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Version 1.0 23-November-1989
Version 1.10 7-May-1996
donahue@resourcesforbears.com jls2@bearclan.com
Authors:
(Bob Donahue = BBC) (Jeff Stoner)
Because "Bears" mean so many things to different people, because bears come in all shapes and sizes and have
different sexual proclivities, because classified ad prices are SOOOOOO expensive, we (while eating lunch at a
Boulder, Colorado, Wendy's on Thanksgiving weekend, 1989) came up with this incredibly-scientific system to
describe bears and bear-like men.
Since we both have interests in astronomy, we are well-versed in star and galaxy classification systems, which use
prototypes to set the standards for describing things. Rather than just saying something is of "Type I" or "Type II"
(etc.), it is better to use natural features to describe an object, in particular as a continuum of a range of features.
Such is the case with bears.
Ok... Using this scheme, it shouldn't be hard to narrow a person down to within 1 sub-class, although occasionally
people may fall between two classes, and then the end result is left up to the person classifying, or one may use a
hybrid designation (for example: B7/4) for those who vary across time (in the given range they spend more time
near the first number).
Other Classifiers for Bears
While beards can be an observable trait of bears, there are other things that different people take into consideration
as to "what makes up a bear", and things that people like in their bears. So, bearing that in mind (pun intended) there
are other criteria that can/should optionally follow the "B" designation.
N.B. It is not necessary to have a "grade" for each of these traits! For each there is a "neutral" value, which basically
describes someone who is "average" or "unknown" within that trait. These "neutral" values are given below, but
would not be reported --- treat them as either "default" or "assumed".
f - "The FUR factor". Some bears are particularly hairy about the rest of their bodies, others
INCREDIBLY furry, yet others though rightfully bears, have little or no fur on their chests, arms, legs,
back, butt, etc. So, one of the following may be added to better describe a bear's fur:
f++ WAY above average fur
f+ above average fur
f furry in a bearish sense
(none) "neutral", avg. fur from a sample population of
both bears and non-bears f- below average fur
f-- WAY below average fur--"Nair-smooth to the max!"
t - "the TALLNESS factor". To describe bears that are tall or short for their frame.
t++ a virtual giant bear
t+ taller than average
t tall but not very tall
(none) average height
t- shorter than average
t-- a bear of very small stature
w - "the WEIGHT factor". For those who perfer their bears more or less fluffy.
w++ a round bear/BIG TEDDY bear
w+ a big boned bear
w bear with a tummy
(none) average weight for frame
w- a thin bear (otters!)
w-- a bony bear
Note there are now also HYBRID classes "cd" and "dc":
cd A cub with "daddy tendencies"... Sort of like a "grown up cub".
dc A daddy with cub-like tendencies/features.
dc- More daddy than cub
d+c REAL daddyish and also VERY cubbish
(etc.)
g - "the GROPE factor": This is the amount one likes to be touched or pawed etc.
g++ Love to grope/paw/touch etc. Will attack without
warning. Gives hugs to hot otherwise unknown bears on the street in open daylight.
g+ likes to be touched most of the time
g Generally outgoing with ursine affection, a little more reserved about place/person...
(none) Average amount of receptivity to being touched
g- Generally doesn't like people to invade his personal aura/lair.
g-- You touch my bod, I break your face!
m - "the MUSCLE factor"... for those who like meat on them bones.
(N.B. "semi-"official --- may be dropped w/ V2.0)
m++ Arnold Schwartzineger is that you?
m+ definitely works out or is a ranchhand
m some definition/blue collar
(none) muscle neutral
e - "the ENDOWMENT factor"... sometimes a size queen's gotta do
what a size queen's gotta do.
(N.B. "semi-"official --- may be dropped w/ V2.0)
e++ gets complete respect even from straight men
e+ gets attention
e noteworthy
(none) endowment neutral
h - "the BEHR factor"... for behrs (men without beards but bears).
You might also put a parenthesized number for the "B" designation to give an idea of WHAT the
person would look like with a beard.
h behr (moustache no beard)
h+ Definite BEHR (moustache no beard)
h- no beard OR moustache! (very rare but still cave dwelling)
r - "the RUGGED/OUTDOOR factor".
r++ "Grizzly Adams"
r+ Flannel/jeans/C&W really *are* second skin
r Spends some time outdoors/camping
(none) rugged neutral
r- prefers indoor-type activities (techie or 3-piece)
r-- never seen in the outdoors at all.
Added note: We're still working on this... Some bears have asked that we extend the system to include "beard
parameters like thickness, length, kemptnmess, etc...., so inevitably "VERSION 2" will be done... I have run across a
bear or two that for me defied "good classification", mostly because of the beard. So... we'll see.
Have fun!
BBC
This file is the canonical copy of the most current version the NBCS (Bearcode) and appears with permission of the
authors.
The Natural Bears Classification System (Bearcode) is Copyright © 1989-1999 by the authors. No reproduction of
this file in any medium is permitted without permission of the authors.