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Family Deconstructed Case Study Unit 3

The following interview was conducted by Noor Sahi for HHS4U2-11, and the participant observant was

Kiran Shahzadi, a mother of 4 young adolescents. She lives in Pickering, Ontario and her husband is a

truck driver who spends a lot of his time on road to California. Mrs.Shahzadi is a born Pakistani, but

came to Canada when she approximately 14 years old, and has adapted to the Canadian culture, but is still

proud of her native culture. Mrs.Shahzadi is a highschool graduate and is a professional esthetician with

no previous mental health records.

1. Do you think there needs to be childbearing purposes?

I believe there does not need to be a specific reason, but bearing a child brings happiness to a family and

with children you can provide support and happiness to one another.

1. What makes your parenting style effective or ineffective?

I attempt to be as reasonable as possible with my kids, and when my children have obeyed me or are on

their best behaviour I am open to listen to their suggestions of what they would like to do or where they’d

like me to take them.

2. Is there ever a “right time” to have children?

There is not ever an exact time that is the perfect time, but partners should ensure that they are financially

stable to feed another mouth and are psychologically mature enough to raise an infant.

3. Do you and your family bond often? - If so, what do you consider bonding?

Unfortunately, with children being busy with school, and my husbands busy work schedule it is not

always possible, but we make time for each other when we can. We make sure to eat our meals together

and we bond during that time and spend most of our weekends going out to the beach or watching a

movie together.

4. What is your relationship like with your family?

Our relationship is quite strong, and many of my children are close to me and each other. My

children trust me, and we get along quite well. My husband are quite maritally satisfied and enjoy

spending time together.


5. When there is a family conflict due to a child’s misbehaviour, how is it resolved?

When there's any issue or one of my children is creating some sort of conflict, we tend to speak to each

other. Although this is not always effective because when we speak when the situation is heated, I may

speak to my children in a disrespectful manner or they may say something they do not mean. Overall, we

are quite communicative and tend to resolve issues by speaking it out and negotiating.

6. When your child is in need of advice, what do you do to be of assistance?

When one of my children comes to me for advice, I try to speak with an open mind and not limit his/her

options. I try to make the best suggestion possible and will be supporting and give them a push of

motivation.

7. Do you implement your culture on your children? If so - why?

Yes, I do. This creates an identity for them and my children are proud of where they come from and the

traditions we follow. This gives them uniqueness and this way I can teach them certain attitudes and how

to behave. Our meals also consist of delish meals that come from my culture and we all love it.

8. Do you believe parent-child love is unconditional - if not, why?

The relationship between you and your child should always be on the basis of love and always be

unconditional. You should not let grudges overcome you and should always love your children because

they are apart of you.

9. What do you believe contributes most to a child’s development and behaviour?

The environment a child is raised in is the most important. If a child grows up with loving parents and a

good atmosphere which consists of healthy relationships with their primary family, the child is likely to

grow up happier and have higher self-esteem.

10. What are your thoughts on overly-permissive parents?

Parents who do no create boundaries are putting their children at risk of depression. Being so “cool” with

your kids isn’t healthy. You should be friends with your children, but not best friends. There needs to be a

line and ensure you are still guiding them and making sure they are safe.

11. Why do you think children with over-strict parents tend to have insecurity and low self esteem
issues?

This may be because the child is not given the right to make any of their own choices, and have no other

option but to obey the parent. Otherwise, they will be punished and this creates a sense of fear in the

child's mind.

12. Why do you believe physical security between a parent-child is important?

This gives the child a sense of secure attachment and they feel more safe. The child needs a parent to be

their agent of socialization in order to develop healthier.

13. Do you parent your children similarly to the way you were raised? Explain.

Personally, I do raise my children similarly but have not limited my experience to only parent them in one

specific style. I am open to different way of parenting because we are living in a different generation and

can’t raise our children exactly the way we were.

14. Why do parent stabilities of marriage affect a child and their development?

The stress between parents affect the children because of the routine changes, and again, the unloving

environment can seriously damage the child.The parents may be arguing constantly and naturally, that

may influence the child to behave the same way.

15. Do you feel gender roles are important when raising a child?

I believe they are somewhat important, but only to a limit. Gender roles are embedded in my culture, so it

is followed but should not be taken as serious as it use to. We live in a different world than 20 years ago,

and both genders are capable of fulfilling any responsibility to an extent.

16. Have you ever been in a position where roles were reversed and your child took over parental

roles, and took care of you? - Were there any conflicts?

A year back, I had to undergo surgery to get gallstones removed, and in that time my oldest son was

responsible of taking the kids to school, my daughter and husband were in charge of cooking meals. There

were some issues when they could not fulfill their roles of cleaning properly and were sometimes quite

lazy, but they tried their best and I was happy with that.

