Personal stories
‘
Lots of people
thought there was
something ‘wrong’
with me’
Author Laura James was diagnosed
with autism at the age of 45. She
lives in Norwich.
“When I look back at my early
childhood I can remember being
happy at nursery. No one there
pressured me into things, but it all
changed when I started school.
I had no friends, couldn’t
understand what was being asked
of me in class and spent most of
the time being shouted at.
Lots of people thought there
was something ‘wrong’ with me,
but interestingly I knew they weren’t
right and I didn’t internalise it.
I left school, got married and
had my first child at age 20. I tried
out various different jobs – and was
fired from many of them.
I didn’t work for the best part of
a decade, but when my second
husband Tim became a publishing
director I began freelancing for
Everyone is
entitled to an
education, and I could
have done a lot more
with the right support”
some of his titles. I’d do odd things
like get up from my desk mid-
morning, go for a coffee and not
come back, but I was lucky in that I
had a talent for writing.
While I was finally carving out a
successful career, though, I
couldn’t take care of myself or my
four children in many other ways.
I couldn’t cope with the school run
or cooking dinner, but could afford
to employ a nanny and ‘bought my
way out’ of the problem. People
didn’t look behind the façade.
I’d been misdiagnosed with
numerous physical illnesses over
the years, but the turning point
came when I discovered I had a
connective tissue disorder.
I underwent an intensive round
of tests and ended up having a
meltdown. A nurse recognised it as
a symptom of autism and after that
it was a quick process to be
diagnosed. I went on to write my
16 Au t i s m | e y e I s s u e 3 3 2 0 1 9
Mid-life
diagnosis
One major spectrum trend is that of adults
being diagnosed with autism and associated
conditions – but is putting a life more into
context always helpful? Sarah Welsh spoke
to four people who have been on this journey
to hear about their experiences and opinions
www.autismeye.com
book Odd Girl Out about that first
year after diagnosis.
Looking back, I think I
undoubtedly would have benefited
from being diagnosed with ASD as
a child. Everyone is entitled to an
education, and I could have done
a lot more with the right support.
There is still a real lack of
support for adults dealing with
diagnosis. I really struggle with
www.autismeye.com
change, and things like Brexit or
my kids going to university have
massively thrown me. This is a
trend that’s set to continue, but
hopefully the system is becoming
more responsive.
What does make me feel good is
learning that other adults have
sought a diagnosis having read my
story. I recently got a letter from a
woman who was diagnosed at 75.”
‘
I don’t want to be
defined by my autism’
English teacher Georgina was
diagnosed with autism at the age of
24. She is based in Kent.
“I never felt that different at school,
Opening up: it
can be difficult
not in terms of having friends
anyway. If ever I felt ‘segregated’ I
to talk about
personal issues
just put that down to my personality.
I think my creative talents
that may be weren’t channelled in the right
related to direction. I left school with A to C
autism – but GCSE grades and went on to study
each of our four A-levels, but I only completed AS
interviewees Level English before dropping out.
has faced up to After that it was a case of trying to
that challenge find the right path. I studied
“I think I would
have benefited
from being
diagnosed as a
child”: author
Laura James
graphic design at college, then did
a university access course, and
worked as an apprentice in an
architect’s office, but it was hard to
find something that suited me.
My mum is very introverted and
friends had asked whether she
thought she might be autistic, but
she didn’t want to pursue it. It
inspired me to research it, though,
and a lot of what I found rang true
for me. I went to see my GP and a
year later was diagnosed with
Asperger’s syndrome.
Since then people have reacted
in different ways when I’ve told
them I’m on the spectrum. I’m wary
of people’s perceptions of me
changing once they know, and I
don’t want to be defined by my
autism. A lot of people still don’t
understand what it is and that can
put me at a real disadvantage.
For that reason I’m glad I wasn’t
diagnosed as a child. I’ve seen
friends get trapped in cycles of
depression and anxiety and now
I’m older I think I’m better placed
to process things. I’m currently
Au t i s m | e y e I s s u e 3 3 2 0 1 9 17
 Personal stories
volunteering abroad, travelling
across Europe teaching English to
children, and I want those I meet to
get to know me before they know
about my autism. What I would like
is to be able to help others.”
(Georgina’s surname has been left
out at her request)
‘
Some of my
behaviours as a
parent were very
unbecoming because of
my autism’
Author and freelance trainer
Laurence Mitchell, 65, was
diagnosed with Asperger’s
syndrome and ADHD at the age of
49. He lives in London
“I have a memory of being in
McDonalds with my children when
my youngest son was five and
starting to copy him, throwing
chips around the restaurant
because it looked fun.
