You Attitude

READINGS
http://www.ctconservation.org/sites/default/files/you_attitude-reader-
centered%20writing%20with%20examples.pdf
http://www.fsb.miamioh.edu/fsb/content/programs/howe-writing-initiative/HWI-handout-
writingwithyouattitude.html

KEY POINTS

You attitude is a style of writing that places the writer in the _______’s position, presenting
a clear view of the situation from the reader’s perspective. By adopting you attitude, we get
a better chance of getting the reader’s interest and desired response.

Ways of showing you-attitude

a) Looks at things from the READER'S POINT OF VIEW (not what the writer does for the
reader)
b) Shows READER BENEFIT and emphasizes what the reader wants to know and can
receive and do
c) Focuses on the POSITIVE
d) Protects the reader's ego (In positive situations, use ‘you’ more often; in negative
situations, avoid ‘you’. Use passive voice to avoid assigning blame.)
e) Expresses APPRECIATION for your readers
f) Omits feelings (your own or how you think reader will feel)

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 SECTION 1: WHOSE POINT OF VIEW?

Sample 1

Dear Customer:
We are writing this in accordance with instructions received by us from the Department
of Housing and Urban Development. We hereby advise you that information concerning
the FHA insured loan which you have with our Company is readily available to you. We
assure you that you may obtain prompt responses to any inquiries concerning your loan,
either by writing to us or by calling us and stating the nature of your inquiry to our
telephone operators. Our telephone operators are experienced and can refer your
inquiry to the proper person. Since we maintain our office in the area in which your
mortgaged property is situated, we are not obliged to accept collect long-distance calls. If
at any time you feel that your inquiry has not been promptly and courteously dealt with,
we shall very much appreciate your advising the undersigned in writing.
H. Kawasaki
Vice President & Treasurer

Sample 2

Dear Customer:

We are most happy to enclose a photo of the jewelry that we recently sold you or
appraised for you. We feel that this added service, which we are happy to extend to our
fine customers, will be useful should you wish to insure your jewelry or need to identify
it should you have the misfortune of suffering a loss. We trust you will enjoy this
additional service. We thank you for the confidence you have shown by coming to our
store.

Sincerely, Your Sales Associate

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 SECTION 2: WHOSE BENEFITS?
Reader benefits are ______________ that the reader enjoys by buying your
product/service and/or following your policies/adopting your ideas/saying yes to you.

Which example shows reader’s benefit(s)?

A1: Since we haven't written to you for some time, please help us bring our records up-to-
date by filling in and returning the other half of this card. Please fill out and return the card
by today otherwise we cannot send you regular updates as we do for other customers.
A2: For dividend checks, premium notices and other messages of importance may reach you
promptly, please: fill out and return the other half of this card.

B1: Tuesday is the only day that we can promise a quick response to purchase order
requests; we are swamped with work for the rest of the week.
B2: If you need a quick response, please submit your purchase order requests on Tuesday.

C1: We are delighted to announce that we have plans to invigorate our business by
extending our banking hours next year.
C2: You can now take care of your banking needs at our new counter. It is open with a
capable teller to serve you 7 am to 9 a.m. and 3 am to 8 p.m. Monday through Friday.

D1: You will be happy to know that the renovation will be completed by the deadline.
D2: Good news! Despite the slight delay caused by the incident, the renovation is
progressing smoothly, and you can move in by the end of the month.

E1: I have negotiated an agreement with Sunshine Cafe that gives you a 20% discount on
weekdays.
E2: As a staff of NTUC, you enjoy 20% discount at Sunshine Café on weekdays.

F1: We have just sent out the order for your dental bleaching kit this morning and my
assistant wants to know whether you want to book an appointment with Dr Koh?
F2: Your order for the dental bleaching kit will arrive on 10 January. When would you like to
collect it from the clinic? We can book an appointment for you to see Dr Koh who will advise
you how to use it effectively.

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G1: This letter is to inform you that you didn't win the XYZ Scholarship; we had to work our
way through many submissions, and the scholarships went to the most highly qualified
applicants.
G2: Thank you for your application to the XYZ Scholarship. The competition for the
scholarships was so stiff that we had to turn down many excellent applications, yours
among them.

H1: Your report is full of errors. Surely you did not check the latest figures from the
headquarters and now we must hold a meeting to get you out of the mess.
H2: The latest figures from the headquarters will have a strong impact on your report. So
let’s meet to discuss the changes and generate a new report.

I1: You didn't read the instructions carefully, thus your system has shut down.
I2: The system may automatically shut down if any installation errors occur.

J1: We at the Mei Tuition Centre believe our services can help students become better
writers.
J2: You’ll improve as a writer by working with a trained peer consultant at the Mei Tuition
Centre.

K1: We are excited to announce that we are running series of writing workshop for new
graduates. We are happy to give you a certificate of recognition for completing the series.

