Академический Документы
Профессиональный Документы
Культура Документы
by Hudson Rixham
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
Original Poem
ORIGINALITY REPORT
0 %
SIMILARIT Y INDEX
0%
INT ERNET SOURCES
0%
PUBLICAT IONS
0%
ST UDENT PAPERS
PRIMARY SOURCES
Instructor
30
PAGE 1
/30
Article Error You may need to use an article bef ore this word.
Comment 1
Nice rhythm...I like the repetition of "I still" maybe that should be the f irst words of each line...?
Comment 2
comma af ter "Oh"
Comment 3
yes! good use of enjambment.
Comment 4
a simile or more concrete images would help here....
Comment 5
again, maybe another comparison image...simile or metaphor.
Missing "," You may need to place a comma af ter this word.
Comment 6
ha...
Comment 7
beautif ul
Missing "," You may need to place a comma af ter this word.
Comment 8
something tells me you all most likely gave her a really good lif e.
Comment 9
Oh, how sad. What a beautif ul tribute to a beloved pet. It makes me think of the pets that have
passed f rom my lif e. I can empathize. T hey really come in and take a special place in our lives,
as clearly Juneau did. I think this poem touches on that importance and the role they take in our
f amilies..and just how awf ul it is when the time comes to part.
From a six year old: He said, 'People are born so that they can learn how to live a good Lif e - -
like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?' T he Six-year-old continued, 'Well, dogs
already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.'
20/20
PAGE 2
Comment 10
ouch...I know this pain. It's good that you can look back and learn f rom this. It's amazing what
dogs/pets mean in our lives. Sounds like she was well taken care of .
Comment 11
great.
great.
Comment 12
particularly well used.
Comment 13
it's hyperbole, and also a bit of a cliche...I think you could do better using some kind of image. \
Overall, I think you could add more concrete images. A description of Juneau would help too.
But there are some places where you could reinf orce this with some images, similes..etc.
Comment 14
T he thought occurred to me that you might want to structure each stanza with some repetition.
Like: "I can still" in the f irst stanza...then "I miss" in the second...f ollowed by another in the f inal
stanzas...like "she is" Start each line with these phrases. see if you can make it work. Give it
a try. Some good work here. I think you have some poet in you. Keep up with the writing.
Comment 15
10/10
RUBRIC: 9 TH-12TH GRADE ANALYSIS
CLAIM/FOCUS
Claim and Focus: Make a clear claim about the text(s) early in the essay and f ocus on proving it.
ADVANCED T he essay makes a clear claim about the purpose, ef f ectiveness, or message of the
text(s) based on the strategies, techniques, or devices of the text(s). T he essay
maintains f ocus on analyzing the text(s), using the whole essay to develop the claim
and thoroughly address the demands of the prompt.
PROFICIENT T he essay makes a clear claim about the purpose, ef f ectiveness, or message of the
text(s). T he essay maintains a f ocus on the text(s), but may stray at times f rom
developing the claim. If more than one text is being analyzed, the essay demonstrates
a good balance between or among the texts and addresses the demands of the
prompt.
DEVELOPING T he essay makes a claim about the text(s), but may not connect the claim to the
strategies, techniques, or devices of the text(s). T he essay may maintain f ocus on
the text(s), but not the analysis (or vice versa). If more than one text is being
analyzed, the writer may neglect one or more and may not f ully address the demands
of the prompt.
EMERGING T he essay does not have a claim about the text or about the strategies, techniques,
or devices of the text(s), but may instead of f er overly general f acts as a claim. T he
essay does not develop a claim throughout the essay and does not address the
demands of the prompt.
ANALYSIS/EVID
Analysis and Evidence: Choose the right evidence and analyze the evidence's purpose and ef f ect.
ADVANCED T he essay cites the most appropriate and valid evidence to support its claim and f ully
explains how the evidence cited leads to the message or purpose of the text(s). T he
essay demonstrates insightf ul reasoning and f ull understanding of the strategies of
the text(s).
PROFICIENT T he essay cites appropriate evidence to support its claim and f ollows up evidence
with explanations of how it works to achieve the author's message. Summary, if
present, is balanced with analysis. T he essay demonstrates some reasoning and a
basic understanding of the text's or texts' strategies.
DEVELOPING T he essay relies too heavily on summary and of f ers only vague analysis to support
its claim and evidence is not f ollowed up with analysis. T he essay demonstrates very
little reasoning, and instead includes assertions about the text's or texts' strategies.
EMERGING T he essay does not use evidence f rom the text(s) f or the purpose of analysis. T he
essay may incorporate summary without analysis, neglecting to f ocus on the
f eatures of the text(s).
ORGANIZ AT ION
Organization: Include an engaging introduction and strong conclusion. Use transitions throughout the
essay to make connections clear.
PROFICIENT T he essay's transitions and structure make it clear and easy to f ollow. T he essay
includes an introductory paragraph or statement, as well as a concluding paragraph
or statement.
DEVELOPING T he essay's transitions and structure may interf ere with a f ull understanding of the
writer's claim. T he essay includes an attempt at an introduction/introductory
statement and/or conclusion/concluding statement.
EMERGING T he lack of transitions and structure make the essay hard to f ollow. T he essay is
missing an introduction or conclusion of any kind.
LANG/ST YLE
Language and Style: Use specif ic, interesting language and clear sentence structure to communicate ideas.
ADVANCED T he essay has an established, f ormal style and objective tone that is maintained
throughout. T he essay uses mostly correct, varied sentence structure and uses
precise language and domain-specif ic vocabulary in a way that addresses the
complexity of the topic. Few errors are present, and they do not interf ere with
meaning.
PROFICIENT T he essay has an established, f ormal style that is maintained throughout. T he essay
uses mostly correct, varied sentence structure and generally uses precise language
and domain-specif ic vocabulary in way that generally addresses the complexity of the
topic. T he essay may have some errors, but they do not interf ere with meaning.
DEVELOPING T he essay attempts to establish a f ormal style that may not be maintained
throughout. T he essay attempts to vary sentence structure and uses some precise
language that may be domain-specif ic at times in a way that may address the
complexity of the topic inconsistently. T he essay contains some errors that may, at
times, interf ere with meaning.
EMERGING T he essay does not establish and/or maintain a f ormal style. T he essay uses little
variety in sentence structure, and the language is general and not domain-specif ic.
T he essay contains errors that interf ere with meaning.