My 5 Months On Hinge As A Male - Dataisbeautiful PDF

17/1/2019 My 5 months on Hinge (match results, statistics, and trends) [OC] : dataisbeautiful
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Posted by u/dasoxarechamps2005 OC: 2 6 months ago 
My 5 months on Hinge (match results, statistics, and trends) [OC]

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1 more reply
 riblau 152 points · 6 months ago

 100% of your relationships were initiated by her. Might as well give up on messaging and
just wait for them...
 Cazualty83 28 points · 6 months ago

 Under appreciated comment.
 TheeCaptainee 11 points · 6 months ago

 The truth is women pick. The lie is that men do because if men realised it isn’t their
choice they would stop bothering and women would have to start running around and
paying for the meals and generally getting their shit together
 tropical_and_chill 7 points · 6 months ago

 I think everyone knows that “women pick” in a general sense... that’s not some secret.
It’s obvious that (in general, not for everyone) guys are usually the ones
pursuing/more desperate and women are the ones being pursued/more picky.
I think men DO realize it often isn’t “their choice” which is why they’re so eager to
impress her etc. The problem with your scenario is that all men would have to agree
to stop at the same time, because if some stopped pursuing women that would just
mean less competition for the ones still playing the game.

 I agree. Richard Dawkins proposes in his book “the selfish gene” that women are
genetically predisposed to be more choosy over their mate because they invest a
greater biological price in each child (bearing them then breastfeeding) whereas a
man could always ‘shoot and leave’. This means that the general tendency for the
male of the human species is towards a slightly more cavalier approach to ‘sowing
his seed’ than the female.
He also discusses ‘game theory’ around scenarios which could apply as such: if
men became less passive in their search for a mate then the remaining few more
active men would achieve greater success and so the gene pool would gradually
fill back up with active males.
 tropical_and_chill 3 points · 6 months ago

 Yes... that all makes sense but seems to contradict your original point? You
implied that men are under the delusion that they pick their partner and if they
ever discovered this lie then everything would shift and women would have to
pursue men instead.
I’m saying that’s not really true, both men and women realize that women are
often the “choosers” and if anything that creates MORE incentive for men to
pursue them.
 I took my original point too far, but yes I think men in general are deluded
and falsely believe they have primary choice. They could overcome this as
individuals but not as a whole. I think this delusion encourages them to
reach out to women and is encouraged by women so women can choose.
Case in point is OP and I think his stats reflect that situation. But I think
many men find the whole situation difficult. I think men get frustrated and
struggle to understand why they don’t have the power to choose they think
they have. For example men see a beautiful woman in a bar and think “I
would sleep with 50% of women in this bar, I am slightly more than average
looking so if I chat her up I have a good chance of being successful” But
women take a much longer term view than 1 night so would probably only
consider dating 1 in 20 of the men in the bar. So the answer is often no and
men get upset by this and can’t understand why.
 FuckerOfGoats 3 points · 6 months ago

 I can see that when men leave the game so to speak that lowers what is available.
However I don't see women going to simply switch to the men who were losing
before. Women are just going to go after the ones they like that left the game or
the ones they like that are still in the game. However this does have its limits.
 Deggit 6 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

 Exactly. This thread has been raided by incels who think if all men refuse to
play, women will just settle for the nearest man. But in reality women will just
put in more effort to get high value men and attract them back into the game.
The losing men will still be losers. Right now, if anything, it's women who
should "refuse to play" because dating apps are being excessively used as
"down to fuck" apps which devalues women's long term prospects. These apps
train women with sex to swipe on the highest man she can see, not men that
are actually in her league for relationships. Simultaneously, the high value man
is rejecting relationships because there's always someone else DTF on the five
apps he has installed. If women were able to "collectively bargain" with high
value men (the way incels daydream about men collectively giving up on
dating), the women would be able to get high value men to commit more.
 FiveDozenWhales 4 points · 6 months ago

 It takes two to tango. A woman doesn't get to pick a man unless he picks her too. A
man doesn't get to pick a woman unless she picks him too. It's mutual - men and
women have equal say in whether or not to go out.
 inﬁni7 397 points · 6 months ago

 Damn. Dating online is a grind!
I would probably give up on it after as much rejection as you experienced. Props to you for
continuing on.

 He made 500 matches and all those messages. If this is what it takes I can’t be bothered
 nmjack42 139 points · 6 months ago

 504 matches for 12 dates (2.38%) - it's a (depressing) numbers game. (at least 8 of the
12 lead to a second date)
this explains something I saw in a recently - guy in a bar watching a ball game but
swiping right on everything - not even bothering to look at the pictures - I guess his
plan was to just get the match, worry about her looks later. Dude was above average
looking. if I see him again, I'll ask him about his percentage of success.
 JimiSlew3 69 points · 6 months ago

 I believe in the book Dataclysm by the Ok Cupid guy he mentions that they would
track keystrokes in messages. People who got dates were, as you expect, those
that devoted time to rewriting messages (so more keystrokes vs. characters).
However, there was another group. Two keystrokes. Control+V. They sent out
many, many more messages but got as many dates as the crafty folk. "Quantity
has a quality all it's own".
 iLiftHeavyThingsUp 19 points · 6 months ago

