single!

A P U B L I C AT I O N O F O N M Y O W N N O W M I N I S T R I E S N OV 1 0

Young Christian Woman

control freaks: plus:

Welcome Are you paying
to Cuba to store
garbage?

what’s
wrong
with the
thong?

Just what you need:

accurate
directions

Top 10 Indications You

Might Have Been
a Pharisee w w w. o n m y o w n n o w. c o m
 single!
NOV 2010

young christian woman

A publication of
ON MY OWN NOW MINISTRIES
www.onmyownnow.com STRAIGHT TALK FROM THE PROVERBS
4. My Own Personal Cuba
By Donna Lee Schillinger

MOVING OUT ... SETTLING IN

6. Cleanliness ≠ Godliness
By Kimberly Schluterman

CENTER RING
Top 10 Indications You Might
8.

Have Been a Pharisee
By Robert Beames

THE RECAP
11. Ten Stupid Things Christians
do to Mess Up Their Lives
By Erik Guzman

SPARE CHANGE
14. Are You Paying to Store Garbage?

EDITOR
By Julie Ann

IN CHIEF
Donna Lee Schillinger
16.
FASHION DIVINA
What’s Wrong With the Thong?
www.twitter.com/D_L_Schillinger By Gwen Schumaker and Donna Lee Schillinger

ART
JUST WHAT YOU NEED
18. Accurate Directions
DIRECTION
Daniela Bermúdez
By Jeffrey Bridgman
 We see high
drama in the
movies all the
time, but in
real life, big
Fridge-worthy. acting does not
win awards.

Straight talk from the proverbs for young Christian women

who want to remain pure, debt-free and regret-free.

“In this interesting and thought-provoking exploration

of the book of Proverbs, Schillinger takes young women
along a journey that will help them to make better, saf-
er, and more sound decisions.”
Cheryl C. Malandrinos
The Book Connection blog

Now Available at www.onmyownnow.com,

at Amazon, B&N and a library and bookstore near you.
 STRAIGHT TALK

MY OWN
PERSONAL
CUBA
BY DONNA LEE SCHILLINGER

The crucible for silver and

the furnace for gold, but
a woman is tested by the
praise she receives.
PROVERBS 27:21

