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1 Mind
Table
of
Contents
Amidst increasingly difficult and competitive environ- Take a picture of yourself that you really like, or draw
yourself in a mighty pose, maybe even strike that pose
ments, whether it be high school, college, or the profes-
sional world, taking mental health days has become more yourself. Try walking confidently a few times across the
common, even encouraged, within society. Mental illnesses room. Play a song that makes you feel empowered and sing
like depression, anxiety and countless others are starting along, serenading yourself. You might cringe at yourself the
to become less taboo and more widely recognized and first time, but no one else is watching; it’s just you. Dance,
acknowledged. Nevertheless, they are illnesses need to if you feel like it. Meditate for a few minutes. A simple way
be nurtured and focused on with more time than a few to do it is pick a mantra, just one simple word that makes
days off to focus on yourself. If you are suffering severe- you feel good about yourself, and repeat the word over and
ly, there are abundant resources that will help you along over again in your mind while you breathe slowly and close
towards healing. These mental health days should solely your eyes. Starting off your day with positive thoughts will
be an accompaniment, whether it be to a stressed mind, an increase your motivation throughout the day.
overworked body, or a path to recovery. However, the root In between these spaces of self affirmation, it’s important
philosophy of them should seep into every day of your life, to be doing things with your day that are nurturing to your
and that is, put simply, to take care of yourself. body as well. This should include a good sleep the night
Mental health days can consist of a multitude of things, before and three healthy meals during the day. Take the
but the elements of self affirmation and self nurturing com- time to cook something you’ve been meaning to try, espe-
bine to create a good starting structure. First, start simple. cially if it is a healthy option, but, of course, comfort food
Tell yourself how proud you are of yourself. It may be hard is always good for the soul. Self nurturing could also mean
to just think or say aloud, so write it down. Make a list of going outside, either for a walk, a run, or just to sit. Natural
characteristics you admire in yourself. Write a diary entry sunlight can improve your mood and leaving the comfort
about the good things in your life. Think about the people of your residence can give you a sense of accomplishment.
or person in your life who love you completely. Exercise in a way that makes you feel best, and don’t feel
pressured to do what everyone else is. Try slow luxurious
3 Mind
yoga, an intense cardio session, a relaxing swim, a peace-
ful bike ride, or even just a few stretches. Do something
that you love, or that you haven’t done in a while. These
moments are also a good time to reflect on what particular
aspect of your life has spurred you to want to take a men-
tal health day. Is it because you’re stressed, overwhelmed,
burnt out, or unsatisfied? Pinpointing what exactly you’re
struggling with can shape what will be important to the type
of mental health day you have. That could mean removing
all social media, shutting down your computer, and doing
Being kind to
something that relaxes you. It could also mean connecting
with a loved one you haven’t talked with in a while. It may yourself is
mean getting an application finished or an assignment done
early that you had been worrying about. Whatever it is, any
task you set your intention for should be something that
always
makes you feel good, productive and refreshed.
Any choices you make for your personal day should be
beneficial, no
centered around what will be best for you at the time. As
you decipher what works, keep in mind that these days are matter what
not an easy fix. If you find yourself taking more and more
mental health days, the solution isn’t in more yoga or eating
more greens. These practices, however, are undeniably
form it is
integral to bettering the way you think about yourself and
how you treat your mind and body. They can be done in a
expressed in.
day, an hour, or a few minutes, as long as it’s a span of time
dedicated to focusing on you and your own growth. Being
kind to yourself is always beneficial, no matter what form it
is expressed in.
By Lisa Fotios
Mind 4
Photo Credit: BenStudioPRO on Adobe Stock
Mind
to
Mother
By Brianna Parker
My grandmother has recounted a story numerous moon. Everyone who got a glimpse of her big blonde hair,
or the soft whiff of Magie Noire perfume felt the warmth
times about my mom as a baby. She recalls peeking her
head from the kitchen to see my mom with a tear running of the sun lit in her heart.
down her cheek. “Casper the Friendly Ghost” was on tele- Before I was born, my mom saw a psychologist multi-
vision, and my little mother was immersed in an episode ple times a week. Actually, she initially reached out for
where the other ghosts are being cruel to Casper. My a psychologist to see my sister because of her wicked
nana typically ends the story with, “I thought, wow, this is toddler tantrums, but she was quickly advised that maybe
a very smart child.” Whenever I brought up this story to she should be the person lying on the sofa. I believe there
my mom, she would say, “I could still cry about it. They were certain aspects of my mom’s childhood that broke
were so mean to Casper!” This kind of sensitivity and her heart from the start - divorced parents, a vagabond
concern for others would be an innate part of my mom father and an innate responsibility to mother her own
for her entire life. She was unconditionally maternal to all. mother and anyone else who was lovingly a part of her
Brilliantly thoughtful. Glamorous in all areas of life. life. Some individuals deal with the repercussions of life’s
misfortunes and quickly turn the page, trudging forward
Wounds never seemed to leave her, or rather, and looking away as unavoidable wounds heal. As long
she never seemed to leave them. as people get divorced, as long as families function, as
long we have hearts and minds - these low sensations
Of course, there was always the ski-slope nose and the are bound to arise. Others, like my mother and myself,
big, dark eyes, and a penchant for staying up late and meditate on these wounds so deeply that they turn into
starting the day at 4 p.m. I never realized just how much inherent parts of our being. What was especially remark-
my mother was engrained in me until she passed away. able about her was that, despite the internalization of her
My mom was just the person anyone would aspire to be. life woes, she never projected them onto others. Instead,
She was also sensitive, perceptive and thoughtful - all she carried her inner hurt like a velvet handbag and served
great qualities - but to the bone. Wounds never seemed as an infinite source of support and empathy to those she
to leave her, or rather, she never seemed to leave them. loved.
