Remnants of Hysteria

or
Pretentious Fucking Trash
The Beeler Episode

Joey Bee
(née Janelle Bonfour-Mikes)
A Masters Thesis Presented in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements For the Master of
Fine Arts Degree Columbus College of Art and Design
1
 Table of Contents

Acknowledgements 3
Manifesta & Other Musings 7
Manifesta 7
Other Musings 8
Abstract 9
Introduction 10
Process, Materials, & Methods 12
Process 13
Materials 16
Newsprint & Wheatpaste 16
Space & Time 18
Body 23
Methods 23
The Object 23
Performance 26
Documentation 28
Historical Context 29
Exhibition Installation 38
Reflection 43
List of Images 46
Bibliography 48

2
 Acknowledgements

Mom, words cannot express how grateful I am for everything that you’ve sacrificed for
me. You gave me your world. Thank you for working 80+ hours a week so that I could
pursue my love of dance. Thank you for always pushing me to be the best version of
myself and for teaching me to honor commitments and contracts. I can’t remember a
time when you did not encourage me to be an artist. That is very rare. You never forced
me to have a ‘backup plan’. You have believed in me every step of the way. I wish I
were better with words so that I could do you justice Thank you so much for every single
thing you’ve ever done for me. I love you to infinity and beyond.

Abbey, holy moly it’s been a wild few years. I appreciate all the support that you’ve
given me even when I was behaving like a raging bitch. I’m so happy that we have
grown closer through the years. Thank you for introducing me to Kesha and for calling
me on my shit. I don’t know what I’d do without you.

Meg, you’re my longest and dearest friend. You have stayed by my side through
everything. You’ve seen me in the various stages and worn my stained dresses. I will
forever cherish your friendship.

Britt, you literally saved my life. Thank you for being around and listening to me let off
steam. About everything and anything under the sun. It’s been so wonderful to be so
close to you. You ‘get’ it.

Ashley, you are the older sister I never had. You’re the only person I’ve ever been able
to collaborate with and still love. Thank you.

3
Alissa, without you I wouldn’t have gotten through this past year. The similarities in our
lives freak me out so much. You are one of my soulmates. I’m so happy that you invited
to brunch and I told you my entire story. In that moment I knew that we were destined to
be best friends.

Quintin, I would not have made it through the summer without you. You constant
presence made me want to come into the studio when I would have much rathered
stayed curled up in bed and wallow in my own self-pity.

Lauren, you are the uniter; the reason the 5 of us exist as a unit. Thank you for listening
to my constant yammerings on art and not judging me when I lose my shit. I appreciate
your love, energy, and optimism. I am so happy that we’ve been able to connect.

Mike, thank you for giving the best hugs and just knowing when I need one. You give
me strength and confidence to go forward with everything I want to do. Your insight has
helped me so frequently make a decision in my personal life and in my studio practice.

Toad, I love you so much. All the muches. You’ve been by my side throughout this
whole adventure, even when you think you weren’t, your spirit was by my side in my
studio pushing me every fucking day. Because of our ridiculous ups & downs and ins &
outs I was able to accept that I can do anything by myself. You’ve taught me radical
self-reliance. You have accepted and loved me for everything that I am and everything
that I’m not. through you, I have accepted myself.

B, you were right. You’re most often always right. Things did work out for the best. I
made it past 27, past 30. Thank you for visiting me in the psych ward each day. Thank
you for introducing me to butoh. Together we created and destroyed Panama Red.

4
Mary, thank you for your unwavering support. From the moment we met, I knew that we
were destined to be lifelong friends. Your mentorship has helped me grow into an artist
and human that I am proud to be.

Aaron, you have taught me more than you know. You’re ability to understand my
situation has made grad school possible. Your encouragement and support has given
me the confidence to take any risk and adventure.

Ric, thank you for taking a chance on me and consistently making sure I was getting
everything I needed to make my practice successful.

Melissa, Thank you for your ability to ‘get’ what I’m trying to say and for being
completely free of judgement when I ask the most ridiculous questions. I enjoy our talks
about perverted things just as much as I enjoy our talks about materials.

Special thanks to Molly Burke, CCAD MFA class of 2019, CCAD Counseling &
Wellness Center, and CCAD Facilities

5
6
 Manifesta & Other Musings

Manifesta

I am for an art that is violent and bloody.

I am for an art that fucks with your head and your
dick.
I am for an art that disgusts you.
I am for an art that makes you wet and hard.
I am for an art that supports the 51%.
I am for an art that spits in the face of the
patriarchy.
I am for an art that is angry.
I am for an art that kills the rapist.
I am for an art that is optimistically nihilistic.
I am for an art that rebuilds the wounded.
I am for an art that doesn’t discriminate; hell is
other people.
I am for an that is scum.
I am for an art that is pretentious trash.
I am for an art that asks for consent before shoving
its thumb up your asshole.
I am for an art that makes you wet with loneliness.
I am for an art that does not idolize the artist.
I am for an art that bridges the space between life
and death.
I am for an art that is anti-art.
I am for an art that fucks shit up.
I am for an art that deflates the ego of the
institution.
I am for an art that blurs the line between dream and
nightmare.
I am for an art that contains a little pussy hair
(both cat and cunt)
I am for an art that is pink and glittery.

