Student A Writing Sample

Madrid Should Build More Bike Lanes

by Emma M. H. Wegter

Have you ever seen hundreds of cars in one place at a time? I sure have and it makes
me think that so many places to go to are not necessary to go to with a car. In this essay I will
argue that Madrid should build more bike lanes, because it will teach kids independence,
Madrid’s community will be happier and healthier, and it will help stop pollution.

One reason Madrid should build more bike lanes is because it will teach kids
independence. Usually parents take their kids in their car to go to places like the grocery store,
but if Madrid builds more bike lanes kids and adults could use these bike lanes to do things
that teach them independence like going to the grocery store, going to other shops, and even
going to school in the morning. I also think that parents are more likely to send their kids out to
do something by themselves when they know their kids are safe on the bike lanes and they
have much less chances to get hit by a car. As a result I think kids will do more
things independently and learn how to be independent for when they are older if the city adds
more bike lanes.

Another reason Madrid should build more bike lanes is because Madrid’s community will
be happier and healthier. An example of this is that people go to lots of places with their car that
are not necessary to go to with a car, and using the car is not exercising at all. For a person to
be healthy one thing you need is exercise and sport. You are also usually happier when you are
healthier and fit. Furthermore, some people and families might not have the money to sign up
for sport clubs or sport classes or for their kids to do sports because it is extremely important for
kids to do sports and to grow and be healthy. If there are more bike lanes everybody could use
it and do sports totally for free.

My last and most important reason is that Madrid should build more bike lanes because
it will help stop pollution! Cars release gasses that are really bad for the environment, and per
day thousands of people use their cars which makes the pollution even worse. I believe that
with more bike lanes it will encourage more bike use and less people will use their car per day
which will help stop pollution and make Madrid more environment friendly. Adding on, ecologists
say that in 2018 there was a notable decrease in pollution in Madrid compared to previous
years. If Madrid builds more bike lanes the pollution will decrease even more. Finally, I think that
other countries will take Spain and Madrid as an example to help the environment.

As I have argued in this essay, Madrid should build more bike lanes. Having been to the
city many times I have noticed that often the very few bike riders that there are ride their bikes
on the actual road, and the air quality is often very bad. Mayor Carmena, when you are thinking
of the city budget and how to make Madrid a better place, keep in mind that making more bike
lanes in Madrid is a good idea and that it is doing the right thing for our community. According to
El Pais in 2016 you built 33 new bike lanes. Maybe in 2019 you could build even more to make
Madrid an even better city.

1 (Needs Improvement)
Overall The writer made a claim about a
topic but reasons were often hard
to follow.
Lead The writer wrote a few sentences
to hook the reader without a clear
connection to their claim.
Transitions The writer connected parts of her
piece using words such as also,
another, and because.
Ending The writer worked on an ending
for the piece but both the
reflection and call to action either
were not present or did not match
the claim.
Organization The writer’s use of paragraphing
to separate sections of
information was frequently
confusing or not present.
Persuasive Writing Rubric
Structure
2 (Approaching Expectations)
The writer made a claim about a topic and
supported it with reasons.
The writer wrote a few sentences
attempting to hook the reader but the
connection to the claim could have been
stronger. The writer stated their claim.
The writer connected ideas and reasons
with their examples using words such as
for example and because. They
connected one reason or example using
words such as, also and another.
The writer worked on an ending for the
piece but either their reflection or call to
action did not fully match the claim.
The writer separated sections of
information using paragraphs.
Student A Rubric
3 (Meets Expectations)
The writer made a claim about a topic and supported it with
compelling reasons.
The writer wrote a few sentences to effectively hook their
readers, perhaps by asking a question, explaining why the
topic mattered, telling a surprising fact, or giving background
information. The writer stated their claim.
The writer used words and phrases to glue parts of her piece
together. They used phrases such as for example, another
example, one time, and for instance to show when they
wanted to shift from saying reasons to giving evidence and in
addition to, also, and another to show when they wanted to
make a new point.
The writer wrote an ending for the piece in which they
restated and reflected on their claim, perhaps suggesting an
action or response based on what they had written.
The writer separated sections of information using
paragraphs, grouping ideas in a way that most suited their
purpose.
 Student A Rubric
Development

1 (Needs Improvement) 2 (Approaching Expectations) 3 (Meets Expectations)

Elaboration The writer gave reasons to support their
opinion, however two or more reasons did
not clearly match the topic or convince the
reader.
Frequently, the examples the writer chose
to include did not clearly support their
reasons.
The writer gave reasons to support their
opinion, however one reason did not clearly
match the topic or convince the reader.
Occasionally, the examples the writer chose to
include did not clearly support their reasons.
The writer gave reasons to support their
opinion. They chose the reasons to convince
his readers.
The writer included examples and information
in each paragraph to support their reasons,
perhaps from a text, their knowledge, or their
life.