 What matters is the appearance of effort, not the effort itself. There's no sense
investing time in a thoughtful message for every single match. However once
you get a first reply, that's when effort matters. But before that you can easily
copy paste something like:
"Hey I just looked at your profile and you seem pretty awesome. We seem to
have some common interests so I'd love to talk to you more :)"
You can easily copy paste that and have it be relevant to 99% of profiles. Then if
you get a reply that's when you look at their actual content.
And yes, it sucks your have to be so methodical.
 However once you get a first reply, that's when effort matters.
Well, not according to this chart. What this chart shows, that's depressing, is
not the gender based rate of rejection, but the gender based rate of
ghosting.
This dude is rejected at a 66% rate by women, but even when they start a
conversation, he still gets ghosted 58% of that remaining third. So receiving
a message back from a woman essentially means nothing compared to no
message; about 2/3rds of the time, the end result will be the same.
Even conversations initiated BY HER that he replied to - which you would
think would be a more solid contact - still had a 53% ghosted-by-her rate.
Notice the reciprocal probabilities for the woman, at least with respect to
this man. First, this dude is only rejecting women's advances 47% of the
time. Then, conversations initiated by her have just 40% ghosted-by-him
rate. If the woman waits for him to make the first move and then replies,
she will face an even lower 33% ghosted-by-him-during-conversations rate.
This really shows how the incentives are stacked (both ways). Guys have little
reason to put in effort because two thirds of women who express interest
in you are going to ghost you mid conversation. Women have little
reason to put in effort because guys won't ghost them no matter how much
they "nothing u?" their messages. Additinally, women learn not to value
approaches from men, even detailed and seemingly meaningful
approaches, because men are just playing the copypasta high quantity low
effort game (which women themselves taught men to play). The result is all
dating sites just devolve into pickup sites, you're just picking a photo to
bang.
 dish_spoon 14 points · 6 months ago

 I think this logic is pretty flawed, because it doesn't take into account
WHY women are likely to ghost someone. In my opinion, there are higher
ghosting rates because of two reasons.
1. Men have taken your stance and the quality of messages is low. If
you have the same standard lines, then the conversation will feel
dull and generic.
2. Guys take too long to move things IRL. It can be hard to follow a
conversation when it's online, especially if people take a day or
half a day to respond. If you're interested in meeting up, try and
move things along after a couple of (longer) messages. You're
going to know in the first few whether you think this person is
sane enough to meet for coffee or not.
As a side note, a 40-47% chance of being ghosted isn't great. It's certainly
not "guys won't ghost them no matter [what]" level.

 I agree with the rest of your post (especially the fact that ghosting
rates are high because men put low effort into messages) but I
disagree with one line.
(before continuing I want to clarify that we're both taking these single
man's stats as a model of the entire online dating world just for the
sake of argument)
As a side note, a 40-47% chance of being ghosted isn't great.

Women aren't facing a 47% ghost rate, they're facing a 47% rejection
rate when they approach. Which shows why women don't approach!
47% rejection of a woman-initiated approach, while not bad from a
man's perspective, is by far the worst rate of rejection (& attendant
Search
hurt r/dataisbeautiful
feelings etc) that women faced at any stage of the process with
this man. Why bother when you get an inbox of approaches every
day?
Once women allow men to approach and they decide to respond, they
only get a 33% ghosted-by-him rate. I agree, this is "not nothing," but
you're not taking into account 1) the fact that it's almost half of the
rate they ghost men and 2) the baked in asymmetry of how we got to
the conversation in the first place.
Both the man and the woman put in equal "work" to find matches.
However, from that point: the man was the one who worked up the
courage to approach, came up with the clever or interesting or
specific approach message, and then had to wait to see if she
approved of him. All the woman has to do is sort and grade men,
which is the easier side of the work no matter how much she makes a
big deal out of lazy approaches and dick pics. What rankles about
online dating is that despite all of the asymmetry that led up to two
people finally having a conversation, women still ghost men mid-
conversation about twice as often as they get ghosted.
Because this man gets rejected sitewide about 66% off initial
approaches, and then still about 58% oﬀ conversations, women are
teaching men to see a woman's reply-to-approach as a meaningless
signal that doesn't warrant increased effort & commitment.
It boils down to this, if women want men to transition into high-effort
conversation faster & earlier, they should ghost them less (perhaps
also with an attendant increase in rejection rates, simply not starting
a conversation if you're not really attracted). Then men will see a
woman's initial reply as a high-value signal that warrants an
immediate increase in "investment."
I agree with you entirely that both genders behave very shitty on
dating sites, but they do it because they're educating each other in a
vicious circle.
A few years back there was a "feminist" dating app where users were
only alerted to matches if women made the first contact, otherwise
the match would be deleted within two days. It was all about putting
the power In Her Hands and similar marketing language. I remember
reading news articles about how women decided to use this system.
They would invariably send a low effort "hi" "sup" type message, and
then ghost the men if the men didn't reply with the usual high-effort
or funny approach. By doing this, they essentially made the first step
of the app (women approaching) a meaningless, irrelevant formality.
The only purpose of the "sup" message was to keep the app from
deleting the match. The man "approaching back" became the
informal, but essential, first step that actually determined if she would
have a conversation with him. That's simultaneously funny and sad.
Women's strategy is predetermined, perhaps not by some bullshit
Redpill evo-psych, but certainly by game theory. They can force men
to put in the asymmetric effort and men will still do it.
 PM_ME_STRAIGHT_TRAPS 18 points · 6 months ago
 Women see 80% of men on such apps as below average. Maybe he was hot to you
(in a no homo way) but maybe only hits average with actual girls.
 OneLessFool 9 points · 6 months ago

