Nature or Nurture?

Researchers at the University of British Columbia

discovered that nonverbal behavior once assumed to
be acquired through environment is in fact innate.
86% more
risk taking
Hormone Changes
• Cortisol • Testosterone
• The stress hormone • The power hormone
• Decreases the immune • Improves endurance
system
• Sharpens cognitive
• Increases blood abilities
pressure
• Increases muscle mass
• Bad for long term
memory
Seating

Across the Table Seating

• Less recall of what was said
• Reject more proposals
• Shorter sentences
Solution:
Solution:
The Power of Hands
Show Your Hands

• Above the Desk

• Avoid Pockets
• Avoid Underarm
Crossing
• Avoid Sitting on Hands
• Avoid Tucking Hands
 Interesting Fact:
• Jurors find defendants who put their hands under
the table more sneaky or mistrustful.
 Master the Handshake
• Strength
• Direction
• Motion
• Speed
• Timing / Pumps
• Dryness
• Doubling Up
High Confidence

• Expansive
• Claiming Territory
• Trunk and Vitals
Exposed
• Head Up, Chest Up
• Shoulders Back
Interesting Fact:

• Female law enforcement officers are often taught to

splay their legs and widen their stance to look more
in control.
Low Confidence

• Contracted
• As little space as
possible
• Vitals Protected
• Head Down or Bowed
• Shoulders In
Recommended Power Poses
Elbow Touch

Touch increases trust and closeness

because it releases oxytocin.
Elbow Touch

• When touched on the

elbow 68% gave it
back.
• When not touched only
23% gave it back.
Use Your Client’s Learning
Style
• 35% visual—I see what
you mean
• 25% audio—I hear you
• 40% feelings—cant
quite grasp it, lets kick
the idea around
 REVIEW:

Beginner
• Keep Your Hands Visible
Intermediate
• Optimize Seating
• Master the Handshake
Advanced
• Prep Your Confidence
• Elbow Touch
 Self-Soothing Gestures
• Wringing Hands
• Suprasternal Notch
• Cracking knuckles
• Rubbing Arms
• Biting Tongue or Lips
• Rubbing Tongue
Along Teeth
Positive Cues

• Chin stroking
• Toes pointed towards
the sky
• Licking lips
• Nodding
• Rubbing hands
together
Pre - Power Poses
 Modified Power Poses

• Loose Arms
• Face Up
• Non-Contracted Legs
• Expansive Arms
...

• Upper Body Movement

• Chest Up
• Shoulders Down
• Hands Visible
The Power of Voice Tone
Paralinguistics
Above Traps

• Chair Height
• Sitting vs Standing
• Product Experiences
• Stages
Blocking

Prepare Materials / Props to Disengage Blocking:

Business Cards
Pamphlets
Coffee
Product Demo
 Sales Do’s
• Unclenched Fists
• Head Tilt
• Encourage Pro-Connection
Feelings:
• Empathy, interest,
openmindedness, fondness,
admiration…
Sales Don’ts

• Discourage Anti-Connection
Feelings:
• Sarcasm, Criticism,
Defensiveness,
Disrespect, Superiority,
Withdrawal,
• Smile Nervously
 Sales Don’ts

• Ankle Lock
• Reduce nervous
gestures:
• Jiggling, fidgeting,
drumming, tapping...
• Arm Cross
 Notes for Women

• Glasses / Make-Up
• Submissive Wrists
• Smiling
• Bobblehead
Sales in Different Environments

• Eat and Sale?

• Virtual Selling
• Cold Calling
Sending Videos

• Introductions
• Project Updates
• Client Meetings
• VIPs
 REMEMBER:
• Read your client’s
microexpressions
• Prep your confidence
• Baby steps, it gets
beforehand
better with practice
• Use the power of
• Show your hands
touch wisely
• Use your client’s
learning styles
 REVIEW:

Beginner
• Spotting Nerves
• Spotting Excitement
• Blocking
Intermediate
• Humble Confidence
• Power of Voice Tone
• Eating and Selling
Advanced
• Avoid Above Traps
• The Bow
• Video Proposals
• Do and Don’t Nonverbal
Customer Validation
Why Customer Validation?
• Get testimonials
• Improve your product
• Build rapport
• Get lifelong customers
• Learn more about your customers
• Practice body language
 How Can Body Language
Help?
• Make them feel
comfortable to open up
• Help them trust you
with their opinions
• Feel rapport to tell you
the truth
• Encourage honesty
and depth of emotion
Mirroring
Mirroring

