me, “I put the gun away, and
THE FIRST If something hurtful 3. Empathize with your person wronged you. someone forgave us. I started asking Jesus to help me
STEP happened, name it. abuser. Dr. Everett We felt light and free. 7. Regularly ask for release the bitterness. I guess I
Worthington, a leading 4. Bless the offender. When we forgive, we prayer. Forgiveness got your point.”
2. Feel the grief. Dr. Christian researcher Find even a small way give that same gift to requires divine power. I was happy to hear it, but of
The road to forgiveness
David Stoop writes, on forgiveness, to genuinely wish the someone else. We need both the course it wasn’t my point. It was
may be a long one, but
“An essential step in suggests that you offender well. If presence of Jesus always Jesus’ point. He’s the
there are specific steps or the forgiveness pretend the person possible, find a small 6. Commit to forgive- and the support of real answer to the how ques-
stages along the way. Based process is that we who hurt you is sitting way to do or give ness. Once you have Christian community. tion. Yes, the road to total and
on Scripture and the wise grieve what has been in an empty chair something to bless forgiven, write a note There is no better way lasting forgiveness often feels
counsel of pastors and lost.” Anger often across from you. Pour your offender. to yourself—some- to bring those two long and lonely. But the One who
Christian therapists, here accompanies the grief out your heart to him. thing as simple as, things together than gave the command always walks
are some of the most process. Take time to Then sit in his chair. Try 5. Give the gift of “Today, I forgave admitting our need besides us. Achingly difficult?
commonly mentioned steps share your grief and to see the world from forgiveness. Dr. [name] for hurting and asking others Yes. Unnatural? Yes. Impossi-
on that journey: anger (in verbal or his perspective and Worthington calls this me.” When you’re for prayer. ble? Not with Him beside us.  

T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G . 46 47 INTOUCH.ORG
 2
I N T H E