 The thing with apps like that is that they tend to give people more access to
people who might typically be "out of their league". Especially on Tinder where
people are often just looking for hookups, more attractove guys are more
willing to lower their standards for a hookup. Which makes slighty above
average, average and below average looking guys look even less attractive to
some people.
 ThatOtherGuy_CA 28 points · 6 months ago

 Every girl on tinder thinks she's a 9 because some hot dude is always up for
a quick lay. Then it just completely destroys their self esteem when these
dudes never want to date, but the next guys always ready!
I have a friend who is a pretty average looking girl, but she refuses to date
anything below some Ryan Gosling looking mother fucker. Simply because
enough hot dudes have slept with her that she thinks she is a 9/10 and it's
super harsh trying to talk to her because it's nearly impossible to explain to
her when she's crying after the 3rd guy dumped her this month that she is
playing way out of her league and these guys just want a quick fuck.
 Gonzako 15 points · 6 months ago

 Trickle down hookonomics
 IllustriousCry3 8 points · 6 months ago

 At this point the ratio is so out of whack there is no point for most men to even
bother with dating apps. Even if you manage to get matches you can be assured
your match is talking to at least five other guys and is in no rush to form a
relationship. If a bus came every hour you would make an effort to get it but if the
bus comes every minute you wouldn't care. This is the position of women in dating
apps.
 1v1MeLittleBitch 3 points · 6 months ago

 Gotta cast a wide net. Classic strategy
 DegenerateWaves 4 points · 6 months ago

 On Tinder at least, according to some online test, the app punishes you for mass
swiping right or left. It will withhold showing your profile to others if you have a
swipe rate that's too high in one direction.
Search9r/dataisbeautiful
points · 6 months ago
 iop_throwaway
 joke's on them: there's a new site I found full of hot local singles...
 dankmeems 8 points · 6 months ago

 welp, my eternal bachelor status is all but confirmed.
 argentheretic 5 points · 6 months ago

 My back up plan is go to the Phillipines if I'm not married by 35 since they love
Americans.
 divijulius 3 points · 6 months ago

 I lived there for two years as an expat. This...is a very good plan.
Seriously, I do pretty well back home, but it's like what I imagine being a movie
star is like over there, women literally throw themselves at you on the slightest
pretext, waitresses slip you their number, women deliberately drop things in
front of you so they have an excuse to pick it up while seeing if you're checking
them out...heaven!
Going back there is my "screw everything" plan if I decide to give up on my
career and current goals. :-)
 iop_throwaway 4 points · 6 months ago
 acquire currency.
 [deleted] 3 points · 6 months ago

 To be frank this is worse. If you can acquire currency in a silent way then sure
but if you have a startup that blows up and your name's Google results are
attached to your crunchbase you're gonna find a lot more success with the
wrong people. Same with lawyers, doctors etc... People know you have money
so they act accordingly.
You gotta down play the cash until 3-4 dates in or you're gonna get strung
along by someone who likes fine dining and stupid expensive things.
 iop_throwaway 6 points · 6 months ago

 Sorry for the confusion, I wasn't recommending acquiring currency as a way
to find a girlfriend. I mean that instead of spending money on women in the
rigged dating game you can instead cultivate your own interests and
passions, and focus on improving yourself. You get to spend your time and
money the way you want, and if you aren't happy you have no one to blame
but yourself. Divorce statistics are a good read: women want a bad boy that
they can tame who is able to pay for nicer shit than they currently have.
Ironically, by not chasing pussy and by acquiring a comfortable amount of
currency you become much more attractive to women, which you may or
maySearch r/dataisbeautiful
not remember to avoid.

 I don’t know if it is just my life circle but I have met loads of guys who have said no
to the whole thing. Like seriously what is the point? If I said to someone you spend
loads of time and get rejected over and over again to find someone who you then
spend time with then if you are lucky you get some fairly average sex for a few
years but the payment is you have to compromise in almost every area of your life:
your free time, your money your holidays your hobbies. It is a bad deal. Total cost
of ownership is way too high. Be single and be happy. The benefits do not
outweigh the costs.
1 more reply
 Drazurh 40 points · 6 months ago

 You don't need to put that much work in. Just follow these steps:
Step 1: be attractive
Step 2: don't be unattractive
 cdub384 17 points · 6 months ago

 Dating sites hate him. Get dates easy with these 2 weird tricks.
1 more reply
 Chasedabigbase 4 points · 6 months ago

 Tons of boring ass conversations and people who barely put an effort to talk too even
after theyve put the time in to match, if you even get a response from them at all.
 OneHairyThrowaway 3 points · 6 months ago

 It isn't necessarily. I got about 20 matches 3 good conversations 1 date 1 long term
relationship. I'm likely lucky, but I don't think 500 matches is the norm either.
2 more replies
2 more replies
[deleted] 28 points · 6 months ago (0 children)


 Xw_Seifer 4 points · 6 months ago

 Hey man, you gotta work for that sweet raid gear
 kirbyfox312 7 points · 6 months ago

 Imagine not even getting 1 match.
My numbers for online dating would depress everyone who looked at them.
 absentwalrus 2 points · 6 months ago

 Maybe try a different site (paid ones have more serious people)
 kirbyfox312 3 points · 6 months ago