7
I don’t make objects,
I make moments
The stars aligned it was exactly how i
had always pictured it beautiful and
romantic my scarf a pile of snow and
the ocean a razor i was going to be
just like isadora they dried me out for
83 hours felony lines abundant and an
unwanted dick in my ass before and
after i lived between my dreams and
nightmares there is no other option and
there is no end
Finally broken
Goodbye babygirl
A string
Frayed and torn in two
What once was is now
again
Farewell Unkle
Daddy’s Gone
Is it painful perversion
or pleasurable pain?

Bubblegum only twice

Not for pain
For pleasure
Hanging from your
ceiling
Now it holds your pots
and pans
Daddy please?
Nothing to grab
You had Marbles in the
desert
Never again
Broken like the legs on the
cricket I fed your chickens

8
 Abstract

My work is autobiographical and episodic. I use experimentation to cross multiple

disciplines to fully execute my concepts. My work coerces and encourages the audience
to confront uncomfortable topics such as; sexual trauma, substance abuse, mental
illness, and female sexual agency. I work across mediums and disciplines; however,
there is always a trace of my body present in the work. Often I push my body to it’s
breaking point causing permanent scarring and injuries. I use my body, graphic nudity,
and graphic representations of sexual acts to scrutinize every facet of my life
experience. ​Remnants of Hysteria ​or​ Pretentious Fucking Trash​ (2019) is a long
durational performance piece that uses banal actions, disturbing humor, and unarchival
materials to create a shared space for the performer and audience to experience a
fleeting moment together.

9
 Introduction
My work is episodic and I use experimentation to cross multiple disciplines to

fully execute my concept. My work coerces and encourages the audience to confront

uncomfortable topics such as; sexual trauma, substance abuse, mental illness, and

female sexual agency. I work across mediums and disciplines; however, there is always

a trace of my body present in the work. Often I push my body to it’s breaking point

causing permanent scarring and injuries. I use

my body, graphic nudity, and graphic

representations of sexual acts to scrutinize

every facet of my life experience. In my

site-specific experimental theatre piece, ​I

Ended Up With Scars​ (2017), I was an

ephemeral body who/that shared the space with the audience.1 The performative nature

of my work began to move away from live performance and shifted to video with my

series, ​Babygirl John Waters​ (2018). During this time I

shifted further away from narrative and explicit performance

with my photographic and printmaking series, ​Bubblegum:

​ nd ​Pussy Prints (​2018). Instead of my literal

A Love Story a

body in these images, I used my perceived abject vaginal

secretions as the content. I also began to further investigate

what it means to remove my physical self from the work in

1
I am using the term ephemeral to mean that I was a temporary being in a space sharing a temporary
experience with an audience.

10
my readymade installation, ​Chokin’ the Chicken​ (2018). From there, using my hair as a

mark making tool, I returned to the perceived

bodily abject with my drawings, ​To My

Former Self with Love (​2018). Throughout

this time, I was also experimenting with VHS

video in, ​Hello, Old Friend​ and ​Burn 2.2

(2018/2019). Those works brought my

physical/literal body back into my practice as well as the return of pushing my body to

the limits by scarring my body with razors and fire. My most recent piece, ​Remnants of

Hysteria or Pretentious Fucking Trash​ (2019) is a culmination of each one of these

individual pieces. As stated above,

there is always an element of my

body in my work. My content is

always autobiographical and often

perceived as vulgar and grotesque

although it shifts from literal, narrative,

and pornographic to abstract and

abject. I am always creating work

from choreographed and premeditated performative moments.

I began the beginning stages of the process for, ​Remnants of Hysteria or

Pretentious Fucking Trash​, with ​101 days of art: a studio practice research project​. This

project is fairly self-explanatory. I set out to create a study or project every day for 101

11
days. It was a success.2 Many of the pieces that came from this period were included in

Remnants of Hysteria or Pretentious Fucking Trash​. The performance event, ​Remnants

​ r​ Pretentious Fucking Trash​ borrows from theories set forth by the ​Cinema
of Hysteria o

of Transgression Manifesto (​ 1985), the Fluxus Movement, Nouveau Realisme, and

Marina Abramovic.

Process, Materials, & Methods

My practice is no different than my

pedestrian life. For the last 13 years,

my process begins in the studio. As

my life and practice undergo

transformation so has my studio.

When I began my career I considered

myself a choreographer and dancer.

My definition of studio at that time was

a large open room with a wood floor

(bonus points if it was sprung). Those

types of spaces don’t come cheap and I was serving/bartending at night and working at

a juice bar during the day. To acquire the space that I ‘needed’ I began a work-study

relationship with the yoga studio I attended and with a local dance studio. As my

practiced developed and I transitioned from identifying as a choreographer and dancer

to a performance artist my idea of a studio changed. I continued to work with the local

2
I define success in relation to this project as being active in my studio practice for each of the 101 days.

12
dance studio, but I also began to work inside my home. My apartment became the

primary space for creating and my work started to become much more contained in

relation to the space that I needed to show the final piece. That experience has

continued to inform my practice to this day. Columbus College of Art & Design was the

first place where I was able to have my own private studio outside of my home. In the

grand scheme of space it is relatively small, but it has been more than enough for me.

