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Rene Nunez

Professor Granillo

English 103

18 January 2019

Boys Will Be Boys

Society today must face our collective shortcomings when it comes to equality among

people of different gender, race, and sexuality. Feminist ideology, which advocates for women’s

rights to ensure equality of sexes, is working to mitigate this. Thanks to dedicated feminist

scholars, we now have a better understanding of how the patriarchy—male dominant cultures—

promote traditional gender roles that project men as strong and rational and women as

submissive and emotional (Tyson 85). While it would be false to say that society has not come a

long way in terms of addressing these problems but there remains a significant amount of issues

to amend. Music artists like Stella Donnelly make this evident by writing songs like "Boys Will

Be Boys." When looked through the lens of Feminist theory, “Boys Will Be Boys” criticizes the

normalization of sexual violence and victim blaming as a result of myths—social depictions of

women—and male perception of the other—dehumanization of women—in order to highlight

the damaging effects it can have on women whilst starting much needed dialogue on the subject.

Stella Donnelly's song "Boys Will Be Boys" tells the story of her friend who confides in

her that she feels at fault for her own rape. She addresses this in the first verse and then sings the

chorus which reads, "Why was she all alone/Wearing her shirt that low?/They said, 'Boys will be

boys'/Deaf to the word 'no'" (1:02 - 1:40). Donnelly’s makes the point that society does not
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always want to recognize that sexual violence exists and in turn the blame is turned on the victim

of sexual violence. The later part of the song is then directed towards the rapist and his father

who pushed the blame on the victim. To rebut this she weaponizes the sister of the rapist and

begs the questions as to whether the father would place the blame upon her if the situations were

switched. Donnelly then ends the song with a statement to her friends rapist in which she says

that "Like a mower in the morning/I will never let you rest/You broke all the bonds she gave

ya/Time to pay the fucking rent" warning the rapist that she will not allow him to get away with

his crimes undisturbed (3:19 - 4:02).

Donnelly opens up her song with the fact that her friend feels guilty for being raped

which establishes the narrative that people have conditioned her friend to place the blame on

herself. This becomes apparent when you analyze the lyrics utilizing the concepts established by

Simone de Beauvoir, a French author, existential philosopher, feminist and social theorist, and

political activist. Beauvoir asserts that women have been reduced to objects for men as a result of

men proliferating myth, denying subjectivity, and perceiving females as the other. Beauvoir

believed that social depictions of women, such as those shown in literature, television, and

music, resulted in the myth that all women’s mannerisms and motivations are uniform. These

myths are used as justification for physical and especially sexual abuse (Granillo). The effects of

the myth are present especially in the words of the rapist’s father towards the rapist which appear

in the second verse and read, "Your father told you that you're innocent/Told ya, 'Women rape

themselves'” (1:45 - 2:03). This line highlights the effect of myth in our culture and its use as

justification for sexual violence. The father of the rapist sides with his son, the rapist, and asserts

that he cannot be at fault because rape is self inflicted, but this is clearly not the case. However,

social depictions of women lead him to believe that men are infallible thus the victim is to blame.
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Donnelly recognizes that this is the case and attempts to rationalize the argument by utilizing a

hypothetical. The following lines read,“Would ya blame your little sister/If she cried to you for

help?" (2:04- 2:22). While ideally everyone would recognize the immorality of rape and the lack

of logic in the fathers rhetoric, not everyone will. Donnelly addresses these individuals by asking

the listener, by means of asking the father in lyrics, if they would blame a family member who

suffered the same situation. This hypothetical situation is also incredibly effective because it

shatters the idea of the other that was discussed by Beauvoir. Beauvoir asserts that men fail to

empathize with women on a mental, emotional, and physical level because if they accept the

myths as absolute truth then there is no need to do so. This results in men attributing

consciousness, or self, solely to themselves leaving women to be defined by men as the other

(Granillo). Donnelly recognizes that men will have difficulty empathizing with women they do

not know, so by utilizing a family member in this hypothetical situation it becomes possible for

these individuals to better understand the gravity of the situation as they are able to empathize

with immediate female relatives. Utilizing the ideas presented by Beauvoir it becomes more

apparent that the guilt felt by the friend is a manifestation of patriarchal myths bestowed upon her

by men who are unable to empathize with her.

Donnelly believes that our society's normalization of sexual violence is an issue of great

urgency and wrote this song as a means to start more necessary dialogue thus contributing to the

feminist movement. The song “Boys Will Be Boys” contributes to feminism as it is a form of

activism. Tyson asserts in his book, Critical Theory Today, that "All feminist activity, including

feminist theory and literary criticism, has as its ultimate goal to change the world by promoting

women’s equality. Thus, all feminist activity can be seen as a form of activism" (123). With this

definition we can establish that Donnelly's song is a form of activism because it attempts to
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change the world and promoting women's equality by bring attention to the issue of rape and

victim blaming. To further define the aim of Donnelly's song we can also establish that this song

addresses issues relating to the second wave of feminism which, as stated in "Harriet Martineau

& Gender Conflict Theory: Crash Course Sociology #8", is focused on female participation in

the labor force, equal pay, reproductive rights, sexual violence, educational equality, and divorce.