1
6
PRES- 2
6

ENCE Ph o t o g r a p h b y
T h e V o o r h e s

H o w p r a y e r s e t s t h e
48 INTOUCH.ORG
table for reconciliation

by Patricia Raybon

O F M Y

ENEMY
 W E SAT IN A balcony, never questioning my
Southern relatives about the
RESTAURANT,
oddity of so many put-downs.
Instead, I sat upstairs in the
movie house, cheering the cow-
boys, never understanding, as
writer James Baldwin said, “that
3 4
6 the Indians are you.”
NOT
Pretty crazy, the race problem
in America. Especially if you
don’t know God.
But God.
Remember those two words?
How they girded rain-soaked
Noah (Gen. 8:1), encouraged
G O SSIP ING. life-stressed Jacob (31:42 NIV),
emboldened sibling-challenged
Joseph (50:20). Standing before
his starving, cheating, double-
dealing brothers, Joseph invoked
Not griping. Not hating. Instead, the stern white man seated across from the two most grace-soaked
me—this man at work who used to bully me, who daily said bad things words of the Bible: “You meant
evil against me, but God …” (ital-
about me, not loud but loud enough so I could hear every sarcastic and ics mine).
unkind word—joined me now at lunch. Then we talked about life. ¶ That’s The apostle Paul, writing to
how it starts. Two people finally break through. ¶ We both had teenaged that argumentative young church
in Rome, summarized it this way:
children, so we fretted about them. We both have spouses, so we reflected “But God demonstrates His own
on them. We both knew disappointment, so we confessed about that. love toward us, in that while we
¶ Then finishing our meal, we toasted to our friendship and got back to were yet sinners, Christ died for
us” (Rom. 5:8). For all of us.
work. Lunch time over. Of course, back then most of us
A
went to church—worshipping in
nd this real moment almost didn’t happen. I was a newspaper our segregated glory—and many
reporter back then—scrappy, ambitious, and far too driven pastors even preached that divi-
for my own good. He was my coworker, even scrappier, more sion was God’s way. Somehow
ambitious, and far more driven than even me. We should’ve they ignored that every nation,
been fast friends from the start. tribe, people, and tongue would
But this is America. Thus, we both grew up hating by stand together before the throne
color. He in the South. Me out West. Geography didn’t mat- and before the Lamb (Rev. 7:9),
ter. In America, people learned early how to hate across the but we’d also stand alone to each
color line. For my friend, it meant learning the N-word and choosing face our judgment (2 Cor. 5:10).
to use it often. For certain, I aimed to hear
For me, it meant hearing a school teacher call me “Nobody”—and “well done.” My friend did,
seeing she believed it. too, going to church his whole
The signs agreed, saying I couldn’t use the bathroom. I couldn’t drink young life, same as I. Yet both
the water. I couldn’t eat in the restaurant. I couldn’t ride on the train of us were guilty of listening not
car. I couldn’t enter the park. I couldn’t watch the movie on the main to God but man. For my part,
floor. So I took my popcorn and cold drink upstairs to the rundown sour and angry—weary of the
T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G . 50
insults, even from a coworker—
I failed to heed the Bible’s call to
“strive for peace with everyone,
and for the holiness without
which no one will see the Lord”
(Heb. 12:14 ESV).
But forgiveness? I never con-
sidered it. At all.
In America, indeed, where the
number of African Americans
is still painfully small—still just
13 percent of the population—
bearing, as a child, the burden
of a nation’s hate while not heed-
ing God’s solutions, was heavier
than my soul could bear. As a
white friend said recently to me,
“I’m sorry this happened.”
“I am, too!” I replied, agreeing
how damaging the “race prob-
lem” has been, especially in
America.
Baldwin, again, speaking about
a notorious Southern sheriff
known in his day for brutaliz-
ing black protesters, was able to
conclude the man wasn’t a mon-
ster. “I am sure he loves his wife
and children ... But he does not
know what drives him to use the
club, to menace with the gun and
to use the cattle prod. Something
awful must have happened to a
human being to be able to put a
cattle prod against a woman’s
breasts. What happens to the
woman is ghastly. What happens
to the man who does it is in some
ways much, much worse.”
But God?
When we finally heed Him,
He invites us to step back from
our self-sufficient solutions—in
my case, “acting” friendly and
professional at work, struggling
to nullify my coworker’s racist
ridicule. Yet God wants more:
our love. As G. K. Chesterton
wrote, “The Bible tells us to
51 INTOUCH.ORG
love our neighbors, and also
to love our enemies; probably
because generally they are the
same people.”
Now here was my “neighbor,”
sitting at a desk nearby, break-
ing my heart. And God said to
love him? Our sacrificing Lord, 6
preaching the Sermon on the
Mount, said it this way: “You
have heard that it was said, ‘You
shall love your neighbor and
hate your enemy.’ But I say to
you, love your enemies and pray
for those who persecute you”
(Matt. 5:43-44).
These are exquisitely beautiful
Jesus words, but they sounded
like Greek to me. Literally. Love
my enemy? I didn’t know how
to love myself. The world’s hate
poisons love. So love was for-