Whether it was that sinking sensation of not feeling
enough, or the guilt of hurting others because of a family My childhood merrily continued for the most
secret, she kept a well wrapped package of sadness in her part, but within, I dealt with great
heart. Nevertheless, she was cheerful to all. She never self-created chaos.
let her own worries and woes get in the way of lending
her ear to others - not only her ear, but her entire heart After a few nightmares and other skittish behavior post
and her intrinsically empathetic being. Aside from select my experience with 9/11, I too went to see the same psy-
grouchy moments before coffee was poured—an inheri- chologist my mom went to over a decade before I existed.
tance of mine, too - she was living kindness. On her death I saw her for a little while in pre-school, stacking Legos to
bed, she groggily requested a sip of water or the adjust- resemble the towers and knocking them down. I suppose
ment of a pillow with the tone of Snow White speaking the nightmares subsided, and my memory of the tragic
to creatures of the forest. I was especially lucky to be her day began to fade. My childhood merrily continued for
daughter, but it did not matter if I was her daughter or a the most part, but within, I dealt with great self-created
neighbor she rode the elevator with every once in a blue chaos. The word anxiety can be a buzz word, but it also
Mind 8
serves as a title for this old “friend” set me, and how that was indicative that same support.
that I have grown to know so well. of my relationship to myself. I am a gravely nostalgic being. It
The feeling that pulsated through is easy and natural for me to start
my small body was as tight as a rope, I am a gravely talking about the past. During these
heavy as a skyscraper. It would sting nostalgic being. conversations with my mom, it
when I stood underneath basketball was apparent to her that on top of
hoops at recess hoping to get hit by I recall voicing my frustration over the inner sufferings 9/11 may have
a ball—getting hurt sounded better friends who piled their problems inspired, I was also, quite simply, a
than being alone. It would rile up on me. Instead of providing empty sensitive person regardless. I let the
and fill up my throat when I had to advice about why these people were rejection of friends in my early child-
go to the restroom by myself after not worth my friendship—they were hood dictate how I socialized in my
overhear- young adulthood.
ing fellow I let brutally
first-graders meaningless and
talk about juvenile romantic
the legend of encounters as
Bloody Mary, a young adult
so I refused deeply affect my
to go alone. sense of self. I
I would out- held the feelings
grow these of unsafety and
particular fear in my own
struggles, being, and even
but com- though I grew
bined with up to no longer
the classic stand under
burdens of basketball hoops
adolescence, and require a
anxiety made bathroom com-
a new friend: panion, those
depression. trappings have
While the infringed upon
majority of my ease of self
the world be- for as long as I
gan to reach can remember.
R.E.M., my My mom
mom and I always told me
Photo Credit: Valentey on Adobe Stock
would be in that it is so very
our can- important to
dle-lit living worth it, they’re human after all—she release all of these
room. With a black and white movie emphasized my resistance to open sufferings, the shallow and the deep,
on in the background, I was always up to the important people in my in order to enjoy life. She always,
inspired to tell her what was on my life. always emphasized that not releasing
mind because, as mothers often these feelings or events that haunted
have, of her innate understanding There was no reason to hold me would just create more harmful
of my inner world. I am especially onto any of the inevitable hurt patterns in my life. I was talented
gracious for the empathic instinct a we all face in life. in analyzing every memory I could
carved into me. When I complained I was angered by my own emotional recall, and every instance of not feel-
of a draining friend, she could always utility for others because I could not ing enough imprisoned in my inner
assess why a particular behavior up- bear, by nature, to use others for world. There was no reason to hold
9 Mind
onto any of the inevitable hurt we all face in life—they but my toddler-self is hysterically bewildered by the sep-
had contributed to my mindful, caring nature and abun- aration. It is such a vulnerable, stinging loss to lose your
dant self-knowledge. I had to say, “Thank you,” and set mother. So much so, that it often shifts my inner world
them free. This was the mantra she repeated like a broken into that of a helpless, abandoned child. I’ve noticed that
record. As her daughter, though, I was not acutely aware after I wail and sob, there is a lightness to my organs, a
of the difficulty she had in activating this release to her softness to my face. In many ways, I am wholly disap-
own life. She would pensively gaze out of the windows of pointed that my Mom never felt healed within, or merely
our home, once where the grand towers that fell in horror laid her personal hauntings to rest. I lay in the dirt over
once stood. She would incessantly scratch her wrists, where her shell now lies, and the mega realization bursts
perhaps longing to dig into herself and remove whatever over me. I owe, not only to myself, but to my mother, to
deeply hurt her from her bloodstream. She developed love and forgive myself as I do to others, and to not let the
cancer, and, the enigma that will terminally haunt my depth of my feelings take away my ease of self, of life. If
family, is why she did not tell anyone of her symptoms. there is any solace in her departure, it is that.
She showered in darkness so not to view her decaying
breast. Eventually, but long overdue, she received medical
treatment and began a long journey of handling a disease
that already decided it would succeed in killing her.
