Introduction To Soft Skills and Hard Skills

Soft skills refers to the personal traits, characteristics and competencies that inform us
how an individual is related to other. It can be said to be a synonym for people skills or
interpersonal skills of an individual. Soft skills describes those personal attributes that
indicate a high level of emotional intelligence in humans. These skills include empathy,
analytical thinking and etiquette. Soft skills are properties that are impossible to quantify
but play an important factor in many business set ups.

Some examples of Soft skills :

• Ambition
• Self-management skills
• Confidence
• Time-management
• Manners
• Focus
• Common sense
• Empathy
• Situational awareness
• Work Ethic
• Patience

Hard skills refers to learned abilities that are acquired and enhanced through practice,
repetition, and education. Hard skills are most often referred as the basics of accounting
and financial modeling. Hard skills have rules that remain the same regardless of the
business, industry, or even culture in which they are practiced. In a broad sense, hard
skills can be defines as proficiency in any complex task, Fluency in any particular
language, knowledge of any computer software, or expertise in paintings. Hard skills can
be learned and improved with practice.

Some examples of Hard Skills :

• Proficiency in Microsoft Office Suite

• Proficiency in a foreign language
• A degree or Certificate
• Computer Programming
• Machine Operation

Personality Development

Personality development is the development of the organised pattern of behaviours and

attitudes that makes a person distinctive. Personality development occurs by the ongoing
interaction of temperament , character, and environment. Personality is what makes a
person a unique person, and it is recognisable soon after birth. A child's personality has
several components: temperament, environment, and character. Temperament is the set
of genetically determined traits that determine the child's approach to the world and how
the child learns about the world. There are no genes that specify personality traits, but
some genes do control the development of the nervous system, which in turn controls
behaviour. A second component of personality comes from adaptive patterns related to a
child's specific environment. Most psychologists agree that these two factors
temperament and environment—influence the development of a person's personality the
most. Temperament, with its dependence on genetic factors, is sometimes referred to as
"nature," while the environmental factors are called “nurture."

Knowing Yourself :
Know Yourself
Does it not happen all the time that we happen to underestimate ourselves? Don’t we just
almost all the time give others the credit they deserve but not us? It is very important to
know ourselves. We tend to neglect our own values, strengths each and every time we
are judged. The true mantra for success is knowing yourself.
It’s necessary to know yourself. But how do you go about it, right? You must be aware of
your strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes. Observe and be aware of your moods,
reactions and responses to what is happening around you because then you will be able
to react in the right manner. Then, become aware of how these moods and emotions
affect your state of mind. Also examine how you interact with others and observe how
your environment affects you.

Why is knowing yourself so important? Well, it is so because the knowing and

understanding yourself part would help you to make much better decisions, it will improve
your decision making habits, in setting and reaching appropriate goals and altogether
living more productively and more. You can play many interesting personality tests and
evaluations for self-discovery that can help you become more in tune to yourself.
You must question yourself on aspects like how well do you really know yourself? What
unique gifts, talents and skills do you bring to this world? What specific issues represent
your life challenges? How much of your life is controlled by your personality? Are you
really inspired by your soul? What underlying motives run your life? What gives you
meaning and purpose? These questions will lead you to a beautiful understanding of your
own self. You must be confident about your answers wile answering these.
Interestingly there are many people who hardly know themselves. But how do you expect
to grow in life and become better if you don’t? It’s perfectly ok to explore what the heart
wants and to tune out the rest of the world long enough to build a relationship with your
soul. In fact the moment you start interacting with yourself you will discover that you
know so little about your own self. Knowing yourself will make you meet the world.
Knowing yourself is definitely beyond knowing your favourite colour or your ideal mate. It
is about discovering yourself which will take you days, months or years. But once you do
you will either love yourself or hate yourself, either ways it will be a cherishing experience.

Positive Thinking :
How Positive Thinking Affects Personality Development
Exforsys
Our individual personality makes up the very essence of our totality as a human being. We
are judged on our personality through our character. So, it is either we have a good or bad
personality depending on how others perceive it.
What contributes to a good and pleasing personality? How can we project our personality
in such a way that will attract people? It is a given fact that we all have unique individual
personalities. We can never be someone else we are not, no matter how hard we try to
imitate each other. But we can choose to have a character that stands out from the rest or
simply win admiration from people. Having an admirable personality is not just about
being physically attractive or appealing. As initially mentioned, it is a complete package –
physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and general well-being.
One essential element in personality development is positive thinking. This conditioning
improves the mental aspect of our personality. Let us now see how positive thinking can
contribute towards better personality development.
Personality Development on Mental Well-Being
A sound mental well-being is an important aspect of personality development. There are
many ways to achieve this and being optimistic is one among them. Make an effort to shift
negative thoughts to positive thinking. Let go of negative self-talk as it only distresses the
mind. Others may not have realized it but they have made negative self-talk a habit.
Thoughts are best expressed either verbally or through actions. They become more
realistic rather than just keeping it in your mind.
You can start by listing down the affirmative statements you can think of, and then apply
them in verbal context during conversations or even when praising yourself. Doing this
will gradually transition your paradigm into a more positive approach and you will begin to
see things on a brighter side all the time. In the long run, it will become a mental habit.
Positive Attitude means Pleasing Personality
We learned that positive thinking is also manifested through a positive attitude, since our
thinking, feelings, and actions are always a match. Our attitude speaks so much of who
we are either professionally or personally.
People despise those who conduct in an undesirable manner. It follows that when you
have a bad attitude, you think, feel and act or even react negatively toward people and
situations. Then, the impression you create on people is someone having a displeasing
personality.
If you wish to create a good impression of yourself toward others, you would rather
consider seeing things on a positive side. This will eliminate ill thinking and unwanted
attitude. You will learn to deal with others with respect, having more consideration and
sensitivity towards their feelings and opinions.
The Positive Character Traits in Personality Development
Positive thinking enhances our personality through the positive character traits we get out
of it. These admirable traits help us grow in personal and professional aspect of our life.
By cultivating constant positive thinking habit, We develop the following:
a. Enthusiasm
Positive thinking accompanied with enthusiasm drives the passion to attain something
you want to achieve. Do not allow moments of lapses and dull instances wherein you just
sit blankly.
b. Optimism
Obviously, with constructive and affirmative thoughts, you will be transformed into an
optimistic person. You will learn how to take more control of trying situations, and will
view every action and circumstance in a good way.
c. Adaptability
When you have learned to see the positive and brighter side of things, you are bound to
become more flexible in dealing with all sorts of undertakings in life.
d. Self-Esteem
Well, with a positive attitude that knows how to treat and respect people accordingly, you
will also have learned to respect yourself more in the process. Trust that you are capable
of radiating that admirable personality to others who may need to realize their worth.
e. Confidence
Who would not want to have a confident personality? Show that you can be entrusted
with any task. Be positive in manifesting this confidence, but do not be too arrogant of
yourself.
f. Self-Control
When you have made positive thinking a habit in every little or big thing you do, maintain
consistency and self-control of your thinking and emotions. Always keep a humble and
kind heart.