eign territory. An elixir mixed
up for Hollywood movies or Top
40 songs. I could appreciate
theologian Howard Thurman’s
gorgeous explanation that “love
loves; this is its nature.”
M y wo u n d s , h oweve r,
responded then to the agnos-
tic—to authors like Neil Gaiman,
whose graphic novel for teens,
The Kindly Ones, asks: “Have
you ever been in love? Horrible,
isn’t it? It makes you so vulner-
able. It opens your chest and it
opens up your heart and it means
that someone can get inside you
and mess you up.”
But God.
After long days at work, as
I curled up on my bed at home,
pondering my coworker’s hatred,
God’s mercy reminded me to hear
my childhood Sunday school
teacher—a sweet-faced woman
who taught us that God is love.
Seated with us at little tables,
next to the felt board Continued on pg 53
 with a cut-out Jesus, she encour-
aged us, as black children, not to
repay hate with hate. If that feels
hard, she said, pray about it. She
pointed to cut-out Jesus, kneel-
ing in Gethsemane. His unreli-
able friends, snoring away, slept
5 6
6 through His agony, but how did
He cope? He prayed, our teacher
said. Prayed with total aban-
don. Take this cup! Then as my
friend, the author Elisa Morgan,
observes, He surrendered to the
hard flip side of this prayer coin:
Not My will.
Recalling this, I finally yielded:
I will pray for this white man.
M A K IN G RO O M FOR GOD C HA NGES Yes, for this enemy.
Praying for your enemy,
EV E RY T H IN G —WHAT WE HOLD and doing good for an enemy,
O N TO, W H ETHER OUR PA IN OR HIS said my sweet teacher, would
“heap burning coals on his
G O O D WAY. TA KING HIS HA ND head” (Prov. 25:22). These
R E M IN D S US WHAT WE coals, however, don’t burn your
enemy, she said. They melt your
CA N ’ T AC C O M P LISH WITHOUT HIM. enemy’s heart. Soften him up.
Then the enemy will regard you
with favor.
O f c o u rs e , t h a t ’s w h a t
happened.
God’s way never fails.
Leaving work one day, I whis-
pered, “Help him, Jesus.” But
even more, Help me.
“Oh, God,” I prayed, “help me
greet him with a smile in the
morning and send him off with
a farewell at night. Bless his
‘going out and his coming in.’
Favor his teenaged son, his over-
worked wife, his writing, and his
worries.” I prayed for his health,
his hopes, and against his hin-
drances. I prayed that his days
would go smoothly and his nights
would have peace.
I even prayed—why not?—for
his marriage, his vacation, his
finances. That his bank account
T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G . 52
would balance, his bills would
get paid, his car would keep run-
ning, and his feet would keep
walking. That God would open
up the windows of heaven and
pour out a blessing.
In my black church as a child,
I heard grownups pray like this
and heaven opened. Hurting
people got healed and helped,
blessed, and encouraged. Pray-
ing with forgiving abandon
moved mountains. Heaven, too.
Following their example, I
tried to pray likewise: “Melt
his heart.” Then I turned up the
heat. “But also mine.”
Then one ordinary day, the man
looked toward my desk. Seated in
his chair, he rolled over to mine.
Sat there a moment. I waited.
“Why haven’t we gotten
along?” he asked.
I took in a breath. “I don’t
know,” I said. I was breathing
gently. Hearing his melted heart.
Feeling my own. Matching him
breath to breath.
“It’s been a hard winter,”
he said.
I nodded, agreeing.
He hated this job, he said. Hated
the assignments he was getting.
We talked a long time. Talked
more every day afterward.
His teenaged son was a chal-
lenge. But he loved him. His
wife got mad at him. But he
loved her, too.
We laughed. Chuckled about
our spouses. Gossiped once
about our boss. Not a lot of
talking. But it was civil now. And
reasonable. Call it forgiving.
But God.
Making room for Him changes
everything—what we hold on
to, whether our pain or His good
way. Taking His hand reminds
53 INTOUCH.ORG
us what we can’t accomplish
without Him. Said evangelist
Charles Spurgeon, “I do not
believe you can hate a man for
whom you habitually pray. If
you dislike any brother Chris-
tian, pray for him doubly, not
only for his sake, but for your 6
own, that you may be cured of
prejudice and saved from all
unkind feeling.”
And then?
You can find yourselves in a
restaurant, across the street
from your office. You can order
a meal and a soda together.
Even share a slice of pie. It’s
flaky and sweet. A humble love
offering. Then you can forgive
each other, and even your coun-
try, because you did the right
thing—obey God.
He is the author of forgiv-
ing love and the miracle of for-
giveness. In Him, we reconcile.
Without hard effort. And peace-
ably, passing all understanding.
When the man moved back
East and I moved on to another
job, we sent one letter each—
wishing each other well. And
once after that, years later, he
wrote a long letter and signed it
“My best regards …”
I read that letter and concluded
only one thing. God is a mighty
God, if only we will follow.
This time, we did. Both of
us. The road to healing is long,
built heart by heart, prayer by
prayer, one by one. But when we
step onto it, God lifts the bur-
den, carrying us forward. Then
we fly high.  
Further: Read an interview
with Patricia Raybon at
intouch.org/godsees.
 3
T H E E N D
O F
We may not be able to
forget in this life, but we must
1 2
6 carry on forgiving anyway. 6
by Daniel Darling

