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Advertising discourages people from being different

individuals by making us all want to do the same and look the


same. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As Nowadays advertisements plays a major role in society, so there has been considerable debate about
advertising takes individuality from people . I partly agree with this assertion and believe that while it may Commented [BM1]: This verb does not have a subject and
be true for part of society , others seems to be unaffected by advertisement . make sure to read your makes the whole sentence run on. Run on means the
sentences afret you write each and before you start writing the next sentence. sentence which is incomplete in subject verb object.
Commented [BM2]: Takes individually is not
On the one hand , the power of advertising is undeniable . The aim of advertising is to outline the aspects of grammatical and therefore meaningless in English.
products to persuade people to purchase the particular product . Although adverts help people to make better Commented [BM3]: It seems that this paragraph is going
decision by giving extensive information about goods , the right of making decision is still hold held in the to prove the agree side, but this topic sentence does not do
hand of public . Also there have been variety of factors which influence on people’s choices like quality and so.
price, so not every oneeveryone makes the purchase right after they see an advert without thinking about that Commented [BM4]: Emphasize on the potentials and
particular product unless having that specific product is necessary for them . your ideas here in this features which come with a product
paragraph do not address the question as reason for the power of ads in making people look alkike and act
the same.

On the other hand , advertising industry has a lot of impact on the part of society who are easily influenced
by adverts and always wants to follow new trends . For instance , the youths are who want to buy new things Commented [BM5]: This topic sentence again does not
and most of them just collect them without using them once therefor they do not think whether they need comply with the essay structure in an agree/disagree
what they are buying or not and they just want new generation of everything and this profound tendency is question. In the first body/main paragraph you should have
agreed and in the next you should have disagreed due to
what advertisers want . Apple company has been recognised by their its practical devices, however , most certain pieces of evidence.
people in Iran buy the latest of these devices without knowing anything about the facilities and capabilities of
these powerful devices so it seems all the people of society are using the same thing . Commented [BM6]: Topic sentence should not be
followed by an example. First topic sentence. Then the first
reason and then example to prove the main reason.
In conclusion ,despite the fact that advertising influences part of society to purchase particular products in
order to reach higher sell ratio sales ,it is public decision to buy what they see in adverts and by thinking Commented [BM7]: This sentence is holding many
sentences inside it. This is confusing. Try to think logically
about product’s adverts they can preserve their individuality to be affected . and simply.

Danial zendehdel Commented [BM8]: The sentence before and after


however are not logically related and both do not relate to a
reason to prive the main idea of the paragraph.
320 words: more than word limit. This will make you more ungrammatical
First you need to work on logical ideas Commented [BM9]: Do not use informal words in task 2
essay.
Second: arrangement of paragraphs and response to the essay question type
Thirt: grammar needs special attention