Memorandum

To: Professor Zachary Williamson

From: Carson Vore
Date: January 16, 2019
Subject: Project 1
This memorandum presents the findings from analyzing my prose style in an assignment I wrote
for a natural resources and society course. My findings are explained below outlining if the paper
was concise, precise, and direct.

Being Concise
To write and be concise means to only use words necessary to meet audience needs and your
purpose for writing to them. Concise language allows the reader to completely understand what
is being described with the fewest amount of words.

Redundant Words. I found that several times throughout my writing I used the word
“believe” more times than is needed to get the point across. For example, I used the word
“believe” five times in sentences just like this one to try and get my views across:

While these are not the only solutions to help counteract the effects of climate
change, I do believe these are good ways to start implementing change for now and the
future.

It is not necessary to include this word in every sentence to describe what I think
is true and it can be eliminated since it does not help get the point across.

Dead Phrases. I tend to write unnecessary dead phrases like as stated before which could
be removed from the sentence and the information would still be understood by the
reader. This dead phrase could be removed or reworded to make this sentence more
readable for the audience:

As stated before, my hope is that I informed you in some manner about climate
change and that you, as Congress men and women, become more interested and educated
about this topic so when there is a crisis or situation where you must input your beliefs,
that you know what you are talking about and that you stand behind your choice and
decisions for the betterment of society currently and in the future.

“As stated before” was not needed in this sentence, which is already extremely
word-heavy, and if this information was already stated earlier it should not be repeated.

Unnecessary Modifiers. I noticed several unnecessary modifiers in my writing. For

example, I used the modifier “very” twelve times throughout my writing to add emphasis
to the statements I made. Refer to the below sentence for an example:
 Carson Vore. Project 1. |2

After learning about climate change from various platforms I am now informed
about how this issue is ongoing and a very serious problem that not only our country, but
every country is facing in some way.

I could eliminate “very”, and the sentence would remain effective at delivering
the information in a concise way.

Be Precise
To be precise means to be exact and accurate while writing based on the audience and what their
technical expertise and terminology is.

Technical Terminology. This paper was supposed to be addressed to the United States
Congress, an audience with a high-level of expertise. One sentence in my writing had
little precision towards the end which could cause the audience to be left wondering why
it was not explained, which is shown below:

Some root causes of climate change that have been discussed is the accumulation
of greenhouse gases, global warming, and the influx in emissions being released from the
burning of coal and other materials.

Instead of saying “other materials” I should explain what they were, so it does not
leave the audience questioning what I am referring to or leaving any confusion they
might have.

Consistent Use of Terms. Using consistent terms throughout the paper will help the
intended audience clearly understand what is trying to be said, which I tend to be a little
inconsistent about. Using inconsistent terms can confuse the reader and make them
rethink what the writing is about:

I believe there are several solutions to help counteract the effects of climate
related issues, while I do not believe that climate change can be one-hundred percent
reversed or fixed, I do believe that by making smart decisions and being more aware and
educated of the problem people will be able to change their habits which will ultimately
help the issue.

By using “climate related issues” and “climate change” in the same sentence, it
could make the reader confused about what exactly I am talking about. If I just use
“climate change” it would get the point across successfully.

Level of Specifics and Detail. Using the correct specifics and details in your writings,
the reader will fully be able to understand your work. In this sentence I did not apply
enough specifics or details for the reader to understand what I was talking about and I left
out information they needed:

These increases have been significantly rising in recent decades which the visible
effects can be seen worldwide.
 Carson Vore. Project 1. |3

By writing “these increases” and “visible effects” the reader does not know
specifically what I was trying to describe. Without knowing prior information about this
paper, no reader would know what I was talking about. I should have stated what
increases were rising and what visible effects could be seen worldwide. This would help
the reader know that I was trying to inform them about this topic.

Be Direct
To be direct is to be straightforward, to get to the point. Being direct in your writing you need to
use mostly active verbs and voice, topic position, and stress position. All of which helps your
writing get to the point without wasting words on nonsense.

Mostly Active Verbs. Using active verbs in the place of lazy verbs make your writing
more analytical and shows that you put more thought into what you wrote. In the
sentence provided below, I use the word “involves” describing the relationship between
climate change and several issues associated with it, but I could be replaced with a more
analytical verb designed for the intended audience so they could better understand:

Climate change involves the accumulation of greenhouse gases, global warming,

and the influx in emissions being released as root causes of this issue.

Instead of using the lazy verb “involves,” I would replace it with “infers.” By
changing the verb that is used, the intended audience will have a clearer understanding of
what is trying to be said and will be able to see the connection of the two parts of the
sentence.

Mostly Active Voice. Knowing when to use active voice and passive voice is important
when writing for an intended audience. In this case, I used the passive verb are to help
describe what the boulders were doing, and this drains the energy out of this sentence:

While meeting with the local chief, he said that the Ghanaian government has had
to put giant boulders along the coast which are there to help stop erosion from the rising
sea levels and to stop the water from destroying farmland.

By replacing “are” and then rewording the sentence to say, “…has had to put
giant boulders along to coast which will help stop erosion from...” This new sentence
uses the active voice to deliver the message without adding unnecessary passive voice.

Topic Sentences. Using a topic sentence at the beginning of a paragraph sets the reader
up to know what the upcoming paragraph is about, but in this case mine does not. The
topic sentence of one of my paragraphs leaves the reader confused and does not explain
what the paragraph is about:

In recent years, climate change has become a more well-known topic in news
outlets with more information continuing to be released quite often.
 Carson Vore. Project 1. |4

This topic sentence leaves the reader lost and confused since there is no
explanation as to why climate change has become a more well-known topic. By
rewording and adding in detail about what the paragraph is about, the audience will know
what to expect and will not be confused after reading it.

Stress Position. By putting information at the end of a sentence or paragraph, the reader
should be able to understand what the point of the paragraph is without reading it. The
end of this paragraph left my readers wondering what I was talking about and did not
give them what they needed:

I then show my values and beliefs through my actions (attitudes) and try to help
people become more aware of this continuous issue.

This ending sentence in my paragraph makes no sense and gives the reader no
information about what was said before it. Since this leaves the reader wondering what
was stated, I should rewrite the whole sentence and summarize the important details.

Noticeable Errors
A noticeable error is an error that workplace readers are likely to notice, like grammar and style.

Comma Splice. I found two complete sentences I wrote, but they were separated by a
comma instead of a period which would have shown two sentences:

During the summer of 2017 I spent most of my time in a small rural town located
on the south-east coast of Ghana in West Africa, while there I learned that most people
who live in the region rely on the ocean to survive.

This comma splice could be removed by making the two sentences separate. This
will help readers see that there is a pause and it is not just one long “sentence.”

Conclusion
After my prose style analysis, I found many parts of my writing lacked the technical skill needed
for professional and higher-level education settings. This project opened my eyes to a new way
of analyzing papers and helped me check more in depth for noticeable errors I do not typically
notice when editing. By using prose style analysis to check my writing for readability I was able
to learn how to be accurate, use proper language and be straightforward in writings aimed for
different audience groups and how to meet their needs.