 Tried one a few years ago. It only suggested women an hour or more away from
me. Zero local women. And that was just suggestions!
I've given up on online dating after my Tinder profile got 0 matches for a year.
Except bots, got plenty of those.
 absentwalrus 2 points · 6 months ago

 If you are in the UK try match.com . I had no luck with another site eharmony
which ruined my confidence in online dating but a friend convinced me to try
match and that was that. I was however willing to drive an hour for a date
5 more replies

 Maybe he just shouldn’t bother and spend his time and money on cocaine,
hookers and fast cars instead
 hauttdawg1313 2 points · 6 months ago

 Haha that should really be the motto, “Online dating, its a numbers game!”
1 more reply
1 more reply
 NorINorAnyMan 36 points · 6 months ago

 What's the different between "no response from her" and "no messages from her"? Do
some women respond with things other than messages?
 dasoxarechamps2005 OC: 2  9 points · 6 months ago

 I agree that part is confusing. Just think of both as no messages were sent by either
party.
 NorINorAnyMan 2 points · 6 months ago

 How did you initiate if not by sending a message?
dasoxarechamps2005 OC: 2  7 points · 6 months ago


 "Initiate" means that I liked her picture or profile comment first, and then she
accepted the match. The one initiating does all the work looking through the pool
of profiles because if you're liked, you're told exactly who liked you and have the
power to either match with them or not
 BinarySequence 4 points · 6 months ago
 1. He sent a message but didn’t get a response. 2. He never got an initial message
from her.
 aakrusen 4 points · 6 months ago

 504 matches, 103 initiated by her. Of those 103, 27 were no response (by me) and 21
were no messages sent (by me). So 48 woman initiated a response to OP and he didn't
follow up. Seems like they're the same thing in my book.
 PM_ME_FIRE_PICS 1 point · 6 months ago

 Then what about conversations ghosted?
 cryptogek 2 points · 6 months ago

 Ghosted is not replying after a few messages I suppose
 dasoxarechamps2005 OC: 2  177 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

 Source: My profile
Tools used: Excel for data compiling and charts, SankeyMATIC for the above chart
After finding my first actual relationship since joining Hinge, I decided to go through all my
matches since I joined and analyze the shit out of the data.
How Hinge Works (skip if you already know):
Hinge is a very unique dating app. It is similar to Tinder/Bumble in that you can "like" or
"pass" on other people's profiles, however it is very different all together. Your profile
consists of up to 6 pictures, basic personal information, and your answers to 3 of Hinge's
"questions", all of which can be specifically "liked" by someone viewing your profile. These
"questions" are a pretty fun way to show people a little more of who you are. They can range
from "What's your typical Sunday?" to "Worst Fad I Participated In". All in all, it is a much
more personalized online dating experience compared to your usual sites.
A match occurs when Person A "likes" either a picture or a question on Person B's profile.
Person B then gets a notification in their app where they can see both what Person A liked
and Person A's entire profile. Person B can then either accept or reject the match and invite
Person A to start the conversation.

Important Notes:
The data is from matches between 1/19/2018 (join date) and 6/19/2018
This is in Chicago with distance preferences set to <5 miles
I am white and 1 year removed from college graduation (big school)
I was a premium member from 4/16/2018 to 6/19/2018 ($40 total)
Standard membership limits you to 10 "likes" per day. Premium gives you unlimited
and likely gives you more exposure
Tracking the amount of "likes" (that didn't result in a match) was not possible
SankeyMATIC Explanations:
Follow the dark vertical lines to follow the chart a bit easier
"Initiated" means who liked a picture/comment on the other person's profile first.
The "No Messages Sent" branches mean neither party sent a message to the other
person. Usually the person who initiates the match is expected to send the first
message.
Please forgive me for my flowchart skills. This is my first time using SankeyMATIC and I
tried to compile it in a way that makes the most sense.
Additional Charts/Graphics:
Matches By Month
Matches By Weekday
Matches By Time of Day
Matches By Weekday/Time of Day Combined you'll need to zoom in
Match Ethnicity
Type of First Messages Sent and Their Success Rates
Financial Breakdown:
Average cost per first date = 910/12 = $75.83
Average cost per total dates = 1,294/20 = $64.70
Total cost to find 1 relationship off Hinge = 1,294 (total spent on dates) + 40 (Hinge
Premium) = $1,334
Additional Statistics:
Average messages (total by both people) before arrangement of 1st date = 25.06
messages
Average days between match and 1st date = 9.69nice days
The matches in 2 out the 4 cancellations (all cancellations were by the girl) began with
a "compliment" first message sent from me
When girls initiated the match, they liked my profile info/questions 12% of the time,
rather than liking a picture, as opposed to me liking their info/questions 5% of the time
(not seen in charts)
I got a free couch, arm chair, and ottoman from a girl who ghosted me after the first
date
Key Takeaways:
I saw a very high increase in matches after I bought Hinge Premium
Girls look through their "pool" and initiate matches MUCH less than guys
Using humor (not pickup lines) or commenting about something on their profile were
the most successful first messages
Girls were generally most active between 9pm and 12am, least active between 3am
and 6am
Girls were generally most active on the weekends, surprisingly least active on
Thursday/Friday were surprisingly
Monday, Wednesday, and Sunday around 9pm saw the highest spikes in matches
Thursday seems to have been the most consistently active day for matches
Girls typically seem to ghost slightly more often, but hard to tell since I'm the only guy
that's tested
Dating is expensive. I pretty much paid for everything besides a couple occasions. It's
2018, don't be afraid to split the bill especially for first dates