K2: As an FSB student, you have the opportunity to earn a Business Writing Workshop
Certificate and an impressive line to add to your resume.

SECTION 3
Whose point of view? How would you revise the following statements?
1. We allow only 2 percent discount for cash payments.

2. This is the perfect job for me because I am looking for practical experience in
marketing.

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3. Our pamphlet is designed to help its readers get the most out of raising beautiful
roses.

4. To help us improve our production schedule, we would appreciate your ordering two
weeks in advance.

5. We would like to process your order as quickly as possible so you are welcome to visit
our Web site where you’ll be able to fill out the customer information required.

6. With our new policy, we are able to reimburse the travel expenses of those related to
work.

7. Our sales team did not meet its target.

8. I would like to congratulate you for being chosen to join our management trainee
programme.

9. In order for us to improve and upgrade the eLearn to your liking, we will have to shut
down most parts of it for a week before Christmas.

Section 4: Positive Emphasis

Which example shows positive emphasis?
A1: Your request does not make any sense.
A2: Please clarify your request.

B1: Although it is not my fault, there will be an unavoidable delay in your order.
B2: We will process your order as soon as we receive the shipment from our supplier, which
we expect to happen within 10 days.

C1: Unfortunately, we haven’t received it.

C2: The item will arrive two weeks later.

D1: The enclosed statement is wrong.

D2: Please verify the enclosed statement and provide a correct copy.

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E1: It will be impossible to open an account for you until you send us your signature card.
E2: Your account will be open as soon as you send us your signature card.

F1: I am unable to grant your request.

F2: Contact us again when you have the necessary documents.

G1: Once again, you managed to bring down the website through your incompetent
programming.
G2: Let’s review the last website update so that we can identify potential problems before
the next update.

H1: We wasted $100,000 advertising in that magazine.

H2: Our $100,000 advertising investment did not pay off. Let’s analyze the experience and
apply the insights to future campaigns.

I1: It is impossible to repair your laptop today.

I2: Your laptop will be ready for collection next Tuesday. Would you like a loaner until then?

J1: No, we no longer carry the brand you want.

J2: The brand you asked for is replaced by a new line which offers a wider range of modern
colours and designs.

K1: You forgot to estimate energy requirements in the proposal.

K2: The proposal will be complete once you include estimates for energy requirements

L1: I am sorry my assistant did not credit your account carefully.

L2: Your statement has been corrected to include your payment of $100.

M1: Sorry for the delay in the shipment.

M2: Because of the festive holidays, the beige sofa you ordered is out of stock and new
orders from Japan will arrive two months later. Do you wish to keep this order, or would you
like to consider the brown sofa instead?

N1: You need to send us your overdue balance of $550 or we'll probably take you to court.
N2: Please pay the overdue balance of $550 to avoid possible legal actions. If you need help
making this payment, please contact our credit department for assistance.

O1: We will no longer allow you to charge up to $15,000 on your Visa Gold Card. Your new
limit will be $10,000.

O2: We noticed that you have not been using a significant portion of the credit line on your
account. To better fit your usage, we have changed your credit limit from $15,000 to
$10,000. You can apply online for a larger line of credit if to back up to the original limit of
$15,000.

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P1: Please be advised that you need to send us your overdue balance of $550 or we'll
probably take you to court.
P2: Please pay the overdue balance of $550 to avoid possible legal actions. If you need help
making this payment, please contact our credit department for assistance.

Q1: I wish to inform you that you are entirely wrong in your attitude.
Q2: The proposed plan has three aspects that are extremely important, and we need to
explain now.

R1: It has come to my attention that you failed to deliver on time. The customer called and
complained that the goods did not arrive.
R2: Let’s work out a system to ensure prompt delivery.

S1: You’ve been sitting on our order for two weeks, and we need it now.
S2: Our production schedules depend on timely delivery of parts and supplies, but we have
not yet received the order you promised to deliver two weeks ago. Please respond today
with a firm delivery commitment.

Sample email
Circle the words that lack positive emphasis.
TO: All Staff
SUBJECT: Decorating Your Work Area
With the arrival of the holiday season, employees who wish to decorate their work areas
should do so only with great caution. Don’t do something stupid that might burn down the
entire office. If you wish to decorate, don’t forget the following guidelines:
1. If using decorative lights, don’t place them in obstructive places.
2. Do not overload your workstation with decorations that will interfere with your daily
duties.
3. Don’t forget to turn off and/or unplug all lights.
4. Do not use hot lights; they can burn your countertop, so it is imperative to be careful in
selecting your lights.
5. Do not use decorations which will offend people of other religions.
6. Absolutely no candles are allowed.
Don’t forget these guidelines, and we’ll have a great holiday season. Thank you for your
cooperation.

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 SECTION 5: TONE
What do you think of the tone?