Craft The writer’s tone is frequently unconvincing. The writer attempted to use word choice, The writer made deliberate word choices to
Word choice, details, and facts do not details, and facts to persuade the reader but did convince her readers, perhaps by
support their reasons. not consistently achieve a convincing tone emphasizing or repeating words that made
across the piece. readers feel emotions.

If it felt right to do so, the writer chose precise

details and facts to help make their points.

The writer made choices about which

evidence was best to include or not include to
support their points.

The writer used a convincing tone.

Conventions The writer makes many errors in The writer mostly uses punctuation, grade level The writer consistently uses punctuation,
punctuation, grade level spelling, grammar, spelling, grammar, and capitalization. grade level spelling, grammar, and
and capitalization. capitalization.
Notes: Emma did a great job organizing her essay into clear and compelling paragraphs to support her claim. She successfully
incorporated research into her work and used precise language to create a convincing tone. A few sentences might need to be revised
for clarity but overall this is a strong piece that showcases her sophisticated control of language and depth of thinking.
Student B Writing Sample

People should not throw trash in the ocean

By Olivia

Have you ever seen trash in the ocean? This is because people throw trash in the
ocean. In this essay I will argue why people should not throw trash in the ocean because
animals can get hurt, water can become polluted, and beaches can become drier and less
enjoyable.

One reason People should not throw trash in the ocean is because it can hurt animals.
For example sea turtles can choke on plastic bags. Experts say that each year we are killing
4,600 sea turtles. In addition we are also hurting sea turtles by polluting the water and hurting
the sea animals. Because of this we end up helping sea turtles become extinct. This makes me
think that we are hurting the environment.

Another reason, people should not throw trash in the ocean is that the water can get
polluted. For example, boats can pollute the water. Also when people throw trash on the floor
and it can be very windy and go into the water. Another reason, is that trash causes the water to
become dirty. Because of this the water will be more dangerous. This makes me think that we
are polluting the water.

Finally another reason, people should not throw trash in ocean is beaches can become
drier and less enjoyable. For example, you may not be able to swim in the ocean because the
trash will cover and if you do get in the water your feet will get really dirty and your eyes could
get stuff in them while your swimming. Also the water will get dirtier as well. Experts say that we
throw 14 billions in a year and only 1 or 2%of it gets recycled. Because of this the animals in the
ocean can die because sea turtles need space, food, and water to survive. I think this because I
care about animals and I want the world to be healthy.

As I argued in this essay, People should not throw trash in the ocean. I myself have
seen trash on the ground but that one day it was so windy it flew into the water. People around
the world, I strongly believe this is hurting the environment. Be careful of what you throw in the
ocean and think do I want to hurt the environment?

1 (Needs Improvement)
Overall The writer made a claim about a
topic but reasons were often hard
to follow.
Lead The writer wrote a few sentences
to hook the reader without a clear
connection to their claim.
Transitions The writer connected parts of her
piece using words such as also,
another, and because.
Ending The writer worked on an ending
for the piece but both the
reflection and call to action either
were not present or did not match
the claim.
Organization The writer’s use of paragraphing
to separate sections of
information was frequently
confusing or not present.
Persuasive Writing Rubric
Structure
2 (Approaching Expectations)
The writer made a claim about a topic and
supported it with reasons.
The writer wrote a few sentences
attempting to hook the reader but the
connection to the claim could have been
stronger. The writer stated their claim.
The writer connected ideas and reasons
with their examples using words such as
for example and because. They
connected one reason or example using
words such as, also and another.
The writer worked on an ending for the
piece but either their reflection or call to
action did not fully match the claim.
The writer separated sections of
information using paragraphs.
Student B Rubric
3 (Meets Expectations)
The writer made a claim about a topic and supported it with
compelling reasons.
The writer wrote a few sentences to effectively hook their
readers, perhaps by asking a question, explaining why the
topic mattered, telling a surprising fact, or giving background
information. The writer stated their claim.
The writer used words and phrases to glue parts of her piece
together. They used phrases such as for example, another
example, one time, and for instance to show when they
wanted to shift from saying reasons to giving evidence and in
addition to, also, and another to show when they wanted to
make a new point.
The writer wrote an ending for the piece in which they
restated and reflected on their claim, perhaps suggesting an
action or response based on what they had written.
The writer separated sections of information using
paragraphs, grouping ideas in a way that most suited their
purpose.
 Student B Rubric
Development

