Thank

you for auditioning for

SOMETHING ROTTEN

NON-UNION NATIONAL TOUR

ROLE: PORTIA



Initial Call please prepare:
1. “I Love The Way”
2. Side 1, Stopping at “You are really doing something to me, Mr. Poetry Man” as marked
in the music.
3. 16 bars of a contemporary, comedic musical theatre song that shows the top of your
soprano range.

If you are called back please prepare the full packet.


INSTRUCTIONS:
Be sure to bring your picture and resume, otherwise we will not have one in the room!




Thanks so much!
W | S Casting

 SOMETHING ROTTEN
6/21/15 PORTIA Side 1 of 1 41.

NICK
Nigel, please. I need you, now more than ever. I’ve got to
go find us a new backer and that means you need to come up
with a new idea. Please tell me I can count on you for
that!

Nick exits in a huff. MUSIC STARTS.

NIGEL
Yes, you can. Yes, you can.
(he tries to write)
Uggggh, no you can’t.

He stands to leave and is stopped by A

WOMAN IN A CLOAK (Portia).
START: NIGEL
Oh. Good day, mistress.

PORTIA
“Good days were those when lit with love, till dusk of
death did herald th’eternal night”

NIGEL
Hey -- I wrote that.

The woman turns and lowers her hood,

revealing herself to be Portia.

PORTIA
Yes, I know.
(holding up a page)
I accidentally took this after our first encounter. Your
sonnet. It’s -- perfection.

NIGEL
Really? You thought it was... good?

PORTIA
It... touched me in places I did not know could be touched.

Portia suddenly realizes how that

sounded, turns away - embarrassed.

PORTIA (CONT’D)
Forgive me. Poetry is forbidden in my house, especially
poems of earthly love.
(melodramatically; to the heavens)
OH, IS THERE NO PITY IN THE CLOUDS THAT SEES INTO THE
BOTTOM OF MY GRIEF?!

NIGEL
Romeo and Juliet, Act 3, Scene 5.

1/4
SOMETHING ROTTEN
6/21/15 42.

PORTIA
You’ve seen it?

NIGEL
Six times. And you?

PORTIA
Eight! If my father knew, he would disown me.

NIGEL
My brother, too.

PORTIA
I adore Shakespeare.

NIGEL
Me, too! I’ve got a Comedy of Errors, first edition.

PORTIA
I’ve got Sonnet number 1. Signed!

NIGEL
Wow!

PORTIA
I know! Heh-heh...

NIGEL
Heh-heh...

They giggle together - a pause, then...

PORTIA
I think you’re his equal - if not better.

NIGEL
What??? No way.

PORTIA
Oh yes. Your sonnet has Shakespearean sophistication mixed
with the complexity of Daniel Webster and the sensitivity
of Samuel Daniel.

2/4
SOMETHING ROTTEN
6/21/15 43-45.

NIGEL
Wow. You really love poetry.

PORTIA
Oh, I do. I really, really do.
(she sings)
I LOVE SIDNEY AND MARLOWE
AND OFTEN I BORROW THEIR WORDS
TO EXPRESS HOW I FEEL
I LOVE POEMS OF MYSTERY, FANTASY, HISTORY
OH WHAT SEDUCTIVE APPEAL

AT NIGHT, ALONE IN MY BEDROOM, SATISFYING MY NEED

THE CANDLELIGHT FIRE IGNITES MY DESIRE - TO READ

OHHHHH… EVERY TIME I HEAR A PERFECT RHYME

I GET ALL TINGLY
BECAUSE I KNOW THAT TO FIND A PERFECT RHYME
IS NOT AN EASY THING-LY

I LOVE THE PLACES THAT WORDS LET ME GO

I LOVE THE WAY THAT YOUR WORDS MOVE ME SO
(moving closer, facing him)
NO WORDS HAVE TOUCHED ME THE WAY THAT YOURS DO
AND I… LOVE…

PORTIA (CONT'D)
Youuuuuuu are really doing something to me, Mr. Poetry Man.
Forgive me. I never get to discuss poems in this way.

NIGEL
It’s okay. I never knew poetry could affect someone the
way it affects me.

PORTIA
Me neither.

NIGEL
(singing)
IT’S THE END ALL THE BE ALL OH YOU OUGHTA SEE ALL THE BOOKS
THAT I HAVE ON MY SHELF

PORTIA
Me, too!
(singing)
I FIND PLEASURE PERUSING THOSE WRITINGS AND MUSINGS
SO OFTEN I PLEASURE MYSELF
WAIT, THAT DIDN’T SOUND RIGHT

NIGEL
NO, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN
WHEN I’M DEEP IN THE THROES
OF IMPASSIONATE PROSE - I COULD SCREAM

3/4
SOMETHING ROTTEN
6/21/15 43-45A.