4
Does it ever cease to amaze you how movie stars seem
to crash and burn when they make it big? I don’t buy the
gossip rags, but I confess to reading the headlines while
I’m in line at the grocery store. It seems with mathemati-
cal certainty that the happy couple on the cover today will
be on the cover again announcing their split in a matter
of a few years (or less!). It isn’t fame that ruins a person,
however, if our proverb is to be trusted. Rather, fame is a
tool for testing a person and revealing their true character.
A little praise and recognition doesn’t feel like going
through the fire to me. I may feel a little heat under the
collar and turn a shade of pink, but I have never thought
of praise as a furnace, as our proverb suggests. Yet with
praise, recognition, awards and, in general, rising to the
top in work, hobby, sport or community endeavors comes
control.
A little praise and recognition
doesn’t feel like going
through the fire to me. I
may feel a little heat under
the collar, and turn a shade
of pink, but I have never
thought of a praise as a
furnace, as our proverb
suggests.
Whereas men are forever and always trying to be king of
the mountain, women are control freaks. It’s the same dis-
ease, just different manifestations. We all want control.
It’s one of those natural desires that can become a posi-
tive force under God’s guidance or a negative, highly de-
structive force when employed for evil.
Anybody can have control – just get a pet and you are lord
and master over a helpless kitty cat or puppy dog. It just
doesn’t satisfy like ruling people though. That kind of con-
trol isn’t as easy as adopting a pet; and yet it’s not so hard
to come by either. Most people get some measure of con-
trol in life through their job or parenting. Take for instance,
the night watchperson, nursing home attendant or hotel
maid. Each of these rather humble stations includes its
measure of control over people. What if you want an extra
shampoo or ice bucket? You’ve got to ask the maid, and if
she randomly decides not to give it to you, what are you
going to do? After all, it’s her supply cart!
Some people have authority dropped in their laps, never
having put out much effort to earn it. Others rise to the top
through a combination of natural talent, hard work and
perseverance. However it comes about, our bailiwick will
become our furnace. People of weak character will go out
in flames – some are slow burning, some go in a flash. How
long the testing lasts is a divine matter. One wonders, for
example, why it takes some horrid world leaders so long to
finally get their comeuppance. Rest assured, God is work-
ing His plan and purpose.
Hitlers and Husseins are exceptional, but you’d be sur-
prised – I always am – at how many people, when given
even the most miniscule amount of control, take it on as
if they were Castro in their own personal Cuba. Even more
frightening is that we see this often in churches. Thank
God I go to a small church without a lot of control issues.
However, I know of another little church down the road,
with fewer than 20 in the congregation, which is plagued
by constant power struggles. Almost every adult member
of the congregation has some title or office which they
take much too seriously. It’s a congregation of a dozen per-
sonal agendas. I wonder what God thinks about all that. I
don’t have to wonder what God has to do with it though.
It’s God’s house, yes; even that little hornet’s nest of a con-
gregation gathers in God’s name, and it seems that God is
using it as a furnace for those individuals. I pray they come
through the fire purified.
How are you going to handle power and authority? It’s not
long before it’s coming your way if you don’t already have
a portion. Are you going to be the person people talk about
in whispers – a dictator in your own rite? “Everything has
to be her way.” “She acts like the world revolves around
her.” “The only opinion she cares about is her own.” Or are
you going to be the kind of leader that rolls up her sleeves,
gets down and dirty with the rest to get the job done and
ignores the fact she even has any authority until a real
need to exercise it comes along?
Will power unveil in you an
ugly ego or will it strengthen
your commitment to others?
HOLD THIS THOUGHT:
I WON’T LET PRAISE AND
POWER GO TO MY HEAD.
5
M OV I N G O U T

cleanliness by kimberly

My mom always wondered why I couldn’t keep my

room clean. She said that if I would just put things
away when I was done with them, it would stay
clean. If I wait until it’s a mess, I’m never going to
want to clean it. It’s a chore. But if I keep it clean,
it’s always done. As she told me this, I pondered
how was it possible that my parents’ room was al-
ways clean. (Maybe I wasn’t getting her message?)
Occasionally there’d be some clothes on the floor,
but they didn’t stay there for long.

Despite years of bucking her system, I have finally

concluded that my mom’s way is indeed superior
to mine. For the longest time, I argued that ours
were just different ways. But not anymore. I’m sorry
Mom, you were right. My way stinks. Honestly, I
still don’t know how you do it.

Now I have almost 2000 square feet to keep clean

and I can’t even walk to my side of the bed. It’s of-
ficial; I’m a colossal failure in the housekeeping de-
partment. My husband doesn’t mind because he’s
even messier than I am. But I’d like to be a cleaner,
neater person. I’m a total neat freak at work, and
that’s how I perceive myself. It’s quite shocking to
get home to the scene of an apparent natural di-
saster and realize that this mess is mine. By age 25,
I think I should have figured it all out by now. But
I haven’t, and instead of doing anything about it, I
took a nap after work today.

But that doesn’t mean I’ve given up. No. Instead,

I have devised a brilliant system that is positively
foolproof (I think). Here’s my plan: don’t make a
mess. If I make a mess, clean it up. Vacuum and
dust on the same day every week. Clean the toilets,

6
 GODLINESS
schluterman

mirrors and sinks no less than once a month. Run

the dishwasher on Saturdays and Wednesdays.

To be honest, I’ve never accomplished any two

consecutive days on the above plan. I guess when
it comes to keeping up with my home, I = epic fail-
ure. Oh well. If cleanliness really is next to Godli-
ness, I’m in trouble. I don’t know what that adage
really means, but maybe there is some truth to it.
Certainly cleanliness of spirit is next to Godliness.