1 (Needs Improvement) 2 (Approaching Expectations) 3 (Meets Expectations)

Elaboration The writer gave reasons to support their
opinion, however two or more reasons did
not clearly match the topic or convince the
reader.
Frequently, the examples the writer chose
to include did not clearly support their
reasons.
The writer gave reasons to support their
opinion, however one reason did not clearly
match the topic or convince the reader.
Occasionally, the examples the writer chose to
include did not clearly support their reasons.
The writer gave reasons to support their
opinion. They chose the reasons to convince
his readers.
The writer included examples and information
in each paragraph to support their reasons,
perhaps from a text, their knowledge, or their
life.

Craft The writer’s tone is frequently unconvincing. The writer attempted to use word choice, The writer made deliberate word choices to
Word choice, details, and facts do not details, and facts to persuade the reader but did convince her readers, perhaps by
support their reasons. not consistently achieve a convincing tone emphasizing or repeating words that made
across the piece. readers feel emotions.

If it felt right to do so, the writer chose precise

details and facts to help make their points.

The writer made choices about which

evidence was best to include or not include to
support their points.

The writer used a convincing tone.

Conventions The writer makes many errors in The writer mostly uses punctuation, grade level The writer consistently uses punctuation,
punctuation, grade level spelling, grammar, spelling, grammar, and capitalization. grade level spelling, grammar, and
and capitalization. capitalization.
Notes: This piece shows how hard Olivia worked to use many of the strategies taught during the unit to strengthen her persuasive
writing. Her conclusion, transition words, and incorporation of research are some of the strongest things about the piece. During the
planning stage she needs to make sure that she has three distinct reasons that relate back to her claim, and that her evidence fully
matches for each reason. However overall this essay is clear, well organized, and has some persuasive elements.
Student C Writing Sample

New Player for Real Madrid

By Sam Block

Are you a Real Madrid fan? If you are, you would probably agree that they need a new
player. Bad passes in midfield, mescued shots in free space, and arguing for the ball in defense.
This is why Real Madrid should buy a new player. In this essay I will argue why Real Madrid
should buy a new player. most players aren’t playing well, they are not going to win any titles,
and because some players contracts should not be renewed.

One reason Real madrid should buy a new player is that most players have not been
playing well. For example, Thibaut Courtois has conceded more goals than Keylor Navas this
season. With an average of 2-3 goals per game. While Keylor Navas has let in about 0-1 goals
per game. Another player that is not playing well is Karim Benzema. For example, he has only
scored 15 - 20 goals not enough for a Real Madrid striker which should be scoring 30 - 35
goals. This shows that Real Madrid must buy a new striker. The most common options are Eden
Hazard or Kylian Mbappe. With Zidane coming back he said he wants to change things up. That
meaning most likely a new player will coming in. In my preference, I would prefer Mbappe over
Hazard or Real Madrid could buy both players, one on the left wing one on the right wing. In
conclusion Real Madrid should buy a new Striker. ( Plus their main goal scorer isn't a striker.)

Another reason, is that they are not going to win a single title this season. They are having bad
crosses and passes this shows that they need better playmakers. One of the most likely options
is N’golo Kante. He has 10 assists this season in the Premier League so far. While Toni Kroos
only has 5 assists so far. So you can sell Kross for 80 million Euros. And get kante for
100,000,000 Euros. Even though he is 100 mill it is worth it. Another Reason is that there not
winning titles is that there defense is not going well for example, Dani Carvajal is being to slow
on the right wing the center midfielders are giving him good passes through Carvajal is wasting
chances. A good replacement for Carvajal would be David Alaba who is young and much more
faster than Carvajal and he could create amazing changes around the danger zone. In
conclusion the back four should be Marcelo, Varane, Ramos, and Alaba.