PORTIA
You scream? So do I!
(singing)
OH... I LOVE A LILTING LINE
OF LYRICAL ALLITERATION

NIGEL
WHO DOESN’T LOVE ALLITERATION

PORTIA
AND THEN I’M LIKE WHOA...
WHEN THE PHRASES COME TOGETHER LIKE A CONSUMMATION

NIGEL
WHAT SWEET ELATION!

PORTIA/NIGEL
I LOVE THE PLACES THAT WORDS LET ME GO
I LOVE THE WAY THAT YOUR WORDS MOVE ME SO
I LOVE THAT YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY I DO
AND I LOVE
YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE, YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE...

NIGEL
Me, too.

APPLAUSE as they stand there awkward.

NIGEL (CONT’D)
Okay, I want to show you something.

He reaches into his pants - then pulls

out a piece of paper.

NIGEL (CONT’D)
I keep it hidden from my brother. It’s a letter. To me.
From the Bard. Saying he has received my sonnet.

PORTIA
You sent him a sonnet? And he’s read it??

NIGEL
Well, he said he would.

PORTIA
You know him!!?
END
NIGEL
Um, kinda sorta. He was in the same acting troupe as my
brother, but I was just a kid then. It’s not like he knows
who I am or anything.

MESSENGER
Master Nigel Bottom?

4/4
 #7
"Something Rotten"

I Love The Way

April 3, '15
WARN-PORTIA: Oh yes. Your sonnet has
Shakespearean sophistication mixed with the complexity Words & Music by
of Daniel Webster and the sensitivity of Samuel Daniel. Wayne Kirkpatrick &
CUE-NIGEL: Wow. You really love poetry. Karey Kirkpatrick

Light waltz, in 1 h.=66 PORTIA: Oh, I do. I really really do.

# 31
PORTIA:
∑ ∑ ∑ ∑ ∑ ∑ ∑ Œ
2 3 4 5 6 7 8

& 4
œ œ
I love

# . . œ. œ. ˙. œ. œ œ
& 34 œ œ œ œ œ ˙. J ˙. œ Œ Œ
p
œ >œ
C

? # 34 œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ
œ œ œœ Œ Œ
G Am G/B C G Am G/B

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

#9 10 11 12 13 14

& œ œ œ œ œ œ œ
œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ
Sid - ney and Mar - lowe and of - ten I bor - row their words to ex - press how I

#
& ˙˙œ.. ˙œ˙. .. ˙˙˙ .. œ̇ . œ œ ˙˙œ.. ˙œ˙. ..
. œ. œ. . . œ. œ.
F G A m7 G/B C2 G A m7

?# œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ
œ œ œ œ œ œ
œ

# 15 Œ
16 17 18 19 20

& œ œ œ œ œ œ œ
˙. œ œ œ œ œ œ œ
Œ
feel I love po - ems of mys - ter - y fan - ta - sy his - tor - y

# œ œ œ œ
& Œ ˙. ˙˙œ.. ˙œœ œœ
. œ. ˙œ˙. .. œ. ˙˙˙ ..
. Œ
G/B C G A m7 G/B C

?# œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ
œ œ œ œ œ œ
œ œ œ
 -2- #7-I Love The Way
04-03-15

# 21
PORTIA:
22 23 24 25 26

& ˙. ˙ œ ˙ œ
œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ
oh what se - duc - tive ap - peal at night a - lone in my

# ˙.
& ˙˙œ..
Œ œ œ œ œ ˙˙ .. n ˙˙ .. ˙.
. œ. ˙œ˙. .. œ. ˙.
Œ œ œ œ˙ œ œ œ
˙. œ œ
G A m7 C/D D D m7 G7
?# œ œ œ œ . nœ œ
œ œ œ œ
œ
# 27 28 29 30

& n˙ œ œ œ nœ
˙. ˙.
bed - room sa - tis - fy - ing my

# œ
& œ œ œ˙ . nœ n ˙˙˙ .. n œœ
œ ˙ œ œœ
. # œœ
B b2
œ
C F2 E7
?# œ œ œ œ
œ nœ nœ œ
œ bœ œ
# 31 œ
Œ Œ ‰ j œ œ
32 33 34 35 36

& ˙. œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

œœœ. # œœ.
need the can - dle - light fi - re ig - nites my de - si - re to

# Œ œœœ ... œœœ ˙. ˙˙ .. ˙˙ .. œœ ˙˙

& œ. œ œ œ Œ ˙.
J p
j . . cresc.
#
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?# Œ
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œ
D/F
œ
G
œ
œ œ œ
˙. ˙ œ œ œ œ œ
œ œ
# 37# ˙ . ˙. ∑ ∑
38 39 40

&
read.