In Psalm 51:10, David requests, “Create in me a

pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit
within me.” Whether or not I run my dishwasher on
Wednesday or Thursday is incredibly insignificant
when compared to whether or not I spend time

“
with the Father each day. If you can eat off my floor,
but there are sin stains in my heart, I’m thinking
God wouldn’t be very pleased with me. I may have
four days worth of dirty dishes piled up, a month’s
worth of laundry (guilty), and a bathroom counter
that is practically a Petri dish of bacteria, but in the
eternal sense, that’s all OK as long as my spirit is
pure and steadfast.

My mom most certainly would not think those

Certainly, cleanliness
things are ok, no matter the state of my heart, but is not equivalent to
I’m trying to make a point here. (Sorry, Mom.) Cer- godliness, but maybe
tainly, cleanliness is not equivalent to godliness, that saying means
but maybe that saying means that after your soul is
in good shape, you should tend to your house as a
matter of first priority. Hmm. I’ll think that through
as I’m napping this afternoon.
that after your soul
is in good shape, you
should tend to your
house as a matter of
first priority.
“
7
CENTER RING

TOP k
10

INDICATIONS might
HYOU I HAVE
A BEEN

8
PHARISEE
BY ROBERT BEAMES
 If you were alive when Jesus walked the earth, would you have been
a Pharisee? We cringe at the thought. Most of us enjoy the feeling of
superiority we have over the Pharisees due to their obvious hypocri-
sies. But perhaps we have more in common with these teachers of the
law than we would like to admit. If you’re walking around with a plank
sticking out of your eye, you may already realize you have something in
common with this notorious crowd, but for everyone else, here are the
top ten indications you might have been a Pharisee.

k
You constantly test record, family, church or denomination, doesn’t

10 God – Jesus told the parable of

the Good Samaritan in response to
testing by an expert in the law (Luke
10:25). Occasionally God asks us to
test Him, such as with our tithe (Malachi 3:10),
but more often it is God who does the testing. He
is approachable, and He welcomes our questions.
provide a trace of entitlement to the kingdom of
God. Only our direct relationship with the Father
qualifies us to share in the inheritance of His king-
dom (Col 1:12). We are qualified by our faith in the
work of Christ alone. God isn’t impressed with our
efforts, any more than He was with those of the
Pharisees.

k
However, we should be careful not to use the same
approach the Pharisees used with Jesus, as they
tried to manipulate Him to say or do things that
they could use for their own purposes. God does
the testing. Our job is to trust. It works best this
way.
Your image is ev-
erything – Jesus called the
7 Pharisees whitewashed tombs in
Matthew 23:27. By this He meant
that they look clean on the outside,

k
You are motivated
by fear – The first time we
9 meet the Pharisees in the gospel ac-
counts, John the Baptist is asking
them, “Who told you to escape the
coming wrath?” Apparently, they
but inside are rotting, dead carcass-
es. Women strive to keep the appearance of be-
ing collected and confident, with everything under
control. However, God is much more concerned
with what’s going on inside. He continually expos-
es our motives and compels us to walk in humility,
not hypocrisy.

only desired to be baptized due to their fear. How-
ever, we read in 1 John 4:18, “…perfect love drives
out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.”
Sometimes we forget this truth, and approach our
service to God with an attitude of avoiding punish-
ment. Yet, our Father truly wants us to be inspired
by a zealous love for Him and for others. Fear of-
ten motivates us, but God doesn‘t use it to prompt
His children.
k
You justify your
6 disobedience – The
Pharisees were famous for having
detailed regulations to protect them
from breaking any one of God’s
commands, but Jesus exposed their
true intent. They made specific laws which were
easy to keep, so that they did not have to live by
the higher imperatives which were directed at the

k
You find comfort in heart. We might not murder our brother, or even
your resume – Repeated- curse him out, but it’s much more difficult to show
8 ly, the Pharisees cited their lineage to
justify themselves. Most of us don’t
him love and compassion. How well we perform
the bare minimum!
have a noble pedigree, but it’s still
easy to forget that our spiritual track