Process

My process begins in the studio with only my body to give me feedback. I move,

sit, meditate; I do whatever I feel the need to do in that moment. The process for

Remnants of Hysteria

or Pretentious

Fucking Trash ​ began

with an assignment I

had given myself to

get through the what I

thought would be the

most unbearable time

of my life.3 I began

using a VHS

camcorder to make autobiographical non-linear narrative videos. I created experimental

drawings using my hair and other abject materials.4 I also explored various ways in

3
I gave myself the assignment to create something without judgement for 101 days.
4
I use the term drawing in the purest sense of mark making.

13
which to document live performances and how those performance can result in tangible

artifacts.These explorations and experiments led me to creating stills from the videos

and photographs of the aftermath of the performances to use as materials in the current

version of ​Remnants of Hysteria or Pretentious Fucking Trash​.

As my studio research continued, I began to question the importance that

tangible and archival artifacts created from the ephemeral moments in live performance

play in my practice. *Drum sound* NONE! I came to the realization that for this piece

those types of artifacts do not support my overarching reasons for creating performance

art.5 I create ephemeral moments because I want to communicate that nothing lasts for

forever. The bad nights don’t last forever, the good days don’t last forever.

Relationships don’t last for forever. Nothing at all is forever and so we must exist solely

in the moment. I am an optimistic nihilist. Our existence and everything we experience

5
I do document the work in various ways which I will explicate later in this paper.

14
means nothing until we choose to give it meaning. We must fully embrace the present

moment in order to benefit from our temporary existence.

A large part of my creative process is mindful meditation.6 I sit or lay in a quiet

space and begin by counting my breaths. As the meditation progresses I begin to focus

less on breath and more on the sensations within my body. When my mind wanders I

bring my focus back to my breath and begin the process again. In these sessions it's

important that do not judge my thoughts. I merely experience them and let them fall

away. My mindfulness practice is an especially crucial part of the process for this piece.

It is important that for the duration of ​Remnants of Hysteria or Pretentious Fucking

Trash t​ hat I remain mindful. I am aware of the sensations throughout my body and my

mind for the entire duration of the session(s). In addition to the awareness I have of

6
A mental state achieved by focusing one’s attention on the present moment. It is important to calmy
acknowledge and accept one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations.

15
 myself, it is also important that I am aware

of who is around me. I have chosen to

allow myself to speak to audience. In order

to be present in moment and engage

authentically with the audience I must not

fall into

my own

mind and personal thoughts. I aim to create a sacred

space and allow the viewer to feel comfortable and

able to communicate openly with me. This piece is

incredibly conceptual and therefore somewhat

inaccessible and may be viewed as pretentious. The

experience is no different if I am alone or if I am with

other beings. I perform in the same way and with the

same intent in either situation.

Materials

Newsprint and Wheat Paste

The tangible materials I’ve chosen to use are almost universally accessible,

unarchival, and have a history in protest. I use unarchival newsprint & craft paper to

print the images and I apply it to my surface using wheat paste that I make myself.7

Both types of paper I use can be found for a relatively low price on Amazon.com as well

7
The newsprint itself is unarchival and I have chosen not to treat it.

16
 as at many craft & hobby stores. Most

people have the ingredients in their

kitchen cupboards to make wheat

paste and if they don’t they are

available at most grocery stores. This

is important to me because I freely

give the score to viewers/witnesses

and I want them to be able acquire the

materials easily so that they may

create the piece themselves. My

personal content is often very cerebral

and therefore it becomes inaccessible

to a large portion of the population. By

using these readily available materials I am making it accessible in a different way.

The choice to use unarchival materials supports my desire to keep the moments

and the piece somewhat ephemeral. With time, these materials will degrade and

disappear just as the moment and the memory of the moment does. There is nothing

that we can do as humans to keep the memory alive as it existed in that moment. I treat

the wheat paste with salt and cinnamon to increase the longevity of it, but eventually it

will mold and become a new organism. We can keep memories of moments alive

through various techniques, but as time progresses the memories continue to morph

and evolve into something that only references a past experience.

17
 Space/Time

As I write this, I have yet to complete the 83 hours I set out to perform. In 2015 I

spent 83 hours in the dual treatment program of Tristar Centennial Hospital Parthenon

Pavilion Psychiatric wing for a suicide attempt

accompanied by substance abuse issues.

Originally this amount of time was incredibly

important to the piece; however, as the

performance has progressed I have realized

that the ​exact​ amount of time is not

important.8 Temporality, permanence &

impermanence, and immediacy have become

the vital focus in reference to time. It is not the

amount of hours that I spend, but that I am

engaging with the piece everyday. This is a

(​re)​presentation of the necessary act of addressing and working through traumatic

experiences to become a more authentic and kind human being.

Each element of ​Remnants of Hysteria or Pretentious Fucking Trash​ is

temporary. In the above section I have expounded on the temporality of the tangible

separate materials. The piece as a whole is also temporary. The combination of the

tangible materials i.e. the ‘wall’ will cease to exist once the exhibition has ended. The

8
I intend to complete at least 83 hours. It is what I set out to do and so I will. I’ve realized that this is
because of personal reasons rather than artistic ones. I am ‘re-doing’ the 83 hours because I took the
easy way out the first time. I was able to manipulate the hospital staff into believing I could function in the
outside world and that I had a great support system.

18
movement of time has led to the deshaping of the object. This is due in part to the

actions that I perform as well as the unarchival nature of the medias I have used.

Performance in itself is temporary. It vanishes as soon as its experienced. It only exists

within the temporal parameters of the predefined performance.9 In every single moment

we are experiencing the dissipation of the previous moment.