• Mirroring Body Language

• Matching Cadence
• Similar word usage
• Facial Expressions*
*For Men

• Modify Territorial Displays

*For Women

• Tucked / Locked vs. Crossed

Facial Feedback Hypothesis
That facial movement can influence emotional
experience.
Triple Nods

• Research shows that people will talk 3 to

4 times more than usual if the listener
nods their head.
• Faster = impatient
• Slow = engaged
Say My Name...and My
Friend’s Name
• Know names ahead of time
• Memorize names on the spot
• Do research and find common friends
• *The Kellogg School did a study that found
we trust people who mention names of
people we know. The more people we know
in common, the more we want to trust them.
Don’t Use A
Pretty Woman!
Don’t Use
A Group!
Your Product and Touch

• When we hold
something we feel
ownership over it.
(Warm Drink)
• Research out of the University of Toronto found that
when you give a person a warm drink, the warm
sensation of the drink in their hands (and their body)
can subconsciously make them feel like you're an
emotionally warm, likable and welcoming person.
• Giving them a cold drink can have the opposite effect!
In general, people who are feeling socially isolated feel
physically cold and crave warm food or drinks.
 REMEMBER:
• Sales do’s
• Sales don’ts
• Show your hands • Try to calm
nervousness if you
• Watch out for above
see it
traps
• Prep your confidence
beforehand
 REVIEW:
Beginner
• Nods
• Pursed Lips
Advanced
• Using Names
• Mirroring Posture
Intermediate
• Matching Cadence
• Facial Feedback
Hypothesis • Copying Words
• Avoid Pretty Women /
Groups
• Touch
First Impressions
• Frank, Bernieri, University of Toledo

20 Minutes = 20 Seconds
First Impressions

• Bertram Gawronski:
• Accurate
• Immediate
• Lasting
 Do:
• Expressiveness:
• Hands
• Voice Tone
• Body Movement
• Authentic Smile
• Face*
 Don’t:
• Hop / Jump
• Fidget
• Self-Sooth
• Angle Away (90 Degrees Optimal)
• Go Beyond the Box
The Box
Un-Approachable Body
Language
• Avoid Low Confidence Body
Language:
• Turtling
• Hunched over phones
• Crossed arms
• Hands in pockets
Un-Approachable Body
Language
• Avoid Disinterest Body Language:
• Turning a away
• Feet towards exit
• Nod and smile less
• Less mirroring
 Un-Approachable Body
Language
• Avoid Boredom Body Language:
• Eyes Glazed Over
• Slumping
• Wandering eyes
• Examining the time
Un-Approachable Body
Language
• Avoid Impatient Body Language
• Foot tapping
• Overhead Gazing
• Drumming fingers
• Running on the spot
• Quick Nods
(Nonverbal Exit Clues)
The Power of the Purse

• One Item
• Purse as an Emotional
Indicator
• Blocking
• Protection
• Self-Soothing
Approaching Others
• With women, always
come from the side or
the front (never the back!)
• Use slow movement
• Look for open body
language
Approaching Others
• Never approach near
the bathroom, exit or
right after people get
their food
• **Golden Area: Stand
where people go
right after they got
their drink
Interaction Tips...
• Story Toolbox
*Nonverbally Strong
• Darting Eyes
• Overhead Gazing
• “Hmms” and “Ahhs”
• Feet Pointing
Gazing
Power Gazing Social Gazing Intimate Gazing
Interaction Tips...
• Proxemics
• Intimate - 0-18”
• Personal - 18” - 4’
• Social - 4-12’
• Public - 12’ plus
Conversation Tips
• “Man, these networking events can be so crazy. Mind if
I join you over here where it’s a little quieter?”
• “Hmm, I’m not quite sure what that dish is… do you
know?”
• If they’re wearing a nametag ask about their name.
• Ask their specific opinion: “As an architect / As a
woman / As a midwesterner how do you feel about...”
• “Hi, I’m ____”
 REMEMBER:
• Prep Confidence
• Set an Intention
• Read
Microexpressions
• Strong Handshakes
• Mirroring
• No Bobblehead
 REVIEW:
Beginner
• Approachable Body
Language
Advanced
• Feet Pointing
• Engaged Face
• Conversation Starters
• Eyebrow Flash
Intermediate
• Proxemics
• Expressiveness
• How to Approach
• Gazing
Common Mistakes