9
 k
You say, “Yes, Sir, I
will,”but don’t – In the
5 parable of two sons (Matt. 21:28),
the first son said he would not do
what was asked of him, but later
did it. The second said he would do
it, but never did. The Pharisees were like the sec-
ond son. They had a long history of talking about
what God expected of them, but rarely did they
actually do any of it. In our status quo world, many
times we do the same. We tend to be ready to talk,
isfy the minimum criteria. But in fact, we cannot
do enough, or avoid enough, to be justified. Even
if we were “better” than everyone on the planet,
we would still miss the mark. Like the tax collec-
tor, when we truly believe this, we can be declared
righteous by faith in the redeeming power of Je-
sus’ finished work.
And the number one indication you might have
been a Pharisee…
You fail to realize

k
rather than act. the severity of your

k
You scoff at oth-
4 er’s deeds – The Phari-
sees constantly judged Jesus for
His association with undesirables,
for breaking the rules or for simply
being unconventional. Yet, no one
could deny the effect He had on so many. People
felt loved. We often find error in the way another
group is showing love to others, because it doesn’t
square with our theology, methodology or maybe
we just want a reason not to do what they are do-
ing. We do well to reserve our judgment and sup-
port ministries which share the love of Jesus in
unconventional ways.
1 sin – A woman once washed the
feet of Jesus with tears of helpless-
ness and remorse over her sin (Luke
7: 36-50). It’s a rare moment that
we grieve over our sin in the appropriate manner
as did this woman, and yet an important Pharisee
looked on in disgust at her self- degradation. Ad-
mit it; we like to think we’re somebody important.
Recall, however, that “God resists the proud, but
gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6).
Did you see yourself in any of the above? We may
fit in more easily with that group of proud teachers
than we would like to think. (I believe he wanted
me to remind you.)

k
You find comfort
in rules – The Pharisees had
3 rules about rules in order to keep
them from breaking other rules.
Why was this? Probably because
following rules takes little faith.
Perhaps, we like to have our boundaries just a
little too clear, as well. It’s attainable to do a speci-
fied amount for God and we can feel justified in
this effort. Doing everything He asks us to do,
while staying closely connected with him no mat-
ter what happens, now that’s much more difficult.
Only the kind of faith which comes from God can
accomplish these things.

k
You feel you are
doing alright – It’s easy
2 enough to use to read the parable
of the Pharisee and the tax collec- Rob Beames is the con-
tor, (Luke 18:9-14) and scoff at the tributing editor of Genu-
Pharisee who thinks he is better ine Motivation: Young
than the tax collector. But how different are we, re- Christian Man, a publica-
ally? Do we make it through a day without feeling
the need to be justified? We have a natural pro- tion of On My Own Now
pensity to compare ourselves to others, so that we Ministries.
feel better about ourselves – as if we could sat-

10
THE RECAP

Ten stupid
things
Christians
do to
mess up
their lives

by
Erik
Guzman
11
 I’ve done some stupid things in my short life on this planet. 1. We think of God as either a child
At the risk of incriminating myself, I’ll give you some ex-
amples.
abuser, away on vacation, or Santa
Claus instead of looking to Jesus to
Back in high school, on more than one occasion, I would find out what God is really like.
grab a friend, get a couple bottles of Boone’s Farm and go
driving around drinking. That’s bad enough, but just for 2. We are obsessed with getting
the thrill of it, we would drive down winding roads on the better instead of with God’s forgive-
edge of a river in the middle of the night… with our lights
off. Another time, I took acid with some friends and went
ness.
jet skiing. I’ll spare you the psycho-delic details, but it’s
enough to say, we all could have died. Then, there was the
3. We forget the gospel and sacrifice
car surfing, and the time I hooked up with my crazy coked- the joy that sets us free.
out roommate. Anyway, there are plenty more examples,
but you get the idea. The point is that I’ve done some stu- 4. We wear masks instead of being
pid stuff – I hope my parents don’t read this. authentic.
Now, the things I just mentioned all happened over 17 5. We put our leaders on pedestals
years ago before I became a Christian. That means that and thereby demean ourselves.
the statute of limitations has run out and these events are
now part of my “testimony.” Now, I can safely share them 6. We demonize our enemies in-
knowing that God gets the glory for saving a dirt bag like stead of acknowledging their hu-
me.
manity.
Even so, there are plenty of stupid things I’ve done as a
Christian too. Trust me, if God rewarded us for our good 7. We live in fear.
behavior and punished us for the bad stuff, I would not
have a successful ministry, a house, a wife and three kids. 8. We avoid the reality of pain.
I’d be dead. I’m a firm believer in God’s grace, simply out
of practical experience.
9. We define ourselves by our fail-
ures instead of God’s love.
My mentor, Steve Brown, has a list of 10 stupid things
Christians do to mess up their lives. He also has a CD 10. We surrender the freedom for
album by that name and he wrote a book titled, A Scan- which Jesus has set us free.
dalous Freedom, which is based on those same 10 stupid
things. Here’s the list:

Trust me, if God rewarded us for our good

behavior and punished us for the bad stuff,
I would not have a successful ministry, a
house, a wife and three kids. I’d be dead.
I’m a firm believer in God’s grace, simply
out of practical experience.

12
 For many Christians, that’s probably not the mental list we
would have made for ourselves. We might have come up
with a list more like this one:
1. Watching “The Bachelor.”
2. Skipping church too many times.
tupi 3. Not tithing.
4. Not reading your Bible regularly.
5. Not selling everything and giv-
ing it to the poor.
6. Being a Democrat – if you’re Glenn
Beck.
7. Being a Republican – if you’re Jim
Wallace.
8. Cussing, drinking, smoking,
dancing, going to movies, etc.
9. Not praying enough.
10. Shopping.
Am I right or am I right? The reason we thought up items
on the second list is probably because of the second item
on the first list – and perhaps a few others.
Here’s the point of Steve’s teaching on the CD album and
in his book: Jesus has come to set us free and we mess up
our lives by preferring our prisons.
We should probably define “freedom” at this point. Ba-
sically, free means free. We’re free to live according to
God’s standards and we’re free to sin. It means that if we
don’t do what God says, He will still love us; and if we do
what God says, He won’t love us anymore. That’s because
our acceptability is based on faith in Jesus’s finished work,
not on our goodness or lack thereof. If we dispute this, we
drive a stake in the heart of the gospel.
Paul explains, “For by grace you have been saved through
faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not
of works, lest anyone should boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9). He
also adds, “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm
therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery”
(Galatians 5:1). There are some who say that the freedom
mentioned in that verse is freedom from sin. It certainly
means that, but if it doesn’t also include the freedom to
sin, then it’s not real freedom at all.
We may allow that we’re saved by grace, but think we
keep our salvation by busting our butts. But that’s not
what scripture such as the letter to the Galatians, tells us.
It’s difficult to read specific passages like Galatians 3:1-3
and not get this.
Does all of that bother us? It should. God’s ways are not
our ways. Does it make us want to go out and sin? If we’re
Christians, it should not. Why? It’s because of the key to
the message of freedom, which both Brown and I teach:
The only people who get any better are those who know
that if they don’t get any better, God will still love them
anyway. Don’t like that answer? How’s trying really hard
working out for you? If obsessing on getting better worked,
we’d all be Mother Theresa.
It’s the goodness of God that leads to repentance (Romans
2:4). We love Him because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).
It’s God’s amazing unconditional love and the resulting
freedom that compels us (2 Corinthians 5:14).
If we don’t start with freedom, we will screw up our lives!
We will never achieve the obedience we so badly desire
if we obsess on our goodness. Instead, we are called to
obsess on His goodness toward us in order to be trans-
formed into the image of the Beloved.
So now that I’m a Christian, I’m free to do all kinds of stu-
pid things and God won’t love me any less. I might mess up
my life or even kill myself, but I’m free. Does that make me
want to drop acid and take a spin on a jet ski? Nope. My
heart’s desire is to follow the One who loved me enough to
set me free to go wherever I want. I don’t expect a reward
or anything – just the joy of faithfulness and walking with
God.
He set you free too! Now
what? I say embrace the
freedom and stop messing
up your life.
Erik Guzman is Executive Producer at Key Life Network.
He can be heard on the nationally syndicated talk show
Steve Brown Etc. and as announcer for Key Life. He has
a wife, three children, a BA in Mass Communication and
an MBA. He’s also a drummer, 3rd degree black belt in Ai-
kido, and Master of Theology student at Reformed Theo-
logical Seminary.
13
spare change