REMEM-
BER- Ph o t o g r a p h
T h e
b y
V o o r h e s

ING 55 INTOUCH.ORG

T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G . 54

I T
3 4
HAD B E E N
6 6
SEVERAL
YEARS.
The dark clouds that hovered over my family and
my ministry had faded into the background, the
wispy remnants of another season. And then,
all of a sudden while I was speaking with an old
friend, those hurts and betrayals came rushing
back, fresh reminders of the pain inflicted by a
former friend and mentor. Immediately, I was
back fighting those same battles. Hearing those
same ugly whispers. Treading that old famil-
iar ground. I thought I was done forgiving the
person who had so brutally and inexplicably
slandered my name and nearly torpedoed my
ministry. But, alas, I wasn’t.
T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G . 56
We are often encouraged— Hebrews say God will no longer the cup to our lips and partake
sometimes by well-meaning remember our sins, the idea is of the bread. We are, in a sense,
fellow Christians—to forgive that He won’t act on them any- reliving—not forgetting—our
and forget. But I wonder if that more. His judgment, meted out transgressions, and yet we are
is possible. I wonder if it’s even on the crucified Jesus, has been celebrating God’s refusal to
biblical. How can you possibly satisfied. God is no longer judg- remember, to act against them.
forget when someone betrays ing us for our sins. Which brings us back to our
you? I’m not talking about petty In fact, I find comfort in the own forgiveness. It’s modeled
insults and regular annoyances. idea that God has not forgot- after and fueled by Christ’s for-
I’m talking about brutal and dif- ten my failures, that He knows giveness of us. “Be kind to one
ficult pain. And is forgiveness each and every time I have fallen another, tender-hearted, forgiv-
really forgetting? Did Joseph short. God sees every blem- ing each other,” Paul urges the
actually fail to recall those fear- ish and yet doesn’t judge and Ephesians, “just as God in Christ
ful nights in prison? Did David doesn’t condemn because the also has forgiven you” (4:32).
really block out of his memory judgment and condemnation God empowers us to forgive,
the images of Saul chasing after already happened when Christ because we cannot forget.
him? Did Paul truly stop think- bore my shame. This is what But this is harder in practice
ing about the brothers who’d left we are doing every time we lift than it reads on Continued on pg 58
him to his chains?
God, we are told by the
prophet Isaiah (43:25) and the
writer of Hebrews (8:12), “will
remember [our] sins no more.”
At first glance, it seems God just
forgets our sins. But does He?
I’m not so sure.
The word remember, both in
Greek and Hebrew, carries a
bit more of a holistic meaning
than simple recall. Consider,
for example, when Moses writes
of God in Exodus 2:24: “So God
heard their groaning; and God GOD E MPOWE RS US
remembered His covenant with
TO FORGI VE , BECAUSE
Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.” It’s
not as if God suddenly recalled WE CAN N OT FORGET.
that He had made a covenant
with Abraham and Isaac and
Jacob. Did I promise them some-
thing? I’m sure I wrote that down
somewhere. Oh yeah, here it is.
God doesn’t do that. We forget.
We fail to recall. We have slip-
ping, fallen, fragile memories.
But God? “His way is perfect”
writes the psalmist (18:30 NIV).
So what does it mean that God
remembers? It means God acts.
So when Isaiah and the author of
57 INTOUCH.ORG
 the page. Just when we think
we’ve put our hurts behind us,
they come back. They lurk in
the recesses of our mind. They
float to the surface every time
we hear that song or see that
image or walk past that home.
5 6
6 This is why, when Peter asked
how many times we’re to forgive,
Jesus answered, “Seventy times
seven” (Matt. 18:22). Most of us
read this as the Lord giving His
disciple some impossible math.
Jesus, however, was not giving
Peter an equation, but a lifestyle.
Forgiveness is a rhythm.
We tend to assume that those
deep and difficult hurts afflicted
on us by others have a life cycle:
We are hurt, we forgive, we
move on. But we are never the
same after pain. It always leaves
a scar, an indelible mark on our
soul. Forgiveness doesn’t erase
that mark. Rather, it gives us
a way to accept it and not let it
drive us to a life of bitterness and
revenge. It is a way to free our
soul from the prison of despair.
Jesus was actually teaching
Peter to build a habit of repen-
tance. Day after day, week after
week, year after year, for a life-
time. Jesus knew that for Peter
and for all of us, the sting of our
hurts doesn’t ever fully go away.
It drifts back, sometimes when
we least expect it, offering us the
opportunity to then press in on
the forgiveness we’ve been given
by Christ.
Peter would come to under-
stand this forgiveness more
after the cross. This time, it
was he who was the offender.
The once-stalwart apologist
became a craven sellout, trad-
ing loyalty for a few moments
of acceptance. And then, in his
T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G .
final betrayal, he caught the eye
of his Lord and the tears gushed
out. He’d failed Jesus in the most
public and humiliating way. And
yet it would be Jesus who would
demonstrate His forgiveness for
Peter in that long walk on the
beach in John 21 where, inex-
plicably, the risen Savior asked
the disciple to shepherd His new
covenant people in the church.
Ironically, Peter would not
only be tuned in to the rhythm
of forgiveness, but would also
have to, for the rest of his life,
daily draw on God’s own forgive-
ness of him. Every time a rooster
crowed—part of the ambience of
daily life in the first century—
the apostle would be reminded
of his own perfidy and God’s sus-
taining grace. And so it is, God
doesn’t forget. We don’t forget.
God forgives, and we forgive.
This reality—that I don’t have
to give forgiveness in a big, one-
time event that erases my painful
memories—was incredibly free-
ing. Ironically, it is the memories
that drive me to forgive. They
remind me of my own frailty, of
hidden patterns of unbelief, and
of God’s own gracious longsuf-
fering toward me.
Forgiving the way Jesus urged
Peter to forgive is impossi-
ble unless we regularly revisit
that scandalous scene outside
the city gates of Jerusalem.
Self-help and meditation and
bloodless religion cannot move
us from bitterness to freedom.
Only the outpouring of God’s
wrath on His own Son, and only
the defeat of sin and death in the
resurrection, and only perfect
justice can provide us with the
moral framework to offer our
own extraordinary grace toward
58
our enemies. Do this often, Jesus
said, in remembrance of Me
(Luke 22:19).
Of course, a life of forgiving
can, over time, begin to heal our
wounds. I still recall the hurts
from those many years ago.
Interestingly, as with Peter, the 6
increasing reality of my own
deep sins against others has
slowly turned some of my anger
to sadness toward the former
friend who hurt me so deeply.
And I am looking forward to that
day when I will see the end of my
remembering, when the neces-
sary rhythm of forgiveness will
no longer be needed, when Jesus
will wipe our tears away and all
will finally be made new.
When I’m triggered again by
GOD D OESN ’T FORGET.
ugly thoughts and difficult mem- WE D ON ’T FORGET.
ories, I can whisper a silent
appeal for power to forgive. I’ve
GOD FORGI VES, AN D WE FORGI VE .
come to accept this as a fea-
ture, not a bug, of the Christian
experience. I’ve stopped won-
dering why I’m not “over” the
things I think I should be “over.”
But I also don’t have to let my
hurts form a bitter crust around
my heart. I don’t have to carry
the weight of my own sense of
vengeance.
There will be a day when sev-
enty times seven is over. When
my fallen heart and mind will
no longer revisit and relive and
reimagine the darkness. When
the light of Christ will illumi-
nate and perfect us in glory. In
that day, our hearts will marvel
in awe at the way God wove the
horribleness of sin into a tap-
estry of sovereign grace, how
He superintended all of the
hurts and pains and injustices
and directed our slippery steps
toward home.  
59 INTOUCH.ORG
 4
N E I T H E R

1
5
DO 2
5

I by
Jesus
accused
w h a t

Michelle
forgave
of
the
adultery,
h a p p e n e d

Va n Loon
woman
but
a f t e r ?