When she passed away, my early experiences of grief
involved a lot of sifting and reading - sifting through her
drawers, reading through the endless pages of her writing.
Stacked in an armoire amidst a unique literary collection
were books about having a depressed teenager – there
I owe, not only
must have been four or five of them. The sight of these
books were an odd reminder of the dark place I was to myself, but to
my mother, to love
once in as an adolescent. They also reminded me of the
energy my mom put into understanding me and easing
my suffering in any way she could. I read through her own
writing for hours on end. Within these journals were bits
of a metaphysical children’s book—her passion—as well and forgive myself
as I do to others,
as stream of consciousness about her dreams and her
deficits, and once she was ill, mantras of how she would
inevitably heal. Along with my mom’s unique brilliance,
it was evident that she did not let anything go. Months
before she died, scrawled in the corner of a legal pad, was
and to not let the
an expression of regret that she was not a pretty enough
baby for my grandmother. depth of my feel-
My head rings with an image of myself as a
toddler gripping onto her for dear life.
ings take away my
Tough dirt meets the bottom of my sneakers with urgen- ease of self, of life.
cy as I near the headstone. The last time I was here there
was nothing but a cement block and some pink flowers.
Before me, her name and a dancing angel are inscribed,
as well as the title of the book my mom always planned
to gift to the world. It is a towering, regal headstone, and
its placement among a sprawling, shady tree is just what
would please her - she was always a lover of a brisk day.
My head rings with an image of myself as a toddler grip-
ping onto her for dear life. She insists that she must go,
Mind 10
Photo Credit: Igor on Adobe Stock
on a diet.
and Body Dysmorphia rants. If I did go out to eat, I was paranoid about what
was in the food and how many calories it had. If there
was a calorie count on the menu, I wouldn’t trust it at all.
By Olivia Banks I wouldn’t be able to go to sleep until I had planned out
every single thing I was going to eat the next day.
I think people had a feeling I wasn’t doing well, but I
I’ve always stressed the idea that eating disorders and don’t think they knew how bad it was. I was leaving school
body image are never just about food and weight—there’s to get weighed at Boston Children’s Hospital a couple
very likely an underlying reason for why they occur. It’s times a month. I wore baggy clothes, made sure to eat
taken me years to have the courage to tell my own story low-calorie snacks around people, and completely isolat-
about anorexia and body dysmorphia. I’ve refrained from ed myself.
telling the full story to most people I know because it’s My weight kept plummeting. By winter of my sopho-
painful and difficult to talk about it in person. Sometimes more year of high school, my BMI was in the moderately
I minimize how much I struggled, and sometimes I make it anorexic category. I kept lying to myself and telling myself
sound like it was something I completely triumphed over. that I was fine, that I wasn’t sick. I legitimately felt obese
So I’m going to talk about it as openly as possible, in the and could not see how thin I had gotten. I was so deep
hopes that this story will spread awareness and help peo- in denial; It came to a point where I was used to secretly
ple who are dealing with similar issues feel less alone. doing jumping jacks while taking a cold shower.
Because eating disorders are so multifaceted, it’s im-
portant to recognize where they come from. It took me a You get to the point where you don’t think it’s weird
while to figure out why I’ve always had so many problems to bike 10 miles just so you can eat 12 frozen grapes.
with loving myself. I realized it was because as a child, I
was severely abused and exploited by someone who was I remember the exact moment when the switch flipped
supposed to take care of me. The gaslighting and manip- in my head. One night, I ate a single bite of chicken for
ulation was probably the worst part, because I became dinner, took the rest up to my room to “finish,” and
unable to distinguish abuse from love. I felt like I had no flushed it all down the toilet. I could feel the weight of the
control over my body, so I obsessed about it to overcom- miniscule bite that was still somewhere inside of me, and I
pensate. I would lie awake at night pinching my stomach spent the rest of the night sobbing uncontrollably and do-
putting my fingers around my wrist to see if it was skinny ing sit-ups because I knew it had been cooked in olive oil.
enough. Every day, I would ask my sister if she thought I weighed myself in the morning, and for the first time,
I was fat. It didn’t matter how she responded, I would I was not proud of the number. At thirty-five pounds less
always say, “You can tell me if I’m fat. It’s okay if you think than my starting weight, I was genuinely scared. I hadn’t
I’m a little fat. I know I’m a little fat.” slept at all, but I went to school like everything was fine.
No one treated me differently. Why would they? They
I wasn’t. But this became a daily ritual. had no idea what had happened the night before. They
couldn’t read my mind and they couldn’t see through my
I grew up terrified of getting curves and being a woman baggy clothes. It occurred to me, right then, that I was on
because I didn’t want male attention. I was very active my own. I could keep going and no one would say a word,
and naturally slim when I was younger, but I still felt really because no one knew how badly I was hurting. No one
heavy for some reason. People would tell me I was crazy could save me but myself.