Johari’s Window :
The Johari Window
When we talk about self-awareness, personality development, group development or
team development, we must understand about ‘The Johari window’. So first of all we are
going to discuss about ‘The Johari window’.
‘The Johari window’ model was developed by American psychologists Joseph Luft and
Harry Ingham in 1950’s. Combining first letters of their names Jo and Hari, it is called as
Johari. This model is also known as disclosure / feedback model of self-awareness.
‘The Johari Window’ model talks about two sides of observation ‘self’ and ‘others’. Here
‘self’ refers to person subjects to The Johari Window analysis. The term ‘others’ refers to
other people in the team or group or related to the person. All the information related to
the analysis are observed on two sides, ‘self’ and ‘others’. The information includes
views, skills, attitudes, experience, motivation etc. related to a person. You can read the
factors that affect personality development in our article “Factors Affecting Personality
Development“.
The Johari Window Model consists of four regions (or areas) on the basis of known and
unknown areas of ‘self’ and ‘others’ as shown in figure below.

Personality Development and The Johari Window

In this section we will just discuss about all the four quadrants or areas. As we already
discussed, the areas represents known and unknown areas of ‘self’ and ‘others’. The
information includes views, skills, attitudes, experience, motivation etc. related to a
person.
1. Open Area/Free Area
Open / Free area represents what is known by the person about him / herself and to
others. If this area is more, the person is more open, having good communication,
transparent. This area shows how much he/she is able to work in the group. One can
extend open/free area to both sides. That is by opening up our hidden areas to others
and also by getting feedback from others to reduce the area we don’t know about us.
2. Blind Area
This area represents what is unknown by the person about him/herself but others know.
This area tells something about self awareness. If someone ignores self, this area will be
more for him/her. A person should reduce this area by getting feedback from others.
Others have a greater role in reducing this area of a person.
3. Hidden Area
This area represents what the person knows about him/herself that others do not know.
Hidden area for a person will be more if he/she is having hidden agenda, fears etc. A
person can reduce this area by increasing proper communication.
4. Unknown Area
Unknown area represents what is unknown by the person about him/herself and is also
unknown by others. Collective efforts of self and others will be effective in reducing this
area.

Communication Skills :
Being able to communicate effectively is perhaps the most important of all life skills. It is
what enables us to pass information to other people, and to understand what is said to
us. You only have to watch a baby listening intently to its mother and trying to repeat the
sounds that she makes to understand how fundamental is the urge to communicate.
Communication, at its simplest, is the act of transferring information from one place to
another. It may be vocally (using voice), written (using printed or digital media such as
books, magazines, websites or emails), visually (using logos, maps, charts or graphs) or
non-verbally (using body language, gestures and the tone and pitch of voice). In practice,
it is often a combination of several of these.
Communication skills may take a lifetime to master—if indeed anyone can ever
claim to have mastered them. There are, however, many things that you can do fairly
easily to improve your communication skills and ensure that you are able to
transmit and receive information effectively.
The Importance of Good Communication Skills
Developing your communication skills can help all aspects of your life, from your
professional life to social gatherings and everything in between.
The ability to communicate information accurately, clearly and as intended, is a vital life
skill and something that should not be overlooked. It’s never too late to work on your
communication skills and by doing so, you may well find that you improve your quality of
life.
Communication skills are needed in almost all aspects of life:
Professionally, if you are applying for jobs or looking for a promotion with
your current employer, you will almost certainly need to demonstrate good
communication skills.
Communication skills are needed to speak appropriately with a wide variety of
people whilst maintaining good eye contact, demonstrate a varied vocabulary and
tailor your language to your audience, listen effectively, present your ideas
appropriately, write clearly and concisely, and work well in a group. Many of these
are essential skills that most employers seek.
Verbal communication skills are ranked first among a job candidate’s ‘must have’
skills and qualities. According to a 2016 survey by the National Association of
Colleges and Employers (NACE).

As your career progresses, the importance of communication skills increases; the

ability to speak, listen, question and write with clarity and conciseness are
essential for most managers and leaders.
In your personal life, good communication skills can improve your personal
relationships by helping you to understand others, and to be understood.
It is almost a cliché that personal relationships need communication. Failure to talk
has been blamed for the breakdown of any number of partnerships and
relationships—but the ability to listen is also an important element. Communication
is also vital in wider family relationships, whether you want to discuss
 arrangements for holidays, or ensure that your teenage children are well and
happy.
Communication skills can also ensure that you are able to manage interactions with
businesses and organisations
Over the course of your lifetime, you are likely to have to interact with a wide range of
organisations and institutions, including shops, businesses, government offices, and
schools. Good communication skills can ease these interactions, and ensure that you are
able to get your point across calmly and clearly, and also take on board the responses.
Being able to complain effectively is an important skill, for example, as is handlingcriticism
yourself.
Communication is a two-way process

Communication is not the same as broadcasting, or simply sending out information.

