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Mileena Raglin

Profesor Loudermilk

ENG 1201 online

2 May 2019

How I learned about my disability

All I could hear was “Mileena, are you paying attention? Mileena did you understand the

question? Mileena did you see what I wrote on the blackboard?” I sat in a daze, confused and

very frustrated. My mind was wandering all over the place. I was thinking about lunch, because

I was hungry and about recess because I was meeting my friends La’deja and Elisa for a game of

tag. I just could not concentrate on what Mrs. Risner was talking about. I was getting frustrated

because I knew I heard her talking, but I did not completely comprehend everything she was

saying. I always felt like I was in the twilight zone for some reason and could never understand

why this was.

Mrs. Risner was short with blonde hair and wore glasses almost every day. She was

always so patient with me. I felt like I was the slow one in class like every time we would get

classwork or a test I would always be the last one to finish. I wasn’t disruptive or loud. I kept to

myself in class so that I could try my hardest to focus on the task at hand. But I knew something

about me was different because Mrs. Risner always spent additional time with me to help me

understand the assignments she handed out. My frustration would always show because I didn’t

know what was wrong with me, and I would just shut down. She would always assure me that

everything was going to get better and we would tackle my issues right away.
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I clearly recall the day she sent a letter home with me to my mother. I handed my mother

the white envelope and I was scared because I thought I had done something wrong and that I

was about to get into trouble for it. It was the first time an envelope from school was ever sent

home by a teacher. My mother opened the envelope and just sighed. It was a look of

disappointment that I had not seen before, I knew it was to scold me to my face immediately

after she read it. As my mother opened the envelope my heart was racing and I thought I was

going to be sick. My mother then asked me to sit at the table with her, as she proceeded to tell

me about the content of the letter. Mrs. Risner wanted me and my mother to meet with the

school Psychologist to discuss a possible learning disability called “ADD” or attention deficit

disorder.

I could see the faint look on my mom’s face with her hand covering her mouth and

droopy eyes that she had, but she assured me that it was not me that she was disappointed in but

Mrs. Risner. I asked my mom “why are you disappointed with Mrs. Risner” she said “I am

disappointed because it is not her place to make a diagnosis, but a physician’s. Don’t worry I will

take it up with Mrs. Risner and handle it”. This concerned me even more because my mom can

be very boisterous and overbearing. My mom set up a meeting with Mrs. Risner to discuss the

letter. My mom and I met with Mrs. Risner after school one afternoon and all I remember is my

mom becoming very upset and asking Mrs. Risner what gave her the authority to pre-diagnose

me. Mrs. Risner explained to my mom that she had been teaching for over twenty years and had

seen the signs with other children that had ADD as she had seen with me. My mother requested

a meeting with the school psychologist, and then we had to go to my pediatrician to do an

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assessment. After about two weeks of assessments from my mom, my pediatrician, the school

psychologist, and Mrs. Risner it was official, I was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder.

I was confused because I didn’t know what the diagnosis of attention deficit disorder

meant. My mom sat me down to explain to me that I have a hard time focusing and paying

attention, and that she felt it was not a disability but a gift of some sort. She felt I had the ability

to multi task but that I needed to try and focus on one thing at a time. Mrs. Risner explained to

me that she would help me achieve success in her classroom and not to worry, that we would get

through the trials and errors together. She always made me feel comfortable like she was just

one of my friends. She always took extra time with me and helped explain things to me in a way

that I would understand. She would allow for me to have extra time on assignments and tests.

She moved me to the front of her classroom so that I would have fewer distractions surrounding

me so that I could focus better; which was scary knowing everyone could stare at me. Mrs.

Risner would always make herself available to me if I had questions about an assignment and

was always so patient with me when I needed additional time to complete a task.

Mrs. Risner truly opened my eyes about my learning disability. She helped me gain

patience when it came to my school work. I was so used to getting frustrated when it came time

to finish an assignment or test and she would keep me calm so that I could complete my work.

She explained to me that it would be a learning process and that I had to figure out what worked

best for me as far as my learning style. She did her best to accommodate my needs in the

classroom. The help that she gave me and her patience with me that third grade year has allowed

me to identify my learning style and excel in the classroom to this day.

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To me ADD seemed cool and that I was better than the other kids in class. I would tell

everyone I had it because i was in third grade and no one of us thought it was bad to have. The

year I noticed having ADD was really a struggle to have was in the fifth grade; because in math

class we were learning long division and everyday my teacher would try to teach and explain

how to do it, but I would zone out and think about recess or my boyfriend. Fifth grade was

upsetting for me because it was the first year I had ever received an F on my report card. Middle

school was hard too and that was the first year I broke down and cried because I was so stressed

and lost in school. To this day it is still very upsetting to me because I feel like I can’t understand

or work as fast as some students at school, like everything in school was a test on how I could

work through it. It had gotten a lot easier this year from the help of my mother i have overcome

this and become a better and much stronger student.