# œ œ œ œ œœ .. œœ # œœ
& Œ #œ œ œ œ # ˙˙ ..
3 3 3

J # œ œ œ œ
œ œ
f œ œ œ
? # Œ # ˙˙˙
A7 E m7
Œ ˙˙˙
A

˙. #œ œ œ
˙. œ
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 -3- #7-I Love The Way
04-03-15

# 41
PORTIA:

˙. ˙.
42 43 44

& œ œ œ œ #œ œ œ œ œ
#œ œ œ
Oh, ev - ery time I hear a per - fect rhyme I get all

#
& œœ œœ œœ œœœ œœœ œœœ Œ Œ ∑
œ œ œ # œœœ
fl
Em
p E m7
f
A7

?# œ œ œ œ œ œ Œ Œ ∑
œ
fl
# 45 Œ Œ œ b˙ . ˙.
46 47 48 49 50

& ˙ ˙. ˙ œ œ

˙. ˙˙˙ ...
ting - ly, be - cause I know

# # ˙˙ ..
& ˙. ˙˙˙ .. b œœ œœ œœ n b œœœ œœœ œœœ
# ˙˙ .. . œ œ œ
p
A/D D A/D D Gm G m7

?# œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ
œ œ œ œ
œ œ œ
# 51b œ
œ œ nœ œ œ Œ Œ œ œ ˙. ˙ Œ
52 53 54 55 56

& œ nœ œ œ œ œ ˙

˙˙ ..
that to find a per - fect rhyme is not an ea - sy thing - ly.

# ˙˙ ..
& b œœ Œ Œ ∑ ˙˙˙ ... n ˙˙˙ ... ˙. ˙.
fl p C/Fcresc.
f C7
Œ œœ œ Œ œœ œ
F C/D D

?# œ œ œ
Œ Œ ∑
nœ œ œ nœ
fl ˙. ˙.
# 57
œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ ˙ Œ
58 59 60

&
I love the pla - ces that words let me go,

# œ œ œ
& œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œ
f G 2.
Œ. Œ.
?# Œ Œ
Am G/B C

œ. œ. œ. œœ œ
˙. ˙. ˙. ˙.
˙. ˙. ˙. ˙.
 -4- #7-I Love The Way
04-03-15

PORTIA:
# œ ˙
œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ Œ œ œ œ œ œ œ
61 62 63 64 65 66

&
I love the way that your words move me so, No words have touched me the

# œ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ
& œ œ œ œ
œ
. Œ. Œ. Œ. Œ.
?# Œ Œ œ œ
G Am G/B C G Am

œ. œ. œ. œ œ ˙ œ. œ.
˙. ˙. ˙. ˙. ˙.
˙. ˙. .
˙. ˙. ˙. ˙.

# 67 œ œ œ n˙ . ˙ œ nœ ˙. œ œ
Œ
68 69 70 71

&
way that yours do and

# œœ œœ n ˙˙ .. ˙˙ .. ˙˙ .. ˙˙ ..
& œœ ˙. ˙. ˙. ˙.
p
.
? # Œ˙ œ œ œ œ
G/B F/C C

œ. œ œ œ œ œ ˙˙ .
. ˙. ˙. ˙. .
˙.

# 72˙ . œ
˙ œ ˙. ˙.
73 74 75

&
I love

# ˙.
& ˙. ˙˙ .. ˙˙ .. ˙˙ ..

œ œ ˙. ˙.
G/D D

? # œ˙ . œ œ œ
˙. ˙. ˙.
 -5- #7-I Love The Way
04-03-15

PORTIA: Youuuuuu are really doing something to me, Mr. Poetry Man. Forgive me. [GO]
U
# 76Œ œ œ
#˙ . œœ œ # œ #œ Œ œœ œœ #˙ . ˙˙ ..
77 78 79 80 81 82

& œœ œœ # ˙˙ .. œ #˙ œ œ # ˙˙ .. ˙.
U̇.
G

? # ˙. ˙. ˙. ˙ œ ˙. ˙.

END

# 83 U
∑ ∑ Œ Œ
84 85 86

& œœ ˙˙ ..
U
œ Œ
G Am G/B C

?# œ ˙ ˙˙ .
œ œ ˙. .
œ œ

PORTIA: I never get to discuss poetry in this way.

NIGEL: It's okay. I never knew poetry could affect someone the way it affects me.
PORTIA: Me neither. NIGEL:
# 87 ∑ ∑ ∑ ∑ ∑ ∑ ∑ Œ œ œ
88 89 90 91 92 93 94

&
It's the

# œ. œ. œ. œ. œ œ œ ˙. œ. œœ
& ˙. J ˙. œ Œ Œ

œ >œ
œ œ œ œ œ œ
G Am G/B C G A m7 G/B C
œ œ
œ œ
?# œœ Œ Œ
œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

# 95œ œ œ œ œ œ œ
œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ
96 97 98 99 100

& œ œ
end all the be all oh you ought to see all the books that I have on my

#
& ˙.
˙œ. . œ . ˙œ˙. .. ˙˙˙ .. œ̇ . œ œ ˙˙œ.. ˙œ˙. ..
œ. . . œ. œ.
F G2 A m7 G/B C2 G2 A m7

?# œ œ œ œ œ œ œ
œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ
œ œ
œ