FRAME

Iron Rule of Tomassi #1

Frame is everything. Always be aware of the subconscious balance of

whose frame in which you are operating. Always control the Frame,
but resist giving the impression that you are.

The concept of “frame” is yet another ephemeral idea that had need of
a term in the very beginnings of the great masculine awakening that’s
become the ‘community’. If memory serves I think it may have been
Mystery who first picked up on what’s really a very rudimentary and
well established psychological principle. In psych terms, frame is an
often subconscious, mutually acknowledged personal narrative under
which auspices people will be influenced. One’s capacity for personal
decisions, choices for well-being, emotional investments, religious
beliefs and political persuasions (amongst many others) are all
influenced and biased by the psychological narrative ‘framework’
under which we are most apt to accept as normalcy.

The concept of frame covers a lot of aspects of our daily lives, some of
which we’re painfully aware of, others we are not, but nonetheless we
are passively influenced by frame. What concerns us in terms of inter-
gender relations however is the way in which frame sets the
environment, the ambience, and the ‘reality’ in which we relate with
both the woman we sarge at a bar and the relationship with the woman
we’ve lived with for 20 years. One important fact to consider, before I
launch into too much detail, is to understand that frame is NOT
power. The act of controlling the frame may be an exercise in power
for some, but let me be clear from the start that the concept of frame is
who’s ‘reality’ in which you choose to operate in relation to a woman.
Both gender’s internalized concept of frame is influenced by our
individual acculturation, socialization, psychological conditioning,
upbringing, education, etc., but be clear on this, you are either
operating in your own frame or you’re operating in hers. Also
understand that the balance of frame often shifts. Frame is fluid and
will find its own level when a deficit or a surplus of will is applied to
change it. The forces that influence that lack or boost of will is
irrelevant – just know that the conditions of an operative framework
will shift because of them.

Pre-LTR Frame
Often I’ll see forum posts lamenting some loss of frame – “Lost the
frame, how do I get it back?” A lot of times guys believe that because a
woman initially gave them IOIs or was ‘really into them’ in the
beginning that they had ‘frame’. This is another unfortunate
misconception about frame – and I partly blame the PUA culture for it
– but frame is not interest level (IL). Simply because a woman is
attracted to you does not mean she’s ready to ‘enter your reality’. Her
entering your frame may become a byproduct of that attraction, but it
by no means guarantees it. In truth, under today’s social environment, I
would expect a woman to resist tooth and nail from rushing into a
man’s frame. This is why women have psychologically evolved a
subconscious propensity to shit test; to verify the legitimacy of a man’s
frame.

Most Game incongruencies develop around a guy’s inability to

establish frame and opting in to a woman’s frame. What’s ironic is that
on a base level, we understand frame imbalances instinctually. If you
feel like you’re being led on, or being made to wait for sex, you’re
operating in her frame. Are you in the ‘friend-zone’ or did you accept
an LJBF rejection? You’re in her frame.

Ideally, you want a woman to enter your reality. Her genuine

(unnegotiated) desire for you hinges upon you covertly establishing this
narrative for her. Famous men, men with conspicuous affluence and
status, and men with overwhelming social proof have very little
difficulty in establishing frame – they can’t help but establish frame in
a very overt fashion. A woman already wants to enter that world. She
want’s an easy association with a man who’s unquestionably a proven
commodity and offers her hypergamy not just a actualized fantasy, but
also a high degree of personal affirmation in being the one a Man of
this grandeur would choose above other women.

Unfortunately, you and I are not this Man, he’s a feminine idealization.
However it’s important to understand how hypergamy plays into
establishing frame. The Man who impassively accepts women’s
hypergamous natures has a much easier time establishing frame from
the outset. You or I may not be that be that famous guy with an
automatic, overt frame control, but we can be by order of degrees
depending upon our personal conditions and the conditions of the
women with whom we choose to associate. The default pedestalization
of women that men are prone to is a direct result of accepting that a
woman’s frame is the only frame. It’s kind of hard for most ‘plugged
in’ men to grasp that they can and should exert frame control in order
to establish a healthy future relationship. This is hardly a surprise
considering that every facet of their social understanding about gender
frame has always defaulted to the feminine for the better part of their
lifetimes. Whether that was conditioned into them by popular media or
seeing it played out by their beta fathers, for most men in western
culture, the feminine reality IS the normalized frame work. In order to
establish a healthy male-frame, the first step is to rid themselves of the
preconception that women control frame by default. They don’t, and
honestly, they don’t want to.