9
​Wilson, James Andrew. "When Is a Performance?: Temporality in the Social Turn." ​Performance
Research 1 ​ 7, no. 5 (2012): 110-18. doi:10.1080/13528165.2012.728450.

19
 The 4th dimension is my favorite dimension and I

believe that is where my soul resides.10 The first time

I realized that I existed on an entirely different

dimension was my first experience with DMT.11 I was

able to ​see t​ he way in which the movement of time

causes space to dematerialize and to take a new

form. The permanence of time causes the

impermanence of space. The found object wall

references a monument and is a seemingly

permanent fixture. The monumentalization of my

past experiences within the images denotes an

importance given to them and the literal scraping

away implies that memories are impermanent. By

peeling away what is seen as important I insinuate

that my future actions are equally as important,if

not more, than where I have been. “A thing’s place

is no longer anything but a point in its movement,

just as the stability of a thing is only its movement

10
The 4th dimension is the combination of length, width, height, and duration.
11
Dimethyltryptamine (DMT) is an intense naturally-occurring psychedelic that's found in the human body.
DMT can be used recreationally and spiritually to travel to various dimensions and to alter the user’s
sense of reality.

20
indefinitely slowed down.”12 The audience can see the progression of time and the

impermanence of the image laden wall through my physical actions and manipulations

to the object. I have also allowed myself to communicate with the audience which has

added another layer to the impermanence of the piece. These interactions are fleeting

for both the audience member and for myself. Each viewer then has their own personal

experience with the object and with the spatio-temporality of the performance.

Immediacy is a key theme within the creation and within the execution of the

piece. I believe immediacy begins with instinct. I began the

final version of ​Remnants of Hysteria or Pretentious Fucking

Trash ​ by following my intuition. I was in the studio late one

Sunday night wheatpasting my images to the wall trying to

figure out what to do with that creation. Suddenly, the idea to

simply peel them away came to me. The act of placing the

images on my wall and the act peeling the images off the wall

is intuitive and immediate. I act, then think, then explain. I

have learned to trust my body and my work. It will show me what it needs. Immediacy is

about the here & now. The combination of space and of time. As I have mentioned

above I have allowed myself to talk to the audience. I answer their questions and we

have a natural conversation. I allow them to lead the interaction. This has lent itself to

an immediate understanding of my intentions with the piece. It’s instant gratification for

them and for me.

12
​ 1, no. 3 (2016): 65-73.
​Stanger, Arabella. "Heterotopia as Choreography." ​Performance Research 2
doi:10.1080/13528165.2016.1176739.

21
22
 The Body

My body is the most essential material in this work and in my practice as a whole.

When I speak of my body as essential to the piece I am not referring to the body a core

theoretical concept. The body is an ingredient, not the recipe. Without my body, this

​ m the
piece wouldn’t exist. Almost all of the images are of my physical body and ​I a

piece.13 The action of peeling away the images is the piece. Placing myself as subject

and object in this autobiographical work aims to create empathy between the audience

and myself. This empathy allows for the audience to have a deeper connection with the

piece.14 It is no longer simply visual, rather it becomes kinesthetic and visceral insofar

that the audience can hear my nails and skin scraping on the drywall. It is a sound

familiar to most anyone that has attempted to peel something off a non-glass wall. They

hear the sounds and can relate; as well as, see the swelling in my fingers and smell the

eucalyptus from the pain salve that I must continually apply in order to progress.

Multiple senses are activated, however the most substantial reason that this becomes a

kinesthetic and visceral experience for the audience is because they ask me about my

body and a conversation grows between us.

Methods

The Object

The creation of the object was full of trial and errors. As I’ve mentioned above, I

was originally focused on creating something that was tangible as well as archival. I

13
There are a few images of my cats and of important captured moments. Like the images of myself,
those images also reference coping mechanisms and moments of psychosis.
14
When using the phrase ‘the piece’ in reference to ​Remnants of Hysteria or Pretentious Fucking Trash ​I
am referring to the piece as a whole. This includes the object as well as the performance.

23
experimented with applying the images to 2’ x 2’ square pieces of ¼” sheets of drywall,

18” x 24” sheets of masonite, and various sizes of commercial poster board.15 Although

I treated and sealed the drywall and masonite with waterproof substances it warped due

to the vast amount of liquid in the wheat paste. This warping caused those materials to

bow and buckle and I desired a flat aesthetic visually and the flatness of the object will

aide installation. The poster board was unstable and fragile. I was able to pull multiple

layers off very quickly and easily. If I were to use this method I would have had to

15
I used posterboard found in craft stores that is typically used for school projects.

24
quadruple the amount of images and layers

needed to sustain the piece for the extended

duration of the final performance(s).

Throughout these trials and errors I learned

that the piece didn’t need to have any lasting

archival ephemera. The performance was the

piece, not the object.

I was able to use the found wall for the

final object. This lent itself to a much easier

assembly and gallery installation. Once this

was decided, I simply printed my images on

newsprint and wheat pasted them directly to the wall. Initially I used 18” x 24” sheets of

newsprint and printed one image per sheet. I was later able to use

a roll of newsprint. At this point I was still printing multiple single

images on 10’ of paper at a time. This was still too time-consuming

and laborious because I had to cut and separate each image so

that I could collage them onto the wall. Immediacy is a very

important component in this work and so I began by collaging the

images in photoshop and applying those collaged sheets to the

wall so that I could quickly obtain the aesthetic I was looking for. Towards the end of

the process I returned to printing and cutting multiple images so that I could better

manipulate the look of the wall.