ARE YOU
paying
TO STORE
garbage?
i

I had an epiphany recently about a major money

drain in my life that I am currently taking steps to
plug. This particular drain opened up a number
of years ago when I moved to New Mexico. I had
been living on my own but when I came back I com-
bined with another household and therefore didn’t
need a lot of my things. I didn’t plan on staying very
long so I put my household goods and furniture in
a storage unit. To make a long story short, weeks
turned into months and months turned into years
and I have continued to send in my monthly stor-
age unit payment without thinking much about it.
Finally I realized that if I would have gotten rid of all
my household goods in the first place, I could have
bought brand new things for less than I have paid to
maintain my old things in storage.

14
Ah, twenty-twenty hindsight!
It may be too late for me, but hopefully I can help you learn
from my mistakes by providing a few tips on how to man-
age your “stuff” – whether you are in between permanent
residences or just need it out of the way for a while – with-
out breaking the bank.
First, you should ask yourself if a storage unit is necessary
and if the benefit outweighs the cost. If I had only stored
my goods for a short period of time, say six months or less,
the cost would have been less than buying new goods. So
unless you are positive you will be a short-term renter or
your goods are of extraordinarily high value, skip the rent-
al space and find an alternative option.
However, before you store anything, take a hard look at
what you’re about to stash away. The contents of my stor-
age unit are quite varied. You can get a good glimpse into
my childhood by browsing the boxes of Barbie and Cab-
bage Patch dolls and accessories, children’s books, school
awards and artwork. You can find equipment for all the
sports I tried in high school, college text books and dorm
room decorations. And then there are the boxes of dishes,
kitchen tools and furniture from when I lived alone.
Now the items from my childhood have some sentimen-
tal value, so I would like to find a place to store at least
some of those memories. However, books, decorations
and household goods could have gone long ago. Purging
the un-needed items is the key. It may be hard to let some
things go, so you may need a friend or two for support and
to help you think through things rationally.
Once you have separated the proverbial “sheep from
goats” you’ll need to decide on a course of action for each
group. We’ll start with the easy pile – the stuff you want
out of your life.
There are plenty of options for getting rid of stuff and the
first one I would suggest is the good old garbage can. Toss
anything that is broken, disgusting, unusable or valueless.
Once you have trashed anything unworthy, try turning the
rest into cash. If you have a lot of stuff that will appeal to
the masses a yard sale might be the way to go. If you have
a few valuable or rare items, you might want to give eBay
a try to find collectors and people willing to pay higher
prices. Craigslist is also a great way to get rid of big ticket
items or collections. Be sure to research all these options
beforehand to determine which would be the easiest and
safest option and result in the highest yield. With enough
hard work and a little bit of luck, you may be able to re-
coup some of the money you paid for the items and spent
storing them. Personally, I decided to give things away
to friends and to charitable organizations that can pass
along to the needy. I may not make any sort of “profit” this
way, but I can claim donations on my taxes and it saved
me a lot of time. Be sure to get receipts and carefully track
any donations if you plan to use the tax deduction.
Now here’s the real conundrum: what to do with the stuff
you still want to hang on to but just don’t have the room
for at the present time. I have decided to make room
for my boxes in the house or garage. Unfortunately, this
means more cleaning and clearing out. If you are storing
things short term you may have an easier time finding a
place to stash your stuff. One summer during college, my
aunt let me store a few boxes in the corner of her guest
room, so maybe you are also lucky enough to have a rela-
tive or friend with some extra space. If not, consolidate
into as few boxes as possible and run everything through
the “do I need to keep this” filter again. If you must utilize
a rental storage space, opt for the smallest possible unit
or consider going in with a friend or two to cut down your
individual cost.
Of course the number one thing to keep in mind in dealing
with your worldly stuff is this:
“Don’t store up treasures here on earth,
where moths eat them and rust de-
stroys them, and where thieves break
in and steal. Store your treasures in
heaven, where moths and rust cannot
destroy, and thieves do not break in and
steal. Wherever your treasure is, there
the desires of your heart will also be.”
(Matthew 6:19-21)
Whereas you don’t want to toss or donate things you will
soon have to purchase again because they really are need-
ed and used items, purging your life of excess stuff can be
both a practical and spiritual catharsis.
g by Julie Ann
15
 Fashion DIVinA