17. Do you and your spouse have shared roles or do you strictly believe in conventional roles?
I am a mother of 4, but I still choose to work and my husband does not have any issues with that. We are a

team, and we help each other whenever needed regardless of what it is. Some days when I am sick or very

tired, my husband will make dinner and other days he will do the laundry while I am out in the garden

mowing the lawn.

18. What roles do your children partake in?

My children are expected to clean up after themselves and I will assign them house chores when

necessary. Giving them chores gives them a sense of responsibility and is needed for the real world.

19. Has your work stress ever gotten in the way of your relationship with your child?

I work a part-time job so most of the time there are not many issues, but conflicts may appear when I get

called in for work unexpectedly and I am rushed to do everything at once. Luckily I get to spend a lot of

time with my children and have been blessed to have a close relationship with each of them.

20. Why do you think families are becoming smaller and marriages are prolonged?

Families are becoming smaller and smaller because individuals want to focus on themselves and their

career goals before starting a family or expanding. This is a very good idea because it avoids many

conflicts and people can do what makes them happy before starting a family or getting married.

21. In recent years, single-mother families have become quite popular. What do you think is the cause

of this?

This may be due to the fact that couples have begun to have children unexpectedly and are not using

proper or any protection at all, especially young couples. When the woman falls pregnant, many conflicts

appear in the relationship and it may cause the relationship to fall and split due to the lack of

communication and/or because the father wants to run away from responsibility. Because he is not

psychologically ready to raise a child.

22. Why do you think families with single parents face more issues than others?

This may be because the parent has to fulfill the responsibilities of two and does not always have

much help. Single parents can have trouble staying financially stable and may work very long hours to

provide for the family. Working so many hours away from your children may destabilize your relationship
and cause stress amongst the family.

23. Why do you think families fall apart?

Families do not trust to speak to each other and are isolated. Many parents come out as being strict, and

so the child chooses not to share anything because they may be lectured for an incident that occured.

24. What kind of parent is your husband?

My husband is a strict model type father, and tries to keep tabs on my children’s whereabouts and

personal life. When they have done something wrong, he might speak very firmly. The kids love him, but

are more close to me and I’m more open, so it all balances out.

24. 25. If you could give advice to any new parents out there, what would it be?

I would advise parents to spend lots of time with their children and make sure they are

communicative. Parents should try and keep a close relationship so that they can be involved in

their life and help them when they fall into any issues such as bullying at school.

Reviewing Mrs.Shahzadi’s interview, I have observed that she uses the Parent-child interaction parenting

style. Mrs.Shahzadi stays close to her children and approaches them when there is any misconduct. This

parenting style is a mix of the behavioural therapy and social learning theory. The social learning theory

explains that children are influenced by their parents actions and the process of how they handle

situations. Children observe the actions they witness and mimic them, and will have an impact of how

they behave in the future. Behavioural therapy is shown in Mrs.Shahzadi’s parenting style because she

attempts to reinforce behaviours that are rooted from her culture, and promotes good behaviour by

confronting misconduct and being a non-judgmental parent.

Mrs.Shahzadi implements her Pakistani culture by partially including gender roles, and teaching her

children traditions and beliefs of her culture including the daily consumption of delicious spicy south-
asian meals. Historically, many families were gender role based and not many wives took part in the

workplace. Mrs.Shahzadi is one of the many who has broken the gender role stereotype for herself and

children. She works a part-time job at the office of Beck Taxi and her and her husband work as a team

getting responsibilities in the house done.

When Mrs.Shahzadi and her children face a conflict due to a misconduct committed, she tends to be as

communicative as possible to try and resolve the issue. The outcome of this is predominantly positive and

her child understands the consequences they may be faced with. Although, in some situations the outcome

turns to be negative when the communication lacks quality and both parent and child speak

disrespectfully causing more conflict.

The Shahzadi family shares responsibilities and works together to fill their role expectations to have a

healthy functioning family development by supporting one another and supporting the family wage.

Mrs.Shahzadi’s husband, Mr.Rashid, takes responsibility to fulfill most of the family income, and help

around the house when needed. Mrs.Shahzadi does most of the household chores, and partially provides

for the family income working a part-time job. The children of this family partake in household

responsibilities and are expected to clean up after themselves.

Mrs.Shahzadi’s childbearing reasons were not specific, and Mrs.Shahzadi believes that children come

into our lives to bring happiness and be a support. Though after reviewing behaviours of the family

members, one can assume the childbearing reasons were on the basis of the social exchange theory, and

benefit each other by meeting the social, emotional, and economic requirements by creating trust,

stability, predictability for one another. Mrs.Shahzadi and her children have developed a strong and close

relationship, and provide exchange such as supports. Mrs.Shahzadi’s family has many family traditions

such as being honest and communicating when there is an issue. Another important value is the act of

being forgiving and not holding grudges in order to give unconditional love. The responsibility factor of

family value is shown and this family works together to get chores and errands done. Mrs.Shahzadi works

as a backbone parent, and is firm, but positive. She tends to set boundaries for her children and

encourages good behaviour along with reminding them to always do the right thing.

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