25
Performance

The creation of the final performance was

fairly simple. I executed my initial concept of peeling

images off of the wall. In my first critique of this

piece. I performed a strictly peeling score in my

studio with no sound for about 2.5 hours. This felt

successful, the work was captivating and a majority

of the audience maintained interest for 20 minutes or

longer. It was a very

emotional and cathartic

performance for me. At this stage, I was unsure of how I felt

about those moments in the performance. I learned the

most from the 2nd critique performance. In this performance

I added sound and a very deliberate costume-y costume.

This

performance also happened in a

public hallway and drew many

people from outside of the

department. I began to feel very

self-conscious and my dance

training kicked in. Towards the

26
end of this piece my self-conscious feelings coupled with the sound score caused me to

start improvising in my familiar style of butoh.16 In this critique I realized that I revert to

what I know will garner attention. These dance informed movements did not support my

concept. It became about my virtuosity rather than my content. I did one final rehearsal

before installation in the gallery. In this performance, I focused on using all four sides of

the wall, placing the wall on a diagonal, and keeping to the strictly peeling score. Even

though there weren’t any astonishing discoveries following that rehearsal, it did cement

my initial concept and score.

16
Butoh is a Japanese postmodern dance form that grew from the WWII. The visual style of butoh that I
practice is incredibly slow and I contort and tense various parts of my body. It is incredibly captivating to
watch especially if the viewer is somewhat unfamiliar or rarely sees modern/postmodern dance.

27
 Documentation

I use(d) various modes of documenting ​Remnants of Hysteria or

Pretentious Fucking Trash​. My main source of documenting the

piece is through photographs. After each session I simply take

photos using my IPhone. I document each side, the detritus on the

floor, and close up sections of the

wall. I have recorded some videos,

but that is not an every session occurrence. I don’t

think each and every session needs to be video

recorded. The

movements are

banal and

uninteresting via

previously

recorded video. I have found that every 6 hours or

so is enough to allow for proper documentation for

future reference and submissions. More frequently I

video documents via Instagram Live.17 This live

stream allows for viewers to see the performance as it’s happening in real time. This

feature also allows for viewers to engage with me as I am performing and streaming.

17
​I​nstagram Live is a feature on Instagram Stories that allows users to stream video to followers and
engage with them in real time. When users broadcast live video streams on their accounts. Once the live
video has ended it is no longer visible on the app unless the user chooses to reshare it on their stories. A
story is available to view for 24 hours unless the user removes it before then or archives it on their main
page.

28
Because this video is unavailable after 24 hours it also references the ephemeral nature

of the performance.

Historical Context

The title, ​Remnants of Hysteria or Pretentious Fucking Trash​, is a nod to the

subject of my work and to my influences. The word hysteria can be traced back to its

original use when women were thought to be insane and the treatment for that insanity

was an orgasm.18 I explore various themes of sexuality in my practice as a whole and

this word pays tribute to that and a majority of the images I used in this piece are very

sexual in nature. The first part of my title is a private reference to the state of my

apartment during intense hysterical episode leading to my suicide attempt which

resulted in my hospitalization.19 The second half of the title pokes fun at what is typically

seen as high art. I am performing this very banal action of peeling wallpaper off of a wall

and calling it art. To people outside of my academic art echochamber this piece can

very much be read as pretentious and wildly inaccessible. The tangible part of the piece

literally becomes trash.

Throughout the creation of ​Remnants of Hysteria or Pretentious Fucking Trash ​I

referenced Anthony Julius’ ​Transgressions: The Offences of Art​ (2002) and ​The

Cinema of Transgression​ ​Manifesto ​(1985) to support many of my choices.20 The

18
Maines, Rachel P. ​The Technology of Orgasm: Hysteria, the Vibrator, and Womens Sexual
Statisfaction.​ Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press, 2001.
19
My close friend and former creative partner’s sister was the first to arrive at my apartment following the
notification of my suicide attempt and hospitalization. She immediately called my friend and said, “I think
someone has ransacked her apartment before I got here.” My friend replied, “No, that’s just how she’s
been living.”
20
​Jeriko, Orion. "Cinema of Transgression Manifesto." Editorial. ​The Underground Film Bulletin​, 1985.

29
banality and other aspects of the performance can be traced to the Fluxus movement

and Nouveau Realisme. The most direct influence in this work is Marina Abramovic and

​ ethod.
her ​Cleaning the House m

In, ​Transgressions: The Offenses of Art​ (2002), Julius categorizes transgressive

art into three types: violating art rules, taboo breaking, and disobedient art.​ ​Art rules are

described as how the piece is to be executed, what the piece can be, and what the

piece can be about. Violating art rules pertains to the technique and form of a work of

art. In historically conventional art practice, these rules are meant to be followed in order

to make what the western patriarchal hegemonic society deems as acceptable art.

Although closely related to rule-breaking, taboo-breaking focuses on challenging the

viewer rather than on the greater art institution. This typology is concerned with the

reception of the piece or how the audience reads and responds. Taboo-breaking pieces

challenge the unspoken beliefs held by the aforementioned patriarchal hegemonic

society. Taboo-breaking art often finds its way into the throes of censorship. The third

typology that Julius’ outlines is disobedient art.This category is relevant to the subject

matter of the piece. He goes on to refer to this typology as transgressive political art.