Ph o t o g r a p h b y
T h e V o o r h e s

CONDEMN
60 INTOUCH.ORG

Y O U
 THE louder and louder, as if He were
MOB
deaf. Some in the crowd who’d
gathered to listen added their
voices to the rising din.
When the Teacher finally
rose, He stood for a moment
without speaking, and the crowd
3 4
grew silent. At last He spoke,
O F
5 5
His voice steady: “He who is
without sin among you, let him
be the first to throw a stone at
her.” He stood for a moment,
H O LY looking this one and that one
in the eye, unblinking, before
He once again knelt and began
tracing something she couldn’t
MEN decipher in the dust. He didn’t
look up again. After the crowd
dispersed, He rose to His feet
and met her gaze for a moment.
“Woman, where are they? Did
no one condemn you?”
had burst into her house while screaming giddy Maybe she looked down then,
bits of prayer, their words a battle cry. Their sub- feeling completely exposed yet
somehow safe. “No one, Lord.”
lime yet maniacal expressions of praise to the “I do not condemn you, either,”
Most High One were a stunning contrast to the the Teacher declared. “Go. From
violence of their actions. The men put their hands now on sin no more.”
A couple of Jesus’ disciples
on her, dragging her like a sack of garbage through came forward to let Him know
the streets of Jerusalem. She cried out and strug- that someone had invited their
gled to break free, but no one dared to intervene. group to a meal. Dazed and
unsure what to do next, the
Not when they had already declared her guilty. woman began following them.
Whether she was or not didn’t seem to matter. Following Him. Jesus turned,
shook His head no, and said with
The men pushed through a Law Moses commanded us to gentle kindness, “Go.”
crowd gathered to hear some stone such women; what then Perhaps she understood that
preacher with a Galilean accent, do You say?” if she were to follow Him, she
holding forth in an outer court Her broken heart re-shattered would have to do so at home, not
of the temple. Then they shoved at the question. simply living out the mercy she’d
her into the center of the group She stole a glance in the received, but doing so among the
before stepping away as if she Teacher’s direction and saw Him community that knew exactly
were a leper. The oldest one, staring at the same ground she’d who she was and what her
the leader of the group, raised been staring at, His index finger accusers said she’d done.
his voice in triumph and spoke tracing in the dirt. Didn’t He hear Jesus had told her to go and sin
to the preacher: “Teacher, this them? Didn’t He fear them? The no more. But He hadn’t explained
woman has been caught in adul- mob who dragged her there con- how she was supposed to live.
tery, in the very act. Now in the tinued to shout their questions, Or had He?
T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G . 62
Although this account in
John 8:1-11 is not included in
some early manuscripts, those
compiling Scripture into the
form we now have in our Bibles
decided to leave the story in
place, as it is consistent with the
ministry of Jesus found through-
out all the Gospel accounts.
I am struck by the lack of
specific instruction Jesus gave
this woman. He didn’t need to
hand her a list of dos and don’ts.
As a Jewish woman living in
Jerusalem, she knew at least
the basics about what sin was,
since she’d been accused of vio-
lating the seventh command-
ment (Ex. 20:14).
Beyond that, she may not have
been an expert in the Law, but
her accusers certainly were. The
JESUS WAS ASKI N G
H E R TO D O MORE TH AN
AVOI D SI N N I N G. H E WAS
ASKI N G H E R TO LI VE
OUT TH E ME RCY SH E’D
RECE I VE D. H E WAS ASKI N G
H E R TO FORGI VE—AN D
KE E P ON FORGI VI N G —AS
SH E’D BE E N FORGI VE N.
Torah prescribed that the death
penalty be applied to both the
male and female partner caught
in the act of adultery (Lev. 20:10;
Deut. 22:22). Further, the Law
required that those who wit-
nessed the sin would be the
ones to throw the first stones.
The word of a single witness
was not enough; there needed
to be at least two who’d literally
uncovered the intimate behavior
of an adulterous couple (17:6-7).
While death by stoning meant
a crowd would join in the pun-
ishment so no one person could
be held responsible for taking
someone’s life, the obligation to
throw the first stones belonged
to the accusers alone.
In the case of this unnamed
woman, none of this mattered
63 INTOUCH.ORG
to her challengers. Their early
morning ambush was a setup,
plain and simple. They believed
Jesus was playing fast and loose
with the Torah by healing on the
Sabbath, sharing a table with sin-
ners, and drawing crowds anx-
ious to hear what He had to say.
In order to take Him down, these
religious experts were happy to
sacrifice their obedience to the
Law they claimed to cherish.
Professor W. Hall Harris III
said of this account, “The scribes
and Pharisees must have thought
they had Jesus in the classic
‘double bind’ situation—they
could get him no matter what he
did or said. If he upheld the Law
and commanded that the woman
be stoned, they could bring accu-
sation before Pilate (since the
death penalty was not permit-
ted to the Jewish authorities),
and this could be combined with
the popular acclamations of him
as King. If, on the other hand, he
overturned the Law, he would
be discredited with the people.”
I’ll confess that my usual
reading of this text for years
was so m e t h i n g l i ke , “ B e t
you Pharisees didn’t see this
answer coming! Oh, and hey,
woman, please stop having sex-
ual relations with a man who
is not your husband.” It might
not surprise you, then, to know
that for a long time I battled the
notion that maybe my habitual
sins might “use up” God’s grace
for me. I could hear the voice of
my accuser, the enemy of my
soul, loud and clear. As a result,
I could be Pharisee-tough on
myself and sometimes carried
unrealistic expectations of oth-
ers. Maybe I secretly harbored
some sympathy for Continued on pg 64