for thinking this, but I didn’t know how to stop. So, when I didn’t want to live like this anymore. My hair was falling
I was 15 and started filling out a bit more, I decided to go out, I got dizzy every time I stood up, my heart rate was
Mind 12
too low, I couldn’t sleep and my body always cramped up thoughts in my head. On my not-so-good days, I’m able
due to lack of potassium. The psychological effects were to go out, but not without extreme anxiety. Sometimes I
just as bad as the physical ones. I hardly hung out with need to excuse myself or leave early. And as soon as I get
my friends; my anorexia was my best friend. I was suicidal home, my walls come crumbling down. I’ll think to myself
and moody. I always made sure to drink tons of water, over and over again, I can’t believe I made them all look at
wear heavy clothes and eat a lot of food to fake a higher me. I can’t believe how good I am at pretending this isn’t
number every time I got weighed by my doctor. This was so hard. It makes me feel fake. Because on my worst days,
the stupidest thing I could have done, because it became it hits me like a ton of bricks and makes it impossible to
harder and harder for me to hide. No one ever used the get out of bed, much less leave the house - and there’s no
word “eating disorder” around me at that time because I faking it on a day like that.
refused to hear it. I was treated for being underweight and
not the problems going on in my head. One day, my en- I think people glamorize what it’s like to live with an
docrinologist, mom and I had a very serious conversation eating disorder and/or body dysmorphia.
that ended with the phrase: “If you don’t gain weight, you
will end up with a tube down your throat.” These illnesses are really, really hard to live with, and
once you start spiraling, it’s extremely difficult to stop.
That knocked a bit of sense into me. People can tell you over and over again that you have a
problem and you need help, but that doesn’t mean you’ll
My mom then took me to a nutritionist who asked me if believe them if you can’t see what they see. Also, you
I thought I had an eating disorder. I said no because I was don’t need to be underweight to have a problem. Anyone
terrified of being hospitalized. She raised her eyebrows can develop an eating disorder, regardless of size, race,
and asked me again, and I remember saying, “I’m just tired gender or sexuality. And, honestly, once you get to that
and depressed, and you guys think I want to fit into a pair point, you will have a much harder time being the same
of skinny jeans.” The lady gave me a meal plan; I ripped it again, physically or mentally. I think a lot about the person
up and threw it out when I got home. No one knew what I would be if I never had an eating disorder, and I think a
to do. I did not want help. I “recovered” on my own, by lot about the person I was before I got really sick. Some-
binging and self-harming until I finally got to a “healthy” times I think she’s still in there. Sometimes I’m not sure.
weight at age 18. I wish I could say that I’m 100 percent better, and that
By this time, I was old enough to buy over-the-counter full recovery is possible, but I don’t know if that’s realistic.
diet pills. I spent hundreds of dollars on vitamins and Healing is not linear, and it takes time. What I do know
herbs that would help me “naturally” lose weight, and is, if you yourself are struggling, you deserve help. You de-
refused to take any psychiatric medication because I was serve to live your life to the fullest. You are beautiful. You
afraid I would get fat. I ate an average amount of food, but are enough. You can do this.
my eating patterns were still weird and compulsive. I lost
my period for over three years. I occasionally saw some
You
spotting for a day, but nothing substantial until I was
almost nineteen.
alone.
The complicated thing is that my weight now doesn’t
always correlate to how I’m actually doing. Even though I
look healthy, there are still days where I can’t look in the
mirror without crying, and days where I eat too much or
not enough. I refer to myself as a recovered anorexic who
still suffers with body dysmorphia.
On my good days, which occur more often than not, I’m
able to step out of my comfort zone and wear what I want
to wear, and I can successfully challenge the erroneous
Photo Credit: Lauren Crociati
A Guide to
Being a Loved One
How To Be A Safe Space
By Brianna Parker
When we develop a close relationship with someone, or situation. While our gut reaction may be to voice concern
over failing grades or not showing up to work, these concerns
upkeep a familial connection, it is a human desire to want to
understand and to help when a loved one is suffering. Mental can easily be expressed as criticism. I think it is imperative to
health is often the maintenance of a primarily inner world. emphasize that you are concerned for your loved one’s well
Despite the fact that interpersonal relationships are built being, not the state of the institutions part of their life. With
upon an intimate emotional understanding, we do not always that said, the spaces in which people work or go to school
know the in’s-and-out’s of the inner worlds that belong to may not always be sensitive to the mental health of individu-
those we cherish. Every individual’s inner space is incredibly als. The repercussions of not going to class or not performing
nuanced; each person’s sensitivities vary. Mental illness is a optimally at work can be triggering in themselves. It is likely
vast spectrum. Many allow their symptoms to sit in the back that your loved one is aware of the stressful consequenc-
of their outer lives, while others are forced to face the social es they must face because of their behavior, and voicing
repercussions of the labels assigned to their life experiences. your own anxiety about their place in school or work is not
This spectrum calls for a keen knowledge, awareness, and productive to the situation. Many may feel apathetic for
sensitivity in ensuring the safety and care of those we love those consequences or cannot afford to worry about those
who suffer. consequences because of the struggles they are facing. With
Due to the spectrum of mental health, there are times when that said, while you may be worried for your loved one about
a listening ear and spoken kindness can soften the difficult their life circumstances, it may be most helpful to listen to
experiences of a suffering loved one. However, there may the symptoms that are causing these challenges in their
also be instances where the individual you care for is putting exterior lives.
themselves at immense physical risk. Spo-
ken word of self-harm or suicide should
always be treated as an emergency. I be-
lieve it is best to be attentive yet nurturing
in how you communicate with a loved one
while they are expressing these dangerous
thoughts. Even though it should be treated
as an emergency immediately after, panick-
ing or acting with aggression in the moment
can escalate a loved one’s thoughts and
feelings. Productive, helpful and safety-en-
suring actions can be taken after attentive
and caring expression takes place.