This was honestly pretty fun to compile. If you have any additional trends you'd like to see,
please let me know and I'll try and dig through my data for you! Thanks for taking the time
to click on my post. Hope you enjoyed!
 kmmeerts 106 points · 6 months ago
 Total cost to find 1 relationship off Hinge = 1,294 (total spent on dates) + 40 (Hinge
Premium) = $1,334
I'm suddenly really happy my girlfriend's favorite food is mac & cheese
 derangedkilr 16 points · 6 months ago

 $1,334 - price of ottoman & couch & armchair = profit
 krennvonsalzburg 47 points · 6 months ago
 I got a free couch, arm chair, and ottoman from a girl who ghosted me after the first
date
OK, there's gotta be a story here....

 dasoxarechamps2005 OC: 2  35 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

 It’s funny actually. We discussed the couch and stuff on our date because I said I was
moving and needed a couch so she offered as she was moving out herself. She then
ghosted me, but I asked her a week later if her offer was still available and she said
yes. I then picked up the couch and then she ghosted me again ¯\(ツ)/¯
 PM_ME_THICC_GIRLS 8 points · 6 months ago
 I call worth
 BitterBytes 2 points · 6 months ago
 Lmmao
Yes extra m
Laughing my motherfuckin ass off

1 more reply
 fbncci 26 points · 6 months ago

 Phenomenal post. I know the sankey chart is more general, but I think the first message
successrate chart is most insightful. Ineresting data, great sample size for a dating post,
and good presentation (especially this comment).
 RdyPdy 8 points · 6 months ago

 First dates don’t have to be expensive. I try to do first dates that are simple and prompt
conversation. My go-to date is grabbing a coffee and going for a walk in a nice,
populated area like a park.
It’s low cost for both people, walking tends to make conversations flow easier, it’s easy to
end the date if things don’t get well (no waiting for bills and such).
 gizzyjones 2 points · 6 months ago

 Where do you live that you can go buy a coffee and then walk to a park? I live in the
suburbs and any coffee place is on the corner of a busy intersection far away from
any isolated park.
 Junglecat88 16 points · 6 months ago
 lmfao @ 9.69nice
 someguy_000 6 points · 6 months ago
 It's 2018, don't be afraid to split the bill especially for first dates
ehhh, I'd rather pay for the first date if I feel even a bit attracted, then once its obvious
we both like eachother I'd expect her to split more going forward.

 That was pretty much my exact viewpoint throughout the process, but looking back I
kinda wish I split a few times for my wallet’s sake
 eroticas 19 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago
 don't be afraid to split the bill especially for first dates
...
Average cost per first date = 910/12 = $75.83
Where are you taking your dates? I'm all for splitting... but I wouldn't blame someone for
letting you pay if you chose such an expensive place. If you want people to split with you,
you've gotta choose somewhere they can afford too. IMO a reasonable first date
restaurant is in the $8-$25 dollar range, with an average maybe around $19 dollars each
after tip.
[deleted] 4 points · 6 months ago (2 children)


 l-R3lyk-l 4 points · 6 months ago

 As a dude I will usually pick up the tab and ask if they'll take care of the tip. Obviously
still paying for more but it keeps it simple and hard to argue against I think.
 eroticas 1 point · 6 months ago

 As a dude I'll usually put my card on the table and see what happens. I'm poly so
everyone I can date is usually automatically a feminist and puts their card on the
table too no questions asked haha. I'd probably judge slightly if they didn't.

 Not blaming anyone, I just understand that most guys are pressured to (and want to)
impress a girl with a nice bar/restaurant and pay for everything
 pcopley 4 points · 6 months ago
 $8 first date
nigga what
 eroticas 2 points · 6 months ago

 You've never gotten coffee and a bagel, or went out for tacos or something?
2 more replies
 JuneBuggington 3 points · 6 months ago

 You save up your fucking lunch money for those big dates? Taking your dates to
cracker barrel? OP is in Chicago, unless he’s going to white castle i think its gonna be
more than $19 a head Casanova
 skysbringer 21 points · 6 months ago

 Some people don't have a lot of money. There's no need to be a douche about it.
I'm broke as fuck so would regularly go for coffee on first dates when I was on
Tinder. $75 for a date is very high by my standards.
 HandSoloShotFirst 5 points · 6 months ago

 $75 is pretty standard for dinner and drinks. The drinks are really the expensive
part. If you aren't buying alcohol out then this number may seem high, but
drinks are usually $6-12 at most places, and it is pretty common to order two.
$75 for two isn't even really considered nice. A Brazilian steakhouse I went to
for my birthday, which I would call nice, was I think around $300 for two.
But my current SO and I went to coffee for our first date too. You don't have to
drop $ for a date to be good.
 eroticas 3 points · 6 months ago

 Wowee. That's well over half a month's rent for me in one day, on one
dinner!
Sure puts things in perspective...

