DO WHAT YOU SAY

Agreement and harmony between what you say and what

you do
are paramount to instilling trust and generating charisma.
The more
consistent and congruent you are in every aspect of your
message,
the more honest and genuine you’ll be perceived to be. If you
don’t
believe in yourmessage, others won’t believe in it.When you
practice
what you preach, they will start to practice what you preach.
When
you achieve congruency, you will become more authentic.
This authenticity
is what helps you magnify your charisma and draws people
to you. When you possess congruency, you don’t need to
manipulate, hide, or camouflage your behavior or your
message.
Congruence opens the door to influence and charisma. It
increases
your believability and likeability. You attain congruency
when your message is synchronized with your beliefs and
values. It
occurs when your voice, body language, words, and vocal
tone are
all congruent and aligned. It comes from making sure your
verbal
and nonverbal messages are in agreement. Congruence is
even more
important when your topic is highly emotional. To enhance
your
charisma, your complete message has to be congruent.
When your
messages are not in agreement, you come across as not so
trustworthy,
doubtful, less than knowledgeable. and lacking in charisma.
Think about your overall history and, more specifically, your
last interaction. Were you congruent? Does your nonverbal
behavior
match your actions? Are you sure? Are your emotions
congruent
with your message? When your past encounters don’t align
with
your message, the mismatch triggers incongruence. The
feelings of
incongruence will usually manifest as a gut feeling. Suspicion
will
increase, and your audience will start to look for things that
are
wrong with you or your message. Distrust causes your
charisma to
plunge. Your inconsistency will decrease your ability to gain
influence
because humans can be natural lie detectors. When we
attempt
to fake congruence, we spend most of our time and mental
energy trying to fake our message, triggering incongruence.
Deception, of course, is wrong—no doubt about it. But you
can
trigger incongruence simply because you get nervous or
uneasy and
inadvertently show signs of deception. Sometimes, even if
you are
telling the truth and think you are congruent, you might be
sending
subliminal signals of incongruency and deception. The
audience
can’t always identify exactly what is making them distrustful,
but
they feel that way and that is all that matters. We all show
micro
expressions that happen so rapidly that the conscious mind
can’t
perceive them, but the subconscious can sense them. Micro
expressions
are quick facial mannerisms that reveal deception or
nervousness.
Another thing that causes a blip on your audience’s
deception
radar is a disconnect between your emotion and your
reaction. For
example, if you make an angry face, then pound the table
with your
hand five seconds later, obviously you are not feeling that
emotion.
Be careful that you are congruent with every aspect of your
message.
Congruence is simple to understand and difficult for many
people
to achieve. You waste mental energy when you are trying to
remember a past lie or what you said in the last encounter.
Attempts
to deceive just suck the energy and life out of you and your
presentation, causing your audience to sense that something
is
wrong. When you tell the truth, are consistent, and know
what you
believe, you are naturally congruent.