If you take notice of the important things
in a loved one’s life, like school or their job,
being challenged because of the depth
of their struggles, it is a highly sensitive By blackpencil on Adobe Stock
15 Mind
Mental health can look different for so many, but for some, ing but a diagnosis can be quite relieving to some. It can offer
the resource of therapy is an integral part of their lives. For a validation of symptoms, or something to identify with. Of
others, therapy may be a chore. Some people may bring up a course, for others it can be a title that does not contribute to
therapy session at brunch with a friend, while others may never their sense of self, and for that reason, they may not advertise
even disclose to their inner circle that they attend. Navigating that diagnosis to many people in their lives. Along with feeling
these conversations, or lack thereof, is crucial to be a support- disconnected from a diagnosis, there is evidently loads of
ive loved one. It is likely that you are aware of the level of com- stigma assigned to each illness. Naturally, it may be intensely
fort a loved one has in discussing their use of therapy. If their difficult for some to share or discuss a diagnosis because of the
sessions or advice given to them by their doctor is brought up surrounding stigma. It is important when addressing a loved
in casual conversation, I think it is best to respond in the same one’s diagnosis to gauge how they personally feel about it. If it
way if your loved one was telling you about advice or clarity is something of relief or identification, perhaps express to your
they received from a parent, friend, etc. However, it is also loved one that you are happy they have found clarity in the sit-
wise to respect that the act of sharing these sessions with you, uation, and that you will work to understand more about their
even if done with ease, is vulnerable, and that you should think illness to your best abilities. For others that fail to express their
twice before asking about therapy in the same way you would diagnosis, or communicate with shame, I suggest affirming that
about their love life or their job. you love this person because of who they are to you. Affirm
Another important part of communication between you that who they are to you is their defining quality, not the illness
and a loved one about therapy is to never seek answers about they have. Separating the two is important in this scenario
what your loved one tells their therapist about you, or about because it communicates that you can see their illness just like
a situation relevant to you. Sometimes people are inclined to any other, and that it is not going to inform who they are to you
ask if you have mentioned them to your therapist, or if their and your special relationship with them.
therapist has offered them advice for a situation you perceive The utmost important thing one can do as a loved one to
to be pressing in their lives. First of all, it is not your business if someone suffering with mental health is to accept that you will
you have been mentioned in their therapy sessions. Secondly, never fully know how those you love feel. We can be empathic
your loved one may have spent an entire night texting with you and nurturing and understanding, but at the end of the day,
stressing over a class, or mourning a breakup. I would not ad- we are not situated in the walls of their minds - only they are.
vise to use those moments to segway into asking: “So, what did It is crucial to accept this truth and to act with delicacy and re-
your therapist say about this?” It is wonderful that a loved one spect. Feelings of love, care, and concern are special, beautiful,
is able to confide in you about the stressors in their life, but it and critical to our lives, but sometimes they can be expressed
doesn’t mean that’s what they discussed with their therapist. with such force that it can do more damage than good. Learn-
In fact, there could be something even deeper and darker in ing to express your love and concern in a way that is sensitive
their inner lives that they do not feel comfortable sharing with to the issues at hand, and becoming knowledgeable about the
you, and that is okay. Funny enough, it is also quite possible medical conditions of your loved one are essential. The next
they laid their head on a pillow, probably covered with a paper time someone you care about confides in you, perhaps refrain
towel for hygienic reasons, and talked about the weather for from the quintessentially polite, “Be positive!” or evoking faux
twenty minutes of their session. You never know. empathy by sharing your own personal experiences. These
The same kind of nuanced sensitivity and attentiveness is interactions are often well intentioned, but can feel insincere to
important for other aspects of mental health. In regards to those seeking your attention. Sometimes it is best to just listen
medication, some will swallow their medication right in front - to validate that how your loved one feels is real and true to
of you, in the same way some take birth control or an aspirin. them. That is simply the best we can do - the best we must do.
Some loved ones may even ask you to remind them to take
their medication. Others may stick prescription bottles in a Learning to express your love and concern
drawer when they know they’re getting company. It is import-
ant to voice that it is okay to express that part of their lives in
in a way that is sensitive to the issues at
any capacity they desire, or simply not at all. It is also important hand, and becoming knowledgeable about
to accept that expression, or lack thereof, and not conduct an the medical conditions of your loved one
interview despite how transparent about their medication they
may be.
are essential.
I may sound like a broken record, but the same awareness
must be applied to a loved one’s diagnosis. It may be surpris-
Mind 16
Tara, You look at each painting, understanding why all these years
you’ve been in love with art: moments as rare as this occur
You felt the world today. You tapped into the source of energy and you can dive into a piece and be taken out of this world.
that makes the world spin, that makes the earth rotate around The frames don’t exist. Your eyes move, which aren’t really
and around on its axis, spins the starry skies and creates the eyes, they’re more like legs, allowing you to walk point to point,
constellations out of open air. It was one of those feelings that is moment to moment in the work. But as before, people come
much too complicated and awesome to describe. It was a mo- down the hall and you turn a different shade of pink, the shade
ment where the dictionary of words, in any language or tongue, of disappointment because something just ended. The frames
does not have even a blend of definitions to match the marvel come into view. You’re put back on earth.
of it all. But you felt the world. It was in front of you, all of it. It
was behind you, each bit. It was above you, in completion. It was But as before, this world is different. You suddenly need to see
underneath, in between, swirling you off the ground into a daze your own face. You don’t remember what you looked like. You’re
that lifted you. You weren’t floating, because you weren’t doing sure that something has changed, you can’t possibly be the same.
anything. The world lifted you. And you didn’t have to allow it You look in the mirror and for the first time, you don’t see the
to. Things like this you don’t give permission to. Because to give flaws. You don’t see the red skin or the little pimples. You don’t
permission, you have to have someone ask, have to have an idea see the greasy hair. You see the eyes. Small, alive, darting and
that something might happen. You didn’t. patient, but expecting.
