Who I Am

Keyla Eusebio

Salem State University

Who I Am 2

In this final paper, you will return to the “Who I Am” assignment that you wrote at the
beginning of the semester, without the benefit of knowledge about student development
theories. The purpose of this paper is to “rewrite” your essay, formally, through the lens of
student development theories. More specifically, accomplish the following five tasks in this
culminating paper:

• Identify four theories that align with your own personal identities (i.e., if you identify as
White, you should not use Cross & Fhagen Smith’s Black identity development model
but instead choose Helms’ White identity development model) that do or do not
resonate to your development as a college student
• Describe the theories
• Discuss the commonalities and differences between your college experiences and the
theories
• Provide benefits, critiques, and limitations of these theories
• In light of all you have learned about student development theories, and linking your
suggestions to the specific theories/themes addressed in this paper, how do your
multiple social identities play a role in your professional practice in higher education
and student affairs? How might you integrate social justice, equity, and inclusion into
your professional practice?

I Am Afro-Latina

My mother named me Keyla Aurora Eusebio. Although my name may not be as

authentically Dominican as Olga Ramos, I identify as a proud Afro-Latina woman. I spent many

my childhood summers in the Dominican Republic with my father and queso frito con salami is

one of my favorite homemade meals. My parents were born and bred in the deep hills of Cebú

and Bonao where their family was their world and America was only a dream. I became aware

of my identity as a Dominican-American woman when I was in elementary school. I recall

bringing lunch from home on my first day at a new school that was predominantly white. The

smell that emanated from my lunch box made my mouth water but once I opened up my

tupperware to reveal rice, beans, and pollo guizado. I heard snickers from the girls and boys

around me. A girl who I thought was my new friend said loudly “that looks like poop!” The

laughs grew louder and I felt embarrassed. I had never once thought about how different my
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lunch was compared to their bland PB and J sandwiches and pasta. From that point on, I

struggled to embrace my Afro-Latino roots well into my emerging adulthood.

The country of where I am from is on the Island of Hispaniola which is home to The

Dominican Republic (DR). The people of DR are “predominantly of mixed African and European

ethnicity” (González & Wiardia, 2017). Our ethnic makeup is rich in diversity with ancestors

from all over Europe including France, Italy, England, and Germany. We even have roots that

stretch as far away as East Asia and the Middle East (González & Wiardia, 2017). However, most

Dominicans refuse to acknowledge their African heritage and solely identify as white, Latino or

Hispanic. Shamefully, I used to be one of the people who refused to acknowledge their

blackness.

I did not always embrace my African roots. In a society that idolizes White-European

features, I grew up with a disdain for my skin color. One of the most vivid memories I have as a

child is asking my white passing Latina mother why I could not have skin as light as hers. My

mother chastised me for asking the question and reminded me that I was beautiful. Despite her

efforts to build my confidence, by the age of 10 I decided I wanted to relax my wildly curly hair.

Only then did I receive genuine acknowledgement from teachers and boys telling me that I

looked gorgeous with my hair pin straight. Unlike my hair, I could not do much to change my

skin color but stay out of the sun. My skin felt like a swear word, I never wanted to say what my

true ethnicity was out loud because no one looked like me. If I ever did dare to display my

Spanglish I would be teased with names like “spic” and “beaner.” Often times people would

assume I was black without asking about my race and speak to me in gibberish as to mimic

what they believed to be an African language. I corresponded being black and Latina with being
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unwanted so I did my best to maintain a white washed version of myself. I made sure to code

switch at the appropriate times and never speak Spanish. Over time, I became known as a

coconut amongst my close group of friends; brown on the outside and white on the inside.

However, after many years and a long journey to Latina self-love, I finally learned to love my

brown skin and thick curly hair. Now when I look in the mirror I feel empowered knowing that I

am defying the definition of typical beauty. I rejoice when I receive compliments on how

voluminous my hair is or that my brown skin looks radiant. By showcasing my true form, I feel

as though I am honoring my Dominican ancestry as a strong and unbreakable Afro-Latina

woman.

I Am Strong

One aspect of my identity that I am recently becoming more actively aware of is my gender

as a female. I now recognize the level of discrimination and lack of privilege I experience on a

daily basis especially after having enrolled in a gender inequality course in my senior year of

college. I learned about the lack of luxuries we have as women due to maintaining our

femininity and our safety. For example, rape has always been a concern for women around the

world as well as myself. I worry about walking safely to my car at night in a dimly lit parking

garage so I carry pepper spray with me. I also worry about the image I project when I wear a

skirt too short or wear too much makeup. Most men do not have to worry about these

minuscule details in their lives. On the other hand, as a woman I strive to be as confident and

unapologetic as a white man in a professional environment. Evening the playing field is an

overall goal of mine especially when white upper-class heterosexual cisgender males dominate
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almost every industry. Feminism is at the heart of a lot of my actions, especially intersectional

feminism, which has greatly contributed to developing my social justice beliefs.