2 more replies
 kitcatxyz 3 points · 6 months ago

 • ”Total cost to find 1 relationship off Hinge = 1,294 (total spent on dates) + 40 (Hinge
Premium) = $1,334”
I think you forgot to write “Priceless”

 I-Made-You-Read-This 3 points · 6 months ago
 Average cost per first date = 910/12 = $75.83
wtf?!?
what are you doing with them lol
My first date with my gf was nachos at the student union lol. Cost a tenner haha
 PM_ME_THICC_GIRLS 1 point · 6 months ago

 were you students at the time?
 I-Made-You-Read-This 2 points · 6 months ago

 Yeah still are, but you can still get in if you're not a student - they don't check. Well
if you're significantly old enough then they will ask, but you can say there's a
society event going on inside which you're going to (plenty of societies here have
non student members too)
But I guess if you're old enough to be held up by the bouncers, you probs don't
want to hang about in a student union anyway but I dunno
 rwclol 5 points · 6 months ago
 Grats on the couch, chair and ottoman lol how did that end up becoming an opportunity
after getting ghosted??
 dasoxarechamps2005 OC: 2  1 point · 6 months ago
 See my comment above!

 Timmy12er 2 points · 6 months ago

 Do you mind telling us your height and ethnicity? (I scrolled through and couldn't find if
you did. Apologies if you did already!)
That's a huge factor in online dating app success/failure, unfortunately.

1 more reply
 Christianstudebaker 3 points · 6 months ago
 How tall are you?


 6’1”
 Christianstudebaker 2 points · 6 months ago
 That explains it haha

1 more reply
 ibuprofen87 4 points · 6 months ago

 What was the sex/date ratio? It may be crude but that is, at the end of the day, a huge
part of the payoff for the invested effort.
[deleted] 1 point · 6 months ago (1 child)


 Fajsdie 1 point · 6 months ago

 Would you rate yourself as being attractive, average looking or not so good looking?

 I would say I'm pretty average looking, but I'm also 6'1" which probably helps. Hinge
displays your height to everyone so girls can really pick and choose if they want to.
5 more replies
 succed32 36 points · 6 months ago
 This is pretty cool. Thank you. Ive been researching online dating to see how realistic it is to
find a partner not just a date. But very few places have this kind of data.
 MrMerf 16 points · 6 months ago

 If you can handle rejection, there is no harm in giving it a shot.
I'd say that I'm an average looking guy and do decently on Tinder with getting matches,
even gotten about 13 phone numbers. Going from the phone number to actually
meeting up is a different story.
I've had dates with three girls in about five months of being off and on with it and only
one went past the first date and turned into something casual.

 Yah i figure it might take years to find someone you really get along with. Just feel like
the whole meandering through life hoping you find someone is ineffective.
 MrMerf 11 points · 6 months ago

 I wouldn't recommend it as your only way of finding a relationship, but it doesn't
hurt to keep it around just in case you hit it off with someone and it works out.
Also I feel like it did build my confidence up and help me get over being afraid of
rejection.
Dating is tough man. I don't buy into the whole "Your one true soulmate is out
there" stuff, I believe there are plenty of people out there for every single one of us
that could be that special someone.

 I completely agree. I think theres a number of people you could have a good
relationship with. I think it comes down to timing and effort on both parties
maybe a bit of chance lol.
 drot525 1 point · 6 months ago

 Right person at the right time in both people's lives is the crux of the matter.
 percykins 4 points · 6 months ago

 Hell, if you have to have contact with 500 people to find one relationship, online's
the way to go...

 One of my friends has a different goal than me but he has slept with like 84
women now. I asked him how his answer "its a numbers game man, if you ask
out every girl at the party one will probably say yes."
 Ottero87 63 points · 6 months ago

 My rule of thumb is that it's 2018; before the internet, most people dated through mutual
friends and knew the person first (on some level) or had at least physically met them. With
online dating, you don't know much about the other person so a "first date" to me is kinda
like "date zero".
That being the case, it's coffee/ice cream and maybe more if we have chemistry. I couldn't
imagine dropping ~$50 on someone and never talking to them again. Dating is expensive
though...like most things nowadays.
Note to OP: Great job compiling all the data and posting it in an easy-to-read format. Hope
the relationship works out! :)
 GACGCCGTGATCGAC 15 points · 6 months ago

 This is how I see it too. I ask them out for a beer (or something) and if it goes well I ask
them out on a date. A real date. If I'm looking for a relationship then I really just want to
meet the person and get a feel for their personality.
I think approaching the first meeting as a 'pre-date' or 'date zero' is a important
psychologically. You don't waste mental or physical energy (or money) trying to qualify
yourself to someone else. There is nothing at stake. Rather, it causes you to ask, "is this
person qualified for me?"
 Dolthra 6 points · 6 months ago

 It's also far more low risk for both parties involved. You buy coffee/ice
cream/whatever and then bounce if you feel uncomfortable. If you're at a nice
restaurant or bar or movie or something where you're not paying for the thing after
the experience or are expected to stay for hours, there's always a chance they will try
to hold that over you if they start acting shitty.
 wofo 32 points · 6 months ago

 Online dates are blind dates that you arrange for yourself.
 hawkgal23 6 points · 6 months ago

 Agreed. Coffee or tea or whatever is the ideal first date. Gives you a chance to talk, not
committing to a ton of time if either party feels meh about it and a lot less money spent
all around. And if it went well, you could meet up again for dinner or even just a picnic in
the park (you bring X, I'll bring Y!). Dating doesn't have to be expensive and if you show in
the first couple of dates that you seem to be not wanting to spend a lot of money, good
people will take a hint and maybe offer to split after that or even cover the bill.
 IterMercator 1 point · 6 months ago

 Exactly, not to mention it would have a higher success rate due to having common
interests/friends
 Panicless 10 points · 6 months ago

 Thanks, interesting! So if you would be single again, would you resort to online dating again
to find someone? And what did you guys do on The dates? Just a drink? Dinner? And what
did you learn? Besides liking each other, did you do something different with your SO?