It is a two-way process. In other words, it involves both the sending and receiving of
information.
It therefore requires both speaking and listening, but also—and perhaps more crucially—
developing a shared understanding of the information being transmitted and received.
If you are the ‘sender’ of information, this means communicating it clearly to
start with (whether in writing or face-to-face), then asking questions to check your
listeners’ understanding. You must also then listen to their replies, and if necessary,
clarify further.
If you are the recipient, it means listening carefully to the information, then
checking that you have understood by reflecting back, or asking questions to
ensure that you both have the same understanding of the situation.

Non-Verbal Communication :
Non-Verbal Communication
When we talk about ‘communication’, we often mean ‘what we say’: the words that we
use. However, interpersonal communication is much more than the explicit meaning of
words, and the information or message that they convey. It also includes implicit
messages, whether intentional or not, which are expressed through non-verbal
behaviours.
Non-verbal communication includes facial expressions, the tone and pitch of the voice,
gestures displayed through body language (kinesics) and the physical distance between
the communicators (proxemics).
These non-verbal signals can give clues and additional information and meaning over and
above spoken (verbal) communication. Indeed, some estimates suggest that around 70 to
80% of communication is non-verbal!
Using Non-Verbal Communication
Non-verbal communication helps people to:
Reinforce or modify what is said in words.
For example, people may nod their heads vigorously when saying “Yes” to
emphasise that they agree with the other person. A shrug of the shoulders and a
sad expression when saying “I’m fine, thanks” may actually imply that things are
not really fine at all!

Convey information about their emotional state.

Your facial expression, your tone of voice, and your body language can often tell
people exactly how you feel, even if you have hardly said a word. Consider how
often you have said to someone,
 “Are you OK? You look a bit down.”
We know how people feel from their non-verbal communication.

Define or reinforce the relationship between people.

If you have ever watched a couple sitting talking, you may have noticed that they
tend to ‘mirror’ each other’s body language. They hold their hands in similar
positions, they smile at the same time, and they turn to face each other more fully.
These movements reinforce their relationship: they build on their rapport, and help
them to feel more connected.

Provide feedback to the other person.

Smiles and nods tell someone that you are listening and that you agree with what
they are saying. Movement and hand gestures may indicate that you wish to
speak. These subtle signals give information gently but clearly.

Regulate the flow of communication

There are a number of signals that we use to tell people that we have finished
speaking, or that we wish to speak. An emphatic nod, and firm closing of the lips
indicates that we have nothing more to say, for example. Making eye contact with
the chair of a meeting and nodding slightly will indicate that you wish to speak.
Learning the Language
Many popular books on non-verbal communication present the topic as if it were a
language that can be learned, the implication being that if the meaning of every nod, eye
movement, and gesture were known, the real feelings and intentions of a person would be
understood.
This, of course, is absolutely true.
Unfortunately interpreting non-verbal communication is not that simple.
As our Interpersonal Communication page, non-verbal communication is not a
language with a fixed meaning. It is influenced and driven by the context in which it
occurs. This includes both the place and the people concerned, as well as the culture.
For example, a nod of the head between colleagues in a committee meeting may mean
something very different from when the same action is used to acknowledge someone
across a crowded room, and again when two people are having a social conversation.
Non-verbal communication may also be both conscious and unconscious. Facial
expressions are particularly hard to control, because we cannot see ourselves to know
what we are doing. We may, therefore complicate communication by trying to convey one
message consciously, while in fact conveying quite another unconsciously.
Interpersonal communication is further complicated because it is usually not possible to
interpret a gesture or expression accurately on its own. Non-verbal communication
consists of a complete package of expressions, hand and eye movements, postures, and
gestures which should be interpreted along with speech (verbal communication).
Non-Verbal Communication in Writing

Over the years, many people have argued that written words also contain non-verbal
communication. Your handwriting can give clues about how you were feeling when you
wrote a note, for example, and nowadays, your choice of font and colour also says
something about you.
However, it is now generally agreed that these forms of non-verbal communication are
pretty unreliable indicators of character. They convey far less information than the non-
verbal communication that is part of face-to-face interactions.
The Cultural Context
The good news is that most of us learn to interpret non-verbal communication as
we grow up and develop. It is a normal part of how we communicate with other
people, and most of us both use it and interpret it quite unconsciously.
This can make it harder to interpret consciously. However, if you stop thinking about it,
you will probably find that you have a very good idea of what someone meant.
The bad news is that non-verbal communication can be very culture-specific.
Examples of culture-specific non-verbal communication

The popular stereotype of Italians, involving big gestures, lots of hand-waving, and
plenty of loud and excited shouting, may be a stereotype, but it exists for a reason.
In the Italian culture, excitement is shown a lot more obviously than in the UK, for
example. Non-verbal communication tends to be a lot more obvious. This can
make it much harder for Italians to interpret non-verbal communication in the UK or
USA, where it is more subtle. However, even in Italy, there are geographical
variations.
The thumbs-up gesture, which generally signals approval in English-speaking
countries, is considered offensive in other countries, including apparently
Greece, Italy and some parts of the Middle East.
Making a circle with your thumb and forefinger like this means OK in Western
cultures. It is used in particular by divers in this way. In Japan, however, it is
reputedly the sign for money, and in Arabic countries, it is a threat.

It’s worth being careful how you use gestures and body language!
For more about this, see our pages on Intercultural Communication and Intercultural
Awareness.

The Importance of Non-verbal Communication

It is essential to remember that non-verbal cues can be as important, or in some cases
even more important, than what we say.
Non-verbal communication can have a great impact on the listener and the outcome
of the communication.
Warning!