Post LTR Frame

In most contemporary marriages and LTR arrangements, women tend
to be the de facto authority. Men seek their wive’s “permission” to
attempt even the most mundane activities they’d do without an
afterthought while single. I have married friends tell me how
‘fortunate’ they are to be married to such an understanding wife that
she’d “allow” him to watch hockey on their guest bedroom TV,…
occasionally.

These are just a couple of gratuitous examples of men who entered into
marriage with the frame firmly in control of their wives. They live in
her reality, because anything can become normal. What these men
failed to realize is that frame, like power, abhors a vacuum. In the
absence of the frame security a woman naturally seeks from a
masculine male, this security need forces her to provide that security
for herself. Thus we have the commonality of cuckold and submissive
men in westernized culture, while women do the bills, earn the money,
make the decisions, authorize their husband’s actions and deliver
punishments. The woman is seeking the security that the man she pair-
bonded with cannot or will not provide.
It is vital to the health of any LTR that a man establish his frame as the
basis of their living together before any formal commitment is
recognized. As I stated in the beginning, frame will be fluid and
conditions will influence the balance, but the overall theme of your
relationship needs to be led and molded by you. Even very influential,
professional, intellectualizing womenstill crave the right man to
establish his frame in her life. They may fight it bitterly, but ultimately
it’s what will make for the best healthy balance she can achieve.
There’s a growing undercurrent of mid-life women questioning and
regretting their past decisions to remain single into spinsterhood. And
for all their late game rationalizations, the one thing they still simply
refuse to accept is acknowledging that a man’s frame, the frame their
“fierce independence” wouldn’t allow for, was exactly the salve their
egos so desperately wants now later in life.

Gentlemen, you will establish frame in any monogamous relationship

you have. You will enter her reality or she will enter yours.

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Posted in Foundations, Iron Rules on October 12, 2011. 82 Comments

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82 COMMENTS

(r)Evoluzione
October 12, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Excellent. Frame is the bedrock of a life well-lived. In engineering, a solid, unbending,

totally unshakable frame is constructed when accurate, precise, and repeatable measurements
need to be taken, or used to manufacture something with tight tolerances. It is the frame of
reference–the basis for measurement to which everything in its purview must be held
accountable.

Frame goes beyond sexuality and relationships, it’s a crucial ingredient in developing who
we are. Frame dovetails with the concept of “state,” as in state of mind. Perhaps you can
elucidate the ways in which frame and state interact. My sense is that frame and state are to
each other what strategy and tactics are in military matters. Strategy, that’s the big-picture
stuff, the overall objective of a military division on the larger theatre of battle. Tactics are
what happens on the individual battlefield, in the house-to-house fighting. Thus frame is the
big-picture outlook on life, and one’s strategic attitude towards it. State, then are the
moment-to-moment application of that strategy, the tactics in the moment that allow you to
maintain frame. That’s my 0.02, I’d love to hear more from you.

Practically and pragmatically, many people benefit from techniques to establish, maintain,
and pump up the frame and state are essential, they combat the stinky beta-bait of entering a
woman’s frame, or any frame of reference in business or life that does not serve the
individual’s needs.

So I’m very interested in any frame-management tools you might be willing to share with
your readers. One of my favorites, it’s super simple, is to stand in alone, naked in the
bathroom, with a huge erection, and cultivate that air of quiet, unshakable strength, power,
 energy. Then I tap on a spot, usually my sternum, to kinaesthetically remember what that’s
like. Then in a social situation, I’ll tap on the sternum to recall that state.

Framing
October 12, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Also interested in techniques to achieve an ideal frame in both of the scenarios discussed in
the post.

Y
October 12, 2011 at 7:12 pm

One of the best practical tools for establishing your frame is REAL standards and
qualifications.

Then communicating those to people (or women specifically) and mentally noting or
explicitly stating whether they live up to those.

As I said, they have to be real because, faking it is not very effective at all (Can you cook?
Are you adventurous? etc.)

dc1000
October 12, 2011 at 7:17 pm

as one of my prior girls said to me, “oh i know, its the dc1000 show on every channel, all the
time”

every decision, every action was done through my lens of what i needed. and if she wanted
to participate, she was more than happy to…

i’ve been able to maintain the dc1000 show all the time on all channels for a while now, its
pretty grand.
 i learned frame in just the way you described first, from mystery and then onwards.

houseofjacques
October 13, 2011 at 3:31 am

Is having the Frame the same as ‘having hand’?

xsplat
October 13, 2011 at 6:08 am

Hand is a strategic advantage of power. Frame is that you define how the issues are talked
about.