 I never really do things in my regular life to meet girls, so I probably would come back,
but who knows. All dates were pretty much going to a bar and getting drinks. Maybe one
or two dinners. And I definitely learned that starting a relationship with someone is much
easier when you can tell they WANT you, and are interested in you. The worst is feeling
like you need to impress or entertain a girl that doesn’t really seem all that invested in
trying to get to know you
 DitDashDashDashDash 11 points · 6 months ago

 The thing about them wanting YOU is so true! I can confidently say that my best
experiences in dating were when I noticed a girls interest, and jumped on it.
"Conversion therapy" doesn't work.
 gizzyjones 3 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

 Did this involve a lot of uber/lyft then? Seems like the logistics of this is a very hard (or
expensive) thing to navigate well.
Edit: Forgot you lived in Chicago - lots of public transport then? I used to live in Ann
Arbor where that was viable, but now I feel like going to a bar for a date is impractical.

 Yeah public transport in Chicago is amazing so I mostly used that. I occasionally
used Ubers, but they weren't too expensive since everything is somewhat close to
each other.
1 more reply
 Panicless 2 points · 6 months ago

 Makes a lot of sense!
 Fun2badult 11 points · 6 months ago

 504 matches? Man....I can barely get any matches...and gets ghosted or unmatched most if
not all of the time...life sucks
 Feelsbadman I have a similar lack of success. If I am honest I am about 5 out of 10
looking but I am a stable guy with interesting conversation so in person I could manage
a 6 out of 10. The harsh truth is I am not attracted to the women who are prepared to
date a 5 or 6 out of 10 guy and I get few matches in dating apps. It must be good for
some people (and good for them) but for me all these apps essentially mean there is no
point attempting to date anymore. Took me a long time to realise this but when I did it
was quite a relief in a funny way.
 wrangle_r 8 points · 6 months ago

 This is so interesting, thank you for sharing! I met my girlfriend on Tinder, I'm curious what
this would look like for me. No idea how many matches and conversations I had but I know
I'd had around 8 first dates and 3 second dates before I met the one :) The last rejection was
almost too much that I decided I was going to stop trying for a while, but I'd already been
talking to my girl and we arranged to meet. So glad we did!!
 megamere 20 points · 6 months ago

 WOW to see this broken down for a female. I imagine it would be backwards. Very cool.
Might explore my own match history
 wanna_live_on_a_boat 4 points · 6 months ago

 I used ok Cupid years back. I never sent out a single message. Don't know how many I
received, but went on about 30-50 first dates in 6 months. I think only about 5 people got
second dates. I met my husband at the end of that, and we were both on OKC, but
actually he contacted me through a different website.
 Skrillerman 8 points · 6 months ago

 Dating is so SHIT nowadays.
Why is it normal to lead people or fucking ghost them without any reason. Even after several
dates.
I had 150 matches ( different app ) and set up 25 dates. 20 of them ghosted and cancelled
without any reason. I did it 0 times.
And from the 5 dates 3 turned into something more serios. And 1 into a relationship.
That's pretty ridiculous. People are treated like numbers and objects that shit didn't existed
way back in the days
 [deleted] 5 points · 6 months ago

 It’s normal to ghost because people are cowards and don’t want to take responsibility.
Some guys need to grow a pair.
2 more replies
 asian_jim_halpert 13 points
Search· 6r/dataisbeautiful
months ago
 Holy fuck. How long did it take you to get all that data? Did you literally go through every
match, record the time and date, what the first message said, and what the result was?

 Pretty much! I believe it took me ~5 hours to comb through all my matches and record
each thing
 1nejust1c3 16 points · 6 months ago

 something something the hero we dont deserve
 TeffyWeffy 6 points · 6 months ago

 Once you except that it’s a crapshoot and a numbers game (unless you’re ridiculously good
looking), it really frees you up to be yourself.
Feel free to start out with an edgy joke or some dark humor if that’s your style, corny puns,
talk about something weird you’re interested in, etc. when you realize you’re gonna fail 95-
98% of the time you might as well be more like yourself, open up, give it a whirl and you get
lucky and match with a few girls that actually get your personality and click with you.
That’s at least how it has worked for me. I’d hate to see the % if success and failure in
matches, but the ones I actually met for dates have all gone pretty well, and most go to a
2nd date etc.
 InvertedZebra 10 points · 6 months ago

 Most of you are saying this is a depressing grind but truth of the matter is he arranged 20
dates minimum over 5 months that's nothing to be bummed about.
 percykins 1 point · 6 months ago

 Yeah, if you're looking for a long-term relationship, the work you're eventually going to
put into the relationship is way more than 5 months of messaging people. :P
2 more replies
 blowdry 4 points · 6 months ago

 Average 3+ matches a day for 5 months. Damn that sounds like work. I have a feeling you’ll
say it was worth it?

 I have a feeling he is not bad looking with a good profile
 super2per 14 points · Search

6 months ago
r/dataisbeautiful
 Anyone else think this is suspicious to have made the front page on the same day Hinge was
bought by Tinder?
 InSearchOfGoodPun 29 points · 6 months ago

 Maybe, but this post doesn't exactly make the app look very enticing.
 NeuroXc 9 points · 6 months ago

 It's got nothing to do with the app. This is how online dating is for men.
Women have the opposite problem in that they get a ton of messages and have to
filter through the creepy basement dwellers. Finding a mate through online dating is
like finding a needle in a haystack.