People tend to have much less conscious control over their non-verbal messages than of
what they’re actually saying.
This is partly because non-verbal communication is much more emotional in nature, and
therefore much more instinctive.
If there is a mismatch between the two, therefore, you should probably trust the
non-verbal messages, rather than the words used.
A lack of non-verbal message may also be a signal of sorts, suggesting that the speaker
is carefully controlling their body language, and may be trying to hide their true emotions.

Types of Non-Verbal Communication

There are many different types of non-verbal communication. They include:
Body movements (kinesics), for example, hand gestures or nodding or shaking
the head, which are often the easiest element of non-verbal communication to
control;
Posture, or how you stand or sit, whether your arms are crossed, and so on;
 Eye contact, where the amount of eye contact often determines the level of trust
and trustworthiness;
Para-language, or aspects of the voice apart from speech, such as pitch, tone,
and speed of speaking;
Closeness or personal space (proxemics), which determines the level of
intimacy, and which varies very much by culture;
Facial expressions, including smiling, frowning and blinking, which are very hard
to control consciously. Interestingly, the broad facial expressions that show strong
emotions, such as fear, anger, and happiness, are the same throughout the world;
and
Physiological changes, for example, you may sweat or blink more when you are
nervous, and your heart rate is also likely to increase. These are almost impossible
to control consciously and are therefore a very important indicator of mental state.
There is more about all of these types of non-verbal communication on our pages on
Body Language and Face and Voice.

Physical Fitness :
Personal development can seem like a daunting task when you think about all the
improvements you want to make in every area of your life: health, money, career,
relationships, education, family, travel/leisure, sports, spiritual growth and so on. So often
it seems like you succeed in one area only to see another one neglected. It's not that
you're not achieving successes, you may be wildly successful in one area and it just
seems so hard to succeed across the board.
Wouldn't it be incredible if you could simply do one thing to improve yourself and there
was a ripple effect? Imagine improving one area of your life, and every other area of your
life was improved as a result – kind of like the "all ships rise with the tide" phenomenon. I
believe there IS such a thing, and I believe that one thing is physical fitness.
We often think of our personal fitness as being all about "workouts and nutrition" – but
TRUE FITNESS is much more about PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT…

There is no mystery as to what is required to succeed. Proper exercise supported by

REAL food is what it takes over a long period of time. You WILL see results if you stick to
it.
Once you learn to master the art of goal setting, hone your self-discipline along with
developing higher motivation levels you will be able to set your mind to other life goals.
Martial arts are an excellent example of how the body can be used to learn and
understand deeper spiritual and mystical aspects of oneself and of life in general.
The importance of physical fitness goes beyond mere physical benefits. The body and
mind are deeply interconnected. The benefits of physical fitness are that it sets the tone
of constant improvement in a very tangible manner and it has flow on effect throughout
the rest of your life.
Improving health and fitness is the easiest one of those to control and it is the easiest one
to gain mastery of. Developing your skills there is a good stepping stone to making more
serious changes in other areas of your life. The mental transformation that must take
place in sync with the physical changes is what makes this a fast path to life
transformation.
You will not only be stronger and fitter, but calmer, happier and saner as well.

Emotional Intelligence :
Emotional intelligence or EI is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions,
and those of the people around you. People with a high degree of emotional intelligence
know what they're feeling, what their emotions mean, and how these emotions can affect
other people.
For leaders, having emotional intelligence is essential for success. After all, who is more
likely to succeed – a leader who shouts at his team when he's under stress, or a leader
who stays in control, and calmly assesses the situation?
According to Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist who helped to popularize
emotional intelligence, there are five key elements to it:
Self-awareness.
Self-regulation.
Motivation.
Empathy.
Social skills.
Emotional Intelligence in Leadership
1. Self-awareness
If you're self-aware, you always know how you feel, and you know how your emotions
and your actions can affect the people around you. Being self-aware when you're in a
leadership position also means having a clear picture of your strengths and weaknesses,
and it means behaving with humility.
So, what can you do to improve your self-awareness?
Keep a journal – Journals help you improve your self-awareness. If you spend just
a few minutes each day writing down your thoughts, this can move you to a higher
degree of self-awareness.
Slow down – When you experience anger or other strong emotions, slow down to
examine why. Remember, no matter what the situation, you can always choose
how you react to it. (Our article on Managing Your Emotions at Work will help you
understand what your emotions are telling you.)
2. Self-regulation
Leaders who regulate themselves effectively rarely verbally attack others, make rushed or
emotional decisions, stereotype people, or compromise their values. Self-regulation is all
about staying in control.
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This element of emotional intelligence, according to Goleman, also covers a leader's
flexibility and commitment to personal accountability.
So, how can you improve your ability to self-regulate?
Know your values – Do you have a clear idea of where you absolutely will not
compromise? Do you know what values are most important to you? Spend some
time examining your "code of ethics." If you know what's most important to you,
then you probably won't have to think twice when you face a moral or ethical
decision – you'll make the right choice.
Hold yourself accountable – If you tend to blame others when something goes
wrong, stop. Make a commitment to admit to your mistakes and to face the
consequences, whatever they are. You'll probably sleep better at night, and you'll
quickly earn the respect of those around you.
Practice being calm – The next time you're in a challenging situation, be very
aware of how you act. Do you relieve your stress by shouting at someone else?
Practice deep-breathing exercises to calm yourself. Also, try to write down all of
the negative things you want to say, and then rip it up and throw it away.
Expressing these emotions on paper (and not showing them to anyone!) is better
 than speaking them aloud to your team. What's more, this helps you challenge
your reactions to ensure that they're fair!
3. Motivation
Self-motivated leaders work consistently toward their goals, and they have extremely high
standards for the quality of their work.
How can you improve your motivation?
Re-examine why you're doing your job – It's easy to forget what you really love
about your career. So, take some time to remember why you wanted this job. If
you're unhappy in your role and you're struggling to remember why you wanted it,
try the Five Whys technique to find the root of the problem. Starting at the root
often helps you look at your situation in a new way.
And make sure that your goal statements are fresh and energizing. For more on
this, see our article on Goal Setting.
Know where you stand – Determine how motivated you are to lead. Our
Leadership Motivation Assessment can help you see clearly how motivated you are
in your leadership role. If you need to increase your motivation to lead, it directs
you to resources that can help.
Be hopeful and find something good – Motivated leaders are usually optimistic,
no matter what problems they face. Adopting this mindset might take practice, but
it's well worth the effort.
Every time you face a challenge, or even a failure, try to find at least one good
thing about the situation. It might be something small, like a new contact, or
something with long-term effects, like an important lesson learned. But
there's almost always something positive, if you look for it.
4. Empathy
For leaders, having empathy is critical to managing a successful team or organization.
Leaders with empathy have the ability to put themselves in someone else's situation.
They help develop the people on their team, challenge others who are acting unfairly, give
constructive feedback, and listen to those who need it.
If you want to earn the respect and loyalty of your team, then show them you care by
being empathic.
How can you improve your empathy?
Put yourself in someone else's position – It's easy to support your own point of
view. After all, it's yours! But take the time to look at situations from other people's
perspectives. See our article on Perceptual Positions for a useful technique for
doing this.
Pay attention to body language – Perhaps when you listen to someone, you
cross your arms, move your feet back and forth, or bite your lip. This body
language tells others how you really feel about a situation, and the message you're
giving isn't positive! Learning to read body language can be a real asset in a
leadership role, because you'll be better able to determine how someone truly
feels. This gives you the opportunity to respond appropriately.
Respond to feelings – You ask your assistant to work late – again. And although
he agrees, you can hear the disappointment in his voice. So, respond by
addressing his feelings. Tell him you appreciate how willing he is to work extra
hours, and that you're just as frustrated about working late. If possible, figure out a
way for future late nights to be less of an issue (for example, give him Monday
mornings off).
5. Social Skills
Leaders who do well in the social skills element of emotional intelligence are great
communicators. They're just as open to hearing bad news as good news, and they're
expert at getting their team to support them and be excited about a new mission or
project.
Leaders who have good social skills are also good at managing change and resolving
conflicts diplomatically. They're rarely satisfied with leaving things as they are, but they
don't sit back and make everyone else do the work: they set an example with their own
behavior.
So, how can you build social skills?
Learn conflict resolution – Leaders must know how to resolve conflicts between
their team members, customers, or vendors. Learning conflict resolution skills is
vital if you want to succeed.
Improve your communication skills – How well do you communicate? Our
communication quiz will help you answer this question, and it will give useful
feedback on what you can do to improve.
Learn how to praise others – As a leader, you can inspire the loyalty of your team
simply by giving praise when it's earned. Learning how to praise others is a fine
art, but well worth the effort.

