COMMUNICATION BARRIER - HOUSE M. D.

Cast:

Narrator

Mom

Daughter

Dr. House

Secretary

Pharmacist

[Inside the Clinic]

French mom: J’ai rhume. Je ne peux pas marcher puisque mes muscles etaient trop douloureux. Aidez-
moi, si’l vous plait. (Tell him I have a really bad headache and my I could barely walk as my muscles were
too sore. The pain is unbearable. I don’t know what to do. Please help me.)

Daughter (talks as mom is speaking as she’s translating for her): She has a really bad menstrual problem.
It’s really bad. The pain is unbearable and she’s been holding it all day. And plus, she’s super depressed.

Dr. House: [pulls a nearby chair and sits] She said super depressed (questioning tone)?

French mom: Pouvez-vous prescrire quelque chose qui pourrait aider? (Can you prescribe something that
might help?)

Daughter (talks as mom is speaking as she’s translating for her): She heard that birth control pills can make
her feel better.

Dr. House: She wants birth control pills for her PMS?

Daughter: I guess.

Dr. House: Really? Judging by the redness around your mom’s nostrils and the tissue that she conveniently
stashed in her wristband, I’d say her problem is more likely URI.

Daughter: URI?

Dr. House: Upper Respiratory Infection. A cold.

Daughter: I-I don’t think so.

Dr. House: Also, she got a problem with SAC.

Daughter: SAC?

Dr. House: Thanks for playing, Stupid American Child. If you want the pill, all you have to do is walk into
any health clinic in Jersey alone and ask for it. [writing the prescription] What exactly was your plan?
Exchange the birth control pill over some over-the-counter decongestants and make your mom’s cold last
for another ten years?

Daughter: No. [Dr. House hands the prescription] Is this for the cold?

Dr. House: No, sunshine. It’s for your ovaries. That’d be all.

Mom: (Thank you. Thank you.)

[At the pharmacy]

Daughter: Can you please give me these decongestants and um, these pills.

Pharmacist: Oooohhhhh, getting’ busy are we?

Daughter: It’s almost our anniversary and I want to do something special. [whispers] I mean, once, 5 times
in one night.

Pharmacist: Five times? Girl, you gotta teach me your ways. [hands the pills]

Daughter: You wish. (grabs the pills, gives her a P500 bill and walks away with so much peezazz, met gala
is quaking)

[At the clinic]

Daughter: She’s been taking the decongestants, but she’s not getting better. She also sa-

Mom: (____) I’ve been taking the medicine, but I’m not getting better. And my breasts are bigger.

Daughter: [sighs] Her boobs are bigger.

Dr. House: [befuddled look] How could you get them mixed up? They come in a little wheel, they don’t
look anything like decongestants.

Daughter: Oh god, the cashier put them both in the same bag, I thought I gave her the right ones.

Mom: (________) What is he saying?

Daughter: (____________) He accidentally gave you the wrong pill.

Dr. House: No, you gave her the wrong pills.

Daughter: You speak French?

Dr. House: Well, I can count to ten and ask to go to the bathroom. (_____________) Congratulations,
you’re going to be a grandmother.

Mom: (Looks appalled)

Daughter: I’m not pregnant! We haven’t even done it yet!

Mom: (_________) What did he mean by that?

Daughter: (_________) I don’t know!

Mom: (____________) Look at you, you’re lying, your face us already reddening!

Dr. House: Okay. I’m going to leave you two alone now. I’m sure you’ve got a lot to talk about. [picks up
book and leaves exam room]