You can think of politics. Hand is having an army. Frame is the propaganda wing of the
government and a media that is sympathetic to the government spin.

walawala
October 13, 2011 at 6:10 am

Any examples of maintaining frame?

houseofjacques
October 13, 2011 at 8:50 am

Thanks! It’s clear now.

 petesgamethoughts
October 13, 2011 at 5:42 pm

If you want to get more into framing: Study NLP.

driveallnight
October 14, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Refusing to marry allows a man to easily maintain frame.

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Engineering Bandicoot
January 20, 2013 at 7:46 am

Wow, you are a very good writer Rollo, I’m having a hard time understanding some of these
Red Pill concepts, but I’m learning. Can’t wait till you release a book, it’d make it easy for
me to share Red-Pill info with my younger brothers. There’s so much to read, so many sites,
they are mind boggling goldmines filled with nuggets of life’s wisdom.

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OnTheFidele
January 26, 2014 at 5:13 am

Rock Solid Frame = Charisma

In other words, real conviction lived without compromise.

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Dean Alexander
April 19, 2014 at 2:41 pm

Just discovered your writings by being directed here via Krausers blog by your good self.
Finding it all a bit overwhelming at the moment. Thank you.

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Dumb Pollock
January 15, 2015 at 11:06 am

If I understand it right, a frame is about creating the ground rules for interactions that fits my
personality and needs? If i do that then the others have a choice to play by my rules or not?

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bear
January 19, 2015 at 4:21 pm

Probably the most important point to remember in a relationship. Recently a guy in my

church came up to my wife and asked my wife if she had given me permission to go to some
upcoming mens retreat. My wife looked at at him and said – “no , he never asks me a bout
these things he just tells me he’s going”. The guy responded ” I figured as much”. Needless
to say my relationship can be rocky at times but I never worry my wife is going to cheat on
me or leave me. She knows her options are limited when it comes to men who will be
stronger than me

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Marik
October 2, 2015 at 8:25 pm

I am quite interested in your blog, as I have two sons and want to ensure they don’t get to
pussified by all the social pressures.

I think I am one of the 1-2%. My frame is the frame. I’ve been married 10 years and my wife
constantly asks why I picked her. Becuase I think she was a hot piece of ass. And she feels
the same.

Being attractive and physically fit, intellectual, and confident are big. I’ve been blessed with
being attractive, and the brains to understand its value, which has helped to give me the
confidence to live in my frame, IMO.

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Yollo Comanche
October 20, 2015 at 7:36 pm

This is probably the most practically useful post I’ve ever read fro you behind “Your friend,
menstruation”.

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Acadia
November 9, 2016 at 10:24 am

Does anybody want to quickly verify this though? what is frame or framing in lamen terms
i’m looking for like a one to two sentence answer please.

Rollo Tomassi
November 9, 2016 at 11:04 am

Sorry, we don’t support TL;DR mentalities here.

However, you can listen to this:

https://therationalmale.com/2016/08/15/the-red-pill-monthly-frame/

rugby11
November 15, 2016 at 9:29 pm

http://wp.me/p4dCzl-1Gv

ollieoxenfree1
January 4, 2017 at 2:46 pm
Frame is necessary in life as it is in relationships. I’ve led a life where I’ve had no frame in
virtually any setting you care to mention. Not with women, not with acquaintances, friends
or family. Frame requires that you know who you are. What drives and motivates you and
ultimately what you want (in any given situation).
The little frame I’ve managed to develop is founded on my stoicism.

The following example may or may not qualify for controlling frame.

I had a member of staff from a train company come up to me (while I was doing my job and
thinking about something or other) and say “you don’t look happy.” The smug look on his
face could barely hide the contempt he held for me. A total stranger.
With my left hand placed behind his back and my right hand pointing to his colleagues, I
said “Your friends are over there.” and carried on with my business.
I didn’t want him or his fake concern. He refused to speak or even look at me the next time
we met.

I call that a result.

In regards to frame I sometimes believe I want to be a smarter version of the boy I was, and
not the man I eventually became.