Need for emotional intelligence :

Intelligence Quotient versus Emotional Intelligence Quotient :

What is EQ?
According to the University of New Hampshire psychology department, emotional
intelligence is the "ability to validly reason with emotions and to use emotions to enhance
thought." EQ refers to an individual's ability to perceive, control, evaluate, and express
emotions. People with high EQ can manage emotions, use their emotions to facilitate
thinking, understand emotional meanings and accurately perceive others' emotions. EQ is
partially determined by how a person relates to others and maintains emotional control.
What is IQ?
Intelligence quotient or IQ is a score received from standardized assessments designed to
test intelligence. IQ relates directly to intellectual pursuits such as the ability to learn as
well as understand and apply information to skill sets. IQ covers logical reasoning, word
comprehension and math skills. People with higher IQ can think in abstracts and make
connections by making generalizations easier.
Can EQ or IQ be Enhanced?
Emotional awareness is best inculcated from an early age by encouraging qualities like
sharing, thinking about others, putting oneself in another person's shoes, giving individual
space and the general principles of cooperation. There are toys and games available to
increase emotional intelligence, and children who do not do well in social settings are
known to perform significantly better after taking SEL (Social and Emotional Learning)
classes. Adult EQ can also be enhanced, although to a limited extent through effective
coaching.
There are some conditions like high functioning autism (HFA) or Asperger's where one of
the symptoms may be low-empathy. While some studies found that adults with
Asperger's have low-empathy, there are have been studies with control groups that
indicate EQ can be changed in individuals with HFA or Aspergers.
IQ is more of a genetic make, but there are several ways to tap an individual's IQ to its
highest potential through brain-food and mental ability exercises like puzzles, lateral
thinking problems, and problem-solving techniques that make you think outside the box.
In the video below, Laci Green of DNews talks about what science has discovered about
emotionally intelligent people:
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What's More Important — IQ or EQ?
There are differing perspectives on whether EQ or IQ is more important. Those in the EQ
camp say "A high IQ will get you through school, a high EQ will get you through life."
There are also those who believe cognitive ability (IQ) is a better predictor of success and
EQ is overrated, sometimes even in emotionally demanding jobs. One meta-study
compiled results from several studies comparing IQ and EQ, and researchers found that
IQ accounted for more than 14% of job performance; emotional intelligence for less than
1%.
Applications
For a long time, IQ was believed to be the ultimate measure for success in careers and life
in general, but there are studies that show a direct relation between higher EQ and
successful professionals. People with high EQ generally achieve more, excel at teamwork
and service and take more initiative. Several corporations and large organizations have
mandated EQ tests during the hiring process, and have coaching seminars on emotional
and social skills. Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) is gaining a lot of popularity not
only with professionals, but also among students.
IQ tests are used most in the field of education and psychology. IQ tests are standardized
to recognize highly capable/gifted individuals as well as individuals who need special
assistance in the classroom. IQ predicts success with academic achievements, and has
often been used to determine career options for graduating students.