Aside from my race and gender, my class and socioeconomic status has deeply influenced

the person I am today. Compared to my white middle class friends, I have earned every cent of

my own living since the ripe age of 13. My mother is on disability so I spent my summers

working full time and my winters working odd holiday hours just to save up money to buy my

own clothes and eventually college applications. I often compared myself to my friends who

had their parents pay for everything and only worked a part time job if they were bored

enough. I did not have the privilege of coming from a family with a distinguished educational

background which granted them access to better paying job opportunities as doctors and

business owners. My mother was transparent in her expectations of me and I was responsible

for attending college and paying for my own education. Working from a young age helped

develop my work ethic and while I may not have had the easiest time financially, I am now

reaping the rewards of my labor when I get hired more often than my friends because of my

extensive work history. I am proud to say that I pay my own education, rent, phone, and car

insurance bills which is more than many people my age can say. However, there was a time in

my life when I was not able to take care of myself.

I Am Almost Invincible

During my second year of college, I was diagnosed with a rare inflammatory myopathy

called Dermatomyositis which caused my skin to break out in severe rashes and caused my

muscles to stop working. Over the course of weeks, I was barely able to walk without the aid of

a walker and could not eat without a feeding tube. Eventually I took a leave of absence and I
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focused on my health. Being diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder introduced me to the

world of ableism. The most difficult part about having an invisible disease is that not many

people realized how their health and functioning body was a privilege. An instance where I

recognized that I was temporarily disabled was when I was called “lazy” by a woman on an

elevator. She scolded me for not taking the stairs to the second floor even though I could barely

stand straight without the help of holding onto something. I knew from that point that I had the

privilege of appearing healthy but the disadvantage of having an invisible disease. My anxiety

increased as a result of my diagnosis mostly due to my paranoia of what people thought of me

when I did not wear makeup to cover up the rash on my face or the fear of being called

dramatic when I could not make it out of bed. In spite of all the issues I faced, the experience

made me more optimistic about life. While my disease is a full-time job to cope with, I know my

health could be in worse shape. Being alive and now being able to walk after my diagnosis is

one of the most humbling experience and I could not be more grateful. Altogether, my race,

gender and physical ability are some of the greatest influences of who I am today.

I am Heterosexual

A privilege I never realized I had is my sexual orientation. Being heterosexual is widely

accepted by society and not many people think twice about a man or a woman holding hands.

Transitioning into my second year of college, I entered my first relationship. I discovered I was a

very affectionate person and loved holding hands and kissing my partner. At the time, I wanted

everyone to know that I was in a relationship so my public displays of affection became

borderline obnoxious. My idea of being privileged in this aspect of my identity was fully realized

when my good friend David entered his first relationship with a man. One of the first arguments
Who I Am 7

they had as a couple was because his boyfriend wanted to hold his hand in public places but

David was not yet ready. I thought he was crazy for not wanting to show affection towards him.

What I did not realize is that they did not have the same privilege as me being a gay couple.

David closely followed the news and saw that many gay couples were attacked when holding

hands with their partner. Growing up in a conservative area, he was afraid he would fall victim

to a homophobic attacker which is not something I ever had to consciously be careful of. From

then on, I dedicated myself to critically learning about discrimination and oppression the

LGBTQIA community experience. Even though I am accepting of their relationship, not everyone

shares the same ideals as me which is why I now work to be an ally to the LGBTQIA community.

Participating in Safe Zone Training and learning from my friends are ways that I try to use my

privilege to help end oppression towards this group.

I Am a Part of Student Affairs

As a Resident Advisor (RA), my abilities were tested in ways that I never would have

expected. Before I was hired, I was not always comfortable with confrontation due to my lack

of confidence. However, after extensive training and working odd hours of the night dealing

with problematic residents (most of who were twice my size) I felt prepared to deal with any

situation with certainty. Believing in myself has been a struggle most of my life but being an RA

reaffirmed that I am capable of anything if I can work in a functional area as demanding as

Housing and Residence Life.

Prior to being an RA, I was not familiar with social justice issues and how to be inclusive.

Once I began training, I was exposed to an entirely new way of thinking. Through Safe Zone and
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Diversity training, I learned about all the oppressive and ignorant habits I formed that were

harmful to other people. Being more mindful of my actions and words are what changed the

most from my time from my first year to my senior year because of being an RA. I interacted

with people from different walks of life which enabled me to utilize the tools I learned through

those training sessions and start forming healthier inclusive habits of language and action.

Overall, these unique experiences in both my personal life and college life have helped shape

who I am today. I am proud that I have managed to grow and learn how to love myself. I only

hope that I continue to grow and evolve to be the best version of myself.

References

González, N. L., & Wiardia, H. J. (2017, April 28). Dominican Republic- Settlement Patterns.

Retrieved from Encyclopaedia Britannica:

https://www.britannica.com/place/Dominican-Republic/Settlement-

patterns#toc217428

Planas, R. (2015, July 7). ‘My mother told me never to marry a black woman’: How race works in

the dominican republic. Retrieved from The World Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/07/07/dominican-republic-

racism_n_7716596.html