How did it happen? How does something like this ever start? You walk back to a window. You touch the world. You feel the
With a book. You were engrossed in this silly teen romance novel, world.
surrounded by it. The space outside the inked 4x6 pages didn’t
matter, as it goes when reading usually. Every young love story In this moment, I realized that every single person has a story, a
begins the same: two misunderstood teenagers who have pain tale, a sequence of events that combined makes a heart beat and
and real people emotions when the rest of the characters are head tick. These kids in the teen romance book--millions of peo-
painted as emotionless and only silhouettes of a real human. ple reading gripped onto them. Because each reader has a story.
But these two characters, oddly, kind of represented something It doesn’t matter if their story doesn’t matter. But it is one. And I
in my life. Their situation, both physically and emotionally, was have one. I’m going to make it it one where every single day I feel
something I could relate to as a girl in high school, something that the need to write “Tara, guess what happened …”.
was real to me. That was funny at first, but sucked and warped
me back to a time in my life where things were really young and
beautiful.
A letter to myself
But someone comes down the stairs at which the bottom you
were sitting, you become aware of yourself, aware that you are
reliving and redoing something, and become pink in the face, the
shade of embarrassment, and close the book.
You look up. You realize you’re sitting in a home of history. Not a
historic house, the location you give your friends and sadly more
importantly, your resume. No, this was a home. You look at the
pictures of the family with fresh eyes. Fresh understanding. Your Author’s note: I wrote this piece three years ago at the begin-
fresh eyes somehow become alive eyes and so do all the ones ning of my depression. I can confidently say that I filled my
staring back. You need to look at the home again. You need to journal pages with as much life as I could, despite feeling hol-
go into each room and feel them again. You need to look at each lowed and gutted, nothing and numb, elated and weightless.
couch cushion, each door handle, each sconce with this family Depression is confusing for a lot of people, but I promise the
in mind. You need to stand at each window and understand the journal pages won’t stop turning over and over with a little bit
view. Close your eyes. Touch it. Touch it with every inch of your of fight to feel the world.
being. You don’t know why this is happening. You don’t need to. -Tara Branch
You love it.
Photo Credit: Lauren Crociati
Photo Credit: Lauren Crociati
Two Halves of a Whole
By Isabella Pico
Reality is slipping away as my head hits the floor and my eyes shut tight.
Reality is slipping away as my thoughts become crushing and the weight of the world is too much
for my shoulders and so they crumble.
The world I have been exposed to has a poisonous bite and it is not one I saw coming.
The poison seeps into my head and whispers in my ears, “you can’t” and so I don’t.
When you try to suck the venom out it poisons you too and I may never forgive myself.
I am contagious.
I will tell myself that “I can” and I will, on that day, I will.
I might have been contagious but when this poison is excreted from my body I will forgive and I will
heal.
I will apologize to you but you have gotten rid of the poison much faster than I have and I am jeal-
ous and I shouldn’t be jealous but how?
I have clawed my way up through this hole and I envy the people that had a ladder.
Not having a ladder is not better, but it did rip my layers paper-thin and I exposed myself to me
and I have never seen myself so naked and vulnerable and she let me fix her.
I have “self-care” nights with facemasks and paint my nails and do my hair and my makeup and it
helps.
Being selfish is selfish but when you have spent so many days being selfless you owe yourself one
night out of the week to do your silly little facemasks.
Coping mechanisms will improve but for now she is content.
Mind 20
The thoughts pour, but I cannot grasp them All of Me
They are sharp, and sting By Ally LaDestro
They are terrifying, they are fast
They are about nothing and everything.
I close my eyes and hope it slows, but everything just rushes, and I cannot breathe.
My hands shake, and I whisper to myself not to worry, but it is lost in the wave of everything else.
My anxiety crashes around my life.
My memories mold into agents of its extended existence.
My actions crumble under its pressure
My thoughts attack each other, attack me.
When I try to speak, to whisper about the pain, the words are bitten off my tongue
They come out only as chewed out fragments, spewing sloppily.
Anxiety is my malignant secret.
It is the poison that translates only to imperfection and deficiency
I feel all I can do is hide it away.
Tuck it beneath a falsified interpretation of flawlessness.
Conceal it with purposeful words and decaying smiles.
Push it so far down, perfection is accepted before defection can ever be detected.
It is a beautiful terrible lie I tell.
Mind 22
Orchard Blooms & Fiddle Tunes
By Lyndsey Ware
A cup of coffee so strong it can stand on its own… Resilience is a beautiful thing
My childhood days and southern ways You may not talk, talk, talk
Percolating, penetrating my cell walls & bones. But you can sing! You can sing!