Components of Emotional Intelligence :

The following includes a brief overview of the 5 main components (as stated by Daniel
Goleman) of Emotional Intelligence. The main identifying characteristics of Emotional
Maturity are made possible by the Emotional Intelligence component.
1. Self-awareness: Recognize and understand your own moods and motivations and
their effect on others. To achieve this state, you must be able to monitor your own
emotional state and identify your own emotions. Emotional Maturity in this trait shows:
Confidence
Sense of humor (can laugh at self)
Aware of your impression on others (can read the reactions of others to know how
you are perceived)
2. Self-Regulation: Controlling your impulses—instead of being quick to react rashly, you
can reign in your emotions and think before responding. You express yourself
appropriately. Emotional Maturity in this trait shows:
Conscientious and take personal responsibility for your own work/deeds.
Adaptable (and favorable) to change
When someone is complaining or is rude to you, you do not respond in kind. You
respond in a manner which would not escalate the situation. (At this point, you will
also realize that when someone expresses anger at you, they’re not always angry
at you; they’re often just angry and want to take it out on someone.)
3. Internal Motivation: Internal motivation is marked by an interest in learning. It is also
self-improvement vs. a pursuit of wealth and status (as a pursuit of wealth and status is
an external motivator). Emotional Maturity in this trait shows:
Initiative and the commitment to complete a task
Perseverance in the face of adversity
4. Empathy: The ability to understand another person’s emotional reaction. This is only
possible when one has achieved self-awareness—as one cannot understand others until
they understand themselves. Emotional Maturity in this trait shows:
Perceptive of other’s emotions and taking an active interest in their concerns.
Proactive—able to anticipate someone’s needs and the appropriate reaction.
Social Situations such as office politics do not phase one who has a firm grasp of
empathy.
5. Social Skills: Identifying social cues to establish common ground, manage
relationships and build networks. Emotional Maturity in this trait shows:
Communication: Listening and responding appropriately
Influence and Leadership: The ability to guide and inspire others
Conflict Management: The ability to diffuse difficult situations using persuasion and
negotiation.

Competencies of Emotional Intelligence :

Personal Competency :
SELF - AWARENESS
Emotional awareness: Recognizing oneís emotions and their effects. People with this
competence:
• Know which emotions they are feeling and why
• Realize the links between their feelings and what they think, do, and say
• Recognize how their feelings affect their performance
• Have a guiding awareness of their values and goals
Accurate self-assessment: Knowing oneís strengths and limits. People with this
competence are:
• Aware of their strengths and weaknesses
• Reflective, learning from experience
• Open to candid feedback, new perspectives, continuous learning, and self-
development
• Able to show a sense of humor and perspective about themselves
Self-confidence: Sureness about oneís self-worth and capabilities. People with this
competence:
• Present themselves with self-assurance; have ìpresenceî
• Can voice views that are unpopular and go out on a limb for what is right
• Are decisive, able to make sound decisions despite uncertainties and pressures
1

The Emotional Competence Framework

Personal Competence

The Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations EI Framework

( www.eiconsortium.org )
SELF - REGULATION
Self-control: Managing disruptive emotions and impulses. People with this competence:
• Manage their impulsive feelings and distressing emotions well
• Stay composed, positive, and unflappable even in trying moments
• Think clearly and stay focused under pressure
Trustworthiness: Maintaining standards of honesty and integrity. People with this
competence:
• Act ethically and are above reproach
• Build trust through their reliability and authenticity
• Admit their own mistakes and confront unethical actions in others
• Take tough, principled stands even if they are unpopular
Conscientiousness: Taking responsibility for personal performance. People with this
competence:
• Meet commitments and keep promises
• Hold themselves accountable for meeting their objectives
• Are organized and careful in their work
Adaptability: Flexibility in handling change. People with this competence:
• Smoothly handle multiple demands, shifting priorities, and rapid change
• Adapt their responses and tactics to fit fluid circumstances
• Are flexible in how they see events
Innovativeness: Being comfortable with and open to novel ideas and new information.
People with this competence:
• Seek out fresh ideas from a wide variety of sources • Entertain original solutions to
problems
• Generate new ideas
• Take fresh perspectives and risks in their thinking
SELF - MOTIVATION
Achievement drive: Striving to improve or meet a standard of excellence. People with
this competence:
• Are results-oriented, with a high drive to meet their objectives and standards
• Set challenging goals and take calculated risks
• Pursue information to reduce uncertainty and find ways to do better
• Learn how to improve their performance
2

The Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations EI Framework

( www.eiconsortium.org )
Commitment: Aligning with the goals of the group or organization. People with this
competence:
• Readily make personal or group sacrifices to meet a larger organizational goal
• Find a sense of purpose in the larger mission
• Use the groupís core values in making decisions and clarifying choices
• Actively seek out opportunities to fulfill the groupís mission
Initiative: Readiness to act on opportunities. People with this competence:
• Are ready to seize opportunities
• Pursue goals beyond whatís required or expected of them
• Cut through red tape and bend the rules when necessary to get the job done
• Mobilize others through unusual, enterprising efforts
Optimism: Persistence in pursuing goals despite obstacles and setbacks. People with this
competence:
• Persist in seeking goals despite obstacles and setbacks
• Operate from hope of success rather than fear of failure
• See setbacks as due to manageable circumstance rather than a personal flaw

Social Competence :
SOCIAL AWARENESS
Empathy: Sensing othersí feelings and perspective, and taking an active interest in their
concerns. People with this competence:
• Are attentive to emotional cues and listen well
• Show sensitivity and understand othersí perspectives
• Help out based on understanding other peopleís needs and feelings
Service orientation: Anticipating, recognizing, and meeting customersí needs. People with
this competence:
• Understand customersí needs and match them to services or products
• Seek ways to increase customersí satisfaction and loyalty
• Gladly offer appropriate assistance
• Grasp a customerís perspective, acting as a trusted advisor
3

