Have as Few Regrets as Possible

Sometimes the truth hits us over the head and we literally realize we
are our choices. We own the good ones, the bad ones, the ones that
cause us a great deal of pain, as well as the ones that give us our
greatest
pleasures. If we always make wise, wonderful choices, we will be able
to
live with no regrets.
All of us identify with our mistakes, our failures of judgment, and the
choices that were wrong for us for whatever reasons. When we are
honest
with ourselves, we’re able to admit our mistakes, what we could have
done
that we didn’t do, or what we did do that was not wise or appropriate.
You marry the wrong person, you take shortcuts on the job, you stay
too
long in a teaching job when you really wanted to try your hand at
being
an artist. Or maybe you didn’t show up for a really important life event
for a child and you can’t make this wrong choice go away.
We suffer huge pain for some of the choices we’ve made that were
harmful to others or to us. When we find ourselves in these diffi cult
situations, we have to live with the consequences of our bad choices.
Free
will requires us to make choices and then live with them. We pay the
price
for whatever we do and don’t do. With freedom comes responsibility
and
accountability, but not being free to make our own choices is simply
not
an option.
One of the most difficult situations arises when we become involved

with others we later discover have problems—all kinds of problems.

How can we be true to ourselves, to our values and boundaries, when
other people in our life act badly? Rationally, we understand that we
can’t
get swept up in everyone else’s problems and, yet, realistically, we
are
involved. What if your single daughter becomes pregnant or your boss
goes to jail or your sister has an affair, your child marries a bad
person,
your husband is disloyal to you, or someone blackmails you? What if
your
mother is an alcoholic? How can we stay true to ourselves when chaos
reigns? How can we remain trustworthy when there are people in our
close circle who frankly are off their path? How can we keep our
dignity
intact? How can we choose to be empathetic, loving, and
compassionate
without being dragged down by the others’ situations? How can we be
helpful without harming our emotional balance? How can we choose
to
do the right thing when others we trusted let us down?
What about the times when we were in denial or didn’t listen to others
or to our own inner voice? I love the words of Nikos Kazantzakis,
whose
beloved character Zorba in Zorba the Greek urged him to pay
attention, to
hear: “If I had listened to his voice—not his voice, his cry—my life
would
have acquired value.” Kazantzakis is talking about his fi ctional
character
Zorba, who Kazantzakis most wanted to emulate. We all make many
mistakes. But we also can admit them and learn wisdom from them,
and
be guided in the future toward greater understanding and better
choices.
Example can be everything if we hear the cry and act, but most of us
don’t. We usually have to learn the hard, painful way.
We never fail when we admit our error, move on, grow through it,
and come out of it a better, happier person. I have a good friend who
is a “successful” lawyer. She makes a lot of money but is working with
a bunch of aggressive men who don’t respect women, who are fi
ercely
driven, and who try to drive her crazy. They have no boundaries. She
has
to choose to change professions, or at least law firms, if she is going
to fi nd
happiness.
What are some of your deep regrets? Do you wish you had taken that
last family trip together when everyone was still healthy, now that
your
parents are both dead? Do you regret that you didn’t go back and fi
nish
graduate school after your child went to college? Do you regret
choosing
the wrong life partner, feeling stuck in a dreadful marriage, and being
too
numb to leave? Do you regret taking on a business partner who
turned
out to be dishonest? Are you sorry for angry outbursts when you said
things you deeply regret? Have you ever been mean or rude? Have
you
ever been put in a compromising situation when you lowered your
own
standard of excellence because others weren’t doing their share,
when you
chose to coast because you thought, “Why bother?”
What are you making of yourself when those around you are lazy and
indifferent? What are you doing with your life? It’s never too late to
choose
to change yourself. Do not give up or run away from the opportunity
to
grow. That is the ultimate tragedy. There’s no place to go and hide in
life.
Your job, your duty, your responsibility, is to make the most you can of
you. If everyone chose to do this, the world would be a peaceful,
happy
paradise. Don’t regret that you were unable to shape up others; only
regret
when you don’t live up to your own vast potential for good.
Work on yourself every day. We can’t sprint at the end and catch up.
We need to strengthen our intellectual muscles now before our brain
loses
synapses. We need to build upon our virtuous habits of choice every
single
day in order to have fewer and fewer regrets.
Don’t be afraid to do what only you can do. Rather than having chest
pains trying to do work you no longer are capable of or enjoy, it may
be
better to cut your losses. You will feel great joy and satisfaction doing
something you know you love to do. What would you choose to do if
you knew you couldn’t fail? Do that very thing, because it is there
where
you’ll develop your potential. You and I are capable of so much more.
We
should encourage each other to do more to express who we are. We
can
cut through our difficulties by our belief in our self. The only way we
can
fail is not to try. Michelangelo wrote: “The greatest danger for most of

us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low
and
we reach it.”
Our consciousness is ours to raise as high as we’re able, as soon as
possible. We all have lots of work to do. All of our experiences give us
knowledge and inspiration to build on. Our glass, we will discover, is
more than half full. Fill it up. Let it brim over. Use all your powers while
you can. It is tragedy to die before we’re fully born. We can’t afford to
let
our creative spirit die inside while we’re still able to make life-
changing
choices. We’re only using a fraction of our capacity. All the rush and
frantic busy-ness is keeping us from the good choices that will allow
us to
live with as few regrets as possible.
One choice I persistently try to make is to be persevering. When
we stay the course, when we keep trying, we will have fewer regrets.
Perseverance leads to good habits that help us over the inevitable
rough
patches. Live with an appreciative awareness of the precious gift of
your
life. Don’t miss the mark by not making your own brave choices. This
is
your challenge. Don’t feel sorry for what might have been. You are
your
choices. Own your choices. Hear the cry and choose to follow what is
the
good life for you.