the woman’s accusers, author-
ities who were very concerned
with proper behavior.
Author and professor William
Barclay noted that a proper
use of authority should be bent
toward seeking a wrongdoer’s
5
5 rehabilitation, adding, “Any
authority which is solely con-
cerned with punishment is
wrong; any authority, which, in
its exercise, drives a wrongdoer
either to despair or to resent-
ment, is a failure. The function
of authority is not to banish the
sinner from all decent society,
still less to wipe him out; it is to
make him into a good man. The
man set in authority must be like
a wise physician; his one desire
must be to heal.”
Jesus proved to be a wise
physician that morning in the
temple courts. He upheld the
Law perfectly, while demon-
strating His surgical skill by
separating the woman from
her old life. His stunning grace
changed everything and gave her
just what she needed in order to
walk in His ways. Jesus was ask-
ing her to do more than avoid sin-
ning. He was asking her to live
out the mercy she’d received. He
was asking her to forgive—and
keep on forgiving—as she’d been
forgiven. The only way she could
leave her life of sin was by par-
doning the man with whom she’d
been accused of having the affair,
her accusers, and herself.
Consider this: Every time she
heard her neighbors’ whispers,
she would have to forgive them
out of the overflow of the second
chance she’d been granted by
Jesus. Every time she passed one
of her accusers in the street, she
would have to drop the “stones”
T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G .
Your heart will be captivated by this dramatic visual journey from pastor and
photographer Dr. Charles Stanley. Each striking image in Landscapes of His
Grace is accompanied with thoughtful meditations and timeless Scripture
to help you discover a richer awareness of God’s greatness and His plan for
your life in Christ.
$40 usd
Filled with wonder.
FOR SO MA NY YEA R S,
P UTTING THE EMP HASIS
ON “SIN NO MOR E” IN
MY OWN LIFE TAU GHT
ME TO FO C US ON MY
R ELIGIOUS P ER FOR MA NC E.
IN D OING SO, I MA D E
GR AC E FA R LESS A MAZING
THA N IT TRU LY IS.
she might have been tempted to nothing like lifeless religious
lob. Every time she heard the performance, but instead was
name of the man with whom formed by the reality that she’d
she’d been linked in adultery, been rescued.
she would have to embrace the It is not the will to stop sinning
mercy she’d received. Every time that changed this woman, that
she saw her own past reflected is changing me, that is changing
back to her in a mirror, she would you. Philosopher Peter Kreeft
remember she’d been given new said, “Trusting God’s grace
life by the One who knew exactly means trusting God’s love for us
who she really was. rather than our love for God.”
I realize that for so many years, Most of us live out the forgive-
putting the emphasis on “sin no ness we’ve received from Him
more” in my own life taught me among at least a few people who
to focus on my religious perfor- believe we’re guilty of some kind
mance. In doing so, I made grace of moral failure: family members,
far less amazing than it truly is. coworkers, neighbors, ourselves.
I missed the power of Jesus’ Trusting His love means tasting
simple command to this woman the bitter fear of the condemna-
who’d just received a reprieve tion we deserve in order to fully
from her death sentence. He sent savor the sweetness of Jesus’
her back to her old community to words spoken directly to us: “I
live a new life—one that looked do not condemn you, either.”  
1-800-980-0020 | INTOUCH.ORG/PHOTO
64
 In Focus
Until
That Day
Through illness and a shifting
ministry landscape, Jonathan Reed
continues to move forward.
BY JOHN VANDENOEVER 
PHOTOGRAPHY BY
BEN ROLLINS
 FOR SIX HOURS he sweated
and shivered with a fever of
unknown origin; he was lying on
a hospital bed, under a tin roof,
deep within the interior of Bra-
zil. In a bed on one side of him
was a mother and her hours-old
baby, and on the other side, a
woman dying of malaria.
For seven years Jonathan
Reed and his young family
lived on the rivers of the Ama-
zon Basin, bringing the name of
Jesus to villages where people
had never been reached with the
gospel. EMT-certified, Jonathan
functioned as a jungle doctor,
running an extensive medical
clinic on his family houseboat.
Now he wanted to know what the
attending physician was putting
into his IV. “Don’t worry about
it,” he was told. Jonathan had
survived four bouts of malaria
and one of dengue fever, but this
case, which included joint swell-
ing and pain, was different. So
T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G .
09
18
Jonathan and Juan
used the Messenger as a
gateway to conversation,
with Juan absorbing all the
messages stored within.
with the thought, I’m not dying
in this place, Jonathan slipped
out his IV and took a mototaxi
back to the house.
It would be days before the
next boat arrived. As Jonathan
clung to life, his wife Jessica
packed their things and kept in
contact with specialists in the
U.S., who prepared her for the
worst. Once aboard the riv-
erboat, he collapsed and slept
through the four-day journey,
while Jessica kept an eye on him
and their three young daugh-
ters—Kezia, Maggie, and Kate.
But God preserved Jonathan.
Sweating and running a fever
during the height of the Ebola
ILLUSTRATION/PHOTO BY NAME HERE
ILLUSTRATION/PHOTO BY NAME HERE
scare, he somehow made it
back to the States. While spe-
Jonathan Reed stands in tall grass along the border of Belize and Guatemala, cialists ran tests that yielded no
his former and current bases of ministry. answers, he slowly regained his
strength. No one, from his doc-
tors to his mission organization,
was prepared to send him back
66 67 INTOUCH.ORG
to Brazil. Yet three months later
Jonathan was back in the Ama-
zon, distributing hundreds of
In Touch Messengers. “I had this
plan for months,” he says, “so I
just recuperated well enough. I
asked the doctor and she said,
“You can do a short trip, but you
just can’t live down there.” And
though his strength was low, he
took advantage of the good days
and traveled with a missionary
friend. In one month they made
their way to 18 remote villages
and experienced the joy of see-
ing many people come to faith
in Christ.
The trip also brought him into
contact with a doctor who was
able to diagnose his strange con-
dition: Chikungunya, a mosquito-
borne virus that can result in
intense and often incapacitating
joint pain. While most sufferers
will overcome the virus after
weeks or months, Continued on pg 68
 I N F O C U S