Social Competence

The Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations EI Framework

( www.eiconsortium.org )
Developing others: Sensing what others need in order to develop, and bolstering their
abilities. People with this competence:
• Acknowledge and reward peopleís strengths, accomplishments, and development
• Offer useful feedback and identify peopleís needs for development
• Mentor, give timely coaching, and offer assignments that challenge and grow a
personís skills.
Leveraging diversity: Cultivating opportunities through diverse people. People with this
competence:
• Respect and relate well to people from varied backgrounds
• Understand diverse worldviews and are sensitive to group differences
• See diversity as opportunity, creating an environment where diverse people can
thrive
• Challenge bias and intolerance
Political awareness: Reading a groupís emotional currents and power relationships.
People with this competence:
• Accurately read key power relationships
• Detect crucial social networks
• Understand the forces that shape views and actions of clients, customers, or
competitors
• Accurately read situations and organizational and external realities
SOCIAL SKILLS
Influence: Wielding effective tactics for persuasion. People with this competence:
• Are skilled at persuasion
• Fine-tune presentations to appeal to the listener
• Use complex strategies like indirect influence to build consensus and support
• Orchestrate dramatic events to effectively make a point
Communication: Sending clear and convincing messages. People with this competence:
• Are effective in give-and-take, registering emotional cues in attuning their message
• Deal with difficult issues straightforwardly
• Listen well, seek mutual understanding, and welcome sharing of information fully
• Foster open communication and stay receptive to bad news as well as good
4
The Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations EI Framework
( www.eiconsortium.org )
5 Leadership: Inspiring and guiding groups and people. People with this competence:
• Articulate and arouse enthusiasm for a shared vision and mission
• Step forward to lead as needed, regardless of position
• Guide the performance of others while holding them accountable
• Lead by example
Change catalyst: Initiating or managing change. People with this competence:
• Recognize the need for change and remove barriers
• Challenge the status quo to acknowledge the need for change
• Champion the change and enlist others in its pursuit
• Model the change expected of others
Conflict management: Negotiating and resolving disagreements. People with this
competence:
• Handle difficult people and tense situations with diplomacy and tact
• Spot potential conflict, bring disagreements into the open, and help deescalate
• Encourage debate and open discussion
• Orchestrate win-win solutions
Building bonds: Nurturing instrumental relationships. People with this competence:
• Cultivate and maintain extensive informal networks
• Seek out relationships that are mutually beneficial
• Build rapport and keep others in the loop
• Make and maintain personal friendships among work associates
Collaboration and cooperation: Working with others toward shared goals. People with this
competence:
• Balance a focus on task with attention to relationships
• Collaborate, sharing plans, information, and resources
• Promote a friendly, cooperative climate
• Spot and nurture opportunities for collaboration
Team capabilities: Creating group synergy in pursuing collective goals. People with this
competence:
• Model team qualities like respect, helpfulness, and cooperation
• Draw all members into active and enthusiastic participation
• Build team identity, esprit de corps, and commitment

Skills to develop Emotional Intelligence :