• Deer in the headlights

• Only using words (7% of our
communication ability)
Common Mistakes

• Deer in the headlights

• Wide-Eyed
• Fear Microexpression
• Frozen Upper Body
• Stiff
 Common Mistakes

• Hands Down:
 Common Mistakes

• Pacifying Behaviors:
• Rubbing neck, biting lips,
fiddle with watch, playing
with hair...
Common Mistakes

• Only using words

• 7% of our communication
ability
• Lack of expressiveness
 REMEMBER:

• Prep Confidence
• Use microexpressions
• Point Your Feet
• Nod
• Expressiveness
 REVIEW:

Beginner
• Deer in the headlights
Intermediate
• Lack of expressiveness
Advanced
• Only using words
• No pacifying behaviors
Online Presence
• Website • Slide Decks
• Social Media Profiles • Mailings
• Email Signatures • Fliers
• Videos • Avatars
• Business Cards
• Brochures
• PDF’s
• Press Releases
Eyes As Cues
Engage People
Eyes As Cues
• Show People Where to Look:
Gesturing and Pointing
• Positive Emotions: • Negative Emotions:
Babies!
Dilated Pupils
*Women hate when men wear brown suits
A/B Test Colors:
 Money!
• Remove the $ sign
• Prime a price
• Priming Words
• “You can trust us to do
the job for you” Increased
all ratings and buys
Trust Action Not Focus Groups

A B C
Position for Readiness
Don’t Forget Your Small
Branding Opportunities
Use Unique Branding
Opportunities
 Videos

OK

Better

Best
 REVIEW:
Beginner
• Eyes as Cues
• Gesturing or Pointing Advanced
• Money Signs • Pupils
Intermediate • Positioning
• Positive Emotions • Creative Branding
• Babies • Videos
• Color Psychology
• Action Not Groups
Which Mode of
Communication?
In which mode of communication do people lie the most?

• 37% of phone calls

• 27% face to face
• 21% IM chats
• 14% emails
*Follow up all calls and meetings with an email
confirming
Interesting Fact:
• Researchers found that combining
deception detecting techniques with
background checks reveals:
– 32% more cases of past job dismissals
–60% more criminal convictions
–82% more cases of alcohol abuse during
work hours.
Step One: Baselining

A baseline is how someone acts when they are

under normal, non-threatening conditions. It is
how someone looks when they are telling the
truth.
Baselining Questions:
• How’s the weather?
• What was your weekend like?
• What’s for lunch?
• Can you believe that game/traffic/event this
weekend?
Self Baselining Questions:
-How do they hold their body?
-What is their posture like?
-Do they fidget?
-What are their hand gestures?
-Are their legs crossed? How are they sitting?
-Do they blink a lot or have a nervous tick?
-What are their facial expressions?
Step Two: Look For Red Flags

• Open-Ended Questions
• Baseline Change: Did their body change?
• Baseline Change: Did their voice change?
• Do you see any of the most common lying red flags...
Common Lying Red Flags
• Change in baseline
• Pursed lips
• Incongruence between
words and body • Disbelief lips / eyebrows
language • “Swear to God” “To Tell
• Nodding You The Truth”...
• Out of sync emotions • Volume Loss
and words • Touching the nose
• Self-soothing gestures
Interesting Fact:

• Alan Hirsch and Charles Wolf observed Bill Clinton’s

testimony during the Monica Lewinsky trial and found
that when he told the truth he rarely touched his
nose.
• When he lied he gave a split second frown before he
answered and then touched his nose. 26 nose
touches in all.
Step Three: Find Clusters

A cluster is a series of verbal messages that are

inconsistent with physical behavior.

*A cluster is not necessarily a sign of lying, instead

they are indicators of concealed thoughts or feelings
and a cue to dig deeper.
Let’s Review: Deception Detection
Second
Red Flag #1 Meeting