WHAT’S
WRONG
WITH THE
BY
THONG?
GWEN SCHUMAKER
AND
DONNA LEE SCHILLINGER

“Make linen undergarments

as a covering for the body,
reaching from the waist to
the thigh.”
Ex. 28:42 NIV

16

Fashion DIVinA on assignment here in Brazil! Todo bem!
Fashion in Brazil is drastically different than in the United
States. Notably, it includes a lot of black spandex! I can ac-
tually abide that, but one renowned Brazilian fashion that
gives me considerable pause is… the thong.
Far from the passing fad I hoped it might be, the thong has
invaded the rest of the world and it appears to be here to
stay. I really wonder about this, mainly because I think
thongs are gross and I imagine they wouldn’t be very com-
fortable. My gut reaction when contemplating the thong is
“Ew, gross! Ouch!” and “Who would want to wear that?” I
also tend to squirm in my seat just thinking about wearing
a thong.
I have heard some people try to defend the thong by say-
ing it solves the problem of embarrassing panty lines. To
that, I might respond, so does wearing loose fitting cloth-
ing. And a host of other undies are specifically designed to
minimize the panty line.
Some say they are comfortable. Yea! For someone who
enjoys a wedgy, also known as a snuggie, grundie, gotch
pull, or Mervin, according to Wikipedia. Do any of those
conditions sound appealing to you?
Let’s say for argument’s sake though that there are some
girls out there who genuinely feel better with a “snuggie,”
– maybe it makes them feel more secure or something – if
that’s not what’s wrong with the thong, then what is?
Well, if you think for a second that the Being that created
every cell in your body and has every hair on your head
numbered might not care about what you’re wearing on
your backside, you would be quite mistaken. Proving the
point, is one of a couple of scriptures where God describes
His choice, His mandate really, of underwear – in this case
for the priests in Old Testament times. Yep, God’s a boxer
man! No whitey-tighties for our Lord. He likes the extend-
ed variety too – from waist to thigh.
Though these instructions were for priests, it’s not far-
fetched to generalize that our Heavenly Father prefers a
modest choice of underwear for all His children – after all,
we’re are priests under the New Covenant.
Why did we have to choose
this underwear? What were
our real motives for purchasing
a purple paisley thong?
Maybe you say, “No one is going to see me in my thong.”
Well, let’s hope not, but you know, your Heavenly Father
is looking. God made our wonderful bodies and it’s not
shameful to even be naked in front of Him, so we don’t
need to worry about whether He sees our butt cheeks.
But you know what? When God sees us in a thong, I don’t
think He’s checking out our butt. I think what He’s looking
at, and frowning on, is our heart.
Why did we have to choose this underwear? What were
our real motives for purchasing a purple paisley thong?
Was the choice made strictly in deference to our prefer-
ence for that snuggie feeling? Or was there even the most
subtle of desires to look sexy and feel sexy – even if no one
else knows it. If that motive was even the smallest part of
our choice that would be what’s wrong with the thong. For
that matter, it doesn’t have to be a thong that makes us
feel sexy. I know it’s hard to find plain Jane underwear on
the market today, and I’m not suggesting that white cotton
granny pants is the only choice God approves of. My point
is that our underwear choices, as our clothing choices in
general, should be made with a pure heart, not with an eye
to what will make us look or feel hot.
When I put deodorant on in the morning, I’m putting on
more than just a product, I’m putting on an assurance that
gives me confidence all day long that I don’t stink! When I
put on an awesome new shirt in the color that really com-
pliments my eyes, I’m not just covering up my top half, I’m
adding a measure of self-confidence to my day; I look and
feel good. How about when I put on a thong, what I am
putting on besides a small triangular panel of flimsy ma-
terial held together at the points by a ribbon? Am I put-
ting on a sexy feeling that will give me an air of sensuality
all day long or worse, on that important date? If so, that’s
what’s wrong with the thong.
17
ACCURATE JUST
DIRECTIONS W you
HAT
by Jeffrey Bridgman