Lone star soul, capturing all who dare enter, Deep breaths of chilling air
A positive feedback loop I’ve got ions and pressure tangled in my hair
That keeps me spinning on center, My roots don’t allow me to give up
My hips swinging cast iron hula hoops. Adaptation brings revelations
I hear it’s hot in Texas, Holy water and whiskey in my coffee cup
Thick air through which red tail hawks and I have flown We are all some sort of creation
Cactus pears and cedar trees rooting in limestone Organisms birthed from sand and mud
These orchid blooms and fiddle tunes Wilder than fire for centuries
Set a tempo for the snow. Now It takes a million images to join the club
I hold onto a few things, Adding insult to injury
Nutrients needed for my Spirits growth Willingly, ignorantly, fearfully
Governors that keep me from losing control Heartbeats picking up the tempo to “keep up”
When I read between the lines With a bunch of nothing we’ve made up
And can’t help but know Orchid blooms and fiddle tunes
The bull’s stacked high behind the curtains Do you have a website coming soon?
Our guts and projections blasted on every screen It’s a matter of survival
Not much is sacred, nothing is certain No longer clear in the waters revival
I keep most of me “hidden” in magazines priority is to generate rivals.
Not because I have anything to hide A water downed collection
But because I refuse to feed myself lies Of shit, bones, blood, and affection
(They really don’t taste the way they used too) A diluted mixture of decimals, fashion, data, and halfheart-
Oh, these orchid blooms and fiddle tunes ed connections,
Do evergreens and guitar strings Polarizing everything!
Envy you? Synthesizing haphazardly!
Can you recall where you come from, Our “sins” and fish eyed lens
Or what your host trees do? Buried beneath the snow.
Is your data on an old loop, only partially oxidized from all Only the orchid blooms and fiddle tunes
you went through? Have something left to show.
Author’s Note: This piece addresses a transition trying to take place, informed by being physically ill for extended periods of
time, stress, perspective and how that all plays into our mental well being.
Photo Credit: Lauren Crociati
Vicious Cycle
A short story by Virginia Lewis
Then the clouds came. Black thunder clouds appeared She was being pulled left, right, sideways, down.
Mind 26
She could barely tell up from down in the dizzying
encounter, but she fought to keep her head in air. She
kicked and flailed her arms just as she instinctively knew
how.
The water pulled her head under for the first time, then
again, and finally once more. She couldn’t find air. Her
hands would reach up and only find liquid. She kicked
her legs with all her might, but it still wasn’t enough. She
was quickly dragged deeper and deeper. Her lungs began
to scream and finally she took a deep breath. Water filled
her lungs and her eyes popped open. The pressure sur-
rounding her body tightened the deeper she went. Her
body was torn from side to side. Her limbs ached and her
head fogged. Her eyes began to shut as her world went
black. She continued to feel the water, but she knew she
was gone.
She opened her eyes to a blue sky and green grass. She
sat atop a hill, gazing into the sunset with glassy eyes.
She sighed, her breath puffing out in clouds, doomed to
try again. To finally have a full sunny day, but she knew
a bright sunny day only led to catastrophe. The vicious
cycle continued.
Author’s Note: This story was written during in the midst of a depressive episode I had been struggling through. I tried to
put exactly how I was feeling on paper and, after talking to other people, have found that this is a common feeling. I hope
this story will help people to see that they aren’t alone and other people feel just like they do. I also hope it provides some
sort of understanding for people who have never experienced depression or anxiety so they can better understand the feel-
ings of their friends or family. Being stuck in a depressive episode can make you feel like there’s no end in sight, but from
experience I know that things will always get better. Just know that you aren’t alone.
27 Mind
How to make your living space
conducive to your mental health
By Megan Mentuck opening your blinds at a specific time or obvious, but I promise you that as
in the morning and closing them at well as being cliched, it is also very
Adjusting to college can be hard, a specific time at night can improve effective. Plants. Plants are an excel-
especially when the extent of your your overall sleep quality by allowing lent way to improve the air quality of
personal space consists of one hun- your body to stay in touch with it’s your room and brighten it up; both of
dred and thirty square feet shared circadian rhythm. these things are linked to a more pos-
with another student. However, there Another way to make your dorm itive mental mindset. I’ll admit that I
are ways to design your room to op- room, or any living space for that have killed my fair share of household
timize its potential in being a positive matter, conducive to positive mental plants in my own dorm rooms; but,
living space. A positive living space health is to keep it clean. Now this if you invest in a plant that’s easy to
is important in promoting a healthy one sounds simple; but, it’s easy to take care of, it can make your space
state of mind, which can make you leave a pile of dirty clothes at the bot- feel happier and more inviting. Taking
happier, more productive, and even tom of your closet or forget to take care of a living thing can also improve
sometimes physically healthier. out your trash in a timely fashion. mental health by assigning a person
Step one in optimizing the poten- However, it’s important to take twen- a purpose and it can feel rewarding
tial positive energy within your living ty to thirty minutes every once in a when that purpose is carried out suc-
space is to appreciate your windows! while to put discarded outfit choices cessfully.