Baseline Red Flag #2

Circle Back
Red Flag #3
Background
Check
Cluster
Advanced Lie Detection
Two Truths and a Lie Game:
-When you got your first drivers license
-When you found out there was no santa
-Your first kiss
-Your first heartache
-Best day of your life
-Nicest thing someone’s ever done for you
-Most embarrassing moment
The Most Common Ways People Lie on
Resumes: *Forbes.com
1. Lying about degrees they’ve earned
2. Falsifying dates of employment
3. Exaggerating numbers and metrics
4. Increasing previous salary
5. Inflating titles
6. Lying about technical abilities
7. Claiming language fluency
8. Providing a fake address
9. Padding grade point averages
Alltop:
 Before the Interview
• Glass Table
• Swivel Chair
• Angles
• Anti-Blocking
• Company Info
• Your Card
• Drink
During the Interview
• Use the Power of Silence
• Don’t Mirror
• Nod
• Tilt
• Leg Cleanse
• Watch for their Doubt:
• Head turned away
• Looking down to one side
During the Interview
• Watch for Self-Soothing:
• Self-touch
• Hands wrapped in shirt or scarf
• Picking “dirt” from under nails
• Squeezing or pinching skin on arms
• Picking cuticles
• Playing with hair or jewelry
During the Interview
• Watch for Lies:
• Hesitation
• Question inflection
• “Um” or stalling before answering
• Frozen upper body / face
• One-sided shoulder shrug
• Repeating the question
 REVIEW:
Beginner
• Glass Table
• Angle Chairs
• Swivel Chairs Advanced
Intermediate • Watch for Self-Soothing
• Silence • Watch for Lies
• No Mirroring
• Head Tilt
• Nods
Haptics: Power of Touch

• Double Handshake
• Elbow Touch
• Upper Arm Touch
• Shoulder Touch
• Hug
Patting

*Use with caution

To Build Connection...

• Move to their side of the table

To Build Connection...

• Do Lunch
To Build Connection...

• Take off your jacket, loosen your tie, let your hair
down
To Build Connection...

• Purposefully remove barriers

Shake It Up Nonverbally

• New locations for

meetings
• Offsites for creative
brainstorming
• Stand for meetings
WATCH OUT!

• Contempt

*University of Washington Psychologist

John Gottman
 WATCH OUT!

• Chin Jut / Looking Down

One’s Nose
 WATCH OUT!

• Lint Pick
 WATCH OUT!

• Eye Rolling
 WATCH OUT!

• Looking Over Glasses

• No sunglasses in real
estate!
 Encouraging Honesty:

• On Documents:
• Sign on Top
AND Bottom
• Remind people of
company ethics with
classes, seminars
and a code of ethics.
 REMEMBER:
• Sales do’s and don’ts
• Read for
Microexpressions
• Wear the colors you
• Watch out for above
want to represent
traps
• Mirror
• Rapport Building Tips
 REVIEW:
Beginner
• Move to their side of the
table
Advanced
• Do lunch
• Haptics
• Get casual
• Patting
Intermediate
• Encourage Honesty
• Remove barriers
• New meetings
Alpha’s

The alpha is the individual in the community with

the highest rank.
 Alpha Behavior
• Claim territory
• Walk and assume
others will move
• Smile less
• Keep head
perfectly still while
speaking and
listening
• Speak briefly and
everyone listens
Alpha Behavior
• Hold eye contact slightly
longer while addressing
others. The “Stare Down.”
• Look away when they are
being addressed
• Don’t monitor other’s
responses
• Don’t react to other’s
answers
• Interrupt
Alpha Behavior

• They don’t jiggle or pace.

• They stride across rooms*
• Shorter alphas deliver with
vocal power, remind
people more often of their
credentials and stand
while others sit.
Beta’s

• Beta’s often act as second-in-command to the reigning

alpha.
 Omega’s

• Omega is an antonym used to refer to the lowest caste

of the hierarchical society. Omegas are subordinate to all
others in the community, and are expected by others in
the group to remain submissive to everyone. Omega’s
may also be used as communal scapegoats or outlets
for frustration, or given the lowest priority when
distributing food.
Non-Alpha Behavior
• Smile more
• Always watch for Alpha
or other responses
• Willing to be interrupted
• Overly expressive
• Nods a lot
• Appeasement Body
Language
Non Alpha Behavior

• Leg hopping
• Foot jiggling
• Self-soothing gestures
• Low / protective
posture
• More wordy
Pitching Mistakes

• Pointing
• Voice Curling Up
• Hands on Hips
(Universal Battle
Stance)
• Missed Investor Cues
Pitching Mistakes

• Stop Motion
• Self-Contempt
• Blocking Behavior
• Self-Soothing with Bibs
• School-Marming
Pitching Mistakes
• Ventilating
• Loss of Volume
• Interrupting*
• Looking away during
convincing
• Impatience /
Exasperation Breath
• Praying / Begging
Gesture
Pitching Tips:

• Showing Hands
• Telling A Story to
Invoke Positive
Emotions / Sensory
Story
• Demoing Ideas with
Hands
• Expressive
Pitching Tips:

• Vocal Tone
Differentiation
• Immediate Product
Touch
• No Impatience
• Nodding to Affirm
Pitching Tips:
• Gratitude
• Showed Deference to
Alphas (stopped
talking, smiled at them
more)
• Positive Face in the
Logo
• Better Colors
Other Tips