Jonathan has a chronic case Though grateful to be back

for which there is no cure. His in the field, they prayed for a
first year after infection would situation where they could be
be spent in and out of bed as he more useful. Then their housing
learned how to live with this new arrangements went sideways—a
lifelong companion. Rest would fire, a landowner’s broken agree-
be a difficult prescription for a ment, and a fruitless search for
man so hungry to bring Christ to some kind of semi-permanent
unreached native peoples. residence incrementally pushed
them south toward Punta Gorda.
U N D E R A H I G H M E TA L R O O F , A natural networker, Jonathan
before a congregation of about began partnering with other
40 people, stand two K’ekchi missionaries in the area, until
brothers-in-law. One is the one day he was asked to follow
village chief, the other its pas- up with a persistent K’ekchi pas-
tor. The chief holds a stack of tor named Juan Ishim. Jonathan
tortillas wrapped in tinfoil, was eager to meet with him and
while Pastor Juan Ishim grips would soon discover that Juan
a chalice of grape juice in both was the key to everything.
hands. As members of the con- All Juan needed was a good
gregation step forward, each mentor—for four years he’d
one pinching a tortilla from the been asking missionaries in the
stack and dipping it in the juice, city to come and train him. When
Pastor Juan says, “The body of he’d started his congregation, he
Christ, broken for you.” It’s the knew nothing about the Bible but
first communion for this church was trying to function in the role
in San Pablo, Belize. And for he’d been given by the chief. And
Jonathan, it’s a moment that Juan wasn’t the only K’ekchi pas-
was three years in the making. tor out and away from the cities.
After a year of rest and recu- There were dozens of others,
peration, Jonathan proved him- many who, like him, had been
self ready for a return to the thrust into spiritual leadership
field full-time. With a growing without training.
knowledge of his physical limita- In time, a comfortable give-
tions, the family moved to Belize, and-take relationship began to
where they’d never be terribly BELIZE LIFE develop between Jonathan and
far from an airport. (clockwise from top Juan. For the first six months
This new base offered a qui- left): The Reed family they used the Messenger as a
has lunch with Pastor
eter, less rugged life. But they Juan; Jonathan
gateway to conversation, with
were almost tripping over other shares a Messenger; Juan absorbing all the messages
missionaries and the mission Maggie twirls before stored within. As Jonathan disci-
teams that frequently visited an Awana class in pled Juan, he also provided pas-
from the States. The Reeds San Pablo; a line of toral training—how to interpret
women in Delores
struggled to find their place carry tortillas back to
a text, preach a sermon, lead a
within this heavily evangelized their homes. congregation, and administer the
area. Jonathan and Jessica sacraments. Soon what began as
shared a conviction that they a mentor-mentee relationship
were to go where others had developed into a partnership.
not been. Juan put Jonathan Continued on pg 70