Essentially, it is just that; “politically resistant art exposes to scrutiny the coercive
21
authority of the state”. This can often happen simply by using a small stick to poke the

state into showing what it’s hiding.

I inadvertently broke the rule regarding acceptable media to use and in the fact

that I will not have any lasting ephemera from this piece. The photos and videos of the

​Julius, Anthony, and Anthony Julius. "III. A Typology of Transgressions." In ​Transgressions: The Offences of Art,​
100-85. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2003.
21 ​
Julius p112

30
piece are purely for documentation

purposes. I have been told multiple

times that I need to have archival

objects to be able to send off to various

other institutions. That is not part of this

piece nor is it a focal point of my

practice. I create moments that may or

may not result in archival artifacts. I

also included cigarette ash and glitter

in the final batch of wheatpaste.

Neither of these media are acceptable

to use in ‘high’ art. One is seen as

abject and dirty while the other is

reserved for children and pinterest projects.

To the academic art institution that I am a part of this piece does not break any

taboos. However, when pedestrians not affiliated with Columbus College of Art &

Design occupied the space in which I

was working on the object they took it

upon themselves to censor my work

by taping paper directly on the

perceived pornographic images. I

confronted the censor and asked,

31
“would you have done this if this were a painting?”. They stammered and then stood in

silence. That in and of itself answered my question. In our society, of women’s sexuality

being unapologetically

represented in a photograph is

still seen as taboo when it is not

the diaphanous, sterile, and

modest female beauty

representation that is often seen

and referenced in western pop

culture.

Subtle humor is always a part of my work. Zedd states in ​The Cinema of

Transgression Manifesto​ (1985) that “a sense of humor is an essential element

discarded by the doddering

academics and further that any film

that doesn’t shock, isn’t worth

looking at”.22 As mentioned above I

have included glitter in this piece.

The juxtaposition of glitter with

images showing blood dripping

down my hip is funny to me and

disturbing to some. Blood and glitter in the same piece.Hilarious. I’ve created this piece

22
​Jeriko, Orion. "Cinema of Transgression Manifesto." Editorial. ​The Underground Film Bulletin​, 1985.

32
as a way for myself to reach a higher state of existence and if possible, to bring even

just one audience member along with me. According to Zedd, to achieve this I must go

beyond the boundaries that have been set. Performance is thought to happen only

when an audience is present. I challenged the notion of performance by beginning the

piece four hours prior to the public opening of the exhibition. By choosing to begin the

piece in this way I challenged the demarcation of ‘proto-performance’ and ‘public

performance’.23 For me, there is no line. The entire process of creating has been

performance. I was also influenced by the ​Cinema of Transgression​ and their notion of

the ‘seemingly craftless’. On the surface my piece looks elementary in its existence. It’s

simply poor quality images glued to a wall and the artist peels them off. Anyone can do

that. Boiled down that’s exactly what the piece is; however, nothing in this piece is

arbitrary. I have given great thought to each minute element. The images on the wall

may look as though they’ve

been placed haphazardly,

but the order in which I

applied them was carefully

planned. Each series of

images was applied on a

diagonal. In dance

choreography the diagonal

is often used to symbolize a journey. It’s unclear as to where I began the diagonals

23
Proto-performance is the steps taken before the marked beginning of the public performance.

33
which aids in the mindfulness process of existing in the here and now. I am neither

moving forward nor backward. I am here right now.

The banality of this performance is directly influenced by the Fluxus movement.

As within the Fluxus movement, I also subscribe to the notion of ‘practical philosophy’ or

thinking by doing. I have used this performance piece as a way to generate knowledge.

This has become clearer as the performance progresses and I am becoming more

aware of what I am trying to say as well as where this piece lies in relation to my artistic

lineage. This piece is not choreographed and lives in the duration. It is more akin to a

philosophy of experience and just so happens to take the form of art because that’s who

I am.24 The objectives of Fluxus are more focused on social rather than aesthetics.

Remnants of Hysteria or Pretentious Fucking Trash ​has social objectives which have

been outlined above. However, this is where my piece differs from a majority of Fluxus

works. The aesthetic of the work is equally as important as the social interaction. This

piece is effective in bridging social gaps because visually the wall becomes familiar. It is

reminiscent of a city wall that has been overtaken with posters for concerts and events

that law enforcement has peeled

away and tried to silence.

Nouveau Realisme was

happening along side of Fluxus

and they shared similar goals

and members. As my piece has

24
Lushetich, Natasha. ​Fluxus the Practice of Non-duality​. Amsterdam: Editions Rodopi, 2014.

34
progressed I have begun to align myself with Nouveau Realisme as well as Fluxus. The

most obvious connection for me is that the Nouveau Realists used destruction as a way

of creating. I am tearing and peeling away at the images and with each action I am

creating something new. I am creating something visually new as well as creating a new

moment. The entire piece is centered around destruction in order to rebuild. The

destruction is the piece. I also dismiss the notion that artists are solitary individuals that

are alone in their studio creating precious

objects for privileged people, galleries, and

museums. Unlike the Nouveau Realists, I

am not occupying a public space or

inviting the public to physically participate

in my work. I have created a space that

allows for audience interaction. This is my

way of breaking down the barrier between

artist and audience. When engaging with

the audience I make it a point to not use

perceived pretentious art speak. I am

mindful to use words and phrases that are

familiar to people outside of the high academic art echochamber.