1. Practice Self-Awareness
Like with most things emotional, you can’t get better at them until you know what the
fuck they are. When you lack self-awareness, trying to manage your emotions is like
sitting in a tiny boat without a sail on top of the sea of your own emotions, completely at
the whim of the currents of whatever is happening moment by moment. You have no idea
where you’re going or how to get there. And all you can do is scream and yell for help.
Self awareness involves understanding yourself and your behavior on three levels: 1) what
you’re doing, 2) how you feel about it, and 3) the hardest part, figuring out what you don’t
know about yourself.
Knowing what you’re doing.You would think this would be pretty simple and
straightforward, but the truth is that in the 21st century, most of us don’t even
know what the fuck we’re doing half the time. We’re on auto-pilot—check email,
 text BFF, check Instagram, watch YouTube, check email, text BFF, etc., etc.
Removing distractions from your life—like, you know, turning off your damn phone
every now and then and engaging with the world around you is a nice first step to
self-awareness. Finding spaces of silence and solitude, while potentially scary, are
necessary for our mental health. Other forms of distraction include work, TV, drugs/
alcohol, video games, cross stitching, arguing with people on the internet, etc.
Schedule time in your day to get away from them. Do your morning commute with
no music or podcast. Just think about your life. Think about how you’re feeling. Set
aside 10 minutes in the morning to meditate. Delete social media off your phone
for a week. You’ll often be surprised by what happens to you.
We use these distractions to avoid a lot of uncomfortable emotions, and so
removing distractions and focusing on how you feel without them can reveal some
kind of scary shit sometimes. But removing distractions is critical because it gets
us to the next level.
Know what you’re feeling. At first, once you actually pay attention to how you
feel, it might freak you out. You might come to realize you’re often actually pretty
sad or that you’re kind of an angry asshole to a lot of people in your life. You might
realize that there’s a lot of anxiety going on, and that whole “phone addiction” thing
is really just a way to constantly numb and distract yourself from that anxiety.
It’s important at this point to not judge the emotions that arise. You’ll be tempted to
say something like, “Ick! Anxiety! What the fuck is wrong with me!” But that just
makes it worse. Whatever emotion is there has a good reason to be there, even if
you don’t remember what that reason is. So don’t be too hard on yourself.
Knowing your own emotional bullshit. Once you see all the icky, uncomfortable
stuff you’re feeling, you’ll begin to get a sense of where your own little crazy
resides. For instance, I get really touchy about being interrupted. I get irrationally
angry when I’m trying to speak and the person I’m speaking to is distracted. I take
it personally. And while sometimes it is just them being rude, sometimes shit
happens and I end up looking like a total dickface because I can’t stand going two
seconds without every word I speak being respected. That’s some of my emotional
bullshit. And it’s only by being aware of it that I can ever react against it.
Now, just being self-aware is not sufficient in and of itself. One must be able to manage
their emotions too.
2. Channeling Your Emotions Well
People who believe that emotions are the be-all-end-all of life often seek ways to
“control” their emotions. You can’t. You can only react to them.
Emotions are merely the signals that tell us to pay attention to something. We can then
decide whether or not that “something” is important and choose the best course of action
in addressing it—or not.
There’s no such thing as a “good” or “bad” emotion—there are only “good” and
“bad” reactions to your emotions.
Anger can be a destructive emotion if you misdirect it and hurt others or yourself in the
process. But it can be a good emotion if you use it to correct injustices and/or protect
yourself or others.
Joy can be a wonderful emotion when shared with people you love when something good
happens. But it can be a horrifying emotion if it’s derived from hurting others.
Such is the act of managing your emotions: recognizing what you’re feeling, deciding
whether or not that’s an appropriate emotion for the situation, and acting accordingly.
The whole point of this is to be able to channel your emotions into what psychologists call
“goal-directed behavior”—or what I prefer to call “getting your shit together.”
3. Learn to Motivate Yourself
Have you ever lost yourself completely in an activity? Like, you start doing something and
get immersed in it and when you snap out of the quasi-hypnotic state you’ve somehow
induced in yourself, you realize three hours have passed but it felt like fifteen minutes?
This happens to me when I write sometimes. I lose my sense of time and I get this
cascade of subtly-layered feelings when I’m fleshing out ideas in my head and putting
them into words. It’s like a feeling of fascination mixed with slightly frustrated intrigue
mixed with little bursts of dopamine when I feel like I just came up with a great line or
funny poop joke or somehow got my point across without cursing.
I love this feeling, and when I achieve it, it motivates me to keep writing.
Notice something important here, though: I don’t wait for that feeling to arise before I start
writing.
I start writing and then that feeling starts to build, which motivates me to keep writing,
and the feeling builds a little more, and on and on.
This is what I call the “Do Something Principle” and it’s probably one of the simplest yet
most magical “hacks” I’ve ever come across. The Do Something Principle states that
taking action is not just the effect of motivation, but also the cause of it.Most people try
to look for inspiration first so they can take some momentous action and change
everything about themselves and their situation. They try to pump themselves up with
whatever flavor of mental masturbation is in style that week so they can finally take
action. But by next week, they’ve run out of steam and they’re back at it again, jerking off
to another “method” of motivation.
But I like to turn this on its head completely. When I need to be motivated, I just do
something that’s even remotely related to what I want to accomplish and then, action
begets motivation begets action, etc.
When I don’t feel like writing, I tell myself I’ll just work on the outline for now. Once I do
that, it often makes me think of something interesting I hadn’t thought of yet that I want to
include and so I write that down and maybe flesh it out a little.
Before I know it, I’m halfway through a draft and I haven’t even put on pants yet.
(NOTE: This is just because I never wear pants.)
The point is that in order to use your emotions effectively to get your shit together, youhave
to do something.
If you don’t feel like anything motivates you, do something. Draw a doodle, find a free
online coding class, talk to a stranger, learn a musical instrument, learn something about
a really hard subject, volunteer in your community, go salsa dancing, build a bookshelf,
write a poem. Pay attention to how you feel before, during, and after whatever it is you’re
doing and use those emotions to guide your future behavior.
And know that it’s not always “good” feelings that will motivate you, too. Sometimes I’m
frustrated and really fucking annoyed that I can’t quite say exactly what I want to say.
Sometimes I’m anxious that what I’m writing won’t resonate with people. But for whatever
reason, these feelings often only make me want to write more. I love the challenge of
wrestling with something that’s just a little bit out of my reach.
4. Recognize Emotions in Others to Create Healthier Relationships
Everything we’ve covered so far deals with handling and directing emotions within
yourself. But the whole point of developing emotional intelligence should ultimately be to
foster healthier relationships in your life.
And healthy relationships—romantic relationships, familial relationships, friendships,
whatever—begin with recognition and respect of one another’s emotional needs.
You do this by connecting and empathizing with others. By both listening to others and
sharing yourself honestly with others—that is, through vulnerability.To empathize with
someone doesn’t necessarily mean to completely understand them, but rather to accept
them as they are, even when you don’t understand them. You learn to value their
existence and treat them as their own end rather than a means for something else. You
acknowledge their pain as your pain—as our collective pain.
Relationships are where emotional rubber hits the proverbial pavement. They get us out of
our heads and into the world around us. They make us realize we’re a part of something
much larger and much more complex than just ourselves.
And relationships are, ultimately, the way we define our values.
5. Infuse Your Emotions with Values
When Daniel Goleman’s book came out in the 90s, “emotional intelligence” became the
big buzzword in psychology. CEOs and managers read workbooks and went to retreats
on emotional intelligence to motivate their workforces. Therapists tried to instill more
emotional awareness in their clients to help them get a handle on their lives. Parents were
admonished to cultivate emotional intelligence in their children with the aim of preparing
them for a changing, emotionally-oriented world.2
A lot of this sort of thinking misses the point, however. And that is that emotional
intelligence is meaningless without orienting your values.
You might have the most emotionally intelligent CEO on the planet, but if she’s using her
skills to motivate her employees to sell products made by exploiting poor people or
destroying the planet, how is being emotionally intelligent a virtue here?
A father might teach his son the tenets of emotional intelligence, but without also
teaching him the values of honesty and respect, he could turn into a ruthless, lying little
prick—but an emotionally intelligent one!
Conmen are highly emotionally intelligent. They understand emotions quite well, both in
themselves and especially in others. But they end up using that information to manipulate
people for their own personal gain. They value themselves above all else and at the
expense of all others. And things get ugly when you value little outside of yourself. 3
Lisa Nowak, for all of her brilliance and expertise, couldn’t handle her own emotions and
valued the wrong things. Therefore, she let her emotions drive her off the proverbial cliff,
going from outer space to incarcerated space.
Ultimately, we’re always choosing what we value, whether we know it or not. And our
emotions will carry out those values through motivating our behavior in some way.
So in order to live the life you truly want to live, you have to first be clear about what you
truly value because that’s where your emotional energy will be directed.
And knowing what you truly value—not just what you say you value—is probably the
most emotionally intelligent skill you can develop.