T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G . 68 69 INTOUCH.ORG
 I N F O C U S
Jonathan sits behind the wheel of his Land Rover, covering the last several miles of the journey to Delores.
Pedro Pan, the final pastor to be picked up for the drive, sits atop the hood.
in contact with still more K’ek-
chi leaders, and together the two
men moved out into the byways,
leading dozens of pastors into
a deeper relationship with God
and His Word.
O N A T U E S DAY M O R N I N G ,
Reed family is on the road by
the
6 a.m., Jonathan behind the
wheel in his open-air Land
Rover, with Jessica following
in their air-conditioned Chevy
Suburban. It takes two vehicles
to transport the family, Juan,
and the pastors they’ll pick up
along the way to today’s destina-
tion—a village named Delores.
It will be the last full session for
these pastoral students, who will
receive certificates for complet-
ing their first course from the
T H O U G H T F U L FA I T H . D E V O T E D L I V I N G .
K’ekchi Bible Institute (KBI)
Guatemala.
T h e L a n d R ove r rat t l es
down the uneven dirt road,
with 5-year-old Kate curled up
close to her father’s leg. Jon-
athan barrels along, worn out
from lengthy travel days and
the work of coordinating visits
and mentoring. He’s often on his
phone, counseling the K’ekchi
pastors through the challenges
that arise within their congre-
gations. A month earlier, the
stress and exhaustion caused his
chikungunya to flare up, and he
was forced to take a few weeks’
rest. Now he’s feeling close to
burnout again. And last night’s
conversation with his 8-year-
old daughter, Kezia, is weigh-
ing on him. She came to him in
70
tears, asking when they could
just sit and talk. When we’re
not so busy, Jonathan said, con-
soling her. “When is that?” she
asked. “We’re always busy.”
Aware of Kate beside him,
Jonathan punches the hub of
his steering wheel and it emits a
funny little beep. It makes Kate
laugh, and she’s soon sitting up
straight, making a tight fist of
her own, beeping the horn, too.
They ride like this for a while,
making a lot of racket for no one
but themselves.
IN DELORES , 19 pastoral students
sit on benches in the stifling heat,
listening as Juan translates Jon-
athan’s teaching from English to
K’ekchi. The Reeds had picked up
11 of them on the way here—the
other eight live nearby, and that’s
precisely one of the challenges
in Belize. The ministers serve in
close proximity to each other,
teaching the same Word, believ-
ing the same truth, enjoying the
same worship style. A sense of
competition can easily rear up
between them, and frustrated
church members often wander
up the road to another church.
A number of the pastors ask
Jonathan what to do with “a
bad deacon,” and while Jona-
than offers the group biblical
guidelines and practical sug-
gestions, he knows much of the
problem lies in the foundation
of these pop-up congregations.
If the pastors are only now being
trained, what is the state of the
laity? The challenges are more
than one man—or even two
working in partnership—can
adequately handle.
But later, as the sky begins
to dim and the stars kindle to
life in the vast expanse, the
K’ekchi people in and around
Delores make their way to an
Jonathan has begun
to work alongside newly
trained pastors as they
put down roots in the more
than 1,000 K’ekchi villages
that have never had a
gospel-centered church.
empty field. With some walking
an hour or more, they gather
as a community for the area’s
very first screening of The
Jesus Film. A forgotten cable
nearly derails the event, but
a troop of boys heads off in a
race against the setting sun to
locate a work-around. Jonathan
reroutes his projection system,
and with his generator kick-
ing to life, the Garden of Eden
appears on the screen hanging
against the building’s exterior
wall. Six hundred K’ekchi peo-
ple pack the area—some lean-
ing against Jonathan’s truck and
others standing far off on a rise
of earth—and watch, transfixed
by the story. Afterwards, Pas-
tor Juan speaks to the throng,
emphasizing that what they’ve
seen is real, but it is not the
end. “Jesus is coming back.” He
invites each one to consider the
life of Christ and receive Him
as Savior. Then, taking note of
the high concentration of pas-
tors who’ve been in the village
for training, he adds, “Speak to
71 INTOUCH.ORG
any pastor you wish. We would
be very happy to hear from you.”
Moving to Belize was meant to
lighten the burden for the Reed
family, but the work became
taxing. It was clear to everyone
that Jonathan needed to slow
down. Yet he knew his mission
among the K’ekchi was the lead-
ing of God, with much more yet
to come. Then a solution came
into focus: If the Reed family
moved to the other side of the
K’ekchi region, they could work
directly with KBI Guatemala.
The institute needed an experi-
enced ministry leader to help the
new graduates plant churches,
and Jonathan needed a support
structure to keep him from doing
everything on his own. Juan and
his family came along, too, so
that he could be equipped to start
a future KBI center in Belize.
Today, the Reeds are well
rested after six months of lan-
guage school. They took time to
explore their new area, learn-
ing where to shop and getting to
know the neighbors. Jonathan
has begun to work alongside
newly trained pastors as they
put down roots in the more than
1,000 K’ekchi villages that have
never had a gospel-centered
church. Not only will these pas-
tors be well-grounded in Scrip-
ture, but they already have an
intimate knowledge of the life,
language, and culture of the flock
they’re leading. That’s a good
foundation for their ministry
as servants to their own people,
growing the family of God.  
See more photos of the Reeds
and their K’ekchi friends at
intouch.org/Kekchi.
 BENEDICTION

IF YOU LOVE THOSE WHO LOVE YOU, what credit is that to

you? For even sinners love those who love them.
If you do good to those who do good to you, what
credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.
If you lend to those from whom you expect to
receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend
to sinners in order to receive back the same
amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and
lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward
will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High;
for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men.
Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

—Luke 6:32-36
CAST YOUR CARES UPON THE ONE WHO CAN CARRY THEM FOR YOU. LEARN MORE AT INTOUCH.ORG/PRAY.

73 INTOUCH.ORG