The most direct and obvious influence is Marina Abramovic and her method,

Cleaning the House.​ 25 This method created by Abramovic borrows theory and practice

25
The term ​Cleaning the House i​ s symbolic of an inner cleansing and self-organization.

35
from mindful meditation. For example, one exercise in this method is slow walking. Slow

walking is a way of walking that separated each part of the step giving focus to every

movement. Each step should take approximately 10 seconds to complete. This begins

with the lifting of the foot and ends with the shifting of weight to begin the step on the

subsequent side. Abramovic is the most well-known long-duration artist and violence is

​ ethod as a way to
often an element in her work.26 I used her ​Cleaning the House m

prepare for the duration aspect of this piece. This method is a way to practice

mindfulness through banal and mundane daily activities such as walking, drinking, and

looking. She continually pushes the limits of her body. ​Remnants of Hysteria or

Pretentious Fucking Trash ​is most closely related to her piece, ​The Lovers ​(1988)

where she and her then partner, Ulay, walked The Great Wall of China. There weren’t

any spectacular movements or objects. Her body and duration were the mediums and

her life the subject. My work is comparable in method in that I must condition both my

physical and mental bodily elements in order for the work to push my known

boundaries. I use her method along side my dance and yoga training to achieve this

goal. As I have expounded on in the Materials & Processes section of this paper, I, too,

use my body and duration as medium and my life as the subject.

26
I am using the term violence to describe any event or experience that can or does result in bodily harm.

36
37
 Exhibition Installation

My piece was installed on a diagonal slightly off center in room A of Beeler

Gallery. I originally intended for the piece to be installed on a permanent wall in the

gallery, but during the collaborative curation of the exhibit we decided that the piece was

better suited to be treated as a sculpture and to place it on the floor rather than on a

wall.27 This installation choice gave the audience access to all four sides of the wall.

Although this wasn’t my choice alone, I believe it made the work stronger and able to

exist in multiple dimensions.

27
The CCAD MFA 2019 candidates in conjunction with Ric Petry (Dean of Graduate Studies, MFA Chair),
Jo-ey Tang (Beeler Gallery Director of Exhibitions), and Ian Ruffino (Beeler Gallery Assistant Director of
Exhibitions) worked together to curate the exhibition, ​Replacing the Sun? ​(2019).

38
 When the decision was made for the piece to exist in the middle of the room I

knew that it had to be on a diagonal and bisect the room into triangles. As I mentioned

when I discussed my methods, the images are placed in a repetitive order on the

diagonal which then bisects the rectangular surface of the wall into triangles. The space

that my piece created within a space needed to reference to curation of the placement

of the images. This is not easily readable from the audience’s perspective, but to create

the sacred space that I needed to do the long-durational performance it had to be this

way. I felt that during this process I was extremely negotiable, allowing my cohort as a

group to change my piece, this was not something that I was willing to negotiate. I was

steadfast in my decision.

39
 In addition to bisecting the space and creating two triangles I have left the

newsprint detritus to accumulate in the space. I’m allowing it to land wherever it

naturally does and to float throughout the gallery.28 I am also allowing the cups of coffee

to accumulate. Both of these accumulations reference the usage of time as a material in

this piece.

28
I’m allowing it to float around within reason. If it begins to interfere with someone else’s work or they
simply don’t want it near their piece I will gladly move it.

40
 The physical installation of the object was fairly easy and minimal. CCAD

Facilities transported the wall from Design Studios on Broad to Beeler Gallery.29 Once

the object was in the gallery I still needed to apply more images to the wall. I

purposefully didn’t complete it before transportation in the event that it was damaged

along the way. According to my calculations I needed to add about 5 layers of images to

reach the amount that I estimated I would need to finish the 83 hours without running

out of images. I didn’t stop once I reached the 60 layers I had planned for. I continued to

add images throughout the installation process because I had the time and the images

were already printed.

29
This is a very short distance. The buildings are across the street from one another.

41
42
 The installation process was incredibly stressful and emotionally draining. There

was talk about the placement of my wall in relation to the site lines for the other works in

the room. I was unwilling to budge on the diagonal placement and so that created

unneeded anxiety and

tension within myself. I

was the only one that

was stressing about

the placement of my

object. It wasn’t a

concern of anyone

else that I shared the

space with. I believe

that the impending stress of the performance led to my making a much bigger deal of

the situation than it was. I became astoundingly emotional as I placed the images. I

cried multiple times and there were a few moments that I considered checking myself

into the psych ward. What a fitting way to experience the installation of a piece that is

symbolic of my recovery journey.

Reflection

The biggest lesson I will take away from my graduate studies at CCAD is

to trust myself and my practice. I have succeeded in everything that I set out to

accomplish. I have learned that my practice is the most important thing in my life. It is

the only constant. Throughout my life, my creative practice has sustained me. It has

43
gotten me through the darkest of hours. I’ve wanted to be an artist since I was 5 years

old. I have married my practice. At beginning of the creation of my thesis I felt pressured

to create a lasting archival artifact. That is not what this piece needed. This piece

needed to disappear when its time is finished. I had to follow my heart and decide and

defend this choice.