Is there anyone who can honestly say he’s never been lost?
Even the best of us get turned around once in a while. But
NEED
now with GPS, MapQuest and the like, getting lost should
be a thing of the past, right? Maybe not; sometimes the
per maps, but since they don’t have as much information,
tools we rely on lead us astray.
they aren’t out of date as quickly—when’s the last time
Once on a road trip with some friends, we wanted to eat you heard of an interstate getting shut down for good?
lunch in a town I’d driven through several times before.
Avoid being late or lost by combining two navigation me-
I remembered seeing a Quizno’s, but couldn’t remember
diums and don’t forget to apply common sense. I try to de-
exactly where it was. No problem. My friends had GPS!
termine which highways to take ahead of time and make a
So we pulled it out, told it we wanted to go to Quizno’s,
simple list of the interchanges. MapQuest and other step-
and started following its directions. Ten minutes later it
by-step directions can be overly complex. Usually we only
gently announced: “You have reached your destination.”
need to take a handful of highways that can easily be re-
We looked around and we saw nothing but factories, so
membered or written down.
we kept on driving. It seemed irritated with our lack of
direction-following-skills as it politely announced “Recal- I always try to keep paper maps on hand as a back-up. Do
culating...” you have a map in your car of your city or county? Often
phone books have them in the center. This year when you
On another adventure, a GPS took us on the shortest
get your new phone book, instead of throwing away the
route to see the Gateway Arch in St. Louis. We figured
old one, put it under the driver’s seat of your car. If you’re
the arch was downtown, so we just told it to take us to
travelling between states, stretch your legs at the first
St. Louis. After a while we realized something was wrong,
welcome center/rest stop when you enter a new state.
but we continued to follow the directions. Eventually we
Many states provide free maps at their welcome centers.
“arrived at our destination.” Apparently, we had arrived
But that won’t do you much good if you need directions
at the geographical center of St. Louis, which happened
to a specific place within a city. This is where the various
to be in the slums. A more reliable way to find the Arch
online map services earn their money. Those turn-by-turn
would have been to look and head in the general direction
directions to our final destination can sure come in handy
of the towering landmark.
– when they’re correct. Back up these directions with a
And GPS isn’t the only fallible technology. Have you phone number for your destination, so if you get lost, you
ever gotten bum directions from MapQuest or Google? can call and have someone at your destination talk you in
A friend of mine used MapQuest to find the airport in the rest of the way. Visiting the boonies where you might
Northwest Arkansas and was directed down two miles of not get cell phone service? Then be sure to confirm the
dirt road and across a one-lane bridge. Experiences like online directions with someone at your final destination
these can tempt us to give up on modern amenities and before you leave home.
go back to a reliable hard copy map.
Mapping technologies are cool and convenient, but don’t
Although online directions and GPS’s can be very handy, rely on them as your only recourse or you may find your-
they do have their limitations. Sometimes, information self in a 2001 Space Odyssey moment, Hal. As always, a
can be wrong or out of date. Or we can easily input the little preparation and common sense can go a long way in
wrong destination. Although GPS’s come with beneficial helping to make smart navigation choices while on a trip.
information such as the locations of businesses, these
can change fairly quickly. The routes they recommend
might not hold up to common sense. And the devices of-
ten don’t take into account things like traffic conditions
and road construction projects. The same is true for pa-

18