Dear Sir or Madam:

We at Mosaic are happy to inform you that we have now provided a section of the Web site that
is just for you to make your life a little less stressful. We understand you get easily frazzled when
things don’t work the way you think they should. The new section of the Web site will help ease
all your worries. We have hand-selected and highlighted pieces of furniture that will fit an old
lifestyle. For example, there are some stylish couches that sit higher off the ground so you won’t
to strain your bad back when you take a seat or stand. In addition, we realize that you’re old and
have issues navigating through Web pages. Further, we want to make sure you can actually read
the text on our Web pages, so we’ve taken the initiative to increase the size of the font to one
that is appropriate for people with bad eyes. Finally, Mosaic has decided to team up with AARP to
give you a great benefit. If you’re an AARP card-holding member, you now receive 5% off all
online purchases on the checkout page. We are fully committed to you as a customer of our store
and are always thinking about your needs. If you have other ideas about improving the Web site,
please don’t hesitate to contact us.

Sincerely,

Mosaic
Source: file:///C:/Users/Chan/Downloads/xcom285_week2_reading2%20(1).pdf

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Which message has a better tone?

Sample 1A
Let me take this opportunity to express my thanks for the account you recently opened
with our store. Serving you with your needs for clothing and home furnishings is a
pleasure. You can satisfy all your shopping needs when you visit any of Benson's 10 well-
stocked departments. Our courteous, skilled salesclerks are ready to assist you in
selecting the merchandise that best meets your requirements. If you prefer to shop
within the comfort of your home, instead of coming to the store, you need only
telephone 555-8823. A Personal Shopper will gladly take your order for any number of
items, answer your questions about brands and sizes available, and see that the goods
you order reach you by store delivery within a few days. When you shop at Benson's
downtown store, you are invited to use the free customer parking privilege provided just
across the street. You are always welcome at Benson's. Please call on us whenever you
need additional services.

Sample 1B

Thank you for the account you recently opened at Benson's. Serving you with your needs
for clothing and home furnishings is a pleasure. You can satisfy all your shopping needs
when you visit any of Benson's 100 well-stocked departments. Our courteous, skilled
salesclerks are ready to assist you in selecting the merchandise that best meets your
requirements. If you prefer to shop within the comfort of your home, instead of coming
to the store, you need only telephone 1234-5678. A Personal Shopper will gladly take
your order for any number of items, answer your questions about brands and sizes
available, and see that the goods you order reach you by store delivery within a few days.
When you shop at Benson's downtown store, you are invited to use the free customer
parking privilege provided just across the street. You are always welcome at Benson's.
Please call on us whenever you need additional services.

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Which message has a better tone? file:///C:/Users/Chan/Downloads/xcom285_week2_reading2%20(1).pdf

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 SECTION 6. Document Design
Comment on the email below: (a) you attitude, (b) readability; (c) reader’s response

To: Customer service representatives; Customer service managers

Cc: Senior Management Team of Wired Labs
From: Interim Head (HR Department)
Subject: Benefits of “Connect with Customers” Programme
Date: 10 January 2019

I am grateful to all of the staff for playing such an integral part in making the first phase of the
“Connect with Customers” Programme a success. It is very important that we work towards the
second phase of this program with even more energy. As this is the most important phase of the
programme where you will be introduced to new customer service training and will be exposed to e-
services, which will change the entire dynamics of our customer service methods. The training
programme will commence from 25 February till the 26 February at the Clarke Quay Conference
Room of the Marina Bay Sands Hotel. With the integration of e-services into our customer care
programme we will be able to answer to all customer queries within a time frame of four hours. As
we have never used technology in this aspect of our business I feel that this training programme is
essential in familiarizing you with the technology in hand. With the implementation of the “Connect
with customers” initiative our company will be industry leaders in the customer care sector within
12 months, with increased customer satisfaction Wired Labs will see a big jump in it’s bottom line.
We are the Asian Leaders in supplying electrical and electronic devices, a programme like this will
help us make a name in the global market. We have already worked on having a customer centric
mindset and these new customer service skills will help complement our earlier knowledge in this
field by concentrating on three aspects of customer service. We will have to be able to answer all
queries of the customers in a timely manner and should come up with effective solutions to their
problems. This will be our main objective during this training programme. It is of the upmost
importance that we inculcate these new methods into our routine and apply the new technology
and principles in our day to day functioning because the success of this programme is prerequisite to
our joint success as all the industry players have their eyes set on us and thus we cannot afford any
failure at this important juncture. The customer service managers have to take an increased sense of
responsibility in putting these methods into action by promoting a sense of change in their teams. I
hope to see all of you at the training programme so that we can collectively usher a new dawn for
success and make our future brighter by looking at every aspect of our business from the eyes of our
customer who have played an enormous part in our continued success over the last 15 years.

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