• Success Log
Other Tips

• Steeple During QA
Other Tips

• Nonverbal Hockey Stick Chart

Other Tips

• To Calm Nerves: Yoga and Massages

Other Tips
http://brokershandsontheirfacesblog.tumblr.com/

• Watch for eye-blocking, squinting, suspicion

Other Tips

• Nonprofits: Home-like setting

Other Tips

• Study: Timeliness Is Key

Other Tips

No Scent Floral Scent

• Smell:
• 80% of men and 90% of women have
vivid emotion triggering memories
evoked by odor.
No Scent Floral Scent

84%
 Clothes and Ornaments

• Up to 80% of job applicants are

rejected based on how they are
dressed.
• Inappropriate attire is one of the
top ten complaints of hiring
managers!
 REVIEW:
Beginner
• Hand motions
• Expressiveness
Intermediate Advanced
• No School Marm • Watch for Lies
• Show Partnership • Steeple
• Use Storytelling
• Use Smell
• Timeliness
Public Speaking Don’ts

• Voice Tone Command

• Authoritative Voice
Tone
• Changing Pace
• Changing Tone
• Belly Breathing
Public Speaking Don’ts
• Um’s, So’s, You Know’s
• Self-Soothing (hair
touching)
• Shifty Feet
• One Leg Back /
Runners Stance
• Leaning Back
Public Speaking Don’ts

• Glued to Notes
• No eye contact
• Head bent
• Bowing
Do’s: Podium Use

• Show Hands
• Don’t Shift Feet
• Anti-Blocking
• Lean In and Over
Public Speaking Do’s
• Expressive
• Ask Self-Reflective
Questions
• Stories
• Vocal Variation
• Flattery
 Other Tips

• Never say you are nervous

• Don’t check your phone
while you wait
• Read a newspaper?
 Other Tips
• Pump Yourself Up with a
Success Routine
• Success Log*
• Exercise
• Funny YouTube Videos
• Write Goals
• Gratitude Journal
• Music Playlist (sing)
Other Tips

• George A. Miller: The Mind Can Hold 7 Things

• Wharton School of Business:
• 10% retention of audio
• Increasing visuals helps retention by 50%
• Adding visuals to meetings cuts average business
meetings from 25.7 minutes to 18.6 minutes!
Other Tips
• Help your audience stay in
open body language:
• Ask questions for a
show of hands
• Stand up for an activity
• Talk to your neighbor
• *This also works for
meetings
 REVIEW:
Beginner
• Expressiveness
Advanced
• Gazing • Vocal Variation
Intermediate • Hand Demos
• Podium Use • Use visual nonverbal and
• Ums and Ahhs aids
• Shifty Feet • Help your audience stay
open
• Self-Soothing
Negotiation Tips

• Face to Face or Video!

• Do Body Language
Homework
• Avoid Meals
• Seating for Comfort
 Negotiation Tips

• Start with strong

rapport
• Mirror voice patterns
• Match body
language
 Watch Their Nonverbal
• Open hands or closed hands?
• Eye blocking
• Tongue Catch
• Deception:
• Final Offer
• Common Interests
• Intentions
Your Nonverbal

• Use hands to demo

importance
• Agreement through
body language
• Take up space
• (Fist)
With Caution: Negotiation
Tips
A
• Standing B B
• Sit competitors in lower
chairs
C C
• Light touch on the
shoulder
D D
• Sit in the power seat

A
Audience

Speaker
 REVIEW:
Beginner
• Avoid Meals
• Take Up Space
Intermediate Advanced
• Tongue Catch • Deception Detection
• Eye Blocking • Mirror Voice Tone
• Demo with Hands
Fight “Lensing”

7 out of 15
people noticed.

*Daniel Levin and Daniel Simons, Cornell University

Practice
• Film Yourself
• Say Yes to Events
• Have Conversations
For the Sake of
Learning
• Challenge Your Brain
• Have Faith in People
Body Language in the Brain

*Temporal Lobes / Occipital / Frontal Lobes

Low Activity vs. High Activity
Dr. Daniel Amen

Long Term Potentiation:

“Use It or Lose It”
Healthy Brain Activity
Drug Affected Brain
Alzheimers Brain Activity
Good News: Our Brains Have
Muscles!
Duval Love
3 Months Later...
Cold Calling Tips
• Confidence Comes
Through
• Voice Tone Warmth and
Patience
• Voice tone accurately
predicts amount of
malpractice lawsuits
• Don’t Drop on the Ask
• Send Videos Often