Opening up the blinds and letting in back in the closet, vacuum the car- Now, I’ll admit that maintaining a
a little sun can make your small space pet, and keep at least the surface of positive mental health consists of
feel bigger and promote a more pro- your desk clutter-free. Keeping a tidy much more than opening up your
ductive mindset. It’s impossible to ig- living space both reduces stress levels windows, decluttering your room,
nore the fact that you’re wasting your and improves mental functions, spe- and buying a few plants. But, I do
sunday laying in bed watching Netflix cifically focus. This means that when think that creating a positive environ-
when the blinds are open. Natural your room is clutter-free and clean, ment for yourself is a good place to
light also increases the production of it allows you to focus better on the start. As people, our mental health is
the body’s feel-good hormones and tasks at hand and it promotes a more affected by countless elements of our
for that reason, it increases alertness, positive mentality. environment, most of which are out
attentiveness and overall mood. Nat- My last piece of advice in creating of our control. So, sometimes I find it
ural light is also instrumental in devel- a living space that promotes posi- helpful to consider what is in my con-
oping your body’s circadian rhythm; tive mental health may seem trivial trol and I start with that.
Mind 28
Your Brain
is Beautiful
By Erik Vegeto
Every brain is beautiful. It’s easy to forget this simple fact, and if and hope of myself. I discovered that my mind in its essence was not
ill, but that something more superficial had reflected unfaithfully
you, like me, have struggled with mental illness, then you have prob-
ably felt some brain shame. Your brain is beautiful, whether it is plain the nature of my mind. My personality was not evil or ugly, as I had
to you or not. Everything your brain does from processing visual thought in my worry, but it was unique, misunderstood, and it was
information to understanding and empathizing the pain of other beautiful. There was reason for me to believe in myself again, and to
human beings is as beautiful as a sunset. If I can give you any advice step into the world again, with courage, as myself.
as a fellow personofmentalillness, it is to never let anyone or any Since this realization, I often get ready for bed early at night. I take
experience make you feel that your unique way of seeing, feeling, a shower, dress in soft clothes and allow my whole being to relax.
and thinking about the Sometimes I will ob-
world is ugly or unwor- serve my mind think.
thy. That is your own, This thing that used to
and no one can take scare me when I was
that away from you. unwell for its quick-
It is no secret that a ness, its jumping from
struggle with mental thought to thought. I
illness often leads peo- listen more carefully to
ple to feel intense and the natural progres-
suffocating feelings sions of my mind a nd
of shame and regret. I it seems to be making
had the omnipresent music, making solu-
belief that my brain tions, and appreciating
was somehow tainted in new ways all the
by my experiences, experiences of my day.
that it could do no It seems to be working
good because it had well, by nature. I think
failed me at one point new thoughts. The
in my life. It became wonderful workings
that the shame was of the human mind!
so potent that it itself Now I crave for new
was the obstacle to my thoughts that will
recovery. What could allow me to transcend
restore my confi- my current way of
dence? What could thinking for that, I
help me to believe in believe will ensure my
my own abilities again? health t o not be overly
I had to return to the basics, and remember the source. The stars stuck in thoughts, but always learning and being born anew, just as a
at night made me feel a certain way that was clear and visceral, like body of moving water will stay fresh.
a gulp of fresh air for my consciousness. I discovered that certain All things in nature can teach you about your mind, especially the
experiences were a kind of healing salve for my brain; they were wild, because your mind is the most wild thing about you. It’s the
things simple and true. I discovered that the source of consciousness last bit of uncolonized real estate in human civilization: because of
is like pure, unadulterated water, and I drank that water. Slowly my dreams, experiences and emotions. Love will always destroy your
thoughts and feelings began to reflect that purity, that original intent mind and rebuild it, so see the beauty in the world as you see the
beauty in yourself. We are reflections of the natural world, and the
29 Mind
more we reflect its health in ourselves, the more we become healthy Nothing is more important than being at peace with yourself. All
examples of nature. other things in life are built off of this foundation; for we are always
It’s important to keep reaching to fulfill the innermost sense of with ourselves. You must come to terms with the miracle of you, an
destiny which is innate to each one of us. This is the source of the encounter which, ironically, is facilitated by contact with the beau-
mind’s beauty, what some call the search for infinity. The inner life of ty of the natural world, the beauty of art and the beauty of other
the mind is rich and deep like the depths of the ocean or the furthest people. Often we cannot search for the answer within ourselves, but
reaches of space. Remember your mind is an ecosystem full of life, must find the touchstone of our souls in new experiences and loves.
connection and possibility, and that your mind is connected with all We shed off our old selves like a crab sheds off its shell. When chang-
else that occurs in the cosmos. We are not islands, as the old saying ing shells, it is exposed and vulnerable. Pay attention as you make
goes, but windows into a vast universe of possibility. Discover, learn, transcendent leaps, the movement of your mind is a natural process
expand, transcend. Become excited about the universe again. as beautiful as the changing of seasons; like the leaves changing color
and falling like snow, and the buds of new growth emerging in the
At no point was your mind not beautiful. It’s important to not spring. Allow your mind to heal and grow, and love your brain for
become alienated from your own thoughts or emotions even if they what it is: beautiful as all things that belong to nature.
do not serve you at some point. I know that I particularly struggle
with emotional sensitivity. Things that I think should only hurt a little
can hurt me very deeply. I used to become frustrated with myself for
feeling so deeply hurt at something when, rationally, it was no big
deal. But I’ve learned to pay close attention to these feelings in order
to be healed and strengthened. They are a deep call from within my
body’s intelligence to listen and learn. My mind and heart are not my
enemies, but my closest allies, the family of myself. This makes me
love my emotions and thoughts, appreciate them, and see them as
beautiful.
Mind 30
Photo Credit: Lauren Crociati
KoreanA cultural
Popexample
Culture’s Ignorance of Mental Health
of how talking about one’s mental health can be stigmatized
By Olivia Gebski