Donnelly’s song “Boys Will Be Boys” supports feminist ideology by advocating for change and

condemning the normalization of sexual violence.

While victim blame is a large part of what is being conveyed, there are also other issues

that Donnelly would like to bring attention to. One such issue is the diluting of the word "no."

The chorus of the song reads “They said, ‘Boys will be boys’/Deaf to, deaf to/Deaf to the

word/’No’, ‘no’, ’no’, ‘no’” (2:45 - 3:17). In 2008, feminist writers Jaclyn Friedman and Jessica

Valenti published the anthology ‘Yes means yes!,’ popularizing the phrase. California became

the first state to write affirmative consent into law in 2014 (Mettler, 2018). This is especially

important to note because although society has recognized, through legislation, that consent is an

integral part of a sexual relationship, Donnelly asserts that this legislation alone is not nearly

enough to combat the prevalence of rape. This assertion is shown to be true using Statista’s

graph of Reported Forcible Rape Rate in the United States from 1990 - 2017. This graph

illustrates that reported forcible rape has been increasing from an all time low of 25.9 cases per

100,000 people in 2013 to 30.7 cases per 100,000 people in 2017. Donnelly demonstrates that

this issue necessitates further action to be taken by repetition of her lyrics which assert that the

word ‘no’, in context of sexual consent, is being outright ignored. Lastly, Donnelly very clearly

addresses the problems inherent in the phrase “boys will be boys”. Psychology Today has an

amazing article titled "The Danger of 'Boys Will Be Boys" written by Elizabeth J. Meyer, Ph.D.,
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an Associate Dean of Students and Associate Professor of Educational Foundations, Policy, and

Practice at the School of Education at the University of Colorado, Boulder. This article explains

that the phrase "boys will be boys" prompts students to construct gender stereotypes, allows

unconscious bias to proliferate, oversimplifies significant behavioral issues, and limits the full

expression of children. While not explicitly talking about myth, Meyer asserts that because “boys

will be boys” is targeted towards a single gender it encourages the construction of gender

specific stereotypes that will often be carried with children for a very long time. Subsequently

these ideas will be internalized by young individuals and shape their interactions with people of

opposite gender. While these assertions can be applied to various gendered phrases such as

greeting a classroom as boys and girls as opposed to children “boys will be boys” is more

harmful because it encourages misinformed thinking. This expression attempts to explain

aggressive behaviors of unruly children by linking it to a biological impulse instead of

disciplining children, specifically boys, who display distasteful demeanors. I believe that this

point is specifically what Donnelly was attempting to convey in her song because it closely

resembles the attitude of the father who dismissed the actions of his son, the rapist. Donnelly

makes a point to also address the dilution of the word “no” and the detrimental effects of the

phrase “boys will be boys” strengthening her condemnation of sexual violence.

When looked through the lens of Feminist theory, “Boys Will Be Boys” criticizes the

normalization of sexual violence and victim blaming as a result of myths—social depictions of

women—and male perception of the other—dehumanization of women—in order to highlight

the damaging effects it can have on women whilst starting much needed dialogue on the subject.

Donnelly's act of activism and others like it are integral in enacting significant change to our still

flawed society. The song title alone sets a precedent for how Donnelly feels society perceives the
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issue of sexual violence. "Boys Will Be Boys" will never be an acceptable answer and is a call

for both men and women to stop the normalization of sexual violence and victim blaming as it is

a deplorable blemish on the face of modern society.

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Works Cited

Granillo, Ashley Jean. “Feminist Criticism: An Introduction” College of the Canyons. New

York:

W.W. Norton &, 2001. Print.

Mettler, Katie. “'No Means No' to 'Yes Means Yes': How Our Language around Sexual Consent

Has Changed.” The Washington Post, WP Company, 15 Feb. 2018. Retrieved from:

www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2018/02/15/no-means-no-to-yes-means-yes-

how-our-language-around-sexual-consent-has-

changed/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.bf7a20540bbe.

Meyer, Elizabeth J. “The Danger of ‘Boys Will Be Boys.’” Psychology Today, Sussex

Publishers, 14 March 2014. Retrieved from: www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/gender-

and-schooling/201403/the-danger-boys-will-be-boys.

“Stella Donnelly - 'Boys Will Be Boys' (Official Music Video)” Youtube, uploaded by Stella

Donnelly, 2 November 2017. Retrieved from:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcD9EKeCtIY

Tyson, Lois. Critical theory today: A user-friendly guide. 2nd Edition. Routledge, 2006. New

York, NY. Print.

“USA - Reported Forcible Rape Rate 1990-2017 | Timeline.” Statista, Statista, September 2018.

Retrieved from: www.statista.com/statistics/191226/reported-forcible-rape-rate-in-the-us-

since-1990/.