And another earlier recollection
of taking a girlfriend to my cousin’s
party and saying to him that she
was ‘a dumb blonde bimbo’.
I never had the same
awareness of social norms and
cues as others, you see. I never
realised why I unintentionally upset
friends and colleagues.
That is, until I was diagnosed
with autism at the age of 49.
My parents said they knew
something was ‘different’ about me
as a toddler, and I certainly felt the
odd one out as a child. When I was
eight I was humiliated and pointed
out in assembly by the headmaster.
Further reading
Odd Girl Out: An
Autistic Woman in a
Neurotypical World (UK)
and Odd Girl Out: My
Extraordinary Autistic
Life (US) by Laura
James. Published by Bluebird and
Seal Press respectively, available
from retailers at around £6/$13
paperback
Aspie and Me by
Laurence Mitchell.
Filament Publishing,
£14.99. A new version
is due to be released
in March.
Visit: www.aspieandme.com
18 Au t i s m | e y e I s s u e 3 3 2 0 1 9
It was hugely unhelpful and gave
bullies open season on me. It was
devastating to my confidence and
self-esteem and I left school with
just one qualification.
What I did possess was drive
and focus, though, and I was
able to build a successful career
from dealing in stamps. I had
terrible lack of trust despite my
success, however.
I had an ultimately very difficult
marriage to my wife, who had
acute bi-polar disorder and
tragically killed herself. I have three
grown-up children – two sons,
aged 35 and 32, and 29-year-old
Abbie, who has written about her
own battle with depression.
My behaviours as a parent
could be very unbecoming, and
my late wife felt like she couldn’t
trust me. It was actually after she
saw a documentary about
Asperger’s that she said she
thought I had it.
When I was first diagnosed I
wasn’t that surprised, but it
certainly did put things into context
for me. I don’t know if it would have
made a difference if I’d been
diagnosed in childhood – only if I’d
had the right support, I think.
Recently, I met a lovely woman
online and we’re in a very happy
relationship. I feel hopeful about
the future, but rebuilding your
confidence after adult diagnosis is
an ongoing process.
‘
After I was diagnosed
I even ‘came out’ on
social media!’
Rebekah Carter, 39, is a paralegal
who was diagnosed with high-
functioning autism and ADHD in
her 30s. She comes from Lacey,
Washington State
“As a teenager my favourite t-shirt
had a logo that read: ‘I’m gifted,
Speaking through pictures
not weird,’ and in many ways
that perfectly describes my life
to this point.
After being widowed, I’m now a A patented ‘high-tech’
single parent to my three children, Communication Aid
Johnny, nine, Makhailah, eight, uniquely developed
and six-year-old Tristan, all of
whom were diagnosed with autism
for non-verbal
communicators
before me.
That process brought back lots familiar with physical
of childhood memories. I was Picture Exchange and
raised by my mum and
grandparents and was always based on Drag and Drop with voice output.
“I feel hopeful quite introverted – I still am – and
about the preferred playing outdoors by
future”: author myself or doing crafts.
and trainer I was also obsessive at school
Laurence about strange things, such as ● Familiar and easily recognisable
Mitchell memorising bible chapters and the to physical Picture Exchange
American constitution. Plus, I’d skip
school and nap in my car or hide in users
the bathroom – I was nicknamed
‘The Wanderer’.
I was bullied at school and ● Choice of popular image sets:
always felt like an outcast. In high
school my best friend used to
PCS, SymbolStix or Widgit
speak for me, because while I
wasn’t non-verbal I was painfully
shy. I always struggled socially but
● Drag & Drop encourages
“intentional” communication
I’m glad I’ve and more control
been able to
show that you can ● Simple and quick to configure
succeed and build a and personalise
good life with ASD”
loved writing and music. I didn’t
● Ability to add voice recording
know that I was autistic then, but I and digital photos , e.g. family,
knew I didn’t want to be like
everyone else.
friends, carers etc.
I dropped out of college and did
evening classes whilst working full
time, and now I’m a paralegal, a
scriptwriter on the side and also
run a parents’ group for parents of
exceptional children. Available on Windows
After diagnosis I felt both
10 Tablets or as
relieved and validated. I even
‘came out’ on social media! Most
Software Only
people were supportive – and
FREE
not surprised.
I want my children to be
accepted for who they are, and for
people to realise being autistic isn’t 30 DAY TRIAL
a big deal. I’m glad that I’ve been AVAILABLE FROM OUR WEBSITE
able to show them that you can
succeed and build a good life with
ASD. Plus, I’m kinder to myself now
www.speaks4me.com
– I don’t worry so much about Tel: 044 (0)330 555 0220 Email: contact@speaks4me.com
pleasing other people.”
www.autismeye.com