My third and final reason is that some contracts should not be renewed. For example
Gareth Bale is always injured and they usually take for months to recover. We should sell Bale
since he is worth a lot of money once he was the world record transfer. He is worth about 100
mil Euros. Therefore you can sell him than buy a new player that will actually do the job. Other
people we should sell is some of our young players. We have lots of young players we can sell.
For example, Mariano is having too big of a responsibility wearing the number seven shirt. He
has played 17 games and only scored 2 goals. Witch is less goals than Sergio Ramos witch is
bad. Because Ramos is a defender and Mariano is striker. Therefore we should sell Mariano
for20,000,0000 Euros .

In this essay I argued why Real Madrid should buy a new player. This past season I have
seen horrible playing buy Real Madrid this season, 3-0 against Eibar 5-1 against Barcelona. I
think I have the Perspective of a Real Madrid manager. I know this essay won’t go to my
audience directly so people spread the word make a change for the better. In conclusion HALA
MADRID!

1 (Needs Improvement)
Overall The writer made a claim about a
topic but reasons and evidence
were often hard to follow.
Lead The writer wrote a few sentences
to hook the reader without a clear
connection to their claim.
Transitions The writer connected parts of her
piece using words such as also,
another, and because.
Ending The writer worked on an ending
for the piece but both the
reflection and call to action either
were not present or did not match
the claim.
Organization The writer’s use of paragraphing
to separate sections of
information was frequently
confusing or not present.
Persuasive Writing Rubric
Structure
2 (Approaching Expectations)
The writer made a claim about a topic and
supported it with reasons and evidence.
The writer wrote a few sentences
attempting to hook the reader but the
connection to the claim could have been
stronger. The writer stated their claim.
The writer connected ideas and reasons
with their examples using words such as
for example and because. They
connected one reason or example using
words such as, also and another.
The writer worked on an ending for the
piece but either their reflection or call to
action did not fully match the claim.
The writer separated sections of
information using paragraphs.
Student C Rubric
3 (Meets Expectations)
The writer made a claim about a topic and supported it with
compelling reasons and evidence.
The writer wrote a few sentences to effectively hook their
readers, perhaps by asking a question, explaining why the
topic mattered, telling a surprising fact, or giving background
information. The writer stated their claim.
The writer used words and phrases to glue parts of her piece
together. They used phrases such as for example, another
example, one time, and for instance to show when they
wanted to shift from saying reasons to giving evidence and in
addition to, also, and another to show when they wanted to
make a new point.
The writer wrote an ending for the piece in which they
restated and reflected on their claim, perhaps suggesting an
action or response based on what they had written.
The writer separated sections of information using
paragraphs, grouping ideas in a way that most suited their
purpose.
 Student C Rubric
Development

1 (Needs Improvement) 2 (Approaching Expectations) 3 (Meets Expectations)

Elaboration The writer gave reasons to support their
opinion, however two or more reasons did
not clearly match the topic or convince the
reader.
Frequently, the examples the writer chose
to include did not clearly support their
reasons.
The writer gave reasons to support their
opinion, however one reason did not clearly
match the topic or convince the reader.
Occasionally, the examples the writer chose to
include did not clearly support their reasons.
The writer gave reasons to support their
opinion. They chose the reasons to convince
his readers.
The writer included examples and information
in each paragraph to support their reasons,
perhaps from a text, their knowledge, or their
life.

Craft The writer’s tone is frequently unconvincing. The writer attempted to use word choice, The writer made deliberate word choices to
Word choice, details, and facts do not details, and facts to persuade the reader but did convince her readers, perhaps by
support their reasons. not consistently achieve a convincing tone emphasizing or repeating words that made
across the piece. readers feel emotions.

If it felt right to do so, the writer chose precise

details and facts to help make their points.

The writer made choices about which

evidence was best to include or not include to
support their points.

The writer used a convincing tone.

Conventions The writer makes many errors in The writer mostly uses punctuation, grade level The writer consistently uses punctuation,
punctuation, grade level spelling, grammar, spelling, grammar, and capitalization. grade level spelling, grammar, and
and capitalization. capitalization.
Notes: The growth that Sam has made as a writer over the course of the year is clearly evident in this piece. It is well organized and
logical, with a great deal more elaboration than either of his previous published pieces. His hook and conclusion show that he applied
strategies taught during class and he achieved a convincing tone throughout much of the piece by supporting his ideas with so many
relevant facts and statistics. One thing for him to consider in future persuasive pieces is to make sure that the evidence he provides
clearly supports reason in the paragraph’s topic sentence. He got onto a bit of a digression in his second body paragraph which made
the piece lose some momentum. However overall I am very impressed by the work Sam produced.