 Fuck, I guess I just gave them free advertising. Brb deleting this post
 velveteenMed 6 points · 6 months ago

 It is a lot of money you spent on datez. As a women, it costed me prolly $50-$100 to find a
serious relationship through apps. most of the time the guy paid, though i offered to split
always and sometimes the guy would accept, and i liked to pick cheap places like coffee or
inexpensive restaurant that would not cost more than $15 per plate. Where did you go for
dates that cost so much?
 Palatoglossus 8 points · 6 months ago

 Not OP but I live in Chicago and used dating apps prior to landing in my current
relationship.
I feel like there is an expectation to put your best foot forward on the first date. That
means going to a nicer bar (one of the reasons I stopped using these apps is because I
would rather get a beer at a dive bar). Not unreasonable to pay 10 dollars per drink. If
both parties have two drinks, that’s 50 dollars with tax and tip. Then you factor in
transport. It can add up fast. I do not miss it.
OC: 2  4 points · 6 months ago

 dasoxarechamps2005
 This is correct
 sketchy_painting 3 points · 6 months ago
 I do not miss it
jeez me too. so happy i'm in a relationship

 GreatExpectations65 7 points · 6 months ago
 Well. My boyfriend and I broke up recently and I was considering online dating for when I
feel okay enough to date, but this makes it feel like more work than it’s worth :\
 le_sighs 17 points · 6 months ago

 As a woman who did the online dating thing, it is what this data shows - a lot of work for
very few dates. It would be interesting to see the data for women, but you can see there
are so many points where things can drop off - either party not initiating. Either party not
responding. Either party ghosting. Canceled dates. Lack of interest. It almost felt like a
part time job.
 hnfr 9 points · 6 months ago

 Guy confirming ops point too. It feels more like a job to get something.
 GreatExpectations65 5 points · 6 months ago

 Well. I guess I’ll get another cat, then.
Honestly, I’m not in the best spot right now anyway, but this is somehow even more
depressing.
4 more replies
1 more reply
 I_BET_UR_MAD 7 points · 6 months ago

 It's a lot easier if you're a girl
 le_sighs 8 points · 6 months ago · edited 6 months ago

 This is what men think, but it's entirely untrue. One of the things that women have to
contend with that men don't is that many men use their matches to screen. What I
mean by this is they say 'yes' to absolutely everyone, and only once they have a match
do they decide if they want to talk to her or not. That means women get more
matches, but they also get more that aren't actual 'matches,' just men casting a wide
net hoping to catch something. So men look at a woman's matches and think, "Wow,
if I got that many matches, I'd be doing way better," but the reality is that those
matches aren't going anywhere.
There are things that both genders put up with - creeps, mentally unstable people,
people who are only on there to boost their self esteem, etc. - but the 'swipe everyone
right' tactic is one that (I found, anecdotally) tends to be used more by men than
women, which means women have to deal with more 'fake' matches.
 I_BET_UR_MAD 5 points · 6 months ago

 Yeah but generally if a guy doesn't respond to you immediately you know he's not
interested. I've run into a long string of women who seem to use dating apps for
their egos or to get social media follows.
Tbh i just don't use them anymore. You can't win on those apps
 le_sighs 5 points · 6 months ago

 Guys do that too, just so you know. I had a married guy who told me that he
wasn't looking, he just joined to see how many women he could match with
because it boosted his ego. I had another guy who told me he likes to swipe
right on overweight women, just to see how many liked him. I've seen DJs
promoting their insta accounts and actors doing the same. Egomaniacs and
social media thirst traps aren't exclusively women.
2 more replies
 OliverKovis 3 points · 6 months ago

 This is great. i always thoroughly enjoy when people break down the topic which matters to
everyone. i feel like those who enjoy this sort of thing tend to be more analytical in a
relationship. i also feel that they tend to be more successful too. Good job man
 whyregretsadness 2 points · 4 months ago

 500 matches in 5 months? Wtf. I have like 10 in 2 months. Damn it’s hard being an average
early 30s Asian guy. Maybe I should pay for speed dating or some shit.
 ul2006kevinb 5 points · 6 months ago

 How were a third of your matches, including some that resulted in a date, initiated by
neither you nor her?
 saifrc 4 points · 6 months ago

 Which numbers are you looking at?

 The next level after "matches". The middle ribbon is "initiated by me", the bottom
ribbon is "initiated by her", but the large top ribbon is neither
OC: 2  5 points · 6 months ago

 dasoxarechamps2005
 It goes:
Matches (dark blue line)
Initiated by me (lighter blue line)

Response from her (lightest blue line)
No response from her (lightest blue line)
No messages sent (lightest blue line)
Initiated by her (lighter blue line)
Response from me (lightest blue line)
No response from me (lightest blue line)
No messages sent (lightest blue line)
Sorry if it's hard to read, the alignment with sankey chart is a bit wonky.
 Oh, I got it now

 keegar1 1 point · 6 months ago

 Yeah not sure why sometimes the text is on the right of the line and sometimes
its on the left. Makes it a little confusing
 saifrc 2 points · 6 months ago

 There are only two ribbons at that level. Look for the dark vertical lines.
9 more replies

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17/1/2019 My 5 months on Hinge (match results, statistics, and trends) [OC] : dataisbeautiful

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