I came to this program as a choreographer and I am leaving as an artist. My

practice has expanded from dance and performance art to include photography, video,

experimental drawing, sculpture, and installation. Although my mediums and media

have expanded my subject matter has stayed consistent and true to who I am as a

maker and as a human. The way that I look at and depict the subject matter has

matured and grown organically. I have learned a great deal regarding art theory and I

am able to apply these theories to my creative practice. I have been referred to as an

art theorist and that makes my heart warm. I’ve shedded my skin of self-doubt and my

self-confidence is probably just slightly under the average now.

I think my greatest success is the ability to confidently and actively participate in

critique. I have the knowledge, the words, and the kindness to give to my fellow artists. I

have gained the skills to kindly give critical feedback and constructive criticism. I have

peeled off my cloak of pretension that I hid behind for a very long time. I speak up about

what I see without judgment. Because of this growth I am also able to weed out the

feedback that I receive without judgment of myself or of others. In connection with my

making I have been successful at exploring multiple avenues and mediums to express

my artistic voice. With ​somewhat​ confidence I submit my work to various venues,

44
galleries, and festivals. I now have a large body of work that crosses multiple disciplines

and with that I can choose and curate my submission based upon how I read the jurors,

gallerists, or adjudicators.

In the near-distant future I would like to build a community of like-minded artists

that support one another. I want to continue with studying theory and well as critiquing.

This community that I’d like to build would present art at underground places and dive

bars. I want to bring art to the people. I want to make art for an audience that wants my

art. That’s not to say that I won’t let someone pay an exorbitant amount of money for

one of my creations. A girl’s gotta eat.

I also plan on teaching or being involved in higher education in some capacity.

My undergraduate experience was difficult and I was mentally unstable. I had a

professor who changed my life and made me believe that I was worth something. I’ve

had a similar experience in graduate school pertaining to my substance abuse recovery.

I have been so lucky to receive support and guidance from great professors who are

also very kind and loving humans. I want to help someone like me. I have lived quite a

life and have experiences that range from amazing to horrific. Because of my time at

CCAD I now have the compassion and space to offer my experiences to others.

45
 List of images

Pg 10 Pg 19
Left: Jacs Fishburne, ​I Ended Up With Scars, Progress Documentation Photograph, 2019
Digital Photograph for documentation, 2017 Approx: Hours 10-18
Right: Joey Bee, ​Bubblegum: A Love Story #1,​
Digitally Altered Photograph, 2018 Pg 20
Progress Documentation Photograph, 2019
Pg 11 Left: Hour 6
Left: Joey Bee, ​To My Former Self with Love,​ Right: Hour 8
human hair, glitter, charcoal, cigarette ash on
acetate, 2018 Pg 21
Right: Joey Bee, ​Hello, Old Friend,​ VHS Video Duration Supplies Documentation Phootograph,
Still, 2018 2019

Pg 12 Pg 22
Digital Rehearsal Still, 2014 Alissa Ohashi, Progress Documentation
Photograph
Pg 13 Unknown Hour, 2019
Joey Bee, ​In the Bathroom with Arvo Part,​
human hair, glitter, cigarette ash, razor blades Pg 24
on found rug, 2018 Left: Progress Documentation Photograph, 2019
Right: Progress Documentation Photograph,
Pg 14 2018
Diptych: Joey Bee, ​Yeah It Happened, ​Digital
Photograph, 2018 Pg 25
Left: Photoshop Collage. 2019
Pg 15 RIght: Progress Documentation Photograph,
Joey Bee ​It Happened Twice​, Digital 2019
Photograph, 2018
Pg 27
Pg 16 Alissa Ohashi, 2nd Critique Doumentation
Left: Documentation Photograph, 2019, Approx Photograph, 2019
20 hours
Right: Alissa Ohashi, Foot documentation Pg 28
Installation and Proto-performance Photograph Clockwise from Top Left
Documentation, 2019 Instagram Documentation, 2019
Approx. Hour 32, Docementation Photograph,
Pg 17 2019
Progress documentation photograph, 2019 Approx. Hour 32, Docementation Photograph,
2019
Pg 18
Progress Documentation Photograph, 2019
Approx: Hours 10-18

46
Pg 31
Right:Joey Bee, ​She’s the Tits​, Digitally Altered Pg 38
Photograph, 2018 Ty Wright, Exhibition Installation Documentation
Left: Joey Bee, ​Little & Happy, ​Digital Photograph, 2019
Photograph, 2019
Pg 39
Pg 32 Ty Wright, Exhibition Installation Documentation
Right: Ty Wright, Exhibition Installation Photograph, 2019
Documentation Photograph, 2019
Left: Ty Wright, Exhibition Installation Pg 40
Documentation Photograph, 2019 Progress Documentation Photograph, Hour
unknown, 2019
Pg 33
Ty Wright, Exhibition Installation Documentation Pg 41
Photograph, 2019 Progress Documentation, Installation, 2019

Pg 34 Pg 42
Raymond Hains, ​Tole,​ Torn paper on metal Top: Progress Documentation, Installation, 2019
sheet, 1976 Bottom: Progress Documentation, Installation,
2019
Pg 35
Joey Bee, Documentation Photograph, 2018 Pg 43
Alissa Ohashi, Installation Documentation, 2019
Pg 37
Top: Ty Wright, Exhibition Installation Pg 44
Documentation Photograph, 2019 Joey Bee, ​I Need a Moment​, VHS Video Still,
Bottom: Ty Wright, Exhibition Installation 2019
Documentation Photograph, 2019

47
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