Correia 1

Brianna Correia

Ms. Wilson

Period 1

3/6/19

The First Song I Wrote

If you could go back and change an event that happened in your life that affected you

negatively, would you? Should you? Last year, during my freshman year, I was 14 years old and

hadn’t really experienced much. I got ‘accepted’ into this big group of friends that for the most

part were all upperclassmen. In this group there was a boy named David, he was a junior and was

17, making him 3 years older than me at the time. I didn’t really talk to him much because he

was kind of quiet in the group, but I knew he existed. One day he messaged me and we started

talking. We clicked right away and we became close friends and then I decided that this

friendship and a boy being nice to me, meant I liked him. After weeks of chickening out, I told

him I liked him on January 25, 2018 and he said he felt the same way, but instead of asking me

out he said he didn’t want to tell anyone about us. That probably should've been the first sign for

me to get out.

We started dating and people found out pretty quickly and David finally let me tell

people about us. We had been dating for a week and a half when he told me he loved me, another

clear red flag I somehow missed. I fully believed I loved him at the time, but I was 14, I had no

idea what love was. I instantly became so attached to him I felt as though I couldn’t live without

him and he took that and used it to his advantage.

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This was the first relationship I had been in, so I thought everything that was happening

was normal. I thought him getting controllingly jealous was normal. I thought him telling me he

was hanging out with his ex and then not responding for an hours was normal. Him pushing me

out of my comfort zone in a really negative way. Him making me feel bad about my anxiety

because his was worse and I wasn't allowed to talk about my feelings. Him not letting me leave

but not being a good boyfriend when I decided to stay. He convinced me that this toxic

relationship was normal.

There had been a few instances where I knew he cheated on me, or lied to me, or did

things I really wasn’t okay with, but I forgave him because I still had no idea how to live without

him I’m not exactly sure what triggered it specifically, but it had gotten to a point where I

couldn’t deal with it anymore. I tried talking to him about it but he just got angry with me, really

angry. This became the first of many fights in our breakup. I’m not sure how long we fought for

before we officially broke up, but it felt like decades. It went from him getting mad at me to him

begging for my forgiveness and back and forth until, on July 18th, 2018 I told him I was leaving

for good and cut off all methods of communication between us.

While I was trying to cope with the breakup I had an idea to try and write my feelings

down. One of my favorite types of writing is writing music, I am a singer and I enjoy writing so

it made sense to put the two together. I had written music before but only a few words here and

there or maybe a chorus and then I threw it away because I didn’t like it anymore. We had been

broken up for almost a month when I wanted to write something about him. I opened my phone
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and went to my notes and started writing down the thoughts in my head and then trying to form

them into lyrics. I wrote the first verse, then the second, then the chorus, then putting it all

together with a tune, adding notes on my ukulele, and finally singing it. The moment I sang my

song all the way through, sitting in my room to myself was one of the happiest moments I've

ever experienced. I knew right away what I needed to name my song, ​First Time​. It was my first

time falling in love, first time getting my heart broken, first time for most of the things in that

relationship. I remember the feeling of weight being lifted off my shoulders as if I was finally

getting over David when I finished that song. I played it non stop for days, I showed my two best

friends and played it for them in person and they both loved it. One of them started crying and

the other said that it sounded like a song that was on the radio and kept saying how much they

loved it. So from there I filmed myself singing the song, uploaded it online, and to this day go

back and listen to it when I’m feeling down or helpless and I remember that I went through one

of the toughest situations a person could go through, and made something beautiful out if it.

Narrative Essay Rubric (Honors)

Score: 46.5/50
W.9-10.3​. Write narratives to develop real or imagined experiences or events using effective technique, well-chosen details, and
well-structured event sequences.
Standard
3.a​. ​Introduction​ -
Engage and orient the
reader by setting out a
problem, situation, or
observation, establishing
one or multiple point(s)
of view, and introducing
a narrator and/or
characters; create a
smooth progression of
experiences or events.
Exceptional (10-9) Proficient (8-7) Emerging (6-1) Not Evident (0)
❏ Effectively hook the ❏ Hook the reader with
reader with a creative, a compelling hook
original, and
compelling hook ❏ Effectively sets out a
problem, situation, or
❏ Effectively sets out a observation
problem, situation, or
observation in a ❏ Establish an insightful
compelling and/or point of view
creative manner
❏ Introduce a narrator,
❏ Establish an insightful, characters, setting,
original, or creative and main idea
point of view

10
3.b. ​Narrative​ - ​Use
narrative techniques,
such as dialogue, pacing,
description, reflection,
and multiple plot lines,
to develop experiences,
events, and/or
characters.
9 events, and/or
3.c​. ​Organization​ - ​Use a
variety of techniques to
sequence events so that
they build on one
another to create a
coherent whole.
9 create an original plot
3.d.​ ​Language​ - ​Use
precise words and
phrases, telling details,
and sensory language to
convey a vivid picture of
the experiences, events,
setting, and/or
characters.
8.5
3.e.​ ​Conclusion​ - ​Provide
a conclusion that follows
from and reflects on
what is experienced,
observed, or resolved
over the course of the
narrative.
❏ Introduce a ​complex
and/or creative
narrator, characters,
setting, and main idea
❏ Utilize ​two or more
(teacher discretion)
narrative techniques
with purpose:
dialogue, pacing,
description, reflection,
multiple plot lines,
etc…
❏ Develop experiences,
characters and to
clearly develop a
purposeful theme
❏ Use ​purposefully
narrative techniques
such as
foreshadowing,
dramatic irony,
suspense, and/or
flashbacks in a ​highly
effective manner​ ​to
structure
❏ Create a smooth
progression of
experiences or events
that is logical, ​creative,
and sophisticated ​and
that uses ​highly
engaging devices
❏ Use precise, detailed
and ​sophisticated
words, phrases, and
sensory language​ to
engage the reader ​and
convey a​ ​vivid picture
❏ Provide a conclusion
that reflects on what is
experienced, observed,
or resolved
❏ Extends the meaning
and purpose to
connect to the
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❏ Utilize narrative
techniques such as
dialogue, pacing,
description,
reflection, and
multiple plot lines
❏ Develop experiences,
events, and/or
characters in attempt
to convey theme
❏ Use appropriately
techniques such as
foreshadowing,
dramatic irony,
suspense, and/or
flashbacks
❏ Create a smooth
progression of
experiences or events
that is logical and
engaging
❏ Use precise and
detailed words,
phrases, and sensory
language to convey a
vivid picture
❏ Provide a conclusion
that reflects on what
is experienced,
observed, or resolved
❏ Extends the meaning
to convey a theme
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audience ​